Wrestling with an Angel: A Story of Love, Disability and the Lessons of Grace

by Greg Lucas

"It sounded at first like something out of an old horror movie. I thought maybe someone was just playing around, but then I heard it again and again, a loud piercing cry, and less like Hollywood every time. The windows were down in my police cruiser on that warm fall day, but I still couldn't tell where the sounds came from. I began looking around for the unlikely sight of someone being disemboweled in a mall parking lot on a Saturday afternoon. Seeing nothing, and still hearing the screams, I called in a 'disturbance.' Around the next corner I found the source of the commotion." So begins Greg Lucas' captivating account of life as a husband, a police officer, and Jake's dad. Jake Lucas, the first of four children, lives with severe physical and mental challenges. Caring for him each day is an ordeal few of us can imagine, and this story of Jake's first 17 years is not one you will soon forget. But the remarkable thing is how the whole narrative is saturated with wonder at the grace and goodness of God, who brings hope and promise through his Son into the darkest of circumstances. In this book, we see that Jake's problems are our problems, only bigger, and the challenges of caring for him carry profound lessons about God's care for us. Wrestling with an Angel is about tragedy and laughter and pain and joy. It is about faith and grace and endurance and God's unfailing, loving wisdom daily being worked out in each of our lives, whatever the nature or extent of our difficulties. Here is a book that may explain faith to you in ways you never quite grasped, through a life few of us can relate to. When it is all done, we come away better able to live as Christ calls us to live.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Biography, Memoir, Parenting, Audiobook, Spirituality

108 pages, Paperback

First published September 7, 2010

Reviews

[Kara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Powerful. I read this in one sitting. Greg Lucas shares what he's learned about God's grace through life with his significantly disabled son. Simple and profound.

"When people ask me how I became a follower of Jesus, I always tell them that a two-year-old, non-verbal, mentally disabled, autistic boy led me straight to the cross and since then has been used to display God's grace in the most amazing ways."

[Jess Etheridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

A 2 hour audiobook that I’ve now listened to twice. I love this book and think the view of grace this father receives through parenting his son with disabilities is so hopeful to everyone walking in this weary world.

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely gripping and wonderful read of a father's love for his disabled son. You can tell he has wrestled with a lot of questions, but wrestled them in the arms of God, seeing His Heavenly Father's unconditional and gripping love for us in our spiritual disability and mess in the midst of his own struggle to raise his son. Must read!

[Jonathan Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! Tears, smiles, tears, heart warmed and more tears. Not all the tears were sad tears. What a story and what a God who wrote it. One part Greg’s family’s story and one part theological meditation, this book was spectacular. I was so blessed to read it. Last week my family served at a camp for families with disabled children, and this book on the heals of this time really touched me. Greg and his wife Kim are heroes and like heroes they see things more clear through their journey. Lord thank You for showing this to them and sharing it with me. Please go read this book!

[Miguel · Rating 5 out of 5]

blessings on greg and the rest of the lucas family for this wonderful glimpse of caring for a child with special needs. they were victorious in what the Lord placed on them. beyond the difficulties of the labor shines Christ’s love for the helpless. their theology was amazing, and even more was how they were able to apply it on their day to day experiences. pure and undefiled religion was displayed in this account. im very grateful for this book which will afford any reader great insights on the issue.

[Unchong Berkey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This short book packed a punch. Written by a dad with a severely disabled son, it was full of truths, gospel hope, grace, & wisdom. So much perspective.

[Christiana Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book moved me immensely. Written by a man whose son has special needs, it is a book that primarily focuses not on disability or parenting, but on faith and how his son has pointed him to God. It is profoundly personal and intimate while primarily conveying ideas rather than a simple narrative account of his family and life with Jake. It is a quick and simple read... if I wasn't listening to the audiobook, I almost certainly would have read it in one sitting.

*A quick tangent: how wonderful that this book was available on audio! I've been looking for it for 2 years at libraries and ebook consortiums through my library accounts, but it is a little-known book published by Cruciform Press, so I assumed that I would have to buy it eventually if I wanted to read it. I was surprised and delighted to discover yesterday that not only is there an audiobook recorded (with a narrator's voice that I found pleasant) but that it was available for free on Hoopla.

The ideas in this book are mainly taken from the author's blog, and I recognized many passages as things that I had read there already. In fact, my only critique is that some of his writings that I found to be most impactful when I read his blog in 2015 aren't included in the book... likely they were posts that he wrote later, but I wish that this book was longer! God used some of his later reflections to reshape my heart and help me see people with disabilities more clearly, particularly with regards to their vital role in the church. Would that He would continue to do that work in me!

As for this book, the theology is clearly expressed and engagingly accessible. The beautiful truths of God's words applied to the author's life and context in chapter 8 brought me unexpectedly to tears as I thought of some special boys I love in an institution across the ocean, but this is an important book regardless of how pertinent the concept of disability seems to you. It covers so many different facets of faith in Christ, just played out in the author's everyday experiences with his son. I would especially recommend the book for pastors, parents, and people who want to dive more deeply into receiving grace and loving others. The small investment of time to read Wrestling With An Angel will reap big rewards.

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this series of short chapters, Greg Lucas explores the lessons he's learned about God's grace through caring for one of his sons, who has profound disability.

I'll be honest, I went into this with some trepidation. My son has Down Syndrome, and sometimes I've been given materials that aren't really helpful. What I found was a simple yet profound journey of grace through the author's life. I was crying by the end of the first chapter because the harsh realities of parenting a child with a disability were right there: the fears, the anxieties, the weariness. But through it all Lucas does a beautiful job of highlighting how his suffering has revealed solid truths, and I was so thankful for his honesty and commitment to highlighting that God is in the midst of our struggles, revealing His grace and character. Please don't feel that you can't read this book if you don't have someone with a disability in your life. We all go through difficult seasons, and God's grace is there. The lessons Lucas has learned can benefit anyone who loves the Lord and wants to see Him more in the struggles we face.

[Jonathan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I could give this book as 6! I want to recommend it to everyone!
I could not help but weep while reading much of this book. I have learned so much from so few pages! One such quote (but even more so, the application in the author’s experience) has stuck with me everyday since reading it. The author quotes Augustine (from my memory) - “God gives what God requires.” The author, his family, & his special needs son Jake suffered much but through that suffering they found Grace from God and reliance on Him. The author is open and honest about his struggles and thankfully, also open about the revelations that God has shown to him through the pain.
This book, like God’s grace, showed up at the right time.
It also includes Matthew Henry’s commentary on the question of suffering in regards to the man born blind in scripture, and also works by John Piper on suffering.
We all have much to learn about it. This book is a great place to gain some wisdom.

[Brittany · Rating 4 out of 5]

short but profoundly authentic memior of a father to a disabled son. He weaves in reflections on grace, love, and mercy throughout. His experiences of policing and the day in and day out care for a boy who has 5 audible words and needs fulltime care were moving. I was struck by their experience finding a residential community for their son and process of getting him there and the growth Jake experienced once he was there.
Recommended by Kevin deyoung podcast

[Hank Pharis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great testimony regarding raising a handicapped child.

(Note: I'm stingy with stars. For me 2 stars means a good book or a B. 3 = Very good or a B+; 4 = Outstanding or an A {only about 5% of the books I read merit this}; 5 = All time favorites or an A+ {one of these may come along every 400-500 books})

[Barbara Harper · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Greg Lucas and his wife adopted a baby that had been abandoned to the hospital where his wife worked, they had no idea what was ahead of them. Their son, Jake, seemed normal, healthy, and happy at first. But after his first birthday, he began having seizures where he’d suddenly stop breathing. Various doctors and medications were tried. The seizures eventually stopped, but Jake was left with a series of issues: Sensory Integration Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Pervasive Developmental Disorder, and autism—just to name a few.

Greg tells of what he’s learned through helping Jake over eighteen years. Jake operated at the level of a two-year-old. Every bath time became a wresting match due to Jake’s severe sensory issues. As Jake got older and stronger, taking care of him became harder.

How do you care for someone who resists your love with violence, who opposes your very presence even when that presence is necessary for his good? How do you keep on loving when the person you are devoted to seems incapable of affection? The only way to make any sense of this kind of relationship is to experience it through the truly unconditional love of the Father (p. 23, Kindle version).

Over and over, Greg and his wife were brought to the total end of themselves in caring for Jake. But they found that a good place to be, because there they could only lean on God’s grace.

Greg writes with raw honesty but also with great sensitivity and beauty. He writes of the grace of an occasional easy day, a glimpse of his son as normal; how humiliation leads to humility, how they found ways to communicate when Jake had only five words in his vocabulary, how dangerous it is when someone can’t express himself, concerns over whether and how much Jake can understand about Jesus and salvation, Jake’s tendency towards injury, concerns about how to take care of Jake as he got older, agonizing over whether to send him to a specialized residential school away from home.

I think this would be an excellent book for someone with a mentally or developmentally disabled child or relative or friend. But I found it beneficial as well, even though I don’t know anyone with problems as severe as Jake’s. The lessons of faith and grace shine through as we realize the spiritual disabilities we all have and our Father’s abundant love in caring for us.

[Jacob Gonzales · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book just hits different.

I am disabled and I am a father, so this book hits so many emotions in so few pages that it’s difficult to summarize.

The author, Greg Lucas, writes about his experiences, biblical hope and wisdom, while providing the most brutally honest yet compassionate perspective on life as a parent with a disabled child.

I almost cried so many times and that is saying something for me. Read this for a refreshingly beautiful perspective on life, disability, parenting, and God.

[Ellie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book covered some very real struggles of life, on top of those that come with parenting a disabled child. The theology paired with the story was also very good, and was helpful even to me. The story in it of itself was also well-written, with colorful description and figurative language that was creative, but easy to understand at the same time. Good parallels in between Jake's life and attitude and his father's.

[Marilyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book on many levels! Written from a place of vulnerability expressing raw emotions. The author relates his experience of caring for his son with disabilities and the increasing concerns and issues that arise as his son ages. He so easily relates his experience to how God relates to His children with love and grace. The author shares what he learns about God through caring for his son. An excellent and easy to read book with lots of food for thought!

[Shanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

😭😭😭

This book was short - I read it in one setting. But it brought me to tears and reminded me of the profound lessons and love of God I experienced while working with special needs kids.

I wish more books were like this - just a quick glimpse into someone’s story and what they’ve learned through their life journey so far.

[Sarah-Marie Rosin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Powerful

If you have a child with a disability, or know of someone with one this book is a must read. Powerful story of a dad caring for his disabled son, and the lessons God teaches him through it.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreakingly full of grace and hope. Only read this if you want your faith challenged. This truth hurts, but mostly my pride.

[Laurie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful and heart breaking all in one, this book is one I hope to share with others.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has been the most helpful book I’ve read on disability.

[NinaB · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very encouraging read. The author tells of his difficult experience caring for a severely disabled child for 17 years and the lessons he learned along the way.

[Jack Bush · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book makes you think of how God's grace and mercy are manifested in your life. This book tugged at my heart and made me reflect on my relationship with the Lord. I highly recommend it.

[Mason · Rating 5 out of 5]

With humility and excellence, Greg Lucas shares of God’s amazing grace in the midst of our brokenness. A compelling testimony which gives God the glory.

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Esp. ch 4-5

[Alena · Rating 5 out of 5]

This short (I finished it in a long bus ride) packs a forceful punch: Greg Lucas is incredibly honest and heartfelt in sharing the struggles he and his family face as they learn together how to love his son, and he weaves this with deep theology that he has clearly wrestled with for a long time.

On suffering:
'My experience is that God will place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot possibly carry it alone. He will break your back and your will. He will buckle your legs until you fall flat beneath the crushing weight of your load. All the while He will walk beside you waiting for you to come to the point where you must depend on Him. "My power is made perfect in your weakness," He says, as we strain under our burden.'

After sharing what it's like to bathe his son, Jake, on a daily basis for 17 years:

'Many times while cleaning and changing Jake, I have been kicked in the face, bitten, smacked, clawed, spit on, or hit with flying objects. It is not too unusual to come away from one of those cleanups with a bloody lip or a new scratch... Many evenings, in desperation, I find myself restraining his struggles by wrapping him in my arms against his will and gently whispering, "I love you. I love you. I love you - no matter what."

How do you care for someone who resists your love with violence, who opposes your very presence even when that presence is necessary for his good? How do you keep on loving when the person you are devoted to seems incapable of affection? The only way to make any sense of this kind of relationship is to experience it through the truly unconditional love of the Father.'

What is most striking about this book is the theme of 'grace' that undergirds every word that the author says. Through adopting his son, through his understanding of suffering, through the helplessness, through the insecurity, Lucas shows how he is learning more and more about God's grace. I was unspeakably encouraged and amazed at how God is working not by removing, but through this heavy burden, to bring about his purposes.

'To this day, no one is quite sure what's wrong with Jake. But I know what is right with him. He is my son. And not only did God see fit to bring this exceptional child into our family, but He used Jake as a miraculous messenger of saving grace. When people ask me how I became a follower of Jesus, I always tell them that a two-year-old, non-verbal, mentally disabled, autistic boy led me straight to the cross and since then has been used to display God's grace in the most amazing ways.'

[Melissa Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a short book that packs a powerful punch. Written by a father of a special needs child, it is a humbling and refreshing account of how he and his family were brought near to God through hardship and struggle. While reading this, I couldn't help but think of some of my friends who are going through a really hard time right now. This is the type of book I wouldn't hesitate to give them. It is void of all Christian-ease and cheese and is just very encouraging, refreshing and humbling. I applaud the author for his courage to share with us, in so genuine a manner, a window into his life and heart.

I was convicted, while reading this book, that my hardships aren't nearly half as trying as those Greg faced, and I don't approach them with nearly as much faith and hope in God as he did.

A few of my favorite tidbits:

"I hear religious-minded people say all the time with good intentions, 'God will never place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot carry it.' Really? My Experience is that God will place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot possibly carry it alone....All the while He will walk beside you waiting for you to come to the point where you must depend on Him. 'My power is made perfect in your weakness,' He says, as we strain under our burden."

"True desperation is always the most fertile ground for God's grace to produce an abundant harvest of hope. And each time God has shown us His greatest glory, He has always first revealed our greatest despair."

[Joe · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a rather short book but I will certainly not be forgetting about it anytime soon. Lucas is an incredibly adept storyteller who provides series of candid snapshots of his family's experiences raising their adopted and disabled son. As a result, this book crashed against the shore my own heart, and changed it, despite my having no connection to anyone with a significant disability. Lucas' story is like an aged and beaten lighthouse on the water's edge. It has a beautiful and rugged appearance because of the years spent bearing the relentless erosion of the waves. It bears many cracked surfaces and the paint is chipped off, it's original luster faded, but yet it stands as a testament, and it shines God's relentless grace all the more brightly where there otherwise would have been shipwreck. I would honestly recommend it to anyone. If you read this book; you will cry, you will laugh, you will stop and pray, and you will have a deeper sense of God's grace and fatherly love in the deepest trenches of life on this side of heaven.

[Jeanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is more of a story of how a family thru the grace of God rose but was humbled, rejoiced but suffered humiliation, fought but was transformed by the tenderness of God. All because of a decision to adopt a baby that was abandoned. The wife worked out the hospital that the baby was left and their lives were forever changed. I do believe that this a book to be read by all because we all can learn about the fraility of life that we take for granted every day. At some points of this book, my heart was heavy and could not even fathom the depth of all that this family sacrificed. If you are not suffering, you have not sacrificed. Because of the suffering and sacrifice, they were able to experience grace, God's hand and blessing that many of us miss. The story showed that we all have disabilities and how God loves us thru those disabiilties.

[Jason · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about a loving Father on a relentless mission to save sinners and draw them near. It is also about a loving earthly father who adopted a severely disabled son, and how he was brought very low in suffering and sin, only to be redeemed and constantly blessed through a powerful faith in Jesus Christ. This book features both rich orthodox reformed Christian theology and an incredibly engaging story. It's also, to boot, a fairly quick read (it took me a little over an hour). This book greatly encouraged me and, several times, wrecked me to tears. My 2-year-old soon was recently diagnosed with autism. I have no way of knowing if my experience will be anything like the author's regarding the specific symptoms. But thanks in part to the author's commendable faith and vulnerability, I can rest all the more assured in Jesus, whatever may come.

[Jean]

"Humility is a gift that’s hard to receive, because it often comes by way of humiliation, which in the eyes of the world and my own fallen, human wisdom is nothing but weakness and failure."

"In summary, salvation happens by grace. Ultimately, we can’t do a single thing to bring it about. This does not mean, however, that I am passive about Jake’s spiritual condition. I am to be diligent with each of my children’s spiritual nourishment. But, as with physical nourishment, we do not feed all our children the same way…I am responsible to prepare the gospel for my children, to plant the seek of faith, and to water it accordingly. God is responsible for their understanding and growth."

Greg's Blog: http://sheepdogger.blogspot.com/