I'm Not Her

by Janet Gurtler

“For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel envy…”

Tess is the exact opposite of her beautiful, athletic sister. And that’s okay. Kristina is the sporty one, Tess is the smart one, and they each have their place. Until Kristina is diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly Tess is the center of the popular crowd, everyone eager for updates. There are senior boys flirting with her. Yet the smiles of her picture-perfect family are cracking and her sister could be dying. Now Tess has to fill a new role: the strong one. Because if she doesn’t hold it together, who will?

Genres: Young Adult, Contemporary, Realistic Fiction, Fiction, Romance, Family, Chick Lit

288 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 2011

About the author

Janet Gurtler is a Rita Award Finalist for her book, I'M NOT HER. Her young adult books have also been chosen for the Junior Library Guild Selection and as Best Books for Teens from the Canadian Children’s Book Center.

Janet's latest young adult novel, THE OTHER ME will be released in 2027 from Great Plains Press.

THE OTHER ME is a parallel life romance about the importance of choices. It's a thought provoking story for people who have sometimes wondered...what if.

Janet lives in Alberta, Canada, with her best friend, Betty White, a beautiful golden retriever who takes her for daily walks.

Reviews

[Cara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can almost guarantee that everybody knows somebody who has had cancer, whether it is you, a friend, neighbor, coworker, relative, etc. I think most people have seen someone go through this. I'm surprised actually of how little young-adult literature deals with this issue, but here Gurtler attacks it head on and gives a realistic portrayal of a family dealing with cancer.

Tess is not like her older sister, not even a smidge. She's artistic, nerdy, and not anywhere near to even be a blip in the social radar. Kristina on the other hand is popular, well-liked, and a star on the volleyball team. She's a senior in high school with a promising future, and she is basically on top of the world. All that comes to a screeching halt when Kristina gets checked out for a chronic pain in her knee, it turns out to be the worst case scenario, cancer.

The author really does an excellent job of capturing how cancer not only affects the person who has it, but the family has cancer to. The best and worst come out in people, and everybody reacts differently. I'd have to say that Tess's family isn't the most exemplary example. There are families who deal with it worse but also much better. The book is told through Tess's point of view, and I'm glad it was. You see her struggle with being a good sister and still wanting her own life not to spin out of control too. She still wants things, but at the same time tries to be the strong one in her family. Tess has a lot of the reactions people normally have. At first she can't believe it's true, that it can be that bad. Then comes the anxiety of what should be done and what can she do? How do you talk to someone who thinks they may be dying? Whose whole life has changed? It's beyond hard, it's almost impossible to know what to do.

This isn't a necessarily an easy book to read. You get mad at the characters and how each of them reacts to Kristina. And you want things to turn out right, but that's not how life is like. It's messy and we all are only human. It's weird but not how Tess herself goes through a transformation because of this. Things she once thought she was sure of and thought were important, become so trivial. She becomes more out-spoken, stronger, and learns who has her back and who doesn't.

All the characters are well fleshed out and bring something to the story. It was just so spot on, the only reason why I knocked off a star was because I would have liked to seen more of Kristina. There is a lot of Kristina in the story obviously, but I would have liked to understand her a little bit better.

As you can tell I'm doing a terrible of job of conveying how much I thought the book told a true story that is being a played throughout so many homes. I can personally attest that this felt real, sad but real.

[Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well. Of course I loved it! ;)

[Kristi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Whew... so heartbreaking, but realistic. This was an especially difficult book for me to read right now. Having cancer affecting a few people in my life right now. Luckily they are fairing very well to their treatments, but it's still hard to read about what they might have had to gone through.

But this wasn't a story about a girl with cancer. This was a story about a family dealing with someone they love having cancer, and how they are each are affected... in very very different ways.

I was mad at Kristina and Tess's parents, but at the same time, I can't imagine how devastating it would be as a parent, to be powerless to protect your child from something like this. I enjoyed that the focus was on Tess and how she dealt with her sister's condition, how it made her realize the important things in life, and learn to stand up for herself when the occasion called for it.

It was a beautifully written story... I felt so many emotions while reading, it was hard to keep track. One moment I was devastated for Kristina, the next moment I was in shock for Tess... then excited for Tess. Great characterization and just a great story.

[Trisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

"You're still you. And I don't want you to die."

Very few things are as sobering as having your kids squealing and playing, seeming healthy and happy, all around you while you read a book about childhood cancer.

Tess is a strong, smart,independent kind of girl. She's tried to earn her way into honor society through grades, volunteering and extra activities.

Her sister Kristina is pretty, sporty and popular. She's easy to talk to, quick to flash a smile and easy to make friends with.

Up until Kristina is diagnosed with cancer. Gone is the self assured, pretty girl - now she is quiet, depressed and not coping well.

This is Tess' story of her life, her family and how it all changed when the word CANCER krept into their lives. I can't judge anyone and how they would handle this situation. It's startling and terrifying in the reality that it can happen to any of us.

But this book, this story, was a nice change to be told through Tess. She struggles with her own fears and guilt. And she finds out just how strong she is. And I liked seeing all the other reactions played out through the supporting characters - from Nick to Jeremy, Mom & Dad, to Melissa and Gee and Devon. Everyone had their own idea, right? And some of their reactions to the news might surprise you.

Oh, and my favorite part? "Superman much?" I loved the whole story there.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm Not Her by Janet Gurtler is incredibly frustrating, wonderful and utterly engaging. It is the story of sisters who will both make you smile and break your heart. I was a little unsure of myself going into this novel, but I couldn't put it down. It is an emotional, touching ride through the lives of two girls suffering in totally different ways.

Talk about powerful. I could not imagine going through the trite problems of being a typical freshman in high school AND having to watch my gorgeous older sister (who has everything) get knocked out by cancer. Everything about how the characters acted in this book seemed real to me- completely believable. I felt like I was experiencing high school with Tess. Boys. Jealousy. Bad friends. Discovering who you are and what you love.

It is scary and sad to see how Kristina's cancer effects her, her family and their community. It made me appreciate how lucky I am that my family and I have our health. The ending is truly quite shocking and is actually what really frustrated me. I just kept thinking, why, Janet? Why? Why couldn't you cut our Kristina a break and just let her have one thing that makes her happy! Without giving any spoilers, that is all I will say. Sigh. Sad. Powerful. Touching.

I highly recommend this story though it is a little hard to read due to the nature of the plot- seeing a young girl with unlimited potential going through chemo is inspiring but sad. This is a great contemporary young adult novel and I hope that many young readers pick it up.

[Natalie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ok.
Deep breath.
Okayyyyyyyyy.

What I liked?
1. The parts about cancer. I thought the reaction of Kristina (the one with cancer) was really realistic. Unfortunately, there are not a lot of Kristina moments because of her whiny ass little sister who this book more or less revolved around.

And just like that we are to what I did not like about the book.

The main character. This little brat of a freshman who was all:
Wahhhhhh. It's all about my sister and her cancer and what about my grades and art?!
Wahhhhhh. I shouldn't be thinking that way because I love my sister and her cancer is way worse.
Wahhhhhh. My ass looks great in these jeans but I can't look like I want to be popular even though I suddenly am being a biatch to my former best friend and have crazy hormones that make me want every boy in sight.

PUH-LEEZE.



By the last 15% of the book, I was starting to skim because I was getting so annoyed by the attitude adjustment that Tess needed (and did not get). I also got annoyed by the writing.

Exhibit A:
...if staring could burrow holes in our heads, we'd be more porous than SpongeBob SquarePants.



Random. So, so random. Just like everything that happened in this book. There was no flow. It was all over the place. There were truly no likeable characters except the "dork" who likes Tess...but I liked him less for liking Tess for no reason at all.

And here was the last straw for me, this little gem of a line about her "former" best friend who she had already called fat (and I quote: "You're fat and mean and no one likes you," I hiss.) and constantly refers to her being overweight:

Melissa frowns and her double chin triples.



There is no making up between her and this friend, and it just drops off. No, this kind of thing is not ok with me. And it made me think not only less of the character but of the author as well.

UGH.
1.5 stars And only because of my one thing I liked about it.

[Mikara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not Her by Janet Gurtler was a very inspiring book, that really touched my heart. For being someone who can't stand to read, I couldn't put this book down. It showed me that even when you're jealous of someone or always wanting to be them, they could have other issues no one knows about. In the novel, the main character, Tess, was always the quiet, shy, and unpopular girl. Unlike Tess, her sister was always the athletic one, who always got the boys and was beautiful. Tess always secretly wanted to be her older sister, until one day, when all those thoughts went away. Tess quickly realizes that sometimes being the prettiest and most active, sometimes has its weird turns to disaster. When I was reading this novel, I was really put into the situation and it quickly became very emotional to me. I felt like I was in Tess' place and watching what everyone in that family had to go through, made my heart sink. This novel, would be recommended to everyone. Who knows, maybe the ones who say they don't like reading, might just find out, when you find a good book like this one, you just can't put it down. Strongly suggested.

[Just a person]

This was a really powerful and emotional story, about love, family and discovering who you are.
I'm not her addresses popularity and letting who you are shine. Tess breaks my heart, and I'm able to relate with how she feels and what she battles with. It's hard watching her learn about her friend, who her sister is to her, and discovering new things about what she once mocked.
It's really eye-opening to see how cancer really effects the community and to see how even little things can make an impact.
The family dynamics are well written and very believable. It's hard to read, but at the same time, I can see pieces of my family, my behaviors in each and it's hard to look down at all when you know where they are coming from.
If you like emotional reads, contemporary, then I'd definitely recommend giving this a read.

[Tracey Macleod · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this authors voice. This is a must read!!

[Kelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I generally don't read a lot of what I consider YA, but I did like this book. Books about cancer are hard, books about cancer that people have a chance to survive are also hard, I have a skewed opinion, can't help it. This book revolves around the younger sister and dealing with her sister's diagnosis. An excellent viewpoint. I absolutely wanted to throttle their parents for acting like children, but this book really kept my attention. I remember when my dad said if kids can do chemo, so can I, so true dad. I miss you everyday and absolutely hate cancer.

[Tiara T. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have just finished the book, I’m Not Her by Janet Gurtler. In this book, Kristina, the school’s most popular girl has been diagnosed with cancer. She’s missing school to be treated with chemotherapy, but doesn’t want a single person at school to know. If I were Kristina, I would probably feel the same way because I wouldn’t want people to think of me as “the girl who has cancer.” Although I may not have as many rumors going around as she did, it would be a personal thing and I wouldn’t want to share it with everyone. Unlike Kristina, I am pretty close to my friends and I trust them a lot. Later on in the story, Kristina develops an extremely true and incredible bond with this boy named Jeremy. His mother has breast cancer so he is at the hospital everyday. Kristina was extremely lucky to have met someone who cares for her so much during the treatment where she was hoping she could just die. Although I cannot relate to Kristina’s unfortunate experiences, I am able to understand how much Jeremy meant to her because of his caring personality that definitely shines through. Jeremy dies in a car crash, shattering Kristina’s world into even smaller pieces. To have lost such a supportive friend is unthinkable. If I were Kristina, I think I would have an even bigger meltdown than she did. I wouldn’t believe what I was hearing and was being told.
The author put many twists and turns into this book. When all seems fine, something has to come along and tear you apart. I think this story was about moving on, and accepting your fate. No one wanted to believe Kristina really had cancer, but people had to learn that it was the truth. This story also puts friendship to the test. Do people mean what they say? What they really do if something became an actuality? Would they make you feel guilty or try to comfort you?
I am almost positive that the author, Janet Gurtler, has lost someone in her life due to cancer. She tells this story in a way with so much emotion and feeling. I think it would be very hard to make up some of these character’s personalities and reactions when experiencing hard times. For example, the mother, did dangerous things and got herself addicted to specific things because of the difficulty she was having accepting the fact that Kristina’s life was at risk. Kristina’s father, he hid himself away from Kristina, as if he were afraid. He got into golfing so he could avoid Kristina’s presence.
Janet Gurtler wrote this fantastic book about cancer and human nature. She is able to describe the story in a way as if it seems you are are experiencing your life along with Kristina’s. This book teaches me that through all the hard times that you have to face, always know that there is something good in where you are headed.

[Grace Mycek · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were some parts of this book I just thought were absolutely amazing and I loved. But then there were just as equally the same amount of other parts that made me just want to put the book down altogether. I just want to let anyone know, if you're looking for a happy everything-turns-out-ok-in-the-end story, this is not it (well basically)! I just feel bad for most of these characters. There's something tragic going on with basically each and every one of them and even though I thought the story was ok overall, it made it a very bleak and depressing read.


Tess is nothing like her older sister. Kristina is perfect and beautiful, guys flock to her, she has the whole social world riding on her back, she is going to be a scholarship volleyball player, and she has the adoration of everyone. That is, until she is diagnosed with bone cancer. Suddenly, Kristina is unsure of the person who she's become and cuts off everybody she's made a part of her life. Quiet artistic Tess must stand up to the plate and be strong for her sister and her family. Tess suddenly is pushed into Kristina's shoes. She becomes popular at school, updating all of her sister's friends with the news, boys take notice of her and while all this is happening she must cope with the realization that her family life is falling apart. How will she stand when everything and everyone she's ever loved gets turned completely upside down?


I did like the idea of this story, don't get me wrong. I loved how Tess basically took over a maternal role to Kristina and how she did what she thought was best for her sister and stood up for her at school whenever anyone tried to put her down. I enjoyed watching the growth of some of the characters and the maturation into discovering their true self. Tess becoming the popular at school showed her how being social isn't always a shallow thing and that some of the popular crowd weren't actually jerks but genuine good people. Seeing Kristina realize that looks and clothes weren't everything was also a breath of fresh air. She becomes this whole new person and starts to realize that she can still do the things she believes in and sets her mind to. There's a mass of other side characters: Their mom and dad (who had some serious issues by the way. I just couldn't stand how unlike parents...or good parents...they acted.), Jeremy (the boy who helps Kristina see the true her...adorable!), Clark (Tess's new best friend who helps her through the whole process), Nick (scumbag/jerk...just saying), Melissa, Devon, and just a whole slew of others.

