Holy Sex: The Way God Intended It

by Michael Pearl

God created his children as sexual opposites, and designed marriage to be the context of erotic pleasure. While the church has been mostly silent on the subject of sex, the world and the devil have attempted to make it their domain. The church has rightly proclaimed the biblical prohibitions on the misuse of sex, but it has failed to speak out on the godliness of erotic pleasure in the context of marriage. Out of the 66 books composing the Bible, one whole book is dedicated to promoting erotic pleasure—the Song of Solomon. Michael Pearl takes his readers through a refreshing journey of the Biblical texts. This sanctifying look at the most powerful passion God ever created will free the reader from false guilt and inhibition. Michael Pearl says, “It is time for Christian couples to take back this sacred ground and enjoy the holy gift of sexual pleasure.” This material is intended for mature audiences. Don’t read this book unless you are married, have definite plans to be married in the next few weeks, or are an older teenager whose parents have first read it and approve of you doing so. If you don’t think God meant for sex to be fun, this book is definitely for you!

Genres: Marriage, Christian, Nonfiction, Religion, Sexuality, Spirituality, Christianity

98 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 1, 2002

About the author

Michael and Debi Pearl were both raised in Memphis, Tennessee, in good homes, by parents who were faithful to point them to God. Mike, a graduate of Mid-South Bible College in Memphis (now Victory University), has been active in evangelism and the work of the ministry since he was a teenager. He worked with Union Mission in Memphis for 25 years, while he and Debi also ministered to the many military families in Memphis and pastored churches. They moved to rural Tennessee where they continued in the work by holding Bible studies in local homes, which eventually led to regular meetings of the local body of believers, and by starting the prison ministry. God eventually led them into the ministry of writing on child training and family relationships, which they now feel is their life’s work and calling. In addition to the child training ministry, the work of the prison ministry, missions, Bible studies, and family life is still ongoing. The Pearls have been married since 1971, and have 5 children and 18 grandchildren. The Pearl children have always been involved in their parents’ ministry, and in their adulthood continue to be involved in some way in ministering where they are.

Reviews

[Josh Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short, solid read on one of the most unique books of the Bible. Pearl spends about three-fourths of the book just giving a verse-by-verse study of the Song of Solomon. He then finishes the book with some tremendous truth concerning the sexual relationship in marriage and how important it is in a marriage.

If you have never read Pearl before, you might be shocked by his frankness. However, I find it rather refreshing in a day and age where most Christians are silent on a topic that God created. The world shouts about sex from the mountaintop while Christians are silent about it.

As the author states, "the devil didn't create sex; God did. Sex is not the original sin; it is the original blessing."

Every married and soon-to-be married couple would do well to read this book.

Here are a few of my favorite excerpts:

"That the ancient nation of Israel was comfortable including an erotic text in their Holy Scriptures reveals the difference in their attitude and that of this present culture."

"In this present age, where believers have accepted the cloud of shame cast over sex, the Bible still contains not just a discussion of sex, but a song to be sung in public, performed as a drama, presented at weddings, applauded in public, practiced at home - or in the fields and forests."

"The merging of bodies satisfies our God-given 'itch,' but the merging of souls satisfies our God-given spirits."

"God will give you salvation, but he doesn't give anyone a good marriage. You work for it. You sacrifice...marriages grow as people grow."

[Cary Sawatsky · Rating 1 out of 5]

A very disappointing book. About half of the book is actually referring to the Song of Solomon, the other half is Pearl's personal feelings and admonishments related to sex. You can get a much better explanation of the SoS by doing a Google search, which I would recommend to the author. If any research was done for this book, I couldn't tell. I am very happy for him and his wife. They seem to have a healthy sex life. However, while I'm not a fan of political correctness, I don't think that it is in good taste to use the term "queer" to refer to homosexual men. I also dislike his preachy style. All said, I bought the book thinking that I might gain some insights to the meaning of SoS's descriptive language, but Pearl offered nothing from the original language (unless he thinks the King James version was the original.)

[Abby Libby · Rating 1 out of 5]

UGH. EW. HORRIBLE. There were many good and true things in this book, but so much bad interpretation of scripture, so much chauvinism, a little racism, and far too much personal sexual fantasy coloring what is supposedly a Bible Study in Song of Solomon.

If you're looking for a thorough discussion of the joys of sex within marriage check out Dr. Kevin Leman's Sheet Music. It's a Much Better Read. In all the ways.

[Heather Leipart · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a good one! If you love Song of Solomon and it's permission to, well..ya know...then you'll love this book!

[A.J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

11 chapters
80 pages

Book Summary: To summarize the book, let me quote from its introduction:

“…And then there is one entire book of eight chapters that celebrates the beauty and passion of sex. It is frank, bold, lively, and absolutely blushless in its freedom and freshness (1). Divine inspiration gave it the title, ‘Song of [S]ongs’—a rather high recommendation….That the ancient nation of Israel was comfortable including an erotic text in their Holy Scriptures reveals the difference in their attitude and that of this present culture. Unlike us, they had not surrendered the pleasures and art of lovemaking to the depraved and base elements of society. The righteous could talk about it, sing about it, attend a drama that encouraged marital love, and believe that ‘the way of a man with a maid’ was a beautiful gift from God. In this present age, where [B]elievers have accepted the cloud of shame cast over sex, the Bible still contains not just a discussion of sex, but a song to be sung in public, performed as a drama, presented at weddings, applauded in public, practiced at home—or, in the fields and forests (2)….The song is primarily about her desires and feelings….The song speaks of senses excited by physical nature, fruit, birds, animals, springtime, sun, night, mountains, trees, and flowers. The reader is inundated with spices and odors, secret fountains, mountainous hideaways, and all this with allusions to their abandonment to erotic desires and experiences (4). The religious world often views sex as the enemy of the spirit—the opposite of righteousness—as if the more you deny yourself, the [holier] you are. But this inspired song reveals a worldview that is totally comfortable with enjoying the carnal and temporal in and of itself, and yet the sensual transports them onto a plane of spiritual experience that resends the vehicle itself. In this godly song there is no carnal versus spiritual; all of self is unified in the experience of marital love. The whole person—body and soul—is integrated with physical nature in perfect harmony with everything without and within (5).”

My Review (starting with my personal journey): English was always my best subject, especially when it came to writing because I could spin a tale or write a tome on any given subject matter. Turns out that was because God wanted me to become an authoress of fiction novels (my first novel, "Unconditional Love," came out last year, written under A.J. Strickland, but I must warn you...it is the modern version of Song of Songs (i.e., pretty steamy). And I'm currently working on my next two novels—another stand-alone and then the first in a series!). I write Christian novels…sort of. When I wrote my first novel (for my best friend to read our senior year in high school), I wasn’t living for God and so wrote all sorts of sexual scenes that didn’t glorify His creation. Years later, when I realized that writing wasn’t just a passing fad for me but something I really wanted to do, I thought that I had burned my chances with that first novel. But God had a plan for me. Once I had rededicated my life to Him, He also redeemed my dream of writing. But He also told me that I was to write for Him, glorifying Him—even when it came to sex. I thought I’d misheard Him. I mean, yes, He had been teaching me all sorts of things about relationships, sex, intimacy, male/female roles, etcetera, but did He really expect me to write sexual scenes in my novels? The answer: Yes.

That’s when He led me to Song of Solomon. I’d never paid any attention to it before because, seriously, it was hard for me to get into a book in which the “heroine” is compared to elks and doves and whatever else. No one’s more of a romantic than I, but even I’m hard-pressed to point out much romance in those verses! And, well, the Church seemed to shy away from this book and to all talk of sex in general. When it came to sex, the Church preached “abstinence till marriage” without batting an eye, but it never addressed anything more. It was almost as if the Church were afraid or embarrassed to acknowledge that sex after marriage (which, after all, was created by God) happened or, more than that, could be fun, arousing, exciting, sensual, erotic, and any number of other things. So I figured my pre-rededicated beliefs on sex were still rooted in my flesh—that part of me that hadn’t yet had time to let the Holy Spirit do His work in me.

But the more I walked with God and let Him teach me, the more I realized that He was telling me that I was to write my novels to TAKE SEX BACK FOR HIM! God created sex for a husband and wife, but the devil bastardized it (as he’s done with everything else) and made it something we joke about, make lewd comments about, use ridiculously stupid phrases in description (“bumping skins” comes to mind), and even use it to hurt, demean, control, or debase women. (And if one of those makes God the angriest, it’s the last one because God LOVES women. In a culture that didn’t value women at all, Jesus showed the world God’s true feelings toward women, and the women flocked to Him because of His genuine regard for them.)

Aside from writing, I love to read. And I enjoy both Christian and non-Christian works. But I noticed in the latter that sex was always, well, either silly (for instance, best friends would talk about their boyfriends and sex and get silly about the subject, as if they were embarrassed to admit they were having sex) or raunchy. And the former genre didn’t really touch on sex at all. Sure, characters were married and had kids, but the intimacies described seemed to go no further than goodbye kisses or hand holding. But there never seemed to be anything in between. Where were the Christian novels that described a couple’s first time as the passionate, all-consuming night of fire that I know God intended? Or what about the couple married for ten, twenty years—where were the scenes that showed them still as hot for each other as when they first got together? The devil has put it out there that marriage basically kills sex, so get it while you can, but I know God, and God was the One Who created sex. And if He created something that causes such passions to flow in both sexes, then He wouldn’t have done so knowing it would freeze up after the “I dos,” but the Church doesn’t seem willing to portray the truth.

So I had my marching orders from God: write your novels and use Song of Solomon as your guide. (After all, most people don’t read nonfiction books. People enjoy stories; they liked to be entertained—NOT to feel as if they’re in some lecture hall learning about God’s views on sex. Not that I have anything against clinical books (keep reading), but if God wants to reach people, fiction really is the best way to do so. SHOW people through examples using characters they can relate to.) So I wrote and wrote and wrote, readying for the day God told me to get published. All the while fretting because, well, no one in the Church was going to sanction my books. I mean, “sex is pretty much taboo, God,” I said. To which He said, “There are those in My Church who will say what you write is evil, but you get your approval from Me.” Gulp. Okay. “Don’t suppose I could get some confirmation that I’m hearing You correctly? Something that tells me I’m on the right Biblical path?”

That’s when I was led to “Holy Sex,” by Dr. Gregory Popcak. This was written from the Catholic perspective. And, wow, was I amazed. I’m Protestant but went to Catholic school for half my education. I don’t view Catholics or Catholicism as some Protestants do. And when it comes to sex, I have to say, Catholics are certainly not skittish the way Protestants seem to be. The more I read in Popcak’s book, the more I realized that I was hearing God correctly.

That was in 2008. And in 2020, I came across this book, also entitled “Holy Sex.” Finally! All this time in between the first “Holy Sex” and this one, I felt all alone in how I was feeling about sex and the Church. A book such as “Fifty Shades” comes out, and, sure, the Church has its typical pearl-clenching uproar, but to what end? Freaking out about something doesn’t combat it! Sex is God’s. Let’s take it back! Let’s show the world that God is the Creator of beauty, of something that binds a couple together! Dr. Popcak’s book is clinical; it gives the science and physiology behind sex and how what God ordered in the Bible is now being backed up by science (or rather how science is finally starting to come to God’s conclusions). But Michael Pearl’s book is written by a man without a PhD or clinical trials. Pearl’s a husband and father. He’s been married to the same woman for multiple decades. And he writes that he STILL feels all that burning passion and desire for erotic sex with his wife (paraphrased)!

Hallelujah! Finally! A Christian scolds the Church for its reticence. “While the church has been mostly silent on the subject of sex, the world and the devil have attempted to make it their domain. The church has rightly proclaimed biblical prohibitions on the misuse of sex, but it has failed to speak out on the godliness of erotic pleasure in the context of marriage….Michael Pearl says, ‘It is time for Christian couples to take back this sacred ground and enjoy the holy gift of sexual pleasure’ ” (Back Cover).

And I couldn’t agree more. I will admit that I toned down the sex in my first novel because, well, I learned that members of my grandma’s church were planning on buying it when it comes out, and I didn’t want anyone to have the vapors reading the honeymoon scenes (yes, plural!) or the after-the-honeymoon sex scenes. But my future novels have sex in them. Will all scenes be hot and heavy? No. Because God created people differently. Just as in real life, my heroes and heroines have different personalities. One hero is a former porn star (this is the hero of the series I'm currently working on!), and so, of course, he’s not at all ashamed of or bashful about sex. He knows all the things to drive his wife wild, and she ADORES him because of it. Another hero/heroine are virgins on their honeymoon (yes, it does happen, people), so there’s experimentation, curiosity, and, of course, heady passion. Not all couples are the same, so not all sex lives will be the same.

But enough with my backstory. Now about THIS book. Pearl writes out all eight chapters (in King James) but then translates it himself, putting it into vernacular you can understand. He also explains the reasons behind “your hair is a flock of goats, that appear from Mount Gilead (18)” and such. I mean, I knew this was a shepherd speaking and an agrarian society, but still! Anyhow, Pearl’s explanation is: “a flock of goats coming down the mountain spill forth as a long widening line, like a woman’s long hair spilling over her shoulders” (18). So, okay. That makes more sense and COULD be romantic…I guess. Or what about: “Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies”? The explanation? “Serene, noble, wholesome—pulsating with each breath” (18). So her breasts pulsate with each breath—okay, I can buy that.

And Pearl goes on to show what each loved about the other. Solomon (the “hero” of the book) loved how she adorned herself with jewelry and bathed in intoxicating fragrances (not perfume as we know it today but earthy aromas such as cinnamon, frankincense, spikenard, myrrh). He loved her long hair, white teeth, red lips, elegant neck, and well-formed hips. He loved her sweet voice and applauded even her speech, which he called “comely,” in other words “her words are profitable and wholesome” (18). And she loved his body, first and foremost. “It is his body that most captivates her, but she appreciates his countenance also.…Her answer reveals her preoccupation with his body. It is though she is worshiping him” (24). She loves his thick curly black hair, the strength and beauty of his legs, his lips, and his belly and even “admires the transparent blue stones that overlay it.…refer[ing] to a man’s testicles” (23).

There is nothing that Song of Songs leaves unsaid. This couple makes love indoors AND out under the trees. The hero describes himself in a state of high arousal, and she talks about how he came to her at night when she wasn’t in the mood but quickly grew aroused simply because he so desired her. They even describe their foreplay rituals and their preferred post-coital positions.

And all of this is in the Bible! Oh, and Pearl gives other verses throughout the Bible that prove God is not shy when it comes to sex. In a great many, He uses sex as analogies.

I could go on about this book, but let me sum up by saying, “Just read it.” If you’re not a Believer, this book might actually give you a different outlook on God’s thoughts about sex (especially if your opinion’s been formed by what you’ve heard (or haven’t heard) from the Church). If you ARE a Believer, well, the same holds true: Read this book and have your eyes opened about God’s thoughts on sex. You’ll be surprised (and probably shocked, too).

Grade: A+

[Corey · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is terrible.

The book starts with a weird page telling you not to read the book if you're not married. It then goes on to do a very weird interpretation of a very strange translation of Song of Solomon followed by fifty or so pages of the author going on a wildly misogynistic and homophobic tirade completely unrelated to Song of Solomon and entirely devoid of any kind of critical thought. The author also spends a large portion of that 50 pages advocating for marital rape which is a horrific thing to do.

[Freedom · Rating 5 out of 5]

HIGHLY RECOMMEND! Would be a great wedding shower gift or A GIFT FOR YOURSELF! :). ~Freedom

[Brandi Leblanc · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was short, simple and easy to read I enjoyed it and think other Married couples would enjoy it too.

[Helen · Rating 2 out of 5]

On the face of it, without knowing anything other than the book, it’s okay. The author paints a very sexually free portrait of the joys of married life. He highlights the Song of Songs/Solomon as a sexually explicit book of poetry not a theological treatise on how God loves His people/Israel/the Church (delete as appropriate) although says if God is okay with it then why are Christians so squeamish about bodies and sex??

He shows what SOS means, all the sexual euphemisms and the author seems okay with sex en oleum air and oral sex etc.

It’s not a sexually explicit book, I think the author wanted it to be more shocking g than it was, and wanted what he said to be news it’s not. It’s basic. It even came with a “warning” in the pre-buying blurb that you must not buy this book unless you are married or seriously intending to be married in the next few weeks!!!!

Please… it’s a book. Anyone can buy it. There’s nothing in it that’s so explicit or educational a person should not buy it.

HOWEVER, there ARE reasons not to buy this book. Pearl is a proponent of the school of thought that women are to sexually serve their husbands whenever they so desire. He cites verses in SOS where the woman is punished because she didn’t immediately open the door to the man when he wanted sex. This is not healthy. Women are allowed to say they are t interested or not feeling it. Just like men are.

The author brags that he and his wife have a very active happy sex life … good for him… and apparently she very much enjoys sex with him. He says that not her. And towards the end of the book he narrates that whilst writing, by the end of the evening @lightening would strike” his words for he’d get some. No “if she agrees” or “if she’d like to.”

So he loses some points on the skeevy consent/women’s choice issue that is rife in some Christian circles. He does seem to outline that he does please his wife and they enjoy sex, which I liked because many Christian women experience less enjoyment if they are “the Bible said I always have to be receptive no matter how bad he is at it” and AND the author and his wife laugh at couples who struggle with their sex life. In the portion about women, for example, who have had bad experiences or suffered abuse, they think it’s funny that these women don’t just have sex anyway and please their husbands and do what God has freed them to do. If they don’t agree (as I don’t) we are apparently carrying sin stopping from letting our husbands have sex whenever they want. They encourage women in abusive or unhappy relationships to have sex anyway because how can their relationship get better or they enjoy it if they’re not having sex.

This is highly irresponsible and harmful teaching. To belittle people who have suffered trauma or who are in less than ideal relationships and say that if you do t agree with their teaching that you’re clearly less than as a Christian and are sinful, is not correct or Godly teaching.

I have since learnt that the author and his wife believe in very strict punishment for children, and as a consequence of this teaching children have died. He probably punishes his wife too and their cultish marriage and teachings are highly dubious.

I do not recommend this book unless you read with skepticism, non-American evangelical cultish brain space and a low bar for throwing it away. It has some valid points, and good exegesis of the SOS and the main point, that Christian’s should t be pro dish about sex is bang on the money, but his theology around that point, his ideas about relationships, and his other writings, and those of his wife, bring this book into disrepute.


I’m only keeping it for research purposes, as an example of bad teaching. Not one I respect.

[Danny Trussell · Rating 5 out of 5]

What God Intends

Early in my life, I learned to separate sex from the spiritual. Sex was fleshly and not spiritual. But I’ve seen things differently as of late. Sexuality is spiritual. It can be just fleshly. But what makes for good sex is learning that it is spiritual, too. The author Michael Pearl shows how not only good sex but divine sex is wrapped up in the spiritual. It is a demonstration of Christ and the Church. Husband and wife coming together in the act of marriage in explosive orgasmic love is heavenly. Read the book to learn more.

[Scar · Rating 3 out of 5]

I agree with most everything. I have always thought that sex is a Yahweh created and given thing and not in and of itself ever a bad thing. Though I've had to and still do at times fight perspectives that sex or sexual related things are only dirty and wrong or even simply associated with guilt, judgement and negative overwhelming feelings. I don't like the churches I've grown up in and how they tend to treat sex like it's a dirty word. Leaving the topic taboo all too often unspoken even at times when it should have been discussed.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very informative

[Rachel Schultz · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best on the topic

[Daniel Willis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Its a relatively simple walk through of Song of Solomon for couples.

[Kaylee Robertson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Basically a commentary on Song of Solomon. Not bad but I think there are probably better resources out there.

[Mandi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book - highly recommended to my married friends!

[Kalyn Young · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book. It takes the scriptures from Song of Solomon and breaks down the meaning of them for you to understand. I highly recommend it to all married women.

[Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book for every married couple, to have opened eyes to the joys of intimacy!

[Laura The Book Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

Educational book that walks you through the Song of Solomon