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What Do You Say, Dear?
What do you say
48 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1958
10 people are currently reading
1284 people want to read
About the author
Sesyle Joslin
50 books12 followersSesyle Joslin is a children's literature author. Joslin's book What Do You Say, Dear? was illustrated by Maurice Sendak and it was a Caldecott Medal Honor book in 1959.
Joslin was born in Providence, RI, on August 30, 1929. During the late 1940s and early 1950s, she worked as an editorial assistant and assistant editor in Philadelphia, and was the book columnist at Country Gentleman magazine from 1949 through 1951. In 1950, she married writer Al Hine. The couple had three children. In addition, she served as a production assistant on Peter Brook's Lord of the Flies (1963 film) and worked on location in Puerto Rico.
In addition to writing under her own name, Joslin also used a few pseudonyms. Under the name Josephine Gibson, she and her husband wrote Is There a Mouse in the House? (Macmillan, 1965). And under the name G. B. Kirtland they wrote One Day in Ancient Rome (Harcourt, 1961), One Day in Elizabethan England (Harcourt, 1962), and One Day in Aztec Mexico (Harcourt, 1963).
Joslin was born in Providence, RI, on August 30, 1929. During the late 1940s and early 1950s, she worked as an editorial assistant and assistant editor in Philadelphia, and was the book columnist at Country Gentleman magazine from 1949 through 1951. In 1950, she married writer Al Hine. The couple had three children. In addition, she served as a production assistant on Peter Brook's Lord of the Flies (1963 film) and worked on location in Puerto Rico.
In addition to writing under her own name, Joslin also used a few pseudonyms. Under the name Josephine Gibson, she and her husband wrote Is There a Mouse in the House? (Macmillan, 1965). And under the name G. B. Kirtland they wrote One Day in Ancient Rome (Harcourt, 1961), One Day in Elizabethan England (Harcourt, 1962), and One Day in Aztec Mexico (Harcourt, 1963).
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 144 reviews
February 22, 2019
Oh, this is some great comedy. This had us all laughing at the absurdity of it. The whole set up is some strange things is happening, say someone is giving away baby elephants, what would you say to introduce yourself to the elephant. The response is always polite and things we are taught to say, but the situation is absurd. Any imagination kids come up with could be in here. What if a dinosaur bit your patient?
The artwork is by Maurice Sendak again. He was a busy bee. It’s all done in black white and blue and it looks just like his work.
This is a fantastic piece of work. It’s hilarious and all the kids and adults were cracking up and hooting and hollering. The nephew wanted to read this again. Both children gave this 5 stars and I was delighted by it as well.
The artwork is by Maurice Sendak again. He was a busy bee. It’s all done in black white and blue and it looks just like his work.
This is a fantastic piece of work. It’s hilarious and all the kids and adults were cracking up and hooting and hollering. The nephew wanted to read this again. Both children gave this 5 stars and I was delighted by it as well.
September 3, 2018
There are any number of books about manners aimed at young children. At one time, that was about all children were encouraged to read. Some of them are pretty good - for example Richard Scarry's famous work. Many times though they are as wretched as only something didactic and condescending can be.
But how many teach you what to say when you've crashed your plane through the roof of the duchess’s house, or been bitten by a dinosaur, or bumped into a crocodile?
Just one - this marvelous little manual by Sesyle Joslin and illustrated by the incomparable Maurice Sendak. Charming and whimsical, this book of manners is sure to delight with its mixture of propriety with untamable imagination.
My girls, I'm proud to say were able to recite or correctly guess nearly everything you should say in such situations on the first try, except I'd forgotten to tell them the proper thing to say to an orchestra of bears when it tries to eat you. But, now that that's been covered, I think we are ready for anything.
I'm not usually sensitive to this sort of thing, but I'm dropping a star because for all its whimsy it ends up with games that are a little too conventional in their gender roles for me. Since I'm not generally sensitive to this sort of thing (and often sensitive to its opposite), I suspect people who are will be too much distracted by questions like, "Why doesn't the girl slay the dragon?" However, I can avow that my wife absolutely loved the book, perhaps more than I did, so don't let this slight misgiving keep you or your children away from this joyful little book.
But how many teach you what to say when you've crashed your plane through the roof of the duchess’s house, or been bitten by a dinosaur, or bumped into a crocodile?
Just one - this marvelous little manual by Sesyle Joslin and illustrated by the incomparable Maurice Sendak. Charming and whimsical, this book of manners is sure to delight with its mixture of propriety with untamable imagination.
My girls, I'm proud to say were able to recite or correctly guess nearly everything you should say in such situations on the first try, except I'd forgotten to tell them the proper thing to say to an orchestra of bears when it tries to eat you. But, now that that's been covered, I think we are ready for anything.
I'm not usually sensitive to this sort of thing, but I'm dropping a star because for all its whimsy it ends up with games that are a little too conventional in their gender roles for me. Since I'm not generally sensitive to this sort of thing (and often sensitive to its opposite), I suspect people who are will be too much distracted by questions like, "Why doesn't the girl slay the dragon?" However, I can avow that my wife absolutely loved the book, perhaps more than I did, so don't let this slight misgiving keep you or your children away from this joyful little book.
June 25, 2017
Growing up, I truely loved this book. And of course my big sister hated it. It's a book about manners, how you always have to be polite no matter the situation and apologize when screwing up or doing something wrong. I have no idea whether this had any impact on me, or my manners, but I obviously still remember it two decades later.It is silly and fun in an adorable way. I noticed a couple of people dissmissing it because of the gender normative illustrations and descriptions, and that is of course problematic, but I have to say that as a child I really did not notice this aspect. My focus was totally the sillyness and craziness of the book rather than if it was a boy or a girl depicted in the different scenarios.
December 6, 2009
It peeved me a bit that the girl has to be the shopper, nurse, and rescued princess while the boy gets to fly a plane, fight a dragon, and make a pet of an elephant, but otherwise this is a super cute little book and a painless way to get the basics phrased of politeness instilled in kid's memories.
September 7, 2008
Full of delicious fantastical imagination and, of course, the very best manners! Charming! :-)
May 2, 2010
This book tries to teach manners (no idea if it's successful), and avoids being totally condescending and didactic by putting them all in the case of bizarre, childish make-believe scenarios. What do you say when you're walking backwards to town (because you like to do that) and bump into an alligator? What do you say when you're flying your plane and remember the Duchess asked you to drop in, so you do and break her roof?
It's silliness incarnate, and you have to love it!
There are three scenarios in particular that reviewers have commented on, so let's tackle those.
The first is the "decapitation". In this case you're asked what you say when you're out picking flowers in front of your castle, a dragon appears and breathes smoke at you, and then a knight saves you by chopping off its head. (You say thank you.)
There's no blood or anything gory shown, and as far as I'm concerned the princess being saved from the dragon by the knight is a common fairy tale set-up. I don't have a problem with this. There are more violent scenes in both classic and recent Disney animated films, nobody is claiming the dragon was talking and friendly and just violently attacked - I have no problem with this scene for this age group. Let's move on.
The next one is where you are a cowboy. Suddenly the bad guy shows up and holds a gun to your head and asks "Would you like me to shoot a hole in your head?" (You say "no thank you", which strikes me as perfectly sensible.)
This one is a bit trickier. I'll be honest and skip ahead a bit by saying I, personally have no problem with ANY of this book - but in this case I can really see why some people do. The scene is a bit explicit, and the Western is no longer a popular form of drama anyway so it's not like this situation is likely to have come up in your child's play.
However, as nobody actually gets hurt, I'd say most kids won't even notice to be upset. There's more violent scenes on cartoons in the morning.
And the last one that people have complained about is the one where you're a pirate and have captured a lady and tied her up. Every morning when you untie her to eat breakfast she says "Good morning, how are you?" and you are supposed to say the same.
As far as this goes... meh. Clearly nobody is being particularly ill-treated.
Now, overall, I don't mind any of these scenes because I know quite a few children. This sort of thing and more is exactly what they come up with when they're playing pretend. If you think children do not play-act violence you are very much mistaken. They do. They do it because it's exciting. They do it because it's fun to practice being really bad in a safe way that doesn't actually harm anyone, when in real life they work so hard to be GOOD. They do it because these things scare them and playing them makes them less scary. They do because the stories they are exposed to have violence there, explicit or implied, and they want to understand that. They do because you can't have a good story without a villain.
