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Make Peace With Anyone: Breakthrough Strategies to Quickly End Any Conflict, Feud, or Estrangement
Make Peace with Anyone is the first book that shows readers how to quickly resolve any situation, no matter how long it's been going on, or how many people are involved. The techniques and psychological strategies presented here are simple, easy to understand, and work...fast. In this book readers will learn how
*End any family feud
*Get an apology from anyone
*Jumpstart any relationship or friendship
*Handle any passive-aggressive person
*Get the respect you deserve from anyone
*Dramatically improve any relationship
*Get anyone to forgive you for anything
*Align anyone to your way of thinking
Dr. David J. Lieberman provides the path to permanent peace and will show you the way to Make Peace with Anyone .
*End any family feud
*Get an apology from anyone
*Jumpstart any relationship or friendship
*Handle any passive-aggressive person
*Get the respect you deserve from anyone
*Dramatically improve any relationship
*Get anyone to forgive you for anything
*Align anyone to your way of thinking
Dr. David J. Lieberman provides the path to permanent peace and will show you the way to Make Peace with Anyone .
192 pages, Paperback
First published January 12, 2002
52 people are currently reading
453 people want to read
About the author
David J. Lieberman
41 books304 followersDavid J. Lieberman, PhD, is a renowned psychotherapist and the author of eleven books, including the New York Times bestsellers Get Anyone to Do Anything and Never Be Lied to Again. He has trained personnel in the U.S. military, the FBI, the CIA, and the NSA, and his instructional video is mandatory for psychological operations graduates.
He teaches government negotiators, mental health professionals, and Fortune 100 executives, and has appeared as a guest on more than 300 television and radio programs, including the Today show, NPR, and The View.
He teaches government negotiators, mental health professionals, and Fortune 100 executives, and has appeared as a guest on more than 300 television and radio programs, including the Today show, NPR, and The View.
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
August 3, 2012
So I originally picked this up with a specific conflict in mind, but it was so good I kept reading. Perhaps it's reverse psychology at work, but it seems like it's designed to work on YOUR attitude instead of the person you're in conflict with, which seems quite effective. There were a few recommendations I wouldn't agree with and some of his suggestions didn't seem very Christian, oh and a random spelling error, but otherwise a great book and one that I think I'll actually remember as future conflicts arise.
January 7, 2018
This is a self-help book on how to positively resolve the intractable differences that sometimes arise in our relationships, whether it is with family or friends or on the job. There is even a section on how to help resolve the differences between other people.
As with Dr. Lieberman’s other books, this one consists of a series of short sections covering various types of interpersonal situations with suggested steps to bring them under control. Although the sections are no longer than in the other books, they seem to be more to the point somehow. Perhaps because the focus is narrower. Many of the suggested steps for the various types of disagreements are similar or exactly the same, but a lot of this is because the causes are often similar despite the differences in the situations.
Some of the frequently suggested steps for resolving conflicts include apologizing, demonstrating respect, showing regret and pain, and asking for forgiveness. You will rarely make much headway in ending a conflict if you insist that you are totally in the right and that the other person must yield to your control.
Additionally, he includes a better definition of respect, self-respect, and self-esteem than I have seen anywhere else.
This book is good enough that I may just keep it. After all, who doesn’t occasionally need to be able to resolve their conflicts with other people?
As with Dr. Lieberman’s other books, this one consists of a series of short sections covering various types of interpersonal situations with suggested steps to bring them under control. Although the sections are no longer than in the other books, they seem to be more to the point somehow. Perhaps because the focus is narrower. Many of the suggested steps for the various types of disagreements are similar or exactly the same, but a lot of this is because the causes are often similar despite the differences in the situations.
Some of the frequently suggested steps for resolving conflicts include apologizing, demonstrating respect, showing regret and pain, and asking for forgiveness. You will rarely make much headway in ending a conflict if you insist that you are totally in the right and that the other person must yield to your control.
Additionally, he includes a better definition of respect, self-respect, and self-esteem than I have seen anywhere else.
This book is good enough that I may just keep it. After all, who doesn’t occasionally need to be able to resolve their conflicts with other people?
March 10, 2010
I didn't really like this book. Some of the principles seemed like the author was trying too hard to come up with a break-through revelation to solving conflicts. It ended up having too much overly simplistic advice that wasn't very applicable. I also didn't like the endless lists that it had. It had some interesting insights though.
October 13, 2014
He raises a few good points, like people fight to be heard, rather than over who takes the garbage out, etc. I also felt that some of his techniques were very manipulative and would even confuse someone. I've definitely read better,
December 24, 2007
Even if you don't want to buy this book, just go to your local book store and read Chapter 1 - it is really good and worth your time.
October 23, 2009
about how to manage those close relationships well.
June 12, 2013
I found this book very simply put and easy to read, not hard work at all. Whether the strategies work I am soon to find out....
January 11, 2026
Meh. I guess maybe it works if the differences are always so inconsequential (113) that he’s correct, you have to ask why it matters to you. Don’t get me wrong—I see the value in suppressing unkind words and finding other ways to encourage people, but this reads like an insincere manual on how to go through life gladhanding, lying to people’s face (I could never do with a straight face or clear conscience what he advises on 51, telling a chronic rager that I admire how calm they are) while secretly patronizing, indeed, even holding their offerings in contempt while just pretending otherwise. The premise seems to be that all anything boils down to is wounded pride. I don’t concur that if we have enough self-respect, we’re just always not bothered. Sometimes self-respect means not putting up with something. Nor do I concur that it’s actually clear, “If you want to use the Bible as a barometer for morality, then it is clear that lying to keep or maintain peace is allowable” (166). It amps it up that he actually professes to address estrangements, which in many instances may seem petty in final analysis, but frequently enough aren’t arrived at lightly, by any means.
The dude really does think he can make peace with anyone: not just arrive at personal peace, or strive for it betwixt people, but fake it till someone makes it. My life experience alone can think of innumerable failures to his method. You have to wonder how this feels to abuse victims, for which very scant provision is made on 49 and 127 (so if no one has the right to abuse us, why talk so much about “surefire” approaches to eliminate problems? and why does he include in-laws, bosses, even spouses among the groups for which one doesn’t have leverage, as though excluded from possibility of abuse?), peculiar for having briefly acknowledged (44-45) as a means of circumventing passive-aggressive behavior that surrender just produces “codependency and a doormat mentality.” His recommended solution for THAT personality type, as I can attest, doesn’t guarantee that the other person will conclude that to save face they must “stop making the mistakes.” As I eventually observed of one such, they only grew more subtle in the main and more blindsiding in the outburst, not more just. He says, “dealing with people who refuse to deal does not have to be a lifelong challenge,” but it could remain just such if you tried his examples. They might never deal, and sometimes the status quo is unacceptable. I’ve tried, for instance, making it unprofitable (61) for such to continue along their line of attack, but there was no alternate onto which they’d latch. (It takes the prize by the time they say, in essence, “I see no reason to pray whether there’s another way to look at [continues to rattle off hurtful misrepresentations]. God wouldn’t teach me differently.” Of a slightly comparable situation, one person who’d offered to help, upon receiving more summation, at length said, “Sometimes there’s a personality disorder which might not be fixed in this life.”) It was in the realm of needing, like, discipline or psychotherapy (did Lieberman seriously say on 53 that our own techniques can infuse the mentally ill with stability?) or something. Just another reminder to beware thinking any one book out there will magically address the complexity of all human relations. My marriage is fantastic, BTW, to head off cultural assumptions prone to “vaguebooking,” which my personality assuredly does not do, and to address that some of the aforementioned difficult personalities, for some bizarre reason (likely inclusive of misery in THEIR home lives), don’t even want us to have a good marriage, or at least want to endlessly pretend that we don’t, contrary to our own protestations that this doesn’t make for amiable interaction, but is, moreover, even without occasional power plays, genuinely intolerable.
