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As I Die Lying

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This book has been rejected 117 times. And it's all the fault of that evil, soul-hopping spirit that took over Richard Coldiron's head. Or maybe the other four people in there. Richard's first and last novel follows his journey through a troubled childhood, where he meets his invisible friends. The people he loves keep turning up dead. And here comes the woman of his dreams.

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First published August 29, 2010

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About the author

Scott Nicholson

211 books767 followers
With more than 800,000 books sold worldwide, Scott Nicholson is an international bestselling thriller writer. He won the Writers of the Future Award in 1999 and was a Stoker Award finalist in 2003. His Fear series was published by Amazon's Thomas & Mercer imprint and 47North released the supernatural thriller McFALL.

He's also published a number of supernatural, paranormal, and fantasy books and stories, including the AFTER, NEXT, and ARIZE post-apocalyptic series, as well as children's books, comics, and screenplays. His 2006 novel The Home is in development as a feature film.

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5 stars
52 (23%)
4 stars
55 (25%)
3 stars
57 (26%)
2 stars
27 (12%)
1 star
26 (11%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews
Profile Image for Christa.
Author 14 books77 followers
January 12, 2011
Scott Nicholson and Richard Coldiron are "co-authors" of Richard Coldiron's autobiography "As I Die Lying." Richard Coldiron is a victim of a troubled childhood, of cruel beatings, probable incest, alcoholic parents, a wrecked home-life, and very little love. No wonder his mind (the Bone House) is somewhat twisted and has to do all kinds of tricks so its owner can survive. And Richard is a survivor. As a child, he has an invisible friend who lessens his pain by whisking him away and taking the punishment in his stead. Later in life though, four slightly more problematic "friends" or voices in his head take control: Little Hitler, Loverboy, Mister Milktoast (what a name), and Bookworm, who sometimes get him out of difficult situations, take the blame for murder and mayhem, but also create the most dangerous and destructive situations. And, on top of it, we have the Insider, that creepy, selfish fellow, the devilish monster, evil incarnate, who manipulates the story of Richard's life to his own advantage.

The book is a literary treasure, creepy and cruel, witty, sarcastic, full of dark humor and with an undercurrent of sadness, but, most of all, enormously entertaining with great dialogue. It is a fascinating study of human psychology, of the conflicting voices and emotions in all of us, the darkness that lurks in the back of our minds and, if left unrecognized, threatens to overpower what's good in us. And last, but most importantly, it is a story of redemption and love. I heard rumors that Sigmund Freud turned around in his grave, pounding the coffin walls with his fists (or what was left of them), condemning the book. The real reason, however, was he was extremely upset that he didn't write it himself.

I would give this so-called "worst novel ever written" six stars but only five are available, so five it is.

Profile Image for Shannon.
17 reviews
April 17, 2012
I didn't even finish this book. That speaks volumes; I can't stand "unfinished business". I just couldn't waste any more of my life on this crap. The beginning of the book was great! To read of this mans horrible upbringing - i.e., cruel beatings at the hands, or feet, of his alcoholic father; the indifference of his mother; his eventual experience with love that ended tragically; was truly gripping and heart wrenching. But once we get to the "confessions" of killings it gets too bizarre and unbelievable. It becomes harder to keep track of the characters and what is happening. I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone.
Profile Image for Janean.
149 reviews
May 17, 2011
Ok, first ignore the cover. I have no clue what it means. Thankfully I read it on a kindle because had I seen this on a bookshelf, I never would have picked it up and brought it to the register.
Next, ignore that it took me a month to read it. I'm getting used to the Kindle, my new eyes, and I stand by my toddler as an excuse.
This book was fantastic. The "author" Richard Coldiron narrates his horrible past and even worse present alongside the "voices" in his head. Be warned: this novel is not for the faint of heart. There were many episodes that were incredibly difficult to read, but thankfully Nicholson handles it all with a dry wit and off the cuff attitude that does seem soften even the worse scenes.
I really enjoyed Nicholson's writing. The voices were so unique that you really feel like you are reading a novel by 6 different narrators.
Really this "fantasy" novel is about finding the strength in yourself to defeat your past, however horrible it is, finding redemption in love, and ultimately good overcoming evil. Highly recommend it and I will definitely be picking up more Nicholson. And maybe even rereading this one as my husband and I have very different interpretations on how this ended...and I love when a book does that.
135 reviews
June 2, 2012
I got this Kindle book for free from Amazon. At first, during the part about protagonist's childhood, the book was very dark but quite good. As the protagonist reaches adulthood, however, it starts to fall apart. After that point, the author was trying too hard to be edgy, and it came off as forced as opposed to witty. When the character is presumably possessed by some ancient evil force/being, it becomes too fantastic and it ruined it for me.
Profile Image for Natalie.
69 reviews3 followers
June 29, 2012
As others have noted, the beginning was great. I got pulled into the tragic story of this abused child who develops multiple personalities to help him get through tough times. When he reaches adulthood, however, the book loses all momentum and just drags on. You can't tell who is speaking, or if they're speaking out loud or just to each other inside his head. I get that Loverboy was supposed to be a sex-obsessed jerk, but it just came off as trying too hard. You'd think that once the Insider, an ancient evil entity, joins the crew, that things would pick up again, but sadly, it does not. There was also too much meta-writing that interrupted any flow I managed to find.

It took me a long time to finish this, and I only read to the end because of my weird guilt about not finishing books I've started. I'm going to have to work on that so I don't waste time on stuff like this when my To Read list is overflowing with potentially amazing books. I will say that I actually liked the writing itself and will read other books by this author. I just really could not get back into this story.
Profile Image for Rebecca Barton.
2 reviews
January 23, 2012
What a strange book. At first, well the first 35% of the book I enjoyed. Getting to know Richard and his alter egos but after that point it kind of droned on and on and he spent so much time talking about mundane things it just got overly dull to me.

However, there's some interesting plot twists at the end that bring it back together, granted the final 5 pages are a boring read but it does fit with the rest of the book.

I would definitely not recommend this book to anyone that isn't interested in MPD type books as it is hard to follow at times depending on who's talking.
Profile Image for Melissa.
78 reviews19 followers
September 26, 2012
This book totally freaked me out. I tried very hard to keep with it since I hate walking away from a book and the other book I read by this author was fantastic, but I just couldn't keep torturing myself by forcing myself to keep reading. I would try to go back to it after every book I finished and couldn't read more than a few pages.
89 reviews8 followers
February 8, 2012
The novel started out well and then went downhill. After the first half, the plot became more and more confusing as the main character plunged into madness. The number of multiple personalities kept growing and the story became more convoluted. Wouldn't recommend this one.
Profile Image for Angel **Book Junkie** .
1,838 reviews9 followers
June 18, 2015
I wanted to like this book but it fell short for me. I was never really hooked after the first chapter and found myself really bored with this read. I finished it because I hate to leave something unfinished but I did not like it.

2 reviews1 follower
May 23, 2012
I always have to finish a book, but I do know why is was a free Kindle book....
Profile Image for Tess Stoops.
6 reviews1 follower
November 21, 2018
Amazing

This story is a trippy, awesome account of a murderous nerd sharing his brain with some obnoxious house guests. A must read!
39 reviews3 followers
February 22, 2021
WOW

This book is totally different from anything I have ever read. If you are looking for a different kind of creepy then you will definitely enjoy this book
Profile Image for Nadyne.
662 reviews15 followers
February 26, 2012
First sentence: "Begin at the beginning."

P. 99: "'Do you miss him?', I was afraid to ask, afraid not to ask."

Last sentence: "I"m going to sleep."

Synopsis (GoodReads):

Richard Coldiron’s unauthorized autobiography follows his metafictional journey through a troubled childhood, where he meets his invisible friend, his other invisible friend...and then some who aren’t so friendly.

There’s Mister Milktoast, the protective punster; Little Hitler, who leers from the shadows; Loverboy, the lusty bastard; and Bookworm, who is thoughtful, introspective, and determined to solve the riddle of Richard’s disintegration into either madness or genius, and of course only makes things worse. They reside in the various rooms of his skull, a place known as the Bone House, and take turns rearranging the furniture. As Richard works on his autobiography, his minor characters struggle with their various redemptive arcs.

Richard keeps his cool despite the voices in his head, but he’s about to get a new tenant: the Insider, a malevolent soul-hopping spirit that may or may not be born from Richard’s nightmares and demands a co-writing credit and a little bit of foot-kissing dark worship.

Now Richard doesn’t know which voice to trust. The book’s been rejected 117 times. The people he loves keep turning up dead. And here comes the woman of his dreams.

Since I follow all kinds of great bookblogs, I have discovered books, or genres, I wouldn't normally read. And this book is one of these. And yet it was a fascinating read. Richard Caldiron tries to cope with life, as we all do, but his life isn't easy to cope with. It starts with a father who beats him and his mother, the latter not able to protect her son, or herself. To deal with that he creates an imaginary friend, who 'takes over' his body when he is being beaten and who comforts him when he is alone and afraid. But then there suddenly is another friend, who lets him do things that he wouldn't normally do, or would he? Richard can't be sure of this, and so he runs...

It was fascinating to be inside a person's head and to see the struggle and uncertainty that was going on there. The tension was building throughout the story, but was relieved now and again by references made to the fact that this was a book, a manuscript, a story, where exciting things had to happen, because otherwise it would be a boring book.

All in all, a great read!
Profile Image for Matt Schiariti.
Author 8 books152 followers
November 16, 2012
This book is hard to put into a category..is it a mystery? Horror? Psychological thriller? It's a little of all of those things..and more...

Richard Coldiron is a man born of a bad childhood...An alcoholic and abusive father, a mother who's also battered but would rather that than be alone...the only way to cope is to make up an imaginary friend. Not unusual for a kid to do that, especially one that has that type of trauma to deal with...even those with 'normal' childhoods have had imaginary friends...it's when the imaginary friend that turns into a companion in your teen and adult years that it becomes a problem...then when you start adding more imaginary friends to deal with each and every situation you have in life...well, that's a problem on top of a problem..

Richard has the Bone House..the place he retreats to when something comes up he doesn't want to or can't deal with. The Bone House is also the home for his multiple friends...his head's a pretty crowded place.

I won't give up too much of the plot. I will say that this is a weird book. That's the best way I can think to describe it. This book is told in the first person through Richard's point of view. It is his 'autobiography' after all. 'The worst ever written..rejected 117 times'. That in itself makes it interesting. Seeing the protagonist struggle through daily life as he's trying to tell his story and have it published.

Is Richard a serial killer? Is he crazy? Is this all just 'revisionist' history? A great many questions are raised during the telling and frankly not a whole lot of them are answered. This isn't a book that will give you solid answers. But that's ok. It's written so well and at times it's just laugh out funny. Some of Richard's 'friends' are pretty hysterical.

Filled with dark themes, witty dialogue, puns galore that should at the very least get a chuckle out of you, this was a very entertaining book.
Profile Image for Arlena.
3,480 reviews1 follower
January 31, 2013
Author: Scott Nicholson
Published By: Haunted Computer Books
Age Recommended: Adult
Reviewed By: Arlena Dean
Rating: 5
Review:


"Kiss Me or Die" by Scott Nicholson was my first read by this author and all I can say is that it was some novel with the characters and that 'inner voice'in his head... but very dark...made this read. This author really has a style of writing that "Kiss Me or Die" was a novel with several different narrators often offering the to its reader many episodes ...all of these multiple personalities. From this read you will get 'his past, present and even the future mind of this serial killer.

This author will take you into the life of Richard Coldiron...who grew up in a abusive situation with not having a loving home all with his imaginary friends in the 'Bone House' and this is where the story really takes off. Now, this is the place where I say you must pick up the read "Kiss Me or Die" and read for yourself. And I don't want to forget Mr. Milktoast who was a true friend of Richard's from childhood, ...then there was Lover Boy....then... Little Hitler... and Bookworm OK, I will stop and just let you pick up "Kiss Me or Die" to see what this read is all about. And oh, my what a ending!


Please note that there are hints of pedophilia and incest in this read.


All I can say is the fact that this author can put this novel together as he did is a good sign of a storyteller that can keep the reader guessing until the end. If you are in for a psychological thriller with much 'demoinci force,' crazy, twisted, funny, creepy and sad ... then you are at the right place for a read you will not forget. Yes, I would recommend this as a excellent read...only leaving you to say wow that was some read not to be forgotten!
Profile Image for Janell.
66 reviews5 followers
September 29, 2012
Whew.

I really, genuinely, liked this book: there were a few things that bothered me.

The story's narration switched frequently; from Richard to one of his Little People. That in itself is fine; and given the story content (which I won't give away) is quite understandable, perhaps even necessary. What bothered me was the switch in direction; the audience being an active participant of the book (as those reading an autobiography are acknowledged to be the audience) vs. the audience being those along for the ride of the book (a story told, no audience ever acknowledged, a telling of events).

This book begins as if it's a written as an autobiography; "Hi my name is Richard Allen Coldiron, this is my story." We, the audience, are reading the book that IS the autobiography; not the story of the story of the autobiography, or the story of the writing of the autobiography. The timeline then flip-flops to where the author is still writing the book and the events unfolding are around his writing of it; including conversations and scenarios, TRUE story mode: we are the audience for unfolding events rather than having this biography told to us. It then it switches back. I know, I've done a lousy job of explaining it. I nearly confused myself; it's hard to articulate. It was like whiplash, jumping back and forth. While I didn't find it hard to keep up with (jarring, yes; hard to follow, no), I did find it annoying. But I'm likely a snob.

It was fast paced and I found the ending to be brilliant. Not at all what I really expected, but then, I was stumped as to how any of it could have any sort of decent ending.

Anyway. In summary: Excellent. If you dig psychological thrillers with perhaps a touch of sci-fi, read on, fellow bookworms.
Profile Image for Mary.
455 reviews9 followers
January 10, 2015
Scott NIcholson is one of my favorite authors and this one had been on my TBR list for quite a while. Finally having the time, I grabbed this one up. The book description compares it to the Jeff Lindsay's Dexter books, of which I am a big fan, so I was expecting something dark, creepy and filled with the murders of a serial killer.

First of all, this is completely different than what I am used to reading from Nicholson. Yes, it was very dark and very creepy. I just thought that the story took a long time to develop. I understand that the author was giving us a full background of the main character, all the horrible things that went into his childhood and growing up years, the years of abuse, that went into making this man the killer he turned out to be. But being a thriller fan, I wanted more of the the serial killer on the hunt and to read about how the police would be on his trail. That really isn't what this book is about. This book is more about the inner struggle of a man with multiple personalities and what happens when one of these personality tries to take control of the others. There is a lot of reading of the arguing between the personalities in the main character's head, what he calls the Bone House. There is murder involved but it almost seems to be the secondary story. Yes, it is pretty interesting, but again, this isn't what I was expecting from the book description.

It was a good book but not what I expected. Scott Nicholson is a very good writer and I had no trouble finishing this book but it just wasn't what I was hoping for.
Profile Image for Ken Lindsey.
Author 10 books35 followers
October 14, 2012
I actually read As I Die Lying several months ago, and in my haste to find more books like it, I forgot to give a review. Late has to be better than never, because this book deserves a review!

I was pinned to this story, from the beginning, as the main character took us through his back story, and all the way into his own unique madness. It was dark and clever and I was sad when it ended. Not because the end wasn't what I was hoping for, but because I wanted to continue reading about Richard Coldiron. His past, his present, his future, it didn't matter, I just wanted more.

Five stars, and a recommendation to read for anyone that enjoys a little darkness.
Profile Image for Kurt Gielen.
210 reviews25 followers
February 24, 2011
This is one hell of a book. I'm afraid to say it, but the way this book is written, it almost makes me feel like schizophrenia is a good thing. I know it's not and I do feel sympathy for the people suffering from it, however Scott has managed to write such an intriguing book in such wild and colourful language, that you really feel connected to the main character.
Very different from any other book that I've written before so definitely big number of stars.
Language was sometimes a bit too fluffy, and for that I'm giving it a 4.
Profile Image for Debbie Greco.
22 reviews5 followers
June 28, 2012
This book was an odd experience. Nicholson has excellent command of the English language and makes vivid use of metaphors, similes, etc. However, the subject matter was dark and the "multiple personalities" made it so that the ebb and flow of his writing would go from beautiful and smooth to profane and choppy giving me mental whiplash. While this was obviously the intent it was frustrating for me to read. The topic and his approach to it were certainly unique, but I never really felt fully engaged in the narrative.
Profile Image for Loraine.
293 reviews
July 15, 2013
It took me ages to read this...not because its bad but because I gave birth to my second child and time was not on my side for reading. The only times I could get the peace to read was during the middle of the night feed times. In a way, reading this at those bizarre hours and with a sleep deprived brain added to the creepiness of this story. Richard's split personalities became even more sinister. The one thing I would say is that the ending is not what I expected and was a little odd but I will still read more of Nicholson's work.
Profile Image for Beth Jensen.
109 reviews2 followers
January 26, 2012
Nicholson puts you right into the mind of a mans journey from being seriously abused as a little boy to how his mind bends into a schizophrenic as an adult. At times, the book is too twisted and difficult to follow, but that all adds to the workings of the mind. The beauty of this story is the terror of knowing how real this book could be. This could be your neighbor, your brother-in-law, your best friend. How well do we really know anyone?
Profile Image for Stephen.
180 reviews12 followers
April 7, 2012
Different spin on the novel as the reader is drawn in as the writer writes. An autobiography wrtten from schizophrenia pov. As the little characters voice their opinions from his mind, known as the Bone House. One character not nice at all tries to preempt the others. Richard Coldiron struggles with their interference and he becomes lost. Good read and experience to ride along with Richard as he tries to control the interfering little gremlins of his Bone House.
Profile Image for Pia.
Author 14 books57 followers
August 1, 2012
Interesting at times. Sluggish at others. Confusing at times too, but sometimes because of all the personalities, and others because of sentence structure or wording.

Concept is great, but execution left me wandering off mid-chapter, struggling to finish. This one is a "meh" for me, but I'm curious enough about the dark side of this author's mind to explore more of his work.
Profile Image for J.L. Murray.
Author 22 books150 followers
July 9, 2012
I liked this book. I think Nicholson did a great job getting the reader into the head of Richard Coldiron. I would have given it more stars, but I thought the first half dragged on a bit. But once I got to the halfway mark, it zipped right along. I think Nicholson is an amazing author and has a talent with imagery and psychological tension. I will be looking for more from this writer.
Profile Image for Blaise.
65 reviews14 followers
August 4, 2011
The best look at multiple personalities in a work of fiction I have ever had the pleasure of reading. Nicholson is a literary master. I don't often give a book 5 stars but he earned every one. I can't wait to start Curtains.
Profile Image for Lori Darling.
6 reviews
May 12, 2012
Fascinating :o I truly loved this story and all of it's narrators. Until you forgive and accept yourself...the good, the bad, the ugly, the faults and failings...only then will the inner voices stop beating you up. Then you will truly know inner-peace :)
Profile Image for Nora aka Diva.
188 reviews12 followers
May 13, 2012
I am not sure what I can say about this novel. It was strange, weird, completely off the wall but it worked. The kind of novel that takes your mind off your own petty grievances, real or imagined. In a bizarre way it was indeed a fun read.
Profile Image for Tammy.
493 reviews
August 29, 2012
A 3.5 star read for me. The first chapter took my breath away. Absolutely beautiful language. Unfortunately I began to lose interest by the end. Probably my fault entirely.

I highly recommend this read regardless of my own personal mileage.
Profile Image for Daniel Shields.
24 reviews1 follower
October 11, 2012
Eh...This book was pretty bad...It starts off with promise...but then the character develops so many multiple personalities, it becomes pretty trite and boring...I guess that's why it's free for the kindle.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews

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