And children have been doing this for as long as there have been children to play pretend at all. I do not believe that this is in any way linked to actual violence when these children grow up.
Obviously if your child is bothered by this sort of pretend violence, don't read them this book. Or if you are. However, truthfully, I don't think it's that big a deal in this context.
It's silliness incarnate, and you have to love it!
There are three scenarios in particular that reviewers have commented on, so let's tackle those.
The first is the "decapitation". In this case you're asked what you say when you're out picking flowers in front of your castle, a dragon appears and breathes smoke at you, and then a knight saves you by chopping off its head. (You say thank you.)
There's no blood or anything gory shown, and as far as I'm concerned the princess being saved from the dragon by the knight is a common fairy tale set-up. I don't have a problem with this. There are more violent scenes in both classic and recent Disney animated films, nobody is claiming the dragon was talking and friendly and just violently attacked - I have no problem with this scene for this age group. Let's move on.
The next one is where you are a cowboy. Suddenly the bad guy shows up and holds a gun to your head and asks "Would you like me to shoot a hole in your head?" (You say "no thank you", which strikes me as perfectly sensible.)
This one is a bit trickier. I'll be honest and skip ahead a bit by saying I, personally have no problem with ANY of this book - but in this case I can really see why some people do. The scene is a bit explicit, and the Western is no longer a popular form of drama anyway so it's not like this situation is likely to have come up in your child's play.
However, as nobody actually gets hurt, I'd say most kids won't even notice to be upset. There's more violent scenes on cartoons in the morning.
And the last one that people have complained about is the one where you're a pirate and have captured a lady and tied her up. Every morning when you untie her to eat breakfast she says "Good morning, how are you?" and you are supposed to say the same.
As far as this goes... meh. Clearly nobody is being particularly ill-treated.
Now, overall, I don't mind any of these scenes because I know quite a few children. This sort of thing and more is exactly what they come up with when they're playing pretend. If you think children do not play-act violence you are very much mistaken. They do. They do it because it's exciting. They do it because it's fun to practice being really bad in a safe way that doesn't actually harm anyone, when in real life they work so hard to be GOOD. They do it because these things scare them and playing them makes them less scary. They do because the stories they are exposed to have violence there, explicit or implied, and they want to understand that. They do because you can't have a good story without a villain.
And children have been doing this for as long as there have been children to play pretend at all. I do not believe that this is in any way linked to actual violence when these children grow up.
Obviously if your child is bothered by this sort of pretend violence, don't read them this book. Or if you are. However, truthfully, I don't think it's that big a deal in this context.
November 4, 2017
I have changed my mind on this.
Upon a second look:
I remembered really liking this book when I read it almost a year ago. But now that I look at it again, I'm frankly disappointed by the gender breakdown of the situations. The boy character gets to receive a pet baby elephant, rescue a princess from a dragon, portray a cowboy, be bitten by a dinosaur, be the groom at a wedding, attend the princess's ball, visit London to dine with the Queen, fly an airplane to visit the Duchess, and invite all his friends over for a party. The girl character gets to pick flowers, be rescued, be a nurse, go shopping, be the bride in a wedding, be a Princess, be a Queen, be a Duchess, and be captured.
This is such a pity, because it's genuinely funny, and that's what I remembered about it. And Maurice Sendak's illustrations are so charming. I'd like to give Sendak the benefit of the doubt and say that if he had illustrated this today, he would have been more inclusive, but I can't in good conscience read this to my kids or let other adults read it to them and reinforce these stereotypes.
Such a waste of potential.
Original review:
Okay, please stop gnawing on my face.
Some of the illustrations are a little gender-normative, as it is from the late 1950s. There are a lot of manners books out there. I'm guessing there were even more back when this one was written. This one is a lighthearted satire of these types of books, with silly situations that kids are never going to get into, like being a cowboy, or being menaced by a dragon. It puts "please" and "thank you" and similar phrases into weird situations.
It's very silly. I think that children will definitely understand because it's always being drilled into young children how they should be polite at every turn. These ridiculous situations will entertain the children as well as teach them actual manners. People are always wanting you to be polite even when you bump into a crocodile in the middle of the road or when you crash your airplane into somebody's roof.
Message: Be polite.
For more children's book reviews, see my website at http://www.drttmk.com.