The right question isn’t, “Why does this matter to me?” which can be subsumed into, “Why does it matter so much to anyone that we continue a relationship with this person?” It took all the way until 123 to encounter why I needn’t have bothered dusting off this book: “There are times when it would be in everyone’s best interest not to have contact.” It was injuring me too much attempting to work with them, and I don’t see that as my mandatory role—great are the resources which point out forgiveness and reconciliation are distinct processes which don’t have to be perceived as a package deal. (For that matter, it’s flagrantly manipulative how Lieberman speaks to the perpetrator that they “need to arouse emotions in your attempt to have her forgive you” (87). After the experiences I’ve had, I cringe at chapters essentially training the sociopathic in what people are looking for as cues the relationship is healthy enough to continue, such as walking them through what sort of remorse juries typically favor. It continues my sense this is contrived and possibly worse than doing nothing.) If you don’t know the story, you don’t know the story, and all the formulas in the world will fall flat. When the best explanation for their own motive is vampirical supply, which any other move will only be made to serve, the best answer is removal from the situation. (In one example above, you can, as has been demonstrated, go a whole year or more with no contact, and their way of making up for lost time is to pick up where they left off, but deviously or even subconsciously, like you won’t still notice all the dormant problems are coming back to life, whereas THEY favor time as a method to getting the compliant to forget all the ground you tried futilely to cover with them. If they’d rather wait it out than amend, so would I rather than take any more from the unamended version. Restoration/restitution can be a valid concept, too, not just “good talk.” Lieberman’s not wrong that “time is the great healer, but time can also solidify ill feelings as well” (76), he just never successfully posed a viable alternative for situations I had in mind.) If I believe someone’s actually behaving wickedly toward me, it would be unconscionable to devise a strategy to shift their attention to another target by just feeding their psyche (49). Repentance would be the advisable format for getting them to see themselves as “someone who does not lash out and blame you for his problems.” And if I can’t facilitate getting them there, maybe they won’t go, so it nonetheless needs to stop being an intrusive part of my life! After all, one crux of the problem IS that “the one who is responsible clearly doesn’t see it this way” (108). There are exceptions short of “a matter of life and death” (58). Human dignity may even be sufficient reason, certainly one’s own ongoing well-being. Honestly, the book kind of seemed so heavy on the practical it wound all the way up in the impractical, and to lack a soul or something.
The dude really does think he can make peace with anyone: not just arrive at personal peace, or strive for it betwixt people, but fake it till someone makes it. My life experience alone can think of innumerable failures to his method. You have to wonder how this feels to abuse victims, for which very scant provision is made on 49 and 127 (so if no one has the right to abuse us, why talk so much about “surefire” approaches to eliminate problems? and why does he include in-laws, bosses, even spouses among the groups for which one doesn’t have leverage, as though excluded from possibility of abuse?), peculiar for having briefly acknowledged (44-45) as a means of circumventing passive-aggressive behavior that surrender just produces “codependency and a doormat mentality.” His recommended solution for THAT personality type, as I can attest, doesn’t guarantee that the other person will conclude that to save face they must “stop making the mistakes.” As I eventually observed of one such, they only grew more subtle in the main and more blindsiding in the outburst, not more just. He says, “dealing with people who refuse to deal does not have to be a lifelong challenge,” but it could remain just such if you tried his examples. They might never deal, and sometimes the status quo is unacceptable. I’ve tried, for instance, making it unprofitable (61) for such to continue along their line of attack, but there was no alternate onto which they’d latch. (It takes the prize by the time they say, in essence, “I see no reason to pray whether there’s another way to look at [continues to rattle off hurtful misrepresentations]. God wouldn’t teach me differently.” Of a slightly comparable situation, one person who’d offered to help, upon receiving more summation, at length said, “Sometimes there’s a personality disorder which might not be fixed in this life.”) It was in the realm of needing, like, discipline or psychotherapy (did Lieberman seriously say on 53 that our own techniques can infuse the mentally ill with stability?) or something. Just another reminder to beware thinking any one book out there will magically address the complexity of all human relations. My marriage is fantastic, BTW, to head off cultural assumptions prone to “vaguebooking,” which my personality assuredly does not do, and to address that some of the aforementioned difficult personalities, for some bizarre reason (likely inclusive of misery in THEIR home lives), don’t even want us to have a good marriage, or at least want to endlessly pretend that we don’t, contrary to our own protestations that this doesn’t make for amiable interaction, but is, moreover, even without occasional power plays, genuinely intolerable.
The right question isn’t, “Why does this matter to me?” which can be subsumed into, “Why does it matter so much to anyone that we continue a relationship with this person?” It took all the way until 123 to encounter why I needn’t have bothered dusting off this book: “There are times when it would be in everyone’s best interest not to have contact.” It was injuring me too much attempting to work with them, and I don’t see that as my mandatory role—great are the resources which point out forgiveness and reconciliation are distinct processes which don’t have to be perceived as a package deal. (For that matter, it’s flagrantly manipulative how Lieberman speaks to the perpetrator that they “need to arouse emotions in your attempt to have her forgive you” (87). After the experiences I’ve had, I cringe at chapters essentially training the sociopathic in what people are looking for as cues the relationship is healthy enough to continue, such as walking them through what sort of remorse juries typically favor. It continues my sense this is contrived and possibly worse than doing nothing.) If you don’t know the story, you don’t know the story, and all the formulas in the world will fall flat. When the best explanation for their own motive is vampirical supply, which any other move will only be made to serve, the best answer is removal from the situation. (In one example above, you can, as has been demonstrated, go a whole year or more with no contact, and their way of making up for lost time is to pick up where they left off, but deviously or even subconsciously, like you won’t still notice all the dormant problems are coming back to life, whereas THEY favor time as a method to getting the compliant to forget all the ground you tried futilely to cover with them. If they’d rather wait it out than amend, so would I rather than take any more from the unamended version. Restoration/restitution can be a valid concept, too, not just “good talk.” Lieberman’s not wrong that “time is the great healer, but time can also solidify ill feelings as well” (76), he just never successfully posed a viable alternative for situations I had in mind.) If I believe someone’s actually behaving wickedly toward me, it would be unconscionable to devise a strategy to shift their attention to another target by just feeding their psyche (49). Repentance would be the advisable format for getting them to see themselves as “someone who does not lash out and blame you for his problems.” And if I can’t facilitate getting them there, maybe they won’t go, so it nonetheless needs to stop being an intrusive part of my life! After all, one crux of the problem IS that “the one who is responsible clearly doesn’t see it this way” (108). There are exceptions short of “a matter of life and death” (58). Human dignity may even be sufficient reason, certainly one’s own ongoing well-being. Honestly, the book kind of seemed so heavy on the practical it wound all the way up in the impractical, and to lack a soul or something.
February 24, 2021
Listening is a real art of paying attention when someone is speaking.
It's normal for your mind to try and wonder or interrupt, but if you truly listen to what that person is saying, you able to keep a calm and open mind.
Staying calm in any conversation opens an abundance of options, techniques in communicating are key.
It's normal for your mind to try and wonder or interrupt, but if you truly listen to what that person is saying, you able to keep a calm and open mind.
Staying calm in any conversation opens an abundance of options, techniques in communicating are key.
January 3, 2010
Great little organized book, by type of dispute. Funny but good concepts; very very prescriptive.
September 22, 2019
Very helpful book with many insightful ways to mend fences.
January 15, 2021
I don’t really agree with everything written here but it’s ok read the book objectively.
January 19, 2022
Super good!
April 10, 2022
This is an amazing book to help people restore relationships. It has scripted plans for a wide variety of situations. A great family reference book!
July 8, 2023
Some good psychological pointers on human nature and general life skills we would all do well to know and learn, tho' I started to get a bit bored by section 4 so more or less skimmed that, will come back and re-read the key points and relevant chapters should the need arise in my life to deal with a specific conflict.
I would have been less bored and possibly got more out of the book if I had a particular estrangement or conflictual issue to deal with in order for reconciliation to take place, which I don't (ie. because reconciliation is not advisable with narcissists).
Reading this does enlighten me somewhat though and gives me the desire to read other books by the author, as I like his clear and straight-forward style, no psychobabble, easy to read, with real-life examples given for further clarification. I understood exactly what he was saying about 99% of the time I'd say.
I do feel however that the book was unneccesarily longer, more convoluting and over complicated with too many separate chapters than needed have been, so I'm not sure how much I've retained from one single reading with a few skimmed bits, apart from everything seems to do with RESPECT and sense of Power and Control, folks!
I liked the "focus key point" and sum-ups at the end of the chapters, but overall I feel a bit overwhelmed and saturated by all the information and the endless prescriptive advice. It feels like 40 years of someone's psychotherapist knowledge rolled into one single book on the subject, it feels a lot.
I can also see how some readers may be turned off by what appears to be manipulative, dishonest or even boot-licking techniques. However, I'm trying not to judge because in reality a lot of the time we may be dealing with people with serious self-esteem and over-inflated ego issues, so if you want to get anywhere with those folks through necessity or obligation (eg. in a professional or "crisis" capacity), you kinda have to know what makes them tick and "open up" to at least be able to reason with them (eg. take the case of having to negotiate with hostage takers). The author does warn briefly (too briefly, and without a supportive explanation for those who would need one lol) why manipulation has to be a sort of last ditch effort, he doesn't per se condone manipulating anyone but I would have liked more depth for the reader on why from his psychotherapist viewpoint it is essential to avoid being purposefully egotistically manipulative (apart from the obvious, like "karma's a bi**h"), again for those who would need the explanation.
I definitely recommend the book and believe that if you follow the advice you will go a long way to mending fences, yes even rapidly. I certainly will be heeding all the precious nuggets of wisdom myself should I find myself in that situation and needing to, and am grateful to the author for sharing all these perceptive insightful tips with us.
I think the book I should have been reading instead of this one though is "Make peace with yourself, after not wanting to end conflict, feud or estrangement because you don't want the narcissists back in your life." or "How to move on with your life, despite all the non-closure, estrangements, and loose ends hanging willy nilly all over the place after trying to reason with toxic people."
I would have been less bored and possibly got more out of the book if I had a particular estrangement or conflictual issue to deal with in order for reconciliation to take place, which I don't (ie. because reconciliation is not advisable with narcissists).
Reading this does enlighten me somewhat though and gives me the desire to read other books by the author, as I like his clear and straight-forward style, no psychobabble, easy to read, with real-life examples given for further clarification. I understood exactly what he was saying about 99% of the time I'd say.
I do feel however that the book was unneccesarily longer, more convoluting and over complicated with too many separate chapters than needed have been, so I'm not sure how much I've retained from one single reading with a few skimmed bits, apart from everything seems to do with RESPECT and sense of Power and Control, folks!
I liked the "focus key point" and sum-ups at the end of the chapters, but overall I feel a bit overwhelmed and saturated by all the information and the endless prescriptive advice. It feels like 40 years of someone's psychotherapist knowledge rolled into one single book on the subject, it feels a lot.
I can also see how some readers may be turned off by what appears to be manipulative, dishonest or even boot-licking techniques. However, I'm trying not to judge because in reality a lot of the time we may be dealing with people with serious self-esteem and over-inflated ego issues, so if you want to get anywhere with those folks through necessity or obligation (eg. in a professional or "crisis" capacity), you kinda have to know what makes them tick and "open up" to at least be able to reason with them (eg. take the case of having to negotiate with hostage takers). The author does warn briefly (too briefly, and without a supportive explanation for those who would need one lol) why manipulation has to be a sort of last ditch effort, he doesn't per se condone manipulating anyone but I would have liked more depth for the reader on why from his psychotherapist viewpoint it is essential to avoid being purposefully egotistically manipulative (apart from the obvious, like "karma's a bi**h"), again for those who would need the explanation.
I definitely recommend the book and believe that if you follow the advice you will go a long way to mending fences, yes even rapidly. I certainly will be heeding all the precious nuggets of wisdom myself should I find myself in that situation and needing to, and am grateful to the author for sharing all these perceptive insightful tips with us.
I think the book I should have been reading instead of this one though is "Make peace with yourself, after not wanting to end conflict, feud or estrangement because you don't want the narcissists back in your life." or "How to move on with your life, despite all the non-closure, estrangements, and loose ends hanging willy nilly all over the place after trying to reason with toxic people."
