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Nowhere Near Normal: A Memoir of OCD
In the bestselling tradition of Augusten Burroughs, a compassionate, witty, and completely candid memoir that chronicles growing up with obsessive-compulsive disorder.
When all the neighborhood kids were playing outdoors, seven-year-old Traci Foust was inside making sure the miniature Catholic saint statues on her windowsill always pointed north, scratching out bald patches on her scalp, and snapping her fingers after every utterance of the word God. As Traci grew older, her OCD blossomed to include panic attacks and bizarre behaviors, including a fear of the sun, an obsession with contracting eradicated diseases, and the idea that she could catch herself on fire just by thinking about it. While stints of therapy -- and lots of Nyquil -- sometimes helped, nothing alleviated the fact that her single mother and mid-life crisis father had no idea how to deal with her.
Traci Foust shares her wacky and compelling journey with brutal honesty, from becoming a teenage runaway on the poetry slam beat in the hippie beach towns of Northern California to living at a family-owned nursing home, in a room with a seventy-five-year-old WWII Vet who kept mistaking her for a prostitute. In this funny, frenetic, and wonderfully dark-humored account of her struggles with a variety of psychological disorders, Traci ultimately concludes that there is nothing special about being “normal.”
When all the neighborhood kids were playing outdoors, seven-year-old Traci Foust was inside making sure the miniature Catholic saint statues on her windowsill always pointed north, scratching out bald patches on her scalp, and snapping her fingers after every utterance of the word God. As Traci grew older, her OCD blossomed to include panic attacks and bizarre behaviors, including a fear of the sun, an obsession with contracting eradicated diseases, and the idea that she could catch herself on fire just by thinking about it. While stints of therapy -- and lots of Nyquil -- sometimes helped, nothing alleviated the fact that her single mother and mid-life crisis father had no idea how to deal with her.
Traci Foust shares her wacky and compelling journey with brutal honesty, from becoming a teenage runaway on the poetry slam beat in the hippie beach towns of Northern California to living at a family-owned nursing home, in a room with a seventy-five-year-old WWII Vet who kept mistaking her for a prostitute. In this funny, frenetic, and wonderfully dark-humored account of her struggles with a variety of psychological disorders, Traci ultimately concludes that there is nothing special about being “normal.”
384 pages, Hardcover
First published April 5, 2011
21 people are currently reading
1525 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews
November 8, 2011
This is a dark and unique memoir of living with OCD. Traci Foust is very open about her lifetime of living with this difficult disorder.
While having its humorous moments, the reality of the disorder is not at all funny. Traci takes us back to the beginnings of her OCD, her childhood. While her manner of retelling her memories may be funny to us, the actual memories, which was her reality is quite sad.
The childhood that Traci recalls may seem normal; in many ways we can relate to certain recollections and feelings. However with OCD, everything is in overdrive, exaggerated, not by choice, but by an inner force one can't control.
Traci does exceptionally well at showing us her world. I think she was quite bold by allowing us to see it, and to laugh at things that were not funny for her to endure. Perhaps her book will help some readers who have or know someone who has OCD. Perhaps it will help someone to understand this often misunderstood disorder. I hope it was cathartic for Traci, too.
While having its humorous moments, the reality of the disorder is not at all funny. Traci takes us back to the beginnings of her OCD, her childhood. While her manner of retelling her memories may be funny to us, the actual memories, which was her reality is quite sad.
The childhood that Traci recalls may seem normal; in many ways we can relate to certain recollections and feelings. However with OCD, everything is in overdrive, exaggerated, not by choice, but by an inner force one can't control.
Traci does exceptionally well at showing us her world. I think she was quite bold by allowing us to see it, and to laugh at things that were not funny for her to endure. Perhaps her book will help some readers who have or know someone who has OCD. Perhaps it will help someone to understand this often misunderstood disorder. I hope it was cathartic for Traci, too.
June 21, 2011
With the subtitle, "A Memoir of OCD," this book accomplishes what it sets out to do: it accurately captures the frantic and agonized voice of a woman suffering from OCD. Unfortunately, this very voice and the repetitive and relentless nature of OCD are what makes the book become almost unbearable to read. I persevered to the end, but by that time I had lost all patience with Foust, for whom I had felt true empathy and almost affection toward at the beginning. I am not sure if this is the sign of a book that is astonishingly effective or of an editor who failed to inform his or her author when they went just a tad too far for an otherwise more marketable book. For memoir junkies like me, this might be worth the time and effort. For anyone else, I wouldn't say I recommend it.
July 13, 2011
Really enjoyed this book - in portraying her experiences in growing up and coping with her mental illness (OCD), the author was also very frank in describing what her family had to endure in coping with her.
April 21, 2011
This is what memoir should be. Nothing in this book seems plastic or tied in a pretty box. Traci Foust turns out all her skeletons, making us love her sometimes, hate her sometimes, but most of the time we just want to read more. I love the kind of writing that takes risks with run-on sentences and imagery liken to a "Naked Lunch" dream. There is not self gratification in this book. This is not an all about ME-MOIR. This is a tale of a family falling apart while trying to fall towards the same thing. This isn't a clinical tale of took this pill took that pill, instead we see Traci portraying BOTH the pro and antagonist within a mind that is both disturbed and exquisite.
January 8, 2012
I recently read Jeannette Walls's The Glass Castle and by comparison, Nowhere Near Normal shows poorly. Where Walls demonstrated pluck in the face of adverse circumstances, Foust is determinedly flippant. It recounts the outer appearance of a childhood with OCD in the decade before SSRIs arrived on the scene, but, until the very late chapters lacks any true introspection. She shows little compassion for the child she was or her troubled family, rendering them all as one-dimensional "freaks" of one sort or another. I wanted to shake the author out of her flippancy and say: this is serious stuff,and sad, it deserves to be treated that way.
August 15, 2019
I think I have OCD, but, compared to author Traci Foust, I’m an amateur.
January 17, 2012
When I saw this one on Simon and Schuster's Galley Grab last month I knew I'd have to read it. It's a memoir written by a woman who grew up with severe OCD. I was particularly interested in the religious facets of her OCD because I had some similar obsessions as a child. For example, if I knew someone was travelling and I thought of that person, I had to stop and pray for them for a sufficient amount of time in order to keep them from dying. If I didn't pray, and they died in a travel accident, I knew it would be my fault. Weird and irrational, but that's what I thought. The author has some similar obsessions, but to a much greater extent. In fact, her OCD is so uncontrollable that her family sends her to live in the family-owned nursing home for a period of time. The main focus of the book is on Faust's childhood, although we also get to see her grow up, mature, and learn to live with a devastating mental illness.
Writing
I enjoyed the writing at the beginning of the book, but it got old quickly. It was very stream of consciousness with long run on sentences. It worked great when describing her childhood, but after a few hundred pages I was getting tired of it. I also felt like it was more suited to writing about childhood than it was to adulthood, which takes up a third or so of the book. I also felt like the book never reached a satisfying conclusion. When I read the last page, I wondered where the rest of the book was. The author's story seems to just stop in the middle.
MST3K
Definitely a good read. I was sucked in, I cared about the author, I cared about her family, I have no complaints other than that I didn't feel like the ending was right. It just seemed like there should be more to the story - although it may just be that the author hasn't lived the ending yet, since this is a memoir. I definitely connected with the author, and I found her stories interesting, though sad.
I recommend to people who are interested in childhood mental illness or who have a special interest in memoir. It's not the best mental illness memoir I've read, but it's not the worst either.
Writing
I enjoyed the writing at the beginning of the book, but it got old quickly. It was very stream of consciousness with long run on sentences. It worked great when describing her childhood, but after a few hundred pages I was getting tired of it. I also felt like it was more suited to writing about childhood than it was to adulthood, which takes up a third or so of the book. I also felt like the book never reached a satisfying conclusion. When I read the last page, I wondered where the rest of the book was. The author's story seems to just stop in the middle.
MST3K
Definitely a good read. I was sucked in, I cared about the author, I cared about her family, I have no complaints other than that I didn't feel like the ending was right. It just seemed like there should be more to the story - although it may just be that the author hasn't lived the ending yet, since this is a memoir. I definitely connected with the author, and I found her stories interesting, though sad.
I recommend to people who are interested in childhood mental illness or who have a special interest in memoir. It's not the best mental illness memoir I've read, but it's not the worst either.
December 27, 2012
This is one of those Your Mileage May Vary books, so all I can do is give my impression that the book is rather flawed, with some redeeming value. Goodreads has no 2.5 star option, and two stars feels a bit unkind, so three here isn't as much of an endorsement as it'd be for others I've thus rated. Anyway ...
The first part of the book deals with Traci's dysfunctional childhood, with much of that generated by Traci's behavior. Her folks split up when she's in grade school, although she's well into her acting out by then. Her maternal grandmother comes to live with them, providing a sane voice while Traci fights with her mother, brother, and sister. Part Two starts with Traci having been "sent" to live at the nursing home her grandmother now owns, as her mother just can't handle their living together anymore. The book improves here, as there's (somewhat) less squabbling, and more focus on life with OCD from within, from a (slightly) more mature viewpoint. The final 25% or so of the book I honestly felt was rather a mess, the early years of Traci on her own (pretty much); events of this squalid period were difficult to follow for me. And then ... that's it. Perhaps Traci's planning on a sequel, but I was quite frustrated not to learn how she went from taking an impulsive step that, in hindsight, paid off, to the writer she is now.
And, she does write well; she has great turns of phrase, and the episodes flow. My issues with the "squalid period" above were depicted well, but to me, you kinda had to be there. Overall, the book didn't quite measure up as she struck me as such an unreliable narrator, "getting into" her childhood persona, not showing any regret for the anguish she caused everyone. Bottom line -- if you don't care for the book early on, hoping things will get better, with a resolution (making all that dysfunction worth it), no such luck!
The first part of the book deals with Traci's dysfunctional childhood, with much of that generated by Traci's behavior. Her folks split up when she's in grade school, although she's well into her acting out by then. Her maternal grandmother comes to live with them, providing a sane voice while Traci fights with her mother, brother, and sister. Part Two starts with Traci having been "sent" to live at the nursing home her grandmother now owns, as her mother just can't handle their living together anymore. The book improves here, as there's (somewhat) less squabbling, and more focus on life with OCD from within, from a (slightly) more mature viewpoint. The final 25% or so of the book I honestly felt was rather a mess, the early years of Traci on her own (pretty much); events of this squalid period were difficult to follow for me. And then ... that's it. Perhaps Traci's planning on a sequel, but I was quite frustrated not to learn how she went from taking an impulsive step that, in hindsight, paid off, to the writer she is now.
And, she does write well; she has great turns of phrase, and the episodes flow. My issues with the "squalid period" above were depicted well, but to me, you kinda had to be there. Overall, the book didn't quite measure up as she struck me as such an unreliable narrator, "getting into" her childhood persona, not showing any regret for the anguish she caused everyone. Bottom line -- if you don't care for the book early on, hoping things will get better, with a resolution (making all that dysfunction worth it), no such luck!
October 27, 2011
This book grabbed me from the first chapter, not just from the content of the way the author struggles to maintain some sort of balance in a mind that is anything but, I was smitten with all the characters. The hypochondriac mother who goes overboard with her own calling in God; the absentee father who, much like the main character, uses humor and outward appearances to disguise dysfunction; the weird apron-stringed sister who has no sense of what her place is in a family that seems to revolve around a sick girl. Ms. Faust creates her world according to the voices in her head, unrelenting yet dark with a sick humor not everyone will appreciate (She openly makes fun of mentally challenged children in her school in the hopes that she is not one of "them") Ultimately it is the untimely loss of her mother and the loss of her place within her family that drives a stubborn and whip smart Faust to finally become her own person. Or at least to try. This is a genuine story where the author hold back nothing. She tells you right away to hate her because she is a "digusting excuse for a daughter" and someone in the horror of her journey we end up trying not to like this self-indulgent character, yet her honesty taps up into a scary place many of us wish we could go. The place where it's okay to say to hell with what people think. This is me. I hope there will be a sequel, Faust is a talented voice of a generation that has stopped trying to keep up with the Jones'. If you like the punches of Vonnegut and the poetic pathos of Mary Karr this is an author you need to read.
January 9, 2012
Nowhere Near Normal is an interesting look at OCD from the perspective of someone who's issues began at age 8. Traci quickly realized that she wasn't "normal", but could not help unplugging appliances, checking and triple checking all the door and window locks, and becoming extremely upset with odd numbers which made math homework especially difficult. Her family was pretty crazy and often had no idea how to deal with Traci and all her problems. She was diagnosed with OCD in her early teens, but it wasn't really explained to her at the time. Later she used Nyquil and antihistamines to help control her OCD and anxiety before finally being prescribed anti-anxiety medication as an adult. I think a combination of the time period and her dysfunctional family could have made things worse for Traci, but once she was finally on the right medication her life was finally on track. A raw, unique look at what OCD actually feels like for someone who suffers from it.
November 17, 2011
I am loving this straight forward approach to writing. OCD is not easy yo live with. Hearing Traci story all the way from her thinking she is poisoning her family by not covering the lunch meat and finishing a song on the pogo stick. This book is great and helps others with OCD see we are not alone and we are not crazy well maybe a little crazy in our own world. \
Great read Traci I loved ever min of this book I was excited to turn the page and she what was next!
Great read Traci I loved ever min of this book I was excited to turn the page and she what was next!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 22, 2013
OCD frames my world as a mother and yet I constantly crave more--more truths, more understanding, more shared stories. I loved this memoir and have recommended it to many people inside and outside the OCD community. I think anyone who enjoys reading memoirs would be drawn to the voice, the writing, the quirky humor. Yes, it's dark, but NOWHERE NEAR NORMAL is also an honest story of survival. I want MORE from Ms Foust!
August 19, 2011
I really enjoyed this memoir. The authors experiences with OCD are shared in an honest manner, sometimes painfully so. My favorite moments are those of discovery.. especially when she learns of her diagnosis. One of the best memoirs on this subject that I've read.
April 12, 2011
Just into the third part. I love this book and the kind of snarky style. Most of it is absolutely gorgeous, sometimes very sad but all the time intriguing
June 25, 2011
Disturbing.
If you know someone with ocd you should read this.
Felt like she was trying to get the point across of how sick she was.
If you know someone with ocd you should read this.
Felt like she was trying to get the point across of how sick she was.
November 7, 2011
Poignant story about the author's life mostly of her undiagnosed OCD while growing up. Using dark humor, the author vividly conveys to the reader what it is like to deal with OCD.
August 17, 2013
Nowhere near Normal gives us classic OCD with its fears, limitations imposed, attempts at normality and effects of the disease. We see this through the growing up Traci's eyes. She seems to have many of OCDs manifestations and sometimes reveals her thought process in great detail.
A big piece in the puzzle of OCD is how it affects close relations, namely family. Her father, separated from her mother, is Mr. swinging bachelor disco king. He is going through his own 2nd adolescence and performs his fatherly duties in erratic fashion at best. Her Mother has so many ongoing issues it's nearly humorous. Sometimes this story reads like a John Irving narrative with Traci living her high school years in a senior home that her grandma owns. She wants to go to school and be free of her San Jose life, but her attempts at living independently are discouraging at best.
As far as the OCD is concerned she tends to describe what she does rather than what she in thinking. Details are abundant in terms of what she does to herself (Ajax as toothpaste and Nyquil and paper bags to calm down). Overall, a good story with an open ending.
For those who like 1970s images like shag carpet, Farrah feathered hair, etc., this will be all the more fun for you.
A big piece in the puzzle of OCD is how it affects close relations, namely family. Her father, separated from her mother, is Mr. swinging bachelor disco king. He is going through his own 2nd adolescence and performs his fatherly duties in erratic fashion at best. Her Mother has so many ongoing issues it's nearly humorous. Sometimes this story reads like a John Irving narrative with Traci living her high school years in a senior home that her grandma owns. She wants to go to school and be free of her San Jose life, but her attempts at living independently are discouraging at best.
As far as the OCD is concerned she tends to describe what she does rather than what she in thinking. Details are abundant in terms of what she does to herself (Ajax as toothpaste and Nyquil and paper bags to calm down). Overall, a good story with an open ending.
For those who like 1970s images like shag carpet, Farrah feathered hair, etc., this will be all the more fun for you.
November 17, 2011
A compelling look at Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Nowhere Near Normal doesn‘t shy away from the painful reality of this disease. Author Traci Foust begins her memoir at age 7 when she is already staying up at night to lick door locks and unplug all appliances in order to protect her family from certain death. In her early teens she’s finally diagnosed with OCD and begins talk therapy. Unfortunately, this is only a partial solution which she augments with massive doses of Nyquil and Benedryl to quiet her mind. At eighteen a doctor starts her on Prozac and for her the change is bittersweet, “I felt like I was losing an important part of myself. Who was I supposed to be if I couldn’t be upset about everything all the time?”
One of Foust’s few sources of pleasure was writing and words and it’s evident in this book. Her recall of even the smallest details is astonishing and her way with words masterful. She writes with unflinching honesty, not just about herself, but about all those around her and the havoc her disease wreaked on their lives. An intense but readable book. Author Q&A and resources are included.
One of Foust’s few sources of pleasure was writing and words and it’s evident in this book. Her recall of even the smallest details is astonishing and her way with words masterful. She writes with unflinching honesty, not just about herself, but about all those around her and the havoc her disease wreaked on their lives. An intense but readable book. Author Q&A and resources are included.
August 20, 2011
What an amazing window into the often tormented mind of someone suffering from OCD. At times difficult to read because of the author's exhausting detail of what was going through her mind - yet this is also what gives the reader a real sense of her nearly constant struggle to try to "be normal". That she is now "near normal" is a tribute to her determination and resiliency. The book offers insight for those of us who struggle to understand mental illness and hope for those of us who struggle to be "near normal".
November 25, 2011
I had the opportunity to see this author read from her memoir and she is just as funny and open in real life as she is on the page. There were parts of this book that made me laugh so hard I would have to email to friends who I know would love it. Traci's way of describing her illness goes beyond what the book calls dark humour, she has a keen observation about what other people feel and think when it comes to the way we view "not normal" . I couldn't put it down and hope to see more from this talented writer.
July 8, 2012
I was really interested in this book but it was so chaotic and boring I couldn't get past the first chapter. I wanted details on the author's OCD tendencies but the first chapter was a rambling story about the end of her parents' marriage and sprinkled with a few of her foibles.
As an un-diagnosed but readily admitted OCD-lite, I wanted to connect with this book and I was disappointed that I didn't.
As an un-diagnosed but readily admitted OCD-lite, I wanted to connect with this book and I was disappointed that I didn't.
October 12, 2011
One of the most interesting books I have read in a long time. Prior to this of course I had heard about OCD, but never really thought about what it would be like to have it and have to deal with it every day. This book was very well written, funny, sad, thoughtful, just amazing. Some of the things that the author went through growing up I cannot even imagine doing. Really good glimpse into what it would be like to have to constantly do different things for fear of other people being hurt.
January 17, 2012
A beautifully written story. Foust has a gift sprung from that magical place of a bad upbringing and a touch of madness. Following the narrative flow was a bit difficult at first until you realize this is what the reader must do to be in the head of a person with OCD. Not many writers can pull something like that off and still come away with a magically crafted, at times poetic and heartbreaking, style. Reminded me a bit of She's Not There mixed with The Bell Jar
June 1, 2016
As someone who was recently diagnosed with OCD, this book helped me understand my condition better than any self-help book ever could. It has been a huge relief to see so many of the tics and behaviors that I've struggled to keep clamped down and tried to never talk about described so well. This book is a must-read for both those who suffer from OCD/other anxiety disorders and the people who love them.
June 12, 2012
Traci is touching and funny and makes me appreciate the little things that make my daughter tick that much more. I loved reading her stories and getting a better feel for her life and kinda, sorta understand a little bit better what drives my own kid (who has OCD tendencies). It took a lot of courage to bare this story, and I'm glad Traci found that kind of courage.
July 4, 2011
This is a very smartly written memoir about a dysfunctional family and a girl trying to cope with her crippling anxiety and OCD. Traci Foust's story is compelling, beautifully written and honorably believable. I loved it!
April 15, 2011
Loved the beautiful writing. This is a great read, sometimes dark but so very funny. Loved it!
October 21, 2011
I could relate to just about everything Traci went through in her book as a fellow person with OCD. At points the book was very depressing on how terrible her life was. One of my all-time favorites.
March 11, 2012
An extreme case of the condition, but cathartic to read.
June 19, 2021
On one hand, this is a compelling first-hand account of having OCD, and on the other, it’s a stressful first-hand account. The descriptions are vivid and in many parts, rather gross, for lack of a better word. I’m not a weak-stomached person, but the combination of building stress and unsavory bodily fluids made it all rather unpleasant to read. The stories were long at first, going through excruciating detail. As the book progresses, the anecdotes seem to get shorter and the author interjects commentary in hindsight more and more. At times the commentary was confusing rather than clarifying or reassuring. It felt like there were details that could stand to be trimmed out, which made the whole book feel meandering in a slightly maddening way.
It is fascinating to see the inner workings of OCD play out through her life, and in that regard very captivating. In many ways relatable and yet a story that feels like a movie playing out.
It is fascinating to see the inner workings of OCD play out through her life, and in that regard very captivating. In many ways relatable and yet a story that feels like a movie playing out.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews