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Chocolate, Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat, and Freaks
An inside look at the life of Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean, Lisa Lampanelli, as she dishes on everything from relationships, food, and fat to why once you go black, you never go back
In her jaw-droppingly hilarious and politically incorrect memoir, Lisa reveals all—including the dysfunctional childhood that made her the insult comic she is today, the subject for which she's best known (black men, black men, and more black men), and her hilarious struggles with her addiction to food and hot guys. By telling her story in her very real, very candid, very open way, Lisa shows her audience that it's okay to be yourself, even if it's just one rehab stint at a time. Lisa also takes readers behind the scenes at the roasts that have marked her comedy career and launched her into the comedy elite, and reveals the important "firsts" in her career, including her first time on her hero's program, The Howard Stern Show.
Chocolate, Please is a side-splittingly funny portrait of the woman behind the award-winning insult comedy.
In her jaw-droppingly hilarious and politically incorrect memoir, Lisa reveals all—including the dysfunctional childhood that made her the insult comic she is today, the subject for which she's best known (black men, black men, and more black men), and her hilarious struggles with her addiction to food and hot guys. By telling her story in her very real, very candid, very open way, Lisa shows her audience that it's okay to be yourself, even if it's just one rehab stint at a time. Lisa also takes readers behind the scenes at the roasts that have marked her comedy career and launched her into the comedy elite, and reveals the important "firsts" in her career, including her first time on her hero's program, The Howard Stern Show.
Chocolate, Please is a side-splittingly funny portrait of the woman behind the award-winning insult comedy.
306 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2009
17 people are currently reading
359 people want to read
About the author
Lisa Lampanelli
3 books19 followersLisa Lampanelli, often referred to as Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean, is a Grammy-nominated American stand-up comedian and insult comic. She is noted for her extremely racy and raunchy style of comedy, which frequently includes taboo subjects such as race and homosexuality.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 78 reviews
September 27, 2012
First: I read a review where someone noted that they were very disappointed that there wasn't actually a story about chocolate in the book. Which just made me laugh. There's a bare torso on the cover on the cover of an insult comic who is known for her ravenous love of black men. Whom she affectionately refers to as "chocolate". You have to be kind of dense to get this book and think it might actually be about chocolate, haha.
Last: After reading 2 pages of "Part 5" of the book, I thumbed through the rest and closed the book. It was a list of her "Rules to Live By" which were really, by her own admission, just her opinion on everything she could think of. Which, sadly, weren't all that funny and were very aimless.
Overall, the book was so-so. She loves black men, check. She is chubby, check. That's pretty much what every single page reiterated. So by the middle of the book, I was waiting for something to actually happen. Nothing did. Nothing noteworthy in her family life, her school life, any part of her life. Which is disappointing because I usually get a good laugh out of her stand-up specials. And, I love her crazy 1950's outlandish housewife dresses. She doesn't transfer well onto print, her jokes are the type that need to be heard/seen and not read to be funny..
Last: After reading 2 pages of "Part 5" of the book, I thumbed through the rest and closed the book. It was a list of her "Rules to Live By" which were really, by her own admission, just her opinion on everything she could think of. Which, sadly, weren't all that funny and were very aimless.
Overall, the book was so-so. She loves black men, check. She is chubby, check. That's pretty much what every single page reiterated. So by the middle of the book, I was waiting for something to actually happen. Nothing did. Nothing noteworthy in her family life, her school life, any part of her life. Which is disappointing because I usually get a good laugh out of her stand-up specials. And, I love her crazy 1950's outlandish housewife dresses. She doesn't transfer well onto print, her jokes are the type that need to be heard/seen and not read to be funny..
October 25, 2009
For those of you that don't know, I love to laugh! I will laugh at almost anything and everything and I especially love to laugh at myself. I'm the type of person that will trip in the middle of a crowded mall and burst with hyena laughter until I can't breathe. I learned early on to laugh at myself and not take life too seriously. That being said, it shouldn't come as a shock that I adore comedians. I'm a huge fan of Dane Cook, Katt Williams, Dave Chappelle and of course, my all time favorite - Lisa Lampanelli. She's my favorite because she has boobs and a foul mouth and she's not afraid to use either.
She's Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean and she sure knows how to tell a story. I learned a lot about Lisa from her book and I learned that she and I actually share a lot in common. She is a genuinely funny person and I'm so glad she allowed me to peek into her life and laugh with her. (Truth be told, I laughed at her a few times too, but shhh, don't tell her.)
I would recommend this book to anyone who doesn't take life too seriously. If you're easily offended, do not pick up this book!
August 13, 2009
The only book cover I have tried to keep hidden on the subway.
