The Way of Boys: Promoting the Social and Emotional Development of Young Boys

by Anthony Rao, Michelle D. Seaton

Boys will be boys . . . It's time we stopped trying to "fix" them.

Boys today are being bombarded with a slew of diagnoses—ADHD, Asperger's, bipolar disorder—at an alarming rate and at younger ages. The Way of Boys urges parents, educators, pediatricians, psychologists, and other developmental experts to reevaluate and significantly change how we deal with our youngest boys. When parents understand the wide spectrum for normal boy development, they can successfully communicate with their son—and everyone in their son's life—and help him grow into a healthy and smart young man.

Dr. Anthony Rao challenges some of the potentially harmful assumptions, attitudes, and behaviors we've developed toward young boyhood over the last few decades. The Way of Boys is a celebration of natural, constructive boyhood development and an expert, definitive handbook on what to look for and expect in normal growth.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Family, Childrens

304 pages, Paperback

First published August 25, 2009

Reviews

[Rochelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whew! This book took me 8-months to finish; even though I really liked it, I much prefer reading fiction!!! :)

I started out liking this book, and seeing exactly what he's describing while he describes "normal" boy behavior. But as he went on, I'm not agreeing with him as much.

However, I have tons of tags in this book, and it's a great reference. Perhaps he doesn't give many "solutions" to problems, but the author helps you realize that boys sometimes take a little more time to become socially acceptable than girls do. Sometimes I wish my friends with only girls would read this book to see that really, Toby's not such a bad kid!

p.110: "Three-and four-year-olds can play simple games, such as Candy Land, but parents need to understand that these boys are going to try to cheat. They will take extra turns, skip over the board pieces, and just work things out so that they win every time. That's not a terrible thing. Let them cheat. It's a good thing, in fact, for boys (and girls) this age to gain self-esteem from winning."
I don't agree with letting them cheat, because I feel if you let them do it once they're going to keep doing it. I do agree with letting them win more than they lose (his concept on p. 113), which, okay, means I'm going to cheat at times, but he won't know it and he will still get to gain the self-esteem from winning - some times.

Quotes I need to remember/reference:
p. 73: "Many parents expect their sons to learn faster than can be expected, given their developmental level. They are fooled by their sons' strength, physical confidence, size, or cleverness in other areas. They assume that their boy s can learn new self-control skills at the same fast clip as, say, their athletic or mathematical abilities. They use themselves as a comparison, or older children, or children who aren't struggling with these behaviors. That's a mistake. Never be fooled by bright kids. They still need time to decipher, decode, process, store, and rehearse in order to learn a new skill. With your guidance and patience, your boy can learn, too."

p.79: "Of of the first things I say to parents of boys who are having trouble paying attention and sitting still in at school, or who are tearing through the house at home, is that they've got to get more activity in their son's daily routine.....Think big, gross motor movements. A young boy needs ways to release energy and rehearse moving his legs and arms - walking, running, jumping, rolling, tumbling' and kicking for the large muscles of his lower body; twisting, throwing, tossing (catching comes later on), and other big arm movements for his upper body. Boys at this age should be encouraged to freely move in a fun and playful way..."

p. 264" "Three Basic tenets of parenting great boys:
Clear rules and boundaries
Consequences before lectures
Rewards for each milestone."

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was comforting and eye opening at the same time. I took a lot of notes! Its basic premise is, first, that raising boys really is different from raising girls and requires different approaches. Second, that our society needs to stop medicating boys and deeming them overactive and start understanding what the real range of normal behaviors are for boys. Third, that we need to restructure our teaching techniques to suit boys' learning styles and needs, instead of trying to constantly squeeze them into the predominantly female-based teaching approaches parents (moms) and schools typically employ. Some key points I learned:

- Boys often have regression periods just before major developmental leaps. When these happen, the best way to deal with them is to be patient and wait them out.
- "In most cases, it's not the boy who has the problem; it's the people in his life who have a problem dealing with him." Touche!
- Boys shut down and get aggressive when (1) things get crowded, (2) they feel competition, (3) they're anxious and overwhelmed. At preschool age, they'll do better with divided play areas where there are fewer kids, and where they can focus and feel safe.
- Adult interference and "help" for shy kids doesn't help and should be avoided. The adults are the ones bothered by the shy behavior, not the kids. The shy kids actually need less attention (in the moment) so that they have no incentive to stay by your side.
- Sometimes kids' behaviors are determined by parent behaviors, as in "she has allowed him to ignore her."
- The solution for boys who can't sit still, melt down frequently, and fidget a lot is more physical activity, preferably informally (just running around outside).
- The most popular organized sports for boys (baseball, soccer) aren't the best for them. The sports that make the biggest positive impact on boys are martial arts, swimming, gymnastics, and maybe dance. Think small groups (or individual) and low competition.

There's a great deal more I could share, including plenty of practical, in-the-moment techniques for discipline, interacting with teachers and school problems, and helping kids through behavior adjustments. For the purposes of this review, it's enough to say that this is a great book that taught me a lot, and I'd recommend it to any parents of boys. It's one I'd like to own so that I could refer to it easily later on.

[Lara · Rating 4 out of 5]

OMG I wish I had this book about five or six years ago. It might have saved me some heartache.

I need to own this book. I read "He's a Bully!" today and I want to make all kinds of notes all over the place. This author REALLY knows his stuff.

My only complaint - how to implement with not one but THREE boys. (in all fairness, most parenting books tend to dispense advice and tips that are easier to implement in a vacuum, or when there's only one child; it's the real-life implementation with which I'm struggling)

--------
I've finally finished. This book gives amazing insight to how boys think. My only complaint, which is the same for most books of this ilk, is that it lacks real tools to help me in my day-to-day struggles. That said, I do realize how difficult it is to provide that in any kind of book.

[Liz Busby · Rating 4 out of 5]

Update: I will buy and re-read this book as I go through the school years with my boys. Great thoughts of ADD, over-diagnosis of normal boy behavior, and how to discipline boys in a way that works.

Original: I haven't yet finished, but I have to share this book with you already because it is clarifying so many things about my son as I read it. Granted, my son is a bit different from most boys, and yet I see so much in this book that I recognize in him. It explains why some of the things that work for us discipline-wise actually work. LOVE LOVE LOVE. If you're parenting a toddler boy, you need to read this.

[Lil · Rating 5 out of 5]

I give this five stars as a must read for anyone who wants to get a little insight into those little boy minds. Great, great info on developmental expectations, dealing w/ tantrums and aggressive behavior, communicating, and working w/ our boy's teachers/educators when problems arise. As a Mom of 2 boys w/ 2 VERY different personalities, I feel I read this at the perfect time. Definitely geared toward caretakers of boys 6 and under.

[Ruth]

This is my "go to" book now for when I have questions about what my boys are doing developmentally (temper tantrums, being difficult, challenging me, etc). It's helped me keep their growing challenges in perspective and I'm able to provide guardrails without stifling their growth. Truly helpful.

[Hawley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is my favorite, most helpful parenting book I’ve ever read. I have 4 kids - two daughters who are notably older than my two sons. Having boys came as rather a shock to me, and their different needs and way of developing were harder for me to adjust to, especially not understanding what was “normal”.

I’ve read many parenting books over the course of more than a decade of raising children, and I think this is such a great book because it is ENCOURAGING, insightful, practical and offers easy to apply specifics that aren’t super involved. There were definite times when he referenced what a mother thought or said or struggled with in her child that I have struggled with myself, exactly!

I loved that he explained the history behind Time Outs and described the use of “Time Away” instead, and why it is beneficial. We have certainly found this to be true with our boys but I struggled with how to explain it and why it felt different than a time out (which is punishment and being left alone; time away is not that).

It is hard for me to summarize the book entirely but I will say that as a Christian homeschooling mom, this is not in any way coming from a religious perspective and it actually is probably even more effective if you have boys attending traditional schools. (I rather skimmed the portion about relating with teachers and the school because I am both!)

I think this book is probably most helpful for anyone raising boys ages 0-14 but could be a wonderfully insightful book for grandparents, extended family, definitely teachers, and more...

Here is an excerpt from the beginning of the end of the book, in the chapter titled “What Will He Be Like as a Grown Man?” which I feel summarizes the book best:

“...the vast majority of parenting books view developmental challenges as abnormal and not as opportunities for growth. Most of these books encourage parents to view most troublesome behavior as pathological. Worried parents who look for an explanation of their sons’ behavior will find these books filled with lists of behaviors, called symptoms, along with a ready-made diagnosis. These books encourage parents to be vigilant, to look for trouble in their sons’ behaviors. They offer up scary stories about kids who have failed in life or suffered terribly because they didn’t get help early enough.
I take the opposite approach. As a child psychologist who has worked with kids for more than 20 years, I can happily say that most boys, even those with early struggles, will grow up healthy and well. I want parents to relax. They are surprised when I tell them that they should imagine their sons all grown up and happy and thanking them for all their hard work as a parent. I can tell them this because I have seen the contrasts between the boys that came into my office years ago, some with problems that seemed serious at the time, and the capable young men they have become.” (p.243-244)

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I'm sorry to say this, but boys generally don't take turns or share because they want to be nice. For many young boys, it's about keeping a playmate in the gameso they can try and beat him." Pg. 60, Empathy, Chapter 4, He's A Bully

OK. So - as a woman I found this perspective entertaining. As a holder of an elementary education college degree I found this perspective fascinating. And as a mother of a nearly 4 year old boy I found this perspective empowering.

Dr. Rao has a practice a few towns away from where I live and if I can't get his book's insight to work I may just pick up the phone and bring him directly into my son's world. But the way that he illustrates his solutions is so clear and logical, I am not finding it challenging to grasp and put into action.

My great takeaway is that today's society puts pressure on parents, educators and medical providers to plop our kids into categories and compare them - often unfairly - leading to inaccurate or unnecessary diagnoses that can be harmful to the kids and people who care for them now and down the road. And Dr. Rao's opinion is that boys are more frequently found in these predicaments because their development track and learning style is generally different than what is expected or necessary in the learning environments they find themselves in.

Dr. Rao wants the world to learn about the way of boys and be patient with them. Even children who are legitimately medicated for a condition such as ADHD will still benefit more from behavioral skills and solutions in concert with the pills they take versus just pills alone. I highly value this more patient approach, and was willing to listen to his suggestions.

The solutions are actually your basic, old-school common sense. When your kid acts out, he has time away. Not a time out. Time away is being sent to your room. Away from the action that he really wants to be a part of. In a place where he is safe, and free to let the anger/frustration/sadness out. To self-calm at his own pace. Not for a set period of minutes that may be too short or too long for this particular instance, as you find in the typical time out. That when your kid acts out, they are given a consequence first, and then an explanation. You throw something, it gets taken away and then you state "toys aren't for throwing, this is mine now." Hmmm. Go to your room. Shoot first, ask questions later. Sounds a lot like how I was raised. The only advice different from what I experienced was NO LECTURES!

Kids don't listen when they're in the throes of anger. They don't grasp complex concepts. Hell, they don't grasp simple concepts - they're still learning, growing. Lay out boundaries and guidelines. Enforce them. And reinforce them. Be consistent. Stay calm. And find a never-ending reservoir of patience.

I am overly simplifying Dr. Rao's message here. But it is really really hard to do these things. So many parents take what appears to be the easy way out and end up creating long-term issues unintentionally. We do this without even realizing it. We offer to help instead of letting them struggle to learn for themselves. We play referee over every dispute instead of letting them duke it out and learn how to negotiate their needs and desires. We hold them too close when they need to be shown they can survive without us.

