Complete Without Kids: An Insider's Guide to Childfree Living by Choice or Chance

by Ellen L. Walker

In Complete Without Kids , Licensed Clinical Psychologist Ellen L. Walker examines the often-ignored question of what it means to be childfree, by choice or by circumstance, in a family-focused society. Recognizing that there is no one childfree adult, the author guides the reader through the positive and negative aspects of childfree living, taking into consideration the different issues faced by men or women, couples or singles, whether gay or straight. As a woman who is childfree by choice, Walker draws upon her personal experience while also offering the reader numerous interviews with other childfree adults, revealing behind-the-scenes factors that influenced their personal journeys. She approaches the tough-decision making process of whether or not to have children from a biological, historical, and societal perspective, offering valuable information The unique set of problems that childfree adults face simply due to living in a culture that celebrates babies and traditional families; Methods to cope with the pressure to have children from media, family, and friends in a healthy way; How to create balance and approach the leisure time allowed by a childfree lifestyle and; Financial, health, and personal benefits associated with childfree living. Offering support, guidance, and thought-provoking questions, Complete Without Kids is a productive guide for any reader considering the childfree path.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Parenting, Psychology, Sociology, Ebooks, Reference

159 pages, Paperback

First published December 7, 2010

Reviews

[Sara Strand · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had my kids in my early 20's and I've been very honest about not knowing what I was doing. Had I known how much work it was really going to be, how emotionally draining it was going to be, how hard it would be on my marriage, and how much of what makes me... well, me would be sucked away I would most definitely thought twice about having kids. That's not to say I don't love my children.

On page 32 I found a line that struck an immediate chord with me: "Dr. Jeffers emphasizes the difference between loving your children and actually enjoying parenting them." and later in that paragraph, "The thing I regret most is that everyone told me how amazingly fulfilling and fun mothering is, without mentioning the negatives, and especially the fact that once you sign on for the job you cannot quit." Those two lines alone sum up my feelings. I love my children dearly but I would by lying if I said that I haven't had many days where I question what the hell I was thinking when I decided I wanted children. The book also raises a really good question about whether discussing being child free by choice is a valid conversation piece to have with young girls in the same breathe as safe sex and/or abstinence. I know with my children I will talk to them openly about these things including how you don't have to have kids. I don't ever want to be that person that pressures my kids for grandchildren because I know first hand how difficult it is to be a parent. Not everybody is cut out for it, yet you don't really hear that in Sex Ed, do you? I know when birth control was discussed it was always, "take it until you're ready to be a parent" but nothing really beyond that.

What's really great about this book is that it doesn't sway your opinion. I didn't walk away from reading this book feeling strongly about either side, I could really relate to both sides. I also felt like the author did a tremendous job talking to real life people from all types of economic standing and backgrounds to really give you a full perspective as to why some people choose to be child free. And those who would like to have kids but can't for a multitude of reasons, there is adequate perspective from them as well.

What I also really valued about this book was the absolute honesty about what parenting does to a marriage. I know most couples think that because they have started their marriage strong that it only helps them with parenting. While that is true, it's good to have a solid marriage before you bring kids to the mix, it fails to recognize what a huge stressor it is to have kids. I will say that every single marital issue Matt and I have ever had was directly related to the stress of parenting. We are no longer the people we were when we got married- not even close. I would venture to say the high divorce rates would be tied, at least in some way, to society's push for people to have children. It was mentioned in this book that childless couples are frowned upon in most circles, not because it's a bad thing but because it's not the norm. The norm is for people to get married, buy a house, have some kids, and live happily ever after yet that rarely happens. Also mentioned in the book was how couples with children find it hard to stay connected and eventually drift apart; therefore it becomes difficult to co-exist once the children are grown. They no longer have the common threads holding them together- those had been long gone. Sure you can go on date nights but people frown on that too, don't they? Most people, usually other parents themselves, will make a person feel guilty for spending time away from their kids. I would venture to say almost all of the time it's because they have feelings of jealousy because that couple can and they can't.

