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144 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 16, 2006

Mr. Landa greeted her with an already weary smile. "Welcome back, Mary."
Mary put her fist on her hip. “Who gets called to the guidance office on the first day of freaking school?”
She clenched her fists to keep herself in check. It wouldn’t do to get emotional. He would only make a note in her file. “It did happen. Just like everything else I’ve ever told you.”--Except for the cavorting with demons, the abduction by little green men, and the Elvis sighting. Mary told Mr. Landa outrageous things because he insisted she tell him something. She’d tried to tell him the truth at first, but like now, he always refused to believe her. She wished she hadn’t tried to tell him something truthful now.
“I knew it! You won’t let me Nair bomb Vicky, you won’t show me how to make voodoo dolls, and you always remember to do your chores! You’re not really an outcast, loner, anti-establishment teenager at all. You’re really a secret agent, sent by my father to instill a good influence on me, aren’t you? Aren’t you?!”
“I had the misfortune of chatting with Miss Nelson and her friends during lunch. I could feel my IQ dropping from osmosis.”
He grinned. “Yeah, I do. May I hang out with you? Is there a formal application process? I have excellent references.”