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432 pages, Hardcover
First published March 4, 1986
And Donald's doom was on him in two days...
A Chinese gentleman named Hu Ching Po
Was interested in living different ways
Spending the month on Crete, he wished to know
The black, the white, the intervening grays
Of all that happened there. Well, he was so
Surprised to see a duck walk up and speak
To him that he stared madly at its beak -
Or "bill" - men have a lot of names for noses:
"Schnozzola," "target," "ray-gun," and "proboscis";
And "implement for getting kicks from roses,"
Or "helpful, with the eyes, in winning Oscars,"
And "fresh air opens up what clothespin closes."
Whether by cows or beautiful young Toscas
Borne in the midst of face, it has the beauty
Of being both delicate and heavy-duty;
We breathe all day and then we breathe all night -
Sometimes, it's true, the mouth takes over for it,
But mainly it's the nose, when sun shines bright
Or when stars gleam, that does, like Little Dorrit,
More than it seems it ought to do. Our sight
Is veiled by lids, our hands in sleep lie forward
And do not touch, our ears the brain takes care of
By making dreams of sounds we're not aware of -
But nose, you go on breathing all night long!
What was I speaking of? Oh, Donald's bill.
Yes, well, an animal, chicken or King Kong,
Will have a different nose than humans will.
A nose which on a girl might look all wrong
Would on a hen be beautiful; yet still
We think our own of a superior grade.
Don's was two dots upon a bony blade.
When Hu Ching Po, astonished, saw the beak
Of Donald Duck, and heard him talk, he couldn't
Believe he'd not gone crazy. In a week
They had him out of surgery, a wooden
Brain inside his head, and in his cheek
A "thinking cathode," which would help him gooodn-
Ess knows get through life's ordinary duties.
But now to Mickey and his "You, too, Brutus:
Attitude toward Donald, for he found him
In Minnie's arms, with Minnie gently sighing!
"Minnie, goddamn, you've your two arms around him!
I see, cried Mick, "a duck will soon be dying!"
And, seizing a huge rock, began to pound him
(Poor Donald Duck) to death. "I'm not denying
I hugged him hard, but good Lord, Mickey, listen!"
He stopped; he saw her eyes with teardrops glisten.