Duped: Lies and Deception in Psychotherapy

by Jeffrey A. Kottler, Jon Carlson (Editor)

In this book, Jeffrey Kottler and Jon Carlson turn their well-polished therapy microscopes onto the subjects of lying, falsehood, deceit, and the loss of trust in the counseling room. What do clients lie about and why? When do therapists mislead or withhold information from their clients? What does it all mean? In their exploration of this taboo material, the authors interview and share stories from dozens of their peers from all practice areas and modalities and ranging from neophytes to established master practitioners. Their stories and reflections cast some light on this fascinating topic and will help to start a more honest dialogue about difficult subject matter.

Genres: Psychology

298 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2010

About the author

Jeffrey A. Kottler is a professor, psychologist, author, consultant, workshop leader, keynote speaker, and social justice advocate who has spent the past 40 years working throughout the world to promote personal and professional development among professionals and marginalized groups. Jeffrey has worked as a teacher, counselor, therapist, and consultant in a variety of settings including a preschool, primary and secondary school, university, mental health center, crisis center, and corporate settings.

Reviews

[Cynthia Marcolina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sorry Jeffrey I liked some of your other books better!

[Rob Freund · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some counseling books are profoundly educating, and resonate with brilliant truths. Some of these books are pretty dry and a bit of an intellectual slog (let's be honest), and some counseling books are just for fun. Now, I'm not saying that you won't learn a few things by reading Kottler & Carlson's "Duped," but it is, first and foremost, a fun read. Well, I use the term fun in a "Gather-round-everybody-it's-storytime!" kind of way, not a "Wheeeeee!" kind of way. That's what "Duped" is, really. An anthology of stories; practitioner's juiciest, most scandalous, and most heart wrenching stories, all about how they were duped by their clients. It is brilliantly written, filled with a myriad of voices and lie after lie after lie after lie.

"Duped" focuses on a truth that all therapists must come to accept: that everybody, at some time or another, lies. It's an ugly truth, but statistically valid. The higher the stakes, the more likely a lie is to be made. Omission, falsification, half truths, manipulation - however you want to conceptualize it, lies happen in therapy. How they happen, why they happen, and how they happen all differ based on the therapist, the client, and the story. I can't say that there was a single account in the entire book that didn't catch me off guard in one way or another. Some certainly followed patterns (e.g. "The cheating husband") but others took me completely by surprise (e.g. The client that stole his therapist's credit cards, the client that cried "Sexual assault!").

By far my favorite of the stories (and I say this to my detriment, personally knowing at least two of the contributors) was Jeffery Kottler's. Now, I'm a tremendous fan of Kottler; have been ever since I heard him speak on "What makes a master therapist?" at ACA San Francisco. Nobody speaks like Kottler does, and I've met few people as kindly or genuine. He's a great storyteller, and has some amazing stories to tell. I won't spoil the story by giving any details, but if you do nothing else, read the first chapter (it's his) - if you're not hooked into reading the rest of the book, then I'll eat my hat. Okay, that was a lie. But I will be surprised.

There's a voyeuristic quality to reading through each account. They're short - about three pages a story. Therapy, being a very private and intimate experience is designed to exist in its own little bubble. It's a rich, complex endeavor, and as a therapist, can feel very lonely at times. I say this because you literally are alone with your client - you can't have a colleague sit in and give you advice, or visit one of your coworkers to see what they're doing or how it's going. Admittedly there are plenty of 'master-therapist' videos available, but there's nothing like being in the room with the client and therapist. "Duped" gives you that sense of being in the room, and better, in the head of the therapist. As a beginning practitioner it's given me valuable insight and comfort to sort of sit and be with each story.

Finally, like all good counseling books, you learn - a lot. I was amazed at the relative commonality of how each account began, and how wildly each took their own turn. There was a startling amount of consistency with some of my own cases, and it made me realize that at any given moment, my own sessions could travel the route of "the Duped." It was a sobering experience, but I can't say that I've become more suspicious of my clients as a result... maybe more mindful.

If you're a therapist, or training to be one, give "Duped" a read. I promise you won't regret it - in fact, I'm pretty sure that you'll enjoy it! If you're not a therapist, I would still suggest "Duped;" it has a page turner quality that any person would stick with. Even if you're not interested in learning something, you can at least expect some great stories!

(This and other bok reviews can be found at my blog: robfreund.wordpress.com)