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An Empty Cradle, a Full Heart: Reflections for Mothers and Fathers After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death
“Bereavement after the loss of a baby is often quiet and lonely,” writes Christine O’Keeffe Lafser, who has twice lost a child to death. “There is no wake or funeral, no grave site, no memorial to our baby’s life or death. . . . Since there are no real memories of our little one’s life, people have a hard time comprehending the depth of our love and grief.” In these reflections, Lafser offers grieving parents the empathy and courage that can come only from one who has walked the same difficult path.
“Chris expressed so many of my thoughts and feelings and made me feel so normal. . . . The greatest gift is learning that God does not desert us in our time of need.”
Linda Davis, Compassionate Friends, after miscarriage and stillbirth
“The juxtaposition of a Scripture text with each reflection is inspired. Some of the texts are breathtaking in their beauty and appropriateness. This book is a ‘must’ for anyone who is ever touched by the loss of an infant.”
Joseph Awad, poet and grieving grandfather
“This book will be very helpful for parents who are mourning the loss of their child. It will also prove very beneficial to anyone who is ministering to a bereaved parent.”
Robert N. Craig, O.F.M. Cap., hospital chaplain
“These reflections allowed me to ‘be’ how I was feeling—not feel like I should be going through the stages of grief that other books described. With this book I was no longer a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.”
Jeanette Siebels, after infant death
“Chris expressed so many of my thoughts and feelings and made me feel so normal. . . . The greatest gift is learning that God does not desert us in our time of need.”
Linda Davis, Compassionate Friends, after miscarriage and stillbirth
“The juxtaposition of a Scripture text with each reflection is inspired. Some of the texts are breathtaking in their beauty and appropriateness. This book is a ‘must’ for anyone who is ever touched by the loss of an infant.”
Joseph Awad, poet and grieving grandfather
“This book will be very helpful for parents who are mourning the loss of their child. It will also prove very beneficial to anyone who is ministering to a bereaved parent.”
Robert N. Craig, O.F.M. Cap., hospital chaplain
“These reflections allowed me to ‘be’ how I was feeling—not feel like I should be going through the stages of grief that other books described. With this book I was no longer a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.”
Jeanette Siebels, after infant death
272 pages, Paperback
First published September 30, 1998
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
March 29, 2011
When I read these books, I couldn't decide if I was going to review them on Goodreads because the subject is so personal and so private. But, I review the books I read, and I read sometimes to heal. So, yes, dear Goodreads friends (virtual and for real), I was recently pregnant for the first time and lost that pregnancy just a little bit ago. May you never need these books, but if you do, please know you're not alone.
Review:
This book is a series of small "reflections" about miscarriage and other childloss, each accompanied by a religious passage. Not being religious, I skipped the psalms and other readings and focused only on the reflections. Each reflection was supposed to be in the voice/experience of a different person suffering/healing in different ways. While I believe that the author had the best intentions, and she experienced loss herself, it was terribly, terribly executed. Never did her tone change--even when writing a section "for mothers" or "for fathers" or "for mothers and fathers." The first person narration didn't make the experiences seem genuine. Gender roles and stereotypes abound in the sections--and when I read one "male" perspective to my husband, he commented that it was actually more like something *I'd* feel than *he'd* feel. I didn't have a problem with the words, per say (except in a few pieces I'll describe below) but I did have a problem that they were coming from this one person pretending to speak for all. My experience, I imagine, is EXTREMELY different from someone who lost a child at birth, and I cannot imagine under what circumstance I'd try to make them be exactly the same. I also found her musings/judgements about abortion to be extraordinarily uncharitable, even for a religious tome. In one scene, she describes standing at the check out of a grocery store where the three clerks were laughing and joking about their abortions. Since she'd lost her credibility for me earlier, I gave her NO credit that this incident actually happened. Several other "reflections" also judged women who had abortions--and all made it seem like the choice to do so was made like changing socks. I get that abortion is a divisive issue, but the author didn't allow for any depth of feeling.
I would not recommend this book to those recently grieving. I suppose it might be something helpful for those who are religious, but I think there are much better books and websites that have people from various backgrounds describing various experiences. The author wrote our differences as one generic experience, and that just doesn't work for me.
Review:
This book is a series of small "reflections" about miscarriage and other childloss, each accompanied by a religious passage. Not being religious, I skipped the psalms and other readings and focused only on the reflections. Each reflection was supposed to be in the voice/experience of a different person suffering/healing in different ways. While I believe that the author had the best intentions, and she experienced loss herself, it was terribly, terribly executed. Never did her tone change--even when writing a section "for mothers" or "for fathers" or "for mothers and fathers." The first person narration didn't make the experiences seem genuine. Gender roles and stereotypes abound in the sections--and when I read one "male" perspective to my husband, he commented that it was actually more like something *I'd* feel than *he'd* feel. I didn't have a problem with the words, per say (except in a few pieces I'll describe below) but I did have a problem that they were coming from this one person pretending to speak for all. My experience, I imagine, is EXTREMELY different from someone who lost a child at birth, and I cannot imagine under what circumstance I'd try to make them be exactly the same. I also found her musings/judgements about abortion to be extraordinarily uncharitable, even for a religious tome. In one scene, she describes standing at the check out of a grocery store where the three clerks were laughing and joking about their abortions. Since she'd lost her credibility for me earlier, I gave her NO credit that this incident actually happened. Several other "reflections" also judged women who had abortions--and all made it seem like the choice to do so was made like changing socks. I get that abortion is a divisive issue, but the author didn't allow for any depth of feeling.
I would not recommend this book to those recently grieving. I suppose it might be something helpful for those who are religious, but I think there are much better books and websites that have people from various backgrounds describing various experiences. The author wrote our differences as one generic experience, and that just doesn't work for me.
February 22, 2016
This book was the only thing I could read following our son's still birth. The reflections were very insightful and relatable. They were also extremely comforting and helped me cry when I needed to.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews