For the most part very funny, great observations, a page-turner, an easy read although not too easy, top notch writing skills - expectations were subverted on some occasions, adding to the humour. I was just not that fond of the ending which felt a little contrived. Plus, the fact that the main character Alfie, who is not overly attractive, gets all the beautiful students, is not very realistic, but rather make-believe (catering to all the average/below-average looking guys hoping for something like that happening to them). The author makes it sound believable though, so it's ok I guess. ;-)
Memorable quotes:
Sick and tired of trying to explain the glory and wonder of the English language to children who poured "fuck", "fucking" and "fucked" over their words like ketchup in a burger bar. (p 10)
He had a voice on him that cut right through me, full of private education and a lifetime of privilege and dumb words spoken with all the confidence in the world. (p 16-17)
"He must fuck off to work." Wit enunciates carefully, like a professor of phonetics concluding a particularly tricky tutorial. (p 75)
They laid him in the aisle, stretched out on the floor, right beside me, close enough to touch his terrified face, and two young doctors knelt by his side, pulling his shirt open, talking to him like priests beside a death bed. (p 87)
Love didn't make me a better person. Just the opposite. Love made me indifferent to the rest of the world. Love narrowed my horizons down to a pair of blue eyes , to a goofy smile, to one young woman. (p 87)
I started to ascend to the gathering light while Rose, looking like an astronaut cut from her mooring in space, no longer trailing bubbles, drifted down into shadows that seemed to stretch to infinity. (p 98)
We were in that recompression chamber for two days and two nights, the sickness slowly seeping out of me. But sometimes I feel they didn't get it all out. Sometimes I think sickness came into me that day. And it will be there for as long as I am. (p 103)
For a week the ginseng sits in our kitchen like a piece of modern sculpture. My mother and I spend a long time staring at it, like baffled art lovers searching for meaning in a work we don't quite understand. (p 122)
"I teach," I say, and they both look at me as if I said, "I clean the sewers of the city with a second-hand toothbrush." (p 157)
Didn't somebody once say that Singapore is Disneyland with the death penalty? (p 159)
She looks as though putting on her make-up took about as long as minor heart surgery. But her provocative clothes are like a uniform, or a shield, or a glossy shell. It's a very self-conscious sexiness. As if she looks that way not to advertise something, but to protect it. (p 162)
..her lipstick is very slightly off, like a double exposure on a photograph (p 173)
There she is, on the sofa, still dressed for dancing or double pneumonia (p 199)
She has a fistful of magazines in her hand. They feature men in masks and spandex grimacing and grunting and climbing on top of each other. At first I think this awful child has hard-core pornography in her possession. But then I see that the magazines are about some grotesque new kind of wrestling. (p 217)
[Nan] is staring with enchanted delight at the television where two fat men in luridly coloured latex are screaming at each other. One of the men has a shaven head, the other has Pre-Raphaelite locks that tumble to his meaty shoulders. (p 244)
The Slab turns his back on Billy Cowboy to climb the ropes and lecture the crowd, who all appear to be grotesquely overweight children dressed for their yearly trip to the gym. (p 246)
I am glad that my mother has not shut herself away from the world. But I can't pretend that I relish the idea of her going out on dates, or of some rugged old Kiwi [gardener] roughly sinking his fingers into ther top soil. (p 354)
Lisa Smith is watching me like a short-sighted, bilious old hawk. I am the focus of her attention once more because the police are not going to press charges against Hamish for what he did in that public toilet on Highbury Fields. My colleague was so relieved to be off the hook that he immediately walked down to Leicester square and offered oral sex to an undercover policeman. (p 248)