Helping the Stork: The Choices and Challenges of Donor Insemination

by Carol Frost Vercollone, Heidi Moss, Robert Moss

Helping the Stork The sourcebook for all the information parents-to-be need to know about the choices and challenges of donor insemination Each year donor insemination (DI) offers a pathway to parenthood for the hundreds of thousands who turn to family-building alternatives. Although DI is considered as often as adoption, couples facing male infertility, as well as single women and lesbian couples, have had few places to turn for information about this method, which has been shrouded in secrecy. In Helping the Stork, parents-to-be, as well as friends and family, doctors, and counselors, can explore the choices and challenges raised by this alternative to overcoming childlessness. This comprehensive handbook moves through each step of the process: reaching a solid decision about whether donor insemination is the best choice for a family's future; handling the difficult issue of privacy; selecting a donor and getting started; and learning to thrive as a family meeting DI's added challenges. Full of wisdom from medical and mental health experts, Helping the Stork is also enriched with stories from many families who share their insights and experiences. This book is a reassuring, supportive, and helpful guide that no one considering or going through the process of donor insemination should be without. Visit us online at http: //www.mcp.com/mg

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting

320 pages, Paperback

First published October 7, 1997

Reviews

[Ruth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Let me start by stating something that is obvious but bears repeating: this book was published in 1997. That might as well have been 1897 in the sense of how much has changed, both medically, legally, and socially, in the field of assisted reproduction technology during the last twenty-three years. Unfortunately, however, there is a real dirth of published books on DI, hence this book still has merit, even though it is woefully outdated. I think it should be noted, despite what the authors say in the revised introduction circa 2000 and the one desultory chapter on the subject, that this book is really NOT well suited for LGBT couples or single parents by choice; it was written very much with an audience of heterosexual couples using donor sperm because of male-factor infertility in mind, and all of the interviews quoted in the book are with straight couples. The language used is often cringingly gendered, heteronormative, and just plain dated - again, a lot has changed in 20 plus years. However, there are several, newer books specifically focusing on sperm donors for lesbian couples and single-moms-by-choice. There are to my knowledge no other books focusing on DI for straight couples, which is why I'm glad this book exists, even though it's ancient. I think the authors rightly point out that men choosing to use a donor due to male factor infertility often face much more emotional turmoil than lesbian couples or single women using a donor, and male factor infertility still carries enormous stigma in our society. Some of the stories the men quoted in the book share of the judgmental comments they received, both from strangers and from family and "friends," are truly horrifying, and unfortunately, I don't think society has evolved that much since 1997. Reading these sections, while deeply painful, I think will give spouses and partners of an infertile man an eye-opening empathy for what he may be going through. I think this book is most helpful when its at its most personal, when the various anonymous interviewees share their own heartfelt stories, even the uncomfortable parts. It should be noted that the medical information in this book is completely outdated (presumably it was accurate at the time it was written, but many statements in the book are now flat out wrong.) So consult with a doctor, not just this book, before making any medical decisions about DI. However, I think Helping the Stork's emotional perspective is much needed, since fertility clinics often neglect to address this very important emotional piece. My favorite part of the book was the brief section near the end with interviews from adults who were donor conceived; for the most part, they all seem like happy, healthy, well-adjusted people (and for those that don't, it's clear that there were a lot of other family dynamic issues at play that had nothing to do with DI.) While most of the resources the book recommends are no longer available (defunct websites and out of print books etc...) the RESOLVE phone hotline actually still exists, and I personally found it staffed by incredibly kind, warm, well informed volunteers. I do hope this book gets a much needed update and new edition for the 21st century.

[Sheri Fresonke Harper · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found the conversational style and focus on the impact of people suffering through fertility problems was right on the mark compared with many people I have met that discussed the trials they went through. The discussion is very focused on the specific treatment and also acts as a guide for what to expect when people seek fertility help. I like the discussion about babies in utero, especially since success occurs when the baby is actually born.

[Shannon Zilligen · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good book tohelp you look at all sides of the infertility issue. It is a great "prep" book to go though before jumping into the CRAZY world of IVF, DI etc. It is not too crazy in depth about anything but does broach each consideration one should make when needing to go this route to have a family. She breaks down the crazy new vocab and ideas in ways a non-medical person can understand it. I am in medicine and STILL found this book very helpful.

[Merkathi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Valuable resource for anyone considering donor insemination. In particular I liked how it did focus too heavily on any one group - couples, single mothers, lesbians, etc. Regarding known donors, it gives both the parent(s) and donor plenty to think about before making any decisions.

[Hailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic reference book for anyone interested in the process behind donor insemination. It breaks the idea down from big, scary and unknown into a process anyone can understand and follow.