I have struggled with this myself. It took me almost five years to figure out I need alone time. I need time away from my husband and my kids to make myself not cry every single night and to not feel like driving my car off a bridge just to check out. I need that time away to be the quality parent my children deserve and a good wife that my husband needs. But I'll tell you- when I schedule a weekend away, or I sign up for a class, or I go to dinner with a friend I have some people around me that scoff and try to make me feel guilty. And it's too bad because I wish they would support me trying to be a better person for my kids.

Also in this book it talked about how friendships change when you have a childless friend and the rest are mommies. I have a couple of friends who don't have kids or who choose to not have kids and I feel bad. I can't always do what they want because... I have kids. I sometimes feel like they have a hard time connecting with me because we don't have a lot in common? My days are full with crying, chores, and kid related things and that makes it difficult to relate sometimes. I can only imagine how hard it would be to be child less and have all of your friends have children.

So all in all- the book was fascinating. I really enjoyed reading it and for me, I felt better about how I was feeling as a parent. Society frowns upon those of us who are not loving parenthood and all that comes with it and it's too bad. Just because I don't love to sit and play Barbies doesn't make me a bad mom. It just means I was ill-prepared for what I would really be signing up for. I always tell people I know that are having babies or thinking about it to really look at the reasons they want to have a kid. Is it because you want to be loved? Because that's just a temporary fix. I know I wanted kids because it was just what you did when you got married. I never questioned not having kids, I just knew I would because it's just what you do. Sounds a bit archaic when I think about it but how many young women think that right now?

I highly recommend this read for anyone. It really opened my eyes to a lot of different child free living assumptions that I hadn't considered before, several that I haven't mentioned. This is a superb book, very well researched and well written.

[Susanna · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was disappointed with this book. It was interesting to read other childfree persons' stories, but the author really seemed to distill out of them the pieces that fit best with her own history. I found the range of possibility narrow and conventional. For one thing, it is not because people have children that there is an environmental catastrophe right now--it is because of the consumer habits of people (mainly in the industrialized West) who live a lifestyle based on instant gratification. It is simplistic to compare the impact a childfree adult or couple has on our earth with a family with children. Just as there are innumerable kinds of people, there is a huge diversity of families, parents, and children. Also, one of the main attractions of childfree living--to the author at least--is that you can spend your money how you want to. A couple jet-setting around the world, buying all the latest technologies, etc, also has a detrimental ecological effect. It seems blatantly self-serving to blame those with children--or the children themselves-- for the environmental crisis (the so-called population bomb, which, aside from being culturally biased, is also neglectful of the impact of consumer habits, which can be altered, likely much more easily than trying to convince people to have fewer children). The author's argument further relies heavily on the ideal of the nuclear family, where families are insulated from others by the drive to replicate the 'necessities of modern life' within each and every home. Co-parenting, communal living, and inclusion of the elderly in child-rearing practices are other valid ways of being childfree. If you just don't like children, that's another thing, I suppose. But people are always going to have children, and, while I wholeheartedly agree that people need to be much more conscientious about their decision to procreate, I shy away from some of the more aggressively prescriptive "solutions" here provided.

[Eva Nickelson · Rating 2 out of 5]

There are a few reasons I disliked the book. First, the evidence is mainly anecdotal, and what little statistically evidence is presented in an unclear way (although I will admit I didn't check the sources). Second, while I enjoyed her premise of three types of child-free adults (by choice, by happenstance, and by circumstance), her follow-up chapters focused on living without children. It seemed to be geared towards teenagers who do not already know the benefits of being an adult. I was not surprised to see that if I do not have children, I can continue living my life the way I do now; that I should plan for the future; that even if I do have children, they may be disappointments who never talk to me. I could see those things shocking me as a teenager, but not as an independent 29-year-old.
I have felt some pressure from family to start my own, but for the most part I do not feel the societal pressure associated with not having children. This book offers the comfort that there are others who do not have children, but I didn't find it necessary.

[Suz · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was super disappointed in this book.

I picked it up on Amazon for free, and I was really excited, as a childfree person who doesn't see much "pro-childfree" literature anywwhere. I admit that I was curious what this "Insider's Guide" might be.

I cannot, for the life of me, decide who this book was aimed at. If you are childfree, then there's no new information here you wouldn't have figured out on your own (surprise! Childfree/less people are just like everyone else, only, don't have children!). Sure there's a stigma against us, but she barely touches on it. She shies away from any of the more controversial topics within the community (or at least those that childed tend to find inflammatory), or just barely touches on important issues while writing more about things that don't matter as much.

I guess this book could be recommended to fence-sitters - people who don't know if they want kids and they want a glimpse at what people without kids live like, but the author is very narrow on the people she studied and their motivations as well as attitudes towards certain social/economic issues.

She basically just took a bunch of "interviews" from childless/childfree (some by choice, "circumstance," or the inability to have children) and boiled it down to snippets that were boring, and seemingly self serving. Most of the time seemed more like she was trying to justify her childfree status.

You can learn more, and get a better breadth of people who are childfree by going to various childfree sites and just reading for a while.

On a technical note: this Kindle book was horribly formatted. A random quote from the chapter or entry would be inserted somewhere in the text (at times either before or after the actual quote) at odd intervals, in bold. Most irritatingly there were a lot of h-es missing ('tem' instead of "them", "te" instead of "the", etc) repeatedly through the book.

[Louise · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book looking for guidance on how to live a life as a childfree person: how to handle criticism, how to plan for the future, and how to make my life a fulfilling one without children. This book didn't exactly provide the answers, but the questions to consider at the end of each chapter helped me get started on the right path. One criticism of the book is that it isn't statistically based; the book revolves around anecdotes from several childfree people. Although I thought that would bother me, in reality, I found it reassuring. The book is not written in the style of a statistical analysis, so I didn't find that lacking.

My one fault with this book is that it claims to be an "unbiased" look at the choice to have children, but it's obviously meant to sway the reader toward a childfree lifestyle. Although it's not as negative about parenthood as some literature I've read, I wouldn't recommend it for someone who is looking for an unweighted list of positives and negatives. That being said, the points raised about living childfree are all excellent, and although the tone is positive, it's not nearly as sanctimonious and self-congratulating as some of the other childfree literature.

[Teena in Toronto · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting book ... I enjoyed it.

I've always known that I didn't want kids. When I was 30, I chose to do something about it ... and I've never regretted it. I don't feel like I missed out on anything.

I was the oldest of three kids and it fell to me quite often when I was growing up that I was taking care of my brother and sister. So in a way, I feel like I've already raised kids and experienced that responsibility, thanks!

When I told my mother many years ago that I wasn't going to have kids, she said I was being selfish. If I'm being selfish in choosing not to bring unwanted kids into the world then I guess I was and still am. But I'm okay with that.

I love having my freedom to do what I want. Life is too short not to. One of the stats in the book says that parents of two kids devote 7.5 hours a day taking care of their kids. I choose to spend those 7.5 hours a day doing as I choose instead.

I've unconsciously surrounded myself with people who don't have kids ... most of my friends don't have any or they are older and on their own.

I have my kitties ... they are my kids and my life is complete with them.

Blog review: http://www.teenaintoronto.com/2011/09...

[Alyssa · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who doesn't want kids, this book was reassuring in my decision. I thought the author had good points but was a little harsh at times. I think there is a divide between parents with kids and childfree adults but I don't think the gap is as wide as she makes it seem. I'd be interested to read a more updated version of this book as more millennials are deciding not to have kids now.

[Keets · Rating 3 out of 5]

Walker interviews many childfree adults and shares their experiences and perspectives. I appreciated how she interwove stories with data and how she also addressed that there are many reasons - happenstance, choice, and circumstance - that people don’t have children. I felt like the flow began to unravel by the end, but overall learned a lot. Also appreciated how she addressed the question of environmental impact.

[Ally · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have three groups of friends. Those friends who have children, those friends who do not have children, and those friends who do not want children. I have wanted to be single my whole life, and I do want children someday. I have never assumed that people who did not want children were people who hated children, (because after all, I don't hate men.) Until I read this book.

Here are some things my friends who do not want children, and those of us who do not yet have children, have NEVER expressed about those friends that do, that, according to this book, is felt by many childless people. *spoilers below*

"If we must have mother's day and a father's day, we should also have a childfree person's day. After all, WE'RE the one's saving the earth from destruction by not adding to the population." Hello, genius. We have Earth Day for that. Also, when you decide you don't want to be parents, it is largely because you don't want to have to DO anything. I have no intention of celebrating that, you are not doing that for anyone but yourself, but if you want to, good for you. The interesting thing is the amount of childless couples who list freedom to travel as one of the perks of being childfree. Someone want to name five things that raise your carbon footprint faster than air travel? I'm curious.

"It's ridiculous she got time off work to care for her sick child. I don't get time off work when my cat is sick." Um. I honestly don't know what to say to this, except that the people in this book honestly don't think they hate children. But your CAT is a largely autonomous being. If she were to leave that child at home alone? She would probably get arrested. Also, I have actually been in a situation where I was called into work, and had to tell them no because my dog was in dire health and the vet had told me not to leave her alone. Maybe you just need a better job?

"If I had kids, I would just stop trying to be a whole person, because that's what happens." It's NOT what happens. My mother was a parent at 15, and when I went off to college, she still had a lot left to give, so she became a foster parent. In addition to raising an entire second family, she sells Avon, works part time in a hair salon, and plans most of the get-togethers for our large, extended family. For some people, finding continuous and creative ways to nurture IS the finding yourself.

and then of course, "I am tired of all these financial perks given to families. If you can't afford children, you shouldn't be having them." I suppose it comes from being childless and supporting yourself most of the time, but you cannot predict accurately how much it will cost to have a child, and society does not often offer the support needed to be a parent. And considering everyone in this book says, at some point, they make a conscious decision that it was too much effort for them to even consider such an unpredictable lifestyle, you'd think they could afford to be a little less condescending toward those brave enough to take the plunge. But apparently, not.

I went into this book with an open mind, honestly. I bought it because it was cheap, but also because a friend of mine had a fertility scare a while back, and it got me thinking about my own future. I hoped by reading a book about how nice it was to not have children, I would not be so afraid to not have my own, if it worked out that way. But this is not a book about how great it is to not have children. This is a book about how horrible it is that so many OTHER people have children.

Though the book insists several times that neither the author, nor the participants hate children, they all seem to transfer that hate directly onto parents. While to some extent I understand, in the same way that I hate weddings because I don't want to get married and I'm tired of the fact that every time there is a wedding someone asks me when I'm going to get up there, I would never say the kind of disparaging things about someone else's marriage that these people say about other people's parenting. They all seem to be of the opinion that every child is unprepared for and/or unexpected, and take on a tone of moral superiority: If everyone thought as hard about it as they had, their's would be the more popular choice. But for a select few, we are all apparently, lemmings, breeding for the sake of some long-redundant urge to keep the human race alive.

I am really glad that these people have thought so hard and made such a wise decision. With a few exceptions, most of the people in this book are not the kind of people I would want to see reproducing anyway.

[Lacey Louwagie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wow, for once I actually gave a book a higher star rating than the "average," which hardly ever happens! Still, a three-star review from me doesn't mean a whole lot -- it's not a book I'll remember, but I won't snark on it *too* much, either. For this particular book, I wonder if the low average rating (2.86) is further proof that we really do live in a society that is overly "pro-kid."

Although Ivan and I both feel pretty sure that we want kids, we also both possess a part of us that is hesitant. I thought reading a book like this would be a good way for me to further explore that before I made any big, permanent decisions, like, popping out a baby. And although this book claims that one of its purposes is to serve as a "guide" to younger women (i.e.: women still in their childbearing years) about the choice that is available to them, it didn't really feel like that. Instead, it felt like a group therapy session for people without kids, where they got to re-affirm one another about their decisions and to gripe a little bit about kids or their friends who have kids. And while I definitely see a place for that -- any minority group needs a place where they can know they aren't alone, and sometimes a book is the only place you can access that realization -- the general negativity toward kids expressed in this book started to grate on me. Although many of the contributors swore that they didn't "dislike children," and I believe them, it was sort of frustrating to hear them bemoan how they "never saw" their friends who had kids anymore -- but in the same breath admitted to disliking it when those same friends brought their children to events friends were participating in together. Having maintained close friendships with people who have kids, I felt that the contributor's general sense that their friends should "separate" from their kids for the sake of their friendship was irksome, when I wanted the childfree adults to just accept that their friend had a kid and welcome that child as part of the friend that you love.

This book also felt a lot longer than it needed to be -- a lot of it could have been said better in an article than a book. I didn't really need to hear 25 times that childfree adults had so much more FREE TIME and how much they LOVED THEIR FREEDOM. I guess these are good points to people who don't realize that, in having kids, they'll give up a bit of both of these things, but this book didn't really bring anything to the table that I hadn't already thought about myself. Also, this book is definitely skewed toward "childfree by choice" sentiments, glossing over the stories of women who wanted children but weren't able to have them, and even, at one point, accusing those women of not properly "integrating" their experiences when they couldn't "get over" not being able to have kids. Still, if this book makes childfree adults feel less alone, and if it helps people who just assume they'll have kids consider that decision more consciously, then I'm glad it's out there in the world. It just wasn't for me.

[Also, the ebook formatting was done really poorly on this one, and the questions at the end of each chapter felt pretty elementary.]

[Josh · Rating 5 out of 5]

one of the best books i've read this year. this being the 48th book of the year, that's saying something. a great, rational discussion on the pros & cons of choosing to be childfree. i slammed it out in 2 sittings.

there's just so much i can say about this book, i have no idea where to begin... one of the main themes in the book is one of personal responsibility. many people overlook the responsibility aspect of having children. consider that over half of all pregnancies are unplanned. look at the amount of people that require government assistance to raise children & the high levels of subsidizing that take place.

many individuals reproduce because it's what's expected. they pay little heed to their ability to pay for the child, their ability to care for it (for the rest of their or its life, whichever should end first), fail to consider genetic conditions that could lead to increased risk of illness, defects, etc or even consider the time and emotional commitments required, and often overestimate the stability of their partnership prior to doing so (if they're actually in a partnership).

the author cites studies indicating that marital satisfaction decreases after the arrival of a child, that parents often decline in productivity in the work place (and by extension, in contribution to taxes that pay for the services they draw upon more heavily than those who pay larger taxes as a result of not having extensive credits for reproducing), declines in personal development, lower levels of healthiness, less time, increased stress, lack of mobility, and constant responsibility for another human.

granted, much of this assumes that the parent is involved in their child's life - as we all know, some parents are worthless fucks who should never be allowed to reproduce in the first place.

additionally, the author spends a great deal of time discussing the impacts on those who choose to remain childfree in terms of their relationships with their friends (which often falter when those individuals do reproduce), the additional need for retirement planning (as they lack a younger generation to assist them in their twilight years), and their need to justify their decision as if there is something wrong with them b/c of their choice.

this book is a good step to showing the younger generations that there are options other than "find someone, marry them, reproduce, set your life on hold for a few decades, then maybe have a chance at being happy again"

i would go as far as saying that this should be required reading for anyone capable of breeding.

[Andrea · Rating 1 out of 5]

One of the few books I've read for the first time this year.

I realize it's a bit late for me, but I had a hard time finding similar books back when I was trying to decide whether or not to have kids and so I downloaded this when I saw it was available for free.

The author is a psychologist who, primarily through therapy with patients, has spoken with a number of people who do not have kids.

She divides such people into three basic categories:

childfree by choice (never wanted kids),
childfree by circumstance (wanted kids but couldn't have them), and
childfree by happenstance (might have wanted and/or really wanted kids but never got around to it due to lack of the right partner, etc., until it was too late).

Some of the people she interviews seem to fall into more than one category. The author herself appears to fall into the third category, but I get the impression that she's trying to convince herself that it was a conscious choice of hers not to have kids rather than "happenstance."

I only gave it one star because the writing is very mechanical and impersonal, the author cites very little research or evidence (other than anecdotal evidence based on her own experience and interviews of patients and other volunteers) to back up her assertions, the editing is fairly lax (full of a typo where the "h" is often but not always dropped from words beginning in "th", and it's too bad the book isn't organized according to the three categories and/or according to some of the people she interviewed.

I guess I expected to come away from reading this at least somewhat ambivalent and more thoughtful about my own decisions, but if anything, I feel kind of glad I'm not like some of the people profiled in the book. I just don't feel that the author did a very good job of making the case for not having kids - it's more a book on how to survive despite not having kids than a book on how to thrive because one doesn't have kids (which is what I thought the book would be about based on the title).

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I happened upon the Kindle version of this book during a promotion in April of 2011, when it was first published. The newest edition was published on 5/15/2012. If previous comments are true it was to correct poor formatting and spelling errors. It even has a new ISBN number.
Setting all that aside, I picked this up during a promotion and was glad I did. I’m in my mid 40’s and my husband had a vasectomy last year giving us official ChildFree status. The book gave me the validation I hadn’t realized I was missing. I love the idea of being “Childfree vs. being Childless.” This is not a book for people trying to decide if they want to have children, it is for those who have already decided they don’t and now need help coming to terms with that.
I felt it really came up short in giving methods to cope. I could not find anything that helps when I have the occasional thought that I missed out on something. I did realize my husband and I don’t seem to know any other couples who are “childfree”. Maybe the author wants you to go to her website, completewithoutkids.com and check out the resources there.
If you are looking for a book to help you decide whether or not to have kids, check out “Do I Want to Be a Mom” by Diana Dell (Author), Suzan Erem (Author)

[Kitty · Rating 2 out of 5]

As someone who has, after years of careful thought, decided not to have children, I liked the idea of a book that supported the idea of a child-free life. Unfortunately, the idea was better than the book.

I think this book did try to give an unbiased opinion on the subject, showing both positive and negative side effects of a child-free life. Perhaps it would be helpful to someone who's still making that decision. However, it seems to me that most people reading this book are doing so because they have already made their choice. Overall, I know I made the right decision for me, and most of the time, I'm happy with that decision. I thought this book would make me feel even better about that. It didn't.

Most of this book is simply interviews with childfree adults - some happy about it, some not. And questions to ask yourself, about what life without kids means to you. I just didn't find this very helpful, or enlightening, or enjoyable. However, I am still glad that there is a book out there that discusses the idea that it's okay to be child-free.

[Mina V · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought that, overall, the book was an excellent way to talk about why people choose to be childfree, and identify themselves with the word "childfree" as opposed to "childless". I don't believe, however, that childfree is the term to use with people who want kids but can't have them for some reason -- those people are childless as the lack of children make them feel they are missing something. For those of us who don't feel we are missing out on something by not procreating, the term to be used is childfree because of its much more positive connotation.

And yes, kids are a nuisance. It isn't selfish to recognise that kids involve a lot of sacrificing on the parents' part (mentally, physically, emotionally, financially), and choose to not want to make those sacrifices. It's selfish, however, to have kids for any reason besides that of both partners wanting children, and being ready to make those sacrifices, which involves planning.

[JD Evermore · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book! Presents a broad perspective on those who are childless, whether by choice, chance, or happenstance, as the author puts it. Lots of personal stories from a wide array of individuals interviewed by the author, with some great perspective.

My favourite quote:
"The reality is, we cannot do everything that life has to offer; we have to make choices about which experiences are the most critical for us, and we have to feel okay about the ones we pass up."
- Ellen Walker, PhD, Complete Without Kids

[Katherine Coble · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was some pretty basic stuff. I got the book free on Kindle and since Childfree is such an uncommon lifestyle I was excited to see what the author and her interview subjects had to say.

Sadly there was nothing here I couldn't get from spending the same amount of time on Childfree Internet fora. It's less a "guide to Childfree living" and more an introduction to the concept. There were a few nuggets of truth but the author backed away from anything that could be seen as controversial.

[Michel Lamblin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel the line between (a) arguing for why living a childfree life is better than having kids, and (b) persuading people and society at large to accept your choice to live childfree, is not quite clear. While I wanted more of (a), with rigorous argumentation and data to back it up, I slowly came to realize that (b) was more of Walker's aim, and perhaps the only consistent and problem-free path to take. So my own conviction that I needed (a) was overturned by Walker's steady, insistent hammering of (b); perhaps I could have done with much fewer anecdotes of how great living childfree is, how much time people have to do what they want when childfree, how significantly more financially stable living childfree is, etc., and just been satisfied with the gist of the book that, hey - you might be childfree by chance, by happenstance, or by choice, and that's no less wrong or better than having children (by chance, happenstance, or choice), and you should just embrace it as a choice you've made (even if it didn't start out as a choice you had 100% control over) and seek out friends and support networks that are like-minded or open to childfree living.

[Breezy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This Book makes a lot of good points about living child free. The problem I had with it is that it’s written like a story, which on one hand makes it an easy read but on the other hand I thought it was hard to keep track of the people she had interviewed.

The book was also fairly repetitive. There were a couple instances where sentences were literally repeated a paragraph apart or multiple times I thought, “she already made that point.”

It’s a good read if you’re on the fence about a childfree lifestyle but not a fully comprehensive study.

[Angelica · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked how they shared lots of stories of real life people. I enjoyed the breakdown of several aspects of life. The phrase "do you want a playmate or a parent as your partner" stuck out to me. I want a playmate and have one. I felt the book was unbiased and could've been longer and delved a bit deeper but it was nice to read a childfree book that was very neutral and showed plus and minus of several ways of life.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

“According to a Guttmacher Institute survey, nearly 50 percent of pregnancies in the United States are unplanned. Imagine living in a world in which every single individual of childbearing age took the time to mull over the decision about whether or not to have children, rather than simply allowing pregnancy to happen—how many fewer children would be conceived?”

[Candice · Rating 4 out of 5]

The most validating book I’ve read in a long time and certainly the most validating book I’ve read on the subject, ever.

[Lenna the Unicorn Cat · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was not worth the time.

[Lance Eaton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Walker approaches the subject first by re-framing it as "childfree" instead of "childless". Linguistically, this intrigued me from the start because it speaks of how we tend to frame adults. They are lacking--"childless". In a culture that orgiastically worships children and youth, to be "childless" means you lack any connection to what's important. Curiously, the word has overlap with the word "chilly"--clearly not a conspiracy of any sort, but interestingly nonetheless as that is somehow childfree adults are described as the author points out.

The book operates as a guide for things to consider if a person is on the fence or a reinforcement of the decision for those that have decided. In fact, in many ways the author tries to play to several different audiences ("Childfree living by choice or by chance" as the subtitles reads) and I don't know that it works out as successfully if she had just charged in deep to one specific audience. She does provide a panorama view of the things to consider from coming to the decision, to engaging the world from this vantage point, to the new choices opened up to you by moving in this direction. She also emphasizes differences in relationship, wealth, and opportunities for those finding themselves along this path.

My major critique of the book is that it doesn't really have a substantial strong male presence or approach about what it means to be a male without children. I don't think she fully considered that there are different experiences for men who don't have children than women. I would argue that there is. This is not a case of one has it worse than another, but how that decision is challenged or questioned often plays out differently. For women, not having children can often mean they are looked at as less, devalued, or not seen as a complete woman. For men, the judgment comes in other forms such as challenges about our masculinity and even implications or raise eyebrows as somehow being more predatory than men who do have children. So I think she misses the boat on that one (mayhaps the book I need to write?).

All in all, she provides some good food for thought even for people who believe they are going to have children but want to think more critically about it before moving forward with the decision. I have to wonder if people had the opportunity to have a genuine conversation on the topic of whether to procreate or not, how many of them actually would--especially when we consider that about half of children born were unplanned.

If you enjoyed this review, feel free to check out my other reviews and writings at By Any Other Nerd /

[Carter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ellen does a thorough job of exploring the many reasons an individual or a couple may not have children, be it by choice, circumstance, or happenstance. She uses personal anecdotes as well as qualitative interviews she gathered from a small but diverse sample of individuals (single individuals, couples, straight and gay couples, individuals from a variety of backgrounds and different age groups). She also presents current relevant research to explain the ways in which having or not having children impacts different areas of life (marital satisfaction, finances, career, etc.). At the end of each section she also presents the reader with thought-provoking questions that may assist in the consideration of whether or not to take the "childfree" path. As such, the book does a fantastic job of living up to its name. If you are considering the "childfree" path I highly recommend this book. And unlike having a child, you can always change your mind about choosing to be childfree so don't let the topic scare you off. When offered a choice, I'm always going to choose an informed decision!

It should be noted this book is intended for individuals contemplating the "childfree" path; as such it may seem biased against having children. There are a plethora of sources available for those individuals that want more information about HAVING children and that is not at all what this book addresses. This book is designed to offer the alternative perspective, to fill a gap and present information on a subject for which very little information exists. Therefore, it would make sense that it would focus on NOT having children.

[Martha☀ · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ellen Walker conducted interviews with a wide variety of childfree adults - including those who are childfree by circumstance or by choice - and analyzed the many aspects of their lives which are impacted by not having children. There are chapters on finances, leisure time, societal pressures, baby fever, etc. Each section of the book ends with 'questions to consider', allowing you to look closely at your own life and examine how you have dealt with each topic.
This is not a book which tries to convince you to be childfree. It is more of an examination of this unrecognized (unsung) group in society. She looks into the difficulties faced, such as being seen as a child-hater or being excluded from friends' lives when their baby arrives. And she shows the perks, such as financial freedom and the time to pursue personal interests.
It is not a page-turner but reads more like a textbook, except with many TH typos. Also I found that Walker referred too often to her own life and her decisions, making it read like a diary at some points. I wonder if she wrote the book in order to convince herself that being childfree is okay. She seems to be trying to come to terms with her own status.
Having said that , I think it is a comprehensive book worth spending the time to read (since we childfree have that lovely gift of time to read).

[Beth · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a free Kindle download on Amazon. I think I would've been pretty upset if I'd paid real money for this. I don't think this can be considered a "guide" to anything, nor is it really written in a self-help format. It seems more like someone's attempt at writing a term paper, with a bunch of citations from personal interviews thrown in. It's all quite disjointed, and the editing is TERRIBLE. I can't tell you how many grammatical and punctuation errors there are in this book! It's like someone hit "ignore all" on the spellcheck and it skipped every instance of the word They, Then, The, That, Through, etc., so that the book has numerous sentences that start with Tey, Ten, Te, Tat, Trough, etc. Very distracting and annoying!

Nonetheless, I found that there were some insightful passages in the book, which is the only reason I'm giving this book 2 stars instead of 1. The casual interviews the author conducted resulted in some overall common themes among various people who are childfree, and I did enjoy and appreciate reading the thoughts of others that so closely mirrored mine. I obviously know that there are others out there who are childfree by choice like I am, but nonetheless, it was validating, in a way, to read about it.

Overall, this book was slightly interesting, but I'm not likely to recommend it to anyone.

[Dixie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sometimes it's difficult being a woman in her mid-to-upper 30s who has chosen to be childfree. I have known for a long time that I do not want children. This decision never bothered me until recently when I began to feel somewhat lonely in my choice. This led me to seek out some childfree reading material.

This book wasn't terrible, but it wasn't really fun reading either. Good points were made, such as the fact that you can be childfree and still have a nurturing personality. Overpopulation is discussed quite a bit (I used to cite overpopulation as my reason for not having children, but it's really more than that). I liked the idea that, in time, being childfree will have less stigma in society. The hope is that childfree women (and men) won't have to explain their choice and/or be made to feel that they are somehow missing out on the most important aspect of adult life.

Unfortunately, I did not feel a connection to any of the stories. While the women featured were honest in their choices to be childfree, the reading fell flat for me.

I am still on the hunt for an engaging and fun childfree book.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book because it presented the perspective of a childfree life, and it was interesting to step inside that life and "see" and understand it. I appreciated that the author noted that people who are childfree come to that place in their life in different ways -- some because they always knew they did not want to become parents, some because they physically could not become parents, and some because life circumstances simply worked out that way. Everyone has his or her own unique experience, this book thoughtfully shared.

A weak point of "Complete Without Kids," I think, is the author's reliance on anecdotes and personal philosophizing. These anecdotes, etc. were interesting to read, but I think this would have been a stronger book if it contained more research and more data-driven points and conclusions.

[Stacy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Usually, people who don't have kids are put in 2 categories: those who don't want them and those who don't have them.

I am glad that this book mentions a third option: those who did not become parents due to situational factors (it just never happened). I fit into this category. In the earlier years of my marriage, our finances would not have made children possible. Now that I'm older, my husband and I just don't have that desire to be parents. I wouldn't rule out adopting or fostering later, but at this time, I don't have the time and energy to make the sacrifices needed to be a parent.

I also like that they mention that childless (or childfree) people have trouble finding friends without children and don't necessarily dislike kids. Also, people without kids aren't selfish like some might think.