You Know Who You Are

by Ben Dolnick

A gorgeous novel of family life, You Know Who You Are is the story of the Vine family, Arthur, Alice, and their three children. The eldest, Will, is well-mannered and academically driven. The youngest, Cara, is a sweet little charmer. Jacob, the middle child, is less sure of who he is. He’s funny, he’s impulsive, and he is often held hostage by his urges to make chaos. But when their mother, Alice, falls ill, Jacob begins to experiment--guiltily, nervously--with the special freedoms conferred on the motherless.
 
Following the Vines as Jacob moves through high school, college, and beyond, You Know Who You Are is a wise, funny, elegiac novel of moving on, pulling together, and answering that most complicated of who will you decide to become?

Genres: Fiction

274 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2011

About the author

Ben Dolnick is the author of four novels: Zoology, You Know Who You Are, At the Bottom of Everything, and The Ghost Notebooks. His writing has appeared in the New York Times, GQ, and on NPR. He lives in Brooklyn, NY.

Reviews

[Dervela · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had tried reading You Know Who You Are once before, but had abandoned the book as it didn’t initially hook me. I recently picked it up again after some time, willing to give it another try. I was excited to read a coming of age story about a misunderstood middle child transitioning from childhood into adulthood.

Apart from being a middle child, I didn’t find the main character, Jacob Vines, to be particularly relatable by any means. I felt as though the main character makes the same mistakes over and over agin without learning from them, which felt frustrating as a reader. However, the author does a great job of detailing the struggles Jacob faces after his mother’s death, primarily with developing relationships with friends, family members, and girlfriends.

I personally felt the story fell flat once Jacob graduates high school and moves on to college and post-college life. At times I was bored while reading, and disappointed that certain characters weren’t further developed, while others completely disappeared all together. By the middle, I found my self wanting the book to end, yet wasn’t content when it ended. I’m all in favor of leaving certain questions unanswered, but felt the ending seemed rushed and almost a cop-out. Though the author had some great moments of engaging the reader, this wasn’t my favorite read.

[Liana · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very simple story of complicated but familiar people, told with at times astonishing precision and heart. There are no fireworks here, just small, perfect observations that add up to something both ordinary and great. A fun read, too.

Edit: Bumped this from four to five stars after seeing the one-star review by the person who'd read 5 pages of the book and the negative review by the person who was offended that a book following a character from elementary school to young adulthood would deal with sex. Good grief.

[Wendee · Rating 1 out of 5]

Couldn't even be bothered to get past about page 5.

Life is much too short to continue reading books that are terrible, poorly written, or unappealing in any way whatsoever to you, personally. There is no law that states you must finish any book that you start. Nor is there a law or moral code that states you cannot review a book without reading the whole thing.

In fact, if you could not read the whole thing, that is a damning review in itself, is it not?

[Sara · Rating 2 out of 5]

It took me a lot of attempts to finally finish this book. I think I started it at least three times. I would say that the end is better than the beginning. I just found it difficult to like the protagonist, Jacob. Almost everything that happens in the book is also incredibly predictable.

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written look into male adolescence. Charming, honest, funny and heartbreaking all at the same time.

[Bethany Miller · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars

You Know Who You Are is a coming of age novel that chronicles the life of Jacob Vine from childhood to young adulthood. Jacob’s relationships with friends, girlfriends and his family - his brother Will in particular - are at the heart of the book. When Jacob’s mother dies of cancer, his father falls into a deep depression. Jacob is in denial of his father’s deteriorating mental state, but his older brother Will recognizes that something is wrong. He tries to convince Jacob that they need to help their father but Jacob refuses, which causes a widening in the already present rift between the two boys. Jacob continues to stumble through adolescence – losing his virginity, going off to college, moving to New York City - mostly without the interference of a parent. In the end Jacob comes to the realization that only he can decide who he wants to become.

Though it is well-written, the story and characters in You Know Who You Are are not very unique or engaging. Jacob Vine is a realistic though not very likable character. Dolnick accurately depicts the trials and tribulations of suburban adolescence, but it is hard to muster much sympathy for Jacob who, like many adolescents, is extremely self-centered and spends a lot of time feeling sorry for himself. The book is frustrating at times because Jacob seems to make the same mistakes over and over again without learning anything from them. Again, this is not unrealistic, but it makes for frustrating reading. The plot is focused on the minutiae of the life of an adolescent, so this is not for the reader who is looking for action and suspense. Recommended as an additional selection for public libraries.

[Karen Germain · Rating 2 out of 5]

I saw this boook at Barnes and Noble this past week and I felt compelled to give it a chance. It was on a shelf for notable new authors. This is Ben Dolnick's second novel and he is a solid writer. I did not find this book to be very unique or compelling, but I think Dolnick might shine with the right story idea. The main character's way of processing grief over his mother's death resonated with me. I felt like there were moments of truth with the characters, where Dolnick managed to make a profound statement or strong idea. Overall, this coming of age story was a bit bland and overdone. It was a decent read for an afternoon, but I often felt myself drifting in my thoughts and wishing the book would hurry to a conclusion. I do think that Dolnick might be an author to keep an eye on and I am interested in his first book. He's good enough to give a second chance.

[Keith Rosson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm pretty stunned that the New York Times called this novel "wide-eyed" and "practically twee," because I bawled through half of it and found it emotionally deft as hell and beautifully written. I'm not terribly adept at naming authors who can do that kind of long-distance/multi-year coming-of-age tale, but folks like John Irving and Jonathan Franzen come to mind - and Dolnick is easily on par with those guys in style and solidity.

This is a fantastic novel that explores the intricacies of sex, death, family and adolescence, and does so with great grace and humor. In spite or because of the whole "I cried for half of it" thing, I'd absolutely recommend this one. Will be looking for more from this author.

[Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dolnick treats the death of a parent like someone who has been through it. All the little guilts and pricks are there. Loved that. Also, not having a sibling myself, I can't say this with absolute certainty, but Dolnick delved into what I suspect was a pretty authentic and insightful study of siblinghood. That aspect fascinated me. As a whole, though, the book didn't come together as much as I hoped it would. I finished it wondering whether there was a message he was trying to get across that I wasn't catching.

[Wendy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really liked this book and what it tried to do, showing a boy grow up from elementary school to post-college. You actually saw the characters mature. However, (and this is a big "however") several portions of the book were just a little graphic for me. I don't need to read about pre-teens and teenagers' developing sexuality. This is why this book didn't get more stars from me. Call me a prude, but it made what could have been a great book one that instead I simply wanted to finish and move on from.

[Alex · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not a must-read by any means, but an enjoyable coming-of-age story. I especially liked the author's frankness about the preoccupation of sex for adolescent boys and how that impacts every part of their lives. I think I would have enjoyed the book more if Dolnick focused on one time period, instead of reaching for a narrative that encompasses twenty years of time.

[Julie Day · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is no fine literature, but I enjoyed this book. It was a pretty quick read. Entertaining. There really wasn't too much of a meaningful plot in that I felt like the book could have continued as easily as it could have ended. There was no climax in the book and the ending left me somewhat in satisfied.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

this was a fun and fast read. it reminded me of Ray Bradbury's Dandelion WIne by portraying a pretty normal boy and his family. sad things happened to him, but there's nothing extraordinary in his character to frighten or inspire me, other than the ordinariness of the protagonist.

[Tanya · Rating 3 out of 5]

an okay coming to age book. It seemed that everything that bad could happen, happened to him. Not very likely for a average human: abortion, brother slept with girlfriend, mother died, sex fanatic, etc...

[Shannon Ferguson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this is in a day. It was just super easy to digest and fun to read, to the extent that I didn't want to put it down once I started. There were a few heavy hitting family drama kinds of moments, but for the most part, it was just pleasant a stroll through somebody else's life. I like that.

[Richard Rowland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it!

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

ben dolnick is a great writer in search of a story worth writing.

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

picked this up and didn't put it back down until i was finished. felt like i grew up with the character in a few short hours. it's honest and sensitive writing, at times a little too true

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun to read a book by someone you mentored in high school.

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good, quick read. A typical "coming of age" story though. Not many twists or turns, but still pretty good if you're a sucker for teen dramas like myself.

[Evonne · Rating 2 out of 5]

I enjoyed this coming of age tale from a male perspective. It seemed very real and dealt with real issues: sex, death and depression.

[Patti Powell95 · Rating 3 out of 5]

so so. Didn't love it, Didn't hate it. Had some trouble getting into it for a bit but the ending was worth it. It's LIFE.

[Amy Grossman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoy Ben Dolnick's style, sensitivity and story telling ability. A poignant coming of age story, with depth and grace.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

ILL

[Teresa Lepore · Rating 4 out of 5]

so good

[Manuel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellently written coming-of-age novel. My only gripe was the extremely sped-up pacing in the last 40 pages or so followes by an extremely abrupt and awkward ending.

[Bonnie Goldstein · Rating 4 out of 5]

This a a great book for anyone who has had cancer touch their lives.

[Alyssa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this book--it was just a nice, thoughtful coming of age novel and I found the characters to be truly written and authentic. It was a really nice palette cleanser after reading some heavier books.