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Untypical
It’s time to remake the world – the ground-breaking book on what steps we should all be taking for the autistic people in our lives. The modern world is built for needless noise, bright flashing lights, small talk, phone calls, unspoken assumptions and unwritten rules – it can be a nightmarish dystopia for the autistic population. In Untypical, Pete Wharmby lays bare the experience of being ‘different’, explaining with wit and warmth just how exhausting it is to fit in to a world not designed for you.But this book is more than an explanation. After a late diagnosis and a lifetime of ‘masking’, Pete is the perfect interlocutor to explain how our two worlds can meet, and what we can do for the many autistic people in our schools, workplaces and lives. The a practical handbook for all of us to make the world a simpler, better place for autistic people to navigate, and a call to arms for anyone who believes in an inclusive society and wants to be part of the solution.
256 pages, Hardcover
Published March 16, 2023
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 344 reviews
March 30, 2023
Having read this now that i have my diagnosis, was something, like the way i was like OMG me every few lines of this book was a lot. The way that this book is a book about Autistic people and our issues and what to do to help us in the world written by a Autistic Author for Neurotypicals to do better was something. Like as it says, it comes from a Cis White Man's POV. But it also includes other minorities among Autistic individuals. I just want so many to read this 😭
April 9, 2023
One of the best autism books I've ever read, I recommend it to EVERYONE ❤️
April 18, 2023
A grumpy account of the author’s personal experience as an autistic person with reference to some other people’s experiences as reported on Twitter.
I expected something more researched than ‘autistic people I have spoken to over the years’. I now have a very clear idea of what autism as experienced by the author is like, but none of the way in which it can vary between individuals (and between men and women).
It was also not particularly enjoyable reading the author’s disgruntled tone throughout. A little of that is effective for humour, but when it doesn’t ease up it’s just unenjoyable.
I expected something more researched than ‘autistic people I have spoken to over the years’. I now have a very clear idea of what autism as experienced by the author is like, but none of the way in which it can vary between individuals (and between men and women).
It was also not particularly enjoyable reading the author’s disgruntled tone throughout. A little of that is effective for humour, but when it doesn’t ease up it’s just unenjoyable.
April 2, 2023
This is a tricky book to review. I enjoyed it as memoir and as assorted reflections and observations on the experience of neurodivergence and how it can be made more or less unnecessarily challenging.
My first difficulty is because I am keenly aware of the existence in the world and especially around autism of those who enjoy, or are compelled to take, contrarian and hypercritical positions, perhaps because any mistakes or disagreements overshadow anything positive, perhaps because of their particular difficulties in generalising from another's experience. I don't want to be one of those people but it also seems insulting to me to shout "Yay! Autistic person writes a book! Five stars!" And I don't want to insult Pete Wharmby because he strikes me as a decent chap with an engaging, wryly funny writing style, as much right to earn an income as anyone else, and overall I wouldn't want to discourage people from reading it. Why shouldn't we capitalise on his abilities to communicate?
My difficulties with the book may be that I have simply reached my present limit with the "zeal of the autism 'convert'" (ie recently adult diagnosed) I don't think I would have found the book quite so irritating where I did (and I did) had the book been titled differently. For me, it was not the book it says it is on the cover... and doesn't need to be. That's not where its value lies. He's vehement about the annoyances of 'we're all a bit on the spectrum' and 'we all experience that' and rightly so... but, like so many he generalises and stereotypes the 'neurotypical' experience (ie non-autistic)
I wondered if the book could be read a different way - Pete Wharmby made it through school - PE was difficult, a lot of school wasn't, undergraduate and postgraduate English degrees (his abandoned PhD sounded a great topic to me), PGCE, worked as an English teacher in several (but not a red flag number of) schools, including as Head of Department, married and had a child (there seems no suggestion not entirely intentionally) And then, in his mid-30s had a breakdown (which he attributes to the arrival of that baby)...was (apparently to a great deal of surprise, which isn't always the case) diagnosed autistic at this point... and left employment during Covid lockdown. He's now building a career as a writer and speaker on autism and, by his account in this book, as a person who doesn't leave the house. What might we learn from that? (I rather suspect some of the contrarians might say this is all a strong argument that early identification is actively unhelpful and reasonable adjustments unnecessary...)
I am intrigued by what he doesn't say much about and I don't know if that is because he has written about it elsewhere (I've not read his other book, focusing on special interests, which came out last year) or he is saving it for another book. Given what he says about the trigger for his breakdown, he says very little about the experience of being an autistic parent and in book form at least, this is not such a well-documented area and important for the wider community to understand better. I know it isn't really the point of the book but there's a marked lack of detail about how he came to be diagnosed and the experience of assessment (given the long fight so many have)
The unforgivable bit for me (which may or may not be so important to a general readership) is where he gets into PDA territory. He seems to understand some of the controversies, seems sympathetic to the concept of it as a distinct profile. And then he proceeds a) to say he fits it (but it is all kept to a few pages rather than, as his ADHD does, popping up at several points) and, more importantly, to write something which seems to me to bear almost no relation to PDA as described by even the most cursory reading of the PDA website, let alone my experience of a young person diagnosed in 2006.
There's lots of useful insight and reflection - I was especially struck by his comments about unsurprising issues with public transport and that because of restricted earnings autistic people may be more likely to need to use public transport. I agree with a lot of his perspectives that others may contest (eg that autism isn't a 'superpower', although I can see that in this book some people will feel he's erred on the deficit model too much) Many will enjoy the moments of recognition (as I did the issues about shoelaces - but yeah, as another reviewer says, locking elastic laces mate!). There's a muddle around what is down to ADHD, other sometimes deemed neurodivergences, and what is down to autism (let alone mental health difficulties) but people are people not neat labels. And this is not a neat book about how the world isn't built for autistic people and what we should do about it.
My first difficulty is because I am keenly aware of the existence in the world and especially around autism of those who enjoy, or are compelled to take, contrarian and hypercritical positions, perhaps because any mistakes or disagreements overshadow anything positive, perhaps because of their particular difficulties in generalising from another's experience. I don't want to be one of those people but it also seems insulting to me to shout "Yay! Autistic person writes a book! Five stars!" And I don't want to insult Pete Wharmby because he strikes me as a decent chap with an engaging, wryly funny writing style, as much right to earn an income as anyone else, and overall I wouldn't want to discourage people from reading it. Why shouldn't we capitalise on his abilities to communicate?
My difficulties with the book may be that I have simply reached my present limit with the "zeal of the autism 'convert'" (ie recently adult diagnosed) I don't think I would have found the book quite so irritating where I did (and I did) had the book been titled differently. For me, it was not the book it says it is on the cover... and doesn't need to be. That's not where its value lies. He's vehement about the annoyances of 'we're all a bit on the spectrum' and 'we all experience that' and rightly so... but, like so many he generalises and stereotypes the 'neurotypical' experience (ie non-autistic)
I wondered if the book could be read a different way - Pete Wharmby made it through school - PE was difficult, a lot of school wasn't, undergraduate and postgraduate English degrees (his abandoned PhD sounded a great topic to me), PGCE, worked as an English teacher in several (but not a red flag number of) schools, including as Head of Department, married and had a child (there seems no suggestion not entirely intentionally) And then, in his mid-30s had a breakdown (which he attributes to the arrival of that baby)...was (apparently to a great deal of surprise, which isn't always the case) diagnosed autistic at this point... and left employment during Covid lockdown. He's now building a career as a writer and speaker on autism and, by his account in this book, as a person who doesn't leave the house. What might we learn from that? (I rather suspect some of the contrarians might say this is all a strong argument that early identification is actively unhelpful and reasonable adjustments unnecessary...)
I am intrigued by what he doesn't say much about and I don't know if that is because he has written about it elsewhere (I've not read his other book, focusing on special interests, which came out last year) or he is saving it for another book. Given what he says about the trigger for his breakdown, he says very little about the experience of being an autistic parent and in book form at least, this is not such a well-documented area and important for the wider community to understand better. I know it isn't really the point of the book but there's a marked lack of detail about how he came to be diagnosed and the experience of assessment (given the long fight so many have)
The unforgivable bit for me (which may or may not be so important to a general readership) is where he gets into PDA territory. He seems to understand some of the controversies, seems sympathetic to the concept of it as a distinct profile. And then he proceeds a) to say he fits it (but it is all kept to a few pages rather than, as his ADHD does, popping up at several points) and, more importantly, to write something which seems to me to bear almost no relation to PDA as described by even the most cursory reading of the PDA website, let alone my experience of a young person diagnosed in 2006.
There's lots of useful insight and reflection - I was especially struck by his comments about unsurprising issues with public transport and that because of restricted earnings autistic people may be more likely to need to use public transport. I agree with a lot of his perspectives that others may contest (eg that autism isn't a 'superpower', although I can see that in this book some people will feel he's erred on the deficit model too much) Many will enjoy the moments of recognition (as I did the issues about shoelaces - but yeah, as another reviewer says, locking elastic laces mate!). There's a muddle around what is down to ADHD, other sometimes deemed neurodivergences, and what is down to autism (let alone mental health difficulties) but people are people not neat labels. And this is not a neat book about how the world isn't built for autistic people and what we should do about it.
September 1, 2023
There's some interesting stuff here, but the author (self admittedly) spends a lot of time on Twitter, and you can REALLY tell. It has that telltale didactic meets hysteric tone that Twitter addicts seem to adopt. By the end of the book it was really grating on me.
May 11, 2023
Much like Pete Wharmby, I too am coming to terms with what autism means for me in a variety of different scenarios.
While the line between what autism truly means for us and the post-traumatic stress we deal with on daily basis due to the life we continually have to put up with is continuously murky, Wharmby does a great job of identifying all the minutia of the experience.
Untypical proved to be an incredibly useful tool - something I found validating in the many areas of life where I'd most identified my own autism affects me - but not one without its own flaws.
Wharmby often focuses too much on the drawbacks of living with autism (likely due to this books intended audience), and less on the positive attitudes we should be taking forward. I know shock and horror is a common trope for self-help books to follow nowadays to really grip a reader into the motives behind writing, but I think it did Wharmby more injustice than his research conducted via Twitter alone.
It often reads rather grumpy rather than hopeful. I'd reccomend Chloe Hayden's 'Different, Not Less'.
While the line between what autism truly means for us and the post-traumatic stress we deal with on daily basis due to the life we continually have to put up with is continuously murky, Wharmby does a great job of identifying all the minutia of the experience.
Untypical proved to be an incredibly useful tool - something I found validating in the many areas of life where I'd most identified my own autism affects me - but not one without its own flaws.
Wharmby often focuses too much on the drawbacks of living with autism (likely due to this books intended audience), and less on the positive attitudes we should be taking forward. I know shock and horror is a common trope for self-help books to follow nowadays to really grip a reader into the motives behind writing, but I think it did Wharmby more injustice than his research conducted via Twitter alone.
It often reads rather grumpy rather than hopeful. I'd reccomend Chloe Hayden's 'Different, Not Less'.
May 10, 2023
Kind of 3.5 stars because I didn’t really enjoy the tone of the book. Yes, I am ‘neurotypical’, but I picked up this book - I am sensitive to the subject and am willing to learn. Why this unpleasant tone then? I also would have loved to read more about intersectionality and different challenges. I would have liked the author to have done more research on autism (and intersectionality) as this book is clearly just his own voice, and not a very pleasant one, may I add.
Read
October 25, 2023A good, brisk read. The voice really isn't half as snarky as people make out. Wharmby is only occasionally (understandably) miffed, but just as often he is really quite funny.
The discussions in this book are mostly based on personal experiences and experiences volunteered by the author's followers on twitter, so it's very easy to follow and is quite personable. Some might criticise the accounts for being thin on referencing and lacking hardy evidence, but this actually dovetails with the move away from old-fashioned, misguided definitions, born in laboratories by well-meaning or not people just plain getting things wrong, and towards viewing different neurotypes as they exist in reality and interact with a society not built with them in mind. Dated signifiers of autism get refreshed; stiff, rigid movement, for example, gets reframed here as a symptom of stress, which tracks because autistic people are often extremely stressed, and here are ten thousand personal anecdotes about how the author is living in a world that stresses him out, etcetera. In this way, Untypical proves to be an extremely valuable, valid text that engages and informs.
I'd really recommend it to people interested in autism and in making work places/school/home relationships better for the autistic people in their lives. Also, autistic/ADHD readers will surely find great joy in simply pointing and saying, "Look! That's so me! And THAT'S so me. Oh, wait, this one isn't me at all. Nope. But look! That's me! And THAT'S me, too! And-"
The discussions in this book are mostly based on personal experiences and experiences volunteered by the author's followers on twitter, so it's very easy to follow and is quite personable. Some might criticise the accounts for being thin on referencing and lacking hardy evidence, but this actually dovetails with the move away from old-fashioned, misguided definitions, born in laboratories by well-meaning or not people just plain getting things wrong, and towards viewing different neurotypes as they exist in reality and interact with a society not built with them in mind. Dated signifiers of autism get refreshed; stiff, rigid movement, for example, gets reframed here as a symptom of stress, which tracks because autistic people are often extremely stressed, and here are ten thousand personal anecdotes about how the author is living in a world that stresses him out, etcetera. In this way, Untypical proves to be an extremely valuable, valid text that engages and informs.
I'd really recommend it to people interested in autism and in making work places/school/home relationships better for the autistic people in their lives. Also, autistic/ADHD readers will surely find great joy in simply pointing and saying, "Look! That's so me! And THAT'S so me. Oh, wait, this one isn't me at all. Nope. But look! That's me! And THAT'S me, too! And-"
April 30, 2023
i feel like everyone needs to read this book !!
September 8, 2024
So validating and powerfully written.
July 4, 2024
De klachten die ik had bij andere non fictie boeken die ik afgelopen jaar heb gelezen namelijk dat er te veel uitleg wordt gegeven en niet genoeg originele verhalen erin verwerkt worden, dat het niet duidelijk is wie de doelgroep moet zijn heb ik totaal niet bij dit boek. Een perfecte balans van uitleg en eigen verhalen en anecdotes. Ik kon me (surprise!) in alles eigenlijk wel vinden en heb ook een aantal nieuwe dingen geleerd, ook over mijzelf. Een aanrader voor als je nog niet super veel weet over autisme en/of erover wilt leren. Wat ik wel jammer vind is dat het zo negatief is, of, niet altijd de ruimte laat om te groeien of te veranderen qua gedrag. Maar ja rigiditeit is een symptoom van autisme hè.
September 3, 2024
This is a really challenging book to review... I don't want to say it is badly written - in fact, it is generally well-written (or well-spoken as I listened to the audio version). It feels as though this is more like an account of "I got diagnosed quite late and these are all of my specific issues" rather than actually about autism.
A case in point is that I was listening to some of this on a drive with my wife as Wharmby was listing examples of autistic traits which then began to cause my wife to query whether she too was autistic as she felt the same about every example listed in that section of the book (ie. not enjoying making phone calls). But this was something I had already foreseen as some of the previous examples had seemed very generic and shared across numerous neurotypical people I have known across a long period of time. It could also be a concern that some of the more common dislikes of the modern world (ie. disliking the irregularities of bus timetables and then having to sit shoulder-to-shoulder with a stranger) that could have more neurotypical people self-diagnosing as autistic in order to push their own agenda and opinions which could just make the world a more complicated and dangerous place for those actually diagnosed.
There were some parts that rang true - some of the shared stresses of the world in general, the rather useless "here, have some outdated leaflets - good luck!" from the NHS and highlighting the importance of stimming in stressful situations.
The tone of the book is generally very negative about society and while there is definitely a case that places such as offices and schools could do more to improve life for people with autism (or autistic people, as Wharmby insists that defining the autism is primary to defining the person - maybe this is just a linguistic argument we should have?), the way it is portrayed doesn't necessarily work for me.
Also, there were some parts of the book that came across as "Them vs Us" in terms of neurotypical vs neurodivergent which is counter-productive to the harmonious world in which the title of the book suggests we should be doing about it. I feel that any neurotypical people reading/listening to this might find it to be more confrontational than the author intends.
I highly doubt it was the author's intention to do so but at times it felt as though a point would be raised and be covered by "I'm autistic so I know what I'm talking about" and "I'm more autistic than you so my opinion matters more".
I can't say I enjoyed the book but can't say that I disliked it either... Despite the flashes of humour, the overall negative tone is what takes it down to a 2* for me.
A case in point is that I was listening to some of this on a drive with my wife as Wharmby was listing examples of autistic traits which then began to cause my wife to query whether she too was autistic as she felt the same about every example listed in that section of the book (ie. not enjoying making phone calls). But this was something I had already foreseen as some of the previous examples had seemed very generic and shared across numerous neurotypical people I have known across a long period of time. It could also be a concern that some of the more common dislikes of the modern world (ie. disliking the irregularities of bus timetables and then having to sit shoulder-to-shoulder with a stranger) that could have more neurotypical people self-diagnosing as autistic in order to push their own agenda and opinions which could just make the world a more complicated and dangerous place for those actually diagnosed.
There were some parts that rang true - some of the shared stresses of the world in general, the rather useless "here, have some outdated leaflets - good luck!" from the NHS and highlighting the importance of stimming in stressful situations.
The tone of the book is generally very negative about society and while there is definitely a case that places such as offices and schools could do more to improve life for people with autism (or autistic people, as Wharmby insists that defining the autism is primary to defining the person - maybe this is just a linguistic argument we should have?), the way it is portrayed doesn't necessarily work for me.
Also, there were some parts of the book that came across as "Them vs Us" in terms of neurotypical vs neurodivergent which is counter-productive to the harmonious world in which the title of the book suggests we should be doing about it. I feel that any neurotypical people reading/listening to this might find it to be more confrontational than the author intends.
I highly doubt it was the author's intention to do so but at times it felt as though a point would be raised and be covered by "I'm autistic so I know what I'm talking about" and "I'm more autistic than you so my opinion matters more".
I can't say I enjoyed the book but can't say that I disliked it either... Despite the flashes of humour, the overall negative tone is what takes it down to a 2* for me.
June 14, 2023
3.5
This had lots of good information and was coming from a good place, plus I also appreciated that it was a UK autism book.
I didn't really connect with it (much more connected to Devon Price's book) and I felt it was a bit mixed on who it was talking too - autistic people or allistic people - and sometimes it cycled between the two.
At one point he wrote: 'I poured a great deal of energy into meditation and mindfulness, acupuncture and even to yoga.' and I was out, even yoga? What's that supposed to mean (I teach yoga).
Anyway - aside from this, it IS helpful and easy to read and I think a good guide if it clicks for you.
This had lots of good information and was coming from a good place, plus I also appreciated that it was a UK autism book.
I didn't really connect with it (much more connected to Devon Price's book) and I felt it was a bit mixed on who it was talking too - autistic people or allistic people - and sometimes it cycled between the two.
At one point he wrote: 'I poured a great deal of energy into meditation and mindfulness, acupuncture and even to yoga.' and I was out, even yoga? What's that supposed to mean (I teach yoga).
Anyway - aside from this, it IS helpful and easy to read and I think a good guide if it clicks for you.
August 8, 2024
I am autistic, diagnosed at the age of 11, and I stumbled apon this book clearly directed to neurotypicals. However, I found it extremely interesting and I have learned a lot about myself in the process, and found many things discussed relates to me
After diagnosis, autistic people don’t learn about their disability (or very little), we are just waved away by psychiatrists; left to navigate the world of autism by ourselves. This book provides a lot of information which has really helped my understanding about myself even after all this time since my diagnosis.
This is truly an important book, one that needs to be recognised because of its thorough but simple explanations on how autistic people struggle and how to help them. I think that society would be so much better for neurodivergent folk if this book was known.
The writing is absolutely fenomenal, he’s humours and serious at the same time, and I can feel his anger and disappointment in society throughout his pages. It truly is an emotional book and a real eye opener to those who have not experienced the pain and suffering autistic people have to go through in order to be accepted.
After diagnosis, autistic people don’t learn about their disability (or very little), we are just waved away by psychiatrists; left to navigate the world of autism by ourselves. This book provides a lot of information which has really helped my understanding about myself even after all this time since my diagnosis.
This is truly an important book, one that needs to be recognised because of its thorough but simple explanations on how autistic people struggle and how to help them. I think that society would be so much better for neurodivergent folk if this book was known.
The writing is absolutely fenomenal, he’s humours and serious at the same time, and I can feel his anger and disappointment in society throughout his pages. It truly is an emotional book and a real eye opener to those who have not experienced the pain and suffering autistic people have to go through in order to be accepted.
February 17, 2024
All the while listening to this audiobook, I kept wondering what it was that was annoying me so much about it. Yes, it was also the things that people who have given 3 points and less here have described, but it was also something else.
It was that: if I were a neurotypical person reading this book to gain a better understanding of autism and a general sense of what autistic people are really like, I would get such a grim description, that it would put me off wanting to meet one ever.
Somehow the author has taken a group of people, who in my experience are more interesting, deep, intelligent, sensitive, caring and just generally wonderful than, should we say "an average person" (whatever that means), and made them seem like a bunch of entitled raging disabled monsters (it was probably the author's tone that did it).
I also figured it can be a profoundly depressing read after just receiving a diagnosis and diving into the subject, for the author does have a particularly alarmist and negative outlook on things (it is not that he is wrong about the state of things, but the way he delivers this information is unnecessarily dark). I do not recommend it as a first read on the topic (and also, if you are already acquainted with the topic, there will be nothing new in it for you).
It was that: if I were a neurotypical person reading this book to gain a better understanding of autism and a general sense of what autistic people are really like, I would get such a grim description, that it would put me off wanting to meet one ever.
Somehow the author has taken a group of people, who in my experience are more interesting, deep, intelligent, sensitive, caring and just generally wonderful than, should we say "an average person" (whatever that means), and made them seem like a bunch of entitled raging disabled monsters (it was probably the author's tone that did it).
I also figured it can be a profoundly depressing read after just receiving a diagnosis and diving into the subject, for the author does have a particularly alarmist and negative outlook on things (it is not that he is wrong about the state of things, but the way he delivers this information is unnecessarily dark). I do not recommend it as a first read on the topic (and also, if you are already acquainted with the topic, there will be nothing new in it for you).
January 14, 2024
"Pamiętaj, że aż 1 na 20 osób może być autystyczna i prawdopodobnie 1 na 5 osób wykazuje jakieś cechy neuroróżnorodności. [...] Te osoby, które dzielą z tobą planetę i stanowią od jednego do dziesięciu procent ogólnej populacji, potrzebują, abyś podjął wysiłek - w końcu, po tych wszystkich latach - i zaakceptował nas w waszym świecie, abyś wziął ten neurotypowy świat w swoje ręce i uczynił go nietypowym - nietypowym światem, który naprawdę jest stworzony dla wszystkich".
September 16, 2024
Really rather a good introduction to Autism and all those little things that you thought were just you but actually turn out to be autistic traits. Well worth a read if you are autistic and highly worth a read if you are not.
January 7, 2024
3,5 stars; this was a kind of ethnographic work on autistic people by an autistic author; the narrative is informative, friendly and in places even funny (didn't see that coming). Coming from a person with autism it was refreshing to see through his eys and been made witness to his experiences and thought processes as he navigates life. Recommended.
July 7, 2024
Goeie!!
August 6, 2023
To be honest, this book blew me away. I’ve read many books on autism but this by far outshines all the others. Written by Pete Wharmby, who wasn’t diagnosed until he was in his thirties, he is able to give a fairly unique read; from his perception of life growing up believing he wasn’t disabled to now accepting his autistic diagnosis and able to look back on all the ways he masked his autism and the myriad of ways he suffered.
There are so many aspects of this book I can strongly relate to having a teenage son with autism and it compounds my fervent belief and efforts to make the voices of autistic people heard. The neurodiverse community has so much to give but in such an inhospitable society, they miss out on too many opportunities. I see that happening on a daily basis and it makes me sad; I write to my MP to attend autism parliamentary forums and bang my drum just as much as possible but I find those who do not have autism or someone very close to them who does cannot understand the limitations society and the world as a whole place on neurodiverse people.
Some of the statistics are shocking but they are also understandable and reading this book, especially for people who are willing to admit their ignorance on what it means to be autistic, might just shake the ground a little more to help make the changes that are crucial to give those on the spectrum a better chance at a normal life.
I haven’t felt so passionate about a book for a long time as I do about this. It covers so much - communication and social interaction, eye contact, masking, meltdowns, anxiety, depression, suicide, the nightmarish reality of school/college leading into the high levels of unemployment and means to make a decent living to allow more independence, to coping with trying to make a path through a foggy world not built to allow autistic people a clear way through, battling on day by day, week by week, month by month and so on.
Life expectancy is reduced, sensory attacks are around every corner and the most simple things many people take for granted are a huge minefield for those with a spectrum diagnosis - making a telephone call, tying shoelaces, using cutlery, getting groceries, using public transport…
Sounds bleak doesn’t it? But that is the reality lived for so many - too many.
Yet, the writing in this book is superb! It is witty, honest, relatable and not in the slightest like a text on autism. It is real and it is searingly thought-provoking. It was full of moments where I nodded along and some where I chuckled to myself because it is so relatable and easy to read.
I urge EVERYONE to read this book and try to do your bit to understand those who are autistic, as one thing is for certain - you will meet many people on the spectrum during your life and quite frankly, the more you meet the better. We need neurodiverse people to be seen as a constant and normal part of our society. Change is needed and it is needed now.
There are so many aspects of this book I can strongly relate to having a teenage son with autism and it compounds my fervent belief and efforts to make the voices of autistic people heard. The neurodiverse community has so much to give but in such an inhospitable society, they miss out on too many opportunities. I see that happening on a daily basis and it makes me sad; I write to my MP to attend autism parliamentary forums and bang my drum just as much as possible but I find those who do not have autism or someone very close to them who does cannot understand the limitations society and the world as a whole place on neurodiverse people.
Some of the statistics are shocking but they are also understandable and reading this book, especially for people who are willing to admit their ignorance on what it means to be autistic, might just shake the ground a little more to help make the changes that are crucial to give those on the spectrum a better chance at a normal life.
I haven’t felt so passionate about a book for a long time as I do about this. It covers so much - communication and social interaction, eye contact, masking, meltdowns, anxiety, depression, suicide, the nightmarish reality of school/college leading into the high levels of unemployment and means to make a decent living to allow more independence, to coping with trying to make a path through a foggy world not built to allow autistic people a clear way through, battling on day by day, week by week, month by month and so on.
Life expectancy is reduced, sensory attacks are around every corner and the most simple things many people take for granted are a huge minefield for those with a spectrum diagnosis - making a telephone call, tying shoelaces, using cutlery, getting groceries, using public transport…
Sounds bleak doesn’t it? But that is the reality lived for so many - too many.
Yet, the writing in this book is superb! It is witty, honest, relatable and not in the slightest like a text on autism. It is real and it is searingly thought-provoking. It was full of moments where I nodded along and some where I chuckled to myself because it is so relatable and easy to read.
I urge EVERYONE to read this book and try to do your bit to understand those who are autistic, as one thing is for certain - you will meet many people on the spectrum during your life and quite frankly, the more you meet the better. We need neurodiverse people to be seen as a constant and normal part of our society. Change is needed and it is needed now.
October 30, 2023
3.5 ⭐️
Interesting book and definitely worth a read. As a parent to an autistic son, it has opened my eyes to how some seemingly innocuous scenarios or settings may feel very different to an autistic person. I found the the chapters on special interests and also school very informative.
It is very focused on the author’s personal experiences, something which is acknowledged early on, and the majority of the research seems to be from twitter polls. It goes without saying that every autistic person is going to see things differently, but it would have been nice to hear some perspectives which were different on the work or socialising chapters for example, especially as the author has included many anecdotes from Twitter for other parts of the book.
I didn’t always enjoy the tone of the book and whilst I appreciate the point that living in a world that isn’t inclusive of neurodiverse people is highly stressful, it does seem like a rant in places rather than a constructive “what we should all do about it”
The book has made me understand things which I take for granted and I hope it will help me make my son’s life easier and less stressful.
Interesting book and definitely worth a read. As a parent to an autistic son, it has opened my eyes to how some seemingly innocuous scenarios or settings may feel very different to an autistic person. I found the the chapters on special interests and also school very informative.
It is very focused on the author’s personal experiences, something which is acknowledged early on, and the majority of the research seems to be from twitter polls. It goes without saying that every autistic person is going to see things differently, but it would have been nice to hear some perspectives which were different on the work or socialising chapters for example, especially as the author has included many anecdotes from Twitter for other parts of the book.
I didn’t always enjoy the tone of the book and whilst I appreciate the point that living in a world that isn’t inclusive of neurodiverse people is highly stressful, it does seem like a rant in places rather than a constructive “what we should all do about it”
The book has made me understand things which I take for granted and I hope it will help me make my son’s life easier and less stressful.
April 3, 2023
Every neurotypical person needs to read this book!! The information contained on these pages is so important. I’ll be honest, it was not an easy read in that most of the negative experiences and things discussed, my family have endured! I am not autistic but I am an advocate for my autistic son and daughter and we find ourselves battling almost daily against the kind of ignorance mentioned in this book. If I found these reminders difficult to just read, I can’t begin to imagine the experience of facing that daily as an autistic individual.
With so much information jam packed in, there is a lot to learn but it is easy to follow and not at all overwhelming or convoluted. I definitely came out of this book with some additional knowledge that I know I can use to adapt how I approach things. The changes we neurotypical folk can make are in no way an inconvenience so why are we not all making these changes?!!
The author is autistic so you can be sure that the information in this book is accurate and the source is reliable!
With so much information jam packed in, there is a lot to learn but it is easy to follow and not at all overwhelming or convoluted. I definitely came out of this book with some additional knowledge that I know I can use to adapt how I approach things. The changes we neurotypical folk can make are in no way an inconvenience so why are we not all making these changes?!!
The author is autistic so you can be sure that the information in this book is accurate and the source is reliable!
August 18, 2024
I like the idea of this book but two things held me back from loving it. The slightly rant-y tone isn’t my cup of tea (although I too am very angry at the f**ked up way society dismisses autistic needs). The second is that I didn’t totally connect with Wharmby and his experiences. This is acknowledged upfront, he isn’t an expert but telling his story, but I think other people might connect better.
September 27, 2024
Pete Wharmby explains with his engaging narrative style how it is to experience the world as autistic person and how easy it would be to adapt the world to also include us, the autistic people.
Read it, even if you think you don't know any autistic persons - you're most likely wrong.
Read it, even if you think you don't know any autistic persons - you're most likely wrong.
March 26, 2023
Excellent book to give to family & friends who don't know a lot about autism
June 12, 2025
My favourite quotes from reading this:
"I spend most of my time trying to ingratiate myself with them in hope that this will encourage them to take me seriously. Part of this involves not taking up too much of their time, so once I have the first thing explained and out of the way, I feel unable to mention any of my other problems for fear of irritating them."
"Asking an autistic person to change task abruptly, without warning, is a such-fire way to meltdown, and just providing gradual, incremental warnings that the change in task coming up is helpful. Imagine like a motorway junction. There's a good reason why these don't just suddenly out of nowhere, as this would lead to unimaginable disasters."
"I remember learning early in school that it didn't matter how good your ideas were: sometimes people simply didn't want to hear them."
"The difference is that we're hyper-aware of our struggle and go out of our way to compensate for the difference, while you lot (with the greatest respect) don't seem to have a bloody clue."
"sadly, talking with other people- in particular non-austistic people - has so many pitfalls and dangers for most autistic people, that they're scarred by a form of chronic, constant trauma that's hard for non-autistic people to imagine."
"All conversations are built on the idea of the back-and-forth, and it seems to be implicitly understood by most people when these moments of shift should occur. But not to me. I've no idea when it's OK for me to take my turn, and so I often find myself sitting very quietly, intently waiting for a pause long enough to represent an unambiguous jumping off point."
I personally loved the brief mention of the eighth sense of the hypo-interoception which doesn't get talked about enough. He mentions about hunger and thirst and not being able to recognise the internal body signals until it's extreme or intense which I believe is a fantastic part that should be raised as much as every other sense. Other things that are linked to interoception are internal body temperature, emotional regulation, noticing when your bladder is full and the ability to recognise pain which are all things autistic people can struggle with.
All in all, such a great book, very pleased that I read it :)
"I spend most of my time trying to ingratiate myself with them in hope that this will encourage them to take me seriously. Part of this involves not taking up too much of their time, so once I have the first thing explained and out of the way, I feel unable to mention any of my other problems for fear of irritating them."
"Asking an autistic person to change task abruptly, without warning, is a such-fire way to meltdown, and just providing gradual, incremental warnings that the change in task coming up is helpful. Imagine like a motorway junction. There's a good reason why these don't just suddenly out of nowhere, as this would lead to unimaginable disasters."
"I remember learning early in school that it didn't matter how good your ideas were: sometimes people simply didn't want to hear them."
"The difference is that we're hyper-aware of our struggle and go out of our way to compensate for the difference, while you lot (with the greatest respect) don't seem to have a bloody clue."
"sadly, talking with other people- in particular non-austistic people - has so many pitfalls and dangers for most autistic people, that they're scarred by a form of chronic, constant trauma that's hard for non-autistic people to imagine."
"All conversations are built on the idea of the back-and-forth, and it seems to be implicitly understood by most people when these moments of shift should occur. But not to me. I've no idea when it's OK for me to take my turn, and so I often find myself sitting very quietly, intently waiting for a pause long enough to represent an unambiguous jumping off point."
I personally loved the brief mention of the eighth sense of the hypo-interoception which doesn't get talked about enough. He mentions about hunger and thirst and not being able to recognise the internal body signals until it's extreme or intense which I believe is a fantastic part that should be raised as much as every other sense. Other things that are linked to interoception are internal body temperature, emotional regulation, noticing when your bladder is full and the ability to recognise pain which are all things autistic people can struggle with.
All in all, such a great book, very pleased that I read it :)
May 23, 2024
Oh how I loved this! I learnt so much and am so grateful for this author’s perspective. I have autistic family members and friends and feel this has motivated me to try and understand each of them more and read more from other autistic people. I would recommend this book to everyone! A great intro to autistic people’s experiences but also just for general understanding of particular aspects of the autistic experience. 5 stars!
May 21, 2026
humourous, relatable, and essential
Reading this whilst on the ASD wait list felt like such a warm hug and a comforting confirmation. Wharmby has captured so many aspects of what my life feels like day-to-day, so accurately.
Reading this whilst on the ASD wait list felt like such a warm hug and a comforting confirmation. Wharmby has captured so many aspects of what my life feels like day-to-day, so accurately.
October 1, 2023
I read this book to get some insight into the differences between neurotypical people and people with autism. However I find that I don’t know anymore than before I started.
I understand that this book is written by a man diagnosed with autism so his perspective on neurotypical people is presumptions or guessing at best. However the presumption that neurotypical people seem to have this (obviously not real) manual to guide them through social situations, and to pick up on cues is an idiotic assumption at best. One assumes that he is referring to intuition, however I can safely say that neurotypical people struggle with the lack of intuition also. They also find noises frustrating, find it difficult to navigate places, say stupid things in job interviews. Most of the things mentioned in the book are definitely things neurotypical people struggle with as well.
I wanted to understand how people with autism are different, what it is that sets them apart for a diagnosis and how to manage that in different aspects of their lives, but I find I am still guessing.
I know people with autism are different, because I am struggling to relate and help someone, but this book gave me no definitive guidance as to how they’re different or to help them except to be compassionate. Compassion seems a given to me, but how about some real information or strategies.
At the beginning he says lots of people will hear stuff about autistic tendencies and be like ‘based on this isn’t everyone on the spectrum’? And that this is false and harmful. There was nothing in this book that made me think that everyone has autistic tendencies is a false dichotomy, in fact it seemed to cement it. However I know that there are differences between neurotypical people and people with autism. I live with that reminder everyday. But I can’t tell you what it is, maybe no one can!
I understand that this book is written by a man diagnosed with autism so his perspective on neurotypical people is presumptions or guessing at best. However the presumption that neurotypical people seem to have this (obviously not real) manual to guide them through social situations, and to pick up on cues is an idiotic assumption at best. One assumes that he is referring to intuition, however I can safely say that neurotypical people struggle with the lack of intuition also. They also find noises frustrating, find it difficult to navigate places, say stupid things in job interviews. Most of the things mentioned in the book are definitely things neurotypical people struggle with as well.
I wanted to understand how people with autism are different, what it is that sets them apart for a diagnosis and how to manage that in different aspects of their lives, but I find I am still guessing.
I know people with autism are different, because I am struggling to relate and help someone, but this book gave me no definitive guidance as to how they’re different or to help them except to be compassionate. Compassion seems a given to me, but how about some real information or strategies.
At the beginning he says lots of people will hear stuff about autistic tendencies and be like ‘based on this isn’t everyone on the spectrum’? And that this is false and harmful. There was nothing in this book that made me think that everyone has autistic tendencies is a false dichotomy, in fact it seemed to cement it. However I know that there are differences between neurotypical people and people with autism. I live with that reminder everyday. But I can’t tell you what it is, maybe no one can!
August 9, 2024
!!!!!!!!! I wish I could force my family and friends to read this.
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