Sideways on a Scooter: Life and Love in India

by Miranda Kennedy

When twentysomething reporter Miranda Kennedy leaves her job in New York City and travels to India with no employment prospects, she longs to immerse herself in the turmoil and excitement of a rapidly developing country. What she quickly learns in Delhi about renting an apartment as a single woman—it’s next to impossible—and the proper way for women in India to ride scooters—perched sideways—are early signs that life here is less Westernized than she’d counted on.

Living in Delhi for more than five years, and finding a city pulsing with possibility and hope, Kennedy experiences friendships, love affairs, and losses that open a window onto the opaque world of Indian politics and culture—and alter her own attitudes about everything from food and clothes to marriage and family. Along the way, Kennedy is drawn into the lives of several Indian women, including her charismatic friend Geeta—a self-described “modern girl” who attempts to squeeze herself into the traditional role of wife and mother; Radha, a proud Brahmin widow who denies herself simple pleasures in order to live by high-caste Hindu principles; and Parvati, who defiantly chain-smokes and drinks whiskey, yet feels compelled to keep her boyfriend a secret from her family.

In her effort to understand the hopes and dreams that motivate her new friends, Kennedy peels back India’s globalized image as a land of call centers and fast-food chains and finds an ancient place where, in many ways, women’s lives have scarcely changed for centuries. Incisive, witty, and written with a keen eye for the lush vibrancy of the country that Kennedy comes to love, Sideways on a Scooter is both a remarkable memoir and a cultural revelation.

Genres: Travel, India, Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography Memoir, Asia, Biography

352 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2011

About the author

For five years, Miranda Kennedy reported from across South Asia for National Public Radio and American Public Media's Marketplace Radio. From her base in New Delhi, she covered the conflicts in Afghanistan and Pakistan, and other major stories across Asia.

She wrote extensively about women, caste, and globalization in India, and her stories have appeared in publications like The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, The Nation and Slate Magazine. On returning to the US, she moved to Washington D.C. to work as an editor at National Public Radio's Morning Edition."

Reviews

[Ahtims · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was an interesting read. But I have many issues with this book, especially as it is non-fiction. I am a resident Indian and I was shocked to see the India portrayed here. Brahmins, with one or two exceptions, are shown as narrow minded, caste conscious group - they loathe to eat food made by non Brahmins, they still are class conscious, they have antipathy towards Muslims. I am a Brahmin, and the only brahmin-like behavior I have is being a vegetarian (that too not a 'pure veg' as I eat eggs, onions, mushroom etc.) I, my extended family or the people I know have never considered another person's caste or religion before being friends with them, eating at their homes, or eating food cooked by them. Agreed, I have 2 maids, and they supposedly belong to lower caste, but there is no discrimination from either sides. I sit at the same table with my driver at restaurants. So I was horrified to read the author saying High class hindus never do these things. Or is it just a creed of Delhi elites that behave such way? One thing I do agree is that even now older generation prefers their children to marry within caste and community, dowry system is still rampant, though many do not seek or give dowry and they are comfortable with an 'arranged' marriage. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the book. I enjoyed viewing India through the eyes of a foreigner. I enjoyed the satire, I sympathized with the female characters. It was a good read.

[The Tick · Rating 3 out of 5]

My biggest issue with this book was that some of it was...not inaccurate, but so generalized and oversimplified that it can lead the reader to jump to inaccurate conclusions. I noticed this most when she was talking about Hindi films because they're one of my big passions, but it was true in other sections of the book as well. There was at least one genuine inaccuracy, too--she claims at one point that Shah Rukh Khan has never kissed in a movie, but he has (in Maya Memsaab, one of his early films). Not a huge deal (actually, really minor, but I'm a nitpicker by nature), but this book came out recently enough that the author could have easily Googled it--it's a fairly infamous movie.

I was also bothered by the Hindi transliterations in this book--many of them are terrible (and, yes, I really am that nitpicky). I don't know if that was the author, but it didn't help with the experience. She also had a grammar mistake at one point: "Mehre patee aungi" is incorrect, as "aungi" is actually conjugated for the first person female singular. It should be "aayenge" or "aayega," depending on how much you want to respect your husband.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first stumbled across this book, I was expecting a one-country remix of the hugely popular Elizabeth Gilbert memoir Eat, Pray, Love. The subtitle “Life and Love in India” makes it sound a bit like another cliche rendition of the “American girl has heart broken, moves abroad, meets new people, finds self, and then finds love again” travel memoir that publishers have been snatching up lately. So let’s make this clear from the get go: Sideways on a Scooter is not that sort of book and to try to lump it in that category is to do it a great disservice. This is less a story about Miranda Kelly looking for love and more about the role of love (or lack thereof) in the lives of Indian women. A professional journalist, Kennedy moved to Delhi in the years after the attacks on September 11. Seeking to exercise her independence and cut her teeth as a foreign correspondent, Kennedy immediately finds that even the most straightforward task--finding an apartment--can be complicated as a single woman in India. And it is through this lens of being female that Kennedy offers some of her most intriguing insights into modern life in India. Through her own experiences and those of the female friends that she makes and servants who come into her life, Kennedy explores the issues of dating (and the rise of online dating) and marriage, the depictions of females in Bollywood films, the role of fashion (traditional vs. Western), the expectations held for women by their own families and those they marry into, and the limitations placed on them by caste distinctions and society. Each of these topics is more revealing than the last. Whether she is discussing the stigma attached to having “boyfriends” or getting divorced, the deep prejudices that still divide society, or the restrictions placed by society on unmarried women, Kennedy has much to tell. And I found that as a reader, I had much to learn from her. So much of what we hear today about modern India is focused on call centers or the technology explosion in Bangalore. Seeing how the day-to-day plays out in the rest of the country will fascinate anyone who loves to travel and see how people live around the world as well as anyone who is interested in international women’s issues. Sideways on a Scooter is a very accessible and readable glimpse into life, especially as a woman, in the world’s largest democracy.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

A pleasant surprise, so 3.5★

I was fully expecting this to be a light, quick read of a fairly routine offering of the type where the author has taken herself off to some random place to find herself - then does - and writes a book about it. At first it looked very much to be heading in that direction, Going to India was like a rite of passage, entwined with my very idea of myself. Although the decision didn’t make much sense to my friends, I had an idea that I would become my fullest, most interesting self there.
But I soon realised that the 'life and love' of the subtitle is only a little bit about the author and mostly about a small group of local women who played a significant role in Kennedy's life during the five years she lived in Delhi.

There's Geeta, the friend who lives in an apartment downstairs, a modern Indian girl who is looking like being left on the shelf in her late 20s. Then there's Parvati, a heavy-smoking, hard-drinking political journalist, who hides her boyfriend from her family because he's married to someone else. Radha, Kennedy's widowed, high-caste maid with teenage children, rounds out the ensemble of major characters. Along the way we also meet the gym ladies and various other working women.

The common threads here are caste and marriage, and I would say that I learned a lot about both. (I mean Indian marriage specifically, arranged or otherwise - Ungracefully called “love-cum-arranged marriages” in Indian English, these are Indian marriages with Western influences, like Pakistani-style democracy or capitalism with Chinese characteristics.) We get a bit of insight to the process of negotiating an arranged marriage, including dowry, and then the whole palaver of the wedding itself, and the subsequent effect of wedding-debt.

After seeing her friends' situations resolved one way or another, Kennedy decided it was time for her to leave. If I stuck around for decades...I might always linger on the edges of the place—either wistfully trying to belong, or...rejecting the idea of belonging.

Recommended for anyone with an interest in the Indian expat experience, or a sense of curiosity about arranged marriage, Indian-style.

[Zhiqing · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being a regular listener to NPR's Marketplace (despite its frequent China bashing)over the years, I always find myself wondering how NRP's foreign correspondents such as Frank Langford, Miranda Kennedy, Louisa Lim, Anthony Kuhn got their gigs in the first place and what their lives are like in the countries they report from. In Miranda Kennedy's case, this is a very entertaining and at times frustrating account of her attempts to assimilate into Indian society and her friendships with many women she befriended there. What surprised me most is how deeply rooted the caste system is in every aspect of the Indian life, and how it affects practically everything from the time a person is born. Marriage is another topic that begs for suspension of disbelief. For most women, whether the upper caste Brahmins or the lowly Untouchables, a marriage is no doubt the single most significant event of their lives and what leads to a marriage in a caste obsessed society (matchmaking, dowry negotiation, the extravagant wedding) is just too comical for a foreigner to comprehend. I enjoyed the stories of all the women in this book, particularly Geeta's story that could practically be used for the plot of a Bollywood movie staring Shar Rukh Kahn. My only complaint about this book is that I wish Miranda Kennedy could write more about her own story and her reporting trips for NPR to various parts of South Asia.

[Tara Chevrestt · Rating 2 out of 5]

First of all, I get that this is a memoir.. but even with a memoir, the narrator can SHOW the story if they choose. This entire memoir is TOLD. Telling makes for very dull reading and I'm sorry to say I fell asleep trudging along thru this one.

Good idea, just poor execution in my opinion. Three women in India from three different situations, all trying to be independent. However, the book at times comes across as a travel brochure for India and a history textbook on Indian history.

I did find myself fascinated by some things, such as women not being able to rent places if they are single and the caste system, her two different "servants," the garbage collector being the lowest caste and the maid being the higher.

Nevertheless, the things of interest still didn't prevent me from nodding off. I had to skim in order to make it to the end as a review was required.

[Jaylia3 · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fascinating, insightful book—as gripping as a good novel—because it gives the reader an intimate glimpse into the hearts and minds of several Indian women navigating their lives in a country that’s still bound by caste and tradition but modernizing at a dizzying pace. There’s lively, charismatic Geeta, a “modern girl”, who is nevertheless torn between hoping for a marriage arranged by her parents and finding herself a love match. Parvati, another highly opinionated friend of author Miranda Kennedy, chain smokes in spite of its stigma and has more contemporary notions about caste, love and marriage, but because of her unique situation these ideas are influenced by living in a reality that is very different from that of most Americans. Besides these friends, Kennedy had two household servants whose lives she becomes deeply involved in, one a proud but poverty stricken Brahmin from India’s highest caste and the other a Dalit or “untouchable” from what has traditionally been the lowest rank in Indian society. We also meet the friendly Muslim and Hindu women at the fitness center Kennedy frequents who are generally more interested in having a chance to relax and socialize than they are in exercising.

Miranda Kennedy met these women and became part of their lives while she lived in Delhi for more than five years. She had dreamed about India, and wanted to go there herself, for most of her life. In her family that journey had become something of a tradition since first her great-aunt Edith traveled there as a missionary and later her hippie parents wandered around the subcontinent. When the September 11 attacks happened Kennedy was a radio reporter in Manhattan and she spent weeks sleeping, eating and working at the studio, which was just a few blocks from the World Trade Center, afraid that if she left the NYC police would not allow her back in. Afterwards, burnt out on hourly news reporting, and wanting to follow the story in a more in-depth way from Afghanistan she managed to get a small grant to train radio reporters in South Asia. It wasn’t much money, just enough to get her started and after that she had no guarantee of work.

Everyone advised her to wait, and work her way up to be a foreign correspondent within the system, but like her peripatetic family before her Kennedy felt the need to shake her life up and go somewhere she hoped she could become her fullest, most interesting self.

With Delhi as her home base Kennedy reported on some of the biggest South Asian stories of the time, including the war in Afghanistan, unrest in Pakistan and the 2004 tsunami, but it isn’t her adventures as “super reporter girl” that make up the bulk of this volume. It’s Kennedy’s account of her struggle to find the right balance between work and love, and the way that quest was deeply and surprisingly influenced by the Indian people, especially the women, that she became close to, that is the larger and far more fascinating part of the book.

This is the second book written by a female NPR reporter who spent time living in South Asia that I’ve read in the last few months, and I also highly recommend Lisa Napoli’s book on Nepal, Radio Shangri-La.

[David Peters · Rating 3 out of 5]

It took me quite a while to come to terms with this book. While it was quite readable and I liked the author (which is not necessarily required, but very helpful in a memoir), something just did not click with me. At first I figured it must be because she was so young, and usually young people have no place writing a memoir. But Ms. Kennedy was actually living a pretty interesting life in a country I am quite curious about. Kennedy was a freelance reporter living as a single (western) woman in India.

I eventually figured it out, the story has no narrative. While the author moves to India and slowly adjusts to the culture and customs, and makes friends with several locals before eventually returning home, there is no sense of accomplishment. Typically a story will have a purpose, and a memoir especially will demonstrate some climax that makes the telling of a life story a worthwhile trip. It would be like How I Met Your Mother ending the series without ever showing us Ted meeting his wife. An enjoyable show to be sure, but we would feel let down with the experience.

That said the book was filled with interesting side trips and tidbits that made the read interesting. My favorite thought was the statement on arranged marriages. They are like starting with a pan of cold water on a low heat; it will eventually build to a passionate boil over time. Westerners insist on the rolling boil before you marry someone and that has nowhere to go except to cool off. Given the divorce statistics of a typical western marriage as compared to an arranged marriage I must agree they have a good point.

I also learned just how impossible it is for a single woman to get her own apartment in India with it generally accepted that any female wanting to do that must be a whore. This is not just one or two bad, old fashioned landlords; it is pretty much universal. The author had to lie that she had a husband and he would be joining her later. Another cultural belief is that cats are generally considered evil and as such are avoided whenever possible. I asked a few of my Indian coworkers to confirm that which they did.

Finally I found the back and forth on the caste system fascinating. I was reminded in part of how we Americans are always trying to separate ourselves from each other with the belief one is superior to the other. Like the way southerners are stereotyped – just think about the last time you heard a southern accent – what did you immediately think about the person? It seems in India they have a whole cultural segregation that is understood and passively enforced by everyone. Interestingly a person’s financial status is not enough to bridge the gap between classes. Her maid was of a higher class and thus she had an attitude that defied her job status.

You should definitely read this book if you have an interest in India as the side stories a worth it. But if you are looking for some sort of life lesson or accomplishment by the author then this book misses the mark. On balance I would say this book is worth reading, but do not move it to the top of the to read pile.

[Nags · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very long book but maybe justified considering the subject. There's a lot of the usual stuff - firangi in India facing issues, etc. However, the author lives in a non-expat locale, has Indian friends and lives the Indian life for a few years complete with 3-4 maids/help around the house and the rest of it. She speaks of a lot of things that affected her or made an impact and most of them are predictable. In fact, I learned a bunch of stats and details about Bollywood and poverty in India that I wasn't aware of before.

One thing I would highlight is this. The author speaks about a lot of things with apparent disdain. In fact, she hardly describes anything without seeming alarmed/disgusted/put off by it. However, in a sentence towards the end of the month, she says she has an affinity towards Bollywood and I was surprised. So all this while she was describing the mustards fields in DDLJ with affection rather than amusement or disgust? Interesting.

An average read, but the book is just too big to waste your time on if you have better things in your to-read list.

[Stacy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have you ever fantasized about quitting your job and moving to Asia? If so, reading this book is a decent substitute for actually doing so. Miranda is an ambitious, commitment-phobic New Yorker who leaves behind her life to settle in Delhi, India and try to establish herself as a foreign correspondent.

What she finds is a country of contradictions where change sometimes seems to occur as slowly as it did thousands of years ago. Just as I suspected in my college days of Bollywood film watching, the real India has little to do with the movies, although Bollywood movies do reveal interesting insights into Indian mentality.

The title of the book, “Sideways on a Scooter”, refers to the socially-approved method for women to ride a scooter in India. Metaphorically, it describes India as a country - straddling both new technology, modernity and economic promise, and prim Victorian morality and ancient religious and social customs. It’s an uncomfortable position for many women, including the ones who Miranda meets and befriends whilst living in Delhi.

The novel could have become a rambling memoir, but is tightly focused around one issue, the central theme of Indian life: love, marriage, and women’s issues. The author weaves her own relationship story through the tapestry of the lives of all the local women she comes to know in Delhi, including neighbors, intellectuals, and an extensive list of domestic servants (which are as basic to living in caste-oriented India as a refrigerator would be in America).

I did get a little bugged by the British author’s over-the-top shame concerning her aunt, who had lived in India as a Christian missionary. I mean, I get that it’s not politically correct anymore to try to “convert the heathen”, and that her aunt felt that British Christianity was civilized and good and everything else was evil, but... Come on, the woman left behind everything familiar and comfortable and dedicated her life to service of untouchables and the uncared for lowest members of Indian society. I felt like she should be proud of that heritage. But perhaps an inheritance of shame comes with the British birthright in a post-colonial world.

Overall, I would recommend the book. The prose is engaging and tightly written - it reads like one long NPR story detailing the state of modern India. Not surprisingly, the author is an NPR contributor.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I picked up Miranda Kennedy's Sideways on a Scooter I expected the book to be about the author's experiences in adapting to a culture vastly different from what she was accustomed. Thankfully, much of the book does not follow the author, as I found myself liking Kennedy less and less with every turn of the page. The book does delve heavily into India's cultural differences and traditions, especially those concerning marriage and caste. Fortunately, however, Kennedy begins focusing more on how these traditions affect her friends Geeta and Parvati and her maid Radha. It is these friends of hers that give the book color and really show how India has changed and stayed the same over the years and how India's foray into modernization has affected--and not affected--everyday life.
Despite Kennedy's occasional detours to discuss her many, many love affairs which have no bearing whatsoever on the story and easily could have been omitted, Sideways on a Scooter was interesting and easy to read. Except for a few sentences ending in prepositions (a pet peeve of mine), the book is well-written.
This book provides some good insights on life in India. It would be better, however, if Kennedy left out a few of those concerning love.

[MaryannC Victorian Dreamer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I so badly wanted to continue this. I liked reading about Indian culture and it gave me more insight than I thought I knew. The author knows her stuff. But, halfway thru this I just gave up. Sometimes it just droned on and on.

[J. Muro · Rating 5 out of 5]

After having read this beautiful book, it's made me decide to officially become an armchair traveller of India-this book has completely quenched all thirsts of my curiosity of all things India. Nice job. Will stick to books and Bollywood, happily-

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent armchair living in India book. Learned so many facts I did not know about India.

[Barb · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a fascinating book written by a journalist who lives in India for more than a decade. Although, it is not a thriller or page turner, it details every day life from a woman’s perspective. I found it so interesting!

[Joan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read an advance, uncorrected copy of this book which I received as a Goodreads giveaway. Thanks all! My schedule, which has recently been quite busy at work and home did not include any long trips, so this book languished on my 'to read pile' for too long.

Comparisons to 'Eat, Pray, Love' will certainly be made, but this is a different book. Miranda Kennedy was a reporter who moved to India without an assignment with the goal of living there for some time, eventually practicing her craft. So while 'Eat, Pray, Love' included a section on India in search of self, 'Sideways on a Scooter' has life in India, particularly for women, as the main focus.

This is an interesting, compelling autobiography set in New Delhi, with occasional visits to other locations. It covers the 5 years that the author lived in Delhi, coinciding with the author's ages 27 to 32. India had always intrigued the author. Miranda's parents had visited India when her father had won a Fulbright scholarship to be a lecturer at the University of Karachi. Her aunt Edith had been a missionary in India between 1930 and 1966 and Miranda's home contained many decorations from her parent's travels and when she or her sisters complained about not having things other children had their mother would use the life style of Mahatma Gandhi as an example.

The book includes many helpful facts to provide context to the narrative. None of my high school history courses included much about Asia, other than Japan, and my education in university was limited to the sciences. The book also provides social observations that provide a better understanding of some of the choices the various people make in their lives. We are introduced to several individuals who are friends or staff. Joginder Ram is a building caretaker who introduces himself to Miranda shortly after she finds an apartment. He lives with his wife and three children on the porch and alley of Miranda's building. He encourages Miranda to hire Radha, a widow with three children who is a Brahmin from the same region as Joginder. We learn much about the difficulties of widows, who don't speak English and have limited opportunities for employment through Radha. Radha, because of her cast, will not pick up trash and will not look after Miranda's two cats, so Maneesh, a member of the Valmiki subcast of the untouchables that traditionally dispose of human waste, is hired. We also meet Geeta who is Miranda's neighbour and through their interactions insight into the restrictions of women, even those who are education and could be independent, in Indian society. We learn that it is generally not acceptable for single women to live alone, so Geeta has moved in with the grandmother of family friends. Geeta is originally from the northern state of the Punjab. We also meet Parvati who is one of Delhi's political reporters. Parvati is a most unusual woman. She is not married but has a long time boyfriend, Vijay, who is also a political reporter.

The experiences that are described in the book include the small every day tasks of meal preparation, laundry and getting around the crowded metropolis, both from Miranda's perspective as well as that of her maids and friends. We learn about the importance of family and marriage as Radha's 16 year old daughter is married and as Geeta negotiates through the challenges faced by an older (31 year old) woman finding a mate. We learn about death and funeral rituals when Maneesh's husband becomes ill and dies.

A wonderful book!

[K.J. Dell'Antonia · Rating 4 out of 5]

The cover of Miranda Kennedy's Sideways on a Scooter, with its lanky Western woman walking, Abbey Road style, between two women in bright pink traditional Indian dress, suggests the all-India version of Eat, Pray, Love. So does the subtitle: "Life and Love in India." In fact, there's a blurb on my copy assuring me that "if you liked Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love, you have to read this book."

I did like Eat, Pray, Love, but if you buy the book expecting Kennedy to do little but dish up her life's most complex emotions and dissect them in the light of her exotic setting, you'll be surprised, although probably not disappointed. Kennedy, who lived in New Delhi for five years while reporting from across South Asia for NPR and American Public Media, limits her personal story to how her experience in India changed her, and although she's frank about saying that India's family-centric culture made her reconsider her own reserve and her choice of a career (as a war and conflict reporter) custom-made for loners, drifters, and swashbucklers, she's not one to strew herself, sobbing, across the pages. She's just slightly guarded, as befits someone who wants to keep her day job. But her reserve lets India, and the women she meets there, take center stage.

And as interesting as Kennedy's adventures are: renting an apartment and being taken for a prostitute, succumbing to India's demand that she hire servants and learning that her Western "hippie" wardrobe (contrary to that picture on the cover) earns her no respect from the people around her, it's in her relationships with the women she's befriended by in various degrees that she's able to see, and share, a view of India that's seen by few feringhees (Hindi slang for a white foreigner). She works out at a women's gym otherwise populated entirely by Indian women more intent on getting out of their restrictive homes than on breaking a sweat. She helps a friend create an online profile for an arranged-marriage website, and later serves as her bridesmaid in a two-week-long wedding extravaganza (her friend is upset that Kennedy can't come to live with her at her parents' home for the entire three-month period of wedding prep). For that, she's mocked by her other close Indian friend, a modern fellow reporter, for trying to be too open-minded about what the friend considers to be archaic Indian customs—but even that most Westernized woman proves to still be very caught up in India's conservative culture underneath her professional facade.

Sideways on a Scooter is a memoir with a hundred other stories within its pages; I was as interested in following Kennedy's stories about her maid and the girl who wiped down the machines at the gym as I was in Kennedy's own fate. Kennedy herself is at her most absorbing when trying to figure out what brought her to India in the first place, and who she might become if she stayed. I put the book down as sorry to leave Kennedy's India as she was, but fully understanding why she had to go. It's true: if you liked Eat, Pray, Love, you'll probably enjoy Sideways on a Scooter. But if you didn't like the now-iconic EPL, you might be someone who'll like Sideways even more.

This review also appeared as the DoubleX book of the week on Slate.

[Ashley W · Rating 3 out of 5]

For the most part I'd say I enjoyed this book. I wouldn't really consider this a travel/tourist memoir, rather an inside look at the lives of a group of women living in Delhi, India. It differs from a typical travel memoir because it is written not over the course of a vacation lasting a few weeks, but over a period of several years of immersive culture on the author's part.

The travel bug in me wishes that there had been more description of the visuals of India and its landmarks and whatnot, the things I would experience had I actually been there. Instead, the book is very streamlined to focus only on the lives of, and mostly relationships of the same group of women. I do like that the women all came from different circumstances (different castes, religions, family situations, etc.) It provided for a wide look at how the circumstances of one's birth can outline the course of their entire lives. Also I liked that because the author lived there, and got to know these women for several years, we got to see how their situations progressed over a period of time.

I do have to say, about two thirds of the way through, I started to lose a little bit of interest. Through the last couple chapters I'd done a bit of skimming. Though the women and their stories were quite compelling, I was looking for more than just the one aspect of love/marriage. I would have like to have read more about the culture beyond that.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I FINALLY read this! I've had it on my shelf for years. It was interesting to read Miranda's experience. It sounds like she was pretty honest with herself and her reader about some of the things she wrestled with while she was there (Love and arranged marriage, caste system, etc.) I liked that she tried to understand / represent the different viewpoints of her friends and the other people she met. This book made me curious about what a person from India would think about how she represented the things she talked about. Additionally, I wonder how much has changed since this book was written. Basically, I'm saying I want to read more about India...

[Kylie Young · Rating 5 out of 5]

I fell in love with this book and felt like I was there with her.

I thought I knew much about Indian culture from several Indian girlfriends, however their modesty and strength to just get on with things ensures their struggles are omitted from their stories.

I have a new understanding of their culture. I feel like I understand my Indian friends when they complain about silly things like hiding eggs from their in laws or how it feels like details are tip toed around or left out of their wedding days for example.
I feel for the most part, this book has filled in the gaps of their stories and I love that I can understand them better.

I loved the use of Indian language sprinkled throughout. My janemans and deedees (my friends) have taught me some of these words and I found this a lovely addition.

Judging by other reviews, perhaps not everyone will find this book exact or truthful but this is one experience of India; This is someone's truth.

[B · Rating 4 out of 5]

A memoir of a few years spent living in Delhi, this journalist in particular follows the lives of several women including friends and maids, opening up the world of contemporary Indian culture and showing that the caste system, poverty,and ancient customs still affect women's lives there, even with some improvements from globalization. Told with humor, although some aspects of Indian life, (the glaring poverty for people and animals), are just plain sad. I give her alot of credit for affecting many lives there in a positive way, (tutoring, etc.) and bringing home to the states several stray cats.

[Nancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

The best travel books are a judicious mix of description, analysis, and navel-gazing. This one had too much navel-gazing for my tastes, especially since it was of the hackneyed variety. I was looking for more about life in modern India in general and less about chick issues. Ultimately, the author had nothing especially insightful to say and the stories she told would have benefited from major pruning.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an interesting book on women in India - dating, love, and responsibility. After reading this I realize that women are still a long way from achieving equality. One of the interesting themes throughout the book is the struggles of women trying to figure out how to be modern yet traditional and respectful.

[S. Wigget · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautifully written and personal memoir full of informative and insightful information about Indian culture, by an American author who lived in Delhi for about five years. She cites numerous books and Bollywood films--I'm inspired to read the books she mentions (listed in the bibliography), and watched some of the films she writes about.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this! I got a great feel for what life is like in modern day India, and let me tell you, it sounds like hell on earth! But fascinating. Especially interesting to hear about the whole marriage process. Hard to believe arranged marriages are still going on.

[Manda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although I enjoyed and expected to be reading about the lives of the Indian people that she interacted with for five years while living in Delhi, I actually found myself even more curious about the author's life and work experiences.

Someone, please come with me to India!

[Elisabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unlike "Dreaming in Hindi," which I also liked, this book was more of a commentary on contemporary women's roles in Indian society. The title refers to how good girls ride sideways, not astride, a scooter, like women used to ride sidesaddle on horses...

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I meant to read this before going to India but didn't make it as far into my reading list as planned. Reading it after may have been better, though: instead of feeling like I started with preconceived notions from this book, I instead got to have my observations confirmed and explained. I asked our guide everything from why so many women wore cumbersome saris for manual labor but men wore jeans to whether a lot of wives were unhappy moving into their husbands households because of the classic mother-in-law conflict, but he looked at me like he had never considered these things before and then said ridiculous things like saris are useful for housework because you can pull the pallu over your face while dusting.

This book, on the other hand, addresses these questions and more. Kennedy moves to Delhi as a freelance reporter, befriends middle-class women who are trying to live their lives differently than prescribed, and learns just how hard it is to be a woman alone in India. Essentially, women wear saris for impractical tasks because they get more respect than when they wear salwar kameez, as it is the "proper" attire for a married woman. And yes there is a huge problem with a woman moving into her husband's home (saas-bahu conflict), especially with the family's traditional expectations of what the wife should wear and do, even if the husband is more liberal. Her maid's daughter becomes unpaid labor, with her MIL yelling at her constantly, while her friend becomes a bird in a gilded cage, pampered but never allowed out because that would reflect poorly on the family. I was surprised too by the ubiquity of dowry. I knew it was illegal but still common, but in Kennedy's experience it is everywhere, no matter your class or modernization. Not spending enough on a wedding brings shame to the family, and wedding loans are one of the only ways for the poorest to get the funds, launching them into debt for the rest of their lives.

One of her friends is a reporter who is in a relationship with a man but has to pretend to everyone that they are friends, living in separate apartments and never showing affection in public. Another friend was "boyfriended" in college, which sounds harmless but is actually devasting for a woman's reputation. She eventually turned down his proposal because he wanted her to move in with his family, start wearing traditional clothes, and have no job, even though their life at college was very different from this. So then he tried to ruin her reputation by lying to her father that they had had *gasp* sex. (Luckily daddy was on his daughter's side and it didn't work.)

Kennedy's personal experiences as a ferenghi lady are also interesting. No one will rent an apartment to her until she pretends her (made-up) husband will be coming later; her gynecologist when she asks for birth control goes on a campaign to convince her she should have children; and she hides her affairs from her maids for fear of doing them in with the shock.

I got a pretty grim picture of women's rights from spending time in India, and Kennedy's experience, though now 20 years ago, still feels relevant. Things may be changing, but they're not changing quickly.

And yet even with all of this India has had a female head of state. Come on, America.

Other interesting notes:
"The newspapers regularly chronicled incidents of 'eve-teasing,' the Indian euphemism that has its root in the biblical story of Eve and that makes sexual harassment sound much less serious than it is. In fact, government statistics show that violence against women has actually risen since 2003. Probably due to more women entering the workplace and other public spaces, rape cases rose by more than 30 percent; kidnapping or abduction cases increased by over 50 percent."
"English wine is actually a catchall term for Indian-made Foreign Liquor, clumsy Indian bureaucratese that is commonly shorthanded to 'IMFL' by English-speaking Indians. It is branded under familiar names, such as Smirnoff and Gordon's, but it pretty much all tastes the same because most of it is distilled from molasses rather than the grain or juniper berries that are used in the West to make vodka and gin."
"You wouldn't know it from educated middle-class circles in Delhi and Mumbai, but fewer than a third of Indians speak English."

[Bonnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Published in 2011 about lived experiences some years before that, this book is over a decade out of date. I'm unsure how much India has changed since then, but this book is nonetheless a fascinating time capsule view of one small part of India from one outsider's perspective.

Author Miranda Kennedy is a reporter looking for her big life adventure. She moves to Delhi without a job or support network lined up, hoping that she can produce stories she can sell to news outlets. It's an initial culture shock, but Kennedy eventually settles in and even finds a stable job with NPR.

The best part of this book are the Indian women that Kennedy befriends. found myself incredibly invested in all of their life stories. I would love a Where Are They Now update of what their lives are like in the 2020s. There's Radha, Kennedy's opinionated maid who is proud of her Brahmin caste even though her life circumstances force her to earn a living by cleaning (usually a lower caste role); Parvati, a hard-bitten journalist who lives an unconventional life with her fellow journalist Vijay - they never plan to marry or have kids, which is shocking in traditional India; there's Geeta, who loves being a modern city girl who wears miniskirts and has a job, but also wants an arranged marriage and traditional life as a wife; and Azmat, an orphaned Muslim teenager who loves to gossip and works as a cleaner at a women-only gym while she waits for her older brother to find an appropriate husband for her. There are other women as well, but it is these women (especially the triad of Radha, Parvati, and Geeta) who we learn the most about.

My favorite parts were the discussions of caste, servant-master relationships, and arranged marriages, which are all parts of the human experience I have no personal experience with (nor have I talked with anyone who has shared that they have experience with any of these). While these have all been common in human history (substituting "class" for "caste"), they are absent in my WASPy middle-class modern day PNW American life. Kennedy discusses not only her experiences with these, but also how her Indian friends discussed them. I would love to read more books about any of these topics, especially from people who grew up in the culture.

[Liralen · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me a bit of time to get into this, but I ended up finding it quite engaging. Kennedy spent more than five years in Delhi, giving her ample time to get past the basics of living in a different culture and to get to know the people around her. She must have spent significant time with other expats, but her mentions of reporting are more side notes and added context than anything, and the bulk of the story focusses more on the lives of the Indian women in Kennedy's orbit: a neighbour-turned-friend, two domestic workers, a woman she gets to know at a news club. In many ways, I think, they represent a few pieces in the puzzle of a gradually shifting India—Geeta, the neighbour, has led an independent life in Delhi but is prepared to assume more traditional 'wife' roles when (late, by local standards) she marries; Radha and Maneesh, the women who worked for her, are resigned to their limited status in life but have hopes for the next generation; and Parvati earns her living and lives alone but has a male 'friend', something that her family has—tacitly, reluctantly—come to accept.

It's partly India as it must always have been and part a changing culture, I suppose. These four women make up such a tiny proportion of experiences and possibilities and outlooks, but it's still fascinating to see this sense of...oh, of what huge differences exist, perhaps, and how many different worlds can be contained within even a small part of a city. I also appreciated that Kennedy was willing to expose some of her less pretty moments: not dwelling on them, not excusing them, but acknowledging moments she wasn't proud of as part of the truth of the story. So...a slow start for me, yes, but ultimately it pulled me in.