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I Quit!: Stop Pretending Everything Is Fine and Change Your Life
Geri Scazzero knew there was something desperately wrong with how they were doing their life and ministry. She finally told her husband, 'I quit,' and left the thriving church he pastored, beginning a journey that transformed her, her marriage, and her church.
Geri quit being afraid of what others think. She quit lying. She quit denying her anger and sadness. She quit living someone else's life. I Quit provides you a way out of an inauthentic, superficial spirituality to genuine freedom in Christ.
I Quit is for every person who thinks, I can't keep pretending everything is fine!'
Biblical quitting goes hand in hand with choosing. When we quit those things that are damaging to our souls or the souls of others, we are freed up to choose other ways of being and relating that are rooted in love and lead to life.
When we quit fear of what others think, we choose freedom.
When we quit lies, we choose truth.
When we quit blaming, we choose to take responsibility.
When we quit faulty thinking, we choose to live in reality.
When we quit for the right reasons, quitting changes us. Something breaks inside of us when we finally say, 'No more.' But it must be done for the right reasons, at the right time, and in the right way. That's what this book is about.
224 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 27, 2010
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
March 10, 2020
I randomly came across this book and listened to the audio version. There were certainly some things I didn't agree with, and this isn't a book I would recommend for everyone.
For my personality, however, this book was wonderful. Many times I felt like deadened parts of my soul were being spoken to, in ways I didn't even know I needed.
As an Enneagram 2, I have the classic problem of not even being aware of my own needs, let alone communicating them. This book helped me see how certain patterns and ways I approach things and relationships have resulted in the very outcomes that frustrate me.
I feel a great sense of relief, awareness and hope--that by God's grace and with the power of His Spirit, I don't have to just continue on, numbly going about my life. I can know and be who God created me to be, and not feel the need to manage the emotions and outcomes of everyone and everything around me.
For my personality, however, this book was wonderful. Many times I felt like deadened parts of my soul were being spoken to, in ways I didn't even know I needed.
As an Enneagram 2, I have the classic problem of not even being aware of my own needs, let alone communicating them. This book helped me see how certain patterns and ways I approach things and relationships have resulted in the very outcomes that frustrate me.
I feel a great sense of relief, awareness and hope--that by God's grace and with the power of His Spirit, I don't have to just continue on, numbly going about my life. I can know and be who God created me to be, and not feel the need to manage the emotions and outcomes of everyone and everything around me.
March 23, 2012
I am hesitant to write this because I don't give negative reviews easily. I went in to this book coming from a time of feeling overwhelmed and looking for ways I might thoughtfully remove some portions of all I have on my plate. In other words I had positive expectations. Unfortunately, while I had a couple of "that's a good point" moments, most of the book left me feeling not only disturbed but sometimes downright angry.
I understand that there might be times(maybe) that a loving wife would need to step away from the church her husband pastors, but think things would have to be pretty bad for such drastic measures and even then only after much prayer, discussion, heart searching, and doing everything in one's power to come up with a different solution. I'd like to give the benefit of the doubt to the author and assume this was the case but I don't know for sure because to me this book read like,"I was sick of it all, my husband knew I was sick of life but nothing changed. So I announced I was quitting the church. If you are sick of life, you should assert yourself."
I feel like there should have been a great emphasis on the delicate nature of this topic that just wasn't there.
I saw a lot more psychology than scripture and a lot of "if you FEEL bad about your circumstances then something is wrong that needs to be changed." There are lists of "I feel ..." statements and many many references to NOT dying to selfish ambition. When faced with harsh circumstances there aren't just two options - pushing ahead in bitterness or quitting. The third option is the Biblical one. Press on and find joy IN the hardness. Die to self. I'm glad Jesus didn't have a copy of I Quit that he read before Gethsemane.
With all that said, I do believe a lot of the gist of this book is right on. Many people are overloaded and overwhelmed by the expectations of others. But what I think the book fails to do is stress that while living without catering to others is important, death to self for others is the message of the Cross.
Sometimes while reading I was struck with the thought "man, I'm glad I don't have to live with this woman." It may not have been like this in reality but sometimes it seemed like she said, "I told my husband I was taking another job. He didn't like it but tough. He just had to stop doing all those big outreaches at church because I was sick of my life. That's tough too."
I don't imagine that's how it occurred in real life but certainly felt it came across that way in the book. I am afraid of the impact of this book. Yes, sometimes a person needs to take a stand but this book seemed to relay the message. "if you hate your life assert yourself and command change." it didn't seem to include the option, "if you hate your life it's because your attitude stinks and maybe you're bossy and self centered." I'm not saying that was the case here but again, I'm afraid of all those readers who won't even consider the third option.
Sadly, I wouldn't recommend this book.
I understand that there might be times(maybe) that a loving wife would need to step away from the church her husband pastors, but think things would have to be pretty bad for such drastic measures and even then only after much prayer, discussion, heart searching, and doing everything in one's power to come up with a different solution. I'd like to give the benefit of the doubt to the author and assume this was the case but I don't know for sure because to me this book read like,"I was sick of it all, my husband knew I was sick of life but nothing changed. So I announced I was quitting the church. If you are sick of life, you should assert yourself."
I feel like there should have been a great emphasis on the delicate nature of this topic that just wasn't there.
I saw a lot more psychology than scripture and a lot of "if you FEEL bad about your circumstances then something is wrong that needs to be changed." There are lists of "I feel ..." statements and many many references to NOT dying to selfish ambition. When faced with harsh circumstances there aren't just two options - pushing ahead in bitterness or quitting. The third option is the Biblical one. Press on and find joy IN the hardness. Die to self. I'm glad Jesus didn't have a copy of I Quit that he read before Gethsemane.
With all that said, I do believe a lot of the gist of this book is right on. Many people are overloaded and overwhelmed by the expectations of others. But what I think the book fails to do is stress that while living without catering to others is important, death to self for others is the message of the Cross.
Sometimes while reading I was struck with the thought "man, I'm glad I don't have to live with this woman." It may not have been like this in reality but sometimes it seemed like she said, "I told my husband I was taking another job. He didn't like it but tough. He just had to stop doing all those big outreaches at church because I was sick of my life. That's tough too."
I don't imagine that's how it occurred in real life but certainly felt it came across that way in the book. I am afraid of the impact of this book. Yes, sometimes a person needs to take a stand but this book seemed to relay the message. "if you hate your life assert yourself and command change." it didn't seem to include the option, "if you hate your life it's because your attitude stinks and maybe you're bossy and self centered." I'm not saying that was the case here but again, I'm afraid of all those readers who won't even consider the third option.
Sadly, I wouldn't recommend this book.
June 25, 2012
Wow she knocks it out of the park with this one. I love the subtitle - "Stop Pretending Everything is Fine..." Oh, is that ever a timely statement for the church today. She's talking to Christians here folks. A friend told me about this book a year ago, but I just got it, and chapters like "Quit Lying," "Quit Denying Anger, Sadness, and Fear," "Quit Overfunctioning" (doing other people's jobs for them) are so rockin'! I read the whole thing pretty fast and steady. Although the concepts are definitely helpful and very, very valuable "street counseling" (my term), the book doesn't read like a dry, self-help manual, it's very immediate and applicable.
From the foreword: "The most loving thing Geri ever did for me was to quit the church I pastor. Yes, a part of me wanted to kill her for the humiliation I felt. But God used her courageous decision to change my life in profound ways ... Without courageous men and women who will take up the challenge of this book, I remain doubtful about our ability to raise up healthy, biblical communities that effectively engage the world with the gospel and deeply transform lives."
The author addresses the epidemic of emotional immaturity, dishonesty and avoidance that we live with as Christians, thinking that it is a good thing to do so "for Christ." We lie, pretend, suffer and stuff our feelings (although they will come out somehow, in small leaks of anger, in sleeplessness, in a lack of close relationships). Never addressing or receiving healing from the root hurts that prevent us from trusting God and one another in important, essential parts of our lives. There are so many "christian" books out there that promise the moon for your money, and a lot of them are very people-oriented (who wrote it), instead of having substance. This one's meat. I'm glad for it.
From the foreword: "The most loving thing Geri ever did for me was to quit the church I pastor. Yes, a part of me wanted to kill her for the humiliation I felt. But God used her courageous decision to change my life in profound ways ... Without courageous men and women who will take up the challenge of this book, I remain doubtful about our ability to raise up healthy, biblical communities that effectively engage the world with the gospel and deeply transform lives."
The author addresses the epidemic of emotional immaturity, dishonesty and avoidance that we live with as Christians, thinking that it is a good thing to do so "for Christ." We lie, pretend, suffer and stuff our feelings (although they will come out somehow, in small leaks of anger, in sleeplessness, in a lack of close relationships). Never addressing or receiving healing from the root hurts that prevent us from trusting God and one another in important, essential parts of our lives. There are so many "christian" books out there that promise the moon for your money, and a lot of them are very people-oriented (who wrote it), instead of having substance. This one's meat. I'm glad for it.
July 31, 2013
There are germs of truth here, but as I turned page after page I was uncomfortable with both the tone and the focus. So much was about self and feelings, and Bible verses seemed included only to proof-text predetermined conclusions. Can it be useful? Probably. I don't want to speak for others' experiences, but I would be concerned about basing actions or, even worse, theology on this writing alone.
December 21, 2010
I Quit! Stop Pretending Everything is Fine and Change your Life by Geri Scazzero
This book is for those who think they have to live two lives: the Christian one and the other one. This book is for those who think they have to put on a Christian façade. This book is for those who think the Christian life is all about sacrifice. This book is for those who think the Christian life is fake. I also think this book is for adults with self-esteem issues.
I originally saw this book advertized in a MOPs magazine. When it became available free on Kindle, I downloaded it. While the things Scazzero was doing as a pastor’s wife and mother, she did them because she had to and she felt should “rather than a gift freely given. [She] mistakenly believed [she] didn’t have a choice.” All of us can get burned out doing things we think we should, because other people think we should, or because we think we have to. This book is about identifying falsehoods, errors in thinking, while identifying God’s call on our life and reclaiming our identity in Christ—the person God has called us to be.
Some have commented that this book does not show a balanced view between sacrifice and putting others first while saying no when necessary and appropriate. Some have commented that this book is too personal and the author vents and rants too much like a therapy session. I will agree that some of her examples and comments seem a little over the top. But rarely can you take 100% of a self-help type book and apply it exactly as the author describes. We are different people with different circumstances. Glean what you can and apply as best fits your situation.
I could relate to many of the examples Scazzero cited as well as the warning signs she mentions. Bottom line—the author is trying to communicate that we shouldn’t be so worried about what others think of us to completely ignore all our wants and needs and be fake just to make others happy. If we are unhappy, we need to identify why—this alone could be difficult and be a bigger, deeper issue than what it would seem.
I also think this is the best book I have read that can help adults with self-esteem issues.
This book is for those who think they have to live two lives: the Christian one and the other one. This book is for those who think they have to put on a Christian façade. This book is for those who think the Christian life is all about sacrifice. This book is for those who think the Christian life is fake. I also think this book is for adults with self-esteem issues.
I originally saw this book advertized in a MOPs magazine. When it became available free on Kindle, I downloaded it. While the things Scazzero was doing as a pastor’s wife and mother, she did them because she had to and she felt should “rather than a gift freely given. [She] mistakenly believed [she] didn’t have a choice.” All of us can get burned out doing things we think we should, because other people think we should, or because we think we have to. This book is about identifying falsehoods, errors in thinking, while identifying God’s call on our life and reclaiming our identity in Christ—the person God has called us to be.
Some have commented that this book does not show a balanced view between sacrifice and putting others first while saying no when necessary and appropriate. Some have commented that this book is too personal and the author vents and rants too much like a therapy session. I will agree that some of her examples and comments seem a little over the top. But rarely can you take 100% of a self-help type book and apply it exactly as the author describes. We are different people with different circumstances. Glean what you can and apply as best fits your situation.
I could relate to many of the examples Scazzero cited as well as the warning signs she mentions. Bottom line—the author is trying to communicate that we shouldn’t be so worried about what others think of us to completely ignore all our wants and needs and be fake just to make others happy. If we are unhappy, we need to identify why—this alone could be difficult and be a bigger, deeper issue than what it would seem.
I also think this is the best book I have read that can help adults with self-esteem issues.
January 8, 2011
This review was originally published at Tura Lura's Picks. If you like this review or find it helpful, please comment on the original. Thanks.
Despite receiving this book back in October, I just finished it earlier this week. Not because of the length; this book is fairly short - just over 200 pages.
No, it took me so long because it was difficult reading. Not due to vocabulary or tone, but how close to home it hit.
The book discusses eight things we all - Christian or not - need to quit:
- being afraid of what others think
- lying
- dying to the wrong things (depriving yourself of the things that nurture your soul)
- denying anger, sadness, and fear
- blaming
- overfunctioning
- faulty thinking
- living someone else's life (letting others make major decisions for you)
I know I have been guilty of each of those more often than I care to admit.
Mrs. Scazzero uses examples from her personal life throughout, making each point crystal clear.
I found her writing easy to follow. The subject, however, is not always easy. But her message is necessary.
In fact, I will be going back and rereading parts of this book. The parts that were hardest to read in the first place. Those I need to apply in my own life.
Everyone, Christian or not, can make use of at least one of the "Quits" in this book.
I received a free review copy from the publisher. This did not affect my review in any way.
Despite receiving this book back in October, I just finished it earlier this week. Not because of the length; this book is fairly short - just over 200 pages.
No, it took me so long because it was difficult reading. Not due to vocabulary or tone, but how close to home it hit.
The book discusses eight things we all - Christian or not - need to quit:
- being afraid of what others think
- lying
- dying to the wrong things (depriving yourself of the things that nurture your soul)
- denying anger, sadness, and fear
- blaming
- overfunctioning
- faulty thinking
- living someone else's life (letting others make major decisions for you)
I know I have been guilty of each of those more often than I care to admit.
Mrs. Scazzero uses examples from her personal life throughout, making each point crystal clear.
I found her writing easy to follow. The subject, however, is not always easy. But her message is necessary.
In fact, I will be going back and rereading parts of this book. The parts that were hardest to read in the first place. Those I need to apply in my own life.
Everyone, Christian or not, can make use of at least one of the "Quits" in this book.
I received a free review copy from the publisher. This did not affect my review in any way.
August 19, 2014
15 years into this Pastor's wife gig, and there are feelings I've had that up until now I've just kept to myself. While George has encouraged me to read The Emotionally Healthy Church by Geri's husband, I chose to pick up I Quit to hear from HER perspective what I think all Pastor wives should know.
There was almost too much for me to chew on here. And I'll need to go back and revisit many of the areas that she encourages us to "quit". We aren't quitting Jesus, or our love for the "church", but we are certainly quitting some unhealthy actions and behaviors that tend to creep up in church communities.
This book would have been better for me sans Kindle. As I really need to look back at my highlights so that I can forge a healthy path forward. I prefer actual books for this type of recall.
I love her honesty. Her tendency towards blunt. And how she most definitely adopts a "What other people think about me, is none of my business" approach - after some deep bitterness and hurt.
Better that those of us in the same position read this BEFORE hitting the bottom.
She has helped me organize my thoughts as a Pastor's wife. Most recently doing so here: http://www.thecuppajo.com/confessions...
There was almost too much for me to chew on here. And I'll need to go back and revisit many of the areas that she encourages us to "quit". We aren't quitting Jesus, or our love for the "church", but we are certainly quitting some unhealthy actions and behaviors that tend to creep up in church communities.
This book would have been better for me sans Kindle. As I really need to look back at my highlights so that I can forge a healthy path forward. I prefer actual books for this type of recall.
I love her honesty. Her tendency towards blunt. And how she most definitely adopts a "What other people think about me, is none of my business" approach - after some deep bitterness and hurt.
Better that those of us in the same position read this BEFORE hitting the bottom.
She has helped me organize my thoughts as a Pastor's wife. Most recently doing so here: http://www.thecuppajo.com/confessions...
October 23, 2015
Fear comes with being human. Pause for a few moments in God’s presence. Ask yourself the following questions: What are you afraid of? What are you anxious about? Money? Security? Children? Spouse? Relationships? Work? Future? Health? Meditate on the truth of Psalm.46:10, “Be still, and know that I am God."
~ “To make a change feels awful, but to stay where you are is even worse. “
~ “We are ‘love worthy’ because God loves us. God’s perfect love drives out any fears of what others think. ”
~ “Are you pursuing those things that breathe life into you and help you to feel fully alive?”
~ “God calls us to get off the bus other people are driving.”
THE PAST DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THE FUTURE.
I QUIT!!!
~ “To make a change feels awful, but to stay where you are is even worse. “
~ “We are ‘love worthy’ because God loves us. God’s perfect love drives out any fears of what others think. ”
~ “Are you pursuing those things that breathe life into you and help you to feel fully alive?”
~ “God calls us to get off the bus other people are driving.”
THE PAST DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THE FUTURE.
I QUIT!!!
August 6, 2022
Best book I have read (by a pastors wife), about over doing everything -- not over achieving, but thinking that a dedicated Christian needs to be the best at everything, all the time, and sacrificing everything for the sake of others. She gives great reasons, and alternatives to that life style. I wish I had been able to read something like her book 30 years ago.
July 27, 2019
Has some good points. Not very deep. Easy read.
March 16, 2020
Great reminder of why I can't do everything nor should I. Definitely a good read for Christians who tend to over-commit and then become resentful.
Read
January 2, 2022Resolving to have a bit less Amazon in my life, I’m quitting Goodreads and moving to StoryGraph. Find me there as ‘alizim’ and happy reading!
January 18, 2023
When Geri realizes that churching is actually detracting from her relationship with God instead of aiding its growth, she places all her chips on one bet. She tells her husband she's quitting church.
January 29, 2013
I don't completely identify with the author's personality, but this book has many helpful tips that I think I might reference in the future. I think this is the type of book that I might re-read through different phases of my marriage & family life. I would most definitely recommend this book to Christian women married to busy men whether in ministry or some other career that overlaps home life (like military, etc.).
January 15, 2011
I enjoyed this look atsome of the things we do in our lives which are at least not helpful and at most self-destructive. I liked that while it was coming from a Christian perspective and the author is a minister's wife, I still felt that the message would be good for my non-churchy friends.
August 13, 2011
This was a great book about how to change your life. She gives many practical ways to change your situation, your thinking and helps you recognize faulty beliefs that keep us from living the life God wants us to live. A must read for anyone feeling overwhelmed by life.
September 13, 2012
Este no en un libro solo para mujeres, en particular esposas de pastores, sino para ambos géneros. Se requiere una profunda auto evaluación, y rendición a Dios para vivir con brutal honestidad ocupado de agradar a Dios, amando a todos pero con la verdad
April 4, 2013
Love, love, love this book, so much so that I had our Women's Ministry Team read it as well as our Pastor's wives. Great reviews from all and great discussions within our WM team. I highly recommend it to all Pastor's wives and women in Ministry.
March 15, 2016
I read this with a group at Church, and we laughed and cried and told the truth about our lives in humbling, funny ways. Soon after reading this, Rising Strong by Brene Brown was recommended to me. Brown covers similar material in a secular way. Choose the one that appeals to you, but do choose :-)
December 14, 2010
Great book about living your own life regardless of what others might think and expect. Loved all of the insight and empowerment to living the best, healthy, honest with MYSELF life!
May 31, 2012
Not sure if I'm going to like this as much as the other two Scazzero books, but I'm going to read it before I go to a conference with her in October....
August 15, 2012
Some chapters may make you take stock of your own life; others may not be so helpful.
October 29, 2012
enjoyed discussing it with a great group of women. different chapters grab different people...there is something for everyone.
February 28, 2013
Didn't really connect with this one.
August 3, 2013
Good, but not great read. This book has some great content, however most of it common sense, atleast to me.
August 19, 2014
Awesome material, great small group discussions, really revealed areas in my life that I need to be more honest and direct (in love) for my own well being and the "how to" do this well.
June 12, 2015
Good reinforce for my attempts to take responsibility for my own choices/decisions/actions in life, not taking on other's issues/responsibilities.
Want to read
October 3, 2010review copy
March 15, 2013
Very helpful book with some really good questions to ponder. Very useful to me.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews