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Conscious Living: How to Create a Life of Your Own Design

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In his bestselling book Conscious Living, pioneering therapist Gay Hendricks taught couples how to find balance and happiness in relationships.Now he gives us Conscious Living, a practical guide for the individual that brings new insights into a fundamental truth of daily truth of daily life. Five simple lessons of "conscious living", rooted in the ancient traditions of Stoicism and Taoism, help us overcome obstacles and fears and awaken our own creativity.

290 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2000

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About the author

Gay Hendricks

109 books505 followers
Dr. Gay Hendricks has served for more than 30 years as one of the major contributors to the fields of relationship transformation and body-mind therapies. Along with his wife, Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks, Gay is the author of many bestsellers, including Conscious Loving, At the Speed of Life, and Five Wishes.

Gay received his PhD in counseling psychology from Stanford University in 1974. After a 21-year career as a professor at the University of Colorado, he founded The Hendricks Institute, which offers seminars in North America, Asia, and Europe. He is also the founder of a new virtual learning center for transformation, Gaia Illumination University.

Throughout his career, Gay has done executive coaching with more than 800 executives, including the top management at such firms as Dell Computer, Hewlett Packard, Motorola, and KLM. His book, The Corporate Mystic, is used widely to train management in combining business skills and personal development tools.

In recent years he has also been active in creating new forms of conscious entertainment. In 2003, along with movie producer Stephen Simon, Gay founded the Spiritual Cinema Circle, which distributes inspirational movies to subscribers in more than 70 countries around the world. He was the executive producer of the feature film Conversations with God, and he has appeared on more than 500 radio and television shows, including Oprah, CNN, CNBC, 48 Hours, and others

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews
Profile Image for Zinta.
Author 4 books268 followers
January 5, 2009
Life is an ongoing, neverending process of self-improvement and enlightenment. While we can be given the best advice and offered the most valuable lessons over and over again, it takes a readiness in ourselves, an open heart and mind and a willing spirit, to be receptive to those lessons. And, to be truly effective, we need be not only ready... but conscious of the lesson learned and applied.

A good friend who has earned my respect with her ability to maneuver through her life with serenity and acceptance, even while learning the toughest lessons, recently recommended Hendricks' books to me. I value her advice, and so I approached the Hendricks' bookshelf with high expectations. I found many books on the shelf, written by both Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, and with this volume as my introduction, I expect to be reading several more.

Hendricks has probably not told me anything in this book I don't already know. We must love ourselves before we can truly love another. Anger denied does not go away. Moving through life and its choices by default rather than thoughtful and considered decision is guaranteed to end in disaster. Choosing love partners by chemistry alone can only mean heartbreak. We get what we expect. Negativity in attitude and expectations magnetically draws to us more negativity. If your life is not what you want it to be, guess what, it's you who is at the wheel. Yes, I knew all of this.

I knew it, but I have too often failed to apply these sound, common sense lessons to my own life. I suppose there is something in all of us that feels the irresistible impulse to put our hand in the fire even when we have been told, over and over again, it will burn. Unfortunately, nothing is so effective a teacher as pain.

But by the time I picked up this book, I was ready to listen. I was, you might say, fully conscious of these wisdoms and ready and willing to apply them at last. I almost feel a little silly stating how my mood and attitude improved by just reading this book. It sounds rather simplistic, doesn't it? Then again, we humans do tend to overcomplicate our lives, don't we?

I feel confident in recommending this book to anyone... but only with this note: if you are ready to steer through your life with conscious intent, you'll love this book and its sensible advice. If you are not, if you are still looking for someone else to do the work for you, or if you prefer your old comfort zone, or if you want to shirk your responsibility for the course of your own life a while longer, well, read a comic book instead. Up to you.

As for me, I loved it. Ready and awake! I like that the responsibility for this adventure is all mine.
Profile Image for Bryan Tanner.
788 reviews225 followers
January 4, 2025
Review:

One of the best self-help books I've read. Let me say upfront, it's different. It pushed my comfort level because it was new-agey, and there were also a few moments that felt like TMI. On the flip side, I loved the author’s authenticity. It was clear that he had tons of experience and genuine desire to help the reader. I'll lead with the weird stuff:

First, I was taken aback by a pseudo-spiritual experience he had as a young man in which he hit his head and was able to look inside himself at all his metaphysical spaces and threads of energy. That experience motivated incredible positive change in his life and laid the foundation for his unique approach to therapy. Ultimately, I accepted his story as a unique experience and was like, "Good for you." (It would be cool if that happened to me; sans the cerebral hematoma, of course. But people generally don’t have these life altering experiences without accompanying trauma.)

Regarding Gay offering TMI, he's just really comfortable talking about his sexual journey. And I'm not used to hearing that degree of honesty from others about their taboo thoughts. For example, at age 50, he recognized himself feeling attracted to a 25-year-old (which had never happened in his 15 years of marriage with his 2nd wife). So what's the first thing he did? He told his wife about it. And then he brought the 25-year-old into the conversation. BIZARRE! However, at the end of the story, everyone was apparently the better for it. Quite inspirational, really. I was inspired by the level of trust he had in his relationship to be able to share his most shameful things with loved ones. He discovered he wasn’t actually attracted to a younger woman; he had just fallen out of love with his creative self. Gay’s wife was initially hurt and upset with him, but that quickly evolved into love and trust. And the would-be-traumatized 25-year-old girl asked them both to officiate in her (and her boyfriend's) eventual wedding.

This reminded me of “Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship,” (2022) by Terrence Real, a family therapist. He recommends an occasional gut check that he calls a “relational reckoning.” Ask yourself: “Am I getting enough in this relationship to make grieving what I don’t get OK with me?”

Now for the good stuff:

…it's all great. I had like 20 "AH-HAs!" Much of what he shared described my life and how I felt. So many mental and spiritual doors were opened as I transferred his experience to my life. It helped me realize what was keeping me from being ready for a fully-trusting marriage relationship.

For anyone who is struggling with ANYTHING, Hendrick's 5 lessons might just help you too to unblock your path. (I won't spoil it here. Get the book. Digest it slowly.)

Who Is Gay Hendricks, PhD?

Hendricks taught at Stanford for 30+ years and led people through 20,000+ counseling sessions.

Gay’s story began when he was a child and realized he could see non-physical energies (auras). As a young (messed up) man, he wacked his head and had a bizarre, meta-physical experience which served as a springboard to pioneering a new approach to finding peace and balance in one's own life. After that experience, Hendricks articulated his life's purpose in this one statement: “My purpose was this: to expand in love and creativity every day and to assist those who are interested to expand in their ability to be more loving and creative.”

Summary:

Conscious Living offers readers five simple lessons of how to finally live consciously. These 5 lessons are rooted in the ancient traditions of Stoicism and Taoism, help readers overcome obstacles and fears, and awaken our creativity, love, and unity with the world around us.

1. Taking Responsibility
Hendricks emphasizes the importance of taking full responsibility for your life, including your emotions, actions, and experiences. This means letting go of blame and realizing that you have the power to shape your reality. When you own your choices, you free yourself from victimhood and step into empowerment.

Key Insight: Life happens through you, not to you.

2. Living in Integrity
Living in alignment with your true self is central to conscious living. Hendricks urges readers to be honest with themselves and others, honor their commitments, and ensure that their actions reflect their core values. Integrity creates a foundation for trust, confidence, and joy.

Key Insight: When your thoughts, words, and actions align, you create harmony in your life.

3. Letting Go of Fear
Fear often blocks personal growth and keeps us stuck in limiting patterns. Hendricks teaches readers to confront and release their fears, transforming them into opportunities for growth. This includes embracing vulnerability and stepping outside of your comfort zone.

Key Insight: Fear loses its power when you face it with awareness and compassion.

4. Cultivating Conscious Relationships
Relationships provide a mirror for your personal growth. Hendricks highlights the importance of authenticity, open communication, and mutual support in relationships. By addressing conflicts with honesty and understanding, you deepen your connection to others and yourself.

Key Insight: Conscious relationships thrive on authenticity and mutual respect.

5. Embracing Your Creative Power
Hendricks believes that everyone has a unique creative energy that can be harnessed to live a fulfilling life. He encourages readers to pursue their passions, express themselves fully, and contribute their gifts to the world. Creativity is a pathway to joy and purpose.

Key Insight: Your creative energy is a force for transformation and joy.

Favorite Quote:

“At its simplest, conscious living is the art of feeling your feelings, speaking authentically, knowing your life purpose, and carrying out effective actions that contribute to your well-being and the well-being of others. The moment we commit ourselves to living consciously, we embark on a journey of wonder through the real world, on a sacred path of infinite practicality. I believe that committing to the journey makes us fully human. I believe also that wholehearted participation in the journey is our very best way of returning thanks for the gift of life. Life comes to us freely; we wake up one day, and we’re in it. Conscious living is the art of expressing gratitude for the gift of life by learning and loving as much as we can until the moment we’re not here.”
Profile Image for Lauryn Smith du Toit.
43 reviews14 followers
June 11, 2018
Dear Diary,

Long time, no write. I could apologize for the absence. I could give you a list of excuses as to why I have been away. Or, I could just jump right back in and review something of the self-help genre. Yeah, I will do that last one.

First, a disclaimer. I have always found self-help books to be a little… lame. But I am currently coming down from a workaholic high, a period of doubt, exhaustion, impatience, grumpiness, discouragement and anxiety. Most people have experienced these negative emotions, and I often wrangle with the latter, which I reluctantly attribute to my unyielding perfectionism. So, in a proactive effort, I have determined to give a book on personal development a go. The contender is “Conscious Living: Finding Joy in the Real World” by Gay Hendricks, selected for both its great reviews and the enticing promise of its title. The book is somewhat remarkable, with a few novel insights on life and truth.

The author is considered a pioneer in the field of psychology because he advocates for living life by design and for educating via nontraditional means. He believes that therapy, for instance, should focus less on the past and more on the present and future. In “Conscious Living,” he coaches readers on how to use the powers of love, intention and creation, describing methods that have been successful for patients in his professional practice. He relies on the principles of Taoism and Stoicism to support his goal of helping others conquer fear and live with purpose, explicating five fundamental lessons, such as knowing one’s priorities and fully participating in life.

Hendricks exhibits an unabashed hippie-esque spirituality, a focus on oneness with the universe, which at first is a bit uncomfortable. As the book progresses, though, it becomes clear that he genuinely accepts the power of the cosmos, and he even succeeds in making the idea of harnessing such power enticing. His honesty and openness help allure readers in this regard. That said, the “TMI” adage often comes to mind while reading this book, such as when Hendricks describes his past sexual desires while illustrating the type of communication he has with his current wife.

Hendricks is clearly confident that his methods work, essentially asserting that if they do not, it is the fault of the people using them, people who probably are not being genuinely open to change. I am not sure I wholly agree with this assertion. Take, for instance, one of the more outrageous methods Hendricks iterates. In brief, he claims that it is possible to channel energy within your body and use that energy to heal yourself. Say you have a headache, for example. According to Hendricks, you can channel energy within your fingers, place your fingers on your temples, and voila! No more headache. Perhaps my biggest issue here and with some of the other techniques that Hendricks purports is that his evidence relies largely on his personal experiences and those of his patients. Although he seems trustworthy on the whole, I do not find all of his bold claims entirely believable.

There are also a handful of questionable blanket statements, such as...

Visit Book Nook Reviews to read my full review of Gay Hendrick’s “Conscious Living." Happy reading! http://www.booknookrevs.com/nook/revi...
Profile Image for Coach Tony.
Author 1 book18 followers
September 15, 2020
This powerful book by Gay Hendricks will change your life if you let it. We all know the feeling of arriving at the grocery store and don't remember driving there. We would all love to think that we are more conscious than we are. This book will require you to get authentic with yourself and is worth each vulnerable moment because the payoff is getting a life you are present with to enjoy. I would nudge this up to the front of the line!
Profile Image for Joe.
521 reviews
November 7, 2021
A useful book teaching us to slow down and listen to our own desires, understand ourself, really listen to others and speak the truth otherwise or body (and mind) will carry the tension of disharmony and this will manifest in undesirable ways.

The content of the book is 5 star but it could have been better written with less reputation and sadly I found the delivery of the audio version particularly disappointing.
Profile Image for Khayra Bundakji.
56 reviews24 followers
January 14, 2023
What a friggin pleasure of a book. I took off a star because that’s how much I hated the audiobook’s narrator. The narrator was great at speaking in a way that could fit with any of the playback speed, but he ends up sounding emotionless when it’s a book about emotion.

The content is so wonderful, I’ll need more time to flesh out this review.
156 reviews15 followers
October 9, 2017
I've read a ton of self help books and this one is my favorite. Lots of great practical advice on weaving secular spirituality with daily well being. Will be re-reading this annually to squeeze out more insights and give myself a refresher.
Profile Image for Mindy.
76 reviews7 followers
November 29, 2025
I love this book. I read it once and then picked it up again for a quick review of main points, then read it earlier this year with my book club. I think this has so much valuable and practical insight.
Profile Image for Victoria.
14 reviews
December 5, 2017
I loved this book. It is easy to read and makes so much sense in how to live fully and consciously. Not falling into roles that we learned to play.
Profile Image for Brook.
7 reviews
May 8, 2019
This has some excellent material, but the author comes across as not relatable and self-absorbed.
33 reviews
Read
March 19, 2021
Several points were eye openers and others were known and good to be reminded of. Anyone else experienced this book and care to share a comment?
2 reviews
April 18, 2021
Fantastic book with ancient wisdom that you can easily apply to your life right away. a must read.
Profile Image for Jodi.
2,058 reviews34 followers
June 19, 2023
A tad too "hippy-dippy" for me.

Biggest take aways but nothing earth shattering:

There are things I can control and things I cannot control.
Appreciate things and people around me.
251 reviews26 followers
February 7, 2019
The book gives great advice on living consciously. The first part of the book is the most interesting as it links the modern principle of conscious living with ancient philosophical from Stoicism, e.g Epictetus, and Taoism (Lao Tzu). It also touches on quotes from some fringe philosophers such as Thaddeus Golas (The Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment). All of these pointers enrich the text and awakened my curiosity to reading more. My next step will be Tao Te Ching, and the writings of Epictetus with a touch of Sufi meanderings. I will get there some day.

The five principles of conscious living are also very important and relate-able: Feel all your feelings deeply; Seek your true self; Let go of the uncontrollable; We are all made of the same thing; Life is fullest when we are most true to ourselves. The author intersperses these principles with his own autobiographical experience, of turning his life around.

Some aspects near the end about his relationship with his wife, and how they keep they keep the intimate and creative connection in their married life felt like too much information, but I appreciate his honesty, and perhaps it is just my critical brain trying to find fault in something I never experienced. I might come back to it some other day if I were in a couple situation.
In my mind it is a very honest and sincere attempt to help readers follow a path of peaceful and happy living based on the author's personal human experiences as well as his professional experience as a psychologist and therapist. It resonated with me perfectly, in most parts.
Profile Image for Paulo O'Brien.
22 reviews1 follower
January 16, 2010
As the host of Pathways Interview radio for 25 years (divination.com/podcasts), which has a theme of personal and cultural transformation, I see just about everything that is promoted by publishers in the self-help category. This one takes the cake!

Hendricks and his wife are famous in the relationship arena, with several books on the subject of committed relationship, including most famously "Conscious Loving." This later work, "Conscious Living," incorporates the best of their relationship wisdom, but goes much further.

The author interlaces the story of his own life, giving the book a straightforward and interesting report of challenges that he faced and how he learned to overcome them be becoming more conscious of what he was actually doing. In addition, he offers useful techniques for using your challenges, even your weaknesses, to advantage rather than resisting the things you don't like about yourself or your life. Resistance, ironically, only further entrenches the thing resisted. Gay provides an easy technique, which I have been using to good effect since reading the book and incorporating some of his advice into my own life. Nice!
Profile Image for Janet.
74 reviews44 followers
April 6, 2013
I found Gay Hendricks at a Business and Consciousness conference in about 2000/1, in a day long seminar.

Gay's example, stories and journey were an inspiration to me on multiple levels. Meeting Gay personally and seeing that he lived his life as stated in the books were also life changing and affirming. His book, like my reading of earlier in my life, "The Road Less Traveled" provided another dimension of how to see what choices I was making, consciously and unconsciously.

In the book, Gay takes us from a great personal and historic introduction through the five required lessons followed by the inner shifts and outer moves that create a conscious life. The second half of the book deals with conscious solutions to some of the most crucial areas of real world life. After having experienced the Conscioius Loving course in Ojai, CA, I was ready for the next stage of learning that he shared in the book.
Profile Image for Nickjames.
5 reviews1 follower
July 24, 2008
Why don't you have a copy of this book? I think this is the most underrated "self-help" book of all time. I rarely see it in stores, and usually there's only one copy, but I think everyone should read it at least once or get an idea of the core concepts that Gay is sharing. He's a great teacher and I have had to buy it a couple of times, as I always give someone my copy. For sure in my top 5. Gay shares many stories and then invites the reader to try on activities from Self-Esteem, Genuine Love, Conscious Sex. Plus, The secret is a bunch of bull compared to Gay's 12 laws of manifestation. Highly recommended and take your time, it's a great savor to read.
381 reviews
August 22, 2009
I learned a lot while reading the first 2/3 of the book. The author is a psychotherapist who discovered that traditional therapy did not always help his clients. He describes specific ways that we can experience more peace, serenity, and happiness in our lives, and his ideas are profound and thought-provoking. I spent hours pondering the amazing techniques he uses to help people find inner peace and joy. The last 1/3 of the book was weak and I strongly disagreed with many of his ideas. However, because the first part of the book was so amazing, I would recommend it with a disclaimer that the last third of the book is very disappointing.
Profile Image for Rubina.
268 reviews13 followers
June 30, 2012
A definite should read...a gem of a book by Gay Hendericks, Conscious Living, teaches how we should segregate between our personas which we create as a protective mechanism while growing up and our true conscious self. If you are ready to change your perspective of life and to live life with conscious intent, this is the book to read. While what Hendericks offers may not seem to be anything new, he delivers his messages by referencing his own personal life, making the journey through this book all the more relevant and enlightening.
21 reviews
February 24, 2015
Like a few others, I was ready to give up after the first couple of sections. But I am truly glad I didn't. I have read quite a few self-help books recently, and this is one of the most thorough and honest guides one can give oneself. I particularly appreciate how Hendricks discuss conscious living through many different aspects of life, including more difficult subjects such as sex and problems in your relationship to others including your partner.

Hendricks brings up some of the most important questions in life. Read them, and make sure you answer them as well!
Profile Image for Alison.
106 reviews2 followers
April 11, 2014
This book is the follow up to Concious Loving which I also read this week. Unlike the first book this one can be read and implemented completely without your partner's participation. It would be ideal for someone without a partner, although I also think I gained a lot from this book as well even though I am partnered. I am glad that my friend recommended them to me to read.
Profile Image for Allison Sparrow.
96 reviews3 followers
February 26, 2015
pretty quick read, and nice compliment to conscious loving. main takeaway and reminder was the power of personal integrity and authenticity. Whatever unhappiness you have in your life is most likely rooted in something you have not owned up to, or admitted to yourself. It's empowering to know that you control all of the problems in your life, and are able to change them without being a victim.
Profile Image for Sloane.
10 reviews
March 12, 2010
This was one of the best self help boks that I have ever read. The only problem that I had with it was sometimes he made it seem like things can change so quickly...like how you can tell your boss that he's hurting your feelings and things will get better right then...seems a little unrealistic.
Profile Image for Elisabeth Kinsey.
106 reviews
April 5, 2008
I love the Hendricks. Concious Loving is one of the books that changed the way I approach relationships. Really think this pair are wonderfully wise people.
Profile Image for Angie Millgate.
17 reviews3 followers
Currently reading
March 2, 2009
I'm discovering that I must take this one in small chunks or I get overwhelmed...
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