Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen

by Candice Watters, Steve Watters

Singles are getting conflicting messages from today's culture, both Christian and secular. Is it okay to want to be married? Is there anything a never-married woman can do, within a biblical framework, to "assist" the process? Candice Watters gives women permission to want Christian marriage, encourages them to believe it's possible, and supplies the tools to get there - despite our anti-marriage culture. This book blends the author's personal journey from singleness to marriage with the biblical perspective on marriage. As an editor for Focus on the Family's Boundless webzine, Candice Watters knows the target audience inside and out. Whether a woman has been told to "get married" or marriage is on her lifelong wish list, Get Married points her to the source!

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian, Relationships, Christian Living, Marriage, Religion, Christianity

208 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[Megan Wright · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have mixed thoughts about this one. Overall, lots of good advice but I don’t agree with the author on everything.

Big takeaways that I found helpful are that God designed most of us for marriage so spending the twenties figuring out if it’s His will for you to get married is not a great place to camp out. The author makes the point that unless you see yourself to be gifted in fully serving the Lord in an undistracted way without marriage, and unless marriage and family would inhibit your service to God, you are called to marriage. Marriage is something to be intentionally pursued just how we would plan or prepare for a career or certain education path.

The point was made that marriage can assist in devotion to the Lord due to helping avoiding idleness and sexual immortality — didn’t fully agree with this point since it’s fully possible to struggle with these same sins as a married person but I see what she is getting at there. Seeing marriage as not only a good thing but a thing God desires for most of us to have should cause us to live and pray intentionally. The author makes some very good points about living like marriage is plan A instead of letting plan B become plan A and about intentionally seeking out interdependence as a single so that you aren’t being trained in independence. The importance of being in biblical community as both a network and a way to grow and become ready to marry were also stressed. Also had great advice about avoiding situationships (not the term she used since this was written in 2008 🤣) and how women can encourage men to make moves that is so needed today.

I think it’s really important with this topic to avoid swinging the pendulum to one side or the other too strongly. I appreciate the ways that this book highlights the practical steps we can and should be taking to get married that is often missing from the typical Christian advice to wait on the Lord, to avoid making marriage an idol, to expect something to happen when you least expect it etc. But at the same time, He is sovereignly in control of all things and we still do not control our stories and must trust Him.

[Rebekah Snyder]

According to this book, I’ve “wasted my most marriageable years.” That condescending tone makes it a little hard to take any of this advice seriously. Also, I’m still not certain what the advice is.

This book alternates between telling me that marriage is a good thing that I should strive to achieve at all costs, and reminding me of the importance of marrying well. Am I the only one who considers that to be mixed signals?

Herein lies my problem: I am getting married this year to an amazing man who makes it easy to say yes to forever. I am marrying him because I delayed marriage. Because I refused to chase after relationships with men whom I could have easily settled for. Men I could have married five years ago, thus not wasting my “most fertile years.”

I could have fit myself into the role of marriage and motherhood with a dozen different men. I could have been happy with any of them, probably. But now... with Levi... I can confidently say I will be better off than I ever imagined I could be with any of those other potential husbands. Because while there may be things I have to sacrifice for the good of our marriage, I finally feel like I don’t have to sacrifice my whole self.

William Booth once said, “Do not allow anyone to instill in your daughters the idea that marriage is the chief end of life and, if you do, do not be surprised when they get engaged to the first useless, empty headed fool they come across.”

Is marriage a worthy thing? An admirable thing? A holy thing? Yes. But is marriage the best thing? Not at the expense of your hopes and dreams and goals for your life. If the man is not going the same direction you’re going, let him pass you by. Chase after what makes you come alive and never settle for a mediocre marriage.

[Danette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Marriage is a good gift from God. It's ok to desire it and pray for it and prepare for it just as you would for your education or career. Lots of great advice including a Q&A at the end.

2019 - A book targeted at your gender

[Abigail · Rating 5 out of 5]

Candice had a refreshing view on singleness and marriage. Directed at women, she made marriage look attainable and made it clear that it was good and right to desire and pray earnestly for a husband. I enjoyed her writing style and stories that she shared. This will be a book I reference back to often.

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is not another book on the topic of "just be content in your singleness and patiently wait for God to bring you a husband". Candice Watters explains that there are things you should be doing now if you desire marriage, and it is God's will for most people to be married. This book was very refreshing to read. The "Pray Boldly" chapter really touched me.

[Becca Catherman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book transformed a lot of preconceived ideas I didn't even know I had on dating and marriage all with Biblical basis. I quickly became hooked because it contained truth I'd never heard before and was easy to read. As a single girl, it encouraged me in my desire for marriage rather than making it seem like I needed to find total commitment in singleness. This book helped me realize more than ever that marriage is in fact God's design, a God given desire that we can't make diminish by reading our Bibles more and that I can confidently - not shamefully - be praying for it. Perhaps it's the fact it was the first book I've read on the topic but I have nothing but good things to say about this book.

[Katie Bowes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every single Christian needs to read this book. Candice Watters is so succinct but shares some powerful truths about God’s calling to marriage and how we can play a role in making it happen as opposed to the classic Christian response of leaving it all to the sovereignty of God. Though his because one is actively searching and making moves to marry does mean you don’t trust God. It’s a tension.

Anyway, super encourages by this. Grateful God gave this woman the words all those years ago that would encourage me in this season.

[a_christian_reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is much that I found useful in this book, but much that I struggled to apply.

[Ylva · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book aimed at conservative Christian women claims to help women prepare for marriage and work towards finding a spouse.

However, this does not really go into the direction of empowering young women to figure out what they want, being more active and able to voice their own opinion in relationships.

No. This book is about getting married, because getting married (young) should be the norm for adults. The author thinks that marriage is a normal part of growing up and therefore it is your responsibility to make it happen. The benefits of marriage are also somewhat ... limited in her perspective. Because in this book, marriage is mostly about sex, babies and relationship.

One important advice to women is to not give too much physically before the wedding because that will remove the incentive for men to get married. Thus, we can conclude men marry for sex only. To help young women stay pure, the author recommends they live with their parents before marriage, as women are supposed to either live with family or their husbands, not alone. Parents can also enforce curfews and should be involved more in their children's relationships.

It's also not bad to use matchmakers and if your church doesn't have any eligible bachelors, that's not an issue! Just befriend the older ladies who might have godly sons or grandsons they can introduce you to.

And that was basically it. Women are allowed to confront a man about his intentions though if he takes too long just casually getting to know you.

I didn't like this book and I also think women who are involuntarily single will not find it comforting. Basically, if you failed getting married young, you've done things wrong.

[Anna · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not too provoking.

[Alexis Neal · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some good points, but not sure I buy all of what she's selling. It's easy for the intentional to become manipulative and the purposeful obsessive. Worth reading, though.

[Bethy Lansford · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting, thought-provoking.

[Giselle · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a pleasant read, at least most of the parts. Agree with most of the principals… but not sure about some things. :)

[Daisy Parker · Rating 2 out of 5]

While an informative read, it told me (and presumably most single readers) what we already knew. This book is not comforting for the "romantic late bloomers", the women who just got out of a relationship and don't know how to proceed, and the women who find themselves in unfortunate circumstances. It wasn't awful, but can't say that I enjoyed this book either.

[Jeannie Pederson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most single girls that I know deeply desire marriage – and many feel “stuck” in a prolonged season of singleness. We often lament, “Where are the men? It’s not like there’s anything I can do about my single state. After all, I’m a woman, and the men are supposed to initiate, right?” What’s a girl to do? Enter Candice Watters’ outstanding new book Get Married: What Women Can Do To Help It Happen. As the founder, former editor, and advice columnist for Boundless webzine, Candice understands the issues single women face. She writes with warmth and encouragement, taking a no-nonsense approach to a woman’s place and responsibility in pursuing marriage. To quote from the back cover: “Marriage. It’s good and natural to want—and it’s something most of us are called to. But if that’s true, why are so many women single beyond their expectations? And what, if anything, can they do about it? Plenty! . . . You can be content with where you are today and still desire marriage in a way that honors God. And there are things you can do to help it happen.”
Sound good? It is! No more self-pitying refrains of “. . . but there’s nothing I can do.” This book will give you fresh hope and encouragement, no matter how long you’ve been single. And you’ll find plenty of Scripture to help deepen your understanding about relationships.

Please note: This is not a feminist, “girl-power” book. “[It] isn’t a book about desperation or the hyperactivity of joining every dating service and singles group. You won’t find a list of a hundred tips for meeting a hot man or five things you can do today to help you get married tomorrow.” If that’s what you want, keep looking. But if you want to examine your mindset, understand more about God’s plan and reason for marriage, and learn to live like you’re planning (not just hoping) to marry, this is the book for you.

[Caitlin N. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually need to read this one again. I read it so fast today,I don't really remember what all it said.

But basically, this book is against all the "sit, wait, and hope God will drop a husband in your lap" mindset most of us sheltered, non-dating type girls have come to accept. Candice Watters argues that there is, indeed, something we can, and should, be doing to help. And from a Biblical standpoint, too! hooray!

Mrs. Watters encourages young women to not be ashamed of the desire to get married. The Bible teaches it is a holy, honorable, and worthwhile pursuit, created for God's glory, as a picture of Christ and his bride, and intended to bring individuals together for the furtherance of God's kindgdom.

And then there's the point about how it really is God's plan for most people to get married, so girls need to quit wasting the best part of their lives sitting there saying "if, if, if." If you want to get married, you obviously WEREN'T called to be single, so have a little faith, and "Live Like You're Planning to Marry." (the name of one of the chapters

There's also a nice chapter called "Men Aren't Jerks, They're Fallen (Like You)", which I appreciated as an avid hater of the "let's bash all men" trend that seems to be going on.

Okay, I must have paid more attention that I thought. I'd better just stop writing, or this thing will be an essay -and I don't have time to write one of those right now.

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

"(Foreward by R. Albert Mohler, Jr.) - What Women Can Do To Help It Happen- Unique among books for single Christian women, Candice's story, along with her discussion of Biblical principles for marrying well, will encourage never-married women, whatever their age and prospects. You can be content with where you are today and still desire marriage in a way that honors God. And there are things you can do to help it happen! I loved this book. It was very well written and persuasive. :) Full of practical advice too. I especially identified with Chapter 9- "Pray Boldly". I love how this book is solidly based on a foundation of Biblical Truth. It carries such a hopeful message and yet also encourages us to to be content where we are today while reaching for something more. And perhaps it might not be a bad idea to for mature young men to go ahead and read this book too? (It might help give them some insight esp. if they are seeking to begin a relationship with a Godly young woman) That being said, I wouldn't hesitate to recommend this book to any woman of marriable age. It certainly was a Blessing in my life.

[Jaclynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

If marriage is something that you desire, then you really need to read this book! Marriage is a gift from God, something that He does want to bless most people with. But with today’s breakdown of the family, the lines between masculinity and femininity blurred and a career driven confused culture....there is becoming less and less people entering into the holy marriage covenant, and those who are, are doing so later in life. This book is what women can do to help make marriage happen. And we’re not talking about popping the question to the opposite sex or doing anything scandalous. Candice offers biblically based concepts including believing that marriage is a worthwhile and holy pursuit, that God can make a good match, how to get behind the men you know to encourage them towards spiritual maturity, to live like your planning to marry and how to pray boldly.

[Rachel · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this book with an open mind, and in the end I was not impressed. Actually I was a little angry with some 'suggestions'. It is one thing to take care of yourself (eat well, exercise regularly, etc) but Candace seemed to emphasize being THIN. (She uses an example of a young man in college who didn't seem to notice her until after she lost weight) I feel that she put too much emphasis on physical beauty, that we as single women need to be thin, always style hair, etc. In the final chapter she even goes as far as equating being overweight with being messy and unkempt. Was not impressed with this book at all, donated it as soon as I was finished.

[Amber · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a topical look at marriage from a biblical perspective. You can't get into too much detail in only 186 pages. Though, I'd say that this length is perfect for what I perceive to be her intended audience, young singles...twenty-somethings. Watters attempts to show the reader how to live like you're planning to get married. She gives advice and shares her own experiences. She does have many good points worth considering, and her list of recommended titles at the end of the book guide you to resources of more in-depth reading.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I borrowed this book from the library. Not necessarily ground breaking for boundless readers. I didn't learn anything particularly new other than gain more insight into Candice's personal life and stories :P. A good wrap up of her work, and with supportive biblical advice. I better read this again another time. Something I left with is a desire to share this message with other young women like myself and start praying boldly and encourage positive discussion on the topic of marriage, something by God's design is very good.

[Dreamers.hope · Rating 3 out of 5]

This marriage book was quite refreshing because it is written for single ladies and is advises women not to merely "wait on the Lord" and sit around doing nothing. Instead, the Watters writes on ways women may be preparing for marriage even as a single. She shares her own love story and reminds women that they, too, have a role to play before they meet their future husbands. The only issue with this book was its overemphasis on marriage (placing it on a pedestal). At times, I felt as if marriage was the only option for women.

[Patricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Get Married was a refreshing challenge to embrace the call of marriage in today's anti-marriage culture. Refuting the myth that contentment is the answer to our longings, Candice Watters encourages her readers to live like they're planning to marry and to pray boldly. Complacency about marriage isn't helping our culture; purpose and the reformation of our thinking will. This was both inspiring, convicting.

[Michele Minor · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good book with practical advice to women on improving your odds for marriage. She tells some of her personal story in there along with her husband writing a chapter on how the two of them met and got married. She does answer questions at the end of the book about getting married since the writer is a columnist for Boundless an ezine from Focus on the Family for singles.

[Heather Denigan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good solid advice from solid Bible reading. The chapter on praying boldly was particularly helpful. Candice doesn't give new advice, but it was good to have it all in one place. I also found Candice and Steve's meet-up story encouraging as I tend to assume that a guy wants a petite adoring little blondie.

[Candice]

I started this book, and im proud that i am reading it, so you can all know that yes, im reading a book to find out not what i can do to make it happen...but how i can HELP it happen. :) ill give it to you next, Celeste.

[Kendra · Rating 2 out of 5]

Candice is trying to make a point, but is a bit over the top. Worth reading though. Had some ideas of how to think toward marriage. Best idea: get a mentor who will challenge your spiritually. Nothing really new, but probably because I've heard her over at Boundless.org.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm usually not a big fan of books for singles written by married folks, but this one successfully avoided the "it worked for me...it will work for you, too!" platitudes while remaining credible. Solid scriptural backup.

[Lee Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really hated this book when I first tried to read it in my early twenties. It clearly wasn't the right time for me to pick it up, and I think I also misconstrued some of her arguments.

4 stars for now, maybe 5 stars later. I need to think about it some more first.

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

enjoyed the refreshing perspective of this author, who pointed something out that i'd never read before - it's ok that we as women want to get married! be proud but not weird about it, and here's some applicable ways to do that. great and clear writing.