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Intrigue At The Crowned Jewel
Here at the Jewel, we offer you beautiful men with split personalities, mind-reading courtesans, betrayal of the highest order, dragons, unicorns, ill-fated romance, and more magic than you can shake a stick at. What more could you want? Slash.
Words: 288,329 complete
Words: 288,329 complete
866 pages, online fiction
First published November 17, 2010
3 people are currently reading
119 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
August 25, 2013
Messy as fuck-- plot and writing.
This story definitely needed a strong editor. I'm no grammar guru (the opposite in fact, and I'm sure many of GR friends have noticed) but at times even I knew there was something distinctly funky going on. And there were also some words that weren't meant to be there/didn't sound quite right, and a novel-long confusion where 'latter' should have been used instead of 'later' (I'm not entirely sure I'm right though). And the quality of the writing wasn't the of the highest standards I've seen, but it was still adequate.
As for the plot-- geez Louise were there so many twists. I felt almost as if they were meant to trap me in my confusion, rather than entertain me. It was still rather enjoyable, especially when events and characters from earlier on in the novel ended up being yet another twist. Despite how fun it was having my mind turned inside out, it was, yet again, quite messy. I feel that the story would have benefitted from a more clean and neat execution.
Likewise with the and memory flashes (not exactly flashbacks); intriguing and unique, however could do with some editing and reworking.
However, in between all of this chaos and befuddlement was a surprisingly addictive and engrossing story that I was extremely emotionally invested in. A distinctive and rather unique world was weaved and some very decent characters and ideas were created (though the it wouldn't have hurt to have the ideas more fleshed out).
Do not be fooled by the Brothel setting-- the sex, though it is present, is not the main purpose of this story nor was it mind blowing. And apart from that, the character development was done quite nicely and I did enjoy watching the characters, especially Sebastian, grow.
Oh, and a quick mention to the length: It was long and somewhat tiresome, but I never felt the need to put it down (which makes for a very very tired Vivian).
All in all, this was a good story with a solid premise and potential, only it lacked sophistication and polish that would've made it much more superior. I will definitely go on to read Jade's spin-off-- god knows this was entertaining enough to want more, and I want to finally see Jade's Happily Ever After.
This story definitely needed a strong editor. I'm no grammar guru (the opposite in fact, and I'm sure many of GR friends have noticed) but at times even I knew there was something distinctly funky going on. And there were also some words that weren't meant to be there/didn't sound quite right, and a novel-long confusion where 'latter' should have been used instead of 'later' (I'm not entirely sure I'm right though). And the quality of the writing wasn't the of the highest standards I've seen, but it was still adequate.
As for the plot-- geez Louise were there so many twists. I felt almost as if they were meant to trap me in my confusion, rather than entertain me. It was still rather enjoyable, especially when events and characters from earlier on in the novel ended up being yet another twist. Despite how fun it was having my mind turned inside out, it was, yet again, quite messy. I feel that the story would have benefitted from a more clean and neat execution.
Likewise with the and memory flashes (not exactly flashbacks); intriguing and unique, however could do with some editing and reworking.
However, in between all of this chaos and befuddlement was a surprisingly addictive and engrossing story that I was extremely emotionally invested in. A distinctive and rather unique world was weaved and some very decent characters and ideas were created (though the it wouldn't have hurt to have the ideas more fleshed out).
Do not be fooled by the Brothel setting-- the sex, though it is present, is not the main purpose of this story nor was it mind blowing. And apart from that, the character development was done quite nicely and I did enjoy watching the characters, especially Sebastian, grow.
Oh, and a quick mention to the length: It was long and somewhat tiresome, but I never felt the need to put it down (which makes for a very very tired Vivian).
All in all, this was a good story with a solid premise and potential, only it lacked sophistication and polish that would've made it much more superior. I will definitely go on to read Jade's spin-off-- god knows this was entertaining enough to want more, and I want to finally see Jade's Happily Ever After.
dnf
August 22, 2013DNF at 60%. This could be a fabulous story, but needs a TON of editing. I got tired of wading around in the murky waters trying to find it.
Want to read
September 9, 2013This thing is so huge it took FLAG nearly two minutes to convert it into an ePub for me—and crashed the site widget the first time it tried.
BOOK I COMMAND YOU TO BE EXCELLENT
BOOK I COMMAND YOU TO BE EXCELLENT
September 26, 2012
To be honest, as others have noted, this was a confusing novel at times, yet I found if I simply accepted the confusing sections as is, it eventually made sense, and it ended up being worth the effort.
July 30, 2014
7/30/14
The ending section/resolution still bothers me. I'm hard-pressed at the moment to pinpoint what exactly it was that disquieted me so beyond just the blatant misuse of power on the Jewel's side and the whole Cinder-esque resolution. I mean, I did like the rest of it, up until the point where all of it just made me so uncomfortable. I dunno. Maybe the ending section was enough to color my entire perception of this story, since I don't look back on it with enjoyment, kind of at all.
Eh. I mean, I guess I maybe get the author's attempt to create a MC with character flaws that are generally MCs, but idk. I feel like the Sebastian thing got a bit gimmicky towards the end, like forced allegory. Or idk, maybe my impression is colored by the fact that the plot resolution device just flat-out squicked me out.
7/25/14
Interesting concept; plot floundered.
More to distill from the badly phone-typed doc and audio rant file, but basically, this fic resolves with a huge no-no: man turning into a woman temporarily for a marriage, to a prince, no less. Like wow, what the hell are they going to do for an heir? And neither the queen nor king seemed unreasonable in their opposition to the situation as they understood it, given the mass amounts of info EVERYONE seemed to be keeping from them, so boo how dare you mislead them so badly and think yourselves in the right. Adrian really was a bland, personality-less git, so thank you, fic, for pointing that out and helping me pin down what bothered me so. I probably would have hand-waved it away otherwise. Sebastian started bothering me about 2/3 or 4/5 of the way through, and so did basically the entire story. The author notes bothered me at first, but then I stopped reading them. But the big-ass farce they created with the whole marriage business...what the flying fuck, man. No. Just no. (c'mon. Implications, people. Future shit to deal with. So much.)
The concepts had so much potential...I just hate the way the whole thing devolved for me.
The ending/good section of the end probably actually earns it a "kill it with fire" status (cuz it doesn't matter if it was cute and fluffy before, if it grows up vicious and has rabies, you need to do the humane thing and put it down [no, no, that's a horrible analogy. see what Cons do to me?]), but I'll refrain...for now.
Random comments I awkwardly typed on my phone (phone typing is awkward):
Chapter 2 had some details which seemed odd to me. For example, that Lavender has blonde hair, or that Viper/Sebastian has long reddish hair. Also he's like completely different then he was last chapter. Maybe he's the libertine with the split personality (ETA: all of the Sebastian stuff is later explained a bit better, ish, so w/e on those ones)
So...end of chapter 2. What, the mask is sentient? It may be inanimate, but that doesn't mean it isn't not sentient... (again, later explained, even if it did confuse me enough that I kept commenting on it at the time)
The mask thing still bothers me.
By chap idk Orgy something pt 2, Sebastian had really started annoy me. Plus the author does these really long author notes, and idk how I feel about that...
I stopped reading the A/N's and that made me feel a lot better.
The revelation parts were kind of weird. Mostly probably bc of the formatting. Hard to tell where the present ends and flashbacks start. Perhaps the effect is intentional?
Eh. I guess this does it for some people, but ambiguity annoys me, even if I'm often ambiguous. It's just...when it's clear authors are just withholding jnfk (I couldn't decipher what this was supposed to be at all)...
I don't buy the ending. I think I have a problem with this "men turning into women just for the marriage" bit.
The ending section/resolution still bothers me. I'm hard-pressed at the moment to pinpoint what exactly it was that disquieted me so beyond just the blatant misuse of power on the Jewel's side and the whole Cinder-esque resolution. I mean, I did like the rest of it, up until the point where all of it just made me so uncomfortable. I dunno. Maybe the ending section was enough to color my entire perception of this story, since I don't look back on it with enjoyment, kind of at all.
Eh. I mean, I guess I maybe get the author's attempt to create a MC with character flaws that are generally MCs, but idk. I feel like the Sebastian thing got a bit gimmicky towards the end, like forced allegory. Or idk, maybe my impression is colored by the fact that the plot resolution device just flat-out squicked me out.
7/25/14
Interesting concept; plot floundered.
More to distill from the badly phone-typed doc and audio rant file, but basically, this fic resolves with a huge no-no: man turning into a woman temporarily for a marriage, to a prince, no less. Like wow, what the hell are they going to do for an heir? And neither the queen nor king seemed unreasonable in their opposition to the situation as they understood it, given the mass amounts of info EVERYONE seemed to be keeping from them, so boo how dare you mislead them so badly and think yourselves in the right. Adrian really was a bland, personality-less git, so thank you, fic, for pointing that out and helping me pin down what bothered me so. I probably would have hand-waved it away otherwise. Sebastian started bothering me about 2/3 or 4/5 of the way through, and so did basically the entire story. The author notes bothered me at first, but then I stopped reading them. But the big-ass farce they created with the whole marriage business...what the flying fuck, man. No. Just no. (c'mon. Implications, people. Future shit to deal with. So much.)
The concepts had so much potential...I just hate the way the whole thing devolved for me.
The ending/good section of the end probably actually earns it a "kill it with fire" status (cuz it doesn't matter if it was cute and fluffy before, if it grows up vicious and has rabies, you need to do the humane thing and put it down [no, no, that's a horrible analogy. see what Cons do to me?]), but I'll refrain...for now.
Random comments I awkwardly typed on my phone (phone typing is awkward):
Chapter 2 had some details which seemed odd to me. For example, that Lavender has blonde hair, or that Viper/Sebastian has long reddish hair. Also he's like completely different then he was last chapter. Maybe he's the libertine with the split personality (ETA: all of the Sebastian stuff is later explained a bit better, ish, so w/e on those ones)
So...end of chapter 2. What, the mask is sentient? It may be inanimate, but that doesn't mean it isn't not sentient... (again, later explained, even if it did confuse me enough that I kept commenting on it at the time)
The mask thing still bothers me.
By chap idk Orgy something pt 2, Sebastian had really started annoy me. Plus the author does these really long author notes, and idk how I feel about that...
I stopped reading the A/N's and that made me feel a lot better.
The revelation parts were kind of weird. Mostly probably bc of the formatting. Hard to tell where the present ends and flashbacks start. Perhaps the effect is intentional?
Eh. I guess this does it for some people, but ambiguity annoys me, even if I'm often ambiguous. It's just...when it's clear authors are just withholding jnfk (I couldn't decipher what this was supposed to be at all)...
I don't buy the ending. I think I have a problem with this "men turning into women just for the marriage" bit.
August 21, 2016
IceraMyst tells us the story of Sebastian / The Black Viper, a half-fairy prostitute who works in his mother's brothel, and his slow coming to self-realization and love, through a convoluted web of intrigue, plot, and magic.
It was readable, it was fun in places. I wouldn't call it terrible by any stretch. It did, however, seem to drag on a great deal further than it really needed to. There were several chapters that seemed to serve as filler, or to simply repeat something we'd already read once before, and there are threads of story set out that aren't ever picked up on again later. Cutting these things out would improve the pacing of the story.
This story also relied heavily on the device of "miscommunication", which was helped along by the fact that really only a couple of characters (particularly Cameo) seemed to have any powers of observation at all. The main character was clueless to a degree that stretched believability sometimes (especially for a character who, in a couple of places, looked down on those of lesser intelligence). I can't quite buy someone who lives in a place with a garden not knowing what an ant is. Nor can I quite buy someone who was raised in a place with a stable knowing absolutely nothing at all about horses. It almost seems as though the average characters were dumbed down in order to make the intelligent ones stand above them.
Between the last most recent reviews and now, IceraMyst has actually done a round of editing on this story to fix most of the egregious homonyms, and has changed the pronouns used for her intersexed character to "they/them" instead of "it". There are still a few errors remaining, and a couple of places where "it" persists, but they're few enough to be completely forgivable for free online fiction.
The story came together in a somewhat contrived HEA at the end, but that's not very unusual for a HEA. On the whole I don't regret reading it, though it did end up being something of a slog somewhere in the middle. I think with a good round of solid editing this story could be something pretty great. As it stands, it was pretty okay. I'd like to see some pieces written by IceraMyst since then, as the promise shown here may have matured over time in other stories.
It was readable, it was fun in places. I wouldn't call it terrible by any stretch. It did, however, seem to drag on a great deal further than it really needed to. There were several chapters that seemed to serve as filler, or to simply repeat something we'd already read once before, and there are threads of story set out that aren't ever picked up on again later. Cutting these things out would improve the pacing of the story.
This story also relied heavily on the device of "miscommunication", which was helped along by the fact that really only a couple of characters (particularly Cameo) seemed to have any powers of observation at all. The main character was clueless to a degree that stretched believability sometimes (especially for a character who, in a couple of places, looked down on those of lesser intelligence). I can't quite buy someone who lives in a place with a garden not knowing what an ant is. Nor can I quite buy someone who was raised in a place with a stable knowing absolutely nothing at all about horses. It almost seems as though the average characters were dumbed down in order to make the intelligent ones stand above them.
Between the last most recent reviews and now, IceraMyst has actually done a round of editing on this story to fix most of the egregious homonyms, and has changed the pronouns used for her intersexed character to "they/them" instead of "it". There are still a few errors remaining, and a couple of places where "it" persists, but they're few enough to be completely forgivable for free online fiction.
The story came together in a somewhat contrived HEA at the end, but that's not very unusual for a HEA. On the whole I don't regret reading it, though it did end up being something of a slog somewhere in the middle. I think with a good round of solid editing this story could be something pretty great. As it stands, it was pretty okay. I'd like to see some pieces written by IceraMyst since then, as the promise shown here may have matured over time in other stories.
