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You Don't Love This Man
“ You Don't Love This Man is an exquisite puzzle….Which is more gorgeous, more satisfying here, the story itself, or the language DeWeese uses to tell it?” —Mary Rechner, author of Nine Simple Patterns for Complicated Women
Set in the Pacific Northwest, Dan Deweese’s debut novel delivers a witty, heartfelt, and keenly observed day-in-the-life of one father of the bride, casting luminous insight into marriage, fatherhood, and bank robbery. Readers of Benjamin Kunkel, Joshua Ferris, and Kevin Wilson, as well as fans of contemporary American masters like Philip Roth and Tobias Wolff, will be enthralled by Deweese’s evocative, literary exploration of an everyman protagonist’s quiet struggles and tender joys on one of the most monumental days in his life.
Set in the Pacific Northwest, Dan Deweese’s debut novel delivers a witty, heartfelt, and keenly observed day-in-the-life of one father of the bride, casting luminous insight into marriage, fatherhood, and bank robbery. Readers of Benjamin Kunkel, Joshua Ferris, and Kevin Wilson, as well as fans of contemporary American masters like Philip Roth and Tobias Wolff, will be enthralled by Deweese’s evocative, literary exploration of an everyman protagonist’s quiet struggles and tender joys on one of the most monumental days in his life.
352 pages, Paperback
First published February 25, 2011
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
February 10, 2013
You Don’t Love This Man is a charming, humorous tale set in the Pacific Northwest. Paul is an endearingly clueless man, he is about to have a very challenging day. It is the day of his only child’s wedding, and Miranda’s coming nuptials carry all the emotion a father feels on his daughter’s wedding along with some additional emotional baggage related to the groom. Grant and Paul go way back, it is taking Paul a long while to wrap his mind around the image of Grant as his son-in-law. The marriage of a child can be stressful but there are a few more stressful surprises in store too. Paul manages a bank, it will be robbed on his daughter’s wedding day by the same man that robbed the bank twenty years ago. This causes all kinds of complications.
The book opens with Paul as a young father taking Miranda trick or treating on Halloween. In all the confusion and rampant candy lust, she disappears. Paul is frantic to find her, imagining all sorts of unpleasant things that might have happened. Miranda seems to have a talent for disappearing that developed young. She does the same disappearing act on her wedding day, leaving Paul even more confused and worried than usual. As he spends the day trying to figure out what is going on with Miranda, he deals with fallout from the bank robbery, and reflects on the path his life had taken.
Paul is a nice guy, an ordinary chap who ended up working at the same bank since graduating from college. He is full of all the worries common to humanity. He feels like his ex-wife, Sandra, has a closer relationship with their daughter. It makes him a bit jealous. He is unable to nurture an adult relationship with a woman. His marriage to Sandra disintegrated, but they remain friendly. He is afraid his daughter may be making a mistake in marrying Grant. And he is concerned that his favorite employee, Catherine, wants a transfer to another bank. All this angst is bubbling and boiling as Paul tries to find Miranda.
While the book is a very amusing and an entertaining story, it is also a look at an “everyman” type of character who is not very good at relationships and can be obstinate. As this day takes on greater significance, he keeps making missteps that make it even more tangled and unwieldy than necessary. Like too many of the human race, Paul has difficulty seeing himself as the architect of his own fiascos. Instead he gets angry at the people around him, thinking he is not being treated right. He is not a bad fellow, just has trouble getting it right. The proper thing to say eludes him, and he knows it. He doesn’t like being socially inept but seems to lack that inner sense for relating to people in a sophisticated manner.
Through all the turmoil this day offers Paul, he starts to get a better sense of himself and of his relationship with his daughter. Blending wry humor with the story of a man’s growing self perception, this is an entertaining tale. Paul certainly packs a lot in his daughter’s wedding day!
The book opens with Paul as a young father taking Miranda trick or treating on Halloween. In all the confusion and rampant candy lust, she disappears. Paul is frantic to find her, imagining all sorts of unpleasant things that might have happened. Miranda seems to have a talent for disappearing that developed young. She does the same disappearing act on her wedding day, leaving Paul even more confused and worried than usual. As he spends the day trying to figure out what is going on with Miranda, he deals with fallout from the bank robbery, and reflects on the path his life had taken.
Paul is a nice guy, an ordinary chap who ended up working at the same bank since graduating from college. He is full of all the worries common to humanity. He feels like his ex-wife, Sandra, has a closer relationship with their daughter. It makes him a bit jealous. He is unable to nurture an adult relationship with a woman. His marriage to Sandra disintegrated, but they remain friendly. He is afraid his daughter may be making a mistake in marrying Grant. And he is concerned that his favorite employee, Catherine, wants a transfer to another bank. All this angst is bubbling and boiling as Paul tries to find Miranda.
While the book is a very amusing and an entertaining story, it is also a look at an “everyman” type of character who is not very good at relationships and can be obstinate. As this day takes on greater significance, he keeps making missteps that make it even more tangled and unwieldy than necessary. Like too many of the human race, Paul has difficulty seeing himself as the architect of his own fiascos. Instead he gets angry at the people around him, thinking he is not being treated right. He is not a bad fellow, just has trouble getting it right. The proper thing to say eludes him, and he knows it. He doesn’t like being socially inept but seems to lack that inner sense for relating to people in a sophisticated manner.
Through all the turmoil this day offers Paul, he starts to get a better sense of himself and of his relationship with his daughter. Blending wry humor with the story of a man’s growing self perception, this is an entertaining tale. Paul certainly packs a lot in his daughter’s wedding day!
July 25, 2012
I will say before I talk about this book that it is written beautifully well. If we're being honest, I sometimes struggle with male authors because I have a hard time really believing the characters they create and the motion of events they go through; sometimes they seem a bit forced and leave you feeling like, "Yeah right- that would never happen." Dan DeWeese did such a good job capturing Paul, creating him into a character you felt sorry for but at the same time were frustrated with. And then I felt like, if I were a divorced father, that I could really relate to him.
The struggles of co-parenting with his ex-wife, Sandra, and him realizing maybe things weren't really the way they were. The story is all centered around Miranda's wedding but at the same time you journey into his past as a young man starting a career, which snowballs into meeting the best friend, getting robbed, getting married, having a child, getting divorced, and then really coming full circle with best friend marrying his daughter. I mean, you think, "Could that really happen?", but then it does all the time really.
I really enjoyed how the story alternated between the present day of Paul trying to find his daughter on her wedding day-- because she's MIA, and him trying to reconcile his feelings towards it all with events from the past. So it's like all in one day he's trying to figure out how he got to this place and where does he go from there. Such an interesting perspective and you sometimes forget that it's all happening on one day-- which I love. I will say the end was pretty good- and I could feel really what Paul felt when he was with Miranda at the end- so that right there tells you the author did a great job really capturing their relationship.
I highly recommend this book because it kind of makes you think. It makes you look at these quiet, mild mannered people around you and really wonder what it is they hold up inside them? Do they ever feel like everything is happening around and without them? And what happens when that person just says enough is enough and takes it into their own hands?
The struggles of co-parenting with his ex-wife, Sandra, and him realizing maybe things weren't really the way they were. The story is all centered around Miranda's wedding but at the same time you journey into his past as a young man starting a career, which snowballs into meeting the best friend, getting robbed, getting married, having a child, getting divorced, and then really coming full circle with best friend marrying his daughter. I mean, you think, "Could that really happen?", but then it does all the time really.
I really enjoyed how the story alternated between the present day of Paul trying to find his daughter on her wedding day-- because she's MIA, and him trying to reconcile his feelings towards it all with events from the past. So it's like all in one day he's trying to figure out how he got to this place and where does he go from there. Such an interesting perspective and you sometimes forget that it's all happening on one day-- which I love. I will say the end was pretty good- and I could feel really what Paul felt when he was with Miranda at the end- so that right there tells you the author did a great job really capturing their relationship.
I highly recommend this book because it kind of makes you think. It makes you look at these quiet, mild mannered people around you and really wonder what it is they hold up inside them? Do they ever feel like everything is happening around and without them? And what happens when that person just says enough is enough and takes it into their own hands?
June 19, 2011
Giving this book three stars was a little unusual for me because I usually have a difficult time liking books when I don’t like the main character, and for the majority of this book that’s how I felt about Paul. But the writing was good and the introspection was nicely reflective, so I persisted, and I’m glad I did. The current storyline of the book covers only one day; the day Paul’s daughter is getting married and the day his bank (he’s the manager) gets robbed. As Paul navigates through this incredibly frustrating day (no one can locate the bride-to-be) he reflects back on his life. The tone reminded me of Richard Ford’s "Independence Day" and, in a less existential way, Walker Percy’s "Moviegoer."
