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Marry Me
A deftly satirical portrait of life and love in a suburban town as only Updike can paint it.
Updike's eighth novel, subtitled "A Romance" because, he says, "People don't act like that any more," centers on the love affair of a married couple in the Connecticut of 1962. Unfortunately, this is a couple whose members are married to other people. Suburban infidelity is familiar territory by now, but nobody knows it as well as Updike, and the book is written with the author's characteristic poetic sensibility and sly wit.
Updike's eighth novel, subtitled "A Romance" because, he says, "People don't act like that any more," centers on the love affair of a married couple in the Connecticut of 1962. Unfortunately, this is a couple whose members are married to other people. Suburban infidelity is familiar territory by now, but nobody knows it as well as Updike, and the book is written with the author's characteristic poetic sensibility and sly wit.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published October 12, 1976
84 people are currently reading
1227 people want to read
About the author
John Updike
862 books2,427 followersJohn Hoyer Updike was an American writer. Updike's most famous work is his Rabbit series (Rabbit, Run; Rabbit Redux; Rabbit Is Rich; Rabbit At Rest; and Rabbit Remembered). Rabbit is Rich and Rabbit at Rest both won Pulitzer Prizes for Updike. Describing his subject as "the American small town, Protestant middle class," Updike is well known for his careful craftsmanship and prolific writing, having published 22 novels and more than a dozen short story collections as well as poetry, literary criticism and children's books. Hundreds of his stories, reviews, and poems have appeared in The New Yorker since the 1950s. His works often explore sex, faith, and death, and their inter-relationships.
He died of lung cancer at age 76.
He died of lung cancer at age 76.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 175 reviews
September 27, 2021
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage. . .
Then what, John? What comes next?
Oh, John will tell you. He'll tell you who comes next. I mean. . . what.
Wow. Enter my next book hangover.
I am disoriented, disengaged from my reality, upon finishing this novel. I feel like Alice in Wonderland, like I've been handed a biscuit that altered me, brought me down to size, down to the surface of the paint palette that is this read.
Finishing this work makes me want to suck my fingers, stare at the walls, grieve at what we've lost as a society, grieve at what has been lost in too much of current writing.
For the record: I didn't want to read about a faltering marriage right now. Not one bit. But I could not omit Mr. Updike from my 1970s reading project, so I included this novel, despite wanting to pass on the subject.
Having read it now, I'd like to cry in despair that this brilliant work of fiction has so little presence here on Goodreads. It's become a ghost, lost to the 1970s. Can young adults even relate to it anymore? Would my own son, in his early 20s, be able to appreciate this work?
This journey back to the mid-1970s reminds me that we've become so tied up in our new manners, so committed to being publicly polite, that I feel like we've actually become more rude, from keeping our lips clamped shut, even as events become positively ludicrous around us. I worry that we've forgotten what it is to be free, to be messy, to be flirty, to be edgy.
Well, folks. . . here is the freedom. Here is the flirt. Here is the mess. Here is the edge.
Mr. Updike packed me up tightly into his own little spaceship (oh, John), and took me back to 1976, to the wealthy, white Connecticut residents who take daily walks on the beach and lament the cruelest trick of all: monogamy.
Sound boring? Well, it isn't exactly action-packed, and there's no violence or mystery. No zombies, either.
But it's. . . well. . . you know. . . it's just some of the best writing I've ever read in my life.
Mr. Updike has reminded me (yet again) that language does not need to lie flat on a page. Words are not inert! They can crackle, sparkle, sizzle. Characters can speak right in your ear. Seriously, I could hear Richard when he spoke. Did you know that you can hear characters when they're written this well? Did you know that characters and commotion can scurry up from the pages, fly so close to your face, you flinch?
If you ever had the opinion that Mr. Updike was flippant about marriage or his responsibilities as a father, this book will have you thinking again. This is a bold examination of marriage and family life, and he was unflinching in his approach.
Writers like John Updike didn't give a shit if their work made you uncomfortable. . . and guess what?
They're not supposed to.
(This one's for you, Robin).
Then what, John? What comes next?
Oh, John will tell you. He'll tell you who comes next. I mean. . . what.
Wow. Enter my next book hangover.
I am disoriented, disengaged from my reality, upon finishing this novel. I feel like Alice in Wonderland, like I've been handed a biscuit that altered me, brought me down to size, down to the surface of the paint palette that is this read.
Finishing this work makes me want to suck my fingers, stare at the walls, grieve at what we've lost as a society, grieve at what has been lost in too much of current writing.
For the record: I didn't want to read about a faltering marriage right now. Not one bit. But I could not omit Mr. Updike from my 1970s reading project, so I included this novel, despite wanting to pass on the subject.
Having read it now, I'd like to cry in despair that this brilliant work of fiction has so little presence here on Goodreads. It's become a ghost, lost to the 1970s. Can young adults even relate to it anymore? Would my own son, in his early 20s, be able to appreciate this work?
This journey back to the mid-1970s reminds me that we've become so tied up in our new manners, so committed to being publicly polite, that I feel like we've actually become more rude, from keeping our lips clamped shut, even as events become positively ludicrous around us. I worry that we've forgotten what it is to be free, to be messy, to be flirty, to be edgy.
Well, folks. . . here is the freedom. Here is the flirt. Here is the mess. Here is the edge.
Mr. Updike packed me up tightly into his own little spaceship (oh, John), and took me back to 1976, to the wealthy, white Connecticut residents who take daily walks on the beach and lament the cruelest trick of all: monogamy.
Sound boring? Well, it isn't exactly action-packed, and there's no violence or mystery. No zombies, either.
But it's. . . well. . . you know. . . it's just some of the best writing I've ever read in my life.
Mr. Updike has reminded me (yet again) that language does not need to lie flat on a page. Words are not inert! They can crackle, sparkle, sizzle. Characters can speak right in your ear. Seriously, I could hear Richard when he spoke. Did you know that you can hear characters when they're written this well? Did you know that characters and commotion can scurry up from the pages, fly so close to your face, you flinch?
If you ever had the opinion that Mr. Updike was flippant about marriage or his responsibilities as a father, this book will have you thinking again. This is a bold examination of marriage and family life, and he was unflinching in his approach.
Writers like John Updike didn't give a shit if their work made you uncomfortable. . . and guess what?
They're not supposed to.
(This one's for you, Robin).
April 29, 2019
Oh, the romance of that moment, as his heart is fluttering wildly and the dream of a life is playing out before his eyes so vividly he can see the children they will make together, and the woman in front of him is so ideal and desirable he wishes to link himself to her forever. Oh, that romantic moment when nothing is yet spoiled, the moment just before he says with all the hope and loving intentions in the world: "Marry me."
If only we could bottle that moment, what a life we could have!
John Updike called this book Marry Me: A Romance with his tongue firmly planted in his cheek. This book is NOT romantic, for the most part, thank the lord. There are other writers you go to for romance. You read Updike to be dazzled and then depressed, but you are so dazzled you forgive him the depression. Because c'mon, anyone who's read him knows he doesn't see marriage in a romantic way.
This is possibly the most readable of his books that I've read so far. There's no dithering around here with long episodes of exposition or description which made Couples so bloated and plodding. This is a simply plotted book that focuses on the love story between Jerry and Sally - who are married to other people (Ruth and Richard). Eventually, when their clandestine relationship becomes known, Jerry is told he has to choose between the two women.
This doesn't prove to be an easy decision for Jerry, who has three children with Ruth. Ruth doesn't help him either, by furiously kicking him out. No, instead, she is remarkably calm and understanding, forcing the decision to be entirely his. The conversations that take place! You want to kill scumbag Jerry for the things that come out of his mouth. You want to throttle all four of them at different times. Jerry's indecision rivals Hamlet's; his selfishness is reminiscent of Rabbit Angstrom's or probably any of Updike's leading men. The four people writhe under his hesitation.
"Men don't like to make decisions, they want God or women to make them."
You won't know until the very end what he decides to do. Meanwhile, you get to read some of the best and most maddening dialogue ever written. Your life will be put on hold because you just have to know what happens, and you can't bear to be dragged from the words. Those cynical, critical, carnal, humorous, vastly intelligent words. And you won't be disappointed. The ending is beautiful because it is so perfect. A hatchet to the heart, this 1976 darling is as romantic as John Updike is going to get.
(Final thought: I am perplexed at the low rating of this book, and believe that the people who didn't like it failed to read it as a satire. I think that is key in this reading.)
If only we could bottle that moment, what a life we could have!
John Updike called this book Marry Me: A Romance with his tongue firmly planted in his cheek. This book is NOT romantic, for the most part, thank the lord. There are other writers you go to for romance. You read Updike to be dazzled and then depressed, but you are so dazzled you forgive him the depression. Because c'mon, anyone who's read him knows he doesn't see marriage in a romantic way.
This is possibly the most readable of his books that I've read so far. There's no dithering around here with long episodes of exposition or description which made Couples so bloated and plodding. This is a simply plotted book that focuses on the love story between Jerry and Sally - who are married to other people (Ruth and Richard). Eventually, when their clandestine relationship becomes known, Jerry is told he has to choose between the two women.
This doesn't prove to be an easy decision for Jerry, who has three children with Ruth. Ruth doesn't help him either, by furiously kicking him out. No, instead, she is remarkably calm and understanding, forcing the decision to be entirely his. The conversations that take place! You want to kill scumbag Jerry for the things that come out of his mouth. You want to throttle all four of them at different times. Jerry's indecision rivals Hamlet's; his selfishness is reminiscent of Rabbit Angstrom's or probably any of Updike's leading men. The four people writhe under his hesitation.
"Men don't like to make decisions, they want God or women to make them."
You won't know until the very end what he decides to do. Meanwhile, you get to read some of the best and most maddening dialogue ever written. Your life will be put on hold because you just have to know what happens, and you can't bear to be dragged from the words. Those cynical, critical, carnal, humorous, vastly intelligent words. And you won't be disappointed. The ending is beautiful because it is so perfect. A hatchet to the heart, this 1976 darling is as romantic as John Updike is going to get.
(Final thought: I am perplexed at the low rating of this book, and believe that the people who didn't like it failed to read it as a satire. I think that is key in this reading.)
October 11, 2024
Set sometime in the 1960s this story is about two couples - Sally & Richard and, Jerry & Ruth. There are affairs, much conflict and insoluble problems. This satire, was okay to start with, but it wore on me after a while. It really did. My least favourite of my Updike reads.
Jerry and Sally have sex.
Jerry says he loves Sally.
Ruth and Richard have sex.
Sally plays both sides (Richard and Jerry)
Richard calls Sally names.
Jerry acts appallingly to Ruth.
Jerry can't decide who to be with.
Richard threatens Jerry.
Ruth puts up with heaps of crap from Jerry.
Rinse and repeat.
But what made this for me was The A Team - a wonderful buddy read with Lisa, Jennifer, Davey, Canders, Diane, Ebba, Laysee and Jeannie. The conversations are still going - and it's wonderful!!
As expected, Updike and this book, proved to be a polarising experience.
3 Stars
Jerry and Sally have sex.
Jerry says he loves Sally.
Ruth and Richard have sex.
Sally plays both sides (Richard and Jerry)
Richard calls Sally names.
Jerry acts appallingly to Ruth.
Jerry can't decide who to be with.
Richard threatens Jerry.
Ruth puts up with heaps of crap from Jerry.
Rinse and repeat.
But what made this for me was The A Team - a wonderful buddy read with Lisa, Jennifer, Davey, Canders, Diane, Ebba, Laysee and Jeannie. The conversations are still going - and it's wonderful!!
As expected, Updike and this book, proved to be a polarising experience.
3 Stars
October 15, 2024
“In a way, it does seem reckless to rush from one monogamy into another.”
There’s not a damn thing redeeming about any of the characters in this novel. Unless it’s one of the little kids. But they’re presented as more of a nuisance, so the reader doesn’t get to really know them very well. On a sentence and structure level, Updike always nails it. His writing is exquisite.
“He sat in her bright kitchen, the glitter of its knives and counter edges and pâté molds at intervals dulled as clouds swallowed the sun… they found it difficult to talk of themselves. Their love, their affair, had become a great awkward shape, jagged, fallen between them.”
Just to be clear, I do not demand that a book contains at least one likeable character for me to enjoy it. Quite the opposite has happened to me many times in the past. I often relish an obnoxious, selfish, amoral, or vile creature should I come upon him or her between the pages. Take, for example, one of Updike’s own creations: that despicable bastard, Harry Angstrom, the love-him-and-hate-him “Rabbit”. In Marry Me, however, I couldn’t feel much passion for any of the four primary characters – I couldn’t even despise them enough to make me feel invested in their story. They wore me out. I couldn’t understand where they were coming from. I know Updike, amongst all that crafty writing, tried to show us his intentions, but I just didn’t get it. I was numb. I was a bystander watching a circus act that failed to entertain. A lesson that failed to teach. Despite the fact some of what is said makes a wee bit of sense.
“Sometimes I think my charm for her is that I’m not in the bag. Maybe she only likes things she can’t have. Maybe we’re all like that.”
In any case, this book could be polarizing – as I found from my fellow buddy readers who were kind enough to allow me along for the ride despite the fact I didn’t hang on very tight! As for me, I have enough nonsense going on in real life at the moment. This just didn’t go down as smoothly as it might for the next reader. I’m going to read the next Rabbit book in that series. I think that weaselly so-and-so has a little something left to teach me!
“… you were responsible for things you didn’t mean to do as well as things you did.”
There’s not a damn thing redeeming about any of the characters in this novel. Unless it’s one of the little kids. But they’re presented as more of a nuisance, so the reader doesn’t get to really know them very well. On a sentence and structure level, Updike always nails it. His writing is exquisite.
“He sat in her bright kitchen, the glitter of its knives and counter edges and pâté molds at intervals dulled as clouds swallowed the sun… they found it difficult to talk of themselves. Their love, their affair, had become a great awkward shape, jagged, fallen between them.”
Just to be clear, I do not demand that a book contains at least one likeable character for me to enjoy it. Quite the opposite has happened to me many times in the past. I often relish an obnoxious, selfish, amoral, or vile creature should I come upon him or her between the pages. Take, for example, one of Updike’s own creations: that despicable bastard, Harry Angstrom, the love-him-and-hate-him “Rabbit”. In Marry Me, however, I couldn’t feel much passion for any of the four primary characters – I couldn’t even despise them enough to make me feel invested in their story. They wore me out. I couldn’t understand where they were coming from. I know Updike, amongst all that crafty writing, tried to show us his intentions, but I just didn’t get it. I was numb. I was a bystander watching a circus act that failed to entertain. A lesson that failed to teach. Despite the fact some of what is said makes a wee bit of sense.
“Sometimes I think my charm for her is that I’m not in the bag. Maybe she only likes things she can’t have. Maybe we’re all like that.”
In any case, this book could be polarizing – as I found from my fellow buddy readers who were kind enough to allow me along for the ride despite the fact I didn’t hang on very tight! As for me, I have enough nonsense going on in real life at the moment. This just didn’t go down as smoothly as it might for the next reader. I’m going to read the next Rabbit book in that series. I think that weaselly so-and-so has a little something left to teach me!
“… you were responsible for things you didn’t mean to do as well as things you did.”
June 2, 2025
If authors create self-portraits, then this is a searing one of Updike inside his own marriage. Much in the way that Eugene O’Neill wrote the lighter “Ah, Wilderness!” to counterbalance the somber take on his family in “Long Day’s Journey into Night,” “Marry Me” feels like the inverse of Updike’s Maples Stories.
Here, Updike uses the cheerful and trivial to criticize his marriage behavior, whereas “The Maples Stories” are told with a tragic sobriety. The prose and structures in both are exquisite and easily absorbed, but so polar opposite in tone that I imagine there are fans of this that won’t take to the slow sensitivity of “The Maples Stories,” and vise versa. And then there are readers like me, who love both.
This is also a portrait of a marriage in the context of a particular cultural time. It summed up the angst of the late 60s-early 70s, when married couples were caught between traditional mid-century values and the undulating sexual revolution.
“Maybe our trouble is that we live in the twilight of the old morality, and there’s just enough to torment us, and not enough to hold us in.”
There’s an existential malaise explored within these suburban lives, so meaningless that any drama is relief, regardless of outcome. This was one couple’s way of dealing with that. I felt like I was asked to laugh at these people rather than tolerate them, and that was a relief.
I loved the anxiety of watching the reckless here, and was compelled by the question, does Jerry (the main Updike-like character) have what it takes. But ultimately—and hilariously—this is about a man so ineffectual that he even blows up blowing up his marriage. He’s even a failure at that.
To write this story, Updike must have been a bit of a misanthrope. Perhaps his readers have to be, too.
I read this with a lively group who mostly disliked the book, and that made for interesting discussion. Here are their reviews:
Mark Porton:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Lisa:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Candi:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Diane Barnes: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Ebba Simone:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Laysee:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Dave Marsland:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Jeannie:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Here, Updike uses the cheerful and trivial to criticize his marriage behavior, whereas “The Maples Stories” are told with a tragic sobriety. The prose and structures in both are exquisite and easily absorbed, but so polar opposite in tone that I imagine there are fans of this that won’t take to the slow sensitivity of “The Maples Stories,” and vise versa. And then there are readers like me, who love both.
This is also a portrait of a marriage in the context of a particular cultural time. It summed up the angst of the late 60s-early 70s, when married couples were caught between traditional mid-century values and the undulating sexual revolution.
“Maybe our trouble is that we live in the twilight of the old morality, and there’s just enough to torment us, and not enough to hold us in.”
There’s an existential malaise explored within these suburban lives, so meaningless that any drama is relief, regardless of outcome. This was one couple’s way of dealing with that. I felt like I was asked to laugh at these people rather than tolerate them, and that was a relief.
I loved the anxiety of watching the reckless here, and was compelled by the question, does Jerry (the main Updike-like character) have what it takes. But ultimately—and hilariously—this is about a man so ineffectual that he even blows up blowing up his marriage. He’s even a failure at that.
To write this story, Updike must have been a bit of a misanthrope. Perhaps his readers have to be, too.
I read this with a lively group who mostly disliked the book, and that made for interesting discussion. Here are their reviews:
Mark Porton:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Lisa:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Candi:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Diane Barnes: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Ebba Simone:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Laysee:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Dave Marsland:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Jeannie:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
July 22, 2022
Over the course of a summer, hearts are broken, eyes are opened and ties are forged anew, as two neighboring couples see their lives turned upside down – and inside out – because of a love affair.
Once again, in Marry Me, John Updike nails what I find he does best: exploring couple dynamics.
I should likely mention that none of the participants in the mess he describes this time felt even remotely connected to my views. Neither husbands nor wives saw me identify with their reactions or moral stances. More than once, I stood in disbelief at what they would say, good or bad, to each other. Never mind what they would do.
But their exchanges never felt fake for it. Only foreign. I drew particular pleasure from watching both families maintain an outward sense of respectability even as, behind closed doors, both were shaken to their core.
An apt comparison in terms of atmosphere might be these old Woody Allen movies that came out around the same time the book first got published; think Annie Hall, or Interiors. There’s definitely a shared sense of aesthetics regarding mood and morals, here. If these movies do it for you, Marry Me likely will, too.
The book made slightly less of an impact on me than The Maples Stories had, just a couple of years ago. Yet the crisp writing, the impeccable characterization, the fascinating references to the times: it’s all there. And it’s gold.
Once again, in Marry Me, John Updike nails what I find he does best: exploring couple dynamics.
I should likely mention that none of the participants in the mess he describes this time felt even remotely connected to my views. Neither husbands nor wives saw me identify with their reactions or moral stances. More than once, I stood in disbelief at what they would say, good or bad, to each other. Never mind what they would do.
But their exchanges never felt fake for it. Only foreign. I drew particular pleasure from watching both families maintain an outward sense of respectability even as, behind closed doors, both were shaken to their core.
An apt comparison in terms of atmosphere might be these old Woody Allen movies that came out around the same time the book first got published; think Annie Hall, or Interiors. There’s definitely a shared sense of aesthetics regarding mood and morals, here. If these movies do it for you, Marry Me likely will, too.
The book made slightly less of an impact on me than The Maples Stories had, just a couple of years ago. Yet the crisp writing, the impeccable characterization, the fascinating references to the times: it’s all there. And it’s gold.
October 15, 2024
John Updike's novel Marry Me: A Romance was written on the cusp of change from the 1960's to the 1970's. The novel's center is put forth in this quote:
“Maybe our trouble is that we live in the twilight of the old morality, and there’s just enough to torment us, and not enough to hold us in.”
The dialogue as well as the prose are close to perfect. I appreciate the craft involved in the novel's structure, down to the alliteration. And I can see some of what Updike is exploring of his views of religion and morality, marriage and adultery--how the novel presents social changes. Updike has a way of portraying his characters, likeable or not, showcasing their strengths and weaknesses without judgment. Underlying the absurdity and the tragedy are some important questions, most essentially What does it mean to be alive?
Thanks to Mark for organizing the read and to all my buddy readers who made this endeavor fun and more meaningful.
Publication 1976
“Maybe our trouble is that we live in the twilight of the old morality, and there’s just enough to torment us, and not enough to hold us in.”
The dialogue as well as the prose are close to perfect. I appreciate the craft involved in the novel's structure, down to the alliteration. And I can see some of what Updike is exploring of his views of religion and morality, marriage and adultery--how the novel presents social changes. Updike has a way of portraying his characters, likeable or not, showcasing their strengths and weaknesses without judgment. Underlying the absurdity and the tragedy are some important questions, most essentially What does it mean to be alive?
Thanks to Mark for organizing the read and to all my buddy readers who made this endeavor fun and more meaningful.
Publication 1976
October 12, 2024
“What we have, sweet Sally, is an ideal love. It’s ideal because it can’t be realized.”
The proposal, ‘Marry me,’ is sweet but only in the right place and at the right time. Here, it is all wrong. As Barry Manilow used to croon, ‘We have the right love at the wrong time.’ Even this does not sound quite right for the pair of married couples in this twisted drama of love gone wrong.
Jerry and Sally (age about 30) seem very much in love and are having an affair. Their respective spouses (Ruth and Richard) are unaware of their betrayal although each must have sensed something is awry. When their infidelity comes to light, all hell breaks loose, and Jerry is compelled to decide what to do. Except that Jerry, a man who does not know his own mind, waits, and hopes that others or circumstance will make the decision for him.
Updike writes about marital breakup like one who knows. The struggles of the foursome are luridly and painfully described. We get to know each of the four characters intimately, more than we care to know, more than enough to get riled and disgusted at their bad behavior. Jerry is a weak and spineless man whose attraction to Sally is only sexual. Sally is a selfish, shallow, and materialistic woman who is greedy to get what pleases her. Richard is a wealthy and brutish man who is disrespectful to women and has his fair share of affairs. Ruth, the sanest of the lot, has had an affair too, is longsuffering and too conciliatory for her own good. Loathsome characters. Half the time, I wish I could reach into the pages and chortle all of them.
Affairs exert a heavy cost on all involved. Jerry has depression, which is caused by a religious guilt he could not swallow. Jerry dreamed of a love that was fruitful, 'being relaxed, and right, and … with a blessing.’ However, this is unattainable because for Jerry, the blessing ‘must come from above.’ He confessed to Sally, “I’ve figured out the bind I’m in. It’s between death and death. To live without you is death to me. On the other hand, to abandon my family is a sin; to do it I’d have to deny God, and by denying God I’d give up all claim on immortality.” As Shakespeare’s Hamlet would have said, Ay, there’s the rub!”
This story is set in 1962 when the ‘old morality’ holds all men (and women) accountable. Even so, should it be any different now? Updike also does not let us forget how the children in both families are affected. Some of his tenderest lines are reserved for the little ones caught haplessly in the mess their parents have made.
I read the last chapter ‘Wyoming’ a few times and think I get it. It is brilliantly crafted. An idealized love like Jerry’s finds a place only in the imagination. I developed a respect for Updike’s impeccable prose that is marked by poetic sensitivity. The sound and fury in the dialogue between fighting couples is deafening. My Goodreads friend, Robin, said it best. “You read Updike to be dazzled and then depressed, but you are so dazzled you forgive him the depression.”
Published in 1976, Marry Me: A Romance is a sordid tale of marital infidelity and an emotionally exhausting read. You can imagine how thankful I am to have shared this journey with my reading buddies: Mark, Diane, Lisa, Candi, Dave, Jennifer, Jeannie, and Ebba.
This is my first full length novel by John Updike. Impressive craftsmanship. Scintillating prose.
The proposal, ‘Marry me,’ is sweet but only in the right place and at the right time. Here, it is all wrong. As Barry Manilow used to croon, ‘We have the right love at the wrong time.’ Even this does not sound quite right for the pair of married couples in this twisted drama of love gone wrong.
Jerry and Sally (age about 30) seem very much in love and are having an affair. Their respective spouses (Ruth and Richard) are unaware of their betrayal although each must have sensed something is awry. When their infidelity comes to light, all hell breaks loose, and Jerry is compelled to decide what to do. Except that Jerry, a man who does not know his own mind, waits, and hopes that others or circumstance will make the decision for him.
Updike writes about marital breakup like one who knows. The struggles of the foursome are luridly and painfully described. We get to know each of the four characters intimately, more than we care to know, more than enough to get riled and disgusted at their bad behavior. Jerry is a weak and spineless man whose attraction to Sally is only sexual. Sally is a selfish, shallow, and materialistic woman who is greedy to get what pleases her. Richard is a wealthy and brutish man who is disrespectful to women and has his fair share of affairs. Ruth, the sanest of the lot, has had an affair too, is longsuffering and too conciliatory for her own good. Loathsome characters. Half the time, I wish I could reach into the pages and chortle all of them.
Affairs exert a heavy cost on all involved. Jerry has depression, which is caused by a religious guilt he could not swallow. Jerry dreamed of a love that was fruitful, 'being relaxed, and right, and … with a blessing.’ However, this is unattainable because for Jerry, the blessing ‘must come from above.’ He confessed to Sally, “I’ve figured out the bind I’m in. It’s between death and death. To live without you is death to me. On the other hand, to abandon my family is a sin; to do it I’d have to deny God, and by denying God I’d give up all claim on immortality.” As Shakespeare’s Hamlet would have said, Ay, there’s the rub!”
This story is set in 1962 when the ‘old morality’ holds all men (and women) accountable. Even so, should it be any different now? Updike also does not let us forget how the children in both families are affected. Some of his tenderest lines are reserved for the little ones caught haplessly in the mess their parents have made.
I read the last chapter ‘Wyoming’ a few times and think I get it. It is brilliantly crafted. An idealized love like Jerry’s finds a place only in the imagination. I developed a respect for Updike’s impeccable prose that is marked by poetic sensitivity. The sound and fury in the dialogue between fighting couples is deafening. My Goodreads friend, Robin, said it best. “You read Updike to be dazzled and then depressed, but you are so dazzled you forgive him the depression.”
Published in 1976, Marry Me: A Romance is a sordid tale of marital infidelity and an emotionally exhausting read. You can imagine how thankful I am to have shared this journey with my reading buddies: Mark, Diane, Lisa, Candi, Dave, Jennifer, Jeannie, and Ebba.
This is my first full length novel by John Updike. Impressive craftsmanship. Scintillating prose.
October 9, 2024
With apologies to all of you who love Updike and think him a genius, I can't go there. This novel was full of his trademark loser characters who are deplorable people. They do nothing but have affairs, ignore their children, and spout off narcissistic nonsense. I was hoping this might be different from the Rabbit novels I read so long ago, but it's just more of the same.
Updike leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth because he apparently believes that humans are a dismal bunch with little to redeem them. My only redemption is that I will never be tempted to give him another chance.
Updike leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth because he apparently believes that humans are a dismal bunch with little to redeem them. My only redemption is that I will never be tempted to give him another chance.
October 21, 2024
This was my very first Updike and the rating is: 3.5. Because the author made me appreciate and like Richard which is quite an achievement! And because of the quality of prose and his forte
for dialogues. Ruth I liked instantly - also the way she was handling certain things.
I have been having an emotional and conflicted response to this novel. Two nights in a row I would only sleep 2 - 3 hours because I was discussing things in my group. I do not like that Mr Updike is expecting the worst from people among other things. I do like that he keeps every reader engaged to his quality in writing and dialogue. I always wanted to continue and find out what was going to happen next.
I felt that this book was made to be read with a group. Wie man auf Deutsch sagt, das Buch bietet massiv viel Gesprächsstoff.
The following observation by the author is true and made me notice that Mr Updike knows a lot about the twisted dynamics of betrayal in a relationship:
"so by default [Ruth] would talk only to Jerry; her assassin was her only confidant."
for dialogues. Ruth I liked instantly - also the way she was handling certain things.
I have been having an emotional and conflicted response to this novel. Two nights in a row I would only sleep 2 - 3 hours because I was discussing things in my group. I do not like that Mr Updike is expecting the worst from people among other things. I do like that he keeps every reader engaged to his quality in writing and dialogue. I always wanted to continue and find out what was going to happen next.
I felt that this book was made to be read with a group. Wie man auf Deutsch sagt, das Buch bietet massiv viel Gesprächsstoff.
The following observation by the author is true and made me notice that Mr Updike knows a lot about the twisted dynamics of betrayal in a relationship:
"so by default [Ruth] would talk only to Jerry; her assassin was her only confidant."
January 16, 2019
I am in trouble, I am in big trouble. I can't do anything but read today. This is my second finished book for today and I fear of starting a new one, because I may accidentally finish it too. I need a prison bar over my bookshelves for a night.
I don't remember lately reading a book with such deep feelings showed. One word to describe the book - deep, this book was deep. It was so real. It seemed I was seating in a living room with these 4 people, and they were living their lives, talking, eating, thinking, being cheated - having me as a ghost in their houses, in their lives.
I love the way Updike created the people for this book. Two women - definitely the exact opposite of each other and two men letting these women decide how they should live.
"Men don't like to make decisions, they want God or women to make them."
The whole book is around this sentence. Well, they don't just say, decide instead of me, they just wait for the circumstances to decide how to act. And they want these circumstances to be created by their women.
I loved Ruth. Her way of making decisions, her perspectiveness of future life, her mature thinking, her way of building her family. The others were so weak - Jerry without a hint what to do, changing his mind every two minutes (I am sure he would change his mind again if the book had two-three more pages.); Sally without any idea what she wanted or if she knew what she wanted, was it what she needed?; and Richard too much into himself.
I have never read Updike before, but now I'm intrigued. The man creates a mood - the writing is so honest and straight, the story is so realistically true.
I don't remember lately reading a book with such deep feelings showed. One word to describe the book - deep, this book was deep. It was so real. It seemed I was seating in a living room with these 4 people, and they were living their lives, talking, eating, thinking, being cheated - having me as a ghost in their houses, in their lives.
I love the way Updike created the people for this book. Two women - definitely the exact opposite of each other and two men letting these women decide how they should live.
"Men don't like to make decisions, they want God or women to make them."
The whole book is around this sentence. Well, they don't just say, decide instead of me, they just wait for the circumstances to decide how to act. And they want these circumstances to be created by their women.
I loved Ruth. Her way of making decisions, her perspectiveness of future life, her mature thinking, her way of building her family. The others were so weak - Jerry without a hint what to do, changing his mind every two minutes (I am sure he would change his mind again if the book had two-three more pages.); Sally without any idea what she wanted or if she knew what she wanted, was it what she needed?; and Richard too much into himself.
I have never read Updike before, but now I'm intrigued. The man creates a mood - the writing is so honest and straight, the story is so realistically true.
August 4, 2022
Julie and Charles: you guys may have broken my bad book curse. I have infinite gratitude for selling me this weird and brilliant little thing!
The subtitle to “Marry Me” is “A Romance”, and clearly, Mr. Updike had his tongue planted firmly in his cheek when he chose that, because this is the most twisted version of a romance I can imagine.
Jerry, who is married to Ruth, is having an affair with Sally. They are in love, and are struggling with finding ways to be together without wrecking their lives. Eventually, Jerry confesses his infidelity to his wife, who, unbeknown to him, had a fling some time ago with Sally’s husband Richard. Ruth requests of Jerry that he put his affair on ice until the end of the summer, in order to make up his mind about what he wants to do. Will he leave her and their 3 children and marry Sally, or will he stay and try to save his marriage?
Idealized love and the fact that it’s 100% a delusion is not a new topic, of course. But in this little story of a marriage falling apart because of an affair is one of the rawest depiction of that annoying reality that I have ever read. The timelessness of the theme of desire vs. duty means that some aspects of Jerry and Sally’s story are horribly predictable, especially as their behavior is a product of the 1970s American middle class (read: deeply repressed) morality. But how deeply Updike explores the layers of their summer makes up for the clichés.
I had never read any Updike before and the prose, my God, the prose! One might as well be writing poetry with a scalpel! You get a wonderful sense of the heavy and frantic nature of everyone’s feeling, the thrill and anger somehow contained and palpable at the same time. I can’t believe I had never picked up a book by him before, because this little taste makes me feel like running straight to the book store! Updike is merciless and evocative, which somehow works perfectly to show the ugliness and vulnerability of his characters.
I will echo Charles’ thoughts, that while this is completely alien to my own experience of relationships and marriage, I also absolutely believed that the events on the page really happened, to real people. Rather insufferable and terrible people (they reminded me of the Wheelers and their little Connecticut life on “Revolutionary Road”), but definitely real people. I was really struck by the emotional immaturity of almost everyone involved in this vaudeville (except maybe Ruth, who is apparently the only adult and lucid person in this story): the childish need for instant satisfaction, the avoidance of conflicts, the impulsive and self-destructive behavior, the need to have the last word and be the “good guy”. Alas, I also know that’s much more common than the honesty, sacrifice and acceptance that makes healthy marriages. As a child of divorce, it’s also really fucking depressing to read a story like this and see how little anyone is concerned with the welfare of any of the children caught in this mess. At best, they are ignored; at worst, weaponized to manipulate a spouse.
I see from reviews that a lot of readers were unhappy with the ending. I can see why, but given that this is the story of four (OK, maybe 3 ½) human disasters colliding, I expected messy, so it didn’t frustrate me nearly as much as the fact that the world is full of real-life Jerrys frustrates me. The maddening back and forth is still hypnotizing, regardless of how it ends, and I highly recommend this little novel.
Thanks again, Big Sis, your recommendations are dead-on, as always!
The subtitle to “Marry Me” is “A Romance”, and clearly, Mr. Updike had his tongue planted firmly in his cheek when he chose that, because this is the most twisted version of a romance I can imagine.
Jerry, who is married to Ruth, is having an affair with Sally. They are in love, and are struggling with finding ways to be together without wrecking their lives. Eventually, Jerry confesses his infidelity to his wife, who, unbeknown to him, had a fling some time ago with Sally’s husband Richard. Ruth requests of Jerry that he put his affair on ice until the end of the summer, in order to make up his mind about what he wants to do. Will he leave her and their 3 children and marry Sally, or will he stay and try to save his marriage?
Idealized love and the fact that it’s 100% a delusion is not a new topic, of course. But in this little story of a marriage falling apart because of an affair is one of the rawest depiction of that annoying reality that I have ever read. The timelessness of the theme of desire vs. duty means that some aspects of Jerry and Sally’s story are horribly predictable, especially as their behavior is a product of the 1970s American middle class (read: deeply repressed) morality. But how deeply Updike explores the layers of their summer makes up for the clichés.
I had never read any Updike before and the prose, my God, the prose! One might as well be writing poetry with a scalpel! You get a wonderful sense of the heavy and frantic nature of everyone’s feeling, the thrill and anger somehow contained and palpable at the same time. I can’t believe I had never picked up a book by him before, because this little taste makes me feel like running straight to the book store! Updike is merciless and evocative, which somehow works perfectly to show the ugliness and vulnerability of his characters.
I will echo Charles’ thoughts, that while this is completely alien to my own experience of relationships and marriage, I also absolutely believed that the events on the page really happened, to real people. Rather insufferable and terrible people (they reminded me of the Wheelers and their little Connecticut life on “Revolutionary Road”), but definitely real people. I was really struck by the emotional immaturity of almost everyone involved in this vaudeville (except maybe Ruth, who is apparently the only adult and lucid person in this story): the childish need for instant satisfaction, the avoidance of conflicts, the impulsive and self-destructive behavior, the need to have the last word and be the “good guy”. Alas, I also know that’s much more common than the honesty, sacrifice and acceptance that makes healthy marriages. As a child of divorce, it’s also really fucking depressing to read a story like this and see how little anyone is concerned with the welfare of any of the children caught in this mess. At best, they are ignored; at worst, weaponized to manipulate a spouse.
I see from reviews that a lot of readers were unhappy with the ending. I can see why, but given that this is the story of four (OK, maybe 3 ½) human disasters colliding, I expected messy, so it didn’t frustrate me nearly as much as the fact that the world is full of real-life Jerrys frustrates me. The maddening back and forth is still hypnotizing, regardless of how it ends, and I highly recommend this little novel.
Thanks again, Big Sis, your recommendations are dead-on, as always!
December 28, 2025
An unflinchingly honest, poignant account of early 60s suburban infidelity. The mores may be outdated but the messy complexity of extramarital affairs and the impact on all involved, remains pretty much the same throughout the decades.
Updike’s writing is achingly beautiful and his dialogues deliciously savage - and as far from our era’s political correctness as one would expect from a novel written in the early 70s. What a relief to come across prose that’s free from at least that constraint…
And what a comedy. Or is it a tragedy? Nah, let’s not exaggerate. A tragicomedy more likely, as befits the newfound liberation of mid-20th century America, always a behavioral template whether we like it or not. Financial security and too many choices make for a new kind of Hell. As the cheated wife observes halfway into the book (herself having sampled the sexual delights on offer by her rival’s husband), "if we all had to sweat for our food we wouldn’t have time for this - this folly. We’re all so spoiled we stink."
I loved the raw portrayal of all four of the entangled spouses. They won my sympathy as much as they tried my patience with their endless change of heart. But I would lie if I said I didn’t know them since I’ve heard variations of their story so many times in real life. It’s Updike’s infinite talent that turns the mundane into poetry. He brings out the poignant complexity of the ordinary little people that inhabit his books and, in turn, mirror his readers. For that he has my admiration and respect, regardless of the distance in time and geography that separates me from his stories.
Updike’s writing is achingly beautiful and his dialogues deliciously savage - and as far from our era’s political correctness as one would expect from a novel written in the early 70s. What a relief to come across prose that’s free from at least that constraint…
And what a comedy. Or is it a tragedy? Nah, let’s not exaggerate. A tragicomedy more likely, as befits the newfound liberation of mid-20th century America, always a behavioral template whether we like it or not. Financial security and too many choices make for a new kind of Hell. As the cheated wife observes halfway into the book (herself having sampled the sexual delights on offer by her rival’s husband), "if we all had to sweat for our food we wouldn’t have time for this - this folly. We’re all so spoiled we stink."
I loved the raw portrayal of all four of the entangled spouses. They won my sympathy as much as they tried my patience with their endless change of heart. But I would lie if I said I didn’t know them since I’ve heard variations of their story so many times in real life. It’s Updike’s infinite talent that turns the mundane into poetry. He brings out the poignant complexity of the ordinary little people that inhabit his books and, in turn, mirror his readers. For that he has my admiration and respect, regardless of the distance in time and geography that separates me from his stories.
June 20, 2022
4.5
-‘How can I live without you?’
-‘The same way I live without you. By not living most of the time.’
Over their shoulder, there is the Sound and there’s a little sailboat and some town far off. The waves are coming in to the rocks and it’s sunny and it’s beautiful. It’s a perfect day to love and to be loved.
Jerry and Sally are an attractive couple, ordinary but striking.
Jerry loves Sally and Sally adores him, but unfortunately they are married to other people. Jerry and Sally are lovers who want more than spending a couple of hours in each other’s company.
Why did you marry him in the first place?
What is to be done? Should they inform their spouses about their affair and ask for divorce? Should they continue deceiving them? Or should they end it, for the sake of their children?
We were caught at being human.
In this tale of love, passion, devotion and betrayal, we come face to face with one man’s confusion, anger and guilt and a woman’s fear of abandonment, frustration and dejection.
Throughout the story, we may pity them, we may judge them. We may agree with one or the other. We may scold, reprove or encourage. But what we can't do, what we are unable to do, is help who we fall in love with.
All trips have that possibility of no return.
-‘How can I live without you?’
-‘The same way I live without you. By not living most of the time.’
Over their shoulder, there is the Sound and there’s a little sailboat and some town far off. The waves are coming in to the rocks and it’s sunny and it’s beautiful. It’s a perfect day to love and to be loved.
Jerry and Sally are an attractive couple, ordinary but striking.
Jerry loves Sally and Sally adores him, but unfortunately they are married to other people. Jerry and Sally are lovers who want more than spending a couple of hours in each other’s company.
Why did you marry him in the first place?
What is to be done? Should they inform their spouses about their affair and ask for divorce? Should they continue deceiving them? Or should they end it, for the sake of their children?
We were caught at being human.
In this tale of love, passion, devotion and betrayal, we come face to face with one man’s confusion, anger and guilt and a woman’s fear of abandonment, frustration and dejection.
Throughout the story, we may pity them, we may judge them. We may agree with one or the other. We may scold, reprove or encourage. But what we can't do, what we are unable to do, is help who we fall in love with.
All trips have that possibility of no return.
April 25, 2011
I read all the reviews of this book before picking it at the book store. Now that I'm finished with it, I have to say I'm a little disappointed in a lot of you.
The reason I actually read it despite the reviews was that like most of John Updike's books, once I started I couldn't put it down. I was literally standing in the book store aisle, 20 pages in and realized I didn't want to stop reading.
John Updike has such a beautiful way of describing things. I love the settings he establishes, the characters he creates, and the language he uses. The places are always relatable. The people are vulnerable. The words are simple and elegant. His writing makes you feel.
As for the subject, just because the story is tragic and you don't agree with the decisions a character makes, doesn't make the book bad. For me, the point of reading is to experience something I wouldn't or couldn't experience in my real life. I read to escape and gain insight to the emotions of other people.
Isn't it interesting to think about what someone else is thinking? Especially in a situation different than your own?
The reason I actually read it despite the reviews was that like most of John Updike's books, once I started I couldn't put it down. I was literally standing in the book store aisle, 20 pages in and realized I didn't want to stop reading.
John Updike has such a beautiful way of describing things. I love the settings he establishes, the characters he creates, and the language he uses. The places are always relatable. The people are vulnerable. The words are simple and elegant. His writing makes you feel.
As for the subject, just because the story is tragic and you don't agree with the decisions a character makes, doesn't make the book bad. For me, the point of reading is to experience something I wouldn't or couldn't experience in my real life. I read to escape and gain insight to the emotions of other people.
Isn't it interesting to think about what someone else is thinking? Especially in a situation different than your own?
October 11, 2024
Marry Me was my first outing with John Updike, and it wasn't a marriage made in heaven. I Iiked the first and last chapters, it was the three chapters inbetween that incured my displeasure. In short, I didn't really engage with the story. It's a shame because Updike is clearly a very good writer. Two stars is probably a bit harsh but I found the novel fairly joyless. I did however, really enjoy the (ongoing) group read, so thanks everyone for all your comments and thank you Mark for making it happen.
April 13, 2020
Maybe our trouble is that we live in the twilight of the old morality, and there’s just enough to torment us, and not enough to hold us in,
*
It’s just that I’m so scared of trying for everything and losing what we have.
*
She couldn’t form the words. She had always known she and Richard had no future; until now she hadn’t realized how short their present was.
*
The wind that had broken this woman like a tree in an ice storm passed through her sometimes without stirring a leaf, and Ruth naturally wondered if she were alive at all. From an anxious depth within her there reawakened the suspicion that the people around her – mother, father, sister – were engaged in a conspiracy, a conspiracy called life, from which she had been excluded. In the night, lying beside Jerry, she considered running away, taking another lover, getting a job, winning back Richard, attempting suicide: all were methods of hurling herself against the unseen resistance and demonstrating, by the soft explosion, the flower of pain, that she existed. She found herself in the impossible position of needing to will belief; somehow she could not quite believe in Jerry and he, feeling this inability, nurtured it, widened it, for it was the opening by which he would escape. He encouraged her illusion that there was a world into which she had never been born.
*
It’s just that I’m so scared of trying for everything and losing what we have.
*
She couldn’t form the words. She had always known she and Richard had no future; until now she hadn’t realized how short their present was.
*
The wind that had broken this woman like a tree in an ice storm passed through her sometimes without stirring a leaf, and Ruth naturally wondered if she were alive at all. From an anxious depth within her there reawakened the suspicion that the people around her – mother, father, sister – were engaged in a conspiracy, a conspiracy called life, from which she had been excluded. In the night, lying beside Jerry, she considered running away, taking another lover, getting a job, winning back Richard, attempting suicide: all were methods of hurling herself against the unseen resistance and demonstrating, by the soft explosion, the flower of pain, that she existed. She found herself in the impossible position of needing to will belief; somehow she could not quite believe in Jerry and he, feeling this inability, nurtured it, widened it, for it was the opening by which he would escape. He encouraged her illusion that there was a world into which she had never been born.
April 4, 2011
Marriage, if it is lived honestly, holds a mirror to our faces. It shows us who we really are. Romance shows us who we'd like to be.
Sometimes the pain of facing ourselves in marriage is so great that we seek an outside romance through which to lie to ourselves, or obtain a reprieve from our true selves - a place to hide in a candlelit glow. We run from our "Ruth," the truth, to a safer view.
Although many times the book offended me - it was ugly, the language could sometimes bite - Updike showed love as viewed through the lens of idealism, and love viewed through the lens of reality. He juxtaposed the two so that we could see the stark contrast between Jerry in romance and Jerry in reality - and the difference was a shock.
Jerry fights between the affair in which he feels his best, and the marriage in which he has to accept who he is. He doesn't want to leave Ruth and his children because he wants to retain the illusion of being a perfect husband and father - but neither does he want to give Sally up, who believes him so.
How many of us do this, in small ways? How many of us hide from facing ourselves, by criticising the other, by seeking something outside to dull the pain? How many of us are still seeking the idealized version of ourselves as the real view, or the best view, and refusing to face something that might force us to make a change?
I disliked Jerry so much by the end, but mostly because I recognized something of his struggle in myself. His pursuit to see himself and be seen as a great man can be tempting. And the way he handled it, by falling in love with Sally, was his was of going out to buy a more forgiving mirror than the truth.
I kept wondering what Jerry should have done - Marry Me shows the problem of his way of thinking, but what is the solution? I can only guess that it would be learning to accept the truth of himself as a warmer, truer friend than the idealistic illusions - and this would have to be done from inside. No matter who Sally was, had Jerry married her instead of Ruth, she would have shown him the truth of himself once the romance wore off. No matter who Ruth was, he would have felt dissatisfied in his marriage, because he wanted to be married to his ideal self. The only way for him to stop running would be to accept and receive the truth of himself.
Sometimes the pain of facing ourselves in marriage is so great that we seek an outside romance through which to lie to ourselves, or obtain a reprieve from our true selves - a place to hide in a candlelit glow. We run from our "Ruth," the truth, to a safer view.
Although many times the book offended me - it was ugly, the language could sometimes bite - Updike showed love as viewed through the lens of idealism, and love viewed through the lens of reality. He juxtaposed the two so that we could see the stark contrast between Jerry in romance and Jerry in reality - and the difference was a shock.
Jerry fights between the affair in which he feels his best, and the marriage in which he has to accept who he is. He doesn't want to leave Ruth and his children because he wants to retain the illusion of being a perfect husband and father - but neither does he want to give Sally up, who believes him so.
How many of us do this, in small ways? How many of us hide from facing ourselves, by criticising the other, by seeking something outside to dull the pain? How many of us are still seeking the idealized version of ourselves as the real view, or the best view, and refusing to face something that might force us to make a change?
I disliked Jerry so much by the end, but mostly because I recognized something of his struggle in myself. His pursuit to see himself and be seen as a great man can be tempting. And the way he handled it, by falling in love with Sally, was his was of going out to buy a more forgiving mirror than the truth.
I kept wondering what Jerry should have done - Marry Me shows the problem of his way of thinking, but what is the solution? I can only guess that it would be learning to accept the truth of himself as a warmer, truer friend than the idealistic illusions - and this would have to be done from inside. No matter who Sally was, had Jerry married her instead of Ruth, she would have shown him the truth of himself once the romance wore off. No matter who Ruth was, he would have felt dissatisfied in his marriage, because he wanted to be married to his ideal self. The only way for him to stop running would be to accept and receive the truth of himself.
May 13, 2012
John Updike was the Mozart of modern American literature. There was nothing that he could not do well. This book is fascinating, quite apart from his wonderful prose style. It apparently is closely based on an actual affair that almost blew Updike's first marriage apart. He alludes to it in his book "Self-Consciousness", saying something along the lines of "I tried to break out of my marriage and failed." He did not publish the book "for personal reasons" while married to his first wife, but brought it out in 1976 after their divorce. He said that "Sally" commented later, "We tried to do too much."
The controversial ending seems perfect to me. Jerry imagines the future if he had chosen Sally, then the real aftermath of his marriage to Ruth, then...a world in which Sally remains his ideal, always just out of reach, never real, and thus never spoiled, a world in which they will always be in love, and in which he is always just about to ask her to marry him.
The controversial ending seems perfect to me. Jerry imagines the future if he had chosen Sally, then the real aftermath of his marriage to Ruth, then...a world in which Sally remains his ideal, always just out of reach, never real, and thus never spoiled, a world in which they will always be in love, and in which he is always just about to ask her to marry him.
September 21, 2019
Az ilyen intellektuális kamaradrámákban mindig kedvem telik, és ebben bizony egyes amerikai szerzők igazán nagy mesterek – Updike, Roth, Franzen, hogy mást ne mondjak (bár ez utóbbi azért elég nagy kamarákat ír, az szentigaz). Azt hiszem, az a titkuk, hogy hagyják beszélni a szereplőiket, kívül maradnak a szövegen, így nem nyomja agyon a moralizálás a témát. Bár ők is gyakran értelmiségiekkel töltik meg a regényteret, mégis képesek iróniában meg humorban pácolva tálalni őket. Ami nem jelenti azt, hogy súlytalan lesz a végeredmény – egyszerűen az olvasó egy fincsi kézműves bonbon közepébe helyezve nyelheti le a keserű pirulát.
A Gyere hozzám feleségül két házasság és egy szerelem története – sajnálatos módon ez a szerelem a házasságok ellen dolgozik. Updike szereplői megpróbálják értelmezni ezt a helyzetet, ami életüket egy futó nyár idejére a görög sorstragédiák magasságába emeli. Okos emberekről van szó, akik képesek okosan megfogalmazni azt, ami a fejükben zajlik – a paradox az, hogy ez csak feltűnőbbé teszi, mennyire megfogalmazhatatlan ez a XX. században talán mindennaposnak mondható családi trauma: a válás. Updike igazán mesterien ereszti össze a képzeletbeli ringben a különböző nézőpontokat, olyan izgalmas olvasmányt teremtve, ami a világirodalmi szinten jeleníti meg, hogy ez a nagy misztérium, ez a nagy varázslat, ez a kimeríthetetlen irodalmi téma-bánya – a híres szerelem – valójában milyen elcseszett nyűg tud lenni.
A Gyere hozzám feleségül két házasság és egy szerelem története – sajnálatos módon ez a szerelem a házasságok ellen dolgozik. Updike szereplői megpróbálják értelmezni ezt a helyzetet, ami életüket egy futó nyár idejére a görög sorstragédiák magasságába emeli. Okos emberekről van szó, akik képesek okosan megfogalmazni azt, ami a fejükben zajlik – a paradox az, hogy ez csak feltűnőbbé teszi, mennyire megfogalmazhatatlan ez a XX. században talán mindennaposnak mondható családi trauma: a válás. Updike igazán mesterien ereszti össze a képzeletbeli ringben a különböző nézőpontokat, olyan izgalmas olvasmányt teremtve, ami a világirodalmi szinten jeleníti meg, hogy ez a nagy misztérium, ez a nagy varázslat, ez a kimeríthetetlen irodalmi téma-bánya – a híres szerelem – valójában milyen elcseszett nyűg tud lenni.
July 30, 2017
More than thirty years ago I read Marry me and it made a big impression on me. Rereading it all these years later was a sheer pleasure. It is Updike’s typical stomping ground: couples, marriages and adultery in a middleclass setting. I remember an interview in which Updike said of this subject matter: ‘If I haven’t exhausted it, then it certainly has exhausted me’.
In Marry me the story is about the married couples Jerry and Ruth and Richard and Sally. It is set in the early sixties in a small town in Connecticut. Jerry and Sally are having an affair and Jerry cannot decide whether or not to break up his marriage with Ruth and choose Sally. His indecisiveness is irritating, frustrating, almost debilitating. But this is just the point. At one stage in the story, Sally, waiting for Jerry to make up his mind and no longer much at ease in her own house with Richard, decides to go and stay with her brother in Florida for a while. Then follows this exchange between Ruth and Jerry:
[Ruth]: Why?
[Jerry]: The bind was getting to be too much for her.
[Ruth]: What bind? What is bind, exactly?
[Jerry]: A bind is when all the alternatives are impossible. Life is a bind. It’s impossible to live forever, it’s impossible to die. It’s impossible for me to marry Sally, it’s impossible for me to live without her. You don't know what a bind is because what’s impossible doesn’t interest you. Your eyes just don’t see it.
Jerry’s eyes see the bind all too acutely. He longs to be free of the bind, he feels the constriction in his lungs (he has astma) when the bind presses too much. But in the end, his conclusion that life is a bind, is inescapable. In the short but beautiful last chapter (called ‘Wyoming’, since that is where Jerry and Sally dreamed of building a new life together), Jerry alternately imagines how eloping to Wyoming might have been, in reality goes to the South of France with Ruth and his children and finally, goes on his own to the tropical beauty of St Croix. Here he muses: ‘The existence of this place satisfied him that there was a dimension in which he did go, as was right, at that party, or the next, and stand, timid and exultant, above the downcast eyes of her gracious, sorrowing face, and say to Sally, Marry me.’ A dimension outside of the bind, so to say, which is impossible to find in real life.
Updike’s writing is sensitive, precise and insightful, and his dialogue as the couples woo, bicker and fight is impressive. I think I would normally rate this book with four stars, but in this particular instance I am adding one for sentimental value.
In Marry me the story is about the married couples Jerry and Ruth and Richard and Sally. It is set in the early sixties in a small town in Connecticut. Jerry and Sally are having an affair and Jerry cannot decide whether or not to break up his marriage with Ruth and choose Sally. His indecisiveness is irritating, frustrating, almost debilitating. But this is just the point. At one stage in the story, Sally, waiting for Jerry to make up his mind and no longer much at ease in her own house with Richard, decides to go and stay with her brother in Florida for a while. Then follows this exchange between Ruth and Jerry:
[Ruth]: Why?
[Jerry]: The bind was getting to be too much for her.
[Ruth]: What bind? What is bind, exactly?
[Jerry]: A bind is when all the alternatives are impossible. Life is a bind. It’s impossible to live forever, it’s impossible to die. It’s impossible for me to marry Sally, it’s impossible for me to live without her. You don't know what a bind is because what’s impossible doesn’t interest you. Your eyes just don’t see it.
Jerry’s eyes see the bind all too acutely. He longs to be free of the bind, he feels the constriction in his lungs (he has astma) when the bind presses too much. But in the end, his conclusion that life is a bind, is inescapable. In the short but beautiful last chapter (called ‘Wyoming’, since that is where Jerry and Sally dreamed of building a new life together), Jerry alternately imagines how eloping to Wyoming might have been, in reality goes to the South of France with Ruth and his children and finally, goes on his own to the tropical beauty of St Croix. Here he muses: ‘The existence of this place satisfied him that there was a dimension in which he did go, as was right, at that party, or the next, and stand, timid and exultant, above the downcast eyes of her gracious, sorrowing face, and say to Sally, Marry me.’ A dimension outside of the bind, so to say, which is impossible to find in real life.
Updike’s writing is sensitive, precise and insightful, and his dialogue as the couples woo, bicker and fight is impressive. I think I would normally rate this book with four stars, but in this particular instance I am adding one for sentimental value.
July 5, 2012
Rather boring exhaustive description of an affair between two
married people that may or may not end with a divorce and, possibly,
a wedding. Of the four characters involved, the adulterers stand out
as being influenced by religion and rather stupid.
married people that may or may not end with a divorce and, possibly,
a wedding. Of the four characters involved, the adulterers stand out
as being influenced by religion and rather stupid.
I found one memorable quote, though:
[He was seven.] He was the most logical of their children and
without a theory of 'jokes' grown-ups would not have fitted into
his universe at all.
May 26, 2020
"La recuperación de estas dos novelas de Updike nos deja muy clara la manera que tiene el autor de representar el matrimonio y el desaliento que produce el amor que se escapa con el paso del tiempo.
En Los Maple los protagonistas son Joan y Richard, un matrimonio cuyas aventuras vieron la luz en forma de cuento que fue sumando capítulos a medida que la pareja evolucionaba en el discurrir del tiempo. Los Maple hablan entre ellos con la complicidad otorgada por los muchos años de convivencia, plantean sin miedo sus otras relaciones y los motivos que los han llevado al abismo de la relación. Sin duda hay amor, fascinación y mucha nostalgia. Lejos del drama, el sentido del humor acompaña la resignación que se vive cuando vemos cómo se aleja una parte fundamental de nuestra vida para fundirse con alguien totalmente ajeno.
En Cásate conmigo, los que mantienen el corazón palpitante son Sally y Jerry, una pareja de amantes que se plantean la manera de huir de sus respectivos matrimonios y la posibilidad de formar uno propio, todo ello sin sospechar lo que sucede en sus casas y con el temor de que el hastío conyugal caiga sobre ellos.
La película de Stanley Donen, Dos en la carretera, podría ser el paralelismo visual, estético y romántico que más se acerca a estos personajes que buscan algo que no existe para siempre.
Nadie nos pertenece, excepto en el recuerdo" Neus Botellé
En Los Maple los protagonistas son Joan y Richard, un matrimonio cuyas aventuras vieron la luz en forma de cuento que fue sumando capítulos a medida que la pareja evolucionaba en el discurrir del tiempo. Los Maple hablan entre ellos con la complicidad otorgada por los muchos años de convivencia, plantean sin miedo sus otras relaciones y los motivos que los han llevado al abismo de la relación. Sin duda hay amor, fascinación y mucha nostalgia. Lejos del drama, el sentido del humor acompaña la resignación que se vive cuando vemos cómo se aleja una parte fundamental de nuestra vida para fundirse con alguien totalmente ajeno.
En Cásate conmigo, los que mantienen el corazón palpitante son Sally y Jerry, una pareja de amantes que se plantean la manera de huir de sus respectivos matrimonios y la posibilidad de formar uno propio, todo ello sin sospechar lo que sucede en sus casas y con el temor de que el hastío conyugal caiga sobre ellos.
La película de Stanley Donen, Dos en la carretera, podría ser el paralelismo visual, estético y romántico que más se acerca a estos personajes que buscan algo que no existe para siempre.
Nadie nos pertenece, excepto en el recuerdo" Neus Botellé
April 28, 2022
This had been sitting on my TBR shelf for quite a while, and I was curious to see how Updike held up after not reading him for many, many years. His favorite subject matter has not changed – he writes of upper middle class white families and particularly marriage/love/family relationships. This novel tells the story of an affair between two people who are married to others. We see the relationship not just from the point of view of the man and woman having the relationship, but also from the point of view of their respective spouses. Yes, the scenes are “stuck” in the time period and cultural environment in which they were written. However, Updike’s writing remains incredible. His ability to describe marital relationships and the emotions which control them (blind physical love, anger, guilt, angst, marital love, parental obligations, etc.) is wonderful and still rings true.
February 4, 2012
Well, wonderful. Despite the authors making a joke he called it a 'romance' because people didn't behave that way any more, the book is acutely correct in its understanding of the evolution of human desire and the description of the mental angst when facing the consequences. The characters' behaviour is nauseating, irritating, trying the readers' patience by being so understanding towards each other it leaves every one of them too many options. The multiple choice and indecision throughout the plot is the reason the last chapter works so well, or is even the only way the book could have ended, though not many readers appreciated it as far as I can gather from the comments.
I understand that the main point of the novel is that too much understanding between the divorcing parties does make the decision-making even more difficult and the divorce more painful, and it rang true to me.
I understand that the main point of the novel is that too much understanding between the divorcing parties does make the decision-making even more difficult and the divorce more painful, and it rang true to me.
January 31, 2023
"It is easy to love people in memory; the hard thing is to love them when they are there in front of you.” 💔
A story about cheating, selfishness, and the desire to fulfill self- gratification. It isn't romantic per se but more of a depressing reality about marriage gone wrong and the tragedy called life.
A man, our anti-hero (Jerry), is cheating on his wife (Ruth) with their friend Sally, who is married (to Richard). The characters were very unlikable, and honestly, I couldn't connect with their story or lifestyle. Jerry was too selfish for my liking. He had 3 kids with his wife, and all he thought about was his own lust and nothing else.
"Sweetie, the bluebird has flown. We're too young to sit around the rest of our lives waiting for it to fly back in the window. It won't. It can't fly backward."
Rating 2.4 stars 🌟
A story about cheating, selfishness, and the desire to fulfill self- gratification. It isn't romantic per se but more of a depressing reality about marriage gone wrong and the tragedy called life.
A man, our anti-hero (Jerry), is cheating on his wife (Ruth) with their friend Sally, who is married (to Richard). The characters were very unlikable, and honestly, I couldn't connect with their story or lifestyle. Jerry was too selfish for my liking. He had 3 kids with his wife, and all he thought about was his own lust and nothing else.
"Sweetie, the bluebird has flown. We're too young to sit around the rest of our lives waiting for it to fly back in the window. It won't. It can't fly backward."
Rating 2.4 stars 🌟
December 2, 2014
I’ve realised that John Updike is not everyone’s cup of tea. However, for me, he’s like Earl Grey, which I spend far too much of each day drinking. To date, I’m neither tea’d out, nor Updiked out.
Marry Me is set in the mid-seventies, in a small coastal town somewhere outside of New York City. In a nutshell it is about two couples, Jerry & Ruth, and Richard & Sally. Jerry & Sally are having a heavy-duty affair; Ruth & Richard once had a lite version (unbeknown to their partners).
Most of the novel (pp69-239) is given over to two chapters, in which first Ruth and then Richard ‘react’ to the revelation of Jerry & Sally’s relationship. Nothing much happens. But such is the skill of Updike that – if he’s your cup of tea – you just want to keep reading.
When I struggle to analyse a book I fall back on my triple criteria of subject-story-style. As I say, there isn’t much of a story – but Updike’s style – elegantly crafted prosaic poetry – makes what there is seem quite fascinating. I don’t know how he does it.
The subject, of course – the affairs – makes for voyeuristic reading, an experience perhaps vicarious, perhaps relived. He writes so convincingly, it makes me think he knows something about it.
Contrastingly, if there is a weakness, it is in relation to the couples’ children, and the impact their existence ought to have upon parental actions and agonies. In fact they are treated as chattels, and perhaps this reflects a gap in Updike’s know-how. (If I could get moving on his autobiography, I might find the answer to this.)
But an excellent read washed down with a few gallons of Earl Grey.
Marry Me is set in the mid-seventies, in a small coastal town somewhere outside of New York City. In a nutshell it is about two couples, Jerry & Ruth, and Richard & Sally. Jerry & Sally are having a heavy-duty affair; Ruth & Richard once had a lite version (unbeknown to their partners).
Most of the novel (pp69-239) is given over to two chapters, in which first Ruth and then Richard ‘react’ to the revelation of Jerry & Sally’s relationship. Nothing much happens. But such is the skill of Updike that – if he’s your cup of tea – you just want to keep reading.
When I struggle to analyse a book I fall back on my triple criteria of subject-story-style. As I say, there isn’t much of a story – but Updike’s style – elegantly crafted prosaic poetry – makes what there is seem quite fascinating. I don’t know how he does it.
The subject, of course – the affairs – makes for voyeuristic reading, an experience perhaps vicarious, perhaps relived. He writes so convincingly, it makes me think he knows something about it.
Contrastingly, if there is a weakness, it is in relation to the couples’ children, and the impact their existence ought to have upon parental actions and agonies. In fact they are treated as chattels, and perhaps this reflects a gap in Updike’s know-how. (If I could get moving on his autobiography, I might find the answer to this.)
But an excellent read washed down with a few gallons of Earl Grey.
April 28, 2008
Could anyone explain to me what happened in the last two chapters? I just couldn't understand what Updike intended by them.
March 30, 2022
Está muy bien escrito.
Me he pasado todo el libro angustiada y enojada, tal vez un poco menos extenso y le daba puntuación máxima, porque la escritura es muy buena.
Me he pasado todo el libro angustiada y enojada, tal vez un poco menos extenso y le daba puntuación máxima, porque la escritura es muy buena.
May 28, 2013
good, very good. but a fluffy last chapter that made me end the book being incapable of either remembering the good parts, or liking any of the characters
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