Divorcing Jack

Dan Starkey #1

by Colin Bateman

Divorcing Jack is a 1998 satirical black comedy. The plot is set around the Northern Irish reporter Dan Starkey who gets entangled into a web of political intrigue and Irish sectarian violence, at the same time as Northern Ireland is set to elect a new Prime Minister.

Genres: Fiction, Mystery, Crime, Humor, Ireland, Irish Literature, Audiobook

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1995

About the author

Colin Bateman was a journalist in Northern Ireland before becoming a full-time writer. His first novel, Divorcing Jack, won the Betty Trask Prize, and all his novels have been critically acclaimed. He wrote the screenplays for the feature films of Divorcing Jack, Crossmaheart and Wild About Harry. He lives in Northern Ireland with his family.

Reviews

[Glenn Russell]

Divorcing Jack by Colin Bateman - combination fast-paced crime thriller and comic adventure yarn set in bloody Belfast where the narrator is a young journalist by the name of Dan Starkey, a bloke who can fire off one-liners like George Carlin or Eddie Izzard.

Back in 1995, publication date for this, the author's first novel, D. Keith Mano concluded his New York Times review by noting, “A sequel, I read, is planned. Given hard work, some restraint and time, Colin Bateman may write most other novelists under the table.”

D. Keith's prediction hits the bullseye. Colin Bateman went on to write many more novels, including nine more Dan Starkey novels, and currently ranks among the top contemporary authors in Northern Ireland.

Before I say anything about plot or characters or historical and social context, let me shout out as loudly as I possibly can that what makes Divorcing Jack such a fun read, a book that will keep you chuckling as you eagerly turn the pages, is the tale's narrator and all-around comic hero, Dan Starkey.

Snatches of Dan Starkey's noggin noodling -

"When I was thirteen I woke up in the middle of the night and found my brother pissing in my typewriter case. I decided there and then that there must be something wonderful about alcohol."

On wife Patricia: "She had done more damage to my nose in three years of marriage than twenty years of amateur football. My nose had always been big, but it had not bent perceptibly to the left before I started going out with her. Besides that, she had a singing voice that could pickle eggs."

On joining his new flame at her place: "Margaret went and opened the door slightly and an elderly Jack Russell pressed his face through the gap. I could see a stump of a tail, maybe an inch erect above his hindquarters. He was snarling at me. He reminded me of Patricia."

After changing his appearance to elude arrest: "Fashion and thuggery have never gone hand in hand. My hair had not benefited further from a fitful night's sleep. It looked like toffee poured into an icicle mold, briittle and unwieldy, the bruising on my face, all but invisible in the yellowed light of my room, was more noticeable but ignored, as most everyone was too busy looking at my jaggedy hair. My skin was pale and chalky and my eyes red from an alcohol sleep. They wouldn't have sold me glue in a do-it-yourself shop."

Colin Bateman provides readers with a hefty dose of what it must have been like to live in Belfast during the Northern Ireland conflict ('The Troubles') that lasted thirty years beginning in the 1960s, a time when Protestants and Catholics clashed night and day.

The action in the novel is intense, the emotions extreme. Dan Starkey finds himself at the epicenter of a vortex propelled by three engines: wife Patricia catching him kissing Margaret, his unwittingly selling a much sought after cassette tape, his involvement as a journalist with an American interviewing the country's future Prime Minister.

So many twists, turns and surprises, I hesitate to say anything more specific, especially about that nun holding a Jack Russell and pointing a pistol on the book's cover. Divorcing Jack ain't a crime thriller for nothing. All for a reader to discover as you spend some time with Dan Starkey, a newspaper columnist in blood soaked Belfast who could surely also make a living doing stand-up comedy. Thanks, Colin Bateman! I look forward to more Dan Starkey novels.


Colin Bateman, Belfast's finest, born 1962

[Algernon · Rating 3 out of 5]

More black comedy than true Irish noir, Divorcing Jack is my first foray into Colin Bateman. Based on first impressions I believe I will read more of his books, even if this one did not deliver on all fronts. I am already familiar with several flavors of noir : classic 1940's West Coast, East Coast, Florida camp, Scandinavian bleak, Scottish rumpus (Brookmyre). This here is an attempt to branch out into Irish, with London calling next (Ken Bruen?). And as I like to do with new authors, I have chosen the debut novel, in order to see how the author and his characters develop in time.

The hero of the story is not Jack, and is not getting a divorce (hopefully). His name is Dan Starkey, and he is a satirical columnist for a Belfast newspaper. Safe choice: write what you know about, Mr Bateman! although I hope the author is less fond of drink than his diminutive hero. Drinking lands Starkey in trouble with the missus after she catches him kissing a girl he picked up while lying pickled to the ears in a public park.

Beer and cider do not for a good hangover make.

Worse than the hangover is the discovery of the dying body of his one night stand who murmurs with her last breath : "Divorce Jack!". This is the starting point of a wild rollercoaster ride peppered with car chases, gunfights, wife taking revenge for the betrayal, multiple kidnappings, underworld bosses chasing Dan side by side with the IRA, the Protestant paramilitary factions, the police, the army, possibly a couple of foreign Secret Services too. Everything going down while the country prepares to elect a new Prime Minister, a guy Starkey intensely dislikes for his 'hollier than thou' pacifist agenda. And let's not forget the surprise nun with the bad atitude from the cover:

Her name was Lee Cooper. Her parents had a warped sense of humour. And her friends called her Jean.

As a stand up comedy routine the novel is often real funny, but uneven. Some jokes are a hoot, others are a tad stale and forced. I chalk this down to debut jitters of a talented artist trying too hard to impress on his first night out. As political satire it functions even better, reminding me that laughing while climbing to the gallows pole is one way to keep sane while the world around burns. And Belfast knows all about burning. There's a little piece of trivia in the book that almost passes unnoticed but it is enough to make me not want to find out more about the game of Irish roulette: it involves a petrol bomb and an ability to blow out matches very quickly.

As a crime novel it suffers somewhat from lack of originality, or it may be the case that I have seen one too many Guy Ritchie movies or that Bateman is too similar to Christopher Brookmyre, who writes much funnier and much, much more biting satire across the Irish sea in bonny Scotland. The story is saved by local colour, a riveting glimpse at a region ravaged by civil war, sectarian terrorism and distrust. At one point Dan Starkey is assigned as a minder for a visiting American journalist, and they get to talking:

- Stick to calling it Northern Ireland, although you'll hear variations. If you're a Loyalist you'll call it Ulster, if you're a Nationalist you call it the North of Ireland or the Six Counties, if you're the British Government you call it the Province.
- And what do you call it, Mr. Starkey?
- Home.

As a final impression, the novel holds together well in the plot and character department, but the general vibe is of light reading, as the more serious tones (present and truly disturbing) were subverted by the need to be funny at all cost. There's enough promise here to continue with the setting and its creator.

[Peter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Home
Divorcing Jack is set in Belfast, as a contemporary story when it was released in 1995. Colin Bateman’s debut novel combines a brutal and dangerous environment where the proximity of humour is always evident. Somewhat prophetic in that a former paramilitary leader running as the peace candidate for the upcoming election that would see major changes in Northern Ireland, and a chance for peace from the renowned conflict. The Good Friday Agreement would be signed three years later in 1998. For those unaware the Good Friday Agreement is the constitutional framework agreed by all (Great Britain, Southern Ireland, and Northern Ireland) to establish peace and a structure for self-government in Northern Ireland. The reason it’s easy and difficult for me to write the review is that I lived in Belfast during those years and it’s difficult to forget the unforgettable. As you can imagine so many scenes and feelings flooded my mind while reading this novel and brought me back to the bars and streets of my student days.

Dan Starkey is a journalist for a local newspaper, a drunk and an everyday comedian with one-liners for every situation. The humour is completely relatable, and it has often been quoted as to how we managed to get through life at those times, was that we could laugh at almost every situation – because if we didn’t, we’d cry, we would go mad. Ahemm, you are 😊.

The story is an intriguing balance between comedy and the extremely serious backdrop of division and violence. This is not the book that will give you an insight into the issues within Northern Ireland but it does characterise the humour that was abound even in those dark days.

I would recommend reading this but do go into it with an expectation that it gets unrealistic and crazy at times and after all it is just a laugh.

[Ray · Rating 3 out of 5]

A solid thriller without being ground breaking. Belfast reporter Dan Starkey gets in over his head as a drunken kiss escalates into adultery. Then his new girl is shot dead and Dan is the prime suspect.

This is bad enough, but why are the UDF trying to kill him?

Picked up pace towards the end, and it had some great moments of black humour. The part time nun is genius. There is enough there for me to try another book by Bateman - I just think that Brookmyre does this better.

[Helen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, quick synopsis. Dan Starkey is an Irish journalist who likes his drink. One day, he meets a student called Margaret and takes her back to his house when a party is in swing. There, he kisses her, gets thrown out of the house. Within 24 hours, Margaret is found murdered by Starkey with her last words being "Divorce...Jack." He goes on the run, trying to find who murdered Margaret and why? And most importantly, who is Jack and why is he divorced?

This is a funny book. Seriously funny. Bateman writes Starkey as a tongue-in-cheek guy who you can't help liking. Every page contains a laugh or at worst, a guilty chuckle. I don't know what to really say about this book without spoiling it. All I say is give it a go and then afterwards, watch the brilliant film starring David Thewlis. It is hilraious!

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A friend gave this to me for Christmas. I had never heard of Colin Bateman before but I am a fan now. I started laughing from the first page and laughed most of the way through. The story takes place during The Troubles when a politician is running to be the peace candidate. Everyone is involved from the police, the IRA and the UVF and all of them are out to get Dan Starkey, freelance writer for the Belfast papers. I don't want to give it away but it has a wonderful ending, in an awful kind of way, that took me totally my surprise.

For those who like a truly funny mystery this is a standout.

[Baba · Rating 3 out of 5]

Colin Bateman's first published book (and winner of the Betty Trask Prize) and first in the Dan Starkey series. Subtitled Vodka, Violence & A Nun With A Gun, this dark comedy takes the young Belfast journalist from a sexual encounter into a never-ending conspiracy of violence, political intrigue and murder as he gets involved with ex-IRA turned gangsters, the Belfast political class and the NI secret services. A good read, not that funny for a dark comedy, but a fresh take on the Troubles without avoiding the issues.

[Shirley Revill · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really enjoyed listening to this book. Will look for more from this author.

[MJ Nicholls · Rating 3 out of 5]

The 1998 film adaptation of this mordant and flamboyantly Northern Irish political comedy thriller stars three Englishmen, a Scotswoman, an Australian and an American. A travesty of casting.

[Malum · Rating 2 out of 5]

Clunky dialog and way too many coincidences that force the plot forward hamper this mystery novel.
It does have an incredible cover, though.

[Avid Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is how to write a crime novel. Set your book somewhere vivid. Create a flawed protagonist who has enough virtues that the reader cares. Have interesting times happen to your hero, and lay the clues to the mystery so your reader always wants to read just one more chapter.

Bateman works this formula wonderfully. I thoroughly enjoyed spending a couple of days in Belfast with a disreputable journalist.

If anyone out there's writing Bateman fan-fic I'd be equally happy to spend more time with the Mrs, who takes no shit. Mess with her; she melts your record collection. And, in my opinion, she's well within her rights to do so. Unfaithful husbands have lessons to learn.

First line: I was upstairs with a girl I shouldn't have been upstairs with when my wife whispered in my ear, "you have 24 hours to move out".

Last line: "No", she said.

[Ellen McClure · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beneath every mystery, there is an element of could I have sussed this out? Upon reading this, I can confirm I have very little sleuthing abilities. This was a well layered, fast paced murder mystery with all the charms that Belfast has to offer. The humour was good, the sarcasm was on point and an open ending that leaves me wondering if I should pick up another Colin Bateman mystery. I will in time and hopefully, my sleuthing skills will be much better.

[Owen Townend · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick-witted Irish thriller. Dan Starkey is a journalist 'Jack the Lad' who has an affair with the wrong woman and unwittingly becomes embroiled in a political conspiracy involving the IRA, The Central Office of Information and the upcoming national election. When the bodies begin to pile up, Starkey is forced to go on the run with the help of Parker, the US journalist he has been guiding around, and Lee, an extraordinarily capable NHS nurse who pays the bills as a nun strip-o-gram.

Though tumultuous Irish history is key to this thriller, it is the characters that really made Divorcing Jack interesting for me. While Starkey is a bit of an everyman who inexplicably draws the eye of every attractive woman he crosses, I found myself more intrigued by the characters he meets along the way. Lee is obviously a layered hero who I felt deserved much more attention and a more satisfying ending. Cow Pat Doogan is an entrepreneurial psychopath with Hollywood tastes and a terrifying job history including some cattle rustling (hence the nickname). Father Flynn, a Catholic priest with the transplanted heart of a Protestant, could easily have been the focus of his own brilliant story commenting on Ireland's religious division.

Bateman also writes some awesome analogies and firecracker dialogue. While he does overindulge Starkey's sexual magnetism and the female characters could have had a lot more agency, Bateman does a stand-up job of keeping this farcical 'wrong man' story constantly engaging and just the right kind of cheeky.

Divorcing Jack is a dated adventure in a lot of ways but it's one that deserves more attention. I recommend it to readers who like their comedy Irish and their thrillers sexy.

[Eva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Για το ιστορικό κομμάτι της διένεξης στη Β. Ιρλανδία δεν έχω να σχολιάσω κάτι, οι γνώσεις μου είναι ένα ελάχιστο τσικ πάνω από το μηδέν (σκέφτομαι ήδη 5 λεπτά αν χρησιμοποίησα τη σωστή λέξη). Η πολιτική -και πολιτικοί- είναι παντού ίδια όμως, όπως και η φύση των ανθρώπων και σ' αυτό το κομμάτι το βιβλίο αριστεύει. Όσο για το χιούμορ, ας κρίνετε μόνοι σας ¨we had a bit of an argument about the lack of a condom [...] We compromised on my withdrawal. I didn't . We British don't withdraw from Ireland". Εγώ το βρήκα εντελώς του γούστου μου!

[David Campton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny and fast paced. Film version was a pale shadown of the book

[Matti Karjalainen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Colin Batemanin "Voro-Jack" (Loki, 1998) on mustalla huumorilla ryyditetty jännitysromaani sukkelasanaisesta journalistista, joka eräänä yönä päätyy suutelemaan väärää naista ja ajautuu sen vuoksi keskelle vaarallista peliä. Luodit laulavat, ruumiita tulee ja koko kansakunnan tulevaisuutta määrittävät salaisuudet alkavat paljastua - ja miten mahtaakaan käydä päähenkilön jo valmiiksi myrskyiselle avioliitolle? Vähän överiksihän tässä mennään, mutta lukihan tämän siitä huolimatta.

Suomenkielisen laitoksen kannessa Batemania verrataan ihan onnistuneesti Carl Hiaaseniin.

[Josef Komensky · Rating 3 out of 5]

Old school spy novel,kind of Irish version of Day of the condor. But too complicated, full of politics ( how else ) in my opinion.
The slightly ironic note of the story is kind of funny at the begin but turns tedious later as the story evolves.
didnt like the end.

[Andy]

DNF.

[Lauren Cochrane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not bad, not wonderful. 2nd Colin Bateman book. I preferred ‘Mystery Man’

[Josh · Rating 3 out of 5]

I generally liked the book and no small part of that comes from recognizing the small bars and larger political landscape of Belfast from the mid 90s. The larger plot seems a bit ridiculous truth be told, but in Bateman's debut novel you see him finding his brilliant beta male voice infused alternately with sarcasm and feebleness that manifests itself so excellently in "Mystery Man." The scene with the nun is particularly hilarious. I plan on reading all of Bateman's works so it was good to go back to the beginning to see how his style/voice evolves over time. (I don't know how best to describe the greatness of parts of "Mystery Man" except through my example of shamelessly pushing the title on friends and strangers alike. Northern Irish-isms can make non-natives scratch their head at times but any author fluent in self-deprecating snark-tastic sarcasm is speaking my language)

"The car door was unlocked. I pulled it open. A nun sat dwarfed behind the wheel, resplendent in brown and cream. I said 'In God's name, help me.' She gave me a look that was more Armalite than Carmelite and said 'Fuck off.'"

[Jeff Hare · Rating 5 out of 5]

Journalist Dan Starkey commences an ill thought out affair with Margaret; a woman he meets on one of his solo binges in the Belfast bars. His wife Patricia finds out and throws him out. As Dan tries to get to grips with what has become of his life, Margaret is murdered whilst he has nipped out for pizza and he becomes the focus of a man hunt, but what do Margaret's last words mean...?

Absolutely brilliant. Dark, dark comedy and thriller clash head on in this excellent 1995 debut novel from Colin Bateman. The Northern Ireland portrayed is a pre-Good Friday Agreement one and a lot of the humour comes from the absolutely absurdity of what life was like back then for us Northern Ireland folks.

The Divorcing Jack of the title is a very clever twist and one I unfortunately already knew of because of the 1998 movie of the book which I remembered little of when it came to reading the novel, bar the Divorcing Jack twist.

Id never read a Colin Bateman novel before, but on the basis of this wonderful debut I will endeavour to read a few more.

[Simon C · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written when there was no end in sight to The Troubles in Northern Ireland, this is an offbeat and generally engaging mystery thriller. The main character is a believable everyman in the middle of an intense conflict. It touches on satire at some points and this may not be the best idea. It doesn't tie up all loose ends but overall I enjoyed it. In this audio version, the narrator has the right accent and brings the characters to life but he does read quite a few sentences with what I would consider the wrong emphasis.

[Houdi McCabe · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first offering from the man who gave us Murphy’s Law and coincidentally launched James Nesbitt’s burgeoning TV career. It’s is extremely witty and as they say in Belfast ‘great craic’. The setting of war torn Belfast could be lost on those born post Agreement but I identified with all of them and found myself imagining I was indeed the chief protagonist Starkey. Bateman has provided some good books and this is near the top of the pile- behind Murphy’s Law. That said, his writing of late seems to have evaporated in the ether of the demise of The Troubles.

[Henry Sheppard · Rating 4 out of 5]

I came to this via the movie version. And I'd have to say, this is one of the few times where the movie is better than the book. The ending, in particular, felt labored.

Still and all, I agree with Rachel Griffith, who was willing to be in the movie--without even knowing what role they were offering her--on the strength of having read the book during a trans-Atlantic flight. it's a fine read.

[Mebhe · Rating 5 out of 5]

J'ai adoré ! Polar très bien ficelé, beaucoup de rebondissements et d'humour. L'action se déroule à Belfast et ses environs, notamment le "Pays des Canailles" ! Bravo à Colin Bateman, écrivain nord-irlandais !

[Ana Marija Šir · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I have ever read, smart and hilarious. Something you're going to want to own and read every once in a while. For some reason, I always imagined Colin Bateman as a John Cleese meets Oscar Wilde kind of figure, which says enough about my admiration for the author.

[Michael Bolan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having lived in Prague and tried to cope with the language, Divorcing Jack struck a chord with me.

[Nikki · Rating 1 out of 5]

Fuck me, this was fucking shit!

[Emg · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oh no! Not another alcoholic, immature hero. Just couldn't bring myself to finish it.

[Carol Ellwood-Clarke · Rating 1 out of 5]

Struggle!