I wish this book had ended on a bit of a happier note but it was a nice read overall.

[Jillyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nobody looks at Tess. She's a weird and anti-social freshman, always studying. Not to mention the lack of fashion that both she and her religious fanatic obese best friend possess. No, everyone would rather look at her older sister, Kristina. Kristina is bubbly and easy to like. She's nice to everyone, beautiful, and the star of the girls' volleyball team. That is, until Kristina is diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly Tess finds her home life falling apart, with her sick sister, gossipy mother, and absent father all tearing away her own goals, while at school she's thrust into morbid popularity. She's the sister of the hot one who's sick. Life, trust, and friendships are lost by some but gained by others in this heart-wrenching story of family, love, and coping.

---

I'm not sure that I can write a cohesive, non-blubbering review for this book, but I'm going to try.

+The amount of emotion in this book is simply astounding. Just when I thought I couldn't grieve or cry any harder, Gurtler ripped away another piece. This book is raw, brutal, and often times uncomfortable. But that's what makes it so beautifully written and realistic. Anger, sadness, hope, betrayal, shock, and grief were all present in this novel, and my heart and brain weren't always sure how to react.

+What else made this book realistic is the type of cancer Kristina develops. It occurs in a non-vital location that I never even thought could get cancer. It's a snap back to a harsh reality that cancer can effect any part of anybody at any time.

+The characters were all flawed, but well described. I absolutely loathe both her mother and her "best friend." I wanted to hug Kristina and a few of Tess' new friends.

+And on that note, I wanted to console Tess. I relate more to her than any other character, being a nerdy introvert myself. I also relate because my mom was sick, though it wasn't cancer, and all of a sudden it brought out both the best and worst in people. You'd be amazed how many people change and how drastically in the face of a tragedy.

I could gush forever, but I'll spare you all that rambling mess. I recommend this book for ANYONE affected by cancer, anyone with a sister, or anyone who wants to read a book where they will shed tears. A similar book to compare it to is Tell the Wolves I'm Home. This review can be found on my new blog, Bitches n Prose.

[Bèbè ✦ RANT ✦ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Overall score: 5 Stars!!



Tess likes her life just the way everything is. She is not popular, doesn't wear flashy clothes, has never kissed a boy and the only person who seems to be close to her is her best friend Melissa that she can make fun of other people with. But it's okay because she got the brains and a wicked talent for art.

"People don't run up to me with their cameras and ask to take my picture with them. They run past me without seeing me and grab my sister and pose with her. Or they did."

Her sister is completely different from her. She's beautiful, social and has a bright future in sports. That is until she comes home from a doctor's appointment and announces that she has cancer that's eating her bones away. While trying to cope with the situation, the family is falling apart and Tess is the only one that seems to be the strong one in this and she hates it. She never asked to be popular or have everyone talk to her but she has to be there for her sister especially when she might lose her leg and never be the same anymore. A battle between friends, family, and cancer is raw with emotions and incredible writing.

"Well look at me!" She points at her missing limb. I glance around her room, searching for hints, for the right thing to say. "You're still you. And I don't want you to die. I love you Kristina"

I have cried so many times during this book. I never thought that this kind of story would touch me but it was breaking my heart the way Tess' family was falling apart. I felt so bad for Kristina, especially because she was trying to be strong. When she found out that she was going to lose her leg, she was devastated but her best friend Jeremy was there for her. But OMG!!!!! Taking an insane twist in the story, she loses everything that was giving her hope. This is specially the part of the book that made me cry. This definitely goes out to my All-Favorites and another author to follow.

[Kwoomac · Rating 3 out of 5]

Goodreads giveaway.At first I was underwhelmed by this teen story of one sister, Tess, dealing with her perfect older sister's cancer diagnosis. Kristina. The title implies a major conflict between the two, or with people's perceptions of them, but I never felt this aspect was fully embraced. Once I let go of waiting for that piece, I found this to be a really sweet narrative that dealt nicely with issues of death and dying. The whole family is (obviously) effected by Kristina's diagnosis and there were lots of cringe-worthy scenes as they make poor, selfish choices.

There are many stereotypical teens in the story, which at first disappointed me. As I read further, I really felt like this actually makes the book more accessible to teen readers.Nothing too complicated. I would recommend this book to a teen dealing with similar issues. It's quick, it's easy to read, and it hits all the main points.

I did cry a little but I'm a bit of a baby that way.

My one complaint is that I felt like the author used a cheap trick to suck the reader in. The story starts out with Tess at a funeral, so one assumes that Kristina dies. As it turns out, she is not at Kristina's funeral, but at that of another student from school! So, the whole book, you think you know kristina is going to die and the then she doesn't. Not sure what purpose this served.

[Sammi C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think that this book was really interesting and a page turner because I always wanted to see what happened next. In the beginning of the book I thought of Tess as a little girl, but as the book progressed and her sister got diagnosed with cancer, she had to take on some responsibility which made her seem older. I think that Tess had a rough time because she had to give up on her activities and even her grades had to suffer so she could be there for her sister. She really wanted to get into the honor society, but because she couldn't be at school to work on school work, she didn't get in. I feel bad for Tess because she had been working on that for a very long time and now it is gone. She also really wanted to win an art contest but Nick, a boy that was rude to her won it instead. If I were Tess I would have very mixed emotions. I would be mad for not getting into the honor society I would be sad that my sister got cancer obviously and also that I didn't win the art contest. Although Tess had to go through ups and downs, she managed to get through it all and was always there for her sister even if her family didn't even realize it.

[Steena Holmes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Freakin' fantastic!
I just finished the story and I can't say enough about how much I loved it. The way the author met the hard facts and realities head on, the honesty in the writing ...
I have three daughters who will be reading this story. To know that there is strength in tragedy. That one persons weakness is another's strength. To realize there is more to life than themselves - even when their teenage hearts cry otherwise.
Thank you for this story. Thank you for the depth that made me cry.

[Hanan Kayali · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book reminded me a lot about my friend who also had cancer. She also had it in her leg and had to use a wheelchair. This book was great because it shows how cancer affects the family and friends too. R.I.P Suzan. You're always in my thoughts.

[Blerta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun fact: I read this book solely bc I read it in 7th grade during state testing and loved it then and now my rating may be slightly boosted bc of that.

I forgot how dramatic this book was and it does scream middle school. it is like disaster after disaster but I kinda loved it bc it was just quirky.

Tess the Mess 😡😡😡 I'm sorry but she's so like self absorbed. I know that Kristina getting cancer affects her too but like, queen you're not the one with cancer?!? also what was the whole thing about her like dying because she had to miss school and this would make it so she can't get into the honor society? the honor society accepts literally every single person in the world. She also was a freshman and honor society doesn't accept people until junior year (I think) so like what was that entire storyline. OMG and then when Nick won the art competition instead of her she was mad? bitch just say you can't draw.

Kristina ✨💎💄🌟 honestly she's such a slay. who cares that she got cancer and now only has one leg? she's a baddie. she pulls like crazy, was great at volleyball (pre cancer), I'm sorry but how is she not meant to be my favorite. Although, I genuinely don't understand why someone with only one leg would choose the wheelchair life instead of the prosthetic life, like why? Surely the constant sitting on the wheelchair would hurt.

Nick ⛓️👮 someone needs to lock him up. he is 18 and a senior, why on page 285 did Nick say to Tess "in three years you'll be legal" WHAT SHE IS 15. he was genuinely so out of pocket and I think the first time I read this I was obsessed with him but that is wild. when him and Tess were sitting outside of there house and they kissed?!??!?!?!?!? Nick needs to leave. when Kristina told Tess she would kill nick if he touched her, where tf was she? someone needs to save Tess the mess. man whore activity

Clark 🦸 cutest guy ever. also his full name is Clark Kent, geeking. I sadly didn't love him the first time I read this bc I was into the older guy, younger girl thing (still kinda am) but Clark has redeemed himself this time around. He's just such a cutie waiting at Tess's locker, I love men (that aren't nick (except sometimes I do)).

Melissa 🤓 Genuinely out of pocket. why tf did she hate Kristina so much. like I know queen was jealous but when she was like, I hope Kristina loses her leg AND THEN KRISTINA LOST HER LEG, I was gagged and so was Melissa. She also is just so emo, and not even like a smart emo. Introverts that are smart I can tolerate, bc at least you have some positive, but introverted losers are really sad to read about.

Tess and Kristina's mom ⌛ queen must have an hourglass body bc why was she so picky about food. When she got drunk and was like, "I wish it was you who lost your leg" to Tess, jaw dropped. Also she is like the worst parent ever if you couldn't tell, and so is the father, the way they were just like "um, Tess can handle Kristina's cancer and we'll pretend she doesn't have it" just so annoying.

Jeremy ❤️😇 WHY DID HE DIE. omg I was distraught and had to stop reading bc I was about to start crying and I couldn't risk that in 9am Spanish, that would be too much for mrs Jodie Parys. He was so nice and the book did fail in the fact that they could've expanded so much more on his death and made it so much more traumatic. also that's just so sad for his mom, she had breast cancer, her husband died years ago, and now her son died in a car crash. I was also shipping him so hard with Kristina and even though I have read this book before, I forgot he died at the end, the second the book was like "wait why isn't Jeremy isn't here yet" I remembered and was shocked I could forget something like that.

[Syd Bennett · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so awesome! It makes me realize things that I have never thought about before. I like the way it ended and I think it would've been cool to make another one because I think they should make it about later in her life. I really enjoyed this book. It kept my intrest the whole time I was reading. I definetely recommend.

[Victoria · Rating 4 out of 5]

this is great quick read for anyone who is in a book slump (aka me). The main character, Tess, becomes her own person when her sister Kristina gets cancer. This book displayed life from a different perspective and I definitely recommend!

[samantha odom · Rating 5 out of 5]

this books really very good for coming of age very fun very fresh i’ve read it numerous times

[Andi (Andi's ABCs) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay, I'm going to admit to the thing you should never admit to. I waited to read this book because of the cover. I know right? I did the cliche thing and judged a book by its cover. Well shame on me because I'm Not Her was a story that should be read immediately and should be read often. The cover says nothing about the amazingness in the pages and the heartbreaking story of a family having to deal with something no family should have to be put through. This book made me smile and cry and smile again.

I’m Not Her is about Tess, an invisible freshman to her uber popular big sister Kristina. Kristina is everything Tess isn’t. She’s popular, she’s the start of the volleyball team, she’s lusted after by boys. She is the all around package. Tess on the other hand is an artist, has one friend, and wants to be in the National Honor Society. Kristina seems to have it all and then the unthinkable happens; she is diagnosed with cancer and Tess’s world does a complete 180. All of a sudden she is no longer invisible. The popular kids want to be around her. She is invited to parties. She has “friends”. And while things look to looking up at school, everything Tess knows is falling apart. Her family is hanging on by a thread, her sister is deteriorating right in front of her eyes and all of Tess’s dreams are vanishing with every trip to the hospital. All Tess wants is for her sister to get well and things to go back to normal. She wants people to realize she isn’t her sister and has her own dreams.

Can I just tell you Tess really got to me! She was by far the strongest person in this book. She was the only one that was holding her family together. I mean I can’t imagine what a parent would feel if they found out their seemingly perfectly healthy daughter had cancer, but Tess and Kristina’s parents just completely checked out. They didn’t check out on Kristina per say. They took her to her appointments and were by her side, but they weren’t really there. They ignored Tess except when they needed her and never listened to anything Tess, Kristina or even the doctors were saying. Tess was the only one that was emotionally supportive to her sister and it wasn’t in a way that was in your face. Actually it seemed to Tess that she couldn’t do anything right where Kristina was concerned, but I got the complete opposite out of it because Tess was the one that Kristina trusted. She was the one that she leaned on and unleashed her anger. She relied on her sister and Tess was there every step of the way, her dream be damned.

This book was really a powerful and moving story about family relationships and what happens when the unthinkable is brought in. It’s a story of loss and strength and survival. It isn’t a story about cancer, but a story about dealing with cancer and how it effects the lives of the people that don’t have it. It is a book that I’m glad I read and won’t soon forget.

[Adriana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVE THIS BOOK WHEN HER SISTER GOT CAMCER IT BROKE MY HEART GUESS WHAT I CRIED I NEVER CRY. AND THEN WHEN HER SISTER WAS CRAZY GOING TO DEVON I CRIED. I CRIED WHEN JEREMY DIED AND I CRIES WHEN HER LEG WAS CHOPPED OFF AND I CRIED WHEN HER MOM GOT DRUNK OH AND ALSO WHEN HER DADS "WORKMATE" ANSWERED THE PHONE. IN CONCLUSION I CRIED A LOT BUT IT WAS SO FRIKIN GOOD AND RECOMMEND IT TO ANY AND EVERY ONE

[Missy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tess and Kristina couldn't be more different if they tried. Gorgeous and athletic, Kristina is the envy of all the girls and object of all boys' affection in high school. Tess is a budding artist, a quiet freshman and a self-professed geek. She's ok with it. She's like her father, while Kristina is like her mother. When Kristina discovers her knee injury is actually cancer though, her pretenses begin to slip and suddenly, her popularity shifts. While before she was beloved, now she's beloved and pitied, and Tess is the key to all things Kristina. But Tess never wanted the limelight, and she certainly didn't want it at Kristina's expense...especially when she might lose her sister forever.

I'm Not Her is, by no means, a light read. Tackling difficult material like cancer, the bonds of sisterhood and family and testing the waters of coming-of-age, it's written to push the envelope past normal into something more meaningful. Author Janet Gurtler provides the reader with the story of two sisters living polar opposite lives, simply orbiting around one another until an occurrence forces their worlds to collide. I'm Not Her is a story of finding oneself, the importance of family and the depth of character in the midst of turmoil and despair, written from the unadulterated viewpoint of a wallflower.

While, in theory, I should have loved I'm Not Her, I have to say I'm rather on the fence about rating it. Here's the thing. The author has a great writing voice that's accessible, easy to follow and perfectly describes two very different characters. That said, however, I don't think I ever really got to know Kristina past the surface, so I had a hard time truly feeling sorry for her, and Tess, too, was a bit surface-only. Furthermore, I love when books jump into the action from the get-go, but I felt I'm Not Her was a bit forced. Jumping straight from an overplayed high school drinking party (which, by the way, I never experienced...was I a super nerd?) to the drama of cancer was a bit much for me, and how the family handled it immediately felt foreign, as well. I guess, while I'm Not Her was meant to be emotional, it felt more jarring to me.

Now, I'm not saying I'm Not Her is a bad book by any means, but it is an example of what I don't really love about contemporary fiction. The author, however, has a great writing voice, and I would love to read more of her work in the future. I give this book a 2.5 out of 5, and I'd recommend it to fans of YA who especially enjoy contemporary fiction.

I received this book free of charge from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. This, in no way, affected my opinion or review of this book.

[Jenn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm Not Her is an emotional read. Seriously, my emotions were all over when I was reading this -- angry, sad, bitter, chuckling, and even at times "crushing" on the bad boy. But, everything, is flavored by the impending events that is mentioned in the first pages.

It is not a easy, fun read but it is a raw and powerful one

Kristina is sick. Perfect, beautiful, popular and sporty Kristina has bone cancer. And suddenly Kristina's seemingly happy life goes from fabulous to wretched. She does not want her friends to know she is sick, especially the other girls on her volleyball team. She is no longer outgoing but extremely depressed.

Tess was never in the spotlight and she liked it that way. She just wanted her freshman year to be about focusing on her art and getting into the honor's society with her best friend. That all changes when her sister gets sick.

Suddenly everyone knows who she is and her name, even if she dosen't want them to or not. She is trying to deal with her sister's friends, older boys, juggling her life as a freshman, lying for her sister, keeping her family together, and entering her art in a contest.

Now, her life consist of being in the spotlight and sacrificing things for her sister. Because her sister cannot be that person anymore.

At times, I was extremely angry with the characters in this books. Like wanted to smack them angry -- however, it made me realize something: that I was angry because the character's were angry. My anger was based on how the MC, Tess, was seeing the world and feeling. And so I was feeling that way too -- and when a book can so openly portray those feelings across the pages, you know it is powerful.

Gurtler's writing is realistic and very honest.

She did not take the easy way out, but allowed her characters to get angry, get depressed, live in denial, and so forth. It represented a family effected by cancer and how it changes the whole family unit. Cancer often effects the whole community (especially if the person is more well known), and the family often puts on a brave face for those looking in. The community does not always see the real problems and fears the family is facing. Gurtler exposes the real stresses and battles of a 'supportive family' and how each person deals with the cancer.

I'm Not Her is a heavy-issued read. It shows a family faltering and learning to rise again -- not matter how long it takes. Well written, emotional, and heart-felt, pick this book up if you're looking for those things...you wont regret it.

[Molly Wasserberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m Not Her is a devastating, yet practical story about a family dealing with cancer. The story starts out like any other, but takes a turn when Kristina, a popular, athletic, and stunning girl, is diagnosed with cancer. Her mother, father, and sister Tess go through obstacles while learning to cope with Kristina’s illness. This story, told by Tess’ point of view, gives an understanding of how cancer can affect peoples lives. It not only affects you mentally, but also emotionally. We see the growth of some characters, but also the destruction of others. I’m Not Her will keep you interested and make you consider what each character is going through.
I really enjoyed reading this novel because cancer is something that millions of people go through, however, each story is very different. This book was extremely relatable because Tess, the narrator of the book, is a high school student dealing with everyday high school problems. Until, her “perfect” sister gets diagnosed with cancer. Tess is a quiet, independent, and intelligent girl who, throughout the story, learns how to become a good sister, while practically holding her family together. Even when her parents belittled her to no end she still felt the need to “fight for Kristina if she had to” (Gurtler 194). I loved how this story showed how each character was coping with Kristina’s illness. By the end of the story , it is clear that each character becomes stronger and more aware of how important their love is to keep the family together.
On the other hand, I wish there was more dialogue from Kristina. I would’ve liked to know how she was feeling and hear what she was going through from her point of view. I only saw how Kristina was feeling by Tess’ descriptions. Although this novel lacked Kristina’s point of view, it did not affect my feelings towards the book in the long run. I really enjoyed this book.
My favorite part was when Tess realized that Nick Evonic’s painting was of her. The way she describes the painting’s “complexity and strands of emotion not only shows how mesmerized she is by it, but also show that she truly understands her art (Gurtler 252).
I strongly recommend this novel for those looking for a powerful, yet relatable story. Watching Tess become more independent and humble was very heart warming. She was the glue that held her family together. I’m Not Her, a journey through love and tragedy, will surely be hard to put down.

[Fred · Rating 4 out of 5]

Remember that old saying "Whatever does not kill me, makes me stronger?" Well, apparently sometimes not so much. Sometimes it reveals and ruptures all the stress cracks (in a person, in a family) that weren't so apparent in the absence of pressure. Sometimes it leaves you broken and crying, or angry, bitter and bereft. (There's lots of synopsis reviews of this if you want to figure out what it's about, so I'm not going to repeat all that, but rather just react a bit.) This sad and troubling book was poignant at times, but in many ways my main emotion was frustration - for God's sake, Tess, say something, anything! (She does finally find her voice, but it's a struggle for her and the reader). And those parents! There is a hallowed pantheon of sucky YA parents, but these two have totally earned a prestigious pedestal of poopiness. Especially the dad (he doesn't deserve a capital "d"), which always makes me feel extra bad, like somehow I'm responsible for fixing that or straightening him out (hey, we all bring our own issues to the table, I know, sorry!) This feels like real life - messy, flawed, incomplete and aching with regrets for what's been left unsaid, and that is both its blessing and its curse. I might have preferred a little less unremitting tragedy, and a bit more of the old "we've learned, grown together and have some hope." That's a bit thin on the ground here. But MC Tess is a relatable, flawed and wryly observant teenager, coping as best she can (and as her parents demonstrate, one could do worse) with the lousy hand she and her foible-icious family have been dealt. Her struggles and growth are worth experiencing, and beautifully, if bleakly, conveyed. This reminds me of Story of a Girl, by Sara Zarr, which it references (and with which I had similar issues and enthusiasms), and also of Nothing Like You, by Lauren Strasnick. As was the case with both of those, I wished here for more closure, more catharsis, more sense of redemption and release than is emotionally available in real life. Still, an emotionally powerful read, by an author who is definitely a great contemp YA voice.

[S.A. Larsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Firstly, I LOVE the cover! Some might think it's simple, but it fits. There's something about the image of broken petals on the grass that speaks to me. The color palette is also very inviting.

I'M NOT HER gives the reader a real glimpse into the realities of cancer. The story is sincere and delicate at times, but deals with the harshness and fear a serious disease or illness can reek on a family. And utilizing the point of view from the youngest in this family was a thing of beauty.

Gurtler opens with a scene far away from any sickness. Well, that's as long as you don't categorize the ails of sibling differences as an infection. Tess is the younger of the sibling pair portrayed in this story. To her, her older sister, Kristina, is a beauty queen with the popularity, pose, and even athletic ability to match. Catching a ball let alone following in her footsteps is not even in Tess' realm of possibilities.

But when cancer hits her untouchable older sister, Tess finds more inside herself than she thought was there. She is strong, like an athlete, and can carry on conversations with the so-called populars. Slowly, she finds her own identity.

It's a story about exploring what's inside each of us; for teens, that is paramount, but also very difficult at times. Conflicts and different views between family characters heightens the tension and moves the plot along nicely. The pace was very good, and frankly, I was surprised at how quickly Gurtler introduced the issue of cancer. That was a great choice, though.

I'm more of a paranormal junkie, but Gurtler has converted me into a contemporary reader. (I've just finished her second book, which I'll share with you shortly.) Any teen or adult who's dealt with illness of any kind will appreciate this book. Any teen or adult, who's had to grow up in a not-so-perfect world with a seemingly perfect sibling, relative, or friend shadowing their light, will enjoy this read.

[Sophie Woods · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is easily the best book I have ever read. Not only did this book give me chills, it warmed my heart in many ways. I relate to this book greatly. My Uncle passed away from stage IV colon cancer two years ago, and this book shows me how much he was hurting on the inside too. Thinking back about the memories we had together made me cry even more, but in the same way it helped me cope. This book creates ways for people to relate and also enjoy the life that they have.

Tess Smith is the average freshman at an average high school, and her sister Kristina is a popular senior, but when Kristina gets bone cancer in her knee, everything changes. Piers of Kristina start to look higher to Tess because Kristina, the 'Queen Bee' isn't around. Tess, a smart, collected, freshman, goes through so much hurt, but still has a passion for drawing and art. Forgetting her old desires and dreams, she pays as much attention as she can toward Kristina. Tess stays herself throughout the entire book, but when Kristina finds a friend at the hospital with similar situations, she becomes attached. While heading to Kristina's house, Jeramy, Kristina's new friend, gets into a terrible car accident and passes away. Just after getting her leg amputated, Kristina struggles with depression and social anxiety.

I rate this book a 5 out of 5 stars. "I'm Not Her" is a very uplifting and sad book. By the middle of the book, I was already balling. I would recommend this book to ages 13-16, girls. Over all, this book showed the many ways tragedy can misshape your life.