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421 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1914
“They say that the sun gives life to the universe. The sun will rise and — look at it, isn’t it dead? Everything is dead, the dead are everywhere. There are only people, and all around them is silence — that’s the earth.”
“You yourself know what has swallowed me up. Since I have no hope and am nothing in your eyes, I can speak my mind: everywhere I look I see only you, nothing else matters. Why and how I love you — I don’t know. Do you know, maybe you’re not good at all?”Because it simply can't be a Dostoyevsky collection without a pathetic man head over insane heels for a woman who's kinda mean?
“Do you know that some day I will kill you? I won’t kill you because I have stopped loving you or because I’m jealous of you, but I’ll kill you simply because sometimes I want to devour you.”Even when it was revealed that she did love Alexei the entire time, I didn't feel all that sorry for her. Maybe I need to reread the novella again; I'm a little unsettled with how scarcely I care for Polina since she (apparently) was worthy of Alexei's fervent desire:
“What’s your anger to me? I love without hope, and I know that after this I will love you a thousand times more. If I kill you some day, I’ll have to kill myself as well, you know; but I’ll put off killing myself as long as possible so that I can feel the unbearable pain of being without you. Do you want to know something incredible? I love you more with every passing day, and that’s all but impossible, you know.”Like, if this woman can inspire in you so much beautiful declarations of love, why don't I like her all that much? Maybe there's something wrong with me.
“You don’t know with what paradise I would have surrounded you. The paradise was in my soul; I would have planted it all round you! Well, you wouldn’t have loved me — so be it, what of it? Everything would have been like that, everything would have stayed like that. You would have talked to me only as a friend — and we would have rejoiced and laughed with joy, as we looked into each other’s eyes. That’s how we would have lived. And if you had fallen in love with somebody else — well, so be it, so be it! You would have walked with him and laughed, while I looked on from the other side of the street . . . Oh, let it be anything, anything, if only she would open her eyes just once! For one moment, just one! . . .”
“What are your laws to me now? What do I need with your customs, your ways, your life, your government, your faith? Let your judges judge me, let them take me to court, to your public court, and I will say that I acknowledge nothing. The judge will shout: ‘Silence, officer!’ And I will cry out to him: ‘What power do you now possess that I should obey you? Why has dark inertia shattered that which was dearest of all? What need have I now of your laws? I part company with you.’ Oh, it’s all the same to me!”
"Oh, how it all disgusts me! What pleasure it would give me to wash my hands of everybody and everything!"