Jessica Lost: A Story of Birth, Adoption & The Meaning of Motherhood

by Bunny Crumpacker, Jil Picariello

A mother and her child, lost and then found again after four this extraordinary story of love, loss, and reunion is told in alternating voices by the two women, each relating her own powerful experience.
For the mother, it's the tale of an unhappy marriage followed by betrayal, a pregnancy of uncertain paternity, and the heartrending decision to give up her newborn. The daughter's search begins 40 years later, as she slowly, painstakingly, stitches together her story.
These intertwined tales give us two unforgettable points of view of a remarkable journey-and of the multiple meanings of motherhood.

Genres: Adoption, Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Biography Memoir

224 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2011

Reviews

[Wendy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm adopted, and as a matter of fact, my birthmother sent me this book. I found her about 10 years ago, and we are really close. She told me I would relate to this book. She was wrong. I could NOT get through this book. I couldn't stand how negative the daughter was about her adoptive mother. I thought it was really unfair. And besides that it was BORING. I got about half way through and gave up.

[Lois Duncan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think this book might be of great interest to adults who were adopted as children or to birth mothers who gave up their babies for adoption.

It started off well, with chapters written in first person, alternating between the viewpoint of the natural mother and the grown child who is searching for her birth mother. Assuming this book was fiction, I kept waiting for a plot to develop, but that didn't happen. I also was bewildered by the fact that the alternating chapters were written in the exact same voice.

Then I hit the middle of the book -- saw an array of photographs -- and realized that the account was non-fiction and was written by the adopted child, J.S. Picariello, after the death of the birth mother. Picariello's attempt to write in first person from the birth mother's viewpoint, attributing to the birth mother all the thoughts and feelings P. thought (hoped) she must have had, just didn't work for me. If the two women actually HAD written the book together, each writing her own renditions of the situation in her own words, it might have been very effective. It's too bad it wasn't done that way.

[Joan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an amazing book! Touching and warm the book really made me think about how much of who we are is Nature vs. Nurture. Jil was given up for adoption and as an adult she found and reconnected with her birth mother. She finds that they share some amazing simliarities and personality traits. I think true stories of adoption are interesting especially reading someone's story where they locate their birth mother and learn about themselves in the process. Told in alternating voices this book was funny, touching, and at times sad. It's a story of friendship, of motherhood, of finding yourself. I highly recommend this book!

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

A powerful memoir about just what the title claims - birth, adoption, the meaning of motherhood, and so much more. The alternating chapters tell the stories of the child who was adopted just after birth and the birth mother who had to make that choice - both on a journey to figure out who they are, what impact that major event had on them, and who the other person in the story might be. My only critique was that it was sometimes difficult to keep the two perspectives straight...even though the chapters alternated, parts of their stories were very similar and I would find myself going back to the start of the chapter to check and see whose life I was in. Another thing that felt very glossed over was Jil's sharing of her journey to find and meet her birth mother with her adoptive family - at the start, she is clear that she was choosing not to do so, but by the end of the book, she evidently had at some point and gives limited information about what that was like. I wonder if it became something else difficult to navigate and then just easier to leave out, or was more about respecting the adoptive family's wishes, or something else entirely. In either case, it was remarkable to see the lives that both women had created, but also how the adoption had strongly impacted both of them. Obviously, the book wouldn't have existed if they didn't end up meeting, but it does make for a powerful full circle in a sense, that they can start to come to terms with it all and discuss it with each other.

[Bridget Aleshire · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book involved a family member of mine, so it has a personal meaning for me, and I'm very fond of how the story is told back and forth between daughter's and mother's journeys back to each other.

[Betty · Rating 4 out of 5]

A thoughtful memoir about an adoptee and her birth mother. Some parts were very emotional. Some of our extended family members were adopted and I always wondered if they had any interest of ever finding their birth mothers. (Which, I am told, they weren't interested in!)

[S Johnston · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this book free through a Good Reads drawing, and enjoyed it very much.