Upon a second look:
I remembered really liking this book when I read it almost a year ago. But now that I look at it again, I'm frankly disappointed by the gender breakdown of the situations. The boy character gets to receive a pet baby elephant, rescue a princess from a dragon, portray a cowboy, be bitten by a dinosaur, be the groom at a wedding, attend the princess's ball, visit London to dine with the Queen, fly an airplane to visit the Duchess, and invite all his friends over for a party. The girl character gets to pick flowers, be rescued, be a nurse, go shopping, be the bride in a wedding, be a Princess, be a Queen, be a Duchess, and be captured.
This is such a pity, because it's genuinely funny, and that's what I remembered about it. And Maurice Sendak's illustrations are so charming. I'd like to give Sendak the benefit of the doubt and say that if he had illustrated this today, he would have been more inclusive, but I can't in good conscience read this to my kids or let other adults read it to them and reinforce these stereotypes.
Such a waste of potential.
Original review:
Okay, please stop gnawing on my face.
Some of the illustrations are a little gender-normative, as it is from the late 1950s. There are a lot of manners books out there. I'm guessing there were even more back when this one was written. This one is a lighthearted satire of these types of books, with silly situations that kids are never going to get into, like being a cowboy, or being menaced by a dragon. It puts "please" and "thank you" and similar phrases into weird situations.
It's very silly. I think that children will definitely understand because it's always being drilled into young children how they should be polite at every turn. These ridiculous situations will entertain the children as well as teach them actual manners. People are always wanting you to be polite even when you bump into a crocodile in the middle of the road or when you crash your airplane into somebody's roof.
Message: Be polite.
For more children's book reviews, see my website at http://www.drttmk.com.
February 13, 2017
This was one of my favorite books as a child. The format, where the question is asked on one page and you turn the page for the answer, is very appealing to kids who like surprises. The illustrations add humor and deserved the Caldecott Honor.
February 27, 2012
33 months - O sits very still and listens intently but I don't know if she's really getting anything from this read or if she's in awe of the bizarre scenarios. Still a good read and lots of good manners displayed.
March 7, 2015
What a great fun way to teach children good manners. With drawings by Maurice Sendak. For example, what do you say if you get bit by a dinosaur and a nurse comes and saves your life? Also I wish I could give copies to some of my clients.
June 13, 2017
I couldn't find the French edition listed, which is what I read in attempts to practice my French literacy. It was a cute read. Wish I had picked it up in time to have read it with my French first grader, dommage.
March 23, 2008
The only manners I've ever learned were from this book.
October 11, 2011
...And goodreads reunites me with yet another forgotten book from my childhood!
(I love you, goodreads.)
(I love you, goodreads.)
March 3, 2019
This is a hilarious way to teach kids manners and it has the most bizarre scenarios. As a kid, I don't believe I appreciate it as much as I currently do. But, now I understand it better and I find it delightful.
The pictures add to the story, and they give the visual that cements the bizareness of it all. It is completely entertaining read.
The pictures add to the story, and they give the visual that cements the bizareness of it all. It is completely entertaining read.
August 16, 2017
Literature Genre: Juvenile Fiction
Awards: Recieved Randolph Caldecott Medal in 1959
Ages: 4-8 years
This is a book about manners, and it even states on the title page that it is "A handbook of etiquette for young ladies and gentleman to be used as a guide for everyday social behavior". One thing to keep in mind is that this book was written in 1958, and the dialog and illustrations would have been more appropriate in that era, but problematic today. The story is made up of imaginative scenarios involving a young boy and his ridiculous encounters with various characters, which are followed up by the question "What do you say dear?". On the next page would be the proper response such as "thank you", "no thank you", "your welcome", "excuse me", "I beg your pardon", and so on.
From a feminist approach, I find it a little insulting that the females in the illustrations are always the princess, queen, nurse, duchess, damsel in distress and in fancy clothing. In contrast, the boy gets to be a pilot, pirate, cowboy, knight, etc. Thankfully, society has grown since the late 1950's, and women now enjoy the opportunity to be whatever they wish to be: a pilot, doctor, lawyer, even a president--or in this story, be the one riding the horse, catching the bad guy, or slaying the dragon!
While I found this book comical, it did provide a good lesson concerning the importance of manners that every child should know.
Awards: Recieved Randolph Caldecott Medal in 1959
Ages: 4-8 years
This is a book about manners, and it even states on the title page that it is "A handbook of etiquette for young ladies and gentleman to be used as a guide for everyday social behavior". One thing to keep in mind is that this book was written in 1958, and the dialog and illustrations would have been more appropriate in that era, but problematic today. The story is made up of imaginative scenarios involving a young boy and his ridiculous encounters with various characters, which are followed up by the question "What do you say dear?". On the next page would be the proper response such as "thank you", "no thank you", "your welcome", "excuse me", "I beg your pardon", and so on.
From a feminist approach, I find it a little insulting that the females in the illustrations are always the princess, queen, nurse, duchess, damsel in distress and in fancy clothing. In contrast, the boy gets to be a pilot, pirate, cowboy, knight, etc. Thankfully, society has grown since the late 1950's, and women now enjoy the opportunity to be whatever they wish to be: a pilot, doctor, lawyer, even a president--or in this story, be the one riding the horse, catching the bad guy, or slaying the dragon!
While I found this book comical, it did provide a good lesson concerning the importance of manners that every child should know.
November 13, 2018
As always, Maurice Sendak's illustrations are PERFECT! Their whimsical nature pairs perfectly with the text in this book. The subtitle for this is "A book of manners for all occasions." Once you've read it, you know that Sesyle Joslin really meant ALL occasions - even very unlikely occasions! For example: "You are at the Princess' ball, and she is telling you a secret, but her orchestra of bears is making such a fearful lot of noise you cannot hear what she is saying. What do you say, dear?" And of course, the answer is: "I beg your pardon." :) Such a fun way to learn proper manners for ALL occasions. Every child should read this book at least once!
Note: At my public library, this book is part of a kit which comes with an audio cassette of the story. There were two narrators, a man and a woman, who each did a fantastic job with their parts. I particularly liked the cowboy's accent.
Note: At my public library, this book is part of a kit which comes with an audio cassette of the story. There were two narrators, a man and a woman, who each did a fantastic job with their parts. I particularly liked the cowboy's accent.
November 26, 2017
• 1959 Caldecott Honor Book •
This is such a cute and creative book! I’m surprised I’ve never seen this format before - although I’m sure it’s out there. It’s basically a bunch of scenarios and each ends with “What do you say, dear?” and the answers are various polite things to say like “I’m sorry” or “You’re welcome” or “No, thank you.” This would be a great read aloud book with kids, because they could try to think of what to say for all the bizarre and funny situations. Really fun book! Also, I really love the little dog in most of the illustrations!
Materials used: unlisted
Typeface used: unlisted
This is such a cute and creative book! I’m surprised I’ve never seen this format before - although I’m sure it’s out there. It’s basically a bunch of scenarios and each ends with “What do you say, dear?” and the answers are various polite things to say like “I’m sorry” or “You’re welcome” or “No, thank you.” This would be a great read aloud book with kids, because they could try to think of what to say for all the bizarre and funny situations. Really fun book! Also, I really love the little dog in most of the illustrations!
Materials used: unlisted
Typeface used: unlisted
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June 16, 2013This is yet another book of illustrations that won the Caldecott Honor.
Published in 1958, it is one of Sendak's earlier works.
Using silly situations to discuss the topic of manners, the author and the illustrator working together do not preach, rather they suggest appropriate behavior.
The words Thank you, please, beg your pardon, excuse me and may I please be excused were once a part of our everyday interaction.
Sadly, our social mores of this generation have stretched to rude curtness.
Published in 1958, it is one of Sendak's earlier works.
Using silly situations to discuss the topic of manners, the author and the illustrator working together do not preach, rather they suggest appropriate behavior.
The words Thank you, please, beg your pardon, excuse me and may I please be excused were once a part of our everyday interaction.
Sadly, our social mores of this generation have stretched to rude curtness.
February 22, 2017
Imaginative story about what you should say when using your manners. A made up scenario is given and then followed by the phrase, "What do you say, dear?" The next page follows with the proper answer such as "I beg your pardon." Each scenario warrants a different answer. Great story for making a picture in your mind and leads to great conversations about using manners. The illustrations are only in black, white, and blue, but clear, silly,and interesting. The story was written in 1958, but still is entertaining and relative.
November 7, 2008
This book -- a funny introduction to manners for children -- was so indelible that I carried it in my memories for three decades -- long enough for it to be reprinted and a search for it to bear fruit. The situations posed are silly, and made more so by Maurice Sendak's illustrations. But they do get the point across that life is improved with good manners and politeness. The sequel, What Do You Do, Dear? offers more of the same, also the return of Bad-Nose Bill.
June 13, 2017
My favorite aspect of this book is that it is so cute and retro looking. The text is simple and easy for children to follow, but may be a little too easy. The illustrations are the same way. They are nice and simple, featuring a basic color profile of only black, white, and blue. While I can appreciate these things as an adult, i just don't know if this book still has what it takes to keep children interested.
November 11, 2019
Si me detengo a pensar, llego a la conclusión de que este libro fue pensado para educar en buenos modales. Pero las ilustraciones de Maurice Sendak y la manera que eligió Sesyle Joslin para llevar a cabo ese cometido son dignas de encomio. El humor que hay en cada pequeña historia me dejó perplejo. Por supuesto, no caeré en la desgracia de explicar el chiste, pero sí en la delicadeza de recomendarlo. Lean este libro :)
November 28, 2011
A wonderful book about appropriate manners necessary in common situations:
You are downtown and there is a gentleman giving baby elephants to people. You want to take one home because you have always wanted a baby elephant, but first the gentleman introduces you to each other.
What do you say, dear?
You are downtown and there is a gentleman giving baby elephants to people. You want to take one home because you have always wanted a baby elephant, but first the gentleman introduces you to each other.
What do you say, dear?
July 28, 2012
This book is not in Emerson's personal collection.
This is surprisingly the funniest children's book I have ever read!
It is a book about manners but the stories are absolutely hilarious! Great drawings by the recently departed Marice Sendak (where the wild things are).
I want to buy this book.
This is surprisingly the funniest children's book I have ever read!
It is a book about manners but the stories are absolutely hilarious! Great drawings by the recently departed Marice Sendak (where the wild things are).
I want to buy this book.
April 23, 2013
A cute question and answer book about manners, this book won a 1959 Caldecott Honor award. This book is way better than the "A Very Special House" that he illustrated for Ruth Krause, which won the Honor Award in 1954, and the illustrations really made the book awesome and funny. Recommended for ages 3-7, 4 stars.
January 21, 2017
This is a charming little etiquette book aimed at teaching children manners through rather ridiculous scenarios--bitten by a dinosaur, bumped into a crocodile, fed so much spaghetti you can't get out of your chair--after which the reader is asked, "What do you say, dear?" It's not at all condescending and more than a little bit of fun, an enjoyable read for the whole family.
April 8, 2017
I didn't like this when I was kid. I can't imagine that my kids would have liked it when they were young, either. And I don't care for it much now, though at least I can imagine, this time, how some folks would love it. But the sexism still dates it, and makes it problematic.
We just learned manners from practice in the real world, you see!
We just learned manners from practice in the real world, you see!
February 13, 2020
An entirely necessary and practical book for anyone hoping to enter proper society.
April 15, 2021
This is such a precious book that teaches children about manners in a fun and whimsical way. It touches on children's creativity and curiosity. It is even better when the person reading it to the child pauses and gives them a chance to answer. The situation that the protagonist finds themself in are very outrageous and children know they would never be in those situations but it still gets them thinking about what they should do. The illustrations are quite simple yet very cute. All the illustrations are black, white, and blue, which is a fun touch to the normal types of children's books.
December 18, 2022
As far as a read-aloud story - this wins high marks. Ridiculous events are described, and a guiding narrator (which could easily be the voice of the one reading aloud) offering the "correct" polite response (e.g., as a maiden who has been saved from a dragon by a knight, you should say "Thank you"). Copyright of 1958 - this is not one that would be chosen/printed nowadays, me thinks, primarily for the scenario in which a baddie holds a gun to your (small child's) head threatening to "shoot a hole," and your ideal reply is "No, thank you."
Sendak's illustrations are, as usual, amusing and look like his illustrations.
Sendak's illustrations are, as usual, amusing and look like his illustrations.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 144 reviews