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Love Shrinks: A Memoir of a Marriage Counselor's Divorce
For twenty years, Sharyn Wolf, a practicing psychotherapist and "relationship expert," has helped revitalize the marriages of countless couples. But while she was being interviewed on Oprah and 48 Hours to talk about her nationally bestselling books that instructed millions on how to flirt, find mates, and "stay lovers for life," she was going home every night to a dark secret: a totally failed marriage of her own to a good man she just couldn't leave.
In Love Shrinks, Sharyn tells the mind-bending—and yet deeply relatable—story of her (third!) marriage. In anecdotes that range from poignant to horrifying to sidesplittingly funny to heartrending, she explains how it is possible for two good people to make each other totally miserable and yet still be unable to leave. In fifteen years of marriage, she and her husband had sex twice. Despite the fact that Sharyn was a national bestselling self-help author, her husband couldn't bring himself to read a single one of her books. Communication between them had failed so utterly that the simple domestic activity of buying a couch together escalated to disastrous proportions. Yet through it all, they stay together—even though neither one knows why. Sharyn ends each chapter with a touching story of why she could never bear to leave this man who made her so unhappy.
Painted against the backdrop of her psychotherapy practice, real-life illustrative cases of her patients, and the wacky story of career trajectory, Sharyn turns her analytical eye on herself and her husband and deftly depicts a marriage on its long last legs. The result is this beautiful and sad tapestry of a hidden and omnipresent human condition. You will not be able to put her book down.
In Love Shrinks, Sharyn tells the mind-bending—and yet deeply relatable—story of her (third!) marriage. In anecdotes that range from poignant to horrifying to sidesplittingly funny to heartrending, she explains how it is possible for two good people to make each other totally miserable and yet still be unable to leave. In fifteen years of marriage, she and her husband had sex twice. Despite the fact that Sharyn was a national bestselling self-help author, her husband couldn't bring himself to read a single one of her books. Communication between them had failed so utterly that the simple domestic activity of buying a couch together escalated to disastrous proportions. Yet through it all, they stay together—even though neither one knows why. Sharyn ends each chapter with a touching story of why she could never bear to leave this man who made her so unhappy.
Painted against the backdrop of her psychotherapy practice, real-life illustrative cases of her patients, and the wacky story of career trajectory, Sharyn turns her analytical eye on herself and her husband and deftly depicts a marriage on its long last legs. The result is this beautiful and sad tapestry of a hidden and omnipresent human condition. You will not be able to put her book down.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2011
14 people are currently reading
172 people want to read
About the author
Sharyn Wolf
9 books2 followersSharyn Wolf, R-LCSW , is a New York State licensed psychotherapist with twenty-three years of clinical experience in her Manhattan based private practice. She is the author of five books on relationships and one memoir and has been a frequent guest on more than four-hundred television and radio shows, including Oprah, Today, and CNN. Her work has been profiled internationally in publications such as The Wall Street Journal, Newsweek, The Boston Globe, The Washington Post, The Seattle Times, and The New York Times who wrote, “Sharyn Wolf charts a course on the bumpy road to love.”
Through her long career, Sharyn has worked with individuals, couples, groups and families who have experienced the many varying challenges that life presents. She brings empathy, wisdom and a sense of safety. Sharyn is nationally known for her practical, down-to-earth approach as well as her sense of humor.
In addition, for twenty years, she led hundreds of relationship and dating workshops from Boston to Seattle. In 2005, she served as a national spokesperson and consultant for Viagra.
Outside of the realm of psychotherapy, Sharyn paid her rent for seventeen years as a jazz and R&B singer where she opened for B.B. King, Taj Mahal, Robert Klein, David Brenner and Victor Borge among others. She has been a jewelry designer featured in Vogue and with a case at Barney’s.
Sharyn has also been an avid bicyclist completing an AIDS ride where she raised $3,600 and taking a solo trip from Astoria, Oregon to Crescent City, CA with her tent and sleeping bag on her bike. She is an avid pet lover and her late cairn terrier, Sparky Jones, never missed a group therapy session in eight years.