A thoughtful memoir. The authors are the birth mother and daughter who tell their stories interchangeably chapter by chapter. I thought their voices similar in the book, and sometimes confusing as the chapters changed; however, a worthwhile read to get to the end.

I am pro-adoption; I have three siblings who have adopted children; I have always urged others to consider it as a solution to infertility. Reading this book helped me to see different perspectives, though, and reconsider my thoughts about it. Overall, I found this book to be both thought-provoking and engaging; well worth my time reading it!

[Diane · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was included on an SD card I got as a bonus with my Nook. Otherwise I doubt I would have picked it up. I am an adopted woman, and echoing other reviewers I almost think one needs to have a personal experience with adoption to understand or appreciate the book. I did enjoy the idea of the birthmother and biodaughter alternatively writing (narrating) the story. Overall I found it touching and compelling in the same way that Dr. Seuss' "Are You My Mother" was touching to me as a child. Nuanced yet threaded throughout the book are the questions: "What makes a mother? or father? or daughter? or family?" The way the authors have navigated and defined those roles for themselves and each other is a very interesting and thought-provoking read.

[Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jessica Lost is told in the alternating voices of Bunny, who gave birth to Jessica in 1947, and Jil (originally named Jessica), The Baby, as Bunny always thought of her, the 42-year-old woman who seeks for her birth parents. It was heart wrenching and riveting. And also something more for me as an adult adoptee and adoptive mother. The idea of the shadow life hit home, as did this sentence from the last chapter written by Jil: "Our lives... were marked by adoption. She lived with the shame of what she had done, as I lived with the wound of what had been done to me." This is a must read for every woman whose life has been touched by adoption.

[Robyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not usually so generous w my ratings but being an adoptive mother this book means a lot to me. Both women's experiences resonate w me. I talk to my son all the time about being adopted and he can recite his adoption story - but to Jil's point, he doesn't know anything else and probably doesn't know that not everyone is adopted. It's important too to remember that although adoption evokes a lot of love we have to be mindful that there is the other side of the story that cannot be ignored -loss.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

My only struggle with this book was that it was sometimes difficult for me to keep the two different story lines straight. Written by Jil (an adult adoptee) and Bunny (Jil's birth mother), the chapters alternate. Both are talented writers and, from time to time, I'd find myself reading a chapter and thinking,"Wait. Jil got divorced? No, let me see. Ohhh, this is Bunny's chapter."

Besides that, I found it fascinating to read Jil and Bunny's life stories side by side, especially since the birth mother's point of view is often forgotten.

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book offered an interesting perspective on adoption - not one I necessarily expected. The adopted mother was viewed so negatively throughout the story that it made me want to hear her side of the story. I was also a little shocked at the repeated reminder by the birth mother than adoption was NOT necessarily a better option than abortion...it was a valid point, the way she explained it, but it definitely opened my eyes to some aspects of adoption I had never considered before.

[Kathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jil Picariello always knew that she was adopted, and when she was in her forties, she found her birth mother, Faith "Bunny" Crumpacker. In this biography, both Jil and Bunny tell their stories. It gives an interesting picture of adoption in the 50's, but the story starts to drag near the end. Also, once Jil meets and befriends her birth mother, her attitude toward her adoptive mother seems to become much more negative.

[Rebecca Sandham Mathwin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Compelling joint memoir written by a birth mother and the daughter she gave away for adoption. Smart, honest and touching in addition to being a quick read. I really liked how the chapters were structured with each woman alternatively telling her story. I also appreciated that there were plenty of photos of the women and their families (I like to see what people look like). One of the best memoirs I've read in quite some time.

[Janet · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was disappointed and definitely didn't like this book. Bunny and Jil, the daughter she gave away and found 40 years later through searches on both sides, seem self-absorbed and mostly interested in how much alike they are. Jil attaches herself to her birth-mother's ex-husband, only to find out later that her birth father is a famous writer who really isn't that interested in her. The political statements at the end were a real turnoff.

[Alicia · Rating 3 out of 5]

A wish we could give half stars..I would rate this one at 3 1/2. A powerful story of a biological mom and her daughter that she put up for adoption. I didn't give it 4 stars because at times it was hard to remember who was writing. The story is written from both the mother and daughters point of view and their writting styles are very similiar.

Worth the time to read it...

[Jezebel Parks · Rating 1 out of 5]

I tried so hard to love this book, but it just wasn't meant to be. It was a very slow start, and I barely got into it at all. The fact that the chapters are written from different points of view threw me off to the point where I couldn't tell who was talking at times. I couldn't finish this. It looks like a short read, but it's so boring that it feels three times as long.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was an extraordinary story. I loved how the birth mother and adoptee daughter alternated the storytelling from chapter to chapter. I even felt empathy for the adopted mother, who wanted children so badly and yet, was unable to truly accept the blessings of the children she adopted. I would have loved to read her 'side' of the story.

[Nikki Myers · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was okay! I'm always interested in the nature vs. nurture side of humans. Its intriguing that you can be so much like someone you never met. And is interesting how a mom can come to the decision to give a child away. I may go back and reread the part on how exactly she found her bio-parents. It just so happens that I'm adopted also and 40. It was a nice book to add to my read list!

[Carmen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A woman decides to find her birth parents in her 40's. The journey leads her down a path that is joyful and sad. She finds a very good connection with her birth mother, but discovers some confusion about her birth father. Things did not work out as hoped. In the process, she discusses what she thinks about her mother, her birth mother and the mother she is. How all of this affected her.

[Diana Vuiller · Rating 4 out of 5]

Adoption stories are all different.,.theres no right or wrong way to ones feelings. This book was amazingly truthful & hard to read at times, but that's how most of everyone's lives are. I enjoyed the honesty of both women's views of their lives. Would recommend...and I'm not adopted nor given a child up for adoption.

[Kinyorda Sliwiak · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very creative format. It is interesting how similar the birth mother and adopted daughter's lives are even though they are apart for so many years. A little slow in the beginning when they are giving the background info and would have liked more information on their lives as adults towards the end but overall a good read.

[Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got this awhile back from Goodreads First Reads. I had to keep picking it up and putting it back down again. Nothing about it really drew me in and after months I still havent brought myself to finish it. Maybe others can find more enjoyment in this book, but I cannot.

[Stacy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being an adoptive mom, I really enjoyed both the perspective of the adopted child and the birth mother. Very well written, and even suspenseful. It's sad how secretive and somewhat damaging closed adoptions used to be, and I'm glad they have gotten much more open.

[Melissa Stickney · Rating 3 out of 5]

Birth mother/ reunited daughter autobiography. Well written if you read through all of Jill's, then all of Bunny's chapters. If you have a connection to adoption, I would recommend it. A mostly happy story.

[Marty · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the book, and no I am not adopted, or have I given up a child. The story seemed from the soul, and I can see how these events have lasting effect.
I found it a good quick read, and I too at times had to check to see who the chapter was from

[Amanda · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a little slow, though it picked up once Bunny gave up her baby for adoption. There was nothing really wrong with it, it just took longer to read than I wanted it to and wasn't as good as I had hoped.

[Deela · Rating 4 out of 5]

A story of adoption told from the point of views of the "baby" and birth mother. This was a freebie on my nook, so I read it...and enjoyed it. It's written in a journal type manner and it was easy to emphathize with all parties.

[Sallyk · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good. The mother and daughter alternate chapters, which was effective, but a little confusing at times. I love the story. Both mother and daughter write very well. The book was moving, but probably not as much so as Following the Tambourine Man, which had a lot of similarities.

[Laura Merrill · Rating 3 out of 5]

ABC Book Pick, Nov 2011, Judy
We liked the fact that this book was accessible - easy to read and concise. There wasn't much trust in this book. It seemed that all relationships were strained. This book made us think a lot about adoption and how that impacts families.