It was most interesting to hear HOW boys grow and develop - the way they approach the world and how they absorb its lessons. Boys and girls ARE different. I always thought that was just a stereotype - girls like dolls and boys like trucks. Girls want to play house while boys want to play sports. And that is oversimplifying it again. But in general, girls are just built to play together instead of competing against. They have empathy much earlier. They want to look at you and can stay still longer at a younger age. Boys are not interested in face time and need to move more often. They are wired differently. They just are. Within boys, there are wide ranges of behavior, just as there are with girls. There are shy boys and gregarious boys. Neither are good or bad. They are what they are. And we just need a guide to help us (moms especially) navigate their path.

[Liza · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Anthony Rao recently spoke at our local high school (cheers to our district!) about the developmental challenges and unrealistic cultural expectations boys face. His book "The Way of Boys: Promoting the Social and Emotional Development of Young Boys" was published in 2009, however I was unfamiliar with Rao and his work until I attended his lecture last month. I enjoyed his presentation and was highly motivated to read his book.

As the parent of a middle schooler, I wish this book was on my radar sooner. Dr. Rao assures parents that most developmental challenges are normal and frames them as opportunities for growth, in opposition to the common view that such challenges are pathological and in need of an immediate fix.

Most educational settings require boys to behave in ways that are not developmentally appropriate. Pre-school age boys are generally not designed to share, sit still, and keep their hands to themselves. This does not indicate pathology, or an inability to eventually learn those skills at an appropriate age. Teachers are more likely to encourage early testing and diagnosis for young boys than girls. Rao suggests that this is due to a lack of understanding of the range of normal boy behavior, particularly by teachers who are primarily female. This is not to say that women are not capable of understanding boys, but that it may not come naturally. Reading The Way of Boys has helped me to understand boys, and dare I say it- men, much more than I had just 2 months ago.

Fathers and male teachers often take a different view of boy behavior and are more inclined to understand why boys act as they do. Rao gives many reassuring and illuminating examples from his work with parents and their boys. He describes working with families where the mother is totally perplexed by her son's behavior while the father totally gets it. One example that made an impression on me was Rao commenting that mothers often think that very little talking is going on his sessions with their son, yet the father's perception is that a lot of talking is going on. Mothers have unrealistic expectations if they expect boys (and men) to communicate, respond, and behave as girls might. Rao does not blame mothers, but rather works with them to view their sons and boy's behavior in a new light.

While Rao asserts that ADHD, Aspergers, and other conditions are often over- or mis- diagnosed, he is not saying that these disorders do not exist at all or cannot benefit from treatment. He challenges parents and teachers to look beyond the label, offers behavioral approaches to help manage behavior, and believes that pharmaceuticals are only necessary in rare cases. He encourages a "wait and see" approach (with the exception of indicators of autism) viewing developmental challenges as opportunities for growth rather than as troubling behavior that must be squashed.

Rao's book gives parents confidence that most boy behavior is normal and offers positive strategies to guide behavior, when appropriate, and give ourselves and children the confidence that everything is going to be OK. He wants us to "remember that your own boy's struggle is really his greatest source of strength... A bossy boy is learning to lead. A shy boy is learning to observe the world closely. A tinkerer is learning to fix. A daydreamer is learning to create. All boys have special skills and special struggles, and often the two are linked." Rao explains how boys are wired so that parents and teachers can support and coach them. His book also offers practical advice on how to manage bullying behaviors, alternatives to time-outs, and working cooperatively with teachers and school administrators.

I would encourage parents of young boys to read this book before their son starts school or at anytime there are developmental concerns. I also think this book should be required reading for every teacher and anyone who works with boys. Highly recommended.

[Joe · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rao has some good things to say about time outs and boys’ socializing in different ways as they develop, and I certainly track a lot to my own son, so it’s helpful there. And some of the broader points are well made about embracing the positive sides of challenging personalities, rather than focusing on the negative manifestations.

There’s clearly an axe to grind here with people who over-diagnose learning disabilities or ADHD, to the point that a huge portion of the book is coaching parents on how to resist schools’ jumps to diagnosis. Probably a fair point, and undoubtedly something I’d appreciate if I were in that situation, but a point made far too many times here.

And at the risk of exposing my own prejudices: I realize some things are biological, and I don’t have any science necessarily to dispute the idea that boys have a harder time with empathy. But I feel like it’s problematic to go in assuming they’re less capable of empathy, talk about feelings, etc. - like we’re making them into conditioned male stereotypes before even getting a chance to see who they are.

I also felt like this was pitched squarely and explicitly at moms as primary caregivers, and it seems like a big lack to not address parenting by dads - both because it assumes no fatherly parenting duties and because of the gendered nature of the book in general.

[Appel Aja · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was very interesting and I thought that the author had lots of great points. I completely agree with his descriptions of how boys learn and process the world. This is very different than the way most girls develop and learn. The way that most schools are structured seem to favor the ways that girls learn best (seat work, heavy reliance on language and reading social cues, etc.). This is often to the detriment of young boys. It's important to remember that there is such a wide range of "typical" development for young boys and it's unfortunate that we currently live in a culture of quick diagnoses and overmedicating young children. I don't necessarily agree with the author's frequent use of rewards and sticker charts for young children. This was an interesting read.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best parenting books I've read, by far the best one about boys. Presents a great overview of boys development, common behavioral issues and some possible approaches to helping them.

A great counter to the many alarmist parenting books that look at any developmental challenge as something to worry about and potentially diagnose. The author, a Boston Childrens Hospital psychologist, successfully presents the case that the range of normal boy behavior is far greater than we are often led to believe.

[Sandy]

I started reading this book after receiving my son's kindergarten progress report.....which I think is not accurate. Thomas is a fidgeter and doesn't sit still longer than a minute, constantly moving, doesn't pay attention and gets distracted easily. This book is teaching me that Thomas is a "boy" and boys learn differently, they develop slower than girls and they explore their surroundings in many different ways....

[Tracey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was the best parenting book I've ever read. Not so much because it tells you how to fix everything (though there is some of that), but more because it is a huge relief to read that all the craziness going on in your house is totally normal, a lot of it is healthy and desirable, it will pass, and all will be well. Loved this book.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most important books I've ever read. As the mother of a 6-year-old boy who sometimes tries my patience -- and the limits of my knowledge --- this peek inside how young boys develop, and how to deal with the highs and lows, against the backdrop of Dr. Rao's 20-plus years of experience, was invaluable. A must read if you are the parent of a boy.

[Alisa Kester · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful, intelligent book. We have to stop medicating our boys for behaving like boys!

[Nicole Vecchiotti]

So insightful! Great parenting strategies for boys and girls...

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Our youngest is about to start first grade and is struggling with outbursts at school and home. I was given this book as part of a "Wellness week" event at work and was initially skeptical (as I am with most parenting books). With my liberal background I'm generally skeptical of anything proclaiming how different the sexes are. But once I got over that (I just substituted "some kids" for "boys" and "some parents" for "moms" in my head) I was actually pleasantly surprised by what Dr. Rao had to say.

Most of his message is simple: kids struggle, especially ones whose brains aren't developing the social, emotional, and impulse control realms as quickly as we expect in our fast-paced world. Our expectations are getting higher but our little humans aren't evolving as fast as we expect. The good news is that they can, do, and will catch up, and that we can help them through behavioral changes - ie: parenting changes. He offers some concrete suggestions, though if you're looking for a "how to" manual you're going to be disappointed.

One of the critiques I had was that he assumes a fair amount of privilege, which is what I'm guessing he sees in his practice. He's not addressing kids or parents whose realities are living out of a car or couch surfing at a friend's, or have language barriers preventing them from navigating systems, or experiencing trauma. Theoretically the interventions would work, but how do you "tell your kid to go to their room" when they haven't got one? I don't expect Dr. Rao to offer solutions in his book, but a mention of these would have raised my esteem of the author.

You don't have to read the chapters in order, and some won't apply (though I did find valuable nuggets in each one). The downside of this is that some chapters seem repetitive, since he has to re-hash the info instead of building on previous chapters. The best time to read this book would be when your kiddo is about 3-5 yrs. I found useful stuff for our 6 yr old, but wish I'd had it a year or two ago.

[A. Gazes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, The Way of Boys, is incredibly close to my heart. As a parent, I thought I was doing fine, but Drs. Rao and Seaton gently revealed the unseen complexity of a boy's social and emotional world. Reading this wasn't just helpful; it felt like receiving a translation key to my son’s unique language.

It fundamentally shifted how I communicate and connect with him, leading to a much happier, more understanding, and truly lifelong parent-son relationship. The most profound realization, however, was the one that hit me personally: the truth that we are all, essentially, grown-ups without supervision, still navigating our own emotional deficits as we try to guide the next generation. It was a shocking but necessary lesson in empathy for both my son and myself.

This is a MUST READ if you have a sweet boy in your life. It’s not just about managing behavior; it’s about nurturing a healthy, resilient human being.

[Stephanie Perez · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book did a great job taking a deeper look at understanding behavioral challenges presented in boys. It outlined the different developmental process different boys take. Before assigning a diagnosis for these symptoms, the author offered a wait and see approach. Dr. Rao explained that someone of these behaviors were due to developmental delays and that children could catch up with proper boundaries, reinforcement, and reward system. I enjoyed reading the success of the boys he worked with and the parents that supported along the journey!

[Kasey Dietrich · Rating 1 out of 5]

When I see a chapter header that's just below the belt, juvenile, etc. and sexist just for the sake of tugging my heartstrings, I'll put that book down fast enough to break the sound barrier. The title was something like "The problem is spelled B-O-Y". For the record, I understand this book is supposed to help ward off the anti-boy mentality, but I don't really like when authors try to treat me like an infant and shock me with a sexist Inception "BWAH" to keep me reading.

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

A comfort of a book for me in this era of parenthood/homeschooling. Finally, a medical professional that recognizes not only are boys truly different BUT a house of ONLY boys is vastly different. Eye opening on how their brains work and develop. Word for word what he speaks of with behavioral testing and boys in schools has been our experience.

"If you or I took these medications, they would do the same and improve our concentration and performance. That's not evidence of having a disorder"

[Joanna Perry · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been slowly reading through this book over the span of two years. Each chapter has been an encouragement and a resource for me as a parent of young boys who can be especially challenging in different ways than I observe in most of their peers. I highly recommend. This book teaches through testimonial recounting rather than psychobabble.

[Peter Stuart · Rating 3 out of 5]

Written with the subject matter being boys aged 3- ~7 growing up in the United States of America.

Some gems amongst the pages that likely apply to boys anywhere.

Would have valued knowing up front that it was for younger boys than circa 7 years old, as with a 9 and 11 yr old myself the gems did need to be sifted out.

[Carly Hales · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first half was really enlightening, and then I felt like the second half dragged on and on. Maybe some of that subject matter just didn't really apply to my boys. I really appreciated the insight though! I honestly have been more patient with my boys because I understand a little more how their brains work and what they honestly can and cannot do.

[Kat · Rating 4 out of 5]

At first I was a little dubious about The Way of Boys, Raising Healthy Boys in a Challenging and Complex World. Dr. Anthony Rao instantly hit my hot buttons coming right out of the gate with the title for the first chapter, "Your Problem Is Spelled B-O-Y." Where could he go from here? The chapter in question, seems to be largely addressed to mothers and this trend in parenting books is fairly off-putting for me on a personal level. Since I raise a household of boys, I have been reading parenting books since I first discovered I was invaded by a mancub (in pregnancy). There are literally hundreds of books written for mothers about how to raise boys. I have read a lot of them and own several that I think are worth keeping or sharing with friends. While I will acknowledge that my first thoughts about parenting boys were fraught with fear, after 16 years I have become accustomed to some of "the way of boys." [return][return]And it is true that raising boys is different than raising girls. As frustrating as it is to say that, from my women's studies background, the damn truth of the matter is that our children are not raised in a vacuum. Much as I would like to raise feminist sons, the hard reality is that I am privileged in being able to guide my children toward a feminist-sensitivity, but how they are impacted by the village we live in also will play into their philosophies about equality. This is not a new argument or even an original idea, but it is one that I kept coming back to thinking about while reading this book. Dr. Rao amply recognizes the 'it takes a village' factor of raising children. In fact Rao relies heavily on the village construct to parlay his ideology of parenting boys. First and foremost his anecdotes of clients and their families largely involve sons being brought to his office by their worried mothers. Very little mention is made of the fathers (or lacking patriarchal role model) in the lives of the boys in Dr. Rao's care. In fact Rao spends much of the first half of the book outlining the differences between boys and girls on a biological level and then moves towards the social level in school environs that are also mostly managed by women as early care providers and elementary school teachers.[return][return]In lieu of missing fathers, Dr. Rao focuses on the home-school connection. I can totally appreciate that Rao draws a close relationship between how children fair in school and how children's behaviors are managed in the home. There is a lot of useful information about consistency in routines and expectations for both home and school life to help a boy manage. In fact the book seems to be written largely as an argument against the overdiagnosing of children with ailments such as ADHD/ADD or other serious psychological or behavior disorders. As a former teacher and a parent to a special needs child, I appreciate the warnings against treatments for children who may not need them. And what Dr. Rao does really well towards the end of the book is to provide good information on what kind of testing is appropriate for boys who are struggling in school or at home, when medicine might be helpful and under what circumstances boys might not need pharmaceutical aids to help them. Dr. Rao seems largely to be a proponent of behavioral strategies for helping boys assimilate into an academic environment that requires them to sit still for several hours of the day, focusing on a lot of cerebral material when their littles bodies want nothing more than to be on the move. I am in full agreement with him about avoiding medication when a behavior strategy will do.[return][return]Yet in it's essence, this becomes a book written by a benevolent male doctor for all of us moms who need help mothering. Dr. Rao doesn't explicitly state that women do not know how to raise boys, but through the characterization of the women in his anecdotes, it sure did end up feeling like women are to blame for boys' struggles in school and socialization. The hard part is, I don't know if I can make such a strong argument against his position. Does that make his suppositions correct? I hope not. But I do know the feeling of watching my boys engaged with each other or their friends and wondering what on earth they are doing?! I have learned the hard way that my boys will not play with dolls the way that I see my friends' daughters do so. I know several parents who let their boys become largely independent at middle school when they began to look and act more man-like despite lacking maturity to engage like responsible men. I have endured the struggles of trying to figure out the difference between "normal" boy experiences and the Austism-Spectrum Disorder that my older son struggles with both at school and at home. Does that mean that I am not a good mom?[return][return]I guess what I find most disconcerting about this book is that I wanted to read it and my girlfriends who raise boys want to learn the material, but not one of our husbands seem all that interested. So in the end I will likely keep and share this book, but I will remember to forewarn my loveys of the bias. Take the good from it and don't take to heart the message that women don't understand.

[Ling · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a great book for parents to understand their boys, especially when compared with girls. The book is written well, and very easy to read.

[Brianna Geeslin-Naylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were some good aspects to this book, but I didn’t think there was anything super groundbreaking or insightful overall.

[Ben Berkman]

Joe

[Brooke Nelson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderful read to put things in perspective and gain some new parenting skills.