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The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, Improve Your Relationships, and Enhance Self-Esteem
Although life was physically more difficult in the days of the horse and carriage, we complained much less back then, and when we did, our complaints were more likely to get results. Today we complain about everything--yet do so with remarkable ineffectiveness. Most of us grumble, vent, and kvetch, neither expecting nor getting meaningful resolutions. Wasting prodigious amounts of time and energy on unproductive complaints can take an emotional and psychological toll on our moods and well-being. We desperately need to relearn the art of complaining effectively.
Psychotherapist Guy Winch offers practical and psychologically grounded advice on how to determine what to complain about and what to let slide. He demonstrates how to convey our complaints in ways that encourage cooperation and increase the likelihood of getting resolutions to our dissatisfactions. The principles he spells out apply whether we're dealing with a rude store clerk, a bureaucrat, a coworker, our teenager, or a spouse or partner who's driving us crazy.
Complaining constructively can be extremely empowering and it can significantly strengthen our personal, familial, and work relationships. Applying our new-found complaining skills to customer service representatives, corporate leaders, and elected officials increases the odds that our comments will be taken seriously. If we all complained more effectively, squeaky wheels could change our own lives as well as the world for the better.
Psychotherapist Guy Winch offers practical and psychologically grounded advice on how to determine what to complain about and what to let slide. He demonstrates how to convey our complaints in ways that encourage cooperation and increase the likelihood of getting resolutions to our dissatisfactions. The principles he spells out apply whether we're dealing with a rude store clerk, a bureaucrat, a coworker, our teenager, or a spouse or partner who's driving us crazy.
Complaining constructively can be extremely empowering and it can significantly strengthen our personal, familial, and work relationships. Applying our new-found complaining skills to customer service representatives, corporate leaders, and elected officials increases the odds that our comments will be taken seriously. If we all complained more effectively, squeaky wheels could change our own lives as well as the world for the better.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published January 4, 2011
114 people are currently reading
1136 people want to read
About the author
Guy Winch
5 books382 followersGuy Winch is a licensed psychologist, speaker, and author whose books have been translated into fourteen languages. He received a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from New York University in 1991 and he has a private practice in Manhattan. He writes The Squeaky Wheel blog for PsychologyToday.com and he also blogs for Huffington Post. On the occasional dark and moonlit night, you might find him performing stand-up comedy in New York City.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 58 reviews
May 2, 2011
Got this as a free book from Random House as part of the first reads giveaways. I am really enjoyed the book. It is well-written and extremely honest. The author, Guy Winch, has a PhD in psychology and the book deals with a new-ish field of pscyhology known as "complaining psychology" or "complaining therapy."
I like how the author illustrates the theories behind complaining therapy with anecdotes from his own practice and dealings with various patients. Winch shows how incompetent we have become at complaining effectively as individuals in our modern society and how the resulting negative psychological effects that incompetence results in has created a society that largely feels ineffectual and taken advantage of, resulting in many people being both paranoid and suspicious of the motivations of others in society.
I can plainly see these theories and their effects at work in the lives of my own family and friends: the feelings of dissatisfaction with the state of our society as a whole and general feelings of apathy and a lack of control over their own lives. Winch's premise appears to be to teach the reader to understand what lies behind that dissatisfaction and to learn skills to complain effectively and, as a result, improve self-esteem and eliminate feelings of powerlessness.
I like how the author illustrates the theories behind complaining therapy with anecdotes from his own practice and dealings with various patients. Winch shows how incompetent we have become at complaining effectively as individuals in our modern society and how the resulting negative psychological effects that incompetence results in has created a society that largely feels ineffectual and taken advantage of, resulting in many people being both paranoid and suspicious of the motivations of others in society.
I can plainly see these theories and their effects at work in the lives of my own family and friends: the feelings of dissatisfaction with the state of our society as a whole and general feelings of apathy and a lack of control over their own lives. Winch's premise appears to be to teach the reader to understand what lies behind that dissatisfaction and to learn skills to complain effectively and, as a result, improve self-esteem and eliminate feelings of powerlessness.
January 14, 2021
Książka w polskiej wersji ma niestety mylny tytuł. Tytuł oryginalny powinno się przetłumaczyć raczej jako - sztuka konstruktywnego narzekania. Z proszeniem to ma niewiele wspólnego. A szkoda, bo raczej miałam ochotę poduczyć się właśnie jak prosić o przysługi, a nie jak narzekać w sposób niosący efekty.
Jednak poza tym zarzutem nie była to zła książka - autor dobrze pokazał, że można i trzeba składać zażalenia na niefunkcjonujące lub źle funkcjonujące elementy rzeczywistości. Możemy w ten sposób coś aktywnie zmienić, a narzekanie do siebie, znajomych lub na forach internetowych niekoniecznie jest w stanie cokolwiek poprawić. Składając skuteczne skargi poprawiamy własne samopoczucie a także naprawiamy świat.
Także narzekajmy w sposób efektywny!
Jednak poza tym zarzutem nie była to zła książka - autor dobrze pokazał, że można i trzeba składać zażalenia na niefunkcjonujące lub źle funkcjonujące elementy rzeczywistości. Możemy w ten sposób coś aktywnie zmienić, a narzekanie do siebie, znajomych lub na forach internetowych niekoniecznie jest w stanie cokolwiek poprawić. Składając skuteczne skargi poprawiamy własne samopoczucie a także naprawiamy świat.
Także narzekajmy w sposób efektywny!
November 25, 2019
really enjoyed - the stories were funny or interesting and the psych around avoiding victimization was well done. Plus the anecdotes really showed the different situations that happen from too much or not enough complaining/ action-taking.
Quotes:
The combination of these two perceptions and feelings, powerlessness and lack of fairness, often results in lingering feelings of victimization. Victimization as well as humiliation and shame are often extremely damaging to our global self-esteem. However, complaining, speaking up, and pro-actively following through can reverse the effects of victimization, especially if we are successful in doing so. Taking appropriate action and complaining can literally undo lingering feelings of helplessness and hopelessness more effectively than years of psychotherapy. However, the only thing that can undo feelings of victimization is making sure our complaints get resolved.
Signature strengths are those parts of ourselves that are unique, that we can connect with, and that we find extremely fulfilling. They are usually stable traits, talents we can choose either to exercise or to ignore... Seligman recommends we identify the signature strengths with which we feel most comfortable and incorporate them into our lives however and whenever we can. Doing so is one of the keys to experiencing authentic happiness.
When starting complaining therapy it is best to gain some practice with effective complaining skills by choosing a simple and comparatively easy to resolve complaint.
On chronic complainers:
The specific roles we give ourselves in our stories as well as those we give others and the functions and abilities we attribute to ourselves and others in our narratives all shape our perceptions of who we are. By complaining excessively we construct a narrative of our lives in which we inhabit the role of someone who is hurt, helpless, or victimized. The more dominant complaints become in our lives the more we cast ourselves in victim roles. The longer we stay in these roles the more they become our identities.
There is a crucial moment - a point of no return - for which we must always remain vigilant. The corner is turned the instant our friends' support turns from compassion to pity. It is turned the moment those around us began to think of us as victims.... It is always extremely detrimental to accept pity from others and accept victimhood. By succumbing to the special attention pity offers us, the lowered expectations, and other secondary gains associated with being objects of others' sorrow we become victims in our own eyes as well as those of others...Pity is toxic to our mental health.
Chronic complainers never see themselves as negative. They see the world as negative and themselves as merely reacting to it appropriately.
Note: Complaint sandwich: ear opener, complaint, digestive. Positive wrapping around complaint to stop defensive.
Quotes:
The combination of these two perceptions and feelings, powerlessness and lack of fairness, often results in lingering feelings of victimization. Victimization as well as humiliation and shame are often extremely damaging to our global self-esteem. However, complaining, speaking up, and pro-actively following through can reverse the effects of victimization, especially if we are successful in doing so. Taking appropriate action and complaining can literally undo lingering feelings of helplessness and hopelessness more effectively than years of psychotherapy. However, the only thing that can undo feelings of victimization is making sure our complaints get resolved.
Signature strengths are those parts of ourselves that are unique, that we can connect with, and that we find extremely fulfilling. They are usually stable traits, talents we can choose either to exercise or to ignore... Seligman recommends we identify the signature strengths with which we feel most comfortable and incorporate them into our lives however and whenever we can. Doing so is one of the keys to experiencing authentic happiness.
When starting complaining therapy it is best to gain some practice with effective complaining skills by choosing a simple and comparatively easy to resolve complaint.
On chronic complainers:
The specific roles we give ourselves in our stories as well as those we give others and the functions and abilities we attribute to ourselves and others in our narratives all shape our perceptions of who we are. By complaining excessively we construct a narrative of our lives in which we inhabit the role of someone who is hurt, helpless, or victimized. The more dominant complaints become in our lives the more we cast ourselves in victim roles. The longer we stay in these roles the more they become our identities.
There is a crucial moment - a point of no return - for which we must always remain vigilant. The corner is turned the instant our friends' support turns from compassion to pity. It is turned the moment those around us began to think of us as victims.... It is always extremely detrimental to accept pity from others and accept victimhood. By succumbing to the special attention pity offers us, the lowered expectations, and other secondary gains associated with being objects of others' sorrow we become victims in our own eyes as well as those of others...Pity is toxic to our mental health.
Chronic complainers never see themselves as negative. They see the world as negative and themselves as merely reacting to it appropriately.
Note: Complaint sandwich: ear opener, complaint, digestive. Positive wrapping around complaint to stop defensive.
July 23, 2016
I found this listening book to be a lot more interesting than I originally imagined. (Also, the reader is delightful). It not only talks about the right way to complain, but also the necessity of complaining, complaining correctly. Plus, it really shows what it's like to be a sales clerk, customer server. I find myself trying to pay attention more when dealing with "servers" especially on the phone.
I highly recommend this book. Kids should probably be reading it in school! :)
I highly recommend this book. Kids should probably be reading it in school! :)
August 25, 2014
A quick and interesting read about complaining that reads more like fiction. Excellent for complete novices, but still interesting for those who know a bit about the subject.
Admittedly, there were parts that felt very "after-school special", and other sections where I questioned why they were added to the book. But all the stories helped make the information memorable and easy to digest, and the other content was interesting too.
Admittedly, there were parts that felt very "after-school special", and other sections where I questioned why they were added to the book. But all the stories helped make the information memorable and easy to digest, and the other content was interesting too.
January 3, 2011
Watch The Squeaky Wheel Trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TgoDC...
I truly hope people enjoy reading The Squeaky Wheel as much as I enjoyed writing it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TgoDC...
I truly hope people enjoy reading The Squeaky Wheel as much as I enjoyed writing it.
February 24, 2020
I bought this book probably more than 10 years ago but somehow had not got to read it in the meantime. Guy is a psychologist who mainly focuses on couples therapy so there were a lot of examples about that in the book. One of the main phenomena discussed throughout the book was victim mentality, how people drop into it and how to get out/avoid it. Using complaining (or mostly criticizing) only to vent out our emotional pressure is guaranteed to not get us to a better place. Most of the book was about examples and there was actually quite little theory presented.
I did like the concept of treating a complaint letter or call as a challenge with the aim to achieve the best possible result.
A complaint sandwich:
*The top slice of bread consists of an “ear-opener” which is designed to voice the complaint in a way that does not make the recipient automatically go on the defensive.
*The “meat” of the sandwich is where your request for resolution is served up more as asking for a favor rather than demanding action.
*The bottom slice of bread, called the “digestive,” serves to make the complaint more palatable to the recipient, thereby increasing their motivation to help.
“But there is a crucial moment, a point of no return, for which we must always remain vigilant. the corner is turned the instant our friends' support turns from compassion to pity. It is the moment those around us began to think of us as victims.
We must catch this transition when it happens because we must refuse their pity. We must reject it as if it is contaminated, because psychologically speaking, it is. Unless we are survivors of truly tragic circumstances or we have gone through authentic and terrible hardships, it is always extremely detrimental to accept pity from others and embrace victimhood. By succumbing to the special attention pity offers us, the convenience of lowered expectations, and other secondary gains associated with being objections of others' sorrow, we become victims in our own eyes as well as those of others.”
I did like the concept of treating a complaint letter or call as a challenge with the aim to achieve the best possible result.
A complaint sandwich:
*The top slice of bread consists of an “ear-opener” which is designed to voice the complaint in a way that does not make the recipient automatically go on the defensive.
*The “meat” of the sandwich is where your request for resolution is served up more as asking for a favor rather than demanding action.
*The bottom slice of bread, called the “digestive,” serves to make the complaint more palatable to the recipient, thereby increasing their motivation to help.
“But there is a crucial moment, a point of no return, for which we must always remain vigilant. the corner is turned the instant our friends' support turns from compassion to pity. It is the moment those around us began to think of us as victims.
We must catch this transition when it happens because we must refuse their pity. We must reject it as if it is contaminated, because psychologically speaking, it is. Unless we are survivors of truly tragic circumstances or we have gone through authentic and terrible hardships, it is always extremely detrimental to accept pity from others and embrace victimhood. By succumbing to the special attention pity offers us, the convenience of lowered expectations, and other secondary gains associated with being objections of others' sorrow, we become victims in our own eyes as well as those of others.”
April 6, 2019
No one likes chronic complainers, but when complaints are done right, they are opportunities to attain
improvements, both for the individual and for the public. The thesis of this book “is that our complaints can be resolved, they do matter, and taking action to pursue them is better than falling into passivity and helplessness.”
Most people don’t know how to complain effectively, however,
and this book provides useful guidance. Common mistakes
complainers make are these:
* Complaining to someone who has no authority to fix the
problem.
* Phrasing requests in the form of complaints, which isn’t a
good way to get the help we seek.
* Complaining solely to vent emotions, not to seek redress.
Research shows that 95 percent of disgruntled consumers never complain to the company responsible for their dissatisfaction.
In their personal life, people may fail to share with their partners reasons for dissatisfaction. In both cases, failing to complain to
the right person prevents them from attaining a resolution. Companies and individuals won’t change if they don’t hear about the problems.
Unhappy customers don’t complain because they assume it won’t do any good. They are engaging in self-fulfilling and self-defeating behavior that leaves them feeling helpless. When the
problem is a rude or incompetent employee, customers should realize it often takes several complaints before a bad worker isterminated; ineffective complaining keeps rude people on the
job.
Winch gives good advice about how to complain:
* Never voice more than one complaint at a time. That requires us to decide which one of our dissatisfactions to focus on.
* Be sure to identify exactly what we hope to gain by complaining; if the potential gain would be much less than the
expected costs of complaining at that time, then it’s best to postpone it.
* Recognize that complaints always come with dangers, some of which can’t be anticipated. On the other hand,
undercomplaining can also be risky, both psychologically and, when it involves doctors, physically.
* Avoid expressing anger in the complaint, no matter how justified the complainer feels the anger is. Anger gets attention, but it distracts from the essence of the complaint.
* Since people often postpone complaining until they reach the
boiling point, however, the temptation is strong to vent. A better
approach than venting is a poker face to hide or suppress our emotions. We can also try reframing the situation in our minds
so it has less of an emotional impact on us; there is likely some positive side if we search for it. Reframing or reappraising has been shown more effective than suppression in decreasing negative emotions.
* The best way to motivate another person to help us resolve our problem is to present our complaint in as palatable a way as we can. Consider things from the recipient’s point of view People
prefer to help those who treat them respectfully, while surreptitiously dragging their feet for those who insult them.
* All of us tend to respond defensively when confronted with complaints. Consequently, “a compliment ought to always precede a complaint, where one is possible,” advised Mark Twain, “because it softens resentment and insures for the complaint a courteous and gentle reception."
* Next comes the meat of the complaint and the request for redress.
* The final slice of bread should be a final spoonful of sugar that makes the medicine go down and reduces the likelihood of our complaint being dismissed outright.
* Make eye contact, though not with an angry glare.
* Remember that the complaint is actually an appeal for cooperation. When people are in a good mood, they’re more likely to be cooperative. One way to elicit receptivity is to offer an authentic smile. This approach is useful when dealing both in the marketplace and in the home.
The four common mistakes in communicating
with loved ones are generalized criticism (instead of addressing a specific issue), defensiveness, withdrawal, and contempt.
Winch recommends that parents limit complaints and directives to no more than one-fifth of their communication with teens, who tend to withdraw or get emotional in the face of repeated
complaining. Effective complaining strengthens relationships, Winch says.
How a couple handles complaints is a good barometer of the health of their relationship.
How we receive complaints from loved ones matters. Winch urges us to resist our natural inclination to defensiveness. He recommends we always allow the partner to finish speaking
without interruption, even when we may disagree.
People complain when they are angry, frustrated or disappointed, and
cutting them off in midstream would only make them more so. Allowing them to vent can make it easier to calm down later when it’s our turn to present our view. Being sympathetic to our partner’s distress may lead them to reciprocate.
When responding, start by repeating their complaint. This indicates how well we listen and understand. It reflects respect for their view and provides emotional validation. It gives them opportunity to correct our (mis)understanding, which prevents us from arguing about the wrong thing.
After doing the above, we can disagree if appropriate. Handling complaints to
someone’s satisfaction increases loyalty, whether to a company or a partner.
People feel less frustration and more in control of their lives when they can obtain redress for their complaints. Redress is more likely when we follow Winch’s rules. ###
improvements, both for the individual and for the public. The thesis of this book “is that our complaints can be resolved, they do matter, and taking action to pursue them is better than falling into passivity and helplessness.”
Most people don’t know how to complain effectively, however,
and this book provides useful guidance. Common mistakes
complainers make are these:
* Complaining to someone who has no authority to fix the
problem.
* Phrasing requests in the form of complaints, which isn’t a
good way to get the help we seek.
* Complaining solely to vent emotions, not to seek redress.
Research shows that 95 percent of disgruntled consumers never complain to the company responsible for their dissatisfaction.
In their personal life, people may fail to share with their partners reasons for dissatisfaction. In both cases, failing to complain to
the right person prevents them from attaining a resolution. Companies and individuals won’t change if they don’t hear about the problems.
Unhappy customers don’t complain because they assume it won’t do any good. They are engaging in self-fulfilling and self-defeating behavior that leaves them feeling helpless. When the
problem is a rude or incompetent employee, customers should realize it often takes several complaints before a bad worker isterminated; ineffective complaining keeps rude people on the
job.
Winch gives good advice about how to complain:
* Never voice more than one complaint at a time. That requires us to decide which one of our dissatisfactions to focus on.
* Be sure to identify exactly what we hope to gain by complaining; if the potential gain would be much less than the
expected costs of complaining at that time, then it’s best to postpone it.
* Recognize that complaints always come with dangers, some of which can’t be anticipated. On the other hand,
undercomplaining can also be risky, both psychologically and, when it involves doctors, physically.
* Avoid expressing anger in the complaint, no matter how justified the complainer feels the anger is. Anger gets attention, but it distracts from the essence of the complaint.
* Since people often postpone complaining until they reach the
boiling point, however, the temptation is strong to vent. A better
approach than venting is a poker face to hide or suppress our emotions. We can also try reframing the situation in our minds
so it has less of an emotional impact on us; there is likely some positive side if we search for it. Reframing or reappraising has been shown more effective than suppression in decreasing negative emotions.
* The best way to motivate another person to help us resolve our problem is to present our complaint in as palatable a way as we can. Consider things from the recipient’s point of view People
prefer to help those who treat them respectfully, while surreptitiously dragging their feet for those who insult them.
* All of us tend to respond defensively when confronted with complaints. Consequently, “a compliment ought to always precede a complaint, where one is possible,” advised Mark Twain, “because it softens resentment and insures for the complaint a courteous and gentle reception."
* Next comes the meat of the complaint and the request for redress.
* The final slice of bread should be a final spoonful of sugar that makes the medicine go down and reduces the likelihood of our complaint being dismissed outright.
* Make eye contact, though not with an angry glare.
* Remember that the complaint is actually an appeal for cooperation. When people are in a good mood, they’re more likely to be cooperative. One way to elicit receptivity is to offer an authentic smile. This approach is useful when dealing both in the marketplace and in the home.
The four common mistakes in communicating
with loved ones are generalized criticism (instead of addressing a specific issue), defensiveness, withdrawal, and contempt.
Winch recommends that parents limit complaints and directives to no more than one-fifth of their communication with teens, who tend to withdraw or get emotional in the face of repeated
complaining. Effective complaining strengthens relationships, Winch says.
How a couple handles complaints is a good barometer of the health of their relationship.
How we receive complaints from loved ones matters. Winch urges us to resist our natural inclination to defensiveness. He recommends we always allow the partner to finish speaking
without interruption, even when we may disagree.
People complain when they are angry, frustrated or disappointed, and
cutting them off in midstream would only make them more so. Allowing them to vent can make it easier to calm down later when it’s our turn to present our view. Being sympathetic to our partner’s distress may lead them to reciprocate.
When responding, start by repeating their complaint. This indicates how well we listen and understand. It reflects respect for their view and provides emotional validation. It gives them opportunity to correct our (mis)understanding, which prevents us from arguing about the wrong thing.
After doing the above, we can disagree if appropriate. Handling complaints to
someone’s satisfaction increases loyalty, whether to a company or a partner.
People feel less frustration and more in control of their lives when they can obtain redress for their complaints. Redress is more likely when we follow Winch’s rules. ###
May 19, 2020
Let me save you the time: don't be a jerk to customer service associates, their lives are hard enough.
February 19, 2018
Good book. It provided enough of a variety of topics so it didn't come across as repeating the same material over and over. The author talked about complaining effectively by using a "complaint sandwich" to put people in the mood to help solve problems, rather than go on the defensive. The book covered subjects such as complaining to call center employees (businesses), complaining as social activism, and complaining to loved ones. If you've ever felt that you complain about something and just end up wasting your time because you don't get the results that you want, this book can provide some good food for thought.
December 29, 2012
Very clever, witty, writer. Enjoyed this book immensely and gathered many tips on how to complain effectively. Sorry that the book is on hold and have to return it already. I will take it out again later and possibly do a speech on this at Toastmasters.
July 7, 2013
While interesting a lot of the information seemed knew that, knew that type of thing, maybe I just read too much...or I'm squweak-key, oh yeah.
April 3, 2018
This seems like a useful book, but, man, about the first half felt like padding. (Did you know that people feel bad or get stressed from unresolved complaints?) There was an awful lot of reference to a thing....I'll address that later. Like, why not now? It's not like you were saying anything important.
He also seems to have a greater tolerance for tilting at windmills than most people - he criticizes someone for giving up after they had the cable company out to his place *twice* and failed to resolve it. "Only twice!" he says, as if taking the day off work to sit around and wait for the cable guy who then didn't fix anything was trivial.
So. He has maybe a couple chapters of useful advice in there, most of which is common sense. (Persistence, don't write letters when you're angry, compliment sandwich.) And he did inspire me to bitch about a bad customer service experience I had, which actually was resolved, so yay? But mostly not as exciting as I guess I secretly hoped. Alas.
He also seems to have a greater tolerance for tilting at windmills than most people - he criticizes someone for giving up after they had the cable company out to his place *twice* and failed to resolve it. "Only twice!" he says, as if taking the day off work to sit around and wait for the cable guy who then didn't fix anything was trivial.
So. He has maybe a couple chapters of useful advice in there, most of which is common sense. (Persistence, don't write letters when you're angry, compliment sandwich.) And he did inspire me to bitch about a bad customer service experience I had, which actually was resolved, so yay? But mostly not as exciting as I guess I secretly hoped. Alas.
November 20, 2022
Guy Winch is one of my favorite author; however, I still have to give this book a 3 star rating. The book has listed out lots of scienetific evidence and stories to back up the author's points regarding what constitutes effective complains, how to pull them out effectively, which should stop at about a half of the book. On the bright side, there are still valid points taking away and I can apply them into my daily life (Spoilers alert):
- An effective away to give the complain is the sandwich feedback. You should work thoroughly with the opener and the digestive well when it comes to complain to your family.
- Never complain in angry
- If you dont complain to other what you dont like about the way they treat you, such wrongdoings would continue.
- Complain one things at a time, so choose your complaints wisely
- Maintain eye contact when do the complaining.
- Choose when to ask for help/complain when other are in good mood.
- An effective away to give the complain is the sandwich feedback. You should work thoroughly with the opener and the digestive well when it comes to complain to your family.
- Never complain in angry
- If you dont complain to other what you dont like about the way they treat you, such wrongdoings would continue.
- Complain one things at a time, so choose your complaints wisely
- Maintain eye contact when do the complaining.
- Choose when to ask for help/complain when other are in good mood.
July 10, 2019
As always Guy Winch has a way of making sense out of our shame, passivity, and other vulnerable emotions that naturally emerge when we are not equipped with the right tools to process them in a healthy way. Compassionate and thought-provoking, Winch emphasizes with our frustrations when we are met with inattentive cable company representatives and other related situations where we spend a lot of time "venting" about them and wishing we could change them.
We talk a lot about the need to be better in spite of our circumstances. Winch is one of those rare therapists out there who actually teaches us how to do so.
Without giving too much away, the premise has to do with the "complaint sandwich", which is as unappetizing as it sounds but something we'd all be better off in our adult lives if we learned how to properly make.
We talk a lot about the need to be better in spite of our circumstances. Winch is one of those rare therapists out there who actually teaches us how to do so.
Without giving too much away, the premise has to do with the "complaint sandwich", which is as unappetizing as it sounds but something we'd all be better off in our adult lives if we learned how to properly make.
May 5, 2021
Good advice but not compelling
The advice is good, but the examples and analysis seem shallow. There are many short sections where ideas are introduced. I think there are so many suggestions that they start to drown each other out.
There is humor, but it does not come across easily in the text. I read this book after listening to an interview with the author and listening to his podcast, so I already knew the cadence of his speech and his style of jokes. It was only by imagining his voice could the humor come through, otherwise it fell flat.
Honestly I doubt I would have finished the book had I not listened to his podcast.
The advice is good, but the examples and analysis seem shallow. There are many short sections where ideas are introduced. I think there are so many suggestions that they start to drown each other out.
There is humor, but it does not come across easily in the text. I read this book after listening to an interview with the author and listening to his podcast, so I already knew the cadence of his speech and his style of jokes. It was only by imagining his voice could the humor come through, otherwise it fell flat.
Honestly I doubt I would have finished the book had I not listened to his podcast.
September 20, 2022
Another helpful and concise book on emotional regulation as expected from Winch. He provides advise that is easy to say but can be difficult to do. (All without couching it in obscure jargon.)
The book extrapolates the obvious "control your anger before making a complaint" to the less obvious "letters written in neat handwriting or printed with legible font and color are given more credibility". He points out the common flaws in human perception and gives everyday scenarios in which we all fall prey to human folly.
The book extrapolates the obvious "control your anger before making a complaint" to the less obvious "letters written in neat handwriting or printed with legible font and color are given more credibility". He points out the common flaws in human perception and gives everyday scenarios in which we all fall prey to human folly.
March 4, 2020
Please read this book. Because Complaining is misunderstood it is often either underused or misused in our society, to our great detriment.
I am so glad I read this. It was the missing toolkit in my arsenal of communication skills. Furthermore, after reading this book I realize that Complaining is misunderstood it is often either underused or misused in our society, to our great detriment.
I am so glad I read this. It was the missing toolkit in my arsenal of communication skills. Furthermore, after reading this book I realize that Complaining is misunderstood it is often either underused or misused in our society, to our great detriment.
October 9, 2022
There are a couple of good lessons here (particularly how to beat learned helplessness and successfully complain in a relationship), but it really feels like a bit of a grab bag of self-help topics. Other people might enjoy this more than me, but I really found the author's bougie New Yorker persona grating after a couple of chapters. He's just a little too mean, a little too status obsessed, and a little too consumerist for my tastes.
November 24, 2020
I am surprised how the author managed to write such a long book around the subject of complaints. Unfortunately among all the anecdotes and topics, which are very loosely related to complaining, there is very little actually useful information. And the author does not understand how couples and attraction work.
January 28, 2025
I feel like you have to push through the first half of the book and then it gets good (hence why it took me so long to finish it). I feel like the book could’ve been shorter, as some parts are hardly covering the topic of the book. Nonetheless 4 stars, as I find this book interesting, with examples of each case, which makes them easier to understand.
November 9, 2019
Brilliant, interesting and funny. Very insightful and most needed in this day and time when so many things around are less in quality where they should be and we are getting more and more frustrated and bad at expressing our frustration. Provides a road map to get out of this helpless cycle.
March 15, 2020
I got so much out of this book than I expected. It’s a fascinating new way to approach things that bother you, not just ‘customer service’ complaints, but in your personal life as well. It’s a book I’ll be referring to many times in the future!
September 6, 2020
Türkçesi şikayet terapisi. Ağlayıp sızlanmak yerine nasıl etkili şikayetler yapılacağını anlatan bir kitap. Şikayetimizin olumlu sonuçlarının özgüvenimize katkısı büyük. Ama gereksiz uzun. 200 sayfada bitebilirdi sanki. Yine de mutlaka okunması gereken bir kitap .
November 7, 2018
Most of us complain... a lot. Guy has given some tips on making it count. Well written and concise.
November 20, 2019
Guy Winch gives insightful cues on how to effectively resolve issues rather than unproductively complaining about them to the wrong people.
January 27, 2020
Very pragmatic strategies to deal with uncomfortable situations and make real change while helping others as well.
January 26, 2021
Must read for everyone with or without social media accounts
October 23, 2022
Perfect book to help me take an active role in working to resolve some issues i’ve been encountering at work and in my relationships
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