Stepmotherhood: How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked

by Cherie Burns

If you’re one of the more than 15 million stepmothers in the country, you know the particular trials—and joys—of stepfamily dynamics today. You wonder if you’re doing the right thing and, as a stepmother, many of your specific questions are unique. In this second edition of How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked , journalist and stepmother Cherie Burns brings together countless insights and sound advice, based on the latest research and interviews with experts in the field (including dozens of other stepmoms), to answer questions such

• How do you manage discipline when parents and stepparents disagree?
• How can you help stepsiblings get along?
• How do you handle birthdays, holidays, and weddings?
• What’s the best way to get along with your stepchild’s mother?
• When should you seek a therapist’s help?

Burns’s wise and empathetic suggestions go beyond struggle, stigma, and compromise, showing how sensitive, informed stepmothers can take charge—and pride—in their role, becoming more effective and fulfilled.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

272 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1985

Reviews

[Darcy Petersen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read at least half of this book before I felt that it was really not going to be useful or helpful in any way. I think that it is mainly written for someone who had very unrealistic expectations and was very disappointed in their marriage with their partner and/or for someone with a poor relationship with their stepchildren. It does a good job of reassuring you that it's ok not to be a replacement mother, and it's ok if you all don't get along, and to just breathe when things are different than you wanted. Those are very straightforward things that you can handle without this book. For someone who is feeling badly about their situation, it might offer something, but I felt that it didn't really apply to 90% of my experiences as a stepmom.

[Daniela · Rating 4 out of 5]

I took my time to read this book. My stepchildren are young adults and live out of state; so I felt inclined to read this book on every trip and visit we had.

This book refers to different scenarios and for different types of stepmoms depending on the legal agreements and ages of the children.

I think it has something for every stepmother. It helped me to be realistic and also to understand the dynamic better. It’s not YOU, it’s the role that you play in the picture. I found this book comforting and enlightening with what applied to my family situation.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book. Some parts didn't apply to my situation in particular but I think it made a lot of interesting points and gave me some ideas for my own life. Out of all the step parenting books, especially those dealing with the stigma of stepmother, so far this is the best one.

[Sara Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book sets out to do exactly what it means to: scare the hell out of anyone who is a stepmother. Basically, you're fucked. But at least you know that the rest of them are, too. (this doesn't apply to me. My stepdaughter is one of the best people I know.)

[Cambron · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just painted a horrible picture in my head of the classic bimbo blonde homewrecker, trying to play mommy. Not very informative, just examples.

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

So relatable

It’s good to feel like your not alone. The book also offers solutions without being preachy. I’d recommend it to any stepmother.

[Sarah Jansky]

I liked this book, because I can relate and connect to it. My aunt has 2 adopted children and it is sort of the same thing. I choose this book because I love children, and I thought that it would talk a little bit about the kids too. I also was kind of curious as to what the subtitle,"How To Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, Or Wicked" meant. I would recommend this book to anyone who would like to learn about the ups and downs of beeping a stepmother, because it shares anecdotes from birth people that had good and bad experiences. I think the theme of this story is that every thing you do in life takes patients, no matter how big that thing is, or how small tha thing is. This book reminds me of my cousins and my aunt, because my cousins are adopted. I think that adopted children's parents deal with the same types of things as stepmothers do. I think that Cherie Burns write thins book to get her thoughts and feelings out, and to tell other stepmothers that they are not alone.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found it really helpful to read a book on the best ways to approach being a stepmother. It was great to hear that we aren't doing everything wrong, and then to identify areas we can improve. The book is a little outdated, but mostly the concepts are the same. I wish it had more actionable solutions/recommendations, and less stories of other people's situations. It definitely covers a wide range of topics.

[Sara · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't really get much out of this book, other than "it's ok not to like your stepkids", which is the case sometimes. LOL.

I am in a different situation than most though (5 year custodial stepmom, biomom is mentally ill) so maybe that's why it wasn't helpful. I think this book would help new stepmoms transition better.

[Kimberly Chadwick]

I didn't read if front to back, but read what I felt was pertinent to my situation. I felt relieved that I am not the only one who feels the feelings that comes with being a stepmother. I highly recommend this book to everyone choosing to care for other's children. Even those that have been at it for a while~

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was great and I learned a lot from reading it - especially not to take everything personally that comes along. This is even appropriate to everyday life, not just necessarily being a step-parent!

[Allison · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a better desk reference than read. Not a cushy/feel good book. Not a first read if your in for the long haul. Good book to go back to and re-read.

[Bella · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have finished this book yet but I enjoy it. I started high lighting passages for my husband to pay attention to since he knows I struggle in my role.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really helpful. Really makes you think. Definitely not uplifting, but gives good insight and advice in this new trend of blended families.

[Tiffany · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was so-so. Read The Smart Stepmom by Ron L. Deal earlier this year and found more practical advice in that book.

[Vicki Edkin · Rating 4 out of 5]

didn't read cover to cover skipped around a lot and it was helpful

[Georgette Beck · Rating 4 out of 5]

Purchased this book as part of my research for one of my book projects. An excellent read, even with difficult content. A very helpful book for stepmoms.

[Danita Berg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Survival essential. :-)