August 27, 2011
It started out so promising. A father tries to connect with his daughter prior to her getting married. Somehow, his job as a bank exec keeps interfering with that- even on the wedding day when the bank where he works is robbed. He rushes to the bank, despite his ex-wife's pleas to ignore it because= hey, dude, it's your daughter's wedding day!!!! It goes awry, into different and odd directions. Ultimately, it seems to end up as a treatise on middle aged men going through a crisis, nevermind the fact that his daughter seems to be very unhappy. It doesn't end too badly, but it just seemed like a forced ending.
August 10, 2012
I hate to say it, but this book almost seemed like a waste of time. It took almost half of the book for me to get into the story and before that, I was reading because I wanted to finish what I started. Then once the story got interesting, (a third of the way through) it was one more short chapter and then it was over. Right when it got interesting, it was the end. And the end was not good at all, it almost pissed me off a little. I don't recommend this book, but a lot of other people seem to like it. I will not be reading it again.
August 18, 2011
Thought provoking and mostly sad book. None of the characters are likeable, the daughter is really immature, the mother is passive aggressive and the dad is probably obsessive compulsive. But the ending is good if you stay the course.
March 1, 2011
Touching, sometimes startling. Always affecting.
March 31, 2011
I am going to write a review of this book. Soon! Four stars = "I really liked it," and I do have quite a bit to say about it, too.
March 9, 2011
With understated, careful language, this novel offers characters who are beautifully sad and true, funny moments, and a plot that is both surprising and moving.
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September 7, 2024Was there even a plot in this book?
April 6, 2023
This funny novel is told with great care -- rarely do we read a first-person narrator so thoughtfully and attentively realized. Paul the bank manager takes us on his inward anxiety spiral as his daughter's wedding day and a robbery at his bank coincide. The book goes deep into the rationalizations one man makes to himself to explain his aloneness at work and within his family -- and also manages to break a good few of those rationalizations. Paul's perspective is only his, and as events accrue we begin to see that things may not be entirely how he sees them. This is a great achievement of craft, something rarely seen. DeWeese trusts his readers. As character studies go, this one holds true to its protagonist's voice and does not shake away. Also fun reading a thinly veiled Portland, Oregon, as the setting, too.
February 9, 2021
This was a very interesting and thought-provoking read about a man who is looking at life from the outside. It made me feel genuinely conflicted and frustrated with the other characters avoiding the truth around him, and the paranoia of knowing there is something you’re not being told.
I would recommend this unusual gem for a book club, but it does get slow at parts (which is why I took so long to finish it).
I would recommend this unusual gem for a book club, but it does get slow at parts (which is why I took so long to finish it).
March 14, 2019
this book is written with an elegant choice of syntax and words however I found the narrative dispersive with a rhythm far too slow at times.
October 13, 2020
I did not enjoy this book. It was a mystery that wasn’t a mystery. Frustrating to read and had an incredibly anti-climactic ending. So much was left unexplained. It’s like none of it mattered.
July 7, 2015
Today is an eventful day for Paul. It’s the day that his daughter, Miranda, is marrying Grant, his friend, who is twice her age, plus the bank he manages just got robbed by the same guy who robbed them over 20 years ago. Things are strange though; Miranda’s gone missing, and for unknown reasons, Paul’s not letting on to the police that he recognizes the robber. Paul is reflecting back on today’s events and all that has led up to it over the years, including his own marriage gone wrong, his old friendship with Grant, and the previous bank robbery.
This is a quiet and thoughtful novel, moving along at a slow pace, but telling relevant stories along the way of Paul’s past and present. The current story takes place over just the one day, but interwoven are an abundance of flashbacks of Paul’s life at a young age, up to the present. The novel is incredibly character driven rather than plot based and is all shown and seen from Paul’s own mind. We are literally in his head and viewing the events from his eyes rather than our own as he attempts to come to terms with his daughter’s marriage, his ex-wife, and his old best friend, Grant. I really enjoyed the flashbacks and seeing Paul’s life, as well as Miranda’s, progress from his viewpoints of the past. Paul is a bit of a neutral character: not one that you’ll love for any particular reason, but neither will you dislike him. We merely watch him reflect and feel some empathy for him. I liked the subtleties of this novel, but often wished it was just a tad faster paced. Though it was not hugely engrossing, it was a beautifully written novel and I will certainly read future works from Dan DeWeese.
Note: I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
This is a quiet and thoughtful novel, moving along at a slow pace, but telling relevant stories along the way of Paul’s past and present. The current story takes place over just the one day, but interwoven are an abundance of flashbacks of Paul’s life at a young age, up to the present. The novel is incredibly character driven rather than plot based and is all shown and seen from Paul’s own mind. We are literally in his head and viewing the events from his eyes rather than our own as he attempts to come to terms with his daughter’s marriage, his ex-wife, and his old best friend, Grant. I really enjoyed the flashbacks and seeing Paul’s life, as well as Miranda’s, progress from his viewpoints of the past. Paul is a bit of a neutral character: not one that you’ll love for any particular reason, but neither will you dislike him. We merely watch him reflect and feel some empathy for him. I liked the subtleties of this novel, but often wished it was just a tad faster paced. Though it was not hugely engrossing, it was a beautifully written novel and I will certainly read future works from Dan DeWeese.
Note: I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
March 6, 2011
Dan DeWeese's debut novel is a poignant and compelling read. His cinematic descriptions bring you into the scenes as they unfold.
Hitchcock-esque in that there is a red herring mystery, that only the police really seem to care about solving. The protagonist, Paul, is too concerned with his daughter's wedding, to his old best friend, to be bothered with a trifling bank robbery(at the bank where he is manager).
Miranda's wedding is also not the star of the show here, but rather Paul's coming to grips with his life, and realizing that he is not in control of much, especially not any of the people in his life(especially the women!)is what the novel is really about.
As DeWeese guides us through Paul's past and weaves us back to to his present day we see a man who has not had the worst life, but has seemed to settle for a lot. The title is apt, you don't love this man, but you want him to figure it out, you want him to reach higher. Paul isn't a bad guy, he just isn't a leading man. In this novel, however, he co-stars with quiet observation of life that just is. One of the most beautiful passages in the book revolves around a spider spinning it's web, Paul is captivated by it, as is the reader, not only of the spider, but of the story(the reader becomes Paul, DeWeese becomes the spider spinning his web).
DeWeese's background in film and English are more than apparent, but in a good way. The "I know what I'm talking about" sort of way, rather like when you have a friend who just happens to be a chef so you needn't worry when they invite you to dinner. You will be well fed.
Read this book. You will be well read.
Hitchcock-esque in that there is a red herring mystery, that only the police really seem to care about solving. The protagonist, Paul, is too concerned with his daughter's wedding, to his old best friend, to be bothered with a trifling bank robbery(at the bank where he is manager).
Miranda's wedding is also not the star of the show here, but rather Paul's coming to grips with his life, and realizing that he is not in control of much, especially not any of the people in his life(especially the women!)is what the novel is really about.
As DeWeese guides us through Paul's past and weaves us back to to his present day we see a man who has not had the worst life, but has seemed to settle for a lot. The title is apt, you don't love this man, but you want him to figure it out, you want him to reach higher. Paul isn't a bad guy, he just isn't a leading man. In this novel, however, he co-stars with quiet observation of life that just is. One of the most beautiful passages in the book revolves around a spider spinning it's web, Paul is captivated by it, as is the reader, not only of the spider, but of the story(the reader becomes Paul, DeWeese becomes the spider spinning his web).
DeWeese's background in film and English are more than apparent, but in a good way. The "I know what I'm talking about" sort of way, rather like when you have a friend who just happens to be a chef so you needn't worry when they invite you to dinner. You will be well fed.
Read this book. You will be well read.
March 24, 2011
The novel follows a day in the life of Paul, a bank branch manager, as he gets ready to attend the wedding of his daughter who has disappeared. Along the way he reflects back to his marriage, the raising of his daughter, his relationship with his best friend, and bank robberies. This flows so well that I didn't even notice there weren't any chapter breaks (only one section break) until a friend mentioned it. This novel is definitely for those who like a lot of character development along with some complex relationship issues.
One complaint and it's really minor. When a book is set in a local area that I know well (in this case, Portland, Oregon) it bothers me when I don't recognize any landmarks or streets, and yes, I understand it's not a book that relies on the setting to be effective but I figure I should be able to picture where these characters are living and working. :)
I found myself coming close to thinking this could be a good read-a-like for those who like Ann Tyler even though DeWeese's characters aren't quite as quirky.
