Process: Finding my way through

by Lucy Spraggan

'A memoir of great power and emotional honesty. To read this book is to be in awe of Spraggan's strength in writing it.' Elizabeth Day

By the age of twenty, Lucy Spraggan had already experienced more extraordinary things than many do across a lifetime. Growing up in a creative household, surrounded by artists, alcohol and raucous parties, by her late teens she had played pubs, clubs and festivals, fallen in love with an older woman on a US road trip, experimented with drink and drugs, and been in and out of police custody.

When her X Factor audition went viral in 2012, Lucy became the bookies' favourite to win the show. She was the first contestant ever to write and perform her own original songs, refusing to be pigeonholed by stylists and producers. Viewers fell for her unmanufactured, anti-pop princess stance, and the tabloids loved her.

Then, suddenly, mid-way through the live shows, Lucy dropped out. The public were told Lucy was unwell.

Now, for the first time, Lucy is ready to tell her story, in her own words.

Process is a book about the vicious impact of trauma across a lifetime; it is about Lucy's successes and mistakes, her journey towards sobriety, calm and something like peace. Most of all, Process is an extraordinary story about a gifted artist and an expose of the toxic underbelly of noughties celebrity culture and reality TV.

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Memoir, Biography, Music, Queer

310 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 20, 2023

Reviews

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a powerful and moving biography by Lucy Spraggan who, whilst a contestant on the UK version of the TV talent show 'The X Factor' in 2012, was raped in her hotel room by a porter at the hotel. The incident left her severely scarred emotionally and only now, some 10 years on, has she felt able to write about her experience.
Lucy is candid about her disturbed childhood and how she acted, and acted out, both at home and in school environments and is also totally open about her various periods of heavy alcohol and drug use, her suicide attempts post-2012 and her relationship issues. It is heartwarming to read an autobiography where the author 'pulls no punches' and is totally accepting of her own contribution to her problems without attempting any self-justification. It is also clear that the various production companies involved in making the show made a significant contribution to allowing this attack to happen by isolating her and another contestant (Rylan Clarke) at a different hotel without any proper security and then failing to give her any counselling or mental health support in the aftermath. Even 10 years on, when she advised the companies that she was writing her memoir and asked for their comments/observations, most appeared to be fairly dismissive of the concerns she raised and what she had been through, ITV referring to her rape as 'an unhappy experience'!! Perhaps surprisingly, and given that he was not directly involved in that year's X Factor filming, only Simon Cowell had the decency to apologise to Lucy personally for what she had gone through - the result of which has been a firm friendship between the two.
Lucy also exposed the manipulation of the contestants by the production companies during filming. I actually recall watching that year's show and thought that it appeared even more 'manipulative' than previous years - indeed, once Lucy was no longer a part of the show (reportedly because she was 'ill') and then Ella Henderson was voted off (which was a travesty to me), I stopped watching the show for the remainder of that year, thinking it was all 'fixed'.
Shame about several typos (missing words, spurious words, words out of order) which the editors should have picked up and which were a bit annoying but this didn't detract too much from my enjoyment of the book (if you can 'enjoy' such a horrendous story) and the great empathy I feel for Lucy after all she has gone through, coupled with great respect for what she has managed to achieve despite everything - 9.5/10.

[Renae · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a truly beautiful memoir. Thank you, Lucy.

I've been a fan since Lucy was on the X Factor. Throughout her journey, running, fighting and cold swimming towards sobriety, I've been even more in love with this inspirational woman. But there is so much that I didn't know in this memoir. I can't believe how much she has been through and my heart goes out to her.

I think memoirs are such important reads; as well as giving me things I needed to hear on a personal level, Process taught me new things about topics I knew less about. Most obviously here, it's the talent show industry. However, Lucy also words some things in such a unique and new perspective on other areas. The ferrero/raffaelo analogy for gender identity is so simple, yet so genius.

I listened to the audiobook and my heart broke at the times Lucy cried. She is fantastic at reading her story and I recommend it wholly.

They're just paper cuts; we're unsinkable 💛

[Lmao · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this .

[Rachael Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw, real and unapologetically personal 💙

[Laaauraaa Normz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I haven’t read many Biographies. However, I remember being absolutely blown away by Lucy’s song on her first Xfactor audition and can remember how truly amazing the song words were.. I later went on to listen to all of her albums, all of the songs being equally as impressive and original- no songs are like them.

Onto this book that she has written, I love how the songs from her album are incorporated within the book, it is so great to see where the songs stem from at what point in her life.. as I know the songs by words I was able to even really hear the songs/her voice in my head as I was reading the lyrics on the page.

On Page 23 - Lucy mentions about how she felt as a child to be trapped in what she felt like was the wrong body and she went on to explain it by relating it to a Ferrero Rocher. I thought this was just amazing. As someone who is unable to relate to this I felt that this was a great way to explain to those of us who aren’t able to say how this could possibly feel. Really well written & explained.

It’s incredible to see how much trauma someone can go through in their life and still have the strength to drag themselves through and carry on. Some massive failings on behalf of duty of care towards Lucy during her time on the X Factor. But I’m so pleased she got at least some form of closure by the phone call with Simon and the bond that she now has with him I hope goes some way to help her recover from the trauma that she has been through.

Towards the end of the book Lucy suggests about the grounding techniques that she uses and I honestly think this might be something that I will take away from this book!

I would recommend this book.

[Alexis Taft · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a well written book, I couldn’t put it down. Ive know of Lucy since she was on X Factor ive also had the joy of seeing her live, photographing and meeting her.

Im one of those that didn’t know why she left the X factor. So Its absolutely heartbreaking to read the real reason for her abrupt exit and how disgustingly she was treated, Also totally shocked by the way they covered it up.

The strength and courage that Lucy had to write what she has in this book. To share her deapest darkest stories as well as her more positive and light hearted ones is incredible.

Absolutely loved reading this incredible book, so real, true, raw and very inspiring. Thank you LUCY for sharing your story.

[Paul Finlay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Couldn’t put this down, it’s been years since I’ve read a book so quickly. Finished it within 72 hours of arrival (would have been quicker if not for work and family commitments!).

Like many others, I’ve been a fan of Lucy’s since her X factor audition aired. This book blows the lid off the show’s workings and, unfortunately, it doesn’t make for pleasant reading. It’s not all about the X factor though, and the other chapters are equally riveting. They also make you think about your own mind and actions too.

Thank you so much for sharing your story Lucy.

[Phil Hodgkiss · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oddly I had never heard of Lucy Spraggan but having now read her book feel like I have known her for many years.
A heart warming story of the many trials and tribulations she has gone through in her life.
Well worth reading this story.

[Vanessa Ingle · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very powerful and honest read . Lucy should be so very proud of how far she has come . This book is an inspiration.

[Teddy · Rating 5 out of 5]

OBSESSED

[Stacey Wheatley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you for sharing your story Lucy. This book was incredible.

[Deborah Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Lucy’s music and have seen her live twice so was really keen to read this book . I listened to this book on audible narrated by Lucy herself.
This account is so honest and raw. It will have you laughing one minute and wanting to cry the next. From start to finish I was in awe of Lucy’s courage, spirit and determination.

[Ruth F · Rating 5 out of 5]

Poignant, honest, heart-wrenching. An incredibly brave account of such a strong woman's story

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a well written autobiography, equally funny and heartbreaking at the same time! A very powerful read and in depth look into the impact of drugs, alcohol, family, relationships and sexual assault. As well as how reality TV treats it's contestants and how things need to change. Highly recommend!

[Ang · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 🌟

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heart wrenchingly beautiful memoir. A must read

[Fiona · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5/5

[Harry Mitchell · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Sophie Kemp-Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have never sobbed so much through a book

[Effy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t normally give autobiographies a star rating but this deserves every, single one. I’ve been a fan of Lucy and her music since her x-factor days and have loved following her journey but since hearing her story, my heart goes out to her and I feel immensely proud.

PROCESS looks at the behind the scenes of a reality music show and Lucy’s career in music, but it’s also so much more: it’s her childhood, her experience growing up as Max, the impact her friendships and family had on her life, her trauma (NB: content inc. suicide, sexual assault and substance abuse), the horrific treatment she received on the x-factor, her travels and, VERY importantly, her beautiful dog Steven.

𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙢𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙨𝙨, 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙫𝙞𝙫𝙚.

This was narrated by Lucy herself, and she has such a way with words. The ferrero rocher/raffaello analogy of gender was so simple and yet so powerful 👏🏽 It was very eye-opening to hear her talk about how different her life might have been, had she grown up in a time more accepting of non binary/trans. The letters to her younger self were so touching, and I loved the inclusion of her lyrics + learning what point in life she was at when she wrote different songs. The meaning behind them adds a whole new impact to the lyrics and I especially loved the story behind one of my favourites 𝘁𝗲𝗮 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼𝗮𝘀𝘁.

This book made me bawl my eyes out on more than one occasion + gave me goosebumps multiple times. Thank you Lucy for opening your heart to us and sharing your story🖤

𝒆𝒇𝒇𝒚 @𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒃𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 🥀

[Tanya · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I found out about Lucy's book I immediately downloaded it on Audible. I have been a huge fan of Lucy's since the X Factor days and being able to hear her side of the story from beginning to present was a privilege.

There are some tough moments in this book and some laugh out loud moments. She has lived an extraordinary life for someone who is 32 - the same age I am now and I cannot imagine going through what she has.

One of my favourite things about this book is the inclusion of song lyrics and where Lucy was in her life when she wrote specific songs. I have loved her music since the beginning but hearing the reasons behind some of the lyrics makes it extra special.

There's a lot of info on what happens behind the scenes of a reality TV show and while it wasn't surprising it was disappointing to hear. There is a blatant disregard for people in that industry and it's a vicious cycle that doesn't seem to change or end.

I was only about 1 hour into the audio book before I decided that this is one of my top 3 memoires of all time.

I hope Lucy is happy and living the life she deserves going forward.

[Charlotte Hay · Rating 4 out of 5]

A brutally honest, intimate read about many if not all the experiences that shaped the extremely talented songwriter that captured the attention of millions (including this reader) when she appeared on The X Factor in 2012. Long time listener and follower, so learning quite literally the Process, with all it's ups and downs was not only really enjoyable to line up with the music I've listened to for years, but also brought a huge sense of honor. It was a privilege to be invited in to every nook and cranny (some funny and so relatable it had me laughing out loud, some utterly devastating it brought tears to my eyes) that goes into the music, as well feeling like I'm receiving a lovely dose of life advice from a big sister in a "do as I say, not as I do" vibe.

Even for non-musical readers, this compelling read touches on really important subject matters from the grim reality of reality TV, to the challenges faced by LGBTQ+ in the wider world as well as the music industry, and shares a deeply personal journey with mental health issues and addiction which many readers can connect with on some or many levels. Excellent work Lucy x.

[🌶 peppersocks 🧦 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reflections and lessons learned/the content of this book made me feel…
“I’ve had to lie almost every day since… with each lie comes a flood of extremely painful memories…”

I didn’t watch this series of the X Factor as my Mom years were starting, but I thought that I kind of knew bits about it. As a result this was all a bit of a shocker. Spraggen strikes me as a person with her head screwed on - knows what she wants to try in life and appreciates that it doesn’t always work out without being naive about it. What happened in the time of the competition is just heartbreaking though. Duty of care is a difficult line to tread, especially with what’s come to light in the last few years about tv production companies, but ouch - morally lacking seems to be the best summary. A fighter though, and I’m glad that she was able to step forward and tell her perspective after all these years, despite the understandable multiple levels of hurt. Not just about the music

[Kellie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a powerful and moving biography by Lucy Spraggan. I've been a fan since lucy was on the x factor and love her music.

Lucy is candid about her disturbed childhood and how she acted out, both at home and in school environments, and she's totally open about her various periods of heavy alcohol and drugs use, her suicide attempts and her relationship issues.

Lucy is so inspirational it's incredible to see how much trauma someone can go through in their life and still have the strength to drag themselves through and carry on.

The strength and courage that lucy had to write what she has in this book, to share her darkest stories as well as her more positive and light-hearted ones, is incredible and so brave.

I absolutely loved reading this incredible book. It's so real, true, raw and very inspiring. Thankyou lucy for sharing your story. I highly recommend this book as its such a brilliant and incredible read.

[Stephen Quinn · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really interesting read. Been a big fan of her music since her first album after the X factor (I never watched her series, but like everyone I had seen her audition), so it was really fascinating and heartwarming reading about the way she first got into music and the people who helped her along the way. Lucy has really lived about 100 lives and you get to hear about all kinds of fun and the kindness of strangers. You also hear about the trauma and the pain that comes with encountering the evil people in this world, and the evil that seeps through the entertainment industry. She writes clearly and vividly about her own demons and the times where she was in the wrong. This book is very honest, heartbreaking, and uplifting. A fantastic read even if you don’t know her music, and an essential one to anyone who does - 10/10.

[Hannnah · Rating 5 out of 5]

It feels weird to have a rating system for a book, where a person has opened themselves up. I won’t say I was spraggans biggest fan, because that feels like I’m claiming to have listened to a lot more music than I have, but I did listen to her first album a lot when I was in high school, going through my own period of feeling like a bit of an alien and not fitting in. So much so, that I wanted to get a tea be toast sign tattooed so I’d always have a reminder that everything will be okay. And despite not listening to the album as much, I can still sing all the songs because I think I engrained it into my brain. So I was shocked to hear everything that happened. And the hopeful message at the end was beautiful. I cried to bits of this book, and smiled at the end. Thank you for sharing your story.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I remember watching the X Factor in its prime and instantly becoming a fan of Lucy - her creativity and dedication to her craft of songwriting was obvious even in a time of manufactured pop stars. I was so disappointed when she mysteriously dropped out of the live shows, it was reported she was sick and that was that. Now, she’s finally telling her story.

Lucy narrates her audiobook in a really interesting way, she is funny, serious and brutally honest from start to finish. It was interesting to read about her background through to her journey applying for one of the biggest talent shows in the country. What followed was a remarkable story including challenges with drugs and alcohol and navigating her newfound fame. I have followed Lucy’s career ever since and continue to enjoy her music to this day. I’m glad she is now in a much better place mentally physically and creatively.

[Ben Andrews · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a brilliant autobiography. I remember Lucy from X Factor, but never kept up with her journey. This whole book was openly and honesty written. The 'juicy' parts about her time on X Factor may be the main draw for readers but there is so much more to Lucy's story than just being that X Factor girl. The early chapters about her early years and finding her gender identity were brilliantly written. You will laugh during some stories she tells, cringe at others and feel heart broken during the rest.

This is a great read for any fans of Lucy Spraggan and even people who don't know much about her.

[Linzi White · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lucy’s raw, honest and harrowing story is made all the more captivating by her intriguing and descriptive style of story telling.
As a dedicated fan of Lucy’s music over the last decade since her famous X Factor audition, I am now even more devoted to supporting her career and journey. I listened to this on audiobook and the challenges she has overcome and continues to work through make her, already phenomenal, music and its topics that much more gripping.
She is a powerhouse of an artist and a sensational woman and I would encourage anyone to read/listen to this and defy them to not be in awe!

[Sam Fish · Rating 5 out of 5]

My first introduction to Lucy Spraggan was probably the same as most readers of this book: her X Factor audition. It blew me away and I followed her ever since. Her songs are brilliant and she is a great storyteller. So when I saw that she was writing a book, I knew I had to read it.

I never knew what really happened on the X Factor. I just wondered what sickness she had that made her sick for two weeks so she had to leave the show. I never thought it would be this heavy.

It's very brave to have written this book and next time I'll see her at a gig in The Netherlands, I will tell her I'm proud of her. Cause this could not have been easy.