July 11, 2025
i liked how the book seemed like a smooth guideline on how to conduct things — mostly making peace with anyone.
a quick learning i got here (that i want to remember someday) is when 2 people are in an argument with me being the possible peacemaker, i would gauge their willingness to reconcile by asking for a quick favor or even a stupid game of guessing a number from 1 to 100. if they are up for the quick fun, then they are likely to be willing to fix things… otherwise, it would be more challenging to reconcile the 2 of them.
by the q and a portion by the end of the book, i was also interested in the possible psychologically based motivations on patterns of conflicts such as: 1) looking to seal a wound from the past (for correction), 2) unconsciously driven out of guilt or self-anger to set themselves up in these conflicts in order to “get back at themselves” (self-sabotage), and 3) engaging in patterns of conflict because we have a belief about how the world should be and a self-concept that supports it (conformation to reality expectations).
learned cool words/terms as well — bragadocios, buyer’s remorse, reciprocal affection, cognitive dissonance.
borrowed this book from BSP’s library. cool right. need to return this before i go to my 2.5-week fieldwork in Antipolo next week lol.
Friday, July 11, 2025
At around 8:30 AM on my workstation
Before 10AM predeparture meeting. Was asked to pickup a document before the meeting. Was able to talk candidly with Jude, Joyce, and Gian earlier hihi
a quick learning i got here (that i want to remember someday) is when 2 people are in an argument with me being the possible peacemaker, i would gauge their willingness to reconcile by asking for a quick favor or even a stupid game of guessing a number from 1 to 100. if they are up for the quick fun, then they are likely to be willing to fix things… otherwise, it would be more challenging to reconcile the 2 of them.
by the q and a portion by the end of the book, i was also interested in the possible psychologically based motivations on patterns of conflicts such as: 1) looking to seal a wound from the past (for correction), 2) unconsciously driven out of guilt or self-anger to set themselves up in these conflicts in order to “get back at themselves” (self-sabotage), and 3) engaging in patterns of conflict because we have a belief about how the world should be and a self-concept that supports it (conformation to reality expectations).
learned cool words/terms as well — bragadocios, buyer’s remorse, reciprocal affection, cognitive dissonance.
borrowed this book from BSP’s library. cool right. need to return this before i go to my 2.5-week fieldwork in Antipolo next week lol.
Friday, July 11, 2025
At around 8:30 AM on my workstation
Before 10AM predeparture meeting. Was asked to pickup a document before the meeting. Was able to talk candidly with Jude, Joyce, and Gian earlier hihi
March 13, 2020
I listened to this book while really sick. So I don't know if the rating and opinion would be the same as if I were well...but I found myself discounting what he said because so much of the time it appeared that he was telling you that outright lying to people (even if they were mad at you for lying) if it gets them on your side to talk to you (as long as you are sincerely sorry???) is okay. He addresses this in the final notes that he realizes he tells you to lie but I still couldn't follow his logic. So I'll probably be giving his ideas some thought and may even try some of the ideas but the jury is out on the book.
July 15, 2025
If you're looking for a passive aggressive way to solve problems, use the suggestions laid out in the book.
This book is all about lying to the person and/or stroking their ego.
You should read Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People by Renee Evenson or Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone instead.
This book is all about lying to the person and/or stroking their ego.
You should read Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People by Renee Evenson or Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone instead.
September 4, 2025
Perhaps my rating is a bit harsh; while there were several good reminders in here about the psychology at play when relationships become estranged, the "real world" examples and strategies didn't really resonate with me.
June 15, 2018
i disagree with the author's premise. i found this book to be rather squicky: a bunch of manipulative techniques.
Want to read
July 20, 2021ok
December 27, 2016
The suggestions in this book are mostly unrealistic and most people would see right through them.
Read
April 3, 2016Interesting Interesting someone with a PhD uses the word unconscious throughout the entire book when subconscious is what should be used. Some interesting information.
Interesting someone with a PhD uses the word unconscious throughout the entire book when subconscious is what should have been used. Some interesting information, but that mistake makes me question his knowledge of psychology since I learned that in one term of psychology in college.
Interesting someone with a PhD uses the word unconscious throughout the entire book when subconscious is what should have been used. Some interesting information, but that mistake makes me question his knowledge of psychology since I learned that in one term of psychology in college.
December 23, 2019
Guess I didn't expect so much manipulation and disingenuousness. Not my cup of tea.
September 18, 2020
Oscillated between oversimplified advice and ridiculously specific scenarios. Too self congratulatory for my taste.
Nonetheless, thank you so much for sharing your brain with me for a few weeks.
Nonetheless, thank you so much for sharing your brain with me for a few weeks.
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews