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Stargonauts #2
Bikini Planet
In the swinging sixties, Las vegas rookie cop Wayne Norton was a straight arrow - though not exactly the sharpest one in the quiver. Then his girlfriend's mafioso father threw him into an experimental cryogenic sleep chamber - and forgot to leave a wake-up call. Wayne is revived 300 years later, in a world where nothing is as it seems, everyone treats him like an incompetent dolt, and he's very, very confused. All in all, not much has changed.
Now, drafted into the elite organization GalactiCop, Norton is sent into the middle of a ruthless war for dominion over the galaxy's most prozed vacation hot spot - and its babe-filled beaches. His weapons are a complete mystery to him. His training is terribly minimal. And his mission...
Well, he hasn't quite figured that one out yet....
Now, drafted into the elite organization GalactiCop, Norton is sent into the middle of a ruthless war for dominion over the galaxy's most prozed vacation hot spot - and its babe-filled beaches. His weapons are a complete mystery to him. His training is terribly minimal. And his mission...
Well, he hasn't quite figured that one out yet....
- GenresScience Fiction
279 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 2000
2 people are currently reading
40 people want to read
About the author
David S. Garnett
27 books8 followersDavid S. Garnett (born 1947) is a UK science fiction author and editor whose novels include Cosmic Carousel, Stargonauts and Bikini Planet. He edited a paperback anthology revival of Michael Moorcock's New Worlds magazine, two Zenith anthologies of original British SF stories, and three Orbit Science Fiction Yearbooks.
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
July 30, 2011
Ron's review
This book had a strong beginning and an intriguing premise of a man, Wayne Norton, from 1968 who is cryogenically frozen and revived 300 years later to a totally changed world. A world after 'the Crash' when technology failed, wiping out all the world's information and history because man had become so dependent on technology that the written word, books and paper were considered redundant.
"No trees, no paper. Apart from the most ancient and precious volumes, books were recycled for more basic human needs."
Norton wakes up and just accepts all the changes, including space travel and aliens. He barely questioned anything, since he saw it on television it just had to be true. How he got there, how the world got to this point and who are these strange beings and worlds, are simply accepted. These are things that most people would be asking a lot of questions about. The author, David Garnett, never explains things to the reader and things quickly continue downhill from there.
Norton's story gets interrupted by the introduction of a new character a woman named Kiru. It totally disrupted the flow of the story, it felt very unconnected and confusing making no sense or contribution to anything else in the book. Much too late in the book, the connection between the two characters is finally made; too little, too late.
Overall it felt like the author created this story but wasn't sure what to do with it, he added elements trying to stretch it out, as if hoping to find something that would work. The book never gels, it ambles on with no direction, no purpose, a confusing mishmash that I kept reading in hopes that it had to be going somewhere or get pulled together somehow. Books normally give you a sense of direction, taking the reader on a journey, fitting together pieces and characters as you go along, this book doesn't do that. Granted this was a farce, which maybe I just didn't get it, but you still need to guide the reader to some understanding. Sadly, the anticlimactic ending is a huge let down that leaves the reader shaking their head and thinking, "Is this it, seriously?!" Matter of fact Garnett gives the reader multiple endings, three of them, none of which are rewarding for the reader. The title has nothing to do with the book until the very end and adds nothing to the understanding of the book.
Writing this review was so frustratingly difficult, trying to explain how confusing and convoluted this book was and reminding me that I felt like I was lost in a void of nothingness. This is definitely a case of the book not living up to its cover. I gave it 1 star for the premise.
This book had a strong beginning and an intriguing premise of a man, Wayne Norton, from 1968 who is cryogenically frozen and revived 300 years later to a totally changed world. A world after 'the Crash' when technology failed, wiping out all the world's information and history because man had become so dependent on technology that the written word, books and paper were considered redundant.
"No trees, no paper. Apart from the most ancient and precious volumes, books were recycled for more basic human needs."
Norton wakes up and just accepts all the changes, including space travel and aliens. He barely questioned anything, since he saw it on television it just had to be true. How he got there, how the world got to this point and who are these strange beings and worlds, are simply accepted. These are things that most people would be asking a lot of questions about. The author, David Garnett, never explains things to the reader and things quickly continue downhill from there.
Norton's story gets interrupted by the introduction of a new character a woman named Kiru. It totally disrupted the flow of the story, it felt very unconnected and confusing making no sense or contribution to anything else in the book. Much too late in the book, the connection between the two characters is finally made; too little, too late.
Overall it felt like the author created this story but wasn't sure what to do with it, he added elements trying to stretch it out, as if hoping to find something that would work. The book never gels, it ambles on with no direction, no purpose, a confusing mishmash that I kept reading in hopes that it had to be going somewhere or get pulled together somehow. Books normally give you a sense of direction, taking the reader on a journey, fitting together pieces and characters as you go along, this book doesn't do that. Granted this was a farce, which maybe I just didn't get it, but you still need to guide the reader to some understanding. Sadly, the anticlimactic ending is a huge let down that leaves the reader shaking their head and thinking, "Is this it, seriously?!" Matter of fact Garnett gives the reader multiple endings, three of them, none of which are rewarding for the reader. The title has nothing to do with the book until the very end and adds nothing to the understanding of the book.
Writing this review was so frustratingly difficult, trying to explain how confusing and convoluted this book was and reminding me that I felt like I was lost in a void of nothingness. This is definitely a case of the book not living up to its cover. I gave it 1 star for the premise.
May 31, 2012
How the hell did this guy get Neil Gaiman to provide a promotional cover blurb for this... this... this... book?
I laughed once. At the end of Chapter 26 when Kiru finds out that vomiting on two aliens that look like grey beach balls is considered foreplay. Oh dear... I just gave away a spoiler.
And it has 3 endings. I'd just skip to the last one. It begins when he hands Kiru the ring... which is another spoiler of sorts.
Bikini Planet has no relation to the soft-core porn movie of the same name. In fact, the porn movie was probably more entertaining and funnier. And probably actually had babes clad in bikini's instead of fish.
I honestly tried to read this in the spirit it was written... as if the characters were a part of Futurama. It didn't work for very long. Maybe if I were 20 or more years younger, I'd have found this funny - especially seeing what passes for comedy these days on many "popular" TV shows.
Me? I'm going to send letters to Mr. Garnett and Terry Pratchett (Hmmm... similarities there) and tell them to read the entire body of works by Ron Goulart... who is actually funny and knows how to spoof sci-fi.
Maybe the joke was on the person who originally shelled out six bucks to buy this book instead of getting it off the discount rack at the used bookstore like I did.
I laughed once. At the end of Chapter 26 when Kiru finds out that vomiting on two aliens that look like grey beach balls is considered foreplay. Oh dear... I just gave away a spoiler.
And it has 3 endings. I'd just skip to the last one. It begins when he hands Kiru the ring... which is another spoiler of sorts.
Bikini Planet has no relation to the soft-core porn movie of the same name. In fact, the porn movie was probably more entertaining and funnier. And probably actually had babes clad in bikini's instead of fish.
I honestly tried to read this in the spirit it was written... as if the characters were a part of Futurama. It didn't work for very long. Maybe if I were 20 or more years younger, I'd have found this funny - especially seeing what passes for comedy these days on many "popular" TV shows.
Me? I'm going to send letters to Mr. Garnett and Terry Pratchett (Hmmm... similarities there) and tell them to read the entire body of works by Ron Goulart... who is actually funny and knows how to spoof sci-fi.
Maybe the joke was on the person who originally shelled out six bucks to buy this book instead of getting it off the discount rack at the used bookstore like I did.
October 14, 2010
I admit it. The blurb by Neil Gaiman amused me enough to buy this book. I notice in retrospect that he says nothing about the actual story.
Unfortunately, you spend most of this book doubting the veracity of any plot related information you receive. Or, in fact, any world related information you receive. Everybody is an unreliable narrator except, presumably, the two PoV characters. It's annoying in the same way that the conversation with the first year philosophy student is after he's discovered the idea that all evidence comes through your senses, which may be deceived. It doesn't help that nobody keeps the same name for more than two pages.
I spent .... probably the middle half of the book waiting to see if it got bad enough that I could justify putting it down. And then, the last quarter of the book, I did actually want to find out what happened so I finished it. So... that's a good thing, I guess.
Unfortunately, you spend most of this book doubting the veracity of any plot related information you receive. Or, in fact, any world related information you receive. Everybody is an unreliable narrator except, presumably, the two PoV characters. It's annoying in the same way that the conversation with the first year philosophy student is after he's discovered the idea that all evidence comes through your senses, which may be deceived. It doesn't help that nobody keeps the same name for more than two pages.
I spent .... probably the middle half of the book waiting to see if it got bad enough that I could justify putting it down. And then, the last quarter of the book, I did actually want to find out what happened so I finished it. So... that's a good thing, I guess.
January 10, 2010
This is, by far, the worst book I have ever read. I choose this book because the blurbs on the cover said it was the next "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." With that loftly comparison in mind, I sat down to read the book. There was no comparison, and the statement just highlighted the fact that this book was awful.
March 23, 2015
...and then, about 50 pages in, Garnett lost the plot.
I started writing a review of this book.
The flowers are late, because it's cold outside and winter won't let go.
Did you think this book made sense?
Oh, look... a butterfly.
OCD. ADHD. Because.
There are sex scenes in the book. Sort of.
Hey, it's sunny, but it's cold.
Hopefully, this review made more sense to you than the book.
I started writing a review of this book.
The flowers are late, because it's cold outside and winter won't let go.
Did you think this book made sense?
Oh, look... a butterfly.
OCD. ADHD. Because.
There are sex scenes in the book. Sort of.
Hey, it's sunny, but it's cold.
Hopefully, this review made more sense to you than the book.
November 3, 2022
I knew this book would be schlock going in. The title seemed so outrageous, I had to give it a try. I knew there had to be more to it than the titillating title. It has an oblique sense of humor, more Monty Python vs Red Dwarf or Black Adder, and I did laugh out loud in quite a few places. One was where the hero--Wayne Norton (that's funny enough, given that he's from Las Vegas) wakes up and doesn't remember exactly who he is and says his name is John Wayne. There is a whole section where he's quizzed about the Alamo--people in the future figure movies are actually documentaries--and then he meets his future boss who is Colonel Travis.
There were enough laughs I might have continued, but yesterday I went the whole day without picking up the book and found I didn't care if I ever got back to the book or not. So, I stopped at page 95, and tossed it in the sell box.
There were enough laughs I might have continued, but yesterday I went the whole day without picking up the book and found I didn't care if I ever got back to the book or not. So, I stopped at page 95, and tossed it in the sell box.
June 24, 2024
A Vegas cop gets cryogenically frozen in 1968 and is revived 300 years later. He is then sucked in to an oddball mission involving shapeshifters, naked women, fishmen wearing bikinis, a pleasure resort on am asteroid and space pirates.
This one starts off strong and linear, then just absolutely caves in towards the finale, where nothing really makes sense and becomes possibly too zany, to the point of even having three different endings. The two main protagonists spend 90% of the story naked or banging something someone or each other. The main characters are likeable enough, but even I didn't really give a shit about them towards the end.
It was a quick and jovial read however and it did have a lot of laughs, when it wasn't being desperately reaching for them.
This one starts off strong and linear, then just absolutely caves in towards the finale, where nothing really makes sense and becomes possibly too zany, to the point of even having three different endings. The two main protagonists spend 90% of the story naked or banging something someone or each other. The main characters are likeable enough, but even I didn't really give a shit about them towards the end.
It was a quick and jovial read however and it did have a lot of laughs, when it wasn't being desperately reaching for them.
March 17, 2013
Bikini Planet by David S. Garnett is a gem of a book worthy of the highest literary praise. The writing is amazing. I wouldn't be surprised is Garnett won many awards for this book. His writing style is so unique, words can't DESCRIBE the talent that is there. The plot is riveting. In fact, the story-line will leave you speechless. This book brought me to tears. I cannot describe the characterization of Wayne Norton or the page-turning dialogue. It's like nothing I've ever experienced before in a published book. You'll just have to find out for yourself how stunning this book really is.
Also, ^this^ was all sarcasm. But I do have fond memories of this book for two reasons:
-When I was first dating my husband, I wrote his name in the book and tried to put it on his bookshelf at his parents' house. HEHEHEHE. Unfortunately, I was caught because THAT would have been HILARIOUS.
-Later, when we got married, the book made an EXCELLENT support for a cat tree we had that couldn't quite reach the ceiling. Bikini Planet added just enough length to make it fit.
SO, if you are looking for a gag gift, OR a book to level a table, this book right here is five stars.
Also, ^this^ was all sarcasm. But I do have fond memories of this book for two reasons:
-When I was first dating my husband, I wrote his name in the book and tried to put it on his bookshelf at his parents' house. HEHEHEHE. Unfortunately, I was caught because THAT would have been HILARIOUS.
-Later, when we got married, the book made an EXCELLENT support for a cat tree we had that couldn't quite reach the ceiling. Bikini Planet added just enough length to make it fit.
SO, if you are looking for a gag gift, OR a book to level a table, this book right here is five stars.
August 27, 2012
A title in search of a plot, one that's never found. I sincerely hope Mr. Neil Gaiman was compensated well for writing the blurb, 'cause I feel suckered.
For a while I followed: the hideously inept protagonist, a niave detective, gets frozen for reasons that aren't ever made clear (yeah, the mob wanted him out of the way for a while. So no one ever unfroze him during all the issues that happened afterwards?) and wakes up in the distant future. He then has some wacky adventures with some space-misfits, occasionally using his 20th century know-how, but mostly just making a bigger mess of things.
If this sounds familiar, it should: it's a text version of Futurama, without the insight, jokes, nudges and fun. It's Buck Rogers without the camp or buckling of various swashes. It's what's left of the Hitchhiker's Guide once you've drained every cc of cleverness and joy from it.
Bottom line: don't even line the bird cage with this one.
For a while I followed: the hideously inept protagonist, a niave detective, gets frozen for reasons that aren't ever made clear (yeah, the mob wanted him out of the way for a while. So no one ever unfroze him during all the issues that happened afterwards?) and wakes up in the distant future. He then has some wacky adventures with some space-misfits, occasionally using his 20th century know-how, but mostly just making a bigger mess of things.
If this sounds familiar, it should: it's a text version of Futurama, without the insight, jokes, nudges and fun. It's Buck Rogers without the camp or buckling of various swashes. It's what's left of the Hitchhiker's Guide once you've drained every cc of cleverness and joy from it.
Bottom line: don't even line the bird cage with this one.
June 25, 2011
Bikini Planet (2000) by David Garnett.
I confess, I picked this up because I needed some light summer reading, and let's face it, the title made me chuckle. _Bikini Planet_ isn't bad, but halfway through, the tongue-tied 21 year old native Las Vegas cop suddenly morphs into a talkative British chap. Then Garnett leaves the reader with not one, not two, but *three* different endings to the story. Despite the title, I wouldn't recommend this as a "beach read."
(August 2007)
I confess, I picked this up because I needed some light summer reading, and let's face it, the title made me chuckle. _Bikini Planet_ isn't bad, but halfway through, the tongue-tied 21 year old native Las Vegas cop suddenly morphs into a talkative British chap. Then Garnett leaves the reader with not one, not two, but *three* different endings to the story. Despite the title, I wouldn't recommend this as a "beach read."
(August 2007)
November 30, 2012
I actually didn't finish this one. So many poor choices. The hilarious non-blurb from Neil Gaiman should've warned me not to bother but I thought he was just trying to be funny.
June 9, 2013
Amongst the boring dialgoue, forgettable characters, and horrible plot this books has almost nothing going for it except weird alien sex.
November 15, 2013
I expected more from the title. Okay comic space opera with a Rip Van Winkle waking up in a time not his own trope thrown in.
January 5, 2014
quite fun to read
October 7, 2015
Possibly one of the strangest books I've ever ready. Disjointed and very strange but saved by a quirky humor infused dialogue.
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews