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The Man in the Gray Flannel Skirt: A Memoir of Androgyny
The vibrant, funny, and heartwarming story of an outcast who becomes an odd man in
If you have ever felt like a misfit in school or been paralyzed by your family’s imposing expectations, if you have ever obsessed about your appearance or panicked about choosing a career path, if you have ever wondered if every single thing to which your body is exposed, from egg yolks to X-rays, might harm you, then you may be surprised to find a kindred spirit in The Man in the Gray Flannel Skirt .
Growing up in sunny La Jolla, California, Jon-Jon Goulian was a hyperneurotic kid who felt out of place wherever he turned, and who, in his own words, was forever on the verge of “caving in beneath the pressures of modern life.” From his fear of competition to his fear of pimples, from his fear of sex to his fear of saturated fat, the range and depth of Jon-Jon’s phobias were seemingly boundless. With his two older brothers providing a sterling example he believed he could never live up to, and his stern grandfather, the political philosopher Sidney Hook, continually calling him to account for his intellectual failure, Jon-Jon, feeling pressed against the wall, wracked with despair, and dizzy with insecurity, instinctively resorted, for reasons that became clear to him only many years later, to a most ingenious scheme for keeping conventional expectations at women’s clothing! Ingenious, perhaps, but woefully ineffective, as Jon-Jon discovers, again and again, that behind his skirt, leggings, halter top, and high heels, he’s still as wildly neurotic, and as wracked with anxiety, as he’s always been.
In this hilarious and heartfelt memoir, Jon-Jon Goulian’s witty and exuberant voice shines through, as he comes to terms with what it means to truly be yourself.
If you have ever felt like a misfit in school or been paralyzed by your family’s imposing expectations, if you have ever obsessed about your appearance or panicked about choosing a career path, if you have ever wondered if every single thing to which your body is exposed, from egg yolks to X-rays, might harm you, then you may be surprised to find a kindred spirit in The Man in the Gray Flannel Skirt .
Growing up in sunny La Jolla, California, Jon-Jon Goulian was a hyperneurotic kid who felt out of place wherever he turned, and who, in his own words, was forever on the verge of “caving in beneath the pressures of modern life.” From his fear of competition to his fear of pimples, from his fear of sex to his fear of saturated fat, the range and depth of Jon-Jon’s phobias were seemingly boundless. With his two older brothers providing a sterling example he believed he could never live up to, and his stern grandfather, the political philosopher Sidney Hook, continually calling him to account for his intellectual failure, Jon-Jon, feeling pressed against the wall, wracked with despair, and dizzy with insecurity, instinctively resorted, for reasons that became clear to him only many years later, to a most ingenious scheme for keeping conventional expectations at women’s clothing! Ingenious, perhaps, but woefully ineffective, as Jon-Jon discovers, again and again, that behind his skirt, leggings, halter top, and high heels, he’s still as wildly neurotic, and as wracked with anxiety, as he’s always been.
In this hilarious and heartfelt memoir, Jon-Jon Goulian’s witty and exuberant voice shines through, as he comes to terms with what it means to truly be yourself.
336 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2011
2 people are currently reading
251 people want to read
About the author
Jon-Jon Goulian
3 books6 followersJon-Jon Goulian was born in 1968 and grew up in La Jolla, California. After attending Columbia College and NYU Law School, he worked as a law clerk for a federal judge in North Carolina, and then as an assistant to Robert Silvers of The New York Review of Books. He now lives, by himself, in South Wardsboro, Vermont, where he spends most of his time gardening. The Man in the Gray Flannel Skirt is his first book.
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July 14, 2011This is like sitting with your chattiest gay male friend on a 3 day coke binge. I fail to see the whole life impact of getting a hernia in high school.
Also, I hate to say this but - First World Problems. A Harvard education, a law degree and making 12 an hour babysitting. . . no wonder your parents are bewildered and dismayed. I don't think that being gender variant means you have to give up on the concept of working for a living. But whatever, the guy is brave to be out about his stuff.
Also, I hate to say this but - First World Problems. A Harvard education, a law degree and making 12 an hour babysitting. . . no wonder your parents are bewildered and dismayed. I don't think that being gender variant means you have to give up on the concept of working for a living. But whatever, the guy is brave to be out about his stuff.
June 29, 2011
This book was BEYOND terrible. Jon-Jon Goulian is like a wannabe Augusten Burroughs or David Sedaris, only he suffers from serious writer's ADD and a spoiled upbringing.
I found myself beginning a chapter with a comprehensive anecdote- then being thrown down a maze of tangents only to come back to the original thought with nothing to show for it. The point of the story is completely lost on me. What I learned about his life is that he is a middle-aged extremely vain man from a driven and wealthy family. He practically threw all his opportunities down the drain yet still got into an amazing college, and what does he have to show for it? Nothing, he hides in Vermont and writes books about his privileged life.
There are only two reasons why I would recommend this book:
1. If you would like read a book to compare your own writing endeavors, a great self-esteem booster.
2. If you are in the mood to be completely agitated.
I found myself beginning a chapter with a comprehensive anecdote- then being thrown down a maze of tangents only to come back to the original thought with nothing to show for it. The point of the story is completely lost on me. What I learned about his life is that he is a middle-aged extremely vain man from a driven and wealthy family. He practically threw all his opportunities down the drain yet still got into an amazing college, and what does he have to show for it? Nothing, he hides in Vermont and writes books about his privileged life.
There are only two reasons why I would recommend this book:
1. If you would like read a book to compare your own writing endeavors, a great self-esteem booster.
2. If you are in the mood to be completely agitated.
June 3, 2011
It's not required by law that people tangentially related to publishing in New York have to read this book. I just want to put that out there.
August 20, 2011
Let's just cut to the chase, shall we? "I hesitate to bore you with walking you through them." This, from the penultimate chapter of this bore of a memoir, although referring to the potential "moral implications" of the author's prototypical Freudian interaction with his mommy as a child, could serve just as well as a stand-alone indictment of this entire account. I, as reviewer, hesitate to bore you with walking through the myriad shortcomings of this tepid tome, but bore you I shall.
Don't get me wrong: I love a good dysfunction junction re-hash of a broken childhood. But the key word there is "good". This? Not so much. To whit:
What was so bad about this dude's life, anyway? Not much that I could find. He grew up a privileged white kid in one of the most affluent (& physically beautiful) settings in the U.S. who went on to be educated, on his parents' dime I might add, in several of the most prestigious Ivy League institutions here. So he has body issues; who doesn't? And his parents, who apparently supported him into his late 20s or early 30s, expected he might make use of his multiple degrees? If he wanted to piss away his education, seems perfectly fine to me, it's his life after all. But get over it already! If you want to be your own person, do it on your own & shut UP about it already, enough of the guilt-ridden angsty bullshit.
I'm trying to say this: feeling broken & adrift and wanting to write about it is one thing, but it ain't worth reading about if you don't make it interesting/funny/poignant or somehow relevant. Entertain me, fer chrissakes. I'd rather read his grandfather Sydney Hook's autobiography than this self-indulgent drivel; he came across as much more interesting. And Mr. Goulian, if you're planning to continue your literary pursuits, might I suggest you invest in a good dictionary, cease & desist with the inane parentheticals & footnotes, quit with the over-generalizations, & please, for the love of all that is holy, stop whining!
This ARC was provided to me by the publisher via my local Indie bookstore, and no money was exchanged.
Don't get me wrong: I love a good dysfunction junction re-hash of a broken childhood. But the key word there is "good". This? Not so much. To whit:
What was so bad about this dude's life, anyway? Not much that I could find. He grew up a privileged white kid in one of the most affluent (& physically beautiful) settings in the U.S. who went on to be educated, on his parents' dime I might add, in several of the most prestigious Ivy League institutions here. So he has body issues; who doesn't? And his parents, who apparently supported him into his late 20s or early 30s, expected he might make use of his multiple degrees? If he wanted to piss away his education, seems perfectly fine to me, it's his life after all. But get over it already! If you want to be your own person, do it on your own & shut UP about it already, enough of the guilt-ridden angsty bullshit.
I'm trying to say this: feeling broken & adrift and wanting to write about it is one thing, but it ain't worth reading about if you don't make it interesting/funny/poignant or somehow relevant. Entertain me, fer chrissakes. I'd rather read his grandfather Sydney Hook's autobiography than this self-indulgent drivel; he came across as much more interesting. And Mr. Goulian, if you're planning to continue your literary pursuits, might I suggest you invest in a good dictionary, cease & desist with the inane parentheticals & footnotes, quit with the over-generalizations, & please, for the love of all that is holy, stop whining!
This ARC was provided to me by the publisher via my local Indie bookstore, and no money was exchanged.
August 12, 2011
This memoir was very frustrating. The purpose of the book is for the author to explain why he turned out so abnormal (dressing like a woman, OCD, cannot hold a job) when he grew-up in a family of over-achievers. The author never really explains why. Instead he jumps from thought to thought and story to story. One wonders if his underachievement could be explained as a simple case of ADD combined with OCD. I felt that the author was trying to gain sympathy from his childhood having grown-up with those who expected so much. However, the author had a very privileged life: East coast summer camp, spending the summers in his family’s Vermont summer home, meeting presidents; that I often found myself rolling my eyes at his stories. This author’s boring stories are filled with the longest sentences. Jon-Jon ditch the comas and learn how to use some periods! I would recommend other readers to avoid this book.
May 17, 2011
I won this book from a giveaway and I entered it for no reason other than the title caught my eye. Not knowing what the book would be about I started it ready for anything, and what I got was nothing I was expecting. The Man in the Gray Flannel Skirt is a memoir, each chapter opening with something happening in his life, and then quickly shifting to something else from his past that relates to the theme of that chapter. While this did lead me to expecting what was coming next I really did like the way he wrote his story. In the beginning few chapters of the book I began to wonder why he wrote a memoir, what had he done? I realized then at the end that thats just it, he hadn't "done" anything, he just lived how he wanted and that led him to have one of the most interesting lives (with a somewhat exception of one chapter, which was a bit uncomfortable to read but still interesting!) I have ever read about. That is what I have taken from this story, live how you want and its never too late to change your life. I extremely enjoyed reading about his life, excellent book.
May 29, 2011
Great book! What a down-to-earth guy he is; more so, even, because of his raging insecurities...he's beyond grounded, he's downright catatonic. There is very little that is unusual about Jon-Jon apart from his name and how he chooses to dress himself. Life has been a struggle, a competition between what is expected of him and what he is capable of...the sad part is that he often takes himself out of the fight, for fear of failure, fear of not living up, or for the sake of fear itself. He's a germaphobe of the highest order and I can almost feel the bland food to which he grew accustomed. His relationship with his family is endearing, and I appreciate that he wasn't a malcontent for the sake of being one. He just spent a lot of his time being misunderstood, I think. Great book.
August 2, 2011
I received this as a first reads giveaway as well. I must also admit that the title caught me because I have been wanting to read "The Man In the Gay Flannel Shirt", and thought this one may offer an interesting twist. I am sorry, but I could not get through it. I can see how this might be more engaging to someone who really enjoys the tragic memoir style of writing that it offers. Just not my cup of tea. One can only listen to the whinings of a poor little rich kid for so long.
June 11, 2020
Goulian is an excellent story teller and I enjoyed reading almost all of this book. I did feel like perhaps there could have been more introspection throughout, but it was well summed up at the end. Goulian suffers the same things as many of us do to varying degrees--body insecurity, fear of failure, fear of not measuring up, of letting people down, etc. His memoir is about how he dealt with these issues in a somewhat unusual way. Of course, I write that as if any of the so-called "traditional" ways of getting through life are somehow more normal or more acceptable. Without knowing him, it seems Goulian is honest in his self-appraisal and I hope is growing more comfortable with himself every day.
May 7, 2011
“For the great bulk of my adult life, beginning roughly when I was sixteen and continuing, off and on, until now, at the age of forty, I have fallen short, sometimes dangerously short, of the conventional ideal of masculinity.” So begins Jon-Jon Goulian’s memoir, a courageous explanation of why he is who he is. Be yourself, his writing wants to implore, even if your self doesn’t meet the standards of the exacting, categorizing culture you live in.
Reading this book is an interesting -- if sometimes uncomfortable -- experience because of the way Goulian essentially throws himself at you and doesn’t hold anything back. He enthusiastically presents his flaws, his quirks, his failures, his uncertainty and his squeamishness.
Goulian has struggled with body issues his whole life. He’s had two nose jobs and is planning on a third. He hates his bow legs. He dresses in women’s clothing, though he does not categorize himself as gay or a cross-dresser. He finds comfort in stuffed animals and has spent thousands of dollars building his stuffed animal collection. He acquired a law degree that he will not use, partially because practicing law would require him to wear men’s clothing. He once worked for Robert Silvers at the esteemed New York Review of Books, though his most recent stint (other than writing a book) has been babysitting, for $12 an hour, a seven-year-old girl named Ruth. He is not only self-deprecating, but he’s incredibly sympathetic with those who are shocked or even revolted by him.
If you have ever reviewed a memoir before, you’re probably familiar with the sinking feeling that comes along with making a judgment – that somehow it’s impossible to judge a memoir without judging the person who wrote it. I am currently undergoing said sinking feeling, for I did not enjoy this memoir as much as I had hoped. While Goulian’s explanation of his beliefs and choices is indeed fascinating, there’s not as much substance here as you might expect from a "be yourself" narrative. I kept waiting to come across some sort of analysis or grappling, some deeper segment to open up Goulian’s life story to all of us. Some larger truth. And I’m sad to say I didn’t really find it. The story remained about him, and him only. Though it’s a courageous and incredibly readable book, at the end of the day, this memoir won’t really stay with me.
Dwight Garner in The New York Times Book Review described The Man in the Gray Flannel Skirt as “loquacious, high-strung, daft, and vaguely sad,” and while the overall assessment is a bit harsh, I agree with the “vaguely sad” part. When I finished the book and read the back inside cover and learned that Goulian now spends his time in Vermont living by himself and gardening, I felt a weird small sense of sorrow about what the pressure of our culture does to people who don't "fit in" and found myself just wishing that Goulian can be happy, wherever he is and whatever he’s doing.
I was also slightly relieved to be able to move on and immerse myself in a new book.
I received an advanced reviewer’s copy of this book for free through Goodreads First Reads. Many thanks to Random House for sending the copy my way.
Reading this book is an interesting -- if sometimes uncomfortable -- experience because of the way Goulian essentially throws himself at you and doesn’t hold anything back. He enthusiastically presents his flaws, his quirks, his failures, his uncertainty and his squeamishness.
Goulian has struggled with body issues his whole life. He’s had two nose jobs and is planning on a third. He hates his bow legs. He dresses in women’s clothing, though he does not categorize himself as gay or a cross-dresser. He finds comfort in stuffed animals and has spent thousands of dollars building his stuffed animal collection. He acquired a law degree that he will not use, partially because practicing law would require him to wear men’s clothing. He once worked for Robert Silvers at the esteemed New York Review of Books, though his most recent stint (other than writing a book) has been babysitting, for $12 an hour, a seven-year-old girl named Ruth. He is not only self-deprecating, but he’s incredibly sympathetic with those who are shocked or even revolted by him.
If you have ever reviewed a memoir before, you’re probably familiar with the sinking feeling that comes along with making a judgment – that somehow it’s impossible to judge a memoir without judging the person who wrote it. I am currently undergoing said sinking feeling, for I did not enjoy this memoir as much as I had hoped. While Goulian’s explanation of his beliefs and choices is indeed fascinating, there’s not as much substance here as you might expect from a "be yourself" narrative. I kept waiting to come across some sort of analysis or grappling, some deeper segment to open up Goulian’s life story to all of us. Some larger truth. And I’m sad to say I didn’t really find it. The story remained about him, and him only. Though it’s a courageous and incredibly readable book, at the end of the day, this memoir won’t really stay with me.
Dwight Garner in The New York Times Book Review described The Man in the Gray Flannel Skirt as “loquacious, high-strung, daft, and vaguely sad,” and while the overall assessment is a bit harsh, I agree with the “vaguely sad” part. When I finished the book and read the back inside cover and learned that Goulian now spends his time in Vermont living by himself and gardening, I felt a weird small sense of sorrow about what the pressure of our culture does to people who don't "fit in" and found myself just wishing that Goulian can be happy, wherever he is and whatever he’s doing.
I was also slightly relieved to be able to move on and immerse myself in a new book.
I received an advanced reviewer’s copy of this book for free through Goodreads First Reads. Many thanks to Random House for sending the copy my way.
October 18, 2011
I read this book after reading an interview with Jon-Jon and very much thinking that I wanted to have a conversation with him at a bar someday. The book reads similarly, which is his greatest asset. He is instantly likeable.
Memoirs are weird, which is why I choose often to not read the genre; many of its authors think they are much more interesting than they are. Jon-Jon is the black sheep of the family and a straight dude who wears a skirt most of the time. Otherwise he is just as neurotic as any of your citydwelling friends, and has lovely anecdotes to relate to that experience.
I want to give him props on his exceptionally tight elliptical structure, as well; each chapter begins as it ends with a flashback or series of flashbacks in the middle to explicate. It's a sci fi writer's trick, and it works here as a hook marvelously. By the last 10 pages or so I couldn't put it down. I only wished that by the end of the book I had found Jon-Jon's experience more worthy of a book (So you wear a skirt! That's cool, what else you got?), as his writing certainly deserves more exposure.
Memoirs are weird, which is why I choose often to not read the genre; many of its authors think they are much more interesting than they are. Jon-Jon is the black sheep of the family and a straight dude who wears a skirt most of the time. Otherwise he is just as neurotic as any of your citydwelling friends, and has lovely anecdotes to relate to that experience.
I want to give him props on his exceptionally tight elliptical structure, as well; each chapter begins as it ends with a flashback or series of flashbacks in the middle to explicate. It's a sci fi writer's trick, and it works here as a hook marvelously. By the last 10 pages or so I couldn't put it down. I only wished that by the end of the book I had found Jon-Jon's experience more worthy of a book (So you wear a skirt! That's cool, what else you got?), as his writing certainly deserves more exposure.
September 22, 2011
Overall, this was just okay. Some parts were simply boring, and others were annoying or offensive enough that I was tempted to ditch it and move on to my next book. I stuck with it because it is also, at times, witty and entertaining.
The author is a very privileged white boy, fairly bright, who is excruciatingly vain and self-absorbed. He criticizes himself frequently, but in a way that makes me think he secretly thinks he's the bee's knees. He makes sweeping generalizations about females and other large classes of people and seems not to have explored his personal biases at all. Instead, he seems to have spent most of his time minutely examining odd and random events in his life to which he attributes deep significance.
The organization is random, paranthetical, tangential, and repetitive. This isn't entirely bad, but a bit of tidying for clarity would have been an improvement. I'd give another book by this author a chance, and I hope Gray Flannel Skirt isn't his best effort.
The author is a very privileged white boy, fairly bright, who is excruciatingly vain and self-absorbed. He criticizes himself frequently, but in a way that makes me think he secretly thinks he's the bee's knees. He makes sweeping generalizations about females and other large classes of people and seems not to have explored his personal biases at all. Instead, he seems to have spent most of his time minutely examining odd and random events in his life to which he attributes deep significance.
The organization is random, paranthetical, tangential, and repetitive. This isn't entirely bad, but a bit of tidying for clarity would have been an improvement. I'd give another book by this author a chance, and I hope Gray Flannel Skirt isn't his best effort.
December 10, 2011
This was the first book I read on my new Kindle (kindly gifted by my brother -- a kind kindle gift!). It was a great book to read on the Kindle because I wasn't sure if I wanted to invest in buying the book, but I did want to read it. The Kindle edition was less of a "commitment." I read a piece by the author in Vogue and was impressed with his writing. The story -- of basically the first metrosexual man ever and his poor, confused childhood -- sucked me in a lot more than I thought it would. While the content may not be for everyone, I think kids who feel alienated, who are trying to figure out who they are, will really enjoy this book. I think the author shoudl do a YA graphic novel version. I loved the story about Goulian's boss, who approved of his stuffed animals saying something like, "By God, we need all the help we can get!" If you feel weird about your teenage years or are struggling through them, this book will make you feel a lot better!
July 1, 2011
I received this from goodreads as a first reads pick and was excited to read it!
It was a fast read but I found myself having a love/hate relationship with the material.
The book is wonderfully written, witty, entertaining and relatable. I mean, who hasn't felt out of place at some point in their lives? As someone who has lived in San Diego, I also enjoyed Mr. Goulian's anecdotes about the area.
On the other side of the coin, it was maddening! Who throws away the opportunities that he was given? How uniquely American. With so many who would kill for those opportunities, why should we sympathize or even care? In that sense, it reeks of privilege which I found irritating.
All in all, whether you chalk it up to neuroses, mental illness or the eccentricity of the privileged - it was a fascinating look inside one man's mind.
It was a fast read but I found myself having a love/hate relationship with the material.
The book is wonderfully written, witty, entertaining and relatable. I mean, who hasn't felt out of place at some point in their lives? As someone who has lived in San Diego, I also enjoyed Mr. Goulian's anecdotes about the area.
On the other side of the coin, it was maddening! Who throws away the opportunities that he was given? How uniquely American. With so many who would kill for those opportunities, why should we sympathize or even care? In that sense, it reeks of privilege which I found irritating.
All in all, whether you chalk it up to neuroses, mental illness or the eccentricity of the privileged - it was a fascinating look inside one man's mind.
September 2, 2011
This is a memoir that I think is supposed to be funnier than I found it--the fascination with cross dressing (which is what I would call this, not androgyny) and the anxiety about sex screams get yourself to a therapist ASAP, rather than writing a book about it (although maybe you have to admit it to yourself before you can tell someone else and this is like bloggin about it big time). I found it strangely sad--I did not feel sorry for the author--not that kind of sad, but rather it left me perplexed and very aware there was nothing I could do about this.
July 26, 2011
I LOVED this book. It struck me, sort of, as the male Bossypants - the story of how a quite unusual character came to be. I loved how Goulian walked me through his life. I loved that he credits his "androgyne about town" status to just, well, fate - not crappy parents or a crappy childhood, anything like that. I couldn't wait to finish it and was sad when it ended. If you like stories about curious lives, read this book.
August 7, 2011
Poor cyclical writing that never goes anywhere or says anything. Boring. Pathetic.
July 10, 2011
I found this was a very strange book. I would not recommend it to anyone.
August 1, 2011
No substance here. None. :(
December 22, 2017
Get past the pretentiousness, dig deep into the most personal of vulnerabilities and this book may end up surprising the most hardened of cynics.
June 12, 2011
This was a very surprising and interesting memoir. I'm not exactly sure how to describe it because I'm not exactly sure how to describe Jon-Jon. That's kind of the whole point of the book; Jon-Jon's trying to explain not only to his family and friends and readers, but also to himself, who he is and how he became who he is. He had a promising start in a family full of potential, excelling in advanced placement math and science classes and a star athlete on his school's soccer team. But somehow along the way he morphed from "Jock + Scholar to Sexually Neutered Androgyne," i.e., he started wearing skirts, pumps, and lipsticks and quit having any interest in sports and future academic prospects. Around this time Jon-Jon decides to get his ears pierced and the way he explains the complexity of this decision (which ear(s) to pierce and their socially understood meanings) sheds light on the conundrum that his parents (and everyone else for that matter) will face when wondering, "what is he?"
"Earrings in both the right ear and the left ear were unclear. They meant that you were (a) gay; or (b) that you were not only gay but also a budding transvestite; or (c) that you were not gay but only a budding transvestite; or (d) that you were not gay, and not a budding transvestite, but just weird and confused and in need of some sort of psychological counseling."
I'm still not quite sure what to make of Jon-Jon. At first I thought he was just a vain, attention-seeking drama queen (I just didn't understand why a man would insist on wearing outlandish, sometimes down-right hoochie, women's clothing if he wasn't gay). But after reading about his childhood and relating to parts of it, I feel a lot of compassion for him and just hope he'll be all right. His life is kind of depressing. It doesn't seem like he'll ever be physically or mentally able to have a lasting romantic relationship (unless he has some hardcore counseling sessions to sort through his various issues) and he's currently living alone in Vermont spending his time gardening, so it seems like he'd be quite lonely. I just want to give the guy a hug.
Jon-Jon had a painfully awkward childhood. Like literally, physically painful - he had what appeared to be a third testicle that he was too terrified to show to his doctor father so he ended up just ignoring it and hoping it would go away (he later learns that this mysterious third ball is something called an inguinal hernia and gets it taken care of). On top of having that, his dad is an extreme health nut and has his entire family on a strict diet with no processed foods or junk food (which added fear of clogged arteries and stroke to Jon-Jon's already long list of paranoias). Add to this the stress and pressure of extremely high expectations from his entire family (his two brothers ended up becoming a lawyer and a physicist while his father and mother were a doctor and lawyer respectively, and his grandfather was a famous philosopher). I really loved his Armenian grandmother, Granny Shammy, who unwaveringly insisted that her favorite grandson grow up to become a doctor and heal people and make the world a better place. I think everyone has had a grandparent (or someone) who has placed an immense amount of hope in their grandchild and it makes you want to do everything worldly possible not to disappoint them. Granny Shammy reminded me of my German grandmother, with her similar thick accent and love-filled letters filled with typos and misspellings that make you hear her voice through her carefully penned words. I could completely understand Jon-Jon's willingness to do whatever it took to keep that woman happy.
I was extremely surprised to feel a sense of camaraderie with Jon-Jon. He initially seemed like the complete opposite of me and my personality, but we actually had a lot of the same tics and obsessions growing up. We both assumed every bump, ache, and ailment was a life-threatening disease or some rare form of cancer that would leave us dead within a year. We both were loners who preferred the company of books to that of kids our age (we're just not party people). And it took us a while to figure out what the hell to do with our lives (I think we're both still kind of working on that one too). Oh, and in one of my favorite parts of the book, I would have reacted the exact same way had I just moved to NYC right after reading The Victim's Song. I just would've been freaking the f out and expecting at any moment to get stabbed or shot or raped by crazed men in trench coats with crazed looks in their eyes. I even get scared walking around downtown Little Rock at night because there's the occasional bum and/or hoodlum, so I really doubt I would've made it for as long as JJ did in NY. So overall, even though I don't completely understand the man, I can definitely admire him. Like I said, very interesting.
"Earrings in both the right ear and the left ear were unclear. They meant that you were (a) gay; or (b) that you were not only gay but also a budding transvestite; or (c) that you were not gay but only a budding transvestite; or (d) that you were not gay, and not a budding transvestite, but just weird and confused and in need of some sort of psychological counseling."
I'm still not quite sure what to make of Jon-Jon. At first I thought he was just a vain, attention-seeking drama queen (I just didn't understand why a man would insist on wearing outlandish, sometimes down-right hoochie, women's clothing if he wasn't gay). But after reading about his childhood and relating to parts of it, I feel a lot of compassion for him and just hope he'll be all right. His life is kind of depressing. It doesn't seem like he'll ever be physically or mentally able to have a lasting romantic relationship (unless he has some hardcore counseling sessions to sort through his various issues) and he's currently living alone in Vermont spending his time gardening, so it seems like he'd be quite lonely. I just want to give the guy a hug.
Jon-Jon had a painfully awkward childhood. Like literally, physically painful - he had what appeared to be a third testicle that he was too terrified to show to his doctor father so he ended up just ignoring it and hoping it would go away (he later learns that this mysterious third ball is something called an inguinal hernia and gets it taken care of). On top of having that, his dad is an extreme health nut and has his entire family on a strict diet with no processed foods or junk food (which added fear of clogged arteries and stroke to Jon-Jon's already long list of paranoias). Add to this the stress and pressure of extremely high expectations from his entire family (his two brothers ended up becoming a lawyer and a physicist while his father and mother were a doctor and lawyer respectively, and his grandfather was a famous philosopher). I really loved his Armenian grandmother, Granny Shammy, who unwaveringly insisted that her favorite grandson grow up to become a doctor and heal people and make the world a better place. I think everyone has had a grandparent (or someone) who has placed an immense amount of hope in their grandchild and it makes you want to do everything worldly possible not to disappoint them. Granny Shammy reminded me of my German grandmother, with her similar thick accent and love-filled letters filled with typos and misspellings that make you hear her voice through her carefully penned words. I could completely understand Jon-Jon's willingness to do whatever it took to keep that woman happy.
I was extremely surprised to feel a sense of camaraderie with Jon-Jon. He initially seemed like the complete opposite of me and my personality, but we actually had a lot of the same tics and obsessions growing up. We both assumed every bump, ache, and ailment was a life-threatening disease or some rare form of cancer that would leave us dead within a year. We both were loners who preferred the company of books to that of kids our age (we're just not party people). And it took us a while to figure out what the hell to do with our lives (I think we're both still kind of working on that one too). Oh, and in one of my favorite parts of the book, I would have reacted the exact same way had I just moved to NYC right after reading The Victim's Song. I just would've been freaking the f out and expecting at any moment to get stabbed or shot or raped by crazed men in trench coats with crazed looks in their eyes. I even get scared walking around downtown Little Rock at night because there's the occasional bum and/or hoodlum, so I really doubt I would've made it for as long as JJ did in NY. So overall, even though I don't completely understand the man, I can definitely admire him. Like I said, very interesting.
May 19, 2011
I received an advance copy of this book through the First Reads program.
This memoir is Jon-Jon Goulian's best attempt to answer the question, asked by his family, friends, and even his younger self, "Why are you the way you are?" Coming from a family of successful and relatively normal people, Jon-Jon found himself drowning in a sea of high expectations, and seems to have spent his entire adult life running from them. Despite a promising start to his academic and athletic careers, Jon-Jon gave up soccer and tough classes as he made the transition from "Jock + Scholar to Sexually Neutered Androgyne." He found wearing women's clothing and make-up felt more comfortable to him, strangely because it allowed him to both hide and be noticed. Women's clothes were better than men's clothes at hiding or distracting from his self-perceived physical imperfections and helped him blend into the background when he was living in a women's dorm. Yet, he also found the "sense of being intriguing" for his new look affirming, and began to make it more extreme as people began to get used to it.
Throughout Jon-Jon's explanation of (almost a defense of) how he became the man in the gray flannel skirt, he is open and often funny when describing his life, and there are times when Jon-Jon can appear to be a very compassionate person, as when he works with the Alzheimer's patients. However, most of the time, he is, as his grandmother notices quite easily, "self-absorbed, narcissistic, and vain," and a little disconnected from reality. Ultimately, this portrayal is too far tilted toward self-absorption to make him exceedingly likable, but he definitely reaches the level of intriguing, which is probably really all he ever needed.
This memoir is Jon-Jon Goulian's best attempt to answer the question, asked by his family, friends, and even his younger self, "Why are you the way you are?" Coming from a family of successful and relatively normal people, Jon-Jon found himself drowning in a sea of high expectations, and seems to have spent his entire adult life running from them. Despite a promising start to his academic and athletic careers, Jon-Jon gave up soccer and tough classes as he made the transition from "Jock + Scholar to Sexually Neutered Androgyne." He found wearing women's clothing and make-up felt more comfortable to him, strangely because it allowed him to both hide and be noticed. Women's clothes were better than men's clothes at hiding or distracting from his self-perceived physical imperfections and helped him blend into the background when he was living in a women's dorm. Yet, he also found the "sense of being intriguing" for his new look affirming, and began to make it more extreme as people began to get used to it.
Throughout Jon-Jon's explanation of (almost a defense of) how he became the man in the gray flannel skirt, he is open and often funny when describing his life, and there are times when Jon-Jon can appear to be a very compassionate person, as when he works with the Alzheimer's patients. However, most of the time, he is, as his grandmother notices quite easily, "self-absorbed, narcissistic, and vain," and a little disconnected from reality. Ultimately, this portrayal is too far tilted toward self-absorption to make him exceedingly likable, but he definitely reaches the level of intriguing, which is probably really all he ever needed.
August 21, 2011
Decent though ultimately sad. I could relate to Goulian's indecision, identity crisis, despair over a potentially wasted life, exhaustion at the world... The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit is apparently about taking responsibility for one's own life (according to Goodreads' summary)...something Goulian still struggles to do as he approaches his 40's. Also he wears skirts. So--good title. This guy has the background and the intelligence to really delve into gender theory and critique society from his particular point of view (privileged, white, educated and gender-bending) yet he chooses not to...maybe he'll gain confidence from the book and go for it? Goulian has so much potential--even he knows it, the guy got through law school and is clearly smart and articulate and manages to make a memoir about his inner life (not much happens but he has interesting analysis) engaging. Sure, he's pathetic, but it's an interesting kind of patheticness...one to which I can relate and empathize, though I sometimes felt like his parents did and wanted to shake him and tell him to pull himself together.
He and my favorite gender-bending model Andrej Pejic could be buddies...but Andrej at least has a career, an outgoing personality, and a plan. But if Jon-Jon is happy gardening in Vermont, that's ok, too. Americans have a tendency to want to punish, or at least dismiss, the unambitious, the confused, the unfocused... maybe that's not the right approach. Regardless the guy managed to write a book and have it published. Not too shabby.
He and my favorite gender-bending model Andrej Pejic could be buddies...but Andrej at least has a career, an outgoing personality, and a plan. But if Jon-Jon is happy gardening in Vermont, that's ok, too. Americans have a tendency to want to punish, or at least dismiss, the unambitious, the confused, the unfocused... maybe that's not the right approach. Regardless the guy managed to write a book and have it published. Not too shabby.
June 27, 2011
I am thankful to have won this book as a Goodreads First Read Giveaway.
It is a little hard to review memoirs for the writing and experience with the story, and not have it seem like you are reviewing the person's life. In an attempt to not provide any spoilers or joke punchlines, I can say that Jon Jon has had quite an interesting life, full of so many ups and downs.
This is a down-to-earth memoir that is very blunt, straight-forward and comical. I really enjoyed that the book got to the point and incorporated so much comedy. The book is split up into different segments of the authors dramatic life. He battled so much anxiety while dealing with his own personal identity and medical problems. I think everyone can identify with him, since we have all felt like outcasts at times. My heart really went out to him. This book really helped me become more aware and accepting of other people's differences. I just really sympathized with his anxiety towards medical conditions. My only problem with the book seemed very defensive, almost to the point where I felt the author wrote the book out of spite, and the chronology confused me at times. I would still recommend it because it really had me laughing at loud.
It is a little hard to review memoirs for the writing and experience with the story, and not have it seem like you are reviewing the person's life. In an attempt to not provide any spoilers or joke punchlines, I can say that Jon Jon has had quite an interesting life, full of so many ups and downs.
This is a down-to-earth memoir that is very blunt, straight-forward and comical. I really enjoyed that the book got to the point and incorporated so much comedy. The book is split up into different segments of the authors dramatic life. He battled so much anxiety while dealing with his own personal identity and medical problems. I think everyone can identify with him, since we have all felt like outcasts at times. My heart really went out to him. This book really helped me become more aware and accepting of other people's differences. I just really sympathized with his anxiety towards medical conditions. My only problem with the book seemed very defensive, almost to the point where I felt the author wrote the book out of spite, and the chronology confused me at times. I would still recommend it because it really had me laughing at loud.
November 4, 2011
When I signed up for the free goodreads giveaway of this book, I originally thought it was called "The Man in the Grey Flannel Shirt" which definitely led to some confusion upon receiving the book. After I figured out the correct title, and got used to the style and theme of the story, I was able to thoroughly enjoy the read. The book is separated into several chapters that skip around through his life--each chapter focusing on scattered events of his life that share similar themes. Goulian illustrates these life stories with a blunt, yet quirky sense of humor that makes the book extremely enjoyable to read. Parts of Goulian's book were literally laugh-out-loud funny, and his narrations of his thought process for different situations are always hilarious. Despite his comical tone, he still manages to establish many serious and heartfelt scenes in the book, which were easy to relate to and written with honesty. This book was also an eye opener for me, and a few parts of the book were...interesting, but in the end I thought this was a very good read. It was quirky, fast paced, and also quite informative. I would certainly recommend reading the book!
June 26, 2011
What an entertaining author! I won this advance copy from Goodreads First Reads. I entered this giveaway thinking it was the Guy in the Gray Flannel Suit... I found this author's style of writing quite interesting, yet I had difficulty identifying with this character. He seemed to have so many insecurities despite the fact that he was quite talented and gifted. He seemed so obsessed with his appearance, and at times it seemed to me that he wanted to "shock" others with his dress and his actions... I had the feeling that he was quite self-absorbed and "walked to his own drummer", almost totally ignoring others' feelings. However, I found this book to be quite delightful and amusing to read.
November 17, 2011
I liked this book because I like quirky people pouring their heart and innermost secrets out onto the page. If the book's purpose was to explain why he was the way he was I don't think he answered it. It was amazing for me to read how Jon-Jon's self-perceived poor body image caused him to put so many restrictions on himself, not to mention quirky habits.
As far as the writing goes, it was meandering. So many tangents that took you so far you forgot what he was trying to explain. But he did always bring it back around and remind you what he was explaining before revealing the conclusion of the chapter.
As far as the writing goes, it was meandering. So many tangents that took you so far you forgot what he was trying to explain. But he did always bring it back around and remind you what he was explaining before revealing the conclusion of the chapter.
August 11, 2011
I received this book via a goodreads giveaway. It was great! If you've ever felt like you didn't fit in, this is the book for you. Jon-Jon writes about very sensitive issues for most of us with such humor and joie de vie the book is hard to put down. I started it, but was in the middle of moving across country, and it got lost in the shuffle. After finding it again, I restarted it and finished it in one day. Truly enjoyed this book and would recommend it to almost everybody who has ever been uncomfortable in their own skin.
February 3, 2012
Although this book meandered a bit too much for me at times, jumping around chronologically and using some rather long sentences, I don't think I've read anything quite like it. I think it is a very relevant book for our times. Can we file this under a new category called Therapeutic Memoir? I was touched by Jon-Jon's story, even if I was not always sure where it was going. However, lack of clear direction does not a poor book make, and in the end I got it. I learned some tolerance and probably a thing or two about myself while being taken for an emotional ride.
August 27, 2011
This book was so enticing -- a great title, a super author photo on the rear cover, and a sassy introduction. Several chapters made me think of David Sedaris' wit and self-deprecating humor. I was even drawn in by a direct reference to my x-sister-in-law's-sister (confusing...). None of this, however, was strong enough to make me really excited about reading 200+ pages of why some 40-something man never got his shit together.
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