The Child Who Never Grew

by Pearl S. Buck, James A. Michener (Foreword by)

Originally published in 1950, Buck's account of her struggle to help and understand her daughter with mental retardation was perhaps the first disclosure of its kind by a public figure. New material written for this edition amplifies her story and gives the book a historical perspective.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Biography Memoir, Disability, Autobiography, History

107 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1950

About the author

Pearl Comfort Sydenstricker Buck was an American writer and novelist. She is best known for The Good Earth, the best-selling novel in the United States in 1931 and 1932 and which won her the Pulitzer Prize in 1932. In 1938, Buck became the first American woman to win the Nobel Prize in Literature "for her rich and truly epic descriptions of peasant life in China" and for her "masterpieces", two memoir-biographies of her missionary parents.
Buck was born in West Virginia, but in October 1892, her parents took their 4-month-old baby to China. As the daughter of missionaries and later as a missionary herself, Buck spent most of her life before 1934 in Zhenjiang, with her parents, and in Nanjing, with her first husband. She and her parents spent their summers in a villa in Kuling, Mount Lu, Jiujiang, and it was during this annual pilgrimage that the young girl decided to become a writer. She graduated from Randolph-Macon Woman's College in Lynchburg, Virginia, then returned to China. From 1914 to 1932, after marrying John Lossing Buck she served as a Presbyterian missionary, but she came to doubt the need for foreign missions. Her views became controversial during the Fundamentalist–Modernist controversy, leading to her resignation. After returning to the United States in 1935, she married the publisher Richard J. Walsh and continued writing prolifically. She became an activist and prominent advocate of the rights of women and racial equality, and wrote widely on Chinese and Asian cultures, becoming particularly well known for her efforts on behalf of Asian and mixed-race adoption.

Reviews

[Heba]

عن التجربة الذاتية التي عايشتها الكاتبة " بيرل باك " مع ابنتها التي كانت تعاني من القصور العقلي..
هنا ينكشف لك قلب الأم المُحطم...ترزح تحت ثقل المعاناة...
الاحساس العارم بالتمرد على الأقدار...الشعور الزخم بالأسى والوجع...إلى أن تأتي اللحظة التي تُدرك فيها إنه عليها أن تتعايش مع الألم..أن تتقبله..فالأمر لن يتغير ولا مناص منه..
انفطر قلبي مرتين ، المرة الأولى عند موقف هؤلاء الغرباء الذين يحدقون بمثل هؤلاء الأطفال الأبرياء...وإذا ما تلاقت نظراتهم بأعين الأم تراها تزوغ من سهام المواجهة...نظرات لئيمة...غبية...خاوية...
والمرة الثانية عندما أودعت ابنتها بإحدى المؤسسات المعنية بتكريس جهودها لرعاية هؤلاء الأطفال ، وإذ بها تفلت ذراعي طفلتها التي تطوق رقبتها وتنصرف دون أن تلتفت وراءها..
حتى لو كان ذلك هو الحل الوحيد المُتاح آنذاك ...وحتى وإن لم تنقطع عن زيارتها...ولكن كان ذاك الحل برأيي الأصعب والأشد ألماً على الإطلاق....
هذا وإن كان ذلك قد حدث في الماضي حيث لم يكن توفر بعد مؤسسات تربوية وتعليمية لهؤلاء الأطفال مما يُنمي قدراتهم دون إقصائهم عن أهليهم ...
كم نحن بحاجة أن ندرك بأن هؤلاء الأطفال يدركون معاني الحب..الود..التعاطف...يتفهمونها لأنها لغة القلب التي لا تُخطىء أبداً...يدركون معنى أن تمسك بأيديهم بين يديك...تعانقهم..تربت عليهم ..تبتسم في وجوههم ..
سرعان ما ستتلقى أعذب الابتسامات وأنقاها وأصدقها....
وأخيراً علينا جميعاً أن نتعلم كيف نعيش مع الأسى الذي لا يمكن رده ولا تغييره...بصبر جميل والقبض على المعنى ما استطعنا إلى ذلك سبيلا.....

[Edith · Rating 3 out of 5]

This very slim volume comprised of a mere 62 pages was originally an article in the Ladies’ Home Journal in 1950. In this small book, Pearl Buck tells a bit of the story of her firstborn child who was born to her when she was living in North China. I say “a bit” because Pearl has a unique style of writing; she does not share details but paints her story in broad strokes. She never mentions her daughter’s name, and oddest of all, she never mentions her husband or the child’s father. (I have read in other places that her first marriage was not a happy one although it lasted 18 years.)

Her daughter was born healthy and beautiful. She had no idea that anything was wrong except that at three years of age, she still was not talking. The little girl looked well and healthy and was very active physically…just didn’t talk. Even though Pearl was beginning to feel a bit concerned, her Chinese friends, meaning well, assured her that children talk at different ages. It was when her daughter was almost four that Pearl heard a lecture on the preschool child by a visiting American pediatrician and realized that there had been signs all along which had indicated that something was wrong. Then began the doctor visits which ended up taking her to America for experts and answers. She found out that her child’s mind was “severely retarded” as she puts it and there was simply nothing to be done. In her book Pearl says that she never knew the cause of her daughter’s retardation.(or at least she didn’t know the cause at the time of writing)

She was heartsick. She herself had always been extremely healthy, intelligent, and quick to learn. She became concerned for her child’s future: who would take care of her when she was gone? How could she insure that her child would always be kindly looked after and have a secure and stable home? This led her to an extensive search for an institution which would meet her child’s growing needs. Eventually finding an institution run by a “kind man”, she put her 9-year-old daughter into his care. There were some difficulties at first but Pearl felt strongly that finding a permanent home that would be there after she herself died was of paramount importance for her daughter’s happiness and security. She eventually moved nearby and visited often over the course of years. The book doesn’t say how old the child was at the time of writing…only that “in years she is old enough now to have been married and to have children of her own -my grandchildren who will never be”. (I did some math and calculated that this daughter would have been 29 in 1950.)

Pearl writes this book because she wants her “child’s life to be of use in her generation”. She wants to see research done on “preventable causes of mental deficiency“, as she puts it. The copyright to this book belongs to the Training School at Vineland, NJ and all royalties, revenue, and any profit earned are to go to their research department. This book went on to be published in 13 languages and gave the school considerable publicity.

The school still exists and now has their residents living off campus in community-based group homes. The school’s website also gives the name of Pearl’s daughter to be Carol. It mentions that she was born with a rare condition known as PKU. (I recall my babies getting a routine PKU test at birth so this has obviously been a development in preventive mental retardation since the early 1900‘s.)


Did a little research to find that Pearl and her husband adopted a baby girl when her first daughter was four years old. She divorced her first husband, an agricultural economist, after 18 years of marriage. She would have been in her 40’s and then went on to marry her editor and adopted 6 more children with him. She obviously loved children.

Pearl Buck lived an incredible life.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

One might consider The Good Earth as Pearl S. Buck's magnum opus, after all she did win a Pulitzer Prize because of it. She also won a Nobel Prize for Literature for many of her other literary works. However, for one to really understand the drive and the reason behind writing such great works of literature that she wrote during her lifetime, it would be imperative to read this book. By doing so, you begin to understand how and why Pearl S. Buck became the great author and humanitarian that she was.

This book was originally written in 1951, when having a mentally retarded family member was often kept as a family secret. Mentally retarded family members were often sent away to warehousing mental institutions and not spoken of again by the family. Caroline Grace Buck was born in 1920, she was the first born and only child of Lossing and Pearl Buck. She suffered from phenylketonuria (PKU) a disorder which made her unable to metabolize the amino acid phenylalanine and would later cause her mental retardation. Pearl Buck became the first person of her stature to reveal publicly that she had a mentally retarded child.

Ms. Buck begins the book by telling why she wrote it and her struggle in deciding to write it. One of the main reasons she decided to tell her story was so that Carol's life would have meaning and purpose to her generation. I believe by telling her and Carol's story, she became an agent of change for not only Carol's generation but for generations to come. By telling their story, doors were opened for the disabled.

Ms. Buck writes of her struggles to find help and good quality care for Carol and coming to terms with Carol's disability. Little was known, at the time, about how to help children like Carol. At the age of nine, Carol was placed in the Training school at Vineland in New Jersey. Ms. Buck chose Vineland because of its kindness to its residents and its cutting edge research history with the disabled. She had done her research to find out the best possible place to send Carol. At the same time, she also had to be able to pay for it. Thus, Buck took up her pen and began to write as a means of income. It pretty much sparked her writing career. This is a powerful book which took courage to write. Ms. Buck speaks as she puts it "as one who knows." Being a parent of a special needs child . . . I understand completely where she is coming from.

A must read for anyone who has a child with a disability. I think you will appreciate Pearl S. Buck's courage in telling her story because your child has benefited from it.

I would also recommend reading Pearl Buck's book "The Gifts They Bring", it discusses how society has benefited from children with special needs and the unexpected gifts that they bring to those that take time to get to know them and love them.

[رومولا الن emmajain-book · Rating 4 out of 5]

بهذا الكتاب تحكي لنا الكاتبة عن تجربتها الخاصة بتربية طفل لا ينمو عقليا
طفل مهما كبر بالسن شكليا لن يكبر عقليا
ستتعرف على نظرة المجتمع لهؤلاء الأطفال بداية القرن العشرين
تأثرت مع الكاتبة وسعيها لضمان حياة ابنتها خاصة بعد موتها
لم أعط الكتاب خمسة نجوم بسبب الترجمة كانت سيئة
أنصح بالكتاب

[Leona · Rating 5 out of 5]

This small book (only 62 pages long) delivers an incredibly powerful story. It never deviates from the topic at hand; how to accept, nourish and love a child born with an intellectual disability. The book was first written as a 1950's article for Ladies Home Journal as a way to educate people and help guide them through a world that didn't offer many solutions or avenues of help. This is Pearl's own story, and is evocatively told as only she could do.

I was saddened by her journey. But her strength of spirit, and that of her daughter's, came through loud and clear. The gift of a mother's love is told from every page. Though this story is heart wrenching, it is also uplifting to see the changes that she and others have accomplished in the last 60 years.

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have always loved her writing style.
I have mixed feelings about this book though.
At one time, I would feel it was going as it was meant to be yet at times I couldn't help being bored because of the repeated lines.
However, it described well the dilemma of a parent with a socially challenged child.
This book will stay with me forever.

[Naeema Alaradi · Rating 5 out of 5]

أحببت تجربة بيرل باك مع ابنتها .. أحببت كل ما كتبته .. أحببت الأسلوب الذي تعاملت فيه معها .. تقول بيرل باك ان الأطفال الذين يتوقف نموهم من حقهم أن يعيشوا بسعادة كأي انسان آخر .. سعادتهم مختلفة عن الآخرين و لكنهم يحسون و يشعرون حتى لو كانت قابليتهم للتعلم محدودة .. هذا الكتاب من أجل كل أم رزقت بطفل ملائكي لم تعرف كيف تتعامل معه

[Jessaka · Rating 3 out of 5]

What a marvelous book. Pearl Buck speaks about her only child, a child that was mentally challenged, and through lessons she learned about the child she became a more compassionate person.

This is what I wish to remain with me:

"So by this most sorrowful way I was compelled to tread, I learned respect and reverence for every human mind. It was my child who taught me to understand so clearly that all people are equal in their humanity and that all have the same human rights. None is to be considered less, as a human being, than any other, and each must be given his place and his safety in the world...

My child taught me to know, too, that mind is not all of the human creature. Though she cannot speak to me clearly, there are other ways in which she communicates. She has an extraordinary integrity of character. She seems to sense deception and she will not tolerate it. She is a child of great purity. She will not tolerate habits that are filthy and her sense of dignity is complete. No one may take liberties with her person. Neither will she endure cruelty. If a child in her cottage screams she hurries to see why, and if the child is being struck by another child or if an attendant is to harsh, she cries aloud and goes in search of the housemother. She has known to push away the offending one. She will not endure injustice. An attendant, laughing, said to me on day, 'We have to treat her fairly or she makes more trouble for us.'

What I am trying to say is that there is a whole personality not concerned with the mind, and children mentally deficient often compensate for their lack by other qualities of goodness...
We have to thank the helpless children for teaching us tht mere intelligence is not enough."

[Rabab Al.aswad · Rating 2 out of 5]

نبذة عن الكاتبة: بيرل باك هي أديبة أمريكية ولدت في 26 يونيو 1892 في بلدة هيلسبور في فيرجينيا الغربية وقبل أن تبلغ من العمر خمسة أشهر عاد بها والديها إلى الصين حيث كانا يعملان في التبشير واشتريا منزلا في حي صيني في مدينة شين كيانج في هذا الحي مكثت بيرل معظم سني طفوتها حيث قالت فيما بعد لم اشعر باي فرق بيني وبين الاطفال الصينيين، بعد التحاقها بمدرسة التعليم العالي في ولاية فرجينيا بدأت بنشر كتاباتها وحازت على بعض الجوائز، وتزوجت بيرل من رجل اقطاعي من ولاية كنزاس منتدب لدراسة الفلاحة في الصين استقر الزوجين في بلدة صغيرة شمال الصين حيث عانيا من شظف العيش وصعوبة الحياة حيث وصفت الكاتبة حياتها في تلك البلدة في كتابها "الأرض الطيبة" ومن المعروف ان الاديبة انكبت على قراءة القصص منذ نعومة اظفارها وتأثرت بقصة علاء الدين والفانوس السحري، للكاتبة إنتاج متعدد وغزير ونظرا لان معظم كتاباتها مستوحاة من الحياة في الصين لقبت بالكاتبة الصينية توفتي في 6 مارس 1973 وحصلت على جائزة نوبل في الأدب لسنة 1938 في مجال الرواية.
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الموضوع: تتحدث بيرل باك بهذا الكتاب عن طفلتها التي لاحظت عليها بعد سنوات قليلة انها تختلف عن الاطفال من ناحية التحدث وغيرها من الامور ومن هنا بدأت بيرل رحلة البحث عن تبرير لوضع ابنتها التي وُلدت بشكل طبيعي ولكن فجأة تغير الحال.. كانت تحتاج بيرل الصراحة ممن استفسرت منهم بشأن ابنتها ولكن خوف على مشاعر بيرل لم تجد من يصارحها حتى توصلت لاحد الاطباء اثناء القاء محاضرة ووجدت العديد من العلامات التي تم ذكرها هي ماتعاني منها ابنتها.. وبدأت رحلة جديدة وفصل جديد مع ابنتها لعرضها على اكثر من طبيب واضطرت لأن تتغرب ربما تجد ملاذها وفي الاخير تعرفت على ماتعانيه ابنتها.. والتي ستبقى بهذا الحجم دون ان تنمو وتتغير حتى وصولها عمر الاربعين ستبقى طفلة بشكلها وحجمها وكبيرة بعمرها.. وتقع هنا المسؤلية على عاتق الام والاب بكيفية التصرف مع هذه الفئة وكذلك الجمتمع الذي عانت فيه بيرل من نظرة البعض الدونية لهذه الطفلة الجميلة. هنا سنجد الكثير من الاحداث التي قامت بها بيرل في رحلتها مع ابنتها لاجل علاجها وتربيتها وتعليمها وانخراطها بهذا المجتمع القاسي.. حتى اضطرت في النهاية لإيجاد مأوى للطفلة يكون آمناً عليها من كل الجهات.. وتطرقت لمسؤلية الفرد والاهل والمجتمع والدولة اتجاه هذه الفئة وكذلك كيفية التعامل معهم بكونهم بشر ويحتاجون للرعاية والاهتمام والانسانية بالتعامل قبل كلشيء. هذه القضية يعاني منها الكثير من الاطفال والمعاناة الاكبر تقع على الوالدين لانهم الطرف المباشر الذي ينوجد مع هذا الطفل وهنا تطرقت بيرل للعديد مما واجهها مع طفلتها وكيف تصرفت حيال الامر وكيف واصلت مسيرتها مع ابنتها حتى النهاية.
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رايي الشخصي: هنا لسنا بصدد تقييم رواية بل هنا لايمكن تقييم حياة ام مع طفلتها ومعاناتهم.. كان الاسلوب بسيط جداً وسرد عادي جداً لهذه الرحلة المؤلمة ولم اجد لمسات للمترجم بل شعرت انه ترجم السيرة حرفياً حيث وجدت بعض المواضع غير متناسقة واخطاء قليلة جداً.. ولم اشعر بأن هذا الكتاب رواية بل سيرة للام مع ابنتها..اعجبتني صلابة هذه الام والامل الذي تعيشه مع هذه الفتاة وصراعها المرير لأجل توفير بيئة ملائمة لها وابعادها عما يجرح مشاعرها ويؤثر بها وخصوصا ان هناك بعض الاباء يتركون هؤلاء الابناء بأحد المؤسسات التي تعتني بهذه الفئة ويصبحون منسيين مدى الحياة وبيرل على العكس بقيت مع طفلتها لاخر رمق.. ولكن اعجبتني الارض الطيبة اكثر، اما هذه الرواية آلمتني كثيراً.
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•ملاحظة: يحدث بعض الاحيان تشابه بيننا وبين بعضنا في التقييمات ولكنه بلا شك غير مقصود لان لكل منا رايه وذائقته واسلوبه ونظرته للاحداث وان حدث تشابهه فيما بيننا فهو محض صدفة لاغير ولاتعتمد في خيارك على ذائقة الاخرين فكل ذائقة تختلف بالتأكيد فيما بيننا.
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#البحرين_تقرأ_10000_كتاب #شهر_و5كتب #رباب_تقرأ #اخترت_متنفسي_بين_كتاب_وقلم #الكتاب_هو_المنفى_الذي_يأويني_بين_سطوره #القراءة_هي_التحدي_الجميل_لكل_وجع #أقرأ_لأن_حياة_واحدة_لا_تكفيني #القراءة_عالمي_الجميل #العلاج_بالقراءة #لن_تهدد_بالغياب_شخص_اختار_متعته_بين_عزلة_وكتاب

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly recommend for anyone who is close to someone with mental disabilities. The author really captures the experience so well. Learned more about the emotional aspects of having a child with disabilities as well as how those with disabilities have contributed to educational techniques. It was written a long time ago, and it was interesting to read about how so much remains the same but there are some things now that are different.

[Sonia Francis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pearl Buck’s heart felt candid story of raising a mentally disabled child in 1950’s China. A short memoir ( 73 pages) evokes feelings of empathy, humanity, patience and tolerance.

“It was my child who taught me to understand so clearly that all people are equal in their humanity and that all have the same human rights “.

In the end Pearl made sure she found a loving caring home for her daughter Carol. She wanted to make sure she would be okay after she was gone.

Her advice to parents struggling with raising a mentally disabled child is to love the child and find happiness for them wherever you can

A heart rendering and inspiring perspective from a woman with an amazing human spirit.

[Mahtab Aramesh · Rating 3 out of 5]

کتابی جمع و جور و مفید درباره تجربیات و احساسات مادری با کودکی دارای ناتوانی ذهنی ... برای درک این مادران و شرایطشون و تغییر افکار و دید همه ی آدما خیلی لازمه...

[J.J. Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

This short book is a tragic, first hand account of being the mother of a child who although born normal, became retarded as she grew physically but not mentally during her childhood. This child, we now know, had an inherited genetic disorder called PKU, phenyketonuria, that poisons the brain and causes mental retardation if not treated early during infancy with a special low-protein diet. I myself have two daughters with PKU, both treated successfully in infancy and childhood - because the times have changed, their outcomes were so much better. The author, Pearl Buck is a great writer, and was the first woman to win a Pulitzer Prize in literature, but I didn't know that when I first discovered her writing. I read her novel The Good Earth when I was a little girl, after it was sent to my mother from my uncle - who then lived in China. I loved that book, though my uncle was dismayed that my mother had let me read it. Of course then I had no way of knowing Pearl Buck and I would share the fate of having a child with PKU. Read her story to get a glimpse into her private world of pain, deciding how to best care for her disabled daughter. But also read it to understand how vital universal newborn screening is today, that picks up PKU at birth, enabling normal childhood development of people born with PKU.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a parent of a child that passed away that was special needs I found this book to be amazingly poiniont. The section where her daughter spoke of how Pearl Buck had become so involved in helping others and not spending time with her family spoke so much to me along with what Pearl Buck had to go through in making the decisions that she had to for her daughter with special needs. Everything is such a fine line and it is wonderful to be reminded of this every once in a while so that when deciding to make similar decisions in our own lives we can see how things were for others.

[Cookie M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am rating this as a book published in the time in which it was written, with prejudices and practices of the times held to be proper norms.
For all that, I can imagine Ms. Buck writing as if she were addressing a women's social club luncheon, or penning an article to "Good Housekeeping" Magazine, to women who were uncomfortable thinking about intellectually disabled people, but who knew it was a "worthy" topic.
She does an admirable job discussing something that had to be heart rending for her, a tragedy she faced on her own as a single mother.
I am glad that things have mostly changed.

[Yomna Saber · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mixed feelings! I fully understand the pain and the shock of knowing that one's child is mentally retarded. Buck was able to put this into words, although this feeling is quite hard to articulate and express. However, she just left her in an institution and there the girl bloomed with their help, not her mother's. That must have been a tough mission, but the mother hardly took any part in it. I like the style of writing of course, but I am not impressed by her notion and practice of motherhood at all to be honest.

[Hadeel · Rating 3 out of 5]

هو كتاب تربوي اكثر من كونه رواية ، تصف فيه الكاتبة حال ابنتها التي لا ينمو عقلها أبدا وماهي الصعوبات التي تواجه الطفلة ومن هم امثالها و ماهي الصعوبات التي تواجه الأهلحيث تقدم الكاتبة نصائح لهم .
كما ذكرت الكاتبة حاجة مثل هؤلاء الأطفال الى الحب والحنان والعطف والسعادة والامان لأنهم مثلهم مثل اَي شخص وهم يشعرون وان كان نموهم العقلي بطيىء.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars for reminding me why I'm going into medicine

[Asuka · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't know about Pearl S Buck. I had no idea she was a Nobel Prize winning author. I didn't find her writing particularly great. But I think it is the topic and the time. This was decades and decades ago. This is when admitting that you have a mentally challenged child was frowned upon. This is when being half Asian made you unadoptable. In her time, to talk about her daughter was brave and unheard of. Some readers might be horrified to hear that she left her daughter at an institution. But I come from a home with handicapped child. I've grown up knowing people with handicapped children, some now older than me. When people talk about handicapped children nowadays, there is so much passion and good will. But often times these emotions come from mind that doesn't know the reality of living day in day out, years and years with someone with a severe mental challenges. Not just parents, but siblings, relatives. I recommend everyone reads this book, just to get a glimpse of life with a challenged child.

[Harriett Milnes · Rating 4 out of 5]

A sad book about Pearl Buck's struggle to understand and provide for her daughter who was born with PKU. A child born with PKU today is diagnosed quickly and does not experience mental retardation.

The saddest part was when Pearl Buck decided to work with her daughter every day to teach her to read and write. Then she touched her daughter's hand and realized that Carol's hand was sweating. Her poor daughter was trying her best. Pearl decided then to make sure her daughter was happy. In those days, children like Carol spent their lives in public or private mental institutions.

This book probably helped the big changes in attitudes towards mental illness, and the big changes in research and support of families with these types of children.

[Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book front to back. Such an amazing story of a mother's trials with a handicapped child - a must read for all mothers, daughters, for everyone.

"The gift that is hidden inher shows itself in the still ecstasy with which she listens to great symphonies, her lips smiling, her eyes gazing off into what distance I do not know."

Pearl S. Buck is one of my favorite authors and this is an account of her life with her handicapped daughter. Heartbreaking and full of love.

Highly recommend everyone to read this one.

I also loved the intro by James Mitchner - be sure to get that one.

[Marian · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read this for research and was alternately devastated and enraged that Buck managed to develop enlightened views on intellectual disability for her day yet still banged on about her child being "of use" to society, saw her daughter and other disabled children as fodder for science, and still placed her in an institution, to "protect her." She never stopped seeing her daughter's life as a sorrow and a tragedy that came upon her.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

I believe this is a good description of what a mothers pain and denial are like when finding out they have a mentally retarded child. I have done lots of research into Pearl S Buck and am lucky to have the ability to visit her house and non profit. I don't always enjoy all her writings but did enjoy this one.

[Margie · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first two thirds of this book is quite touching; it’s about her personal experience of at first, acknowledging, then accepting, that her child had mental retardation. The latter third is about the need to provide enough care and to identify the causative factors of mental retardation. It’s a short book, and I recommend it to anyone who wants a small peek into the life of this prolific author.

[Reet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, really an amazing book. The 4 ⭐ are for what courage and frankness it took to write about this at a time when people pretended as if special needs children and adults did not exist.
In this book, Pearl Buck, the author of The Good Earth trilogy, shares the story of her daughter Carol, who because of an inability to absorb protein stopped her mind's growth at the age of three. This meant she could care for herself, mostly, with supervision. But she would need to be institutionalized in order that her mother could write and make enough money to institutionalize her. It's a wrenching story, and one that the reader sees was extremely heartbreaking and difficult for the author to write.
At the time it was written (1950), families just did not share that their children had special needs. In that sense, this is groundbreaking work.
The author gives parents of children with special needs great advice on what to look for if they are going to institutionalize their child. I guess this is mostly advice for wealthy parents.
Carol Buck was extremely fortunate in that her mother assured her a safe and long-lived life. Miss Buck is white and she is the daughter of Presbyterian missionaries who went to China to "win souls for the church" more or less.
Take the sad situation of Miss buck and her child, and transform it into a family of color, who live in poverty. You are not going to find the same solution for a special needs child as Ms Buck found for hers.

1992, Paperback, Woodbine House
P.8-9:
".. from the Chinese she absorbed two important attitudes: 'love of children for their own sakes and beyond' and acceptance of 'any human infirmity for what it is' She later wrote. Growing up in china, Miss Buck saw blind, lame, deformed people coming and going in their communities. No shame, no blame. They were openly 'accepted for themselves' because the Chinese believed that any affliction was part of one's fate, ordained by heaven, to be respected as such, and therefore not the fault of the individual or the family."
And yet, I just finished reading the second book of The Good Earth trilogy, by Ms buck, and in the Wang family, there was one daughter born to Wang long, who was mentally deficient, who was not accepted into the family. instead she was thrust upon Wang lung's youngest concubine, who cared for her until her death. And Wang lung's Son, the merchant: he had a son who had been given to a servant to wet nurse, whose own child was taken away for that reason, and who in her resentment of this, became sloppy and dropped the child on its head, resulting in physical deformity. That child was hidden away from the family and eventually went to live with Wang lung's concubine, who was already taking care of the mentally deficient daughter and now cared for the physically deformed son of Wang lung the merchant. So I don't know how great the author thinks the Chinese are with their treatment of physically or mentally deformed citizens. 🤷‍♂️

P.30-1:
"I have begun this story so long ago because I can see now that I loved my child long before she was born. I wanted children of my own, as most women do, but I think my intense love of Life added depth to natural longing. Something certainly I learned from The chinese, who value children above all else in life. The Chinese love children for their own sakes and beyond. Children mean the continuity of human life, and human life is wonderful and precious. I absorbed the atmosphere in which I was reared."
I have two problems with the previous paragraph: first, the Chinese may love their children but they don't necessarily love their female children. Female infanticide is a big problem there. Secondly, what is so wonderful and precious about human life? Maybe if you are born into a rich family in the birth lottery, you are assured of a sheltered and healthy life. Otherwise, you can take your chances with the rest of us, reeling from one tragic situation to another, and worsened if you are a person of color. Oh and what about the climate crisis and Sixth Extinction that we "wonderful humans" are responsible for? How about the children born now in 2021 who will be around, supposedly, at the end of the century when life in most parts of the world will not be livable for a human life and most of the flora and fauna?
🤷‍♂️

[SmallRain · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is not the book I read because there was no foreword by James Mitchener but the essential memoir is the same. It is a story of coming to terms with the fact that the child you bore will never be more than a child. While her body will grow and mature her mind will stop far too soon. Wikipedia says Carol, this child, actually had PKU which is very sad because nowadays there is help for these children. All babies are tested at birth and if positive are put on a special diet to avoid phenylalanine. If this treated they generally live a normal life in length and mental ability but this was not discovered until about 1934 and I am not sure when screening began. If untreated they were subject to mental and physical handicaps. Pearl Buck makes a strong case that all children, all people are deserving of respect and as full a life as they are capable of having. She says much can be learned from these children and the biggest sorrow the parents face is that of knowing their child will not be able to have the life that was anticipated for them. All children are capable of having relatively happy and fulfilling lives even if those lives are different to most other children. The one thing I found a bit grating was that she keeps saying ‘the child’, never using a first name. Perhaps this was for privacy reasons but in not giving her name, Carol, she seemed to me to be damaging her claims that all people whether they are handicapped or not handicapped are deserving of the same human rights. Even if she didn’t want to use her daughter’s actual name she could have used an assumed name and then she would have seemed more real. Calling her the child seemed to objectify her, make her less than. However the memoir of Pearl Buck’s struggle to accept her daughter as she was not as her mother wished her to be is certainly well worth reading.

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was inspired to read this memoir after reading The Good Earth, and recognizing a minor character that was not integral to the story, but whispered of personal experience of the author. This book is an excellent companion to The Good Earth, if only to better understand the life and times of the author. It was a very quick, yet enlightening read and will stay with me. Beautifully written, I recommend it for anyone that is a fan of Pearl S. Buck's writing, those interested in history, interested in the the preliminary seeds of activism, or anyone who may want to learn more about one area that has made great strides in the most recent 50 years.

*This is a memoir, it is about the author and how she comes to terms with having a child with a profound intellectual disability. The privacy of her child is protected, but we learn enough of the child's intellectual disability to understand the internal struggles she has as the mother.

*This is historical, this is about the fate of children with intellectual and physical disabilities leading up to the 1950's, when the book was published. This twenty-three years before the first laws ensuring the basic civil rights of, and requiring schools and society to have accommodations in place for individuals with disabilities. Be aware that due to the era in which this was written it uses terminology that is no longer considered acceptable when referring to individuals with disabilities. Buck writes compassionately using the vernacular of her time. Nearly 70 years later, those words are now considered highly offensive.

*This book is raw and personal. The reader cannot help but to feel what it is to step into the author's shoes for a time.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is notable for being one of the first accounts of what it's like to raise a differently abled child.

Pearl S. Buck's first and only biological child had Phenylketonuria--a metabolic disorder where phenylalanine, a naturally occurring amino acid can't be digested and becomes a poison, causing brain damage. She does not discuss that particular condition in the book--it's possible they didn't have the diagnosis when she wrote the book--but the effects on her daughter were devastating.

Buck talks about coming to terms with the reality of giving up the dreams parents have for their child's life, dealing with the less-than-supportive responses from other families and how to make long-term plans for when you won't be there to care for them.

This book was written in a time period where educational and housing opportunities were different. Still, I can see why this was such an important book when it was published. Before Buck picked up her pen, people never discussed these issues. It must have been such a relief for parents to discover that they weren't alone.

Recommended.

Note - If you like Buck's works, or are interested about her life, tours are available at her estate in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. The grounds are beautiful and the resident docents can provide you with the interesting history of her life including the many children she adopted and the charity organizations she founded.

[Noof Waleed · Rating 4 out of 5]

كتاب جميل تحدث عن الأطفال الذين يصابون بالقُصور العقلي وهم في سن الطفوله ويبلغون وتنمو أجسادهم ويبقى العقل كما كانت عقول أطفالٍ .

تحدثت الكاتبه عن تجربتها مع طفلتها ، منذ كيفية إدراكها بأنه عقلها توقف عن النمو من خلال بعض الدلائل الظاهرة على الطفل وسعيها عن الطرق لعلاجها وبحثاً عن المؤسسات التي تتبنى مثل هذي الحالات اخيراً الى الحلول لتكيف معها.

سلطت الضوء عن اهمية توفير البيئة المناسبة مثل وجود مؤسسات صحية تشابه عالمها، والسعي في البحث العلمي لتقليل مثل هذي الإعاقات مستقبلاً.

اخيراً ان دور الإنسان حتى وان كان غير سوي فله الحق بالحياة والسعادة التي يجب ان توفر لها. ولو سلطت الضوء على مثل هذا الطفل لرأيت فيه بعض الصفات الخيرة التي بدور الوالدين والمجتمع أن يركز عليها.

نتعلم من القصه انه مايصيب الوالدين بمثل هذي المصيبة لاننكر انه تكون مربوطة بالأسى وقد يكون خجولاً تجاه العالم الخارجي ، لكن لابد له ان يكون عميق الرضا والإمتنان ، ويسعى في فهمها وإدراكها ، ثم ينسجم ويتكيف معها حتى تستمر الراحة والطمأنينة.

مقتطفات اعجبتني :
"ما أيسر ما يجد المرء العيش، عندما لا يضع العيش أولاً وقبل كل شيء نصب عينيه"
"إن الإنسان هو دائماً أكثر من حيوان. ومع أن هذا الإنسان فد يفقد عقله، وقد لا يستطيع الكلام أو الاتصال بأحد، إلا أن العنصر الإنساني لا يزال فيه، ولا يزال هو عضواً في العائلة البشرية"

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pearl Buck’s memoir about her mentally disabled daughter was the first time an American celebrity had publicly acknowledged having a family member with special needs. That alone makes the book worth reading, along with the foreword and afterword in this edition that further explains the context and the role this child played in inspiring Pearl Buck’s writing career and charitable work. Buck perfectly describes the slow dreadful awareness that comes over a mother as she gradually realizes something is wrong with her child. This part is still very relevant for contemporary parents; the justification for the author’s decision to institutionalize her daughter however is jarring and depressing to read. Most readers today are going to side with Buck’s Chinese friends who tell her it’s abominable to remove a child from her family and put her in an institution for life.

Towards the end of the book Buck makes an eloquent case for the right to life of every child, no matter how disabled. This book inspired other parents to advocate for their children with special needs to be able to be raised at home with their families and educated alongside ordinary children.