Cover the Butter

by Carrie Kabak

Returning home from an unsatisfying trip with her sports-buff husband to discover that their teenage son has thrown a party and wrecked her lovingly restored home, middle-aged housewife Kate Cadogan remembers her coming-of-age years and rediscovers her creative and resourceful nature. A first novel. Reprint. 40,000 first printing.

Genres: Fiction, Chick Lit, British Literature, Contemporary

368 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

Reviews

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Carrie Kabak's Cover The Butter is the story of one woman's coming-of-age: the twists, turns and broken relationships that brought her to that wrecked kitchen in what was once her marital home. We're introduced to her controlling and manipulative mother, Biddy; her mousy but attentive father, Tom; her Scottish grandparents, the true heroes of this story, Mamgu and Griff; and Kate's best friends from school, Moira and Ingrid. We travel back in time to when Kate was a teen herself, standing complacently as Biddy ordered her about. Trying to please her mother. Trying to get her mother's attention.

Kabak's novel is, first and foremost, an exploration of motherhood -- and what it means to be a mother and a daughter. And Biddy? Well, she isn't a very good one. The entire length of the book, Biddy dangles her approval over Kate's head like a balloon: visible but always out of reach. Unattainable. It's not until she meets Rodney -- dependable, boring, from-good-stock Rodney -- that Biddy finally begins to show her only child some approval. And Kate craves it like a drug.

I started Cover The Butter over the weekend and devoured it quickly, soaking up as many passages at a time as I could. Highly readable and with excellent voice and flow, Kabak's writing was engaging, entertaining and unique. Told entirely from Kate's perspective, I really felt like I got to know our heroine -- and could relate to her struggles to please everyone in the world but herself. When her mother dismisses her dreams of baking and canning preserves, she banishes them, too. When Rodney tells her he'd prefer her to stay home with the baby, building her life up within the home, she does.

On the surface, it seems as though Kate allows her parents, friends and boyfriends to control her -- and as we make our way through the decades of her life, that definitely seems to be the case. It's not until she finally gives herself permission to displease her parents and live for herself that she's free. And it takes many years to get there, yes, but get there she does. I've read reviews expressing frustration and total annoyance at Kate's door-mat-ness, and I understand where readers are coming from -- but for me? It was all very true to character. After a lifetime of being molded by her mother's talons, Kate wasn't going to suddenly kick off her shackles and tell them all to get bent. What child doesn't search for love and affection from a parent? And hurt when they don't receive it?

The book's strength, for me, came from Kate herself. It was fascinating to read about a woman's entire life -- or, well, the life she's lived to date. Sprinkled with plenty of humor and anecdotes, Cover The Butter had a serious side, too, and dealt with plenty of growing-up issues. But for as dense as that sounds, the story flew by in Kabak's capable hands. By the time I'd reached the story's denouement, I was shocked. Over so soon?

Fans of women's fiction and/or British fiction might find this a warm, interesting and entertaining read that hasn't garnered much attention. And if you head into the novel knowing Kate lives most of her life on someone else's timeframe, you'll appreciate her a little better. And hopefully cheer a little louder when she's finally released from those bonds.

[Saleh MoonWalker · Rating 3 out of 5]

Onvan : Cover the Butter - Nevisande : Carrie Kabak - ISBN : 451218353 - ISBN13 : 9780451218353 - Dar 368 Safhe - Saal e Chap : 2005

[Ellen Jones · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was the first book written by Kabak. I was impressed with her writing style. Very descriptive and real. Although the toxic family, family angst, personal trials suffered by the main character, etc, really got to be a bit much for me, I stuck with the book. One can't help rooting for the main character, hoping for a satisfying ending. The ending was most certainly a reward for the reader, as well as for the main character.

[Kevin Kern · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a cheery book about a nasty mother, her daughter from pre-teen to 44, a totally dysfunctional family the daughter marries into, all taking place in England. In reading it, you want to smack the mom, shake the father and tell Katie to just find some gumption. Of course, her mother also heaps on huge amount of Catholic guilt. The husband is the biggest nincompoop in the world and that is being nice.
She has some darling Welsh grands and 2 good girlfriends, who help her to keep afloat, many times in the story.
I suggest this book, after you have read too many heavy stories.

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

I chose this book, wandering the aisles of the library, picking it up based solely on the title. Which seemed odd. Liked it a lot...

[Terry · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love this type of slice of life books. Nothing earth shattering happens just ordinary lives lived.

[Stacey Chan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am currently reading this book. I was looking for a good romantic story in the library and I happened to see this book. The title sounds very interesting. I was born in the 80s and of Asian heritage and I find this book to relate so much to my life, similar family dynamic and similar marriage experience. I wished I had read this book before I was married. It is family situation leading to wanting to get married and leaving the house. Needing to please others to survive and then learning and getting stronger and growing, to say no. I think I made better life choices than the main character of this book, but still a pretty tough life. I feel like my whole life is like this book, eventually getting a divorce or lead my own life filled with happiness. Her mom "hurts, insults, brings tears to my eyes, but after four years with Rodney, I'm in desperate need of any attention, no matter how stifling," 227-228. That is exactly how I felt. This book is very real. I love the author's writing style, very interesting and unique with dialogues.

[Janice · Rating 3 out of 5]

"The bus chugs on the spot, waiting for the traffic lights to change from red to green. I look down at people bustling along the pavements, carrying parcels, bags, and dead turkeys."

"She smiles and kisses me on the forehead. I need every second of my mother's sporadic approval. Her method of affection is best described as a controlling passion. This fifty-seven-year-old woman hurts, insults, brings tears to my eyes, but after four years with Rodney, I'm in desperate need of any attention, no matter how stifling."

[ShyAnn64 · Rating 1 out of 5]

Kate Cadogan's teenage son has just broken her heart. Her husband, on the other hand, just breaks her spirit. It's time for Kate to journey back and trace the path that got her to this point-her obsessively controlling mother and weak-willed father; the best friends and boyfriends; the career choices, food choices, hair choices, and all the other twists and turns that led to the life she lives today

[Barbara · Rating 3 out of 5]

An English woman looks back on her childhood which was dominated by an extremely selfish mother, a wussy father, and wonderful grandparents. She ends up in a dissatisfactory marriage, with one great kid and finally finds the courage to leave and begin a new life in France. Enjoyable.

[A · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to reset this because it was about a lady that recreated her life and opened a little cafe. But that doesn't happen until the very end. I found myself actually skimming through the book.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written, engaging and interesting characters.

[April · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book but where was the time travel?

[Meg Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was the most frustrating read. The final 20 or so pages delivered much needed redemption and I wish we could have spent more time on Kate’s new life.

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd give the first part of the book 4 stars. After her marriage-2 Starz. It was a depressing, repetitive slog after that. So I'll split the difference at 3 stars.

[Zach Weiss · Rating 2 out of 5]

Oof.

[Melissa (Semi Hiatus Until After the Holidays) · Rating 3 out of 5]

At forty-four, Kate Cadogan has finally reached her breaking point. Returning from a disastrous weekend trip with her husband of twenty years, she finds her lovingly decorated home completely destroyed as the result of a party her teen son had while they were gone. Kate wonders how on earth her life turned so completely sour. After downing a few glasses of wine, she takes a trip down memory lane, beginning in 1965 when she was just fourteen.

As she remembers each year, Kate muses on her experiences growing up in England with her controlling mother and weak father, and on life-defining friendships that are her true salvation. Her relationships with the opposite sex, as well as her choice of a career (in teaching rather than catering) were all strongly colored by her mother's influence. In the end, Kate must decide whether she will take a step of faith in herself, or continue to live a life of mediocrity.

This is an interesting combination of coming-of-age story and family saga. Kate is a fascinating character. It's not clear why she allowed her mother so much control over her life, but her journey through it is realistic and will touch many readers who have experienced similar situations. Her life is a slippery slope of indecision and acquiescence to please others (which may frustrate readers, who will want Kate to rebel and grow up much more quickly than she does). It is crucial to understand Kate's relationship with her mother in order to comprehend why she stays with her husband as long as she does.

This is a solidly written debut novel. Kabak has a strong grasp on characterization and her dialogue keeps the reader involved. The first person account fits the plot perfectly and does not detract from getting to know the secondary characters. Although this is a redemption type of story, Kate's path is not typical and keeps interest fresh. I did find it irritating that, even after she finds strength on her own, Kate is impelled to rush into another relationship. That felt forced - an obligatory love story tacked on the end. Regardless, Cover the Butter is a fresh and witty novel that readers will be able to relate to on many levels.

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

As an audio book, the reader's voice was so annoying at first that I did not think I would make it to the end. I'm glad I got over that and was really able to enjoy the story and characters. The book was not what I thought it would be after reading the jacket description. About 3/4 of the book is a retelling of Kate Cadogan's life that explains how she got to the opening scene in the story where she is fed up with where she is at in her life and marriage and is at a decision point. Poor Kate has one of the worst mother's I've encountered in quite some time. The story is set in Wales where Kate grows up in the 1960's. Kate's mother dominates both daughter and husband relying on her constant Catholic moralizing and verbally abuses everyone into submission. We follow Kate through several romances gone wrong, including her marriage to a man with some odd notions. The name of this book comes from a scene in the book that repeats throughout - as both parents light up their cigarettes at the table after meals, Kate's mother, Biddy, demands that the butter be covered, convinced that the cigarette smoke will ruin it. (Ironically there is never any concern for the people exposed to the cigarettes or the harsh words to come.) Generally what follows is Biddy reprimanding either Kate or her husband for their latest perceived deficiencies. It's a wonder that Kate grows into the person she ultimately becomes.

[LOVEROFBOOKS · Rating 4 out of 5]

I LOVED this book with its cast of characters. Kate finally gets to the point where she is at the age, and something recently has happened, where she can pause and take stock of her life and how she got to where she is today. She begins the story in the present time, where her son has just had his party, then goes back to Kate's growing up years, where we can really see her overbearing, manipulative mother and how Kate is treated,then back again to her current situation.

This book came at a time in my life where I am ready to look deeply at my life, and so many of Kate's issues were what I have dealt with too, so this book spoke to me a lot. I think almost every woman whose kids are grown and are wondering what to do next and/or take stock of their life will really enjoy this book. I wish I had bought this instead of gotten it from the library because there were a few things I wanted to underline and re-read.

The only thing that brought it down a half star for me was the way the author writes conversations sometimes. I'll get to reading something with no quotation marks, then have to go back because I realize it was a conversation, not just Kate thinking in her head. I don't know what this style of writing is called-where sometimes quotation marks are used to indicate someone saying something, and the other times leaving them out-but I'm not a fan. But the story is wonderful!

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is another one of those books that really stuck with me. I still think of it - how the girl is describing her relationships with boys (trying to please them)and her relationship with her mother, who surely suffers from some mental disorder. There is some aspect of guilt, too. Plus I read this just as I myself turned 40, and I loved reading a book with a heroine of my own age.

Keep in mind I'm a sucker for books set in the UK, and this one has a Welsh grandma,so I identified with it even more.
Here's a summary from an online book site:

BOOK SUMMARY
Get ready to cheer for Kate Cadogan, a forty-something woman who has spent her life trying to please her husband, her son, her mother and her father without a moment’s thought to her own needs. Until one day when a series of events causes her to slip back in time…

For the first time Kate sees her life clearly—her dreams of becoming a caterer; the delicate yet combustible relationship she shares with her mother; and the unflagging support of her two best friends.

Kate finds the courage to make a break and energized by her newfound freedom, she creates a life all her own.

[Misha · Rating 3 out of 5]

BookList: Kate Cadogan returns home from vacation to find her home utterly trashed from a party thrown by her rebellious teenage son. When both the son and Kate’s husband are completely indifferent to the carnage, she realizes that her life needs to change. Flash back to her adolescence in a small town in 1960s England, where she and her Catholic school chums daydream about clothes, independence, and boys, boys, boys. Her critical, controlling mother is fanatically opposed to teenage dating, yet Kate manages to sneak around, which leads to the scandal of sex before marriage. A failed relationship and unplanned pregnancy throw Kate into the arms of her current husband, Rodney. The sports-obsessed businessman isn’t exactly Kate’s dream man, but her mother approves, and Kate longs for the security of marriage. Flash forward to Kate’s lackluster 20-year marriage to Rodney and his increasingly maddening, single-minded pursuit of “crickethockeygolforsquash.” Her dilemma spreads before her in the ravages of her ruined home. This is charming, compassionate look at how one woman discovers that self-fulfillment shouldn’t be postponed forever. -- MishaStone (BookList, 04-15-2005, p1432)

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

First of all, I got this book for ONE dollar. The cover caught my attention in the clearance section at Half Price Books. That being said, I did not know much about it so I was thrilled when I found out the book was a. British and b. Beautifully written.

Kate is a character who you feel sorry for and cheer for at the same time. She is pathetic enough to come across as human, but not pathetic enough to cause disdain in the reader.

The humor struck just the right tone in the book. Often in books about women that claim to be funny, there is not enough pathos to make it realistic. There was no slapstick here. It was humorous with a dark underbelly. It's very sad to confront that we make choices which then may cause us to regret 40 years of our life, but it is realistic. It's also nice to read something that shows it's never too late to be happy.

I really enjoyed this book.

[melydia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the story of Kate, a doormat. Most of her life is spent under her mother's thumb in some way or another, and that need for approval from the one person in her life least willing to give it forces Kate into a slew of bad decisions throughout her life. That's not to say this book is all depressing, though sometimes it was a bit frustrating to see Kate putting up with such poor treatment. There are also parts that are touching, like Kate's eternally devoted grandparents, and parts that are hilarious, like her lovingly (and brutally) honest friends. Almost all the characters are so detailed I could hear them in my head. In all, it's a pretty good depiction of how a woman can let her life get so far off track - and, happily, how she can get it back on again.

[Elise · Rating 2 out of 5]

UGH this book was infuriating. Maybe it's the fact that I didn't understand and couldn't relate to the family dynamic AT ALL. Maybe it's the fact that I wanted to smack the holy crap out of the protagonist. And her mom. Maybe it's the fact that I wanted this novel to have depth beyond the 'woman comes of age and finally makes herself happy (sortof)' + martha stewart domestic drivel. But it didn't. Plus the ending made me want to throw it across the room. Wow, this has turned into quite a rant, hasn't it? It had one or two redeeming factors, but those petered out about 1/3 of the way through the book. I finished the whole thing in hopes that they would, at some point, return, but notsomuch.

Don't read this unless you want to be annoyed.

[Kate Harding · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this up because I was standing dumbly in the fiction isle at our tiny library, Cooper was not listening and running down isles and Kellan wouldn't stop trying to pull books off the shelf. I desperately needed something to read and this was the only spine that stuck out. I grabbed it and went. I was very surprised by how much I enjoyed it. It's the story of Kate Cadogan who grew up in the 60's and 70's in England under oppressive parents, private school nuns, and lots of self-doubt. I loved Kate as a narrator and felt like much of her life was really very realistic. It felt a bit to much like reading Circle of Friends and I think it was probably heavily influenced by Binchey, but I stilled thought it was a great read.

[Lindsay · Rating 3 out of 5]

A weird title, but once you read the book, it makes more sense. The book follows the life of a British female, starting when she's a teen and through her adult years. I was really into it, but got really annoyed with the girl's parents, because they were kind of mean, and her husband wasn't any better. I just wanted her to stand up for herself, and she finally does, only took a couple hundred pages. So I'm kind of iffy about it. It makes British men seem kind of like buttheads. Maybe I don't want to marry one.

http://lindsayslibraryblog.blogspot.c...

[Jill Manske · Rating 3 out of 5]

It took awhile for me to warm up to this book. But it definitely hits its stride about halfway through. The characters are quirky, interesting and well-written. It's about seriously dysfunctional families and how those early family relationships shape all future relationships. The main character is very repressed and unsure of herself, leading to her being very easily manipulated by her mother and then by her husband. Ultimately, she's much stronger than she thinks she is (and stronger than we expect). I liked it very much.

[Jill · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't think this will spoil anything since it's on the book jacket...

I really wish that this book would've been less misery, more revelation. I was listening to it on CD and by about CD #6 I had to pick up the case and read why I chose this book again because everyone around her treats her so miserably and her life is so... miserable. I was about to quit, but it assured me she was going to break free. It got to be so exhausting to listen to. I just wanted her to turn the corner and free herself sooner.

[Lee]

I have consistently not liked chick lit very much. There is a reason for this. The protagonists never seem able to save themselves, let alone figure out how their lives got to this pass and how to fix it. This book was no exception; it read as if Kate just let everything happen to her and only started to become a conscious actor towards the end.

To revert to my usual patois: Dude, seriously.

[Cecy Ohara · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was great. Hard not to give it 5 stars. I read it in about 4 days, more than half the book in one night...because I couldn't wait to see how Kate turned out. Loved all the UK references about food and growing there, I was looking up all the food on-line to see what it is. The way the author writes is addicting, you just want to read more. Cheers to the character Katers and her friends too, they were hilarious.