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A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life : Welcoming the soul and weaving community in a wounded world
In A Hidden Wholeness , Parker Palmer reveals the same compassionate intelligence and informed heart that shaped his best-selling books Let Your Life Speak and The Courage to Teach. Here he speaks to our yearning to live undivided lives—lives that are congruent with our inner truth—in a world filled with the forces of fragmentation. Mapping an inner journey that we take in solitude and in the company of others, Palmer describes a form of community that fits the limits of our active lives. Defining a “circle of trust” as “a space between us that honors the soul,” he shows how people in settings ranging from friendship to organizational life can support each other on the journey toward living “divided no more.” This paperback edition includes two new and useful features. Circles of Trust is a DVD containing interviews with Parker J. Palmer and footage from retreats he facilitated for the Center for Courage & Renewal (www.CourageRenewal.org). Bringing the Book to Life, by Caryl Hurtig Casbon and Sally Z. Hare, is a reader's and leader's guide to exploring the themes in A Hidden Wholeness. The DVD illuminates and illustrates the principles and practices behind circles of trust. The guide includes questions that connect the DVD to the book, offering "a conversation with the author" as well as an engagement with the text. Together, these features give readers new ways to internalize the themes of A Hidden Wholeness and share with others this approach to sustaining identity and integrity in all the venues of our lives. Inspired by Palmer’s writing and speaking—and challenged by the conditions of twenty-first century life—people across the country, from many walks of life, have been coming together in circles of trust to reclaim their integrity and help foster wholeness in their workplaces and their world. For over a decade, the principles and practices in this book have been proven on the ground—by parents and educators, clergy and politicians, community organizers and corporate executives, physicians and attorneys, and many others who seek to rejoin soul and role in their private and public lives. A Hidden Wholeness weaves together four themes that its author has pursued for forty the shape of an integral life, the meaning of community, teaching and learning for transformation, and nonviolent social change. The hundreds of thousands of people who know Parker Palmer’s books will be glad to find the journey continued
208 pages, Hardcover
First published September 22, 2004
453 people are currently reading
5235 people want to read
About the author
Parker J. Palmer
72 books568 followersParker J. Palmer (Madison, WI) is a writer, teacher and activist whose work speaks deeply to people in many walks of life. Author of eight books--including the bestsellers Courage to Teach, Let Your Life Speak, and A Hidden Wholeness--his writing has been recognized with ten honorary doctorates and many national awards, including the 2010 William Rainey Harper Award (previously won by Margaret Mead, Paulo Freire, and Elie Wiesel). He is founder and senior partner of the Center for Courage Renewal, and holds a Ph.D. from the University of California at Berkeley.
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September 14, 2019
‘The soul is generous: it takes in the needs of the world. The soul is wise: it suffers without shutting down. The soul is hopeful: it engages the world in ways that keep opening our hearts. The soul is creative: it finds a path between realities that might defeat us and fantasies that are mere escape. All we need to do is to bring down the wall that separates us from our own soul and deprives the world of the soul’s regenerative powers.’
For the past month, I read A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward Undivided Life, my third book by Parker J. Palmer. It is humbling to learn that latent in each of us is a wholeness – a core of being that is true to our identity. In the blizzard of life (Parker’s metaphor for the chaos, falsehood, and violence of our modern world), we often lose our way. Parker invites us to undertake a spiritual journey that will take us home to our true selves.
All this struck me initially as being somewhat abstract. Parker’s down-to-earth discussion supported by examples from his own divided life and that of others, and use of metaphor soon made the idea of hidden wholeness tangible and real. Hidden in the core of our being is a soul that is extremely shy and goes into hiding whenever it feels unsafe.
I believe we can all relate to living a divided life. Ever so often, we find ourselves doing a delicate dance between the role we assume in the public domain and the soul that resides in our inner being. Parker offers several examples: ignoring the ‘still, small’ voice that spoke the truth about us, staying in relationships that demean us, or giving time to projects we do not believe in. The fear of public opinion compels us to conceal our true identities. A divided life leaves us disgruntled and dismayed. We stop listening to our inner teacher.
Parker tells us that ’The divided life may be endemic, but wholeness is always a choice.' In his view, the solitary journey toward rejoining the hidden soul within us and our public role requires relationships, ’a rare but real form of community’ that he calls ‘a circle of trust.’ In other words, we need a community of individuals to shine a light on a blizzard blurred terrain and lead us back to our generous, wise, hopeful, and creative soul.
The Circle of Trust
In this book, Parker discussed the nature of a circle of trust and its purpose. In essence, ‘The circle of trust is a kind of community that knows how to welcome the soul and help us hear its voice.’ A circle of trust holds us in a space where we can make our own discernments, in our own way and time, in the encouraging and challenging presence of other people. Parker provided clear guidelines on the process of facilitation and the need for rules that make it safe for people to bring their struggles before others who will listen without judgment, and ask questions that will enable them to find their own answers. The norms of a circle of trust is counter-cultural: ‘No fixing, no saving, no advising, no setting each other straight.’ I would relish the opportunity to experience being in a circle of trust.
The Clearness Committee
In addition to the circle of trust, Parker introduced a smaller group called the ‘clearness committee.’ The clearness committee is a traditional practice of the Quakers, among whom Parker spent eleven years of his life in Pendle Hill, drawing on their collective wisdom. The clearness committee embodies two Quaker convictions: 'our guidance comes not from external authority but from the inner teacher, and we need community to help us clarify and amplify the inner teacher’s voice.’ I can imagine that in a safe communal space amongst folks one trusts and respects, a person can obtain much clarity and direction from being asked honest, open questions. Oh, how I wish I had the benefit of a clearness committee to help me process my own thoughts and lend me insight when making major decisions. Parker again offers specific guidelines on who one invites to this supportive community (right down to the size of this group and the duration of such gatherings), how this committee observes double confidentiality and how a trained leader facilitates the tasks of a clearness committee. I am struck, most of all, by the honor a clearness committee accords to the focus person. Parker holds up an imagery that illustrates one of its rules: ‘Hold the soul of the focus person as if we were holding a small bird in the palms of our two hands.’ Precious work indeed.
Non-Violence as a Third Way
Parker advocates that we choose non-violence in everyday life. He calls it the third way. 'It means a commitment to act in every situation in a way that honors the soul. Why? Because the soul is worthy of honor. Non-violence is not the world's current way of life. But Parker is right in believing that non-violence begins with us. ‘When we act from that motivation, we may or may not change the world. But we will always change ourselves for the better by practicing reverence and respect.’
A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward Undivided Life is an excellent book for individuals who are interested in becoming more in touch with themselves, their values and the special person that they are in their heart of hearts. I shall close with Parker’s own words because I cannot say it any better.
‘When we catch sight of the soul, we can become healers in a wounded world - in the family, in the neighborhood, in the workplace, and in political life - as we are called back to our ‘hidden wholeness’ amid the violence of the storm.’
For the past month, I read A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward Undivided Life, my third book by Parker J. Palmer. It is humbling to learn that latent in each of us is a wholeness – a core of being that is true to our identity. In the blizzard of life (Parker’s metaphor for the chaos, falsehood, and violence of our modern world), we often lose our way. Parker invites us to undertake a spiritual journey that will take us home to our true selves.
All this struck me initially as being somewhat abstract. Parker’s down-to-earth discussion supported by examples from his own divided life and that of others, and use of metaphor soon made the idea of hidden wholeness tangible and real. Hidden in the core of our being is a soul that is extremely shy and goes into hiding whenever it feels unsafe.
I believe we can all relate to living a divided life. Ever so often, we find ourselves doing a delicate dance between the role we assume in the public domain and the soul that resides in our inner being. Parker offers several examples: ignoring the ‘still, small’ voice that spoke the truth about us, staying in relationships that demean us, or giving time to projects we do not believe in. The fear of public opinion compels us to conceal our true identities. A divided life leaves us disgruntled and dismayed. We stop listening to our inner teacher.
Parker tells us that ’The divided life may be endemic, but wholeness is always a choice.' In his view, the solitary journey toward rejoining the hidden soul within us and our public role requires relationships, ’a rare but real form of community’ that he calls ‘a circle of trust.’ In other words, we need a community of individuals to shine a light on a blizzard blurred terrain and lead us back to our generous, wise, hopeful, and creative soul