August 15, 2017
I have problems with this book...It was unnecessarily long, convoluted and was littered with confusingly jumbled, mismatched scenes that seem almost out of order.
By the time it ended I just felt puzzled and vaguely content with what had really happened. The twists were most likely the biggest reason for me hesitating in giving this book even three stars. While yes, they explained why this and that happened and why; I just couldn't fully enjoy how it played out. It felt like the author stumbled through certain parts, and smoothly through others, adding to my discontent.
It gets three stars mostly because of the characters. There are so many interesting characters strewn throughout this book, and the way they interact is simply magnetic. ALL of the courtesans are unique and lovely in their own way.
The whole relationship with Black Viper and Adrian is a bit muddled for me. On one hand, I thoroughly enjoyed how they interacted, and on the other hand, I feel a tad bemused as to how they fell in love.
I really love the ending though, and the scene at the wedding....could not stop grinning!
By the time it ended I just felt puzzled and vaguely content with what had really happened. The twists were most likely the biggest reason for me hesitating in giving this book even three stars. While yes, they explained why this and that happened and why; I just couldn't fully enjoy how it played out. It felt like the author stumbled through certain parts, and smoothly through others, adding to my discontent.
It gets three stars mostly because of the characters. There are so many interesting characters strewn throughout this book, and the way they interact is simply magnetic. ALL of the courtesans are unique and lovely in their own way.
The whole relationship with Black Viper and Adrian is a bit muddled for me. On one hand, I thoroughly enjoyed how they interacted, and on the other hand, I feel a tad bemused as to how they fell in love.
I really love the ending though, and the scene at the wedding....could not stop grinning!
July 7, 2013
Well, this was an interesting read. I liked the set up and the fact that this was played out in an exotic and highly sought after bordello. The characters were fascinating and the interplay between the courtesans intriguing. Sex, although ever present, was very much downplayed which made the story all the more interesting as the effect was to emphasize relationship and characters. The main character, Black Viper/Sebastian made a somewhat bewildering and unreliable narrator and at times his character seemed to change to suit the plot. As to the plot, well I'm still not entirely sure that I fully grasp the somewhat byzantine complexity nor did I really appreciate the amount of angst the author wrung from the relationship between Sebastian (and his aliases) and his love interest. The resolution I found bizarre and again at odds with Sebastian's supposed difficulty with telling lies since surely the rest of his life with Adrian would be a lie?
December 8, 2013
this was awesome!!! really great!!! amazingly entertaining and complex! the only thing that bothered me was that the hermaphrodite was referred to as "It" as the pc term. while there are plenty of gender-neutral pronouns to pic from like :
subject: they or Ey or Xe
object: them or Em or Xem
poss. adj. their or Eir or Xyr
poss. pro. theirs or Eirs or Xyrs
reflexive: themself of Emself or Xemself
all gender neutral pronouns that wouldnt have sounded so dehuminising as "it"... so ya that bothered me alot...
subject: they or Ey or Xe
object: them or Em or Xem
poss. adj. their or Eir or Xyr
poss. pro. theirs or Eirs or Xyrs
reflexive: themself of Emself or Xemself
all gender neutral pronouns that wouldnt have sounded so dehuminising as "it"... so ya that bothered me alot...
April 1, 2013
Thoroughly enjoyed this long story.
The setting was imaginative and the world-building satisfying.
Although the story was set in a brothel, don't expect lots of graphic sex, because this is primarily quite a gentle fantasy.
I really liked the many characters, especially the cursed prince.
Not going to spoil it by letting on to any of the plot; the twists and turns are best experienced without hints.
It was a good 4.5 stars, almost a 5 and so rounded up on GR (wish we could give half-stars).
The setting was imaginative and the world-building satisfying.
Although the story was set in a brothel, don't expect lots of graphic sex, because this is primarily quite a gentle fantasy.
I really liked the many characters, especially the cursed prince.
Not going to spoil it by letting on to any of the plot; the twists and turns are best experienced without hints.
It was a good 4.5 stars, almost a 5 and so rounded up on GR (wish we could give half-stars).
May 23, 2012
Confusing is the best term I have for this story ...
Currently reading
January 28, 2013Forgot I'd read The Sound of Snowfall and really enjoyed it, so I was somewhat startled to find myself really liking this, despite being slightly confused in the first chapter or two.
April 21, 2013
very enjoyable. But it should have forgotten the last few chapters.
June 20, 2013
wow, this author has a talent for drawing out the angst for longer than I would have thought possible.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews