The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child: Helping Your Child Thrive in an Extroverted World

by Marti Olsen Laney

Introverted children are often misunderstood, even by their parents, who worry about them. Engaged by their interior world, they’re often regarded as aloof. Easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation, they can be seen as unmotivated. Content with just one or two close friends, they may be perceived as unpopular. Parents fret that they are unhappy and maladjusted. But the truth is quite Introverted children are creative problem solvers. Introverted children love to learn. Introverted children have a high EQ (emotional IQ) and are in touch with their feelings. They take time to stop and smell the roses, and they enjoy their own company. They are dependable, persistent, flexible, and lack vanity.

How can parents help their introverted children discover and cultivate these wonderful gifts? Help is here. Written by Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, author of The Introvert Advantage with 74,000 copies in print, The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child fully explains introversion as a hardwired temperament, not a disability, and tells just what parents need to do to help their child become the person he or she is meant to be—and succeed in an extroverted world. Beginning with a 30-question quiz that places a child on the introvert/extrovert continuum, The Hidden Gifts shows parents how to foster a climate that allows introverted kids to discover their inner strengths; schedule ways for a very young innie to recharge those batteries and teach an older child to do it for him- or herself; create a harmonious household with siblings, and parents, of different temperaments; help innies find success at school, sports, parties, and other group activities.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Education, Health, Science

256 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D., is a researcher, educator, author, and psychotherapist. One of America’s foremost authorities on introversion, she speaks and leads workshops on the topic in the United States and Canada.

Reviews

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gave me lots of insights into the two main introverts in my life, my husband and my oldest child. Most notably that introversion absolutely has a physiological basis--"innies" brains are physically different from extrovert brains, and that's just fine. Laney uses these physical differences to explain behavior that can otherwise seem off-putting. She emphasizes appreciating introverts' strengths and fostering their potential, giving advice about what won't work and what will. Having read this book, I feel empowered to better parent my introverted child.

[Rory Lynch · Rating 4 out of 5]

Obviously I'm not the intended audience for this book, but I found it interesting none-the-less. I learned some interesting things about introversion that I didn't know previously, and linked a few habits I have to introversion that I didn't realise were linked.

One notable oversight is the book never talks about how _chronic_ overloading an introvert is. It notes several times how to spot it, what it is, and what to do if it happens, but never mentions that actually that's a thing that can happen over days or weeks, not just hours.

It could also be better references. Plenty of "Studies show..." without any/many actual references.

[Joseph · Rating 4 out of 5]

The psychology of introversion is something of an interest of mine, so when I saw this book at my library's book fair, picking it up was a no-brainer. I was quite impressed. Books on introversion tend to be rather well-written (the authors generally being introverts themselves) and this is no exception, being quite thorough and accessible without sacrificing accuracy. It includes a great many tips on dealing with introverts throughout their childhood, but the true beauty of this book is that many of these pointers apply well after your introvert has reached adulthood. In fact, I'm tempted to give it to some of my extroverted friends to smooth out interaction between us. My only complaint is that there are very few specific citations, a complaint which is mitigated by the extensive list of suggested reading material at the end of the book. All-in-all, a fantastic resource for the parent, sibling, or friend of an introvert.

[Sheridan · Rating 5 out of 5]

My oldest son is an introvert. I am too, so you think I would be a good match with him. But I think I carried my issues from being an introvert as a child and caused more problems for him. I wish I had read this when he was younger, but it was still very helpful for me to read now and he is 10 years old.

There was a lot of good ideas of how to respect an innies strengths and help them with their weaknesses. I read certain parts aloud to him and he better understands himself now too!

If your child is an introvert it is a must read!

[Eliza · Rating 4 out of 5]

An introvert myself, I was drawn to this book at Kacy F's recommendation (a common reason for me to pick up a book). I haven't gotten too far into it but I like it so far and I do recognize my child in much of it too. I love the notion that he (or anyone) can be successful, happy, and connected "in an extroverted world" without having to conform in as many ways as some might think.

[Tistou · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helped me to learn more about myself and my little son. Now i am more understanding towards his feelings and i can help him in a better way which i was not !

[Janene · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a useful book! I do recommend this for anyone interested in learning about the differing temperaments of children, specifically how anyone sits on the introvert/extrovert continuum.

First you are introduced to the topic with a pretty in-depth explanation of how both tendencies can be traced back to brain activity. In other words, trying to make an introvert into an extrovert is like trying to make a right-handed person write with the left. We are who we are, and trying to wring something different out of an introverted child, especially as they are sensitive by nature anyways, is only going to frustrate you both. There is a little quiz to gauge where your child is on the continuum.

I loved the section on the twelve (maybe fifteen?) gifts of introverted children. And I'm mad that I forgot to write them down. I had to inter-library loan this one and don't want to pay another dollar. Not finding the list of gifts online, so if any friend of mine checks this one out, do give me a call!

It is a wonder to me why 'introverted' brings with it a negative connotation. This book dispels all myths that innies are somehow born with a disadvantaged cloud over their head. They get energy from their focused alone time, where that kind of thing is exhausting for an extrovert. Introverts are worn down by excessive new activities and busyness, extroverts are re-charged by this. It is fascinating to me, especially as I see two ends of the spectrum in my own children. They are good at different things, and this book gave me ideas to help each of them thrive in their own skin.

The book is full of information for working with your introvert on social skills, education, emotional needs, family relationships, even up until the dating years and such. I may visit this again, some of the information is irrelevant to me at this time, but an excellent and informative read overall.

In a way, this helped me see why it has been quite easy for me with my oldest child. Anyone going to write one that will help me better understand an extrovert? :o)

[Valerie · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have or suspect you have a child or spouse or really know anyone who is an introvert, then you should read this book. It really shed some light on what life is like for Lara, who is a definite introvert. There was a nice little questionnaire in the beginning of the book which Lara scored 24 out of 27. Introvert. Contrast that with Vivi who scored 8 out of 27. Extrovert.

I found that the best way to read this book was little by little. I would read a few pages and then ponder and try to put them into action before reading on. Hence the 5 dollars I had to pay in library fines. Warning- after reading this you will start to see introverts all around you and then want to tell everyone how to great they are.

This book definitely goes on my list of ones to read, re-read, buy, and re-read.

[Penelope · Rating 3 out of 5]

I must start with the disclaimer that I do not have an introverted child. Both of my children are extroverts, but I am an introvert which is why I picked up this book while studying different personality types. Much of the information contained in the book about how to best help an introverted child I am already aware, but what struck me most and what I have not heard elsewhere is the fundamental biological difference between introverts and extroverts that can actually be tested. I found all the information fascinating and made easily accessible by Laney.

I would definitely recommend this book to any parent of an introverted child. Laney gives excellent practical ways that a parent can help her child cope with new situations and to feel a strong sense of self-worth too.

[Marcia]

Laney has put together a good book for people interested in helping their introverted kids in a fast paced, social world. I was interested in finding ways to support my daughter as she embarked on a summer of campus and fun classes that she might find anxiety provoking. I found "The Hidden Gifts" helpful in understanding that it is important to support who your child is and foster their strenghts rather than trying to make them someone that society desires. There was a little bit too much information on intovert brain chemistry for me but it was presented in a very understandable fashion.

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have a child who is normal at home but gets terrified, clams up, or acts really shy and weird in social situations, then you have to read this book! I have an introvert myself and this book really helped me to understand her. Since then I've been a walking commercial for this book and its companion The Introvert Advantage (which is by the same author, same idea but written for the introvert him/herself rather than for the introvert's parents.) Great book, no matter what age your introvert is!

[Alistair Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book which clearly describes the traits of introverted children and provides strategies for helping them to navigate an extrovert dominated world. Being an introvert myself, I could relate to the issues raised in this book. The author provides enough research evidence to explain the causes of introversion. Anyone who is a parent of an introvert child or who deals with introverted children would find this book very useful in helping their interactions with that child and their understanding of them.

[Michelle Butlig · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. As an introvert myself with 2 introverted children and an extroverted husband and third child - it was great to understand the different worlds better. I resonated with a lot of what she shared, and also found many of the explanations and helpful ways to interact with one another helpful. A lot of information within the book and one of those books I need to own and refer back to throughout the years.

[Jessica Woodruff · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of interesting information about the fundamental differences between introverted and extroverted children, however, my own opinion is that it fell into the self fulfilling prophecy realm a little. I felt that the book really believed that labeling your child and telling them about how they are different and why they are different all the time is a good thing...where I thought it was a bit much. But definitely some good tips.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

This wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. It didn't teach me much I hadn't already figured out, through 6 years of experience with my own introvert. It reinforced that I was doing a lot right, and made me feel fortunate that our family members all fit so well together in terms of temperament, but too much felt like overgeneralization, and I didn't really get what I was looking for, which was a better understanding of how to help my child navigate school as an introvert.

[Judy · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Introvert" is one of the most misunderstood words in the English language. Laney does a great job of setting the record straight. Maybe the quiet kid is not shy or weird. S/he may just be an introvert. Might provide insight for introverts raising extroverts and vice versa. A breath of fresh air!

[Kiersten · Rating 5 out of 5]

I might rename this book "The Manual for Mitchell Dart" because it describes him to a T. This book is a must-read for parents with introverted children. I wish I had read it years ago. Everything makes so much more sense to me now. Being an extroverted parent, I've always had a hard time understanding where Mitchell is coming from, but now, I get it.

[Amy Wilks · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I never thought of myself as an introvert but when I read the first chapter, I got very emotional because I recognized myself right away. Tarin is an introvert, so I began to read the book to learn more about her. In the process, I learned a lot about myself, too, and also found ways to deal with my little extrovert, Julian.

[MaryBeth Hatch · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just started this book the other day. It's excellent so far and hard to put down. It is very interesting, informative, and helpful. I recommend it for anyone who wants to learn to understand themselves or someone they know.

[Soon-gill · Rating 4 out of 5]

It clarified for me how to be attuned to my sons needs. He is very much an introverted child. It also explained some of the discomfort he has in bigger group situations, and when other adults talk to him

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book has affected my life. i've learned things about myself as an introvert, my friends as introverts, and most importantly, how to parent an introverted child. i'll forever look at caleb's discipline, obedience, sports, schooling, etc. differently because of this book. so glad i read it!

[Kathee]

Just 1/4 of the way into it, and I've already identified one of my kids as an introvert that I didn't know was. This helps me understand him so much more now. The child I already knew was an introvert I'm learning how to communicate with. This is a great book.

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

I learned so much about introverts and extroverts from this book. Really an interesting way to understand the brain differences and reasons behind behavioral differences. Has certainly opened my eyes to much in parenting.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

reading yet again...since no one has wanted to leave the house these past couple weeks...

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very helpful if you have an introverted kid. I should re-read it once a year!

[Srinidhi.R Srinidhi.R · Rating 5 out of 5]

loved the tips..helps me a lot..

[Ellie]

Recommended by a regular patron

[Jamie · Rating 3 out of 5]

definitely learned some things from this one.

[Tami · Rating 3 out of 5]

I should have read this book fifteen years ago, while I was raising kids. After reading this book I realized I figured it out anyway......... well sort of. I tried to give my kids the tools they needed to survive in this world. Stable, safe predictable home, options for learning and of course food, lots of food.
I did realize that I'm more of an introvert than I thought. My friends might disagree cuz I can talk and talk but what they don't see is I'm perfectly happy and content being home alone. I like home.

I would recommend this book to anyone raising or teaching kids, just some good solid advice that applies to all of us

[Ihor Khomiak · Rating 4 out of 5]

Розібрали до костей інтровертів. Було цікаво, дещо дізнався нове. Якшо не бути надто вмотивованим, то в певній мірі може наскучити читання і захочеться цю книжку розбавити чимось більш різноматнітним. Проте це не означає, що її не слід читати чи дочитувати до кінця. Вона однозначно варта і того і іншого. Ті кого цікавить ця тема, будуть задоволені.
В основному з усім прочитаним згідний, проте маленька частинка думок автора все ж мене зачепила «не по хорошому». Але це дуже маленька частинка.
Лайк!