Close the Door Softly Behind You

by Emmaleen Kriel

Emmaleen Kriel is the mother of seven children, so caring for others comes naturally. When her husband dies, leaving her in an empty nest and precarious financial position, Emma is compelled to sell her caring skills in the United Kingdom.

"I sometimes wonder what caring is all about. As I see it, I care for cash. Does seem funny - how can you care for someone and be paid for it? Rather like making love and being paid for it: doesn't work."

But Emma finds that her paid caring brings comfort and joy into the lives of those she works for (although, for her, the three-year stint is not without its trials, homesickness and yearnings). She helps a nervous first-time mother, a feisty old woman with Alzheimer's and a professor with Parkinson's who just wants to "cuddle"; and cooks and cleans for a family of minor aristocrats at their villa in France, an old Lady's two overweight Corgis, and ex-Prime Minister Sir Edward Heath. During this time she comforts herself with letters home to her grown brood and their young families. She also learns what it means to work in service, at last confronting those maids who worked for her in South Africa in an open letter to the Truth and Reconciliation Commission.

Join this middle-aged, slightly eccentric woman on this journey taken later in life where, in trying to teach her children independence, she discovers her own.

370 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

Reviews

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this fascinating, perhaps largely for personal reasons. I first heard of the book before I left South Africa in 2006 to do exactly the same work in the UK.

It is probably just as well it took so long to acquire it! Nevertheless, the process of comparing experiences has been most interesting. I can relate to much of what she writes about, although the difference in our personalities really got me thinking. Emma is bolder and much more assertive than I am. It seemed to lead to more disappointments. That said, we both found much fulfillment, developed in particular ways and looked back on our African past, as employers, with different understanding and regret.

The book is written as a series of journal entries, letters to Emmaleen's children, grandchildren and friends, short poetic sections, flights of fancy and sections of narration. It really is very good.

The quest to understand a wealthy and largely much-indulged clientele, different country and culture, balanced with a strong desire to prove her skills and her own value whilst struggling with isolation from her dearly loved family is very entertaining.

Finally, her brave public confrontation of the way she - and countless other 'white madams'- treated their black domestic employees culminates in an open letter of apology. This was broadcast by BBC. It makes good reading. She is a brave lady.

[Cathy Milner · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the format of the book...all in the form of letters and emails etc. Very insightful into the role of a domestic worker...and just loved the letter to all domestic workers at the end. A very good read.

[Robyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed this lovely book. I especially understood the caring bit as having done it myself, it does help to remind us of what its like to be in the employ in a household instead of the employer. Beautiful writing and enjoyed her story of having to leave home in order to come home.

[Tamryn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lovely and incredibly well written! Loved the little antidotes, as a South African, it really resonated with me. Besides the cute and funny stories, it was heart warming and an eye opener to the way we treat people that work for us.

[Shelley Olivier]

So enjoyed this book. My mother has live in carers so could relate.