One complaint and it's really minor. When a book is set in a local area that I know well (in this case, Portland, Oregon) it bothers me when I don't recognize any landmarks or streets, and yes, I understand it's not a book that relies on the setting to be effective but I figure I should be able to picture where these characters are living and working. :)
I found myself coming close to thinking this could be a good read-a-like for those who like Ann Tyler even though DeWeese's characters aren't quite as quirky.
November 25, 2014
Man, the main character was so annoying. He practically embodied the stereotypical flaws of the male psyche. I rolled my eyes on almost every single page. He's just about as annoying as Jodi Picoult's mother figures. I understand that this was probably he point of Paul's character but it didn't stop me from being annoyed by him. But at the same time, I don't know why, but I felr sympathy for him at times. He was being kept purposefully in the dark and I guess I can understand his frustration with that.
Still, I expected more from this book. I guess I wanted more of Miranda's story over Paul's. Plus, I found Miranda to be irritating too. Why all the hiding?? Still doesn't make sense to me.
I kinda almost don't want to ever get married or have kids after reading this book.
Still, I expected more from this book. I guess I wanted more of Miranda's story over Paul's. Plus, I found Miranda to be irritating too. Why all the hiding?? Still doesn't make sense to me.
I kinda almost don't want to ever get married or have kids after reading this book.
September 20, 2011
I didn't like it but I didn't NOT like it. There's a bit of urgency that appeals to me throughout the storyline. BUT, I never felt connected to the main character, never felt like I needed to fight the fight with him.
Also, it seemed like a great deal of time was spent on narrative description, but it was almost too much. Get to the point and pull me into the story.
I felt the most connected during the scene with his daughter while they were at the beer festival (instead of getting ready for her wedding).
Also, it seemed like a great deal of time was spent on narrative description, but it was almost too much. Get to the point and pull me into the story.
I felt the most connected during the scene with his daughter while they were at the beer festival (instead of getting ready for her wedding).
August 24, 2011
On the morning of his daughter's wedding, Paul receives a call from the bank he manages telling him it has been robbed. While dealing with the robbery he is also struggling to realize his little girl is now a grown women about to get married and his future son-in-law is his close friend. As he goes through this day, he finds many surprises and also visits past motives and choices of those around him.
I selected this book because the author is a Portlander. It was a slow read in the middle but I started enjoying it more in the last chapters... not exactly a page-turner!
I selected this book because the author is a Portlander. It was a slow read in the middle but I started enjoying it more in the last chapters... not exactly a page-turner!
April 17, 2011
In this novel we follow bank manager Paul, on the day of his daughter Miranda's wedding; from him dealing with a robbery at his bank, to Miranda's "disappearance", to mentally dealing with his adult life so far. It deals with loss on many levels, from the opening scene where he loses 3-year-old Miranda while trick or treating, to losing her in marriage. You may not love this man, but you will come to realize he is, in many ways, just like all of us. An excellent debut for DeWeese.
November 30, 2011
One of my pluck off the shelf choices, I really liked this book. The descriptions are amazing, with detail about hair and dress that define each character. Plus I also learned a trick from it about how to get a wayward child to take your call...text from someone else's phone. This has a hero's journey quality to it, basically told in the course of one almost endless day.
June 9, 2011
The story of a man and his daughter, a man and his friend, and his daughter and his friend, book-ended by bank robberies. The language of this book is completely unexpected, yet perfectly situates a main character who is desperately discovering how marginal a part he plays in his own life.
March 11, 2015
This book was just OK. The pace is a bit slow, until the last 1/4 of the book. Then the storyline gets more interesting, but the ending come pretty quickly. I though the main character was pretty flat, and very stereotypically male going through a mid life crisis.
March 14, 2011
My review my be read on Rundpinne.
March 19, 2011
A compelling dreamscape as Paul revisits pivotal moments in his life on the day of his daughter's wedding.
November 14, 2011
It has so many things going on that it is hard to keep up. This is a very slow read for me.
February 18, 2016
I'm still not sure about the ending...
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November 5, 2010cool book about a guy whose daughter is marrying his best friend.
August 22, 2011
Good book. Great dialogue. Anti climactic but deeply personal and interesting.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews