Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain

by Rona Subotnik, Gloria Harris

Nothing your marriage has sustained in the past compares to the pain of discovering that your spouse has been unfaithful. The betrayal, rage, sadness, and jealousy is unlike anything you've experienced before. And yet it is possible to move forward, decide what to do in your marriage, and most important, heal. For more than ten years, Surviving Infidelity has been offering sage advice and compassionate, nonjudgmental analysis. Based on the private practices of licensed marriage and family therapist Rona B. Subotnik and clinical psychologist Gloria G. Harris, Ph.D., this third edition has been completely updated and gives you strategies to: Understand the different kinds of affairs and why they happen, including Internet and emotional affairs Cope with your emotions, from grief to rage Repair the marriage if you choose to Learn what it takes to be a survivor Surviving Infidelity, Third Edition brings you the new hope and the empathy you need in this difficult time.

Genres: Relationships, Self Help, Nonfiction

309 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 1, 1993

Reviews

[Neil · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was suggested as a source I could use for some research I was doing for a paper. I found it to be an interesting book that had some good suggestions on how to handle different aspects of infidelity, how it impacts your marriage, and provides some steps you can take to work on improving your marriage relationship or what you can do to survive the failure of your marriage and subsequent divorce. It did hold my interest throughout much of the book as I read it; however, it seemed like the first three chapters were more stories about people either discussing their affairs (albeit briefly) or discovering their spouses had been having an affair and how it affected them.

Oddly enough, it did help me out a bit with some of the suggestions on steps I can take to work on and improve my marital relationship. It also helped me to seriously consider some frustrations in my marriage and what is my responsibility versus my wife's responsibility.

I think the biggest think I took from the book is that each spouse is a thinking, responsible individual and each spouse needs to take responsibility for his or her own decisions and actions. If one spouse engages in an adulterous relationship, that is, ultimately, their decision and the wounded spouse does not need to take responsibility for the other spouse's decision. Yes, each spouse has a part to play, but each of us chooses how we are going to react to the other person's behavior, if we are going to make 'smart' choices and react appropriately or if we are going to make poor choices and react inappropriately.

While I do not necessarily agree with EVERYTHING they said, I felt they did have some useful pointers, ideas, and suggestions to help people working through the painful processes of either discovering a spouse has been committing adultery or what happens afterwards (either repairing the marriage relationship or divorce).

[Selli · Rating 5 out of 5]

𝖥𝗈𝗋 𝗆𝗈𝗇𝗍𝗁𝗌, 𝖨 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗏𝗂𝗇𝖼𝖾𝖽 𝗆𝗒𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿 𝖨 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀. 𝖬𝗒 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍𝗇𝖾𝗋 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖺𝖿𝖿𝖾𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗍𝖾, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝗌𝗁𝗂𝖿𝗍𝖾𝖽. 𝖳𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝗀𝗎𝖺𝗋𝖽𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝗉𝗁𝗈𝗇𝖾, 𝗆𝖺𝖽𝖾 𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗍-𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗎𝗍𝖾 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗇𝗌, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗆𝖾𝖽 𝖾𝗆𝗈𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗇𝗍.
𝖨 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝗋𝗂𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖾𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗌𝗎𝗌𝗉𝗂𝖼𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗌𝗂𝗅𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗅𝗒, 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝖼𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖿𝗅𝗂𝖼𝗍. 𝖡𝗎𝗍 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾, 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝗈𝗎𝖻𝗍 𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝗀𝗋𝖾𝗐 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗏𝗂𝖾𝗋.
𝖶𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝖨 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝖺𝗌𝗄𝖾𝖽 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗁𝖾𝗅𝗉, 𝗂𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌𝗇’𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗈𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉, 𝗂𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗉 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗈𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝗒 𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗉𝖾𝖺𝖼𝖾. 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗅𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗒 𝖨 𝗋𝖾𝖼𝖾𝗂𝗏𝖾𝖽 𝗀𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗆𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗀𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗈 𝗆𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗐𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖿𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾.
𝖨𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎’𝗏𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗅𝗂𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗊𝗎𝗂𝖾𝗍 𝗎𝗇𝖾𝖺𝗌𝖾, 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗏𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝗎𝗍𝗁. 𝖸𝗈𝗎 𝗆𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝖻𝖾 𝗌𝗎𝗋𝗉𝗋𝗂𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝗍 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝖿𝗋𝖾𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗍 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐.
𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚗 𝚊𝚝 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚒𝚝 𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚌𝚕𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚎. Reach out for help

Ｇｍａｉｌ ： ｔｅｃｈｇｕｙ７０７０＠ｇｍａｉｌ．ｃｏｍ
ＷｈａｔｓＡｐｐ ： ＋１ （２４０） ７９２‑９１８３
Ｔｅｌｅｇｒａｍ：  ＠ａｒｅａｓｐｙ

[Marichell · Rating 5 out of 5]

For Anyone that is Married or Single

This was a very hard book to read. It gives you insights to what the different types of affairs are, how it has affected some, how one can recover. So many good stories in this book that anyone can relate to.
I recommend this book to everyone that wants to know what can happen to one's relationship. Keep an open mind. Don't think it can never happen to you. If it does, I am truly sorry. But know that you are not alone.

[Vicki Lannerholm · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exceptional book with insights on how to navigate a relationship where your partner has cheated. Should you stay or should you go? No complicated formula's, just straight understanding and practical strategies.

[Diane Wallace · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read! Really helpful book that gives understanding and tools for healing after infidelity.

Best book I have read on surviving and thriving after infidelity. This book explains the different kinds of cheaters and why they do what they do. It is very realistic in what kind of relationships can survive infidelity and those best walked away from. No pat answers or judgement offering many options and reasons for people’s choices.

[Thomas Lanphier · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book that helped me put the pieces back together after my ex wife’s illicit affair.

[Debbie Duran · Rating 3 out of 5]

Second time I've read this book. It does help during this difficult time.