Does This Mean You'll See Me Naked?: Field Notes from a Funeral Director

by Robert D. Webster

Why would someone want to hang out with dead bodies? With curious anecdotes and unbelievable truth, funeral director Robert Webster reveals that answer and more, offering readers entertaining and quirky stories gleaned from a life lived around death. Webster tackles those embarrassing questions we all have about what really goes on bhind the scenes when you've left this

Genres: Nonfiction, Death, Memoir, Humor, Biography, Science, Autobiography

256 pages, Paperback

First published September 28, 2006

Reviews

[Ginny · Rating 1 out of 5]

This works as a guide for someone interested in the business side of funeral homes, but as for gorey stories, technical details, or honest portrayals of the current funeral home business, it falls very short. I would highly recommend 'Stiff' by Mary Roach and 'The American Way of Death' and 'The American Way of Death Revisited' by Jessica Mitford as a contrast to this book, as well as anything on green burials.

Webster is the embodiment of the reason that so many families go into debt attempting to pay for funerals nowadays. He claims to offer the lowest prices he possibly can, yet often insists on payment the day of the funeral planning. He criticizes a green burial activist for constantly promoting his green burial business during a special that Webster participated in, yet Webster is proud of the fact that he hands out expensive pens with his business name on them to everyone at every body retrieval he goes on. I can't imagine the crassness of handing out business promotion materials to a grieving family as they watch you carry away their loved one's corpse. He barely acknowledges the alternative of green burials except to criticize the above mentioned representative and to bizarrely note that green burials had better bury the bodies deep so animals don't get to them. His expectations for behaviour and dress at funerals and funeral style are deeply old fashioned and leave no leeway for anyone who is not committed to keeping up good Protestant mid-western appearances. The Catholic church is vilified in his book and the most 'exotic' funeral tradition he describes is sitting shiva. I cannot blame him for owning a business in a part of the world where most funeral services are likely to be generally Judeo-Christian or mildly secularized, but he presents this style of funeral as being the most natural and preferable one. He often speaks of class differences in a patronizing manner.

Webster attempts to separate himself from other, more business oriented and thus more 'heartless' funeral homes, but his attempts feel hypocritical as much of the book is dedicated to the success of his business practices. He acknowledges the popularity of Jessica Mitfords's 'The American Way of Death' but fails to assess it or assess his business in light of its criticisms. His response is to observe that JFK's death likely kept the American public in favour of traditional funerals and burials - a valid and likely accurate point, but a point that has little to do with the ethics of the funeral home business that Mitford so scathingly analyzed.

[Mike · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was OK. Honestly, some of it seemed a little contrived. And the author makes himself out to be perfect. Every story is about some other funeral director being bad at his job and he comes riding in to save the day. That becomes a little old as it keeps happening. But it is an interesting little bit of insight into an industry that most don't think about very often.

[Tanya · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked the stories in this book. I really loved the idea of seeing the mortuary business from the inside. However, the book came off kind of preachy and very "this is what everyone else is doing wrong, and here's why I'm better than everyone". It's an interesting read, but could have been better.

[Ams78 · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought there were some interesting portions of this book, but the author's tone was off-putting for me. There was a lot of preaching about how he does things so much better than other funeral directors. I will say one thing though, this book made me convinced that cremation is the way to go!

[Meaghan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've read a lot of books about death and funerals and what happens to dead bodies, but never before have I read one on what it's like to actually run a funeral business. I think I learned a lot from this book, and it was even funny in parts, but Mr. Webster's narrative is sometimes preachy, like when he has this seemingly endless list of terrible mistakes other funeral homes made that caused customers to come to him for services instead. Overall, I'd recommend for those people interested in this kind of thing.

[Jesse · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ultimately unsatisfying-- less fixated on the mysterious goings on of funeral practises, more content to harp petulantly about business issues, Webster misses a great opportunity to introduce readers to the mysteries of what goes on with dead bodies in a funeral home. Instead, he spends most of the book complaining about his competitors and dismissing ideas he doesn't think are worthwhile. Disappointing.

[Sean · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really enjoy stories about oddball professions and glimpses into parts of life that we don't often encounter. But this was a really trite take with a heavy, moralistic narrator. Don't bother.

[Kristen · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is so little talk about funeral processes and death that this book provides a look into the funeral process. There was a little too much tone of patting himself on the back and a section about "low class" funeral goers didn't sit quite right. That said, there are enough funny anecdotes and decent information to make it a good read.

[Stephanie Lackey · Rating 2 out of 5]

Too self-congratulatory. I'd recommend Stiff or Smoke Gets in Your Eyes instead.

[Renita D'Silva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thought provoking

[Hayley H · Rating 2 out of 5]

WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED ALL OF THE HBO SHOW "SIX FEET UNDER"!

Luckily for me I have the whole series and have watched it. However for others who have not he basically ruins a big plot and the ending so future SFU fans beware! He also does this with no spoiler warning as I have given you which kinda pisses me off.

~~~~~~~~~~
Though I found the book very informative from the perspective of a family run Funeral Home, and the funeral buisness in general, I found the author's holier-than-thou attitude a bit off putting at times. I think in any buisness the care of the customer: being kind, helpful and understanding is most important. I also believe that the author truly lives by this same notion but never really gives credit to other funeral homes being the same way. Instead they're always the competition, always driving buisness to him... It felt inauthentic. He makes himself out to be some lone wolf amongst a pack of money grubbing, no good, dirty scoundrels who don't give a fuck about your grandma's final wishes, just buy the damn $17,000 casket!

This assembly line attitude that he believes he is exempt from didn't pull me toward his way of thinking but made me feel that while he may have compassion for those who come to him in their time of grief, that same compassion does not translate to his fellow mortician's. As stated above he talks about Six Feet Under quite a bit and about the corporate take over of many family owned funeral homes, keeping the names and the staff while hiding the new mass production company owners behind the velvet curtain. He doesn't talk about how for many of these family run homes these corporate buyouts are their only options to not lose everything. Many have no other choice than to sell and I'm sure many hate doing so, a life's work and buisness sold to those who care more about upselling than doing what the family wants and can afford. He never discusses these possibilities, those who sell out do so for the crazy amount of money thrown at them and nothing more.

Being informed and well aware of death and the many options that come with it is something I think everyone should be open to. I'm for cremation, natural, and green burials myself, however that's just my opinion. I don't see fault in others who want to go the route of the grand funeral, embalming, and cemetery burial. I was a bit annoyed with his blasé attitude toward his green death debate partner. He ended the whole side story matter with his opponent coming to understand some of his views but he himself didn't seem to be open to any of the green ideas presented to him. He only states that those bodies be buried deep to deter wild animals getting to them. Maybe we should just add a crap ton of limes to graves of natural burials since he seems to love them so much. It'd put a whole new spin on "green burials".

I won't begrudge him for advertising at every opportunity. Billboards and buisness cards adorned with family photos to remind you this is a family run establishment, nice quality pens and TV advertisements. It's the part of me that once thought I would go into advertising that doesn't blame him for doing whatever possible to get his buisness out there. I know this annoyed many other readers but to stay relevant in a corporate takeover world it's gotta be done.

Now I also understand his dislike for cemeteries that are now acting as a one stop funeral home and burial packages. My grandparents on my father's side were Catholic and we went through the whole burial of my grandfather through the local Mission's (we live in California) funeral home and Cemetery where my grandmother was buried long before I was born. I see how these can be a bad thing because 1. They take away buisness from other funeral homes going to already ridiculously priced places because the dead already own a space. Just look at how much it is just to have the plot of land. Imagine adding the whole funeral, embalming, etc on top of that. 2. It makes you feel forced to go along with what the church or cemetery feels is right often picking on the grieving. The funeral is regulated by the same corporations and these people are often just trying to upsell aswell.

I did like this book but it was nothing special and nowhere near as entertaining as Six Feet Under. That being said I wish his family the best and hope they never have to sell out, don't want anyone tossing in their graves. 0_o

[Vani · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rating: 2.5 stars

I picked up this book via Overdrive mainly because of the funny title and liked it. The author has done a thorough job of providing insights into the modern death-care industry while presenting basic historical facts and serving as an educational tool for aspiring professionals and curious amateurs (such as yours truly).

Before I go into what I liked about the book, I would like to mention two things that I didn't quite enjoy. The first is the author's tone throughout the book. He comes across as compassionate but I felt that he indulged in self-praising and promoting a little too much. Secondly, the multiple hang-ups he has with everyone from florists, cemetery operators, and casket manufacturers to the bereaved family and assorted attendees felt unnecessary. However, since the title does say "A Funeral Director Reflects...", I can accept the views as personal and therefore, acceptable.

Thanks to this book, I now know the various industry-specific definitions such as sealed burial vaults and the difference between a coffin and a casket, and funeral and memorial services. I've also learned about the different burial and cremation options available and the need to price-shop before committing to a particular service. My favorite parts are the techniques used to restore damaged remains to make the deceased appear as life-like as possible and the development of modern death care practices. I'm fascinated by the changes that have taken place in the industry since the 1800s and how it was shaped by diverse factors such as increasing wealth, the American Civil War, and the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.

I also liked that the author promotes a practical approach to death throughout the book and highlights the ugly side of the business such as how unscrupulous operators take advantage of grieving, vulnerable families. I'm more aware of the potential complications that may arise upon death and feel that I am better prepared to handle such inevitabilities.

[laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

Strange...but somehow entertaining in a sense. How many funeral directors write books? And does one imagine all of the different quirky things that people actually request to be either buried in, buried with, etc... or the strange things that people (loved ones) attending funerals do, say, put into the caskets? It was the type of book that you pick up and read while you are actually reading another book....a filler for when you want to read just a chapter or two. It is not a story so much as an almost guide book to the strangeness of being a mortician.
It will also teach you a bit about what is respectable and not acceptable regarding all facets of death....choosing a casket, the services, writing an obituary, etc...

[David Peters · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mr Webster runs a funeral parlor in Ohio and has written this delightful little book reflecting on his 30 plus years in the "death" business. It took me a little over an hour to read and was filled with wonderful stories involving the handling of the dead. From the heartbreaking (picking up a recently deceased - cancer - mother over three as her little boys watched) to the hilarious (some of the tattoo's and body sizes), he deals with everything with the upmost respect. He also goes through what exactly happens to you when you die, what the possible costs are, and what to expect when it happens to your family. You can preview just about the whole book on Google books.

A great book.

[Dеnnis]

"Tattoos on deceased women are usually less brazen—flowers, butterflies, and the occasional Harley-Davidson insignia. However, I’ve also encountered Jimmy’s Toys emblazoned above a woman’s ample breasts; Honey Pot, complete with an elaborate arrow directing the viewer to the vaginal area; and most incredibly, Deliveries in Rear inscribed just above a young lady’s buttocks."

See? I don't know why people are upset by this book. It doesn't pretend to be any better than the title suggests :D But seriously, where else you can sneak a peek into this strange world?

[Thea · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wish I had read more reviews of this book before reading it. I only got 10% of the way and I had to stop. I very rarely, almost never, quit reading a book until the end. But there was no way I was going to make it through this one. The writer seems to be a very judgmental person and I can say without a doubt that he is the epitome of why his industry is floundering. I have read plenty of death care books and I have NEVER been so disappointed. If you want an amazing book about death care with a side of humor and humility try either of Caitlin Doughty’s books.

[AnnieM · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sure it's not for everyone, but I liked it. I was never taught to fear death. remember, none of us are making it out alive.

This book provides a quick yet not overly gross look at the funeral home world, but more importantly tells a consumer what to look for in getting conned.

Learned a bit about how works and the laws that protect us.

I'd recommend it to people if only they didn't think I was weird for reading it in the first place.

[Ana · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't bring myself to finish this.

There are some great books about the funeral industry out there, i.e. Caitlin Doughty's excellent ones as well as Stiff by Mary Roach.

This one felt undignified - surely some of the deceased mentioned would be recognizable to their families? - and in just plain poor taste. Going on about how he gives out pens?? Sigh.

Would not recommend.

[Fathom · Rating 3 out of 5]

interesting for first third, then tedious and red neck account of the funeral business

[Kelsey · Rating 1 out of 5]

This author rubs me the wrong way.

[Carianne Carleo-Evangelist · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is possibly the most bizarre topic for a non-fiction book that I've read, and I loved it.

Robert Webster, a Funeral Director in middle America, has seen it all, from arranging funeral services for a man who wanted to be buried in his truck to two men who who bartered the cost of a funeral service for a pickup truck and conversion van. He's also a good story teller and the book was very readable.

This book is organized by theme, under which Webster shares stories of his long career and he has many stories from when he was working for others, as well as once he opened his own funeral home in 2001. You don't think about laughing when it comes to funerals-and this isn't even macabre humor in the face of death, it's truly giggle worthy moments that accompany the predicted sad stories that surround death.

This covers a lot of things that I'd venture most people don't think about when planning a service for a loved one, but he also touched on some of the news of the last two decades, including the scandals around funeral homes and their practices and looked at them in a fair light. As a family business, he had the expected look at "carpet bagging", when corporations, but I wouldn't say it was an unfair portrayal.

This book was written in 2006 so the pricing info seems shockingly low, even for middle America.

[Mandilynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have had this sitting in my Kindle books for a really long time. Probably well over a year now. I've studied the death industry for many years, including applying at the Pittsburgh Institute of Mortuary Science while I was in high school. So I knew something like this would interest me.

Despite all this, I had to mark this one DNF. For the first time in my life, I had to DNF a book, not because it sucked or was boring, but because it gave me terrible anxiety.

I'm not a psych major or anything, but I believe the reason for my anxiety increase was because the realities of death consume me daily ever since my mother's breast cancer diagnosis and her recent stroke. I have anxiety attacks daily because I continue to think about how high my chances are of being diagnosed with and dying of cancer or heart disease based on family history. I was never afraid of dying until now. It could be because I now have my own children and I know how hard it would be on them. The details of the death industry really threw me into a tornado of fear which was worse than it was before. Death is inevitable, and for most people, being educated on it makes things a little less scary, but for me, this book just made me need therapy to ease my fears and anxiety.

[Sin Pretextos · Rating 5 out of 5]

I find this book as a necessary read for everyone, simply because we are all destined to die. Death, especially in American culture is a taboo topic not to be brought up until a death in the family occurs. The only issue is that in the midst of grief people don't always make the best decisions. I can say that I have experienced seeing the nasty side of people who have fought over belongings of a deceased because the person in question never thought to write a will.
This book does not reflect on the gory details of the funeral business but rather gives you a perspective that as a reader is quite valuable, such as information you need to know. It is never too early to write a will, never too early to think about either wanting a burial or a cremation etc etc.
Funerals are not easy nor are they cheap, better to do the research now to save up, rather than leave the grief and the stress to your loved ones. It's your body, so make sure you get a say in what happens after death.

[Emily Civiletta · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting read

I purchased this book to inform me on a subject that I knew little of. Although details were given, in my opinion, the book seemed like more of an occasion to trash the recent formations of conglomerate companies instead of more personal family owned funeral homes. I did agree with the author’s points on possible loss of control of funeral experiences when a large funeral corporation took over the traditional family owned business, I felt that too much of the book was directed to this occurrence instead of anecdotes and other details of running a funeral business in general. I thought I would feel more informed about the “behind the scenes” running of the funeral home after completing this book, but this was not the case.

[untitled lullaby · Rating 3 out of 5]

I genuinely urge anyone reading this to read about green burials, he speaks very quickly on the matter and it’s clear he disapproves of it. I think often he contradicts himself. He also doesn’t seem to be that likable. I did read it and finish it so it does warrant at least a 2.5. I think it would be a good read if you were going into the business. I would not recommend if you were reading specifically for stories (which I wasn’t I am interested in the business) anywho it seems like he runs a good business on google reviews anyway. He can be very patronizing and doesn’t like other methods besides getting buried in a nice casket and everyone dresses and acts nice

[Sheuringd1988 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Informing and entertaining

I actually purchased this book by mistake, but found it both interesting and humorous. I especially liked the history of the funeral business, and had all but forgotten the "hearse-ambulances" of my childhood, used way before EMS and 911 in our small town. I found the book realistic and frank in dealing with people. Yes, as a nurse, I've seen similar situations. All in all, I'm glad I hit "buy now" by mistake.

[Tannya D. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very informational

Enjoyable in a morbid kind of way. The author has a sense of humor, which I am sure helps in this type of business. His descriptions are very distinct; I could picture what he was describing. Reading this has been an eye opener for becoming slightly more comfortable with death, but also for helping aid into the “do’s and don’ts” of preparing for funerals. This was a great addition to my curious need to learn more about death.

Kudos!

[Alexander · Rating 1 out of 5]

The problem with this book is that the author is completely unself-aware and believes his own hype. This just repeatedly leads to constant jarring moments.

Perhaps the stand out example is the part where he goes on about the importance of treating the dead with dignity and how he always makes sure to do so and then in the next section goes on to graphically describe the breasts of a twenty four year old female suicide victim.

[Ronald Couch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funerals

By the time one gets to be my age, we have accepted funerals as naturally as we accept births. We often make the assumption that all attending a funeral will be glum. That is not so, as well as not as respectful as should be. But, what happens behind the proverbial "curtain" in a funeral home? This book touched on the humorous and not so humorous sides of funerals. It contains much useful information.

[Heather Erickson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent Book

I was curious about the funeral industry, since my husband and I are preplanning his funeral. This was an excellent book filled with fascinating stories and Frank advice by a seasoned funeral director/embalmer. I enjoyed many of the stories and teared up reading others. Still, others, made me chuckle. Mr. Webster is a very good writer. I recommend this book.