P.S. Your Cat Is Dead: A Novel

by James Kirkwood Jr.

It's New Year's Eve in New York City. Your best friend died in September, you've been robbed twice, your girlfriend is leaving you, you've lost your job...and the only one left to talk to is the gay burglar you've got tied up in the kitchen... P.S. your cat is dead.An instant classic upon its initial publication, P.S. Your Cat is Dead received widespread critical acclaim and near fanatical reader devotion. The stage version of the novel was equally successful and there are still over 200 new productions of it staged every year. Now, for the first time in a decade, James Kirkwood's much-loved black humor comic novel of manners and escalating disaster returns to bewitch and beguile a new generation.

Genres: Fiction, Humor, Christmas, Plays, LGBT, Book Club, Gay

220 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1972

About the author

James Kirkwood, Jr. was an American playwright and author born in Los Angeles, California. His father, James Kirkwood, Sr. was an actor and director in silent films and his mother was actress Lila Lee. He died in 1989 of spinal cancer.

Reviews

[Kyle · Rating 2 out of 5]

Kyle: James, thanks for meeting me today. I know it was tough to manage, being dead and all.

James: Not at all. When I got your note, I knew I had to talk to you. We have so much in common.

Kyle: How’s that now?

James: Well, you’re a writer who hasn’t finished anything of consequence in months, and I’m dead. It’s basically the same thing.

Kyle: That was uncalled for.

James: Hey, I’m not the one who gave your critically-acclaimed wacky comedy play-novel only two stars, now, am I?

[There is an uncomfortable silence.]

Kyle: So, I’m sort of into the idea of plays, even novelized ones, being these big character studies, where we get a hero tossed into a “what if” scenario and we see how he grows and develops through that. I really liked your approach to that.

James: Thanks. It can definitely be interesting.

Kyle: But so much of this story wants to take it over the top all the time. There was so much ham in the first few sections of the story I felt I was reading a Monty Python sketch.

James: Har.

Kyle: Sorry. But it’s true.

James: I’m sorry, did you not read any of the rest of the cover? I co-wrote A Chorus Line. Where did you think subtlety was going to come from? It’s your own fault if you don’t like the presentation.

Kyle: Sure, but I feel like you had to realize just how strong you were coming on with how ridiculous everything was.

James: Right. Let me just put that down then: In a play, - especially farce comedies - tone down the acting. I remember when they told Shakespeare to do that in his.

Kyle: Okay, okay. But I feel like if you wanted to write a play, which it looks like you did, then you probably should’ve just done that. It wouldn’t have felt so weird. There’s this bizarre style clash between Jimmy’s narration style when he’s just talking to us, like in a voiceover, and when people are talking to each other, as if they’re… well, reading lines from a script. It’s so jarring it makes it tough to focus on the character and the humor. That’s another thing, though. I only laughed at one scene in the whole book: when Jimmy throws fruit out his window at his fleeing ex.

James: Who doesn’t want to do that?

Kyle: I know! But where were the rest of the jokes? Just about everything else came off as “funny because it’s crude,” which almost never works in writing, or “sadtrumpet.wav funny.”

James: Dotwave? I have no idea what words you just said.

Kyle: I – you know – I mean, it seems like you want us to laugh at just how terrible Jimmy has it. But that’s not all that funny. I mean, the whole buildup of the first third of the book is just the continuing “how screwed can this guy possibly get?”

James: Like he says, “I don’t believe it.”

Kyle: Right, but everything that happened to him is actually pretty believeable – in fact, you might argue that with the background Jimmy gives us about where he comes from and what he does, and the type of person he is, it was pretty much bound to happen, though usually probably not all at once. It’s more annoying that he’s not trying to get out of the way of this oncoming train of terrible events.

James: Well, you’re not him. You don’t even know what you would do.

Kyle: I am totally glad I’m not him. But everything that happens after the burglar shows up is incredibly farcical. Almost nothing that happens once the actual play gets going makes sense. I might not know what I would do, but I can sort of tell you what I would not do, and that is cut the burglar’s pants off after having him bound prone over my kitchen counter. Not to mention that the burglar mentions pretty soon after this that he’d like to “make it” with Jimmy. No judging, but I feel like there were parts of this book that were more…personal than others. Just about any moment, I expected you and the burglar to start making out, or some M-rated scenes to start happening.

James: It’s a comedy. It’s not going to make sense. The hilarity comes from the utterly bizarre things that he starts thinking of doing to get back at life and making things right and HEY YOU just insinuated that I wrote myself into this play.

Kyle: Well, uh, it’s kind of right there. James, Jimmy, etc.

James: Just because we share a name, and are both writers involved in the theater scene, and might tend to be a little overdramatic and… okay, I think I see what you’re saying.

Kyle: Nothing wrong with that, just something I thought about.

James: And here I thought you might not have been paying attention at all.

Kyle: And I hate to be gender studies guy-

James: Oh come on, you love to be gender studies guy. Your last three or so reviews give it at least a paragraph!

Kyle: I don’t like it! It’s just something I notice sometimes! Anyway, out of the cast of about 10, probably five of those people are gay and bisexual men. I mean, geez. I know your view of the 70s is pretty forward, but I don’t think they’re that closely concentrated, even in New York.

James: You have obviously never been to New York. And those are the characters that involved themselves in this. I didn’t pick them.

Kyle: Touché. That does sort of touch on what I liked most about this book, though. It’s such an interesting period piece, with the drug references, culture references, and even the gay notes made by the burglar, that “everyone swings a little bit.”

James: I resent being called “dated,” but you write what you know. I’m glad you at least got something out of my surrounding world.

Kyle: Not only that, but Jimmy’s resolution to his problems seems to be to just shut down more, have more drugs, pull into his tiny world with just his writing and his “burglar with a heart of gold” friend. Novels today with a similar premise are all about building a world that expands out and learning about others and their problems. I’m fascinated by what that says about the changes in culture.

James: I don’t know. You’re the generation that’s supposed to be so in touch with your emotions. Maybe it’s selfish, but maybe that’s the only way that we could deal with what was going on at the time. We had a bunch of people that were like-minded, though.

Kyle: Maybe. And maybe we wouldn’t be so eager to reach out in our literature if we didn’t have people who fell back inside themselves before. I mean, of course, Jimmy isn’t the first, but it’s something I finished thinking.

James: Oh, thanks. Laud my work, then take away my notoriety. This did go on to become a play, if you weren’t aware. Thousands of people laughed and got a feeling of empathy out of it.

Kyle: Hey, I’m just a writer that hasn’t done anything of consequence in months. Obviously, my opinions are pretty worthless.

James: Finally, we agree on something.

Kyle: Hey!

[Rowan MacBean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, man, I love this book. The first time I read it, I made the mistake of starting it one morning when I curled up in bed. I wound up not sleeping that day because I read the whole book in one sitting instead. Something about it was just ... perfect. I identified with the main character's problem of every single little goddamn thing going wrong. And the way things go in this book...? Well, it was exactly the story I needed to read right then. This was the second time I read it and it didn't lose any of its charm for me. To say exactly why would spoil the ending but I think I actually identified with it even more this time around.

Even taking it into consideration that I might like this book more than the average person because of personal reasons, I still really recommend it. It's funny, has an absurd yet totally plausible plot, and the characters are just awesome. There are only seven or eight, total, who show up on the page but I guarantee at least two of them will crack you up because you know someone exactly like that.

[K.J. Charles · Rating 2 out of 5]

Too dated for me to enjoy. This was probably funny back in the day, now the dialogue is just unbearably mannered and really pretty twee. All the characters bicker like small children, in absurdly unconvincing speech littered with long-dead slang and italics. The reading experience was basically like standing at a party you didn't want to attend while someone on cocaine shouts at you. I'm really glad the seventies are over.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Where to go, what to say? I had never heard of this until this Christmas when I looked for a Christmas book. And what a book!

Everything goes wrong - Jimmy is fired, his girl leaves him, he gets robbed, and P.S. his cat dies.

At least he ties up the burglar. And then things get REALLY strange!

I liked the feel of 1972, the anti-establishment attitude. I got a little tired of the give and take and talk between the burglar and Jimmy at times, but I kept reading.

It ended as it should. I didn't love it, but I liked it. Happy New Year!!

[Angie Fiedler Sutton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have an e-friend who turned me on to P.S. Your Cat is Dead. She wrote, " I highly recommend this book to all my friends. It's sick and twisted," and I knew then it was something I wanted to read. However, when I found out there was a play version (also written by Kirkwood, it's copyright 1979 with the rights owned by Samuel French), that was the version I read first.

And fell in love with the play. A comedy where the first line is "Holy shit", that has one of your main characters butt-naked (literally) for a good half of the play, and that ends with the two male leads ending up in bed together (not quite as literally, but with the implication that it is possible) was right up my twisted little alley.

The basic plot is about Jimmy Zoole, an actor in New York City at a turning point in his life. At 38, he hasn't quite 'made it', and is starting to realize he may never make it. His relationship with his girlfriend Kate is on the decline through both of their faults, but partly because he plays everything very safe - and Kate is tired of the struggle of getting him to take the chances an actor (and person) needs to do occasionally in order to grow. His loft has been robbed twice in a row, one of which resulted in the theft of his one and only copy of the novel he was writing in an attempt to see if he was capable of doing something other than acting. And finally, his cat, Bobby Seale, is at the vet, ill. (And, of course, is actually dead before we even hear about him.)

He comes home on New Year's Eve, having been fired from his latest acting job, to have his girlfriend finally break up with him, and catches a robber, Vito (who we find out in the story is also a hustler - hence the ending), in his house - and decides to take care of the burglar himself.

It wasn't until just recently that I finally decided to give the book version a read. (There's also a movie version, starring of all people Steve Guttenberg as Jimmy, which I have seen. It's been a long enough time since seeing it that I can't remember much outside of that it wasn't as bad as I had feared, and that it had transferred the setting from New York to LA - and as a result, has Vito, an Italian, turned into a Latino named Eddie.)

I've often gone on about how I don't like to compare versions, whether it's book to movie or reboot to old version. Isaac Asimov used a good example in the book How to Enjoy Writing: A Book of Aid and Comfort of comparing the Mona Lisa by Da Vinci to a stained glass version by another artist. They are two different mediums, each with their own pros and cons, and it does a disservice to both versions to compare.

And I really tried to not compare the book to the play I know, love, and hope to produce (and maybe even direct) one day. But I couldn't help myself. The play, because of it being a play, is much shorter is much tighter in story. The novel starts off slow, and is much slower paced - which threw me. In the novel, the events happen over a few days, while in the play it's all in one night. I preferred the play, as it gave it that 'you had a REALLY bad day' kind of feel to it, and my sympathy for Jimmy stemmed a lot from that. The main climax of the play is also in a different place in the book, and is not the main climax there - Kirkwood adds another event that I vaguely remember is also in the movie.

But the novel, being a novel, has the chance to go into some great character development for both Jimmy and Vito. I'm able to fall in love with both characters much more in the novel, and my sympathy for Jimmy comes from a different place as a result. In fact, if I were ever given the chance to direct the play version, I'd make my Jimmy and Vito read the book as part of their character research.

Kirkwood also has the chance to have some great lines in the novel that wouldn't do well spoken. When talking about the theft of the novel, "I was victim, not of burglary, but of kidnapping," Jimmy in the book says. "It would be hard, harder to try to re-create what I'd written than creating it in the first place." Having had to re-write a book almost from scratch myself, I could easily relate.

The relationship between Jimmy and Vito also has a chance to grow a bit more in the novel and feel less contrived. Jimmy's realization that Vito has the same eyes as Kate early on lends credence to the idea of these two potentially ending up as lovers. And Kirkwood also has the chance to have Jimmy make comparisons between Vito and Bobby Seale, especially the idea that Jimmy didn't adopt the cat - the cat adopted him. Late in the book, when Jimmy says to Vito, "I liked my cat, I loved that cat, but I don't particularly like cats in general," it's is a flat-out metaphor for how Jimmy thinks about sexual relations with men in general and Vito specifically.

The theme of not knowing what to do with your life (making this an odd bookend to my last book review) is much more prevalent through the book than the play. "How much of what we are or become depends upon talent, luck, appearance, type, environment, fate, timing, inheritance, intelligence - native or acquired? - or is it a lot of it just plain push-and-shove?" Jimmy asks himself about midway through the book. And Jimmy's not the only one having this insight. Vito, in telling Jimmy about his life, explains that his dead lover tried to impart to him the advice that you've got to be more than 'the life of the party', as that will only last you for so long. And near the end of the book, Vito quotes his lover again, "You better find out what you want in life, because that's what you're going to get!"

The novel also has a different ending than the play, and while they're both a bit contrived, I like the play version more - it makes more story sense to me, and didn't have me saying, "Really? REALLY?" like the novel version did, but I'm not sure how much of that response was because I had the other ending in my head.

Both versions are quick reads, and some of the best lines are in both, including the best insult ever: "May your orgasms turn to stone!" And both versions made me relate as both a writer and as someone who's had the occasional venture into theatre. The story is engaging, the characters are believable and relatable, and it goes to show that it's okay, maybe even healthy, to question your place in this world, and that when bad things happen, you just have to keep plugging away. After all, as Jimmy's friend Pete says, "Life is nothing but a bunch of revue sketches. The birth sketch, the first-day-at-school sketch, the discovering-what-your-dong-is-for sketch, the marriage one, and so on. Some are bombs, some are so-so, a few are perfect, but when they're played out - forget them. On to the next. And remember, like revue sketches, the bad ones always end."

[George Ilsley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Novels from James Kirkwood were all the rage in certain circles in the 1970s — partly because these offerings were as queer as it got in mainstream literature. Kirkwood was also famous for A Chorus Line: The Complete Book of the Musical, and was deeply invested in writing for the theatre.

This novel too reads like it was intended for the stage — all the action takes place in one room. Indeed, it has been adapted into a stage play, and probably many of the excesses and forced theatricality on the page are rendered more palatable on stage.

Intended to be risqué, slapstick, humorous — but much of it reads as dated and relies on over-the-top 70s tropes which now fail to amuse. If I recall, this was not my favourite book by this author; that one would be Good Times/Bad Times, although after encountering this novel again I hesitate to reread another book from this author.

By far the most interesting character here is the burglar, Vito. Vito is complicated and “vivid”. The main character is not very sympathetic, nor, perhaps, is he intended to be. But Vito breaks into the novel and steals the show.

Three slightly nostalgic stars.

[Printable Tire]

This book reminds me of those countless direct-to-video movies that have been coming out since the 80’s that nobody’s ever heard of, featuring one or two famous actors and taking place in some dream-like new york city loft apartment and featuring an array of comical coincidences and other forms of mundane weirdness. Movies like Frauds, the Paint Job, and More Dogs Than Bones, to name a forgotten few. But I wanted to read it because of 1) the name and 2) because it was about a depressing New Year’s Eve, which is what I am experiencing right now.

Jeez what a kinky book. I was almost blushing at some passages. But it was written by the co-creator of A Chorus Line, which is like the gayest thing ever, so I guess it all makes sense.

[Mir · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mildly amusing but painfully dated.

[Smiley Smilerson · Rating 3 out of 5]

P.S. Pass...or don't. You should...but it's also silly fun...in hindsight...after enough time has passed and you have stopped being grumpy about it not being good.

[Mo · Rating 1 out of 5]

The more I read, the more disgusted I became. The book blurb was completely misleading.

Bailed on page 173 of 281.

[Rae · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is the stupidest book I’ve ever read. 🙄

[M.L. Rio · Rating 4 out of 5]

I so want to give this book 4.5 stars but alas - the Goodreads gods won't let me, so a review will have to suffice.

The dialogue in this book is witty and hilarious (and just improbable enough to feel real), which is probably half the reason it translated so well to a stage play (the other half of the reason being, of course, that Kirkwood is a theatre man). Besides that, Jimmy Zoole is one of the most honest portraits of an actor I have ever seen in a novel (being an actor myself, I feel somewhat qualified to make that judgment). And to top it all off, the story is so ludicrous and so wonderful that I genuinely never wanted to stop reading. It didn't lag for a minute.

Highly recommended, for absolutely anyone.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the original black comedies. This book is bizarre, but very funny. I love the dark sense of humor and Kirkwood nails it to a T. By the end of the book, you find yourself wondering who the crazy one is. I think this book certainly set the bar high for those who want to venture into the realm of un-PC comedy writing. Anyone who enjoys an eccentric read should check out this book. It is a classic that will never go out of style.

[Paula · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVE this book. It was clever, funny, original and crazy but almost believable idea -- just absurd enough to be a riot to read. I hope it's a cult classic; I have a feeling it is.

The yellow towel, hugglebunnyburgers, youse, Senegalese Thunderfuck -- love it.


I read it in two days -- warp speed compared to my usual pace. I will no doubt read any more Kirkwood that comes my way.

[Margie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought this book would be a comedy but I was wrong. Strange, weird story with sexual comments and much more. Almost stopped reading at the half-way point but I am a person that wants to finish a book. Well, I did finish it but should have stopped much earlier. Just wasn't my type of story. Can't recommend.

[Eric · Rating 5 out of 5]

A twisted story of rotten luck turns into a beautiful story of friendship with each page more outrageous than the last. I found it quite fun and unique with characters whose originality is such an asset that their self-centeredness actually works in the novel's favor.

[Bonnie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A struggle to finish! Just not my kind of book.

[Collin :) · Rating 4 out of 5]

SOOO much fun. I wish this was a five star but idk it did drag on at times. And I wish they'd become a couple, which I guess they still could have. What fun!

[Forrest · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is a fine line drawn between comedy that teaches and comedy that wounds. That line is drawn differently for every person. So it isn’t surprising that the reactions to the somewhat absurdist satire of Mr. Kirkwood would span such a broad scope. The novel is abrasive and crude and tends to rely on an atmosphere of over-the-top sexuality to generate tension, but at its core are some honest questions about the plight of people in our fundamentally hostile society.

P.S. Your Cat Is Dead is about and told by Jimmy Zoole, a floundering New York actor who experiences a downward spiral of unfortunate events when he is robbed (again) by Vito, a bisexual burglar. Jimmy knocks Vito out and trusses him up over the kitchen sink. The bulk of the novel deals with the conversations between the actor and the burglar, punctuated by interruptions from people in Jimmy’s life.

The most jarring aspect of the novel is the failure to delineate the novel from the original theatrical version of the manuscript. The book follows a very ‘scene-like’ organization that helps break up the subject matter, but the jolts from third-person narration to pure dialogue are distracting and annoying. It is very much as if Kirkwood took the script, removed the stage directions and stuffed in some narration without bothering to clean up the dialogue. Which is probably what happened. The book was subsequently re-adapted into play and movie format, neither of which I have seen, but I suspect that both would be somewhat more enjoyable than reading the book.

Despite the awkward writing, the subject matter is conveyed pretty well. The setup for the dramatic action is actually pretty reasonable, if slightly outside the realms of probability. Kirkwood connect directly with the sense that the world is Absurd and gives Jimmy the opportunity to confront that absurdness directly in the form of Vito. His reactions are where things start getting extreme. Albert Camus held that the only healthy way to deal with the fundamental ridiculousness of human existence is to accept it and live in spite of it. Jimmy’s reaction could be viewed less as acceptance and more as escalating reaction. In order to deal with his life, Jimmy becomes even more absurd, placing himself in the surreal setting of the book. Fortunately, Kirkwood does allow his protagonist to accept his lot in the end.

One thing that struck me was how well the language and subject matter of the book had survived four decades. Published originally in 1972, P.S. Your Cat Is Dead still resonates with modern American reader. Or perhaps I should say it has started resonating again. The economic troubles facing Americans and the increasing negativity of our culture and society have probably made this novel more relevant today than it would have been in 1995 or even 2000. There is a hopefulness buried within the insanity that anyone who can get past the over-the-top crudeness and sexuality will enjoy.

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book funny in a darkly witty kind of way. Self-deprecating humor always goes a long way with me, and this book offers nothing short of that.

There were times when I felt that it dragged on a little too long. Some scenes could have been reduced, and the redundancy of the situation distracted me at times from fully appreciating the humor. "Enough is enough." The violently sexual undertones and stereotypical sexual portrayals made me uncomfortable at times, I must admit...but I do think it offered an intelligent satire of sexuality, theater, and life in the city.

There were moments when I had to laugh out loud...and again, I respect anyone who can make fun of himself.

[Hollybooks · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't understand any of this book! It was a really weird read about a guy who keeps getting robbed and all his family are dead. It wasn't terrible righting as such, for example, if I understood it I would have rated it much higher, but sadly that was not the case.

[Julianne Burton · Rating 1 out of 5]

This problematic novel is not aging well.

[Susie · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are offended regarding issues like language, gay issues and/or do not have a somewhat perverted sense of humor, this book is NOT for you. Having said that, this was my book club's December choice and I have to say... when I was at ~48%, I kept belly laughing out loud. Many times. For reals. When I tried to describe the scenario to my husband, I could hardly talk b/c I was laughing so hard that I was literally crying. I will also say this is likely the weirdest book I've ever read. Not only did I welcome the laughs, it was timely b/c it takes place on New Year's Eve. I was also surprised to learn this was written in 1972 and there is a play and a film (directed & starring Steve Guttenberg). We (book club members) agreed if the play ever came to Phoenix, we want to go. In the mean time, I'll see if the film is on a channel we get. But I honestly can't imagine it would be nearly as funny as the book was to me. Enjoy & Happy New Year!
UPDATE: we did watch the movie on New Year's Eve... As per usual, the movie was pretty much a yawner. PLUS... they didn't include the final line of the book. IMO, do yourself a favor & skip the movie.

[Laura Doe · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very funny book, but now feels a little dated with some of the references and some of the language used isn’t appropriate in today’s society.
James Zoole is going through a rough period in his life: his best friend died a couple of months before, he has been robbed twice in a couple of months, his girlfriend is leaving him, he lost his job and then he finds a burglar under his bed attempting to rob him for the third time. What follows is a ridiculous set of circumstances that meant I just couldn’t stop reading to find out what more could possibly happen between James and his burglar, Vito.
The book is quite dated now, and you can tell it wasn’t written recently, but this doesn’t detract from how fun the story is. Worth a read if you can look past some of the language and references.

[Lora · Rating 4 out of 5]

This novel was on a list of holiday reads, and the title grabbed me. I was a little nervous when it was already New Year's Eve when I was 18% through the book, but it maintained its holiday theme. Although the message is that of friendship and is genuinely warm and funny, there is sadism in the plot and I dreaded continuing reading one particular scene. A movie version exists, but from what I understand, the book is much better.

The author also wrote "A Chorus Line" and won many awards for that. He died of AIDS in 1989.

[Kai · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very quick read, very snappy and fun. The two main characters had such an electric dynamic with each other, it made me hate both of them but root for them to be okay. So many tones of self-discovery, it made me feel passionate about my life and choosing things for myself. Difficult reads within it, but overall great.

[Jordan Zajac · Rating 1 out of 5]

Well that was odd. I really didn’t enjoy that at all. Kinda confused lol

I don’t even think I could write a longer review because it felt like a weird fever dream that I couldn’t wait for it to end.

I saw a lot of people loving it but it just wasn’t for me.

[Patty Hagar · Rating 4 out of 5]

So, funny story. My mother had this book when I was about 8-years old. It was there, I was a bored child who read far above her grade level, and I still recall the look on her face when I asked her why the man asked for a little yellow towel after having a sleepover with his friend. Mother forbade me to read anything in the house without her permission going forward.

[Kira Loomer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Whack.

[Kim Novak (The Reading Rx) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just when you think your life sucks, you get sent a flipping Fleet’s enema. At times I didn’t know what the heck I was reading, but it was freaking hilarious.