This book only has 179 pages and yet i see that 13 of my magnetic clips ( thank you waterstones) cling to, self-evidently, 13 of the pages. They normally serve to mark things that I find particularly insightful or dates and details to remember but in this case they mark, to a large extent, places in this short book in which i have gasped in a none too controlled way over something particularly outrageous but funny.
Do not fear gentle reader, I have no intention of quoting them all but they do point out to me the fact that this is a book littered/graced with great one liners and more then its fair share of clever paragraphs.
It is a reflection on celebrity, fame and talent or lack of and centres around a Hollywood star, Katherine Kenton and her maid of all works and general dogsbody, Hazie Coogan, as they strain and struggle to maintain her postion as a star which is, if not rising, at least still glowing. She has made famous such ground-breaking roles as Mrs Caesar Augustus, Mrs Leonardo da Vinci, Mrs Pope Innocent VI, Mrs Gunga Din, Mrs Hunchback of Notre Dame, Mrs Man in the Iron Mask and my particular favourite Mrs Last of the Mohicans but is now moving into the roles such as mother of Captain Ahab or maiden aunt to John the Baptist. She has waded her way through a goodly number of husbands and has a tendency to launch herself at any prospective mound of flesh in which a pulse and a willy coincide. Hazie protects her from herself by pointing out
'erections are less likely a compliment than they are the result of some medical breakthrough'.
Suddenly on the horizon appears the handsome, fit and oxymoronically innocently-predatory Webster Carlton Westward III who seeks to endear himself into her affections and bed but Hazie is mightily suspicious of his intentions and so the scene is set for her uncovering of his plot to write a kiss and tell biography which would be bad enough except each draft which she uncovers hidden in his luggage under his pants...which are needed to contain his regularly praised magnificently enormous manhood, contains a last chapter in which he records how she is going to die. His plan, it seems, is to murder her so as to ensure his entry into the role of grieving young widow with a handy book ready typed and hot for publication. This info happens within a few pages and the rest of the book is the crossing back and forth, the flash backs to and fro across the troubled drug and face lifted history of a crumbling film star.
Palahniuk, why is that man's name so difficult to remember how to spell, writes a bizarre but clever reflection on fame, friendship and the confusion or otherwise of outward apppearances. He points out how truth, if we are not careful, can so easily be twisted into something violently different or how by just moving or shading a few details a whole scene can be subtley but totally changed. A long running image is that of the Dorian Gray like mirror in the crypt upon which Hazie grooves and marks, with Katherine's serially employed diamond engagement ring, the lines wrinkles and blemishes which should reside on Katherine's face but which she regularly has removed and hidden.
The blind traipsing after celebrity fad and fancy is dissected
'If Miss Kathie chose to wear a coat of red ermine or a hat trimmed in pelican feathers, no ermine or seabird was safe. One photo of her arriving at an awards dinner or premiers was enough to put most most animals onto the endangered species list.'
And linked to that is the emptiness of awards and half hearted professional pats on back when he points out the horror of
'every compliment you've ever received, made manifest, etched into metal or stone and filling your home'.
or even more dismissively
'earning applause, not for any performance, but for simply not dying.'
The most clever and insighful thought though is the one towards the end of the whole melee
'These tawdry, soft, sordid fictions would petrify and fossilize to become diamond-hard, carved-stone facts for all perpetuity. A salacious lie will always trump a noble truth.'
The book is mightily humourous but has a serious point in amidst its jokes and vicious slices of wit. What constitutes truth and how can it be protected and preserved ?