SEVEN WIVES AND SEVEN PRISONS, OR, EXPERIENCES IN THE LIFE OF A MATRIMONIAL MANIAC. A TRUE STORY.

by L.A. Abbott

SEVEN WIVES AND SEVEN
OR EXPERIENCES IN THE LIFE OF A
MATRIMONIAL MANIAC. A TRUE STORY.
WRITTEN BY HIMSELF.

NEW
PUBLISHED FOR THE AUTHOR. 1870.






CONTENTS





CHAPTER 1. THE FIRST AND WORST WIFE My Early History. The First
Marriage. Leaving Home to Prospect. Sending for My Wife. Her
Mysterious Journey. Where I Found Her. Ten Dollars for Nothing. A
Fascinating Hotel Clerk. My Wife's Confession. From Bad to Worse.
Final Separation. Trial for Forgery. A Private Marriage. Summary
Separation.

CHAPTER II. MISERIES FROM MY SECOND MARRIAGE. Love-Making in
Massachusetts. Arrest for Bigamy. Trial at Northampton. A Stunning
Sentence. Sent to State Prison. Learning the Brush Business.
Sharpening Picks. Prison Fare. In the Hospital. Kind Treatment.
Successful Horse-Shoeing. The Warden my Friend. Efforts for my
Release. A Full Pardon.

CHAPTER III. THE SCHEIMER SENSATION. The Scheimer Family. In Love
With Sarah. Attempt to Elope. How it was Prevented. Second Attempt.
A Midnight Expedition. The Alarm. A Frightful Beating. Escape,
Flogging the Devil out of Sarah. Return to New Jersey. "Boston
Yankee." Plans to Secure Sarah.

CHAPTER IV. SUCCESS WITH SARAH. Mary Smith as a Confederate. The
Plot. Waiting in the Woods. The Spy Outwitted. Sarah Secured. The
Pursuers Baffled. Night on the Road. Efforts to Get Married. "The
Old Offender." Married at Last. A Constable after Sarah. He Gives it
Up. An Ale Orgie. Return to "Boston Yankee's." A Home in Goshen.

CHAPTER V. HOW THE SCHEIMERS MADE ME SUFFER. Return to Scheimer's.
Peace, and then Pandemonium. Frightful Family Row. Running for
Refuge. The Gang Again. Arrest at Midnight. Struggle with my
Captors. In Jail Once More. Put in Irons. A Horrible Prison.
Breaking Out. The Dungeon. Sarah's Baby. . Curious Compromises. Old
Scheimer my Jailer. Signing a Bond. Free Again. Last Words from
Sarah.

CHAPTER VI. FREE LIFE AND FISHING. Taking Care of Crazy Men.
Carrying off a Boy. Arrested for Stealing my Own Horse and Buggy.
Fishing in Lake Winnepisiogee. An Odd Landlord. A Woman as Big as a
Hogshead. Reducing the Hogshead to a Barrel. Wonderful Verification
of a Dream. Successful Medical Practice. A Busy Winter in New
Hampshire. Blandishments of Captain Brown. I go to Newark, New
Jersey.

CHAPTER VII. WEDDING A WIDOW AND THE CONSEQUENCES. I Marry a Widow.
Six Weeks of Happiness. Confiding a Secret, and the Consequences.
The Widow's Brother. Sudden Flight from Newark. In Hartford, Conn.
My Wife's Sister Betrays Me. Trial for Bigamy. Sentenced to Ten
Years' Imprisonment. I Become a "Bobbin Boy." A Good Friend.
Governor Price Visits me in Prison. He Pardons Me. Ten Years'
Sentence Fulfilled in Seven Months.

CHAPTER VIII. ON THE KEEN SCENT. Good Resolutions. Enjoying Freedom.
Going After a Crazy Man. The Old Tempter in a New Form. Mary Gordon.
My New "Cousin." Engaged Again. Visit to the Old Folks at Home.
Another Marriage. Starting for Ohio. Change of Plans. Domestic
Quarrels. Unpleasant Stories about Mary. Bound Over to Keep the
Peace. Another Arrest for Bigamy. A Sudden Flight. Secreted Three
Weeks in a Farm House. Recaptured at Concord. Escaped Once More.

Genres: Nonfiction, History, Marriage, Biography

133 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1870

Reviews

[Jason Koivu · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Some one has said that if any man would faithfully write his autobiography, giving truly his own history and experiences, the ills and joys, the haps and mishaps that had fallen to his lot, he could not fail to make an interesting story." Well Mr. Abbott, I'm not sure that's true for everyone, but it's certainly true for you!

I knew nothing about Seven Wives and Seven Prisons, but with chapter subtitles like "My first and worst wife" and "My own son tries to murder me," it's been a long time since I got this excited about reading a book, and I wasn't disappointed.

In the early-to-mid 1800s, Abbott bounced around the United States northeast from one state to the next, getting married and - more often than not - getting thrown in prison because of that marriage.

"She said she was lonely; she sighed; she smiled, and I was lost."

Says Abbott, "I was a monomaniac on the subject of matrimony" and after reading a mere couple chapters you will believe him through and through.

The man seemed incapable of even looking at a woman without ending up married to her. Not bothering to get a divorce from his first wife caused many of his problems, as - even though he was still married to her - he continued to elope with other women. Dude needed to get his priorities in order. But time and time again, he fell into the same old trap, never seeming to truly learn from his mistakes: "As my readers know by this time, all experience, even the bitterest, was utterly thrown away upon me; I seemed to get out of one scrape only to walk, with my eyes open, straight into another."

Aiding and abetting him was his love of liquor, an underlying sort of disdain for authority and a fancy-free attitude, an almost vagabond's outlook on life. He may not be to blame for these tendencies, as it appears his father had a wayward nature that forced itself on young Abbott's upbringing. As a young man, he started off as an apprentice blacksmith to his father, moving with him here and there upon his father's whim.

And then - BAM! - Abbott just kinda became a doctor. As an author, he doesn't dally on the little details. He speeds up the timeline of his life so much that occasionally important questions like, oh I don't, "how did you become a doctor?" for the most part go unanswered.

After a while I was asking myself, like poor little drugged up David after the dentist on Youtube...

Is this real life?

This guy's life is almost too ridiculous to believe. He reminds me of Candide. All manner of mishap befalls him. At any second I was expecting him to get one of his buttocks chopped off. Granted, stories can sound like legend when only the most interesting highlights over the length of one's life are compiled into one tightly packed narrative. But in the very least, I would guess that Abbott is giving us a biased account of his side of the story, maybe with a dash of fisherman's-tale embellishment.

I've tried to verify the story, but there is scant info on the man. In the end, does it really matter? This is just a hell of a fun story. Read it and enjoy it.


If you're interested, you can find Seven Wives and Seven Prisons for free at Project Gutenberg: http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/4667

[Tamar...playing hooky for a few hours today · Rating 5 out of 5]

(2026) I chose this picareque story/novella for this week's selection of the GR Short Story Club, so I had the opportunity of a reread and new thoughts.

I viewed this novella/long short story as pure entertainment. The author of the "autobiography" was a self-proclaimed "matrimonial monomaniac", who married seven times without bothering to divorce his first wife and served time in seven prisons for among other things, bigamy.

If I was going to look for a deeper message. I think the author may have intended a satire of the legal system and marriage in general at the time. Whether or not there was a deeper message, or whether or not the author intended one (although picareque might indicate there was one), the fact is, or rather was, that marriage at the time basically stripped a woman of any rights (property, body, and soul) and basically made her the property of her husband. So, the legal system at the time, tho' seeming harsh was probably intended to deter potential scoundrels and provide some protection to the weaker party. At least, I'd like to hope so. Clearly our instant miscreant was not deterred. I also think perhaps the author might have been making a statement about snake oil salesmen, whose “patent medicines” were more accessible and less frightening than traditional medicine (blood-letting, blistering…) in the mid-1800’s – not to mention sweeter and highly addictive (containing narcotics and toxic chemicals). Although' self-published, this kind of novella/story might have been popular at the time and widely sold by travelling peddlars, street corners, kiosks, train stations and the like.

Although the author viewed his book as a candid defensive autobiography, the novella might be akin to European medieval Fool's Literature where the protagonist meets danger, suffers the consequences, and immediately repeats the exact same mistake. Self-branding himself a matrimonial maniac, he viewed his addiction to marriage as an uncontrollable impulse dragging him along, essentially rendering himself a "Marrying Fool".

Although the writing style was popular and not elitist. The author clearly knew his target audience. The prose was sound and flowed nicely.

And in a concluding reflection (for now), I noted ambiguity to Abbott's message; it is never entirely clear who he is poking fun at. He seems to equally lampoon both the rigid, judgmental upper-class establishment and the messy, impulse-driven lower classes. Even if the well-to-do wouldn't be caught dead reading this book in public, they might have done so in the private. As satire, Abbott safely lands punches on both sides of the 19th-century social divide.

Seven Wives and Seven Prisons; Or, Experiences in the Life of a Matrimonial Monomaniac. a True Story is available free on the Gutenberg Project, also, on Librivox at the respective links:

(text) https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/4667
(librivox) https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/23705

(2017) I read this book (86 pages) a few years ago...I was surfing Gutenberg when I landed upon this hilarious title and absolutely had to read it... Rogue and Scoundrel immediately come to mind just by glancing at the title and chapter headings. Jane Austen also comes to mind - would she had seen into the heart and soul of the villainous Wickham, perhaps she would have penned a humorous novel from his point of view. Try as I may, I could find no record of this author and, despite his interesting moral character, I cannot say whether he was a reliable narrator or not. We were treated only to his unique point of view. This is not haute literature but then neither is much of what I find myself reading today. If you are looking for a quick and humorous read, I recommend.

Kudos to Librivox Narrator Kehinde whoever you may be. Thank you Project Gutenberg:

https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/4667 and Librivox

[Cecily · Rating 2 out of 5]

Being a “matrimonial monomaniac” is not as exciting as it may sound. I often enjoy unreliable narrators whom I would not befriend in real life, but this was repetitive, predictable, and the narrator-cum-protagonist had no redeeming qualities. It seems to be intended to be both plausible and amusing. It was neither for me. Just ridiculous and unkind, including some relationships with icky age gaps.

Published in the US in 1870, it purports to be the memoir of a man addicted to marriage (and therefore guilty of bigamy), told in 15 chapters, each starting with a spoiler-filled bullet list in all-caps. Some of the ‘marriages’ are more legitimate than others, but it’s all about him, the money he makes as a quack doctor, and his spells in prison. He’s generally self-centred, but blames others for his misfortune. There’s precious little concern for the women and children he leaves in his wake, except for a smidgen of interest in his eldest son, Henry, by his “first and worst wife”.

He makes reasonable money when not in prison, but he’s not wealthy, and I had no idea what all these women saw in him.

There’s lots of mention of US towns and cities, most of which meant nothing to me, but maybe that works for USicans. I also found the timelines vague.

It’s more of a novella than a short story, and I only finished it because we were reading it in The Short Story Club. I’m hoping members’ comments will help me appreciate it more than I did.


Image: Elkanah, a Biblical bigamist, with only two wives, Hannah (mother of Samuel) and Peninnah. (Source)

Short story club

I read this with The Short Story Club.

You can read this story HERE.

You can join the group here.

[Amanda NEVER MANDY · Rating 2 out of 5]

“But, as my readers know by this time, all experience, even the bitterest, was utterly thrown away upon me; I seemed to get out of one scrape only to walk, with my eyes open, straight into another.”

Do a thing. It ends badly.

Do the exact same thing again. It ends badly.

Do the exact same thing a third time because who knows why at this point. It ends badly.

Run away from the consequences of your actions and blame others. It ends badly for them.

Tell an overly detailed story about every boring step of a journey. It ends badly for the reader.

When I first started reading this one, I liked it. The writing style and lead character showed promise. I also liked how the story opened a window to the past. Unfortunately, whatever spark it had for a moment quickly fizzled out. The lead character became obnoxious with his antics, and the sharing of every detailed aspect of his travels was as entertaining as having somebody share their to-do list.

Would I recommend it? Nope.

[Hamidreza · Rating 3 out of 5]

that was crazy

[Larrry G · Rating 4 out of 5]

well that was something else - I'm giving it 4 rolling stones for rolling along rockingly, albeit rockily. The moral of this story is don't tack a moral onto a purely entertaining story without one.

[Thom Swennes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Unlike the vast majority of the 19th Century novels that inevitably describe a love at first sight that grows to a long and happy life of matrimonial bliss, this story tells the other side. The illogical first scenario is as unreasonable as this second and I can only assume that the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Seven Wives and Seven Prisons; Experiences in the Life of a Matrimonial Maniac is proposed to be a true story. Age has taught me that my fellow man (or woman) can do extremely stupid things and this could possibly be one of those cases. The book is written in the form of a recollection and recalls the first marriage of this young man. His new bride took to selling her sexual services and her first explanations satisfied her new husband. To prove that he wasn’t a complete imbecile he finally wakes up and smells the roses. Being a kind hearted (if not all too bright) man he amicably parted with his first wife and their children and took off to build his life elsewhere. Neither one appeared to see any necessity in obtaining a divorce (as that may look like they were in strife) and the man eventually found another maiden that caught his eye and stole his heart. As a sexual relation was only right after marriage, they took the plunge and were again in nuptial ecstasy. As the title reveals, it didn’t last and this poor imbecilic man is charged with bigamy. That he repeats this no less than six more times makes the story as a whole comically entertaining (and stretches boundaries of credence). I think almost everyone will enjoy it and nobody will believe it.

[Helen Leet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book because I discovered from a family member who does genealogy for our family that the Sara in the book who runs away to marry Mr. Abbott and had a child with him, was my great, great grandmother on my Mother's side of the family. I wanted to hate this Mr, Abbott, as he has been presented to me by this family member as a scoundrel, but I must admit I found his book quite amusing. he sounded like quite a con man. Sarah went on to be a mother to ten children, I think three of them were the children of the older widower her father had her marry. We have some family pictures if her, and she was quite small and petite.

[P. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This would be 3 stars had it been longer.

I'm not sure whether this is actually autobiographical or merely allegorical, but either way an interesting story. The poor author describes how after being cheated on after marrying his first young love, he failed to obtain a legal divorce but rather a mere 'amicable separation', and how this and a subsequent 'matrimonial monomania' led him to be brought up on bigamy charges throughout the several states of New England. It really serves as an interesting slice of life for mid 19th century America, subtly revealing aspects of law, justice and corrections, social and moral values and sex relations of the period.

[Sandra Burns · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read from the past

Really enjoyed this story. Even written long ago, it was somewhat still relevant to current days and times. He finally learned his lesson in the end, and got hus reward.

[Peter Dubowski · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good and easy going read. I had some good laughs.

[Scott Harris · Rating 3 out of 5]

Abbott's imaginative account of this man's almost reckless pursuit of love and/or marriage is both humorous and tragic. It demonstrates a bitter perspective on the pursuits of men and women. Readers will resonate with some of the situations and will rail against others. It is hard not to feel the ludicrous sense of compassion for the characters while at the same time marveling at their lunacy.

[Tricia · Rating 4 out of 5]

As the author explains later on, most of his matrimonial follies occurred because of alcohol. I'll leave it to the listener to determine whether or not he finally learned his lesson!

I was expecting more varied and entertaining reasons for ending up in prison, but it was always the same reason: bigamy. But the circumstances of each arrest and imprisonment were varied and entertaining in themselves.

[VLynch · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this story most interesting. It grabbed my attention at the beginning and kept me up late at night. Reading about love and marriage from the point of a man running from the law back in the 1800's was a very unique story line for me. I recommend this book to everyone, there is no sex so nothing to offend anyone other than a fool for love.

[Karla Renee Goforth Abreu · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author casts blame for his misfortunes on everyone but himself, he is always the victim. Some of the tales are so outrageous that believing them is difficult. One wonders how he could make money so quickly when he was unable to stay in one place any extended length of time.
One plus the book has going for it is that it is from another era and a read can be justified if only for that reason.

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This man could be my relative. I have a full genealogy and will need to check. The story is told in the form and fashion of life in the era of the 1850-1870s. Multiple marriages, frequent travel, business done by word of mouth, and relationships forged by the appearance and trust of a story. Although crazy to 20th century readers, this way of life was common.

[Dwight Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a quirky story which I listened to using audio book from LibriVox. There are so many plot changes and unexpected twists and turns that it keeps interest right to the end. The guy was tied up by his weaknesses in so many relationships that it led to all the bigamy which led to being jailed or escaping so many times. I found this on Gutenberg.

[Nathalia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Things to be learned from this book:
- Do get a proper divorce if you are separated from your spouse.
- After going to prison once, stop whatever it was you did to get there, even if it was just illegally marrying.

[Tanya Hurst · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just started listening to the audiobook of this novel. I'm on Chapter 6 - pretty dang quirky, but pretty good nonetheless.

[Betty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amusing chronicles of one man and his seven wives.

[naomi white · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really interesting book, and I think it would make an incredible film.

[Naulayne Raiche Enders · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well written but the main character has a skewed morality and an attitude of entitlement. Just proves that entitlement is not a 20th century problem.

[Andrea Hickman Walker · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was very interesting and quite amusing in places. I have serious doubts as to the veracity of the tales, but I'm not interested enough to do any research into the matter. Fun and light.

[Huston · Rating 3 out of 5]

Comical.

[Jessica Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one was just FUN!!!!

I read it in one sitting! It's one of those stories about a sympathetic rogue, rascal, and general all around Character. Highly recommended!

[Kristin Eoff · Rating 1 out of 5]

I tried to read this boring novella for Goodreads' Short Story Club but couldn't get past Page 10 out of 45 pages. Nothing meaningful or compelling happens, just an irresponsible con man constantly moving from one town in New England to another and meeting a new young woman in each town to seduce and attempt to marry. He breaks laws, gets jailed, lies to everyone, then runs to the next town to start all over again after admittedly never learning his lesson. I had no sympathy for him and couldn't figure out why any respectable woman after the first one would want him. He seemed like a stable enough young man when he married his first wife, but after that, he was clearly trouble. I agree with the farmer that a 40-year-old bigamist is a bad match for his young daughter.

[Hester · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great fun . A picturesque novel poking fun at the porous nature and morals of nineteenth century New England . Our unreliable narrator lives on the hoof improvising a living and falling in love with a whole string of women . Being separated but not divorced from his first wife he faces a whole series of accusations of bigamy resulting in several prison spells . Of course he is the hero of his own story but there's enough self understanding of his many errors to make him a likeable character .

[Sidra · Rating 1 out of 5]

My god, I just couldn't care less.

[Amywilliams · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh.