How to Teach Life Skills to Kids with Autism or Asperger's

by Jennifer McIlwee Myers, Temple Grandin (Foreword)

In the real world, people on the autism spectrum need the same kinds of day-to-day skills everyone else needs to be functional!
 
It's true. No matter how high-functioning children with autism or Asperger's may be or may become, they function better as adults if they’ve had the chance to learn basic skills, from being on time to good personal hygiene. But many reach adulthood without those skills.
 
Enter Jennifer McIlwee Myers, Aspie at Large.
 
Coauthor of the groundbreaking book Asperger's and Girls, Jennifer's personal experience with Asperger's Syndrome and having a brother with autism makes her perspective doubly insightful.
 
Jennifer can show you how to:
Create opportunities for children to learn in natural settings and situations
Teach vital skills such as everyday domestic tasks, choosing appropriate attire, and being polite
Help individuals on the spectrum develop good habits that will help them be more fit and healthy
Improve time management skills such as punctuality and task-switching
And much more!

Jennifer's straightforward and humorous delivery will keep you eagerly turning the page for her next creative solution!

Genres: Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Aspergers

322 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2010

Reviews

[Leslie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this but I didn't find it super-helpful. I must resign myself to the fact that parenting an Aspie is just plain hard.

I did like the book, though. The author has Aspergers herself and gave lots of examples of the things her parents did that worked and some strategies that didn't.

[Shannon Winward · Rating 5 out of 5]

Of all the books on the shelves now for parents of kids on the spectrum, this one caught my eye because of its straightforward title. How to teach Life Skills to my 8-year-old Aspie is exactly what's been on my mind lately. I'm very glad I took the leap and bought it.

For starters, this is not your typical, well-meaning but boring "all about my life with autism and how I turned out okay" story. Nor is it the clinical and predictable "I'm an expert so let me list out everything I know in marketable sound bites" manual. It's actually a refreshing mash-up.

Jennifer McIlwee Myers is an "Aspie at Large" who has been there, and, yes, she uses examples from her own life, but she does it in insightful and entertaining ways. The point of the book is to lay out how kids on the spectrum think and experience the world and how parents and teachers can use that understanding to help them be more independent and socially functional.

As a parent of an Aspie, her explanations of the autism perspective ring true to me (in fact, there's a list of example Irrational Beliefs in the last chapter that sounds so much like my son, it's spooky.) And while most of what's here I "knew", in theory (having dealt with so many teachers and therapists, fielded so many suggestions, and having read so many of these books!), Jennifer managed to communicate it in a way that helped me step back and put it all together. Since my son's diagnosis a year and a half ago, I've been learning to see his "problems" as part of the larger pattern of being an Aspie, rather than a bunch of frustrating and disastrous character flaws. This book has really helped with that process.

And while I think my husband and I have done a good job all along of supporting our son's development, (we do a lot of the "do"s and not so many of the "don't"s, yay us) Jennifer helped me realize ways we may have been holding him back: Like, for instance, buttering his bagel in the morning because it's easier than waiting for him to do it, or keeping track of his wallet so we don't have to listen to a meltdown when he can't find it.

My biggest take-away from this book is that the convenience of "right now" has to take a back seat to the end goal, which is to be as Independent an adult as he possibly can. Now that we're finally in a place where his autism is understood and he is getting the services he really needs (instead of getting punished and suspended every week and constantly threatened with expulsion), it's time to shift out of disaster mode and start really thinking about the future. There are a lot of great, specific, examples in this book on the kinds of things to focus on and how to go about doing it, from setting clear rules and instructions to find the learning opportunities in everyday moments.

The only thing - and really, there was just this one thing - that I disagreed with the idea that kids should not be told and rewarded for being "smart". I'm grateful for her personal story of learning to associate "smart" with easy and thus mistakes with "stupid", and the consequences that can come from that. I get it, and I think it's important that kids be rewarded for effort and taught that making mistakes is OKAY, even necessary. I just happen to think that kids who are naturally gifted in academics deserve accolades for that just as much as kids who have an aptitude for sports or arts or anything else. If nurtured and guided properly, giftedness can guide and motivate kids to great things, so, yes, we do tell our kid he's a smart cookie... a smart cookie who also needs to struggle and learn and do the work and learn to butter his own bagel and not think himself better than others, because everybody is special in their own way. So.

Aside from all of that, and the most important thing I want to impress on any potential reader, is that this book is DAMN FUNNY. I love Jennifer's goofy little jokes and sci fi references and random asides and rants. I laughed through the whole thing, and kept reading snippets to my husband. We're both total nerds, so that might be part of it. But, really, truly, I loved this book.

[Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

So, I liked that this book was written by someone who is not neurotypical. There were many helpful tips, especially in how the author related her own life experiences. But, the author is not a parent herself, and this book is not necessarily aligned with gentle parenting. I found some of the characterizations of children very distorted, which could lead to some less than kind or beneficial reactions on the part of care givers. On the whole, I found this both hopeful and helpful!

[Rachel V. Poling · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did not find this book as helpful as I had hoped. It is more an autobiography than anything. While some of the authors experiences may be relatable to parents of Aspies, there is not really a lot of what I would consider valuable material.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened to the audiobook. Super helpful. Immediately bought the paper book so I can use the tips with my family and refer back to the book often.

[Teresa Thompson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Being on the high functioning level of autism the author gives insightful tips and ideas based on how her parents taught her and her brother life skills. She not only illustrates examples from her life, but also her brother who was lower functioning on the spectrum and taught differently. Some of her ideas are different from other books I’ve read with her adding examples of what her parents and teachers did wrong. She is sometimes too detailed and repetitive, which was the only thing I did not like about the book. The book is entertaining, helpful, and some parts are very funny, so I’m glad I read this book.

[Ziedonis Rijkuris · Rating 5 out of 5]

amazing resource. I'm a father of two autistic boys (with two NT kids as well) and it really drove home some of the things I've discovered for myself, and showed me some of the things I really dropped the ball with and why this occurred. Certainly love to hear the perspective of a person with aspergers.

[Kymberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so good! Read multiple over and over even before finishing the book. I never do that. I’m going to read this again next week. Thank you to the author for being open to share her and her family’s story to help ours. God bless you and yours!

[Kurt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Illuminated good strategies for dealing with our Aspie.

[Cherith · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good, but I need to own it. It has so much info, I need it as a reference for all the ages and stages.

[Amanda Nelson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm in the process of getting my son tested to see if he's on the spectrum, and this book was very relatable and helpful. I will be recommending it to other parents with kids who have autism.

[Eileen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Authors of ASD support materials: please assume that your readers are short on time!
Although it's not excessive in autobiographical info-dumping I thought the geek-cred jokes, cultural references and insertions about how academically precocious the author was were excessive. Although sometimes helpfully specific it was hard to get to the heart of the advice without wading through the rest. We don't really care about your childhood 'little professor' phase and interests. We are likely to be currently coping unhappily with someone else's while reading about yours.

There's some good information here but this is a book written about parenting/school ASD support by someone who doesn't have children. The author extrapolates a lot of advice from reflecting on the decisions her parents made in parenting her (without an ASD diagnosis and much support) and her brother (significantly younger, diagnosed and supported). She's read a lot on the subject and been called on to speak in autism circles, but I still don't quite understand why she in particular is giving advice. I don't need to see Dr. before someone's name, but this 'Aspie at large' seems to be relying on Temple Grandin's blessing and (honestly somewhat chaotic) Foreward to sell her book.

Some of the kinds of home teaching modeled by the author's (probably autistic) engineer father included things like pointing out how women dressed and commenting (out of earshot) about who would be taken seriously and who would be assumed to be a bimbo. This an other experiences are related in as a fairly positive way, as is the Supernanny's hundred-plus trips back to the 'naughty step' until a child learns the boundary. Yikes.

While I agree with the author that a certain level of functional skills is essential and parents should begin as soon as there are signs of readiness, some of the ways in which people are asked to conform and be conventional matter less than others. I like the 'unmasking' books better even though I recognize that some of these go too far in the other direction and might hold people back from conventional employment and independent living. It seems like this book promotes a fairly NT vision of 'independence' that might not be the desired endgame for disabled people.

The best advice in the whole book is to communicate clearly and directly ('Marc, sit down here now') rather than expounding in emotional paragraphs that 'enough is enough' and going on and on about good choices and bad choices. Promoting the use of visuals is also an easy/obvious/overlooked form of support. Asking for visuals matters. Continuing to tell teachers/others that an autistic person isn't taking in auditory input without specifically saying 'make visuals' is one of the big accommodation fails.

[Trish Sanders · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to admit, I might not have picked this book up on my own. When I first read the title, I wasn’t sure exactly what it meant or how it would apply to me. After reading just a few pages, however, I was convinced that this was a message I needed to hear and that I could learn a lot from this book about how to help my son become a successful adult (and kid, for that matter)!

While this is not an autobiography, the author draws freely on her own experience and that of her brother Jimmy, who has autism, to illustrate her points, and adds a lot of incredibly useful information by doing so, in my opinion. I also found her writing style to be extremely readable and greatly enjoyed the interjections of humor.

Just reading a few of the chapter titles themselves gives you some good rules to follow when teaching a child with autism:

Say What You Need to Say – chapter 6
Transmit Information in More than One Way – chapter 7
Information in Translation: Speak the Language Your Child Understands – chapter 8
Tap into Your Child’s Interests – chapter 11

Some of the other rules, or perhaps a more accurate word would be techniques, which are discussed discusses are how to use repetition and persistence, and how to balance opportunities to teach with opportunities to succeed. As Jennifer McIlwee Myers describes this difficult balancing act:

"Too little success and too much frustration will add up to learned helplessness. Too little experience overcoming frustration and other obstacles will lead to a total lack of frustration tolerance. Figuring out ways to balance this is a tough job for parents, but it can be done."

You are probably wondering what specific skills are covered in the course of this book. Well, she makes it clear that she cannot possibly cover every skill or teaching method there is, but the skills discussed are of primary importance for getting along in this world. Also, many of the methods and examples can be applied and adapted to other situations, as well as to the interests and abilities of the individual child.

Skills discussed in the book include both general skills and some that are more specific to autism:

Chores (working as part of a team or group)
Punctuality
Appropriate Attire
Manners
Kindness (yes, this is a life skill)
Living with One’s Own Obsessive Interests
Task Switching and Video Game Obsessions
Learning to Spend Time
Coping with Sensory Issues

And then there are the “Really, Really Big Skills That Everyone Needs”:

Exercise for Mental and Physical Health
Good Sleep Habits
Dealing with Mistakes and Failures
Understanding Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Concepts

I cannot recommend this book highly enough. I found myself reaching for it as eagerly as I would a novel, wanting to see where it would take me next.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot recommend this book enough. Of all the books I've been reading on autism, this is the one I wish my mother had had when she was raising me.

The author was raised like I was, unaware of their diagnosis, but gifted, so everyone assumed all our problems would go away if we applied ourself more, because we're "so smart." The author's brother, 20 years younger, was diagnosed at a young age and was raised entirely differently. I wept with envy for the upbringing he had, and that's what this book can show a parent of an autie or aspie how to give.

If you're an adult aspie or high-functioning autistic, this book still has useful information. What works for kids can work for adults. It's helping me understand things I've been confused about for 30 years, and it's helping my partner frame requests or needs in a way that I can understand and act upon.

A must read if you love someone on the spectrum or are on it yourself.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is, so far, the most helpful, useful, reassuring book on parenting someone "on the spectrum" that I have found. Myers has a confident, conversational style that is easy to read and understand. All of what she has to say is good advice for any parent, whether their child(ren) are neurotypical or autistic, it's good, compassionate, common sense.

Included are chapters titled: Why Me? Why You? Why Autism?, Say What You Need to Say, Transmit Information in More Than One Way, Repetition and Persistence, and Kindness is a Life Skill.

And, as a side note, it's reassuring to "know" someone who has Aspergers can be a successful author, speaker, and spouse.

[Jenny Knippa · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book for parents of Aspergers children. Incredibly useful and nerdily entertaining. Chock full of indispensable techniques and tips for raising your non-neuro-typical kids. This would also be a good book for teachers and school administrators who need an understanding of how Aspergers children (or Aspies) process, comprehend and retain information. A MUST BUY for the newly diagnosed parent!

[Wendy Leonard-Richardson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a straight forward realistic book providing appropriate advice for parents of disconnected kids. I would recommend this for working with not only children on the spectrum but also those with ADHD, SI issues, or any disconnect, even "typicals" could benefit.
The author gives advice and backs it up with examples. She broaches serious topics and is able to infuse humor to make it interesting and engaging.

[Hayley Beames · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book! The author has Asperger’s herself. Her perspective and insight are incredibly helpful for those with autism and asperger’s and those caring for them. Myself, nor my 5 children are on the spectrum but her writing was a gift in how I can function better and assist my children in doing so. I love her whit, quirkiness and honestly. What a pleasure to have a refreshing new perspective myself. Thank you Jennifer Myers.

[Brynn D'Avello · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely THE BEST book I've read so far for teaching skills. This author has lived it and relates personal stories of her upbringing and goes in depth (like only an Aspie can) about the different types of challenges Aspie's face daily. I wish it had been one of the first books I read. I read this over and over again.

[Matt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great information from an Aspie to the rest of us. Some good insights into ways to connect, teach, and reach those in our lives who need some extra help and understanding. Very valuable for parents, close family or teachers who want to understand more about ASD...

[Lisa Tillman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book a lot. I think I'm fairly well educated on how to deal with my PDD-NOS son, so I don't think I came away with a lot. I'm still glad I read the book. I think I will recommend this to some family who sometimes don't understand why I parent the way I do.

[Rosemary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lively, chatty and a quick read. Temple Grandin gave this author the right advice - this was the book which needed to be written. I'm now convinced that focussing on life skills is more important than worrying about reading etc. I'm glad I read this while my son is still young.

[Melissa Wilson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I learned a couple things: keep it simple, teaching in steps, choose your battles with your children.
Balancing life (how much tv is used), physical exercise, and getting enough sleep.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great examples of parenting. I like that the author has Aspergers herself. She really provides insight into what children with that disability could be thinking.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written by an adult with Asperger's, I'd recommend this book to anyone raising a child with autism. It gives practical advice and insight to what a person with ASD might be experiencing.

[Gina Passer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was good and especially interesting since it touched base on Autism and Asperger's both , which are different.

[Tamara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is truly informative if you have or deal with those on the spectrum.

[J L's Bibliomania · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good practical advice

[Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recommend this book to anyone on the spectrum or anyone who works or loves someone on spectrum. Great read!

[Jeannette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great practical advice for parents from a woman with high functioning autism (Asperger's). Very witty and quirky writing style.