- excerpted from her website
Through her long career, Sharyn has worked with individuals, couples, groups and families who have experienced the many varying challenges that life presents. She brings empathy, wisdom and a sense of safety. Sharyn is nationally known for her practical, down-to-earth approach as well as her sense of humor.
In addition, for twenty years, she led hundreds of relationship and dating workshops from Boston to Seattle. In 2005, she served as a national spokesperson and consultant for Viagra.
Outside of the realm of psychotherapy, Sharyn paid her rent for seventeen years as a jazz and R&B singer where she opened for B.B. King, Taj Mahal, Robert Klein, David Brenner and Victor Borge among others. She has been a jewelry designer featured in Vogue and with a case at Barney’s.
Sharyn has also been an avid bicyclist completing an AIDS ride where she raised $3,600 and taking a solo trip from Astoria, Oregon to Crescent City, CA with her tent and sleeping bag on her bike. She is an avid pet lover and her late cairn terrier, Sparky Jones, never missed a group therapy session in eight years.
- excerpted from her website
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 40 reviews
October 31, 2012
This book broke my heart.
It also confused me a little bit. Sharyn Wolf has written several books about making love last, but her marriage seems to have been a fairly dysfunctional one from the beginning. Were the books things that she knew "in theory" even though they also couldn't save her own marriage? Were they a way for her to hide from the lack she felt in her relationship with her husband? Can any of us really trust what we hear from relationship "gurus"?
At first, it's all too easy to judge Sharyn. She makes some really awful choices, like marrying (and wanting to stay with) a man even though he told her the first time they met that he had cheated on his wife *on their honeymoon*. I found myself judging her for her multiple divorces, too -- didn't she realize that marriages were supposed to be lifelong commitments? Still, as the story progresses and I gained greater insight into all the pieces that went into making her into who she was, my judgment lessened as my compassion deepened. I wondered whether I would have been able to stay in her marriage as long as she did. Yet, despite the many ways her husband let her down and disregarded her needs, she managed to never demonize him by interspersing stories about "why she stayed married" throughout the narrative -- the way her husband ran to the grocery store in the middle of the night because she couldn't sleep without a piece of bread before bed; the way he gave her the last sips of his water and the last of his food when they were weak and dehydrated on a grand canyon hike; the stories he told her about his childhood. In these moments, I wanted to say, "Hold onto that, hold onto that!" But at other times, my skin crawled at her descriptions of her husband's behavior -- despite how short this book is, it's incredibly layered and rich.
In some places, it doesn't feel like it's about the marriage at all, as she tells stories about her childhood, her previous relationships, her therapy practice. Then you come to understand that all of these things are inexplicably linked to her marriage, just like we all bring the baggage of our entire life to our relationships. As someone who has been in therapy, I really recognized a lot of the stories she told about her own clients and her experiences with therapy. It brought me right back to that room, and filled me with gratitude again for the people who are willing to walk with others through so much pain, confusion, and suffering.
Finally, this book was just plain well written. Although there were times here and there when the chronology was confusing, most of the time, I was too absorbed to care.
It also confused me a little bit. Sharyn Wolf has written several books about making love last, but her marriage seems to have been a fairly dysfunctional one from the beginning. Were the books things that she knew "in theory" even though they also couldn't save her own marriage? Were they a way for her to hide from the lack she felt in her relationship with her husband? Can any of us really trust what we hear from relationship "gurus"?
At first, it's all too easy to judge Sharyn. She makes some really awful choices, like marrying (and wanting to stay with) a man even though he told her the first time they met that he had cheated on his wife *on their honeymoon*. I found myself judging her for her multiple divorces, too -- didn't she realize that marriages were supposed to be lifelong commitments? Still, as the story progresses and I gained greater insight into all the pieces that went into making her into who she was, my judgment lessened as my compassion deepened. I wondered whether I would have been able to stay in her marriage as long as she did. Yet, despite the many ways her husband let her down and disregarded her needs, she managed to never demonize him by interspersing stories about "why she stayed married" throughout the narrative -- the way her husband ran to the grocery store in the middle of the night because she couldn't sleep without a piece of bread before bed; the way he gave her the last sips of his water and the last of his food when they were weak and dehydrated on a grand canyon hike; the stories he told her about his childhood. In these moments, I wanted to say, "Hold onto that, hold onto that!" But at other times, my skin crawled at her descriptions of her husband's behavior -- despite how short this book is, it's incredibly layered and rich.
In some places, it doesn't feel like it's about the marriage at all, as she tells stories about her childhood, her previous relationships, her therapy practice. Then you come to understand that all of these things are inexplicably linked to her marriage, just like we all bring the baggage of our entire life to our relationships. As someone who has been in therapy, I really recognized a lot of the stories she told about her own clients and her experiences with therapy. It brought me right back to that room, and filled me with gratitude again for the people who are willing to walk with others through so much pain, confusion, and suffering.
Finally, this book was just plain well written. Although there were times here and there when the chronology was confusing, most of the time, I was too absorbed to care.
April 15, 2011
Wolf's memoir of childhood pain and strangled attempts at love are blended seamlessly amidst glimpses of her patient's own raw and honest stories. "Love Shrinks" is told with enough simplicity to let the words flow smoothly forward, and the truth in her words touches on the relationship wounds we all carry with us, no matter how large or small.
This is a captivating read that I found myself thinking about even after I put the book aside, and I feel sure that everyone that reads Wolf's memoir will find a little piece of themselves tucked somewhere within the pages.
This is a captivating read that I found myself thinking about even after I put the book aside, and I feel sure that everyone that reads Wolf's memoir will find a little piece of themselves tucked somewhere within the pages.
April 14, 2013
This was a weird read. I don't think it would ever occur to me to become some sort of Oprah-approved marriage "expert" if I were unable to have anything resembling a semi-functional relationship. Different strokes.
March 19, 2012
This woman is a mess and never deserved the popularity she garnered by appearing on Oprah.
October 8, 2012
I don't know what attracted me to this book. It is outside my normal reading genre and I had never heard of Sharyn Wolfe. It was on the new books shelf of the public library. Upon finishing it (one sitting), I searched the internet, and realized, even more than while reading it, how much personal pain and unraveling this book required.
As I began the book I thought about its irony, but as the story progressed, it is not at all ironic. Her marriage was a symptom; her career choice, almost predictable (its success due to her intelligence, creativity, diligence and general skill). Her story is seamless, not beginning with the husbands she "chose" (or chose her) or her profession or the problems of clientele who came to her. It began with her father's childhood and the attitude towards children passed down from her grandparents. It is best exemplified by her father's reaction to her request for a lock on her door.
This is an incredible book and its revelations took an inordinate amount of courage. I rank this with The Confession by Jim McGreevey. This kind of disclosure may be the only way for those with such public careers to correct the image they felt (and probably knew) they needed to succeed. For both Wolf and McGreevey, the chosen career had almost everything to do with the (different) secrets they carried.
As I began the book I thought about its irony, but as the story progressed, it is not at all ironic. Her marriage was a symptom; her career choice, almost predictable (its success due to her intelligence, creativity, diligence and general skill). Her story is seamless, not beginning with the husbands she "chose" (or chose her) or her profession or the problems of clientele who came to her. It began with her father's childhood and the attitude towards children passed down from her grandparents. It is best exemplified by her father's reaction to her request for a lock on her door.
This is an incredible book and its revelations took an inordinate amount of courage. I rank this with The Confession by Jim McGreevey. This kind of disclosure may be the only way for those with such public careers to correct the image they felt (and probably knew) they needed to succeed. For both Wolf and McGreevey, the chosen career had almost everything to do with the (different) secrets they carried.
September 21, 2011
Hey, remember Sharyn Wolf? She was a marriage expert who was on Oprah a lot and wrote books like How to Stay Lovers for Life. It turns out she suffered through three horrible, chaotic marriages. This short memoir is about the last and longest one. It turns out that being a relationship expert who has never in her life experienced a healthy romantic relationship is a heavy burden to bear.
My poor husband confronted me, waved this book around, and demanded, "Why are you reading all these books about divorce?" I explained that I just read a lot; it doesn't mean anything.
My poor husband confronted me, waved this book around, and demanded, "Why are you reading all these books about divorce?" I explained that I just read a lot; it doesn't mean anything.
September 17, 2017
I really like my book. People look for advice from me, but this is a memoir where everything that can go wrong does go wrong--and then some.
May 7, 2011
Review source: Netgalley
Writing style: Wolf is a facile writer and has a knack for writing vignettes that reveal much in a few words. The book was terrifically readable.
Audience: This one stumps me. I read the book because (basically) I wanted the dirt on a bad marriage—you know, like peeking at the carnage from the traffic accident. I guess the real audience might be women in bad marriages who are afraid to leave the marriage. Not sure.
Major ideas: I wouldn’t really call this an ‘idea’ book. It’s basically a memoir: marriage expert fails at marriage. About half of the book is about her marriage, and the other half is about her therapy practice. She has this notion about therapists having therapists and making a giant “therapy chain” and that makes her happy and secure.
Wrap-up: At the end of every chapter, she tells a story about a reason she stayed with her husband for so long, and frankly, I found myself really liking the guy. The reasons she gives for wanting a divorce: he didn’t read her books, he was messy, he was often late. Wolf was sexually abused as a child, so she entered the marriage with some unresolved issues; this fact tells the reader more about the broken relationship than the stories of spats over furniture. In tale after tale of therapy sessions, the author brings her patients’ stories to bear on her own problems—perhaps this was a way of saying that therapists don’t always have it all together, but it came across more like she couldn’t stop thinking about herself and her problems for even one minute. By the time I finished the book, I was completely convinced that I wouldn’t be able to stay married to someone like this either, and I hope that after the divorce, her husband (who she never gave a name to, even a fictional one) found someone who could love him. The book gets points for the readable train-wreck aspect but loses points for not having one thing useful to teach. 2.5/5
Writing style: Wolf is a facile writer and has a knack for writing vignettes that reveal much in a few words. The book was terrifically readable.
Audience: This one stumps me. I read the book because (basically) I wanted the dirt on a bad marriage—you know, like peeking at the carnage from the traffic accident. I guess the real audience might be women in bad marriages who are afraid to leave the marriage. Not sure.
Major ideas: I wouldn’t really call this an ‘idea’ book. It’s basically a memoir: marriage expert fails at marriage. About half of the book is about her marriage, and the other half is about her therapy practice. She has this notion about therapists having therapists and making a giant “therapy chain” and that makes her happy and secure.
Wrap-up: At the end of every chapter, she tells a story about a reason she stayed with her husband for so long, and frankly, I found myself really liking the guy. The reasons she gives for wanting a divorce: he didn’t read her books, he was messy, he was often late. Wolf was sexually abused as a child, so she entered the marriage with some unresolved issues; this fact tells the reader more about the broken relationship than the stories of spats over furniture. In tale after tale of therapy sessions, the author brings her patients’ stories to bear on her own problems—perhaps this was a way of saying that therapists don’t always have it all together, but it came across more like she couldn’t stop thinking about herself and her problems for even one minute. By the time I finished the book, I was completely convinced that I wouldn’t be able to stay married to someone like this either, and I hope that after the divorce, her husband (who she never gave a name to, even a fictional one) found someone who could love him. The book gets points for the readable train-wreck aspect but loses points for not having one thing useful to teach. 2.5/5
January 15, 2017
Two stars because it takes a lot of courage to admit to being a massive fraud. But it's not any higher because I have no idea why she thought it was okay to scam people for so long. Her relationship was doomed from the start, and she had a history of dysfunctional romances. Maybe her success came from what not to do in her own marriage. I read this a long time ago, so I don't remember much. But I don't recall her explaining why she thought it was okay to go on TV and fool so many people, or exactly how her husband came to be so disenchanted with her. It also wasn't very well written. It felt rambly, as if she wrote it in a few hours and didn't revise anything.
November 1, 2012
Love Shrinks is one of the most moving and honest memoirs I've ever read. Wolf is a superb writer who is willing to reveal herself in ways that help the rest of us heal. But this is also an enormously entertaining book, one that once you start you won't be able to put down. I highly recommend it to all my friends.
September 23, 2011
I don't know what it says about me that I'm drawn to memoirs about divorce... especially since my parents aren't divorced, I'm not married, and I don't even know very many divorced people!! Nonetheless, I find them irresistible. This one, however, should be resisted. It's weird and dumb.
August 1, 2011
Thoughtful. Insightful. Depressing.
April 11, 2011
She tells her story well.
July 10, 2023
5.0 out of 5 stars A brave, difficult memoir...
Human behavior has always fascinated me and is, I'm sure, a compelling force behind my life-long love of mystery genre. Before opening the cover to Sharyn Wolf's memoir, Love Shrinks, I enjoyed toying with the multi-layered meanings of her title. The sub-title, "a memoir of a marriage counselor's divorce," raised its own questions: do those, whom we seek for counseling in our own relationship challenges, have thriving, successful marriages or relationships? How, otherwise, could those therapists help others? Was it even possible that a successful author of five self-help books such as 50 Ways to Find a Lover, This Old Spouse, and How to Stay Lovers for Life, had not been a lover with her own spouse for years?
It turned out that the answers were, "Not always," "Yes, they still can," and "Yes, amazingly, that was true."
Wolf drew me into Love Shrinks on the first page with, "This is the story of a marriage counselor who couldn't keep her own marriage together. She had loved her husband in the past, and still loved parts of him. She tried everything she could think of to make their fifteen years work: individual counseling, couple's counseling, group therapy, self-help books, pretending everything was fine, anti-depressant medications, waiting, praying, pretending everything was fine."
Wolf tenaciously held my attention throughout Love Shrinks. She spared no dark facts. Her raw honesty, raucous-at-times humor, and excellent writing skills wove a fascinating memoir. She not only experienced her marital problems at home; she frequently encountered pieces of them as she listened to and worked with her therapy patients. It was interesting that, at times, she gained personal insights into her own situation through her work with a client or when talking with an acquaintance who was relating a problem, as well as in other varied situations.
Early in my reading, the questions I had quickly transformed into a formidable puzzle: why would a smart, attractive, talented woman stay for years in an austere marriage without support for her needs, without sex, and without even basic furniture in their home?
Answers slowly appeared, unfolding in a fascinating manner through Wolf 's unique chapter organization. Following each of the eighteen chapters that chronicled the inner workings of her marriage was a brief personal note, often less than a page, titled "Why I Stayed Married: Reason #1," which described an incredibly touching or loving act that Wolf's spouse, a prominent, talented musician, said or did. These "reason" notes equated to rays of brilliant sunshine peeking out from dark, heavy clouds and each served to renew Wolf's hope for restored conjugal health and happiness. I found this technique a first-rate way to show the rollercoaster ride the couple traveled for their many years together.
For any woman who has ever stayed far too long in an unhealthy relationship, believing that if she just worked a little harder, things would get a little better, Wolf's book gives validation to both the seductiveness and the senselessness of that fantasy.
Human behavior has always fascinated me and is, I'm sure, a compelling force behind my life-long love of mystery genre. Before opening the cover to Sharyn Wolf's memoir, Love Shrinks, I enjoyed toying with the multi-layered meanings of her title. The sub-title, "a memoir of a marriage counselor's divorce," raised its own questions: do those, whom we seek for counseling in our own relationship challenges, have thriving, successful marriages or relationships? How, otherwise, could those therapists help others? Was it even possible that a successful author of five self-help books such as 50 Ways to Find a Lover, This Old Spouse, and How to Stay Lovers for Life, had not been a lover with her own spouse for years?
It turned out that the answers were, "Not always," "Yes, they still can," and "Yes, amazingly, that was true."
Wolf drew me into Love Shrinks on the first page with, "This is the story of a marriage counselor who couldn't keep her own marriage together. She had loved her husband in the past, and still loved parts of him. She tried everything she could think of to make their fifteen years work: individual counseling, couple's counseling, group therapy, self-help books, pretending everything was fine, anti-depressant medications, waiting, praying, pretending everything was fine."
Wolf tenaciously held my attention throughout Love Shrinks. She spared no dark facts. Her raw honesty, raucous-at-times humor, and excellent writing skills wove a fascinating memoir. She not only experienced her marital problems at home; she frequently encountered pieces of them as she listened to and worked with her therapy patients. It was interesting that, at times, she gained personal insights into her own situation through her work with a client or when talking with an acquaintance who was relating a problem, as well as in other varied situations.
Early in my reading, the questions I had quickly transformed into a formidable puzzle: why would a smart, attractive, talented woman stay for years in an austere marriage without support for her needs, without sex, and without even basic furniture in their home?
Answers slowly appeared, unfolding in a fascinating manner through Wolf 's unique chapter organization. Following each of the eighteen chapters that chronicled the inner workings of her marriage was a brief personal note, often less than a page, titled "Why I Stayed Married: Reason #1," which described an incredibly touching or loving act that Wolf's spouse, a prominent, talented musician, said or did. These "reason" notes equated to rays of brilliant sunshine peeking out from dark, heavy clouds and each served to renew Wolf's hope for restored conjugal health and happiness. I found this technique a first-rate way to show the rollercoaster ride the couple traveled for their many years together.
For any woman who has ever stayed far too long in an unhealthy relationship, believing that if she just worked a little harder, things would get a little better, Wolf's book gives validation to both the seductiveness and the senselessness of that fantasy.
April 12, 2020
I peeked at some reviews before writing my own. You either love this book, or hate it. There seems to be no middle ground. I, myself, loved it.
Why?
Because we are messy, messed up human beings masquerading as perfect ones, and Sharyn Wolf is brave enough to drop her mask (finally) and let us peek into her messy, messed up marriage. She acknowledges that we are the sum of our experiences-the shattered memories from childhood that we seek to keep hidden in a corner always grows, mushrooms, threatening to overtake us as adults-and then we bring in our unwitting partner, who also has their own bag of bones...it’s a wonder people stay married at all, if you think about it.
But that’s what she’s saying. We learn to deal with it all with a smile plastered on our faces. “Everything is fine. Life is good.” Meanwhile, our bed has been empty almost as long as our heart, we are going through the motions emotionless, and our partner is now a stranger.
Her patients’ stories (admittedly changed) woven into her own made for compelling reading. She has a beautiful way of writing that at turn makes you laugh out loud, and suck in a breath because your heart hurts for her.
I loved that she punctuated each chapter’s end with a reason why she stayed for so long. It was a testament of the bond she felt for her husband.
I loved even more the last reason, how she numbered it #1: “None of the reasons were enough.”
Having left myself after 25 years of marriage, I felt that.
Why?
Because we are messy, messed up human beings masquerading as perfect ones, and Sharyn Wolf is brave enough to drop her mask (finally) and let us peek into her messy, messed up marriage. She acknowledges that we are the sum of our experiences-the shattered memories from childhood that we seek to keep hidden in a corner always grows, mushrooms, threatening to overtake us as adults-and then we bring in our unwitting partner, who also has their own bag of bones...it’s a wonder people stay married at all, if you think about it.
But that’s what she’s saying. We learn to deal with it all with a smile plastered on our faces. “Everything is fine. Life is good.” Meanwhile, our bed has been empty almost as long as our heart, we are going through the motions emotionless, and our partner is now a stranger.
Her patients’ stories (admittedly changed) woven into her own made for compelling reading. She has a beautiful way of writing that at turn makes you laugh out loud, and suck in a breath because your heart hurts for her.
I loved that she punctuated each chapter’s end with a reason why she stayed for so long. It was a testament of the bond she felt for her husband.
I loved even more the last reason, how she numbered it #1: “None of the reasons were enough.”
Having left myself after 25 years of marriage, I felt that.
July 19, 2023
Surprisingly Good
I wasn’t sure how I initially felt about this book. It was kind of slow to start but it surprisingly hooked me and I couldn’t put it down. The author opens up about her traumas and you can feel her pain. The subject was sad but I felt warm and happy for her in the end.
I wasn’t sure how I initially felt about this book. It was kind of slow to start but it surprisingly hooked me and I couldn’t put it down. The author opens up about her traumas and you can feel her pain. The subject was sad but I felt warm and happy for her in the end.
Read
January 26, 2021From Follett: Marriage counselor Sharyn Wolf tells the story of her own failed marriage, explaining why she found it so difficult to leave her third husband in spite of the fact that their union of fifteen years was virtually without sex and there was no communication between them.
December 22, 2023
Could not put down. One of the best books I have ever read. This comes at a time when I start to pursue a second master's degree to get my LPC... and now I am having second thoughts. I think everyone should read this book and no one should. I walk away scarred. Life is rough, folks.
February 4, 2024
GOODREADS. THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I AM WRITING THIS REVIEW.
2⭐️/5
This book was super graphic and intense and needed trigger warnings before essentially every chapter. Her husband and her were super toxic and not well suited so I don’t know why they even got married in the first place.
2⭐️/5
This book was super graphic and intense and needed trigger warnings before essentially every chapter. Her husband and her were super toxic and not well suited so I don’t know why they even got married in the first place.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 20, 2024
I really appreciated her candour about the good and bad in marriage. It was more helpful to me than most books on divorce I have read and so well captured that pull towards and push away from the person you loved most.
October 14, 2019
The more I read the more I like this.
August 21, 2011
I picked up this book at my local library -- its cover drew me -- and began with a shot of skepticism: author Sharyn Wolf, on the first page of her introduction, makes sure that the reader knows she's been on Oprah eight times, published five books, and led seminars with titles like "72 Ways to Flirt."
My first, honest and ignorant thought was, Pop-psych diva! What kept me curious was Sharyn's other occupation: vocalist in the traditions of jazz, big band, and R&B. She's opened for the likes of B.B. King, and if I'd done that too ... now that I'd be bragging about. I was also enticed by the fact that Sharyn and I share three professions: vocalist, psychotherapist, and writer. On page xviii of the introduction, she says, "Because I could not tell, I chose a profession that depends on telling." I laughed uproariously -- Sharyn, you chose three! -- and dove in.
Sharyn quickly humbles herself with humour that feels affectionate, sardonic, and knowing. She ... the shock and despair at realizing that she needs to leave her husband. The introduction closes with her fantasy of what another life might have been like: (pg. xx) ... and the book's coda rounds out reality with (brief long-after-the-fact encounter that for anyone who's been divorced is both hilarious and haunting
"patients" --> Eli Weisel --> the respect! :-)
Chapter eight ... a standout / stand-alone essay --> child abuse; descrip. of 'self-injury' --> lucid, merciful (?), I-get-it understanding of 'why cutters cut.'
experiential expert (Sharyn) -- I'll be reading her future books!
My first, honest and ignorant thought was, Pop-psych diva! What kept me curious was Sharyn's other occupation: vocalist in the traditions of jazz, big band, and R&B. She's opened for the likes of B.B. King, and if I'd done that too ... now that I'd be bragging about. I was also enticed by the fact that Sharyn and I share three professions: vocalist, psychotherapist, and writer. On page xviii of the introduction, she says, "Because I could not tell, I chose a profession that depends on telling." I laughed uproariously -- Sharyn, you chose three! -- and dove in.
Sharyn quickly humbles herself with humour that feels affectionate, sardonic, and knowing. She ... the shock and despair at realizing that she needs to leave her husband. The introduction closes with her fantasy of what another life might have been like: (pg. xx) ... and the book's coda rounds out reality with (brief long-after-the-fact encounter that for anyone who's been divorced is both hilarious and haunting
"patients" --> Eli Weisel --> the respect! :-)
Chapter eight ... a standout / stand-alone essay --> child abuse; descrip. of 'self-injury' --> lucid, merciful (?), I-get-it understanding of 'why cutters cut.'
experiential expert (Sharyn) -- I'll be reading her future books!
May 29, 2011
What a fascinating book!
This is a memoir of a smart self-reflective woman, even if the self-reflection maybe was a bit late in coming. Wolf tells the stories of her marriages as a counterpoint to veiled histories of her patients. I read this book quickly because once you start, you have to. Besides the train wreck voyeurism of reading about other people’s bad relationships, Wolf is very funny. What surprised me most was even at the very quick pace of the book, I started to gain a few insights into my own relationships. Really interesting to see such honesty from a writer and Sharyn Wolf is someone who has done it all – she’s been a jazz singer, a therapist, a spokesperson for Viagra and a favorite guest on Oprah.
This is a memoir of a smart self-reflective woman, even if the self-reflection maybe was a bit late in coming. Wolf tells the stories of her marriages as a counterpoint to veiled histories of her patients. I read this book quickly because once you start, you have to. Besides the train wreck voyeurism of reading about other people’s bad relationships, Wolf is very funny. What surprised me most was even at the very quick pace of the book, I started to gain a few insights into my own relationships. Really interesting to see such honesty from a writer and Sharyn Wolf is someone who has done it all – she’s been a jazz singer, a therapist, a spokesperson for Viagra and a favorite guest on Oprah.
June 29, 2011
A relationship author and marriage therapist gets very honest and vulerable about her own relationship failings. Her books teach how to keep a lover, keep flirting and stay married while she was divorced three times and her latest attempt was a 13 year odyssey of misery and frustration. It is an unexpected lens into a relationship and how it didn't work. You sympathize with her in her attempts to be happy, fulfilled and stay sane in the face of great brokenness. I appreciate how she weaves her patients into her own discovery. Some of the stories are hard to read and assimilated but it is true account of how broken we all are in our attempts to connect with others on any level. A fascinating read.
April 4, 2011
A memoir about the enormous difficulty of breaking off a bad relationship with someone you love deeply. Sharyn Wolf is a marriage counselor who spent 13 years in a bad marriage of her own--to a man she loved. In a fresh and dazzling "doctor, heal thyself" story, she explains how two good people can be locked in a bad relationship, and why it can be so hard to break free.
LOVE SHRINKS is consistently poignant, consistently on-point with its observations about falling in and out of love, and its commentary about why sometimes love doesn't work.
LOVE SHRINKS is consistently poignant, consistently on-point with its observations about falling in and out of love, and its commentary about why sometimes love doesn't work.
April 23, 2011
This wonderful memoir is astoundingly brave and brutally honest. I found it difficult to put down and it kept me reading well into the night needing to know what was coming next. The story is interspersed with great insights into the human condition as well as some sage advice. I enjoyed the author blending the positive and negative events which occured during her marriage throughout the book. In the end, I applauded the author for finding the courage to move on and claim a new life for herself. I highly recommend this memoir and look forward to giving it a second read.
May 19, 2011
Received as a Goodreads 1st read!
Intially I wanted this because the hubby and I are and have been in a violent rutt for some time now and had somehow told myself this little book might give me a little relief of the fact I'm not the only woman alive w/no reason to stay married except just because, or inside to how to go about talking w/a very untalkative spouse. I quickly learned we had nothing but staying married for no reason in common, as duh, I knew but hoped angainst hope. I felt this was more of a collection of stories and thoughts, not much more. Still enjoyed reading though.
Intially I wanted this because the hubby and I are and have been in a violent rutt for some time now and had somehow told myself this little book might give me a little relief of the fact I'm not the only woman alive w/no reason to stay married except just because, or inside to how to go about talking w/a very untalkative spouse. I quickly learned we had nothing but staying married for no reason in common, as duh, I knew but hoped angainst hope. I felt this was more of a collection of stories and thoughts, not much more. Still enjoyed reading though.
September 14, 2013
Sharon Wolf is a marriage counselor. She was married three times and this memoir is about her third marriage and her self discovery why her marriage wasn't working. She lead a double life of telling people how to save their marriages to divorcing after 15 years. It was a sad book overall. I especially was upset that she used her clients for her own self therapy. It makes me upset when therapists need therapy themselves! Anyways.
October 12, 2011
This book is proof that therapists are often crazier than their patients! At first I was put off by this author's manner, but in the end it was a great read. I loved the structure she used, weaving her patients' stories in with hers, and adding "Why I Stayed Married" at the end of every chapter to offer the more positive aspects of her relationship with her now ex-husband.
May 4, 2011
I was utterly surprised by this book. It was alarmingly honest and candid. I laughed out loud, squirmed in parts, and truly felt for the author. I would recommend this book to all. Mind blowing to realize this could be someone's life when they document publicly otherwise. Loved it. Thank you for the read!
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