Giving Up: The Last Days of Sylvia Plath

by Jillian Becker

Giving Up is Jillian Becker's intimate account of her brief but extraordinary time with Sylvia Plath during the winter of 1963, the last months of the poet's life. Abandoned by Ted Hughes, Sylvia found companionship and care in the home of Becker and her husband, who helped care for the estranged couple's two small children while Sylvia tried to rest. In clear-eyed recollections unclouded by the intervening decades, Becker describes the events of Sylvia's final days and suicide: her physical and emotional state, her grief over Hughes's infidelity, her mysterious meeting with an unknown companion the night before her suicide, and the harsh aftermath of her funeral. Alongside this tragic conclusion is a beautifully rendered portrait of a friendship between two very different women.

Genres: Biography, Nonfiction, Memoir, Poetry, Biography Memoir

48 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

About the author

Born 1932

Reviews

[Carina · Rating 1 out of 5]

Two things really annoyed me about this book.

One: I don't understand why she dedicated a chapter to the Hugheses' antisemitism. If you know anything at all about Sylvia Plath, you know that she is the opposite of antisemitic. She actually felt great empathy towards Jews (to the point where some friends commented on Sylvia's unexplainable sympathy).

Two: I do not think Mrs. Becker understands the definition of "feminism".... To be a feminist does not mean that one hates men, but that one believes that men and women should be treated equally. Sylvia understood this. Clearly, Mrs. Becker does not.

I wasted nearly an hour of my life reading this, and learned nothing.

[Rosemary Atwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

A slim and thought-provoking monograph by a fellow-poet and friend which provides additional insight into Plath's state of mind before her suicide. There's little that's new here for devotees of her work but, for me, it adds weight to the argument that Plath was a needy, fiercely egocentric, narcissistic and driven individual.
This is a very grounding character study that I reread every few years for it's succinct writing and honest, sympathetic and unvarnished approach. Recommended for stylists and lovers of clean prose.

[Olivia Loving · Rating 1 out of 5]

I want to say more than I feel prepared to write right now. But I will say that I don't think SP liked this woman very much. I wouldn't, at least. Also, she [Jillian Becker] needs to learn what "feminism" means.

[Beesley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book in which Becker sets down her knowledge of Sylvia Plath's last days and discusses those days in detail. Especially good is the chapter discussing a poem written by Ted Hughes suggesting anti-Semitic thoughts on Plath's part towards Assia Wevill. Becker makes a convincing argument that it is Hughes' anti-Semitism, and not Plath's, that oozes out of the poem, but is honest enough to include a few pieces of information that made her doubt her own conclusion. Having just finished Janet Malcolm's "The Silent Woman," which rather fawned over Hughes, Becker's steely-eyed view of Hughes is singularly refreshing. Recommended for anyone interested in Plath, anyone interested in thoughtful and concise memoirs generally, or anyone interested in accounts of relationships affected by/interrupted by suicide.

[Camila Lira Olivares · Rating 2 out of 5]

Cómo explicar que me molestó mucho este libro? La autora es insoportable, ya que si bien tiene uno que otro aporte nuevo a la biografía de Plath (sobre todo desde que el Hughes destruyó el último diario de Sylvia), el libro es super egocéntrico en intentar con demasiado esfuerzo justificar el actuar de Becker. La autora se pasa todo un capitulo eximiéndose de la culpa sobre la muerte de Plath, culpa que nadie nunca le ha dado (salvo esta señora que menciona en el libro que tiene 0 relevancia). Además, los 2 últimos capítulos son ya el colmo. Si el libro se trata de los últimos días de Sylvia Plath ¿qué punto tiene dedicar 10 páginas completas a explicar por qué Hughes era tan antisemita y le caía tan mal a Becker? Por ultimo, el capítulo final sobre Sylvia malinterpretada y utilizada por las feministas, ¿quién le dijo a la Jillian que para ser feminista hay que odiar a los hombres y detestar la maternidad? Está bien, tampoco considero que la poesía de Plath haya sido feminista, pero qué onda esa pésima explicación de las razones.
Estoy enojada con este libro, se pasa más tiempo hablando mal de Hughes (que todos sabemos que era un sacowea) que hablando de Plath.

[Paul Bryant · Rating 4 out of 5]

Once again I'm the only person to have read this teeny tiny book, booklet really - a straight account of where Sylvia was and how she was immediately before she returned to that cold flat with her kids and killed herself.
The story of SP rapidly becomes metaphorical - firstly it's a minefield of conflicting recollection, and then it's a warzone of opposite interpretation. See Janet Malcolm's brilliant "The Silent Woman" for an overview of the whole thing.

[Claudia Jordán · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is not an amazingly well-written book but it has made me learn a lot of new things about Sylvia Plath and that is all I wanted. I recommend it so much!

[Amélie · Rating 2 out of 5]

(2.5)

[Antonia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Siento que al menos unas 20 páginas están de más en este libro.
La autora menciona que quería ser poeta pero nunca pudo ser tan buena como Sylvia, y se nota, de la nada empezaba a dárselas de profunda y poética cuando no tenía nada que ver, siento que quería escribir algo parecido a un poema pero no sabía dónde meterlo así que lo puso en cualquier lado.
La verdad, la autora no me terminó de caer bien, gran parte del libro se la pasa justificándose por la muerte de Sylvia aunque nadie la culpó y no tuvo nada que ver con ella, como que se lo tomó demasiado personal cuando Sylvia no estaba ni ahí con ella, porque sí, eran amigas, pero dudo mucho que pensara en ella antes de suicidarse, y eso mismo le molestó a la autora.

“Ahora digo que yo no merecía su desdén. Otros amigos la abandonaron, hubo hombres con los que galanteó en su etapa de soledad que la menospreciaron, editores que rechazaron su novela, redactores del New Yorker que desecharon poemas suyos alegando que no los comprendían. Yo, en cambio, no la rechacé ni la ofendí nunca. Como aspirante a poeta que yo era, podía merecer que me humillase con su talento, pero no como persona con su desdén.
No dejó una nota garrapateada en el último momento para Hughes, pero le dejó su poesía sabiendo que él entendería sus últimos poemas como misivas de suicidio, no a manera de disculpa sino de acusación. A Hughes le dedicó su muerte y, a través de él, al mundo. A mí no me dedicó nada”.

A MI NO ME DEDICÓ NADA, así o más narcisista, ella misma menciona en la primera página que su amistad cubrió solamente los últimos meses de su vida, yo me pregunto qué tanto quería que le dedicara si se conocían hace nada🤡

Y para finalizar, esta ridícula dice que aunque Sylvia estaba furiosa con su padre y su ex marido, ella no odiaba a los hombres así que no era feminista, Sylvia no se autodenominó como feminista pero es innegable que sus ideas lo eran, la autora claramente no sabe lo que es el feminismo ni se molestó en investigar, siento que es como esas viejas que dicen que no son feministas porque saben cocinar y usan vestidos🤡🤡🤡
Y eso, y odio a Ted Hughes también :3

[Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd never read anything about Sylvia Plath's suicide except that it had happened. This book is an account of her last few days just before her suicide. I found the immediateness of it very sad. The author was a neighbor of Sylvia's in the UK, and Sylvia had often come down to her house just to talk. The author knew something was going very awry in Sylvia's life, but Sylvia would never say anything about it. The book narrates the last day of Sylvia's life, when she came down to the author's house distraught but unwilling to reveal any piece of what had happened. When the author's husband drove her back to her own place, he said she had been quietly crying in the car, but didn't say anything to him about it. He was evidently the last person to see her.

After reading this, I immediately downloaded Plath's collected stories, which, if they are at all autobiographical, show that Ted Hughes, her husband, was a real player, and consorted with some of the university students in his classes. I haven't finished that book yet, but I'm guessing that there were a lot of indications that Hughes was unfaithful to Plath for quite a while after they were married, and Plath either didn't pick up on it or was in denial.

The fact that the woman that Hughes left Plath for had a child with him, then also killed herself and the child a few years later, only adds a point of complete bizarreness to the whole mess. I blame Hughes for readers only getting to see Plath's work until the age of 30, when, in despair, she killed herself.

[Anna Serra i Vidal · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't know what I expected to find, but this account of Plath's last days made me realize how hard it had to be around her during this period.
It's a biased version, of course, every personal version is biased, but I don't know if I could have been there as Jillian Becker seems to have been.

[Scarleth Cáceres Parra · Rating 2 out of 5]

El único capítulo que vale la pena leer es el primero, un texto que en realidad no tiene ni pies ni cabeza.

[Pepa · Rating 2 out of 5]

He leído en dos momentos este libro. La primera parte se centra en los últimos días que pasó Sylvia Plath antes de su suicidio. La autora la acogió a ella y sus hijos en casa. Aunque no pudo hacer nada para remediar su muerte, o así lo intenta justificar en este libro. Me ha parecido muy interesante esos datos que nos cuenta y nadie sabe. Dice que las biografías de Plath no son muy fieles a la realidad.
La segunda parte, sobretodo los capítulos finales, tienen el objetivo de desmitificar a Sylvia. Esta parte no me ha gustado tanto. Sobretodo el momento en que dice que las feministas la pusieron de moda y ella no era así.
Eso sí, lanza algunos datos biográficos que yo no conocía y analiza, o da sentido a alguno de sus poemas.
El de la muerte de los hijos, unido a su propia muerte me ha parecido desgarrador.
Seguiré buscando otras maneras de entender a esta mujer. Este libro puede pasar a la historia con dos estrellas y sin pena ni gloria

[Jamie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just finished this one about an hour ago. It's quite the slim text; I read it in under two hours, in fact. I think it's a worthwhile book if you're really hardcore in either your love for Plath or your hate for Hughes. Becker certainly does play the "taking sides" game in the Plath/Hughes was--though I think she is a little less accusatory against Hughes than some have been. Her portrait of him during and after Plath's funeral was particularly disturbing--not that I think she entirely villainizes him, but the things he (allegedly) said were far more unpleasant than even I would have expected out of him. I thought her look to one of the "Birthday Letters" poems and its anti-Semitism vs. Plath's "Ariel" poems (namely, Daddy, Lady Lazarus--and the charges of anti-Semitism from critics) was actually rather illuminating. Though her logic wasn't entirely sound in her defense of Plath, I think she provided enough evidence to reject a lot of critical claims that pushed Plath into the role of the naughty Nazi. I had actually been expecting a little more from the book in terms of what Plath supposedly ranted about in her brief stay with Becker; I had read another biography that mentioned a lot of wild musings on Plath's part in her final days. Becker sort of breezed over this, but as she said, part of her mission in writing it was to dispel some of the myths that surround Plath. All in all, a quick, enjoyable read, but certainly not as substantial as I would have liked. Again, if you're a Plath fanatic, I suggest checking it out. If she's only a passing fancy, this book probably isn't worth the time.

[Iris · Rating 3 out of 5]

This reads like an essay, or a letter home, and can be read in a few hours. It's actually a really fun read, but I was really surprised to read in the author bio that Ms. Becker had written a book before, or after, this one.

The last few days of Sylvia Plath, from a little after the time of her separation from Ted Hughes to her death, were spent in the home of the author. Ms. Becker recalls, admittedly to the best of her ability, every detail of those days, from what was for dinner to what was discussed in her conversations with Ms. Plath.

Though I tend to shy away from knowing too much about artists I like, I have recently enjoyed reading about Ms. Plath. This book was a pretty good kick-start, and a rare glimpse into cool gossipy stuff like the layout of her loft, and the time she needed to take her medications. It takes a weird turn in the last few pages, where Ms. Becker begins to speculate (?) about Ted Hughes's, and perhaps even Sylvia Plath's, latent and not-so-latent anti-semitism.

Spoiler-alert: Sylvia dies.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was really interesting. Having read The Bell Jar 40 times in my teenage years I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Sylvia Plath so when I saw this tiny little book I picked it up and read it during my lunch breaks.
This is the story of Sylvia's last weekend alive through the eyes of Jillian Becker, whom Sylvia was friends with and stayed with that last weekend before she killed herself. Jillian blames Sylvia's husband Ted Hughes for Sylvia's Death. His cheating ways and lack of concern for his wife seems to really burn in her words - and I have to say her account made me kind of dislike him too.
I would recomend reading it if you are interested in Sylvia Plath. It's a really quick read and it shed's a personal light on the last weekend of Sylvia's life.

[Tori]

I did not find this book to be enlightening about Plath's last days at all. The author's main goal seems to have been giving Ted Hughes the biggest public beating and character bashing of his life.
Basically, the auther blamed Ted Hughes for being a womanizing idiot who was using both his mistress and Plath. So he was being a jerk. Thousands of women a day are dicked over by their husbands. They don't put their heads in the oven.
The last two chapters make the author sound like a bitter child and I wanted to learn more about Plath....not how big of a prick her ex husband may or may not have been.

[Shellye M. · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very short remembrance of the last days of Sylvia Plath. If you've read any of the many biographies of Plath, you'll know the outlines of Jillian Becker's memoir. Sylvia Plath and her children stayed at the Beckers for a few days, and on returning to her Fitzroy Road flat, Plath killed herself. Jillian Becker wanted a written record of her perspective of Plath as a poet, a mother and a discarded wife. She's spoken with reporters and biographers in the years since Plath died, but never makes it into print.

[Carmelo Valone · Rating 4 out of 5]

Considering I have read every single book on Plath, this was good research for one of my life's ambitions. I appreciated this book and I totally understand why she waited until Ted passed to publish this memoir. I was more enamored with the actual narrative of evens and less interested in the further analysis of if Plath was and or wasn't a feminist. I did however admire her pure honesty and forthright directness of what has been said. A tragic book in many regards .

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was interesting to read about Sylvia Plath's final days. Jillian Becker and her husband were friends with Sylvia and her husband Ted Hughes. Sylvia's neediness wore on even her closest friends. She needed so much more help than she received. At times, the book was tough reading because Becker still seemed irritated about being sucked into Sylvia's world. At one time, she thought about becoming a poet. She now never reads poetry or even wants to talk about it.

[Natalie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is worth a read if you already have background knowledge on the life (and death) Sylvia Plath but if you don't I wouldn't bother! I personally found it quite interesting but there is still so much more I want to know.

It is a tiny volume, I read it in under an hour, so it is more like a essay than a book!

[Maria Luiza · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hard to give stars to it, since it's not really meant to be a literary piece.
A true Sylvia's fan should definitely read it. Through Jillian's words the reader is able to get closer to Plath's last days, though the general feeling is that she, herself, was much distant.

[victoria · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Everyone hated her."

Good one Ted. Really.

[Donatella · Rating 2 out of 5]

La prima parte di questo piccolissimo libro è molto interessante e penso che valga la pena leggere solo questa.
Nel primo capitolo vengono raccontati i ricordi dell'autrice del weekend prima della morte di Sylvia, che trascorse a casa loro. Si trova un'intervista sul sito della BBC con gli stessi contenuti ma qui vi è una versione più estesa e dettagliata. Narra lo stato altalenante del suo umore, la depressione che le impediva di prendersi cura di se stessa e dei figli e la famosa sera precedente in cui uscì con Hughes (in cui lui probabilmente le disse che sarebbero tornati insieme). Il capitolo termina con la morte di Sylvia.
Nel capitolo successivo vengono descritte delle conversazioni fra Sylvia e l'autrice. Il terzo è dedicato al funerale a cui parteciparono solo il fratello di Sylvia, Warren, con la moglie, l'autrice ed il marito, e tutti i parenti di Hughes, che come ammise lui stesso, "la odiavano".

Gli ultimi capitoli invece li trovo delle divagazioni fuoriluogo. Uno è una sorta di "difesa" dalle accuse mosse da qualcuno nei loro confronti per averla lasciata andare a casa da sola quella sera dell'11 febbraio incapace visibilmente di badare a se stessa, ed anche uno sfogo nei confronti di biografi e giornalisti che le hanno chiesto informazioni per poi ometterle o distorcerle. Gli altri sono un'estrema divagazione puramente personale e soggettiva: il primo nei confronti di una poesia di Hughes (Dreamers) che definisce antisemita e un altro sul "mito" che si è costruito attorno alle loro figure. Per ultimo, un altro attacco personale alle Femministe, dicendo testualmente che "Sylvia non era certo una femminista, non se femminismo vuol dire disprezzare il tradizionale ruolo della donna di moglie e madre, casalinga e massaia." Secondo l'autrice, inoltre, essere femminista vorrebbe dire "odiare gli uomini"...
Credo che basti leggere qualche pagina dei diari di Sylvia (che l'autrice all'epoca del libro ha ammesso di aver comprato ma non letto), così come varie sue poesie ed in primis La Campana di Vetro con la figura di Mrs Willard, la madre di Buddy, con "il suo bel tappeto fatto a mano calpestato come gli uomini calpestano le donne che sposano dopo averle illuse con i fiori del corteggiamento", per capire che forse Sylvia non si sarebbe mai chiusa in un'etichetta (come non lo fece neanche la Woolf ad esempio) ma che rigettava sin da ragazzina quella figura di donna assoggettata ad un uomo, quella figura stereotipata come sua madre che aveva rinunciato alla sua carriera e alla sua libertà dopo il matrimonio e che voleva insegnarle a tutti i costi la stenografia per avere un lavoro sicuro, un lavoro ai dettami degli uomini, per capire che lei voleva solo essere libera, una donna intera, con una famiglia ma con il suo talento riconosciuto, voleva essere una Scrittrice non una casalinga che scrive per hobby, voleva essere salvata ed amata, naturalmente, come lei aveva amato. E lo meritava. E forse le sarebbe bastato per superare quella notte dell'11 febbraio 1963...

Inoltre, c'è un errore nel libro: Hughes è morto il 28 ottobre 1998 e pochi mesi prima di morire ha pubblicato The Birthday Letters, non nel 99 come viene scritto nel libro più volte.

[v. · Rating 3 out of 5]

quick read about sylvia plath and quite literally her last days up to her death, told by a close friend of hers. as someone who has never read sylvia's work before yet aware of the bell jar and fig tree analogy (along her very problematic, racist background) i was saddened to read about the days leading up to her suicide, and the reasoning behind it (even though we can't really confirm, though we can assume it was the reason). unaware of sylvia's ex husband and the painful marriage she had to live through, i insist i was very sad to read and imagine what she must've been going through, from the moment she decided she was going to do this, to the moment she did. very true to its simplicity, the writer and friend of sylvia gives simple insight to what happened after sylvia's death, and rightfully so narrates how much of a scumbag ted hughes continued to be until his end as well. also through this book i found out the woman he had cheated on sylvia with, also committed suicide. what are the chances. to believe that, like the author herself comments in her book, what would've been the chances, or would've sylvia been alive if she hadn't met that man, or made a life with him, or ted hughes hadn't met assia.

[Fatima · Rating 1 out of 5]

The parts one and two of this book were okay. I must admit, it's quite well written, considering the succinct account of the days following Sylvia's death and despite being this short, had quite an impact on me. The valid and so-called, "righteous" anger upon her being "more of a writer than a mother" is indeed valid, as I said.
However, the need of dedicating a whole chapter to Ted Hughes' stupid anti-semitism here didn't seem anywhere as necessary and more like an advantage to shit on him—which, by no means I'm against of— but why shove his presence here anyway?
Secondly, the final chapter of the "Myth" part had— I mustn't call it blemish, but much rather "ignorance"—regarding what feminism actually is. Well, if you ask me, before writing a book I believe that I would care at least a fair amount about the subject that I'm writing. Or if the subject appeared to be quite a bit complicated for my simplicity, in that case, I wouldn't write about it at all.
One thing, however, I'm substantially thankful about being reminded of here is the quote by Louis MacNeice:
"The sunlight on the garden hardens and grows cold/you cannot cage the minute within it's nets of gold"

[Karen Holmes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Se lee en unas pocas horas, me duró solo esa noche aunque la última parte ya la tengo borrosa. Medio sentada, medio caminando descubrí los últimos días de Sylvia Plath. Sus miedos, sus inseguridades todo visto desde los ojos de Jillian Becker, una poeta amiga que le ofreció su casa y sus oídos y que la acompañó todo lo que pudo.
No sé qué tiene Sylvia Plath para fascinarme en sus escritos. Pero luego, leo los recuerdos de aquellos días de Jillian Becker y pienso que tenía que ser terrible vivir en su propia piel, o en la de sus allegados. Que acompañarla no fue fácil y que ella lo hizo, con más o menos gracia pero lo hizo.
Plath no era una persona fácil, necesitaba atención casi constante y no podía vivir la vida que había vivido con Ted pero seguía sintiendo la necesidad de tenerlo a su lado. 💔Y también claro, odio mucho a Ted por haber provocado su muerte temprana, aunque quizás no fue Ted sino ella misma que ya no sabía como vivir en su propia piel.
No, no es fácil ser Sylvia Plath, ni acompañarla en sus últimos días. Y Jillian la acompañó.

[Sara Jothi · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not like the book.

I wonder why did she even attempt to write this. She finds Sylvia depressive beyond salvation, she disapproves of pretty much anything sylvia opines on/believes. She has a major chip about Sylvia's poetry, she finds them dull towards the end and finds Sylvia vain to have wanted fame. Her opinion on being able to hold a husband and playing home being somehow superior to one who's had their marriage broken is pretty blatant. She talks of kidney pies, whiskey, men in roads and flowers more compassionately than she does of her 'friend' who's funeral she is sitting in. It was infuriating to read.

I found the narrative apathetic, judgemental, and stuck up. It's more about Jillian Becker than it is about Sylvia. And needless to say, Jillian is the sane, deserving, greater one of the two (according to her atleast.)

There is a fine line between stating facts like facts, and being a dick. Jillian was the later.

1/5
And that would be in respect for everyone involved in making the book but the Author, I guess.

[Ben Ricketts · Rating 2 out of 5]

What could’ve been a heartfelt memoir from a friend is instead a strange jumble of borderline pop psych, completely unsubtle editorializing, and polemic against a man who the book is arguably not about.

A book this short should be cohesive. Too much space is dedicated to Hughes being anti-Semitic, when that has very little to do with the purported topic of the book. And that whole anti-feminist thing just seemed like a strange gripe retrofitted into this book.

Easily the worst parts for me were (1) the author juxtaposing Plath saying “Oh, why give anything up?” with her being “soon to give up everything,” and (2) the author connecting the method of Plath’s suicide with her questionable use of Holocaust imagery. Just an eye rolling lack of subtlety and respect.

There are very few “last days” discussed here, and a whole lot of lingering ideas belonging to the author.

At least it was quick and easily readable.

[Ketzia Buzzard · Rating 4 out of 5]

After finishing school the other day, I had an hour to kill at the library, so I picked up this book. It's easy to read in one sitting, and provides a fresh perspective on Sylvia's last days-- mainly because it's through the eyes of someone who actually knew Plath and didn't hide her own annoyances about Sylvia, even after the poet's death. This little book gets too much hate. I'm saying that because I went for a straight year being crazy about Sylvia Plath and reading everything about her I could get my hands on. To sum it up, this is a very "human" book, and I fully enjoyed getting a glimpse of what she was like to people who did their best to help her and soothe her leading up to the night she killed herself.