July 25, 2010
I am always amused and shocked when I see Lisa perform. Her book is just the same. She is one of my favorite stand up comics, and the queen of the roast.
December 25, 2017
I’m a big Lisa Lampanelli fan. Love her stand up and her cut throat roast material. This book is a great behind the scene look of what was going on in her head and in her personal life at the time of her success. I had no idea she frequented rehab centers and had so many jerk boyfriends. Also amazingly. learned about the legendary Pips Comedy Club. I think the book has a solid structure.
1) Where she is now
2) Childhood and come up
3) Rehab experience
4)Lisa’s take on different subjects
I would have loved for her to haveincluded more rejected jokes or her method of coming up with material and perfecting her set.
I also would have loved to read about her experience at Harvard that must have been something knowing Lisa’s loud mouthed attitude.
I have to be honest I did laugh out loud numerous times whilst reading this book.
If you are a fan of hers, it’s a must read.
I wonder if she is going to write another book now that she is slightly of the main stream stand up circuit and writing/ performing her Off-Broadway play Stuffed.
1) Where she is now
2) Childhood and come up
3) Rehab experience
4)Lisa’s take on different subjects
I would have loved for her to haveincluded more rejected jokes or her method of coming up with material and perfecting her set.
I also would have loved to read about her experience at Harvard that must have been something knowing Lisa’s loud mouthed attitude.
I have to be honest I did laugh out loud numerous times whilst reading this book.
If you are a fan of hers, it’s a must read.
I wonder if she is going to write another book now that she is slightly of the main stream stand up circuit and writing/ performing her Off-Broadway play Stuffed.
November 3, 2019
Whelp. Ok. I found this book at a thrift shop and vaguely remember her being funny during various roasts of B grade celebrities. I typically like books by comedians.
She is an insult comic. She does make fun of EVERYONE. I was prepared for this as much. However, in our current political and social climate, her style of comedy does not translate well.
I resonated with page 190 with her comments about being an overweight female in the summertime. That was pretty much it for me.
She is an insult comic. She does make fun of EVERYONE. I was prepared for this as much. However, in our current political and social climate, her style of comedy does not translate well.
I resonated with page 190 with her comments about being an overweight female in the summertime. That was pretty much it for me.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 26, 2018
It's not that I didn't enjoy this book; I did-Lisa Lampanelli is quick, funny and pushes the boundaries perhaps more than any other comedians, I think I would have found this book much funnier had I listened to it on audio.
On the down side, there are cringe worthy moments in this book giving the reader the impression that there is nothing off bounds for Lampanelli.
On the down side, there are cringe worthy moments in this book giving the reader the impression that there is nothing off bounds for Lampanelli.
February 5, 2020
Awesome book and makes you empathize with Lisa. She's a great comedian, and her book kept me interested. I do miss her older way more vulgar comedy though! It was interesting to read about her struggles with weight and self esteem.
September 25, 2020
If you like her comedy
If you are a fan of hers, you’ll enjoy the book. If you don’t like her humor, you probably won’t
If you are a fan of hers, you’ll enjoy the book. If you don’t like her humor, you probably won’t
August 9, 2021
- Cool, funny book...
Its fun time to read it!
Its fun time to read it!
April 12, 2023
Laughed my ass off. 😂
April 23, 2012
Lisa Lampanelli, "Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean," spouts epithets and slurs with mind-numbing rapidity. Her comedy, standing squarely in the middle of the "insult comic" genre, could be easily offensive if one took things personally (or took things personally on behalf of someone else). But where lesser comics use epithets as they're intended, Lampanelli's use of the language sends up everyone, especially the up-tight squares who can't take a joke. Of course, Lampanelli makes this kind of comedy work by making herself the target as often as she puts the target on someone else's back.
A few thoughts:
I've really come to like stand-up comedian books, particularly the ones that bridge the gap between comedy essays and memoir. Because comedians spend so much time thinking about the nature of the world, they're remarkably introspective and thus able to articulate their views of the world with both humor and humility. That said, this book had more essays about Lampanelli's treatment for various personality disorders (eating and co-dependency) than I expected it would.
In particular, Lampanelli's writing about her two stints in rehab is particularly moving. The time she spends in an extreme rehab facility for people with eating disorders is both moving and interesting, and helps highlight how women of all shapes and sizes faces body image challenges in American society.
I'm divided the way she writes about her experiences with black men. In part, Lampanelli is famous for her stage stories about dating black men, but her discussion of them is grounded in the language she uses as an insult comic, and makes it very hard to separate her discussions of particular men of color from all men of color. This becomes more complicated as she writes about the stereotypes that she's decided are more often true than false. It might be easy for an unsophisticated listener to find racist views reinforced, rather than satirized, by Lampanelli's book. (Much of her book reminds me, for example, of Chelsea Handler's writing about dwarfs.)
Alas, the book feels a bit padded out with jokes from her act and various specials she's been in. I would actually have preferred to read another essay about her life than a series of jokes about different subjects.
A good book for someone who knows Lampanelli's work, but not recommended for people unfamiliar with her comedy style. Be sure you like her work before you read this book.
A few thoughts:
I've really come to like stand-up comedian books, particularly the ones that bridge the gap between comedy essays and memoir. Because comedians spend so much time thinking about the nature of the world, they're remarkably introspective and thus able to articulate their views of the world with both humor and humility. That said, this book had more essays about Lampanelli's treatment for various personality disorders (eating and co-dependency) than I expected it would.
In particular, Lampanelli's writing about her two stints in rehab is particularly moving. The time she spends in an extreme rehab facility for people with eating disorders is both moving and interesting, and helps highlight how women of all shapes and sizes faces body image challenges in American society.
I'm divided the way she writes about her experiences with black men. In part, Lampanelli is famous for her stage stories about dating black men, but her discussion of them is grounded in the language she uses as an insult comic, and makes it very hard to separate her discussions of particular men of color from all men of color. This becomes more complicated as she writes about the stereotypes that she's decided are more often true than false. It might be easy for an unsophisticated listener to find racist views reinforced, rather than satirized, by Lampanelli's book. (Much of her book reminds me, for example, of Chelsea Handler's writing about dwarfs.)
Alas, the book feels a bit padded out with jokes from her act and various specials she's been in. I would actually have preferred to read another essay about her life than a series of jokes about different subjects.
A good book for someone who knows Lampanelli's work, but not recommended for people unfamiliar with her comedy style. Be sure you like her work before you read this book.
January 10, 2013
Continuing with my "let's read books by stand-up comedians", I tried this one on for size. As a peripheral fan of Lisa Lampenelli, I thought this book could be entertaining. It was. Sometimes. But where she regales as the "Queen of Mean", I just read insults for the sake of word count. Her jokes seemed to run more mean for the sake of being mean, or really a bitch, more than roast-esque. In fact, her insults seemed to highlight her own insecurities moreso than her strengths as a comic. Unfortunate. Don't get me wrong, there were DEFINITELY passages I chuckled and her backstage "access" sections were always interesting to look into but it was the sections where she let down her guard and honestly talked about herself and her issues/experiences that were the most satisfying to read. I'm not saying stand-up comics can't (or shouldn't) write funny books but they shouldn't try so hard...or should try harder. I'm not too sure yet which is right.
Out of the couple hundred pages or so (the last 40 of which seemed like they took months to finish), the only passage I put a bookmark in seemed to be:
"I saw Darryl Kevin almost every day for three years after we met that night in Newark Airport. Then I saw him less and less.
After moving together to Connecticut, we grew apart. He started going to the gym more, and work-obsessed me? I started gaining more fame and coincidentally more weight. Then he got another girlfriend and forgot to tell me. Was it his fault? Was it my fault? Probably a little of both. But all I know is that everytime I dail a phone in the middle of the night to call whoever I'm dating, I hold my breath until they pick ip the phone. If they don't pick up--the way Darryl ceased to toward the end of our relationship--the wall goes up. And that wall can't be penetrated, no matter what color the man." (34-35)
Out of the couple hundred pages or so (the last 40 of which seemed like they took months to finish), the only passage I put a bookmark in seemed to be:
"I saw Darryl Kevin almost every day for three years after we met that night in Newark Airport. Then I saw him less and less.
After moving together to Connecticut, we grew apart. He started going to the gym more, and work-obsessed me? I started gaining more fame and coincidentally more weight. Then he got another girlfriend and forgot to tell me. Was it his fault? Was it my fault? Probably a little of both. But all I know is that everytime I dail a phone in the middle of the night to call whoever I'm dating, I hold my breath until they pick ip the phone. If they don't pick up--the way Darryl ceased to toward the end of our relationship--the wall goes up. And that wall can't be penetrated, no matter what color the man." (34-35)
December 26, 2014
I’ve never heard of Ms. Lampanelli before reading this book; therefore I came to it completely unbiased and ready for anything. Boy, was I in for it.
Her jokes are rather mean but she doesn’t intend any harm by it. Just skirting the edge of true repulsiveness, her humor takes some getting used to but it’s grounded in reality—more or less. Like a lot of comedians, her humor stems from a difficult childhood. She had to fight for attention because she couldn’t be “perfect” like her siblings and she found comedy to be the winning ticket.
Ms. Lampanelli’s comedy is broad but utterly hilarious, even when she’s detailing her struggle with overeating and dating. Surprisingly, her career seems to have been fairly smooth sailing; it’s the rest of her life that gave her trouble and, ironically, provided her with the meat of her book.
If stereotypical jokes about blacks, Italians, Jews, Hispanics, Asians, etc., don’t offend you, then give Ms. Lampanelli a try. You will find yourself agreeably surprised and laughing fit to bust.
Her jokes are rather mean but she doesn’t intend any harm by it. Just skirting the edge of true repulsiveness, her humor takes some getting used to but it’s grounded in reality—more or less. Like a lot of comedians, her humor stems from a difficult childhood. She had to fight for attention because she couldn’t be “perfect” like her siblings and she found comedy to be the winning ticket.
Ms. Lampanelli’s comedy is broad but utterly hilarious, even when she’s detailing her struggle with overeating and dating. Surprisingly, her career seems to have been fairly smooth sailing; it’s the rest of her life that gave her trouble and, ironically, provided her with the meat of her book.
If stereotypical jokes about blacks, Italians, Jews, Hispanics, Asians, etc., don’t offend you, then give Ms. Lampanelli a try. You will find yourself agreeably surprised and laughing fit to bust.
January 18, 2013
I was expecting so much from this book and I was so bummed! I really thought it would be a page turner yet I didn't find it like that at all. This book never really made me want to read more. What I found weird is that when I read it I would laugh, yes it was pretty entertaining but the fact that it wasn't a continuing story made me close it after every laugh. (hope you understand what I mean) I felt the book had many pauses and that made me lose interest, so much that I couldn't finish reading it. I want to give it another try thou because it might just get better towards the end but for what I read as much as I love Lisa Lampanelli and her jokes this book was not enough to captivate me... Would I recommend it? No!
February 18, 2020
Lisa Lampanelli, the Lovable Queen of Mean, brings the laughs in this memoir. Known for her roasts, LL is bitingly mean, wicked raunchy and outrageous - kind of like Chelsea Handler on steroids. Similar to Chelsea, LL's book reads more like a stand-up routine, which is great because I'm not familiar with her work.
On the downside, the book lacks structure and at times, substance, plus the black jokes get old by the end. Her jokes in the epilogue were a little too stereotypical, you just feel like most comics have been there, done that joke; however, her dating stories and her stints in rehab are hilarious and make the book a worthwhile read!
On the downside, the book lacks structure and at times, substance, plus the black jokes get old by the end. Her jokes in the epilogue were a little too stereotypical, you just feel like most comics have been there, done that joke; however, her dating stories and her stints in rehab are hilarious and make the book a worthwhile read!
October 15, 2009
Lisa's a gas - to use an out of date saying - she comes right out with her sweariest swears and never misses a chance to reference her love for the blacks or contempt for the skinny white bitches. I didn't laugh out loud as much as I thought I would, but as it turns out, her story is a little dramatic - there's stints in rehab, weight issues, family issues, religion issues - so sometimes laughing is more of a knowing chuckle than a big honking guffaw.
She does, however, talk a lot about her twat, so that's always good for a laugh. And, like her stand-up, no segment of society is safe. Though us Jews do get a nice large share of her attention ;)
She does, however, talk a lot about her twat, so that's always good for a laugh. And, like her stand-up, no segment of society is safe. Though us Jews do get a nice large share of her attention ;)
November 8, 2009
Parts of this are crazy hilarious, other parts boring as hell--didn't give a fuck about her high school years or what her favorite parts of being on celebrity roasts were. I thought that it was pretentious that she quoted her own favorite jokes she made and favorite jokes celebrities made about her......if we were big enough fans, we would have seen the jokes. But there are great stereotypes that are supported in this book and those are one of my favorite types of humor. She makes fun of everyone equally, based on their ethnic background, religion and sexual orientation. She reminded me of my parents, only meaner.
June 9, 2011
This was what I needed after reading the deBecker book. No offense!
If you like Lisa's stand-up act (and I do!) then you'll like this! It's written just like she speaks and it's a hoot. I know from other reviews that people didn't like her delving into her "issues" but that's what makes her LL. All comedians have something that makes them yearn for that laughter and we all have some issues. If you think you don't, then that's your issue!
If you're looking for a politically correct book, this is not it!
She's so wrong, she's right-- and I love it! I may have to find others by the "Queen of Mean".
If you like Lisa's stand-up act (and I do!) then you'll like this! It's written just like she speaks and it's a hoot. I know from other reviews that people didn't like her delving into her "issues" but that's what makes her LL. All comedians have something that makes them yearn for that laughter and we all have some issues. If you think you don't, then that's your issue!
If you're looking for a politically correct book, this is not it!
She's so wrong, she's right-- and I love it! I may have to find others by the "Queen of Mean".
April 29, 2011
I really enjoyed reading this book, although it's not as funny as the #1 queen of mean is in person.
It's nice to learn about her life and why she is the way she is but I really didn't find this book that funny, interesting, just not that funny. I find that's usually the case when comedians write books. there's just something about hearing them on stage that makes it 10 times funnier than in a book.
Maybe listening to these types of books on audio would be better. Who knows, I've never tried and I'm not about to waste my paychecks on audio books.
It's nice to learn about her life and why she is the way she is but I really didn't find this book that funny, interesting, just not that funny. I find that's usually the case when comedians write books. there's just something about hearing them on stage that makes it 10 times funnier than in a book.
Maybe listening to these types of books on audio would be better. Who knows, I've never tried and I'm not about to waste my paychecks on audio books.
July 26, 2011
I knew of Lisa before reading the book, but haven't really followed her career at all, but still enjoying the book is a testament to how good it is. The first half could be my biography...she's a big girl who loves black guys and is adored by gays...hello my life story, but then, like most comedian's memoirs/stories, it gets deeper and darker. For the most part I enjoyed her humor and like the snarky attitude and tone to the book. A good read for big girls and gays. Check it out if you fall into either category.
October 22, 2011
I knew going into this book that the author is about as politically INcorrect as they come. However, I still find her extremely funny and made sure not to get offended by her inappropriate opinions. I was greatly disappointed by this book because the title implies a story, of whatever sort, about chocolate. But it ended up being a story about the author's attraction to black men. I didn't even finish it because I'm personally revolted by anyone's preference of one race over others. I couldn't stand some of the things she talked about. It is somewhat well written and it is still funny.
March 17, 2010
Ha ha ha ha, LL is one crazy bitch. I love her. So I pretty much thought it was a good read up until the last few chapters when she starts acknowledging her codependency on food and bad men and documents her rehab stints (yes, plural) to deal with these problems. I could have done without the last four chapters (I think?). She is usually chosen by Comedy Central to close the roasts . . . why wouldn't she apply this to her book?
Regardless, ABSOLUTELY still a fan. Love LL!
Regardless, ABSOLUTELY still a fan. Love LL!
January 13, 2011
I started out really liking this book, then I got bored somewhere in the middle of the roast chapter. I had to put the book down and read something else then come back to it. When I picked it up the second time it was hilarious all the way to the end. Maybe it was just more comedy than I could take in one sitting. Although I have never actually seen any of her shows, I loved this book and her politically incorrect humor. I would recommend it to people who don't get offended easily.
August 9, 2011
This book is hilarious! LL is funny as crap- so funny I had to change my undees a few times because she made me crap 'em. There are some slow points, but overall Chocolate is a great little memoir. I got the audio book cus stuff like this is always better when read by the author. WARNING: After listening to this book you'll start to forget that constantly telling racist jokes and calling women 'cunts' all the time is, usually, inappropriate. So, watch out for that, bitches.
February 5, 2012
I love it when comedians write books, and when you're as brave and unabashedly funny as Lisa it's a no brainer. Reading this brings to mind the brilliant work of George Carlin, and though no one could ever fill his shoes I know he'd love Lisa's filthy mouth and their shared "don't give a crap," attitude.
January 31, 2011
I wasn't sure if I was going to enjoy this book or not. She is a "blue" comic, meaning she can use alot of profanity and tell jokes some might find offensive. The book shed a whole new light on her for me. It tells of her past struggles with weight and acceptance for herself. She does make jokes throughout, so if you are offended easily then this book might not be for you.
March 4, 2012
This book is a politically incorrect, totally hilarious memoir about the life of Lisa Lampanelli, and how she finds herself in her mid 40's.
If nothing in general offends you when it comes to humor, you will love this book. If you are sensitive to jokes about sex, race, weight, etc do not read this book.
If nothing in general offends you when it comes to humor, you will love this book. If you are sensitive to jokes about sex, race, weight, etc do not read this book.
March 27, 2012
This book was ok. There were a couple humorous parts. I enjoyed the parts where she spoke about her interactions with Howard Stern. There were a couple of chapters that I hardly read and just skimmed over. I really wouldn't recommend this book to everyone, jus
t those that watch a lot of stand up comedy.
t those that watch a lot of stand up comedy.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 78 reviews