Companion Through The Darkness: Inner Dialogues on Grief – Truthful Diary Essays on the Complex and Wrenching Journey of Loss

by Stephanie Ericsson

As a result of her own experience with many kind of loss, Stephanie Ericsson offers an intimate, profoundly touching guide for those in grief, legitimizing the complex and often taboo emotions we all feel when loss transforms our lives. In Companion Through the Darkness, Stephanie Ericsson defines grief as "the constant reawakening that things are now different." Using a very simple format -- which combines excerpts from her own diary writings with brief essays -- she vividly speaks the language of loss and captures the contradictory, wrenching, and chaotic emotions of grief. The book can be opened at any point to chapters no more than a few pages long on such themes The sudden state I am forced into. I no longer belong to you. I no longer belong to anyone. The state I use to survive seemingly moments of intolerable pain. The backside of agony. The look on people's faces when they haven't a clue what to say to me. The moments, strung out over months, when I know I am no longer the woman I was, but not quite the woman I am becoming. The result is compelling, intimate, and heartbreakingly truthful -- a book that promises to be enormously sought-after support and touchstone for all those making their own journey through grief.

Genres: Grief, Nonfiction

208 pages, Paperback

First published January 27, 1993

Reviews

[Janie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was introduced to me as a perennial favorite at the local grief center. Their library holds two copies. The alienating [ pity | admiration ] coin is a truth I can carry from this.

What widows appreciate about each other is first (in two parts, give and take), honesty and second, resonance.

For honesty, full stars to Stephanie.

For resonance, a pocketful of star.

--
Accompaniments:
• "Nobody Knows Me At All" The Weepies

[Dandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read so many books about grief and loss. This is really the only one that I could relate to so strongly. She gave words to every feeling.

[Rick · Rating 4 out of 5]

The honesty of this author in sharing her unmediated emotions upon learning of the sudden death of her husband, in the form of a journal, captures the conflicting feelings, the madness, the ups and downs, the anger, the guilt, the frustration, depression, and the wounding many associate with grief. What I have noticed about books about grief and mourning, though they may go out of print, their message remains relevant. We don't all experience it in the order Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described, but we will go through stages like it in the course of our lives. It can't hurt to mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those in need of comfort, even if it means just being there and listening. Don't try to advise. Don't set timetables. Just be there when someone's hurting, and they want you. Leave them when they need to be alone. Help them when they need a hand up. Make sure they don't make their grief into something violent and life-threatening. I have a brother who has an incurable illness, who nevertheless expects to be around for a few more years. I suspect he grieves more over the limitations his illness places upon his ability to work. He is ashamed of his incapacity. He wishes he could just leave life behind, because he no longer feels useful. I grieve that he doesn't recognize his other qualities, including his very astute mind, and doesn't do more to cultivate it. I am sad that he doesn't recognize the service he could still render in his free time, of which he has a great deal. But he judges me in terms of my different political philosophy, and our age difference. His marriage lasted, and mine didn't. Similarly, it is hard to counsel others if we haven't walked that road ourselves. If you haven't experienced death, read this book. If you have, read this book. We must all aspire to be more empathetic.

[Shawna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book that helped me hugely after my husband was, as we say, 'promoted'. Stephanie writes what some of us feel - at times it seemed like she'd taken dictation from me, but then nope, it was her story, not mine. I've bought many copies over the years and given them to friends after they've lost their significant other. I've encouraged writing a note inside the book and then passing it forward to someone else who could potentially benefit from the sense Stephanie gives readers of not being alone in our feelings.

[Diane Dettmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful insights into the grief process. Written in short chapters, Stephanie Ericsson reveals her inner feelings and responses to the death of her husband and offers readers insights into the confusing emotions of grief.

[Luann Habecker · Rating 5 out of 5]

For mourning is the constant reawakening that things are now different...

Grief makes what others think of you moot. It shears away the masks of normal life and forces brutal honesty out of your mouth before propriety can stop you. It teaches.... It assures that living that we know nothing for certain. It humbles. It shrouds. It blackens. It enlightens. Grief will make a new person out of you, if it doesn't kill you in the making.

People say, HOW ARE YOU? And I look at them like they are crazy. I think, How do you think I am? I'm not strong enough for talk.

pg 10,27, 34, 39, 45, 54, 55, 60, 64, 65, 67, 69, 71, 72, 81, 85, 87, 91, 92, 94, 95, 97, 102, 113, 118, 126, 127, 132, 143, 161-3, 166, 172, 173, 179,

it is critical that we see the confusion within as wisdom in process. The paradox is that we honestly know that we don't know anything anymore. Yet, with that realization comes a deep, lasting knowledge. It is a sane reaction to feel insulted when someone wants to explain grief to you, the one who knows it only too well.

[Jenny J · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is one of the best books I have read about describing different states of existence that occur within grief (impatience, despairing, resenting, being confused, etc.) It is written about spouse loss but it EASILY could be read by anyone who has lost someone because the author really speaks in such a palpable way. I think any grieving person would feel comforted that this author articulated what he or she is thinking.

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most honest books about pain and grief that I have ever read. Although she writes about her specific experience of losing her husband, anyone who has experienced any sort of grief will find her words relatable and comforting.

[Cws]

155.937

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful book on dealing through the cycles of lossing someone you love.

[Sue]

From Hsu notes.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am the author of this book.

[Jillf · Rating 2 out of 5]

i sadly related to much of this book, but she lost me about half way through. in my opinion, this was too long and it could have been a few short essays instead of a book.