Real Men Don't Eat Quiche

by Bruce Feirstein, Lee Lorenz (Illustrator)

A tongue-in-cheek look at contemporary masculinity and the habits, character traits, and attitudes that identify the stereotypical macho man

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Comedy, American

92 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1982

About the author

Bruce Feirstein is an American screenwriter and humorist, best known for his contributions to the James Bond series and his best-selling humor books, including "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche" and "Nice Guys Sleep Alone". "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche" was on the New York Times best seller list for 53 weeks.

He lives with his wife, Madeline Warren, and twin children in Los Angeles. Warren is a former studio executive responsible for overseeing the production of many feature films, including My Favorite Year, Tin Cup, The Man Who Knew Too Little, and the Oscar-nominated L.A. Confidential.

Reviews

[Manny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Left versus right. In versus out. U versus Non-U. Yang versus Yin. None of these are remotely as important as the fundamental opposition between Real Man and Quiche-Eater, as revealed in Professor Feirstein's seminal work.

In case you're in any doubt as to which is which, I've just drawn up the following table, based on a careful study of the principles described in this marvelous book. Enjoy!

Real men

Ian Fleming, From Russia With Love
Winston Churchill, The Second World War
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
George Orwell, 1984
Dante Aligheri, La Divina Commedia
Jackie Collins, Hollywood Wives
Jan Kjærstad, Forføraren
Frank Herbert, Dune
E. Nesbit, The Enchanted Castle
Albert Camus, L'Homme Revolté
Søren Kierkegaard, A Seducer's Diary
Iain M. Banks, Consider Phlebas
Ludwig Wittgenstein, Philosophical Investigations
John Ajvide Lindkvist, Låt Den Rätte Komma In
Voltaire, Candide
Ursula Le Guin, A Wizard of Earthsea
Robert J. Fischer, My 60 Memorable Games
Richard Feynman, QED
William Shakespeare, The Sonnets
Marguerite Duras, L'Amant

Quiche eaters

Sebastian Faulks, Devil May Care
Bill Clinton, My Life
Stephen Donaldson, Lord Foul's Bane
Arthur Koestler, Darkness At Noon
John Bunyan, The Pilgrim's Progress
Virginia Andrews, Flowers in the Attic
Lars Saabye Christensen, Halvbroren
Brian Herbert, The Butlerian Jihad
Enid Blyton, Five on a Treasure Island
Jean-Paul Sartre, L'Être et le Néant
Eric Weber, How To Pick Up Girls
E.E. Doc Smith, Galactic Patrol
Jacques Derrida, De La Grammatologie
Stephenie Meyer, Twilight
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Garry Kasparov, Child of Change
Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time
T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land
Erica Jong, Fear of Flying

[Kaethe · Rating 1 out of 5]

I suppose it was around this time that society became so deeply concerned with the possibility that all men would become sensitive like Donahue and Alan Alda, and developed a terribly anxious machismo. I'm gonna blame this guy for all the angst since, particularly the concern that guys don't read. No doubt this wretched excuse for humor was radioactive enough to damage their DNA and put all the boy babies off reading as well.

[Mike · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a very dated parody book. I probably read it back in the 80's. It is worth mentioning that the epitome of real men as defined in this book was Olympic decathlon athletes and in particular, Bruce Jenner. The irony of this alone made this worth reading. My how things have changed.

[Manny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jag brukar inte tycker om översättningar, men svenska upplagan av den här boken är en liten pärla. Översättaren, kanske inte alltid helt nykter, njöt stort av sitt uppdrag och hittade på nytt material hela tiden. Jag läste boken för 40 år sen och kommer fortfarande ihåg stora delar av den. "Testa dig själv" var särskilt lyckad, här får du några provexemplar:

"En viss förslumrad norsk nation skjuter på en svensk fiskebåt och ger dem böter. Vad gör du?"

"Din flickvän talar om för dig att hon har ett förhållande med en annan kvinna. Vad gör du?" (Jag tror att svaren var "Skicka paté"; "Skicka bomber"; "Fråga om du får titta på")

"Hur många kvinnor har du legat med under senaste året?" ("Mindre än 100": 0 poäng, inte tillräckligt; "100-300": 5 poäng, ett gott antal; "mer än 300": -1 poäng, en riktigt karl gör sig inte billig).

På slutet står det: OBS, bästa resultat är noll poäng. Riktiga karlar tror inte på dumma enkäter.

[Jeffrey Paul · Rating 1 out of 5]

worth two laughs...best part of the book is that it took 20mins to read.

[AllyRose Caruso · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was funny, but like not funny enough to ever make me laugh.

[Erin *Proud Book Hoarder* · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cute book that sometimes seems to take itself seriously but mainly pokes fun at itself. Plenty of creativity here, which is really why it's four stars rather than three - charts, movies, songs, dating, sex, work, clothing, they go into detail about "real men." It's sexist as can be but it's obviously a humorous parody as well so it's meant to be read and taken as tongue-in-cheek.

[Ruth · Rating 2 out of 5]

c1982. A book whose title has become a catch phrase for a generation. "Real Men don't play games with wine in restaurants; they don't sniff the cork and say things like 'It's a small, unpretentious, fruity red with ambitious overtones of Bordeaux' about a $4 bottle of Ripple."

[Jeff Beland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun short read. I probably read this book about a hundred times over the past 25 years. It makes me laugh every time. Yes, it's an old book. Old enough that when I call somebody a "Quiche eater" they look at me confused and sometimes even say, "Yeah I like quiche"

[Nikos Dunno · Rating 1 out of 5]

I bought this after one of my colleagues at work mentioned it, and mostly out of curiosity. Even if I leave the political correctness aside, I still don't understand how this is meant to be funny. It's like a joke with a predictable punchline that goes on for too long.

[Rick McNeely · Rating 2 out of 5]

Amusing bit of early-80's piffle, comical for the time trip. Tongue-in-cheek enough not to offend the easily offended, crude enough for a NASCAR-belch. What's a VHS?

[Gio C · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great little satire of a novel and not meant to be taken seriously. I was actually surprised how some of the issues we are having today actually pop up in this short book. I actually laughed. If you get a chance its a nice easy quick read.

[Chris Dean · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit dated, but a decent piece of satire

[Ben Scobie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is nowhere near funny and the fact it was written at anytime is testament to how little women have been listened to and heard within recent history. The fact it's even still read is proof of how slow society is changing.
Open it up to any page to see a real treat of masculine insight such as a lesbian just being a woman that hasn't met a "real man" yet.
I'm glad I found it though so I can ensure no one reads this copy again.

[Steve Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had me laughing out loud at its absurdity. Back in the 80's, I had a teacher who would read us excerpts from this book and they always amused me. It's definitely not politically correct and he would never be able to bring it to school today. If your mind needs a break, this is a fun, quick read available for your enjoyment

[Charles · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not my cup of tea.

[Michael · Rating 3 out of 5]

Juvenile as it was, I thought the coolest, funniest book I'd ever read when it came out.

Of course, I was only 12 years old when it came out..so that probably explains it.

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember this book because soon after it came out in the 80's my late Dad recommended it to me. I loved it at the time for its tongue in cheek over the top masculinity defending humor. Upon revisiting it decades later the humor still holds up. Although many of the pop cultural references may be dated and may be confusing to younger generations. One that was really dated was the reference to Bruce Jenner being a "real man" because he won the decathlon so I'm not sure Caitlyn Jenner still qualifies as a real man these days. It's possible because many women were listed as a "real man" so they were not limited by biological gender. It's obvious this was a tongue-in-cheek satirical look at society and gender roles at the time. Although I couldn't help think that the current President had read this back then and actually thought was serious. It would explain a lot of his over the top unapologetic macho behavior that seems dated from decades ago. Aside from politics it is a funny short satirical book with now dated pop culture references which to the millennial generation may be puzzling.

[John Van Heezik · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was shocked to find the book had little content with illustrations to try and increase the number of pages. The book didn't really have much in the way of sentences and paragraphs. It is not how you would perceive a book to be, basically it wasn't well written. Most people would be ashamed to have their name as the author of such a 'book'. It was probably written for The 'real man' who has literacy problems. 40% of any population has literacy and numeracy problems and many of this group are 'real men'. Of course, the book is dated and it is meant to be humourous. Some of the content is beyond comprehension but if you visited the United States you might find some truth in it. With all the gay ponytail hairstyles many guys throughout the world now have, I guess they have a constant diet of quiche and no real meat,etc. These quiche eaters can't possibly be athletes. A real man has an ideal balance and doesn't go to the extremes that are reflected in the book.

[Patrick Neylan · Rating 2 out of 5]

A tedious polemic that isn't sure if it's satirising macho men or satirising new-age men. It doesn't work either way.

Also, this "special forthright True Brit edition" isn't anything of the sort. There are some changes from the US original, such as changing the verb "practice" to "practise" but it still has references to "stickball", "Allstate Trucking", "Michelob beer" and "the National Rifle Association". Real British men have no idea what these things are.

To be fair, they did rewrite the chapter on sport.

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny and full of laughs, but definitely dated. It was written in 1982, and had many references younger people will not understand. Bruce Jenner is mentioned in the book as being the manliest Real Man from the Olympics, which just goes to show that she did a really good job of portraying that character in the 1970s. I read so many of the pages to my husband. A great book, but you have to be old enough to know the people that are mentioned.

[MaryAlice · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am in process of purging apartment Complex library. Decided to read Real Men Don't Eat Quiche by Bruce Feirstein. because it said:

In true, Real Man Fashion, thousands of live trees were sacrificed in order to make this book.
Real Men, after all, couldn't possibly take anything seriously that was written on recycled paper.

I thought it might be funny. Other than that blurb, nothing else in the short book gave me a smile.

[Chian.EXE · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was so funny that it was very satirical of how society viewed men during the olden days. While there were some references I wasn't able to completely understand due to the generation gap I still found the book to be funny since there are some people who live like they are "real men" from 1950. According to my quiz results at the end of the book, I am a real modern day Gary Cooper which I take much pride inᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ/jk. Funny read and even funnier title, would recommend it.

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

I needed something light and mindless to read after the last book I read. This is a hoot of a book. I laughed so hard.

[michael robinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely hilarious!

[Linda · Rating 2 out of 5]

Somewhat amusing, but mostly just silly.

[HaakonBoken · Rating 3 out of 5]

nå er jeg et ekte mannfolk

[John D. · Rating 5 out of 5]

read this years ago. shortly after it came out
I liked the book in its self.

[Peter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Om den originale engelske versjonen var meint seriøst eller ikkje bryr eg meg fint lite om. Detta er ei nydelig lite ironisk verk.

[Douglas Estey · Rating 1 out of 5]

The humour from 1982 is very tired today. Having been alive in 1982; however, I can relate to the moment. But, I’ve become a grownup since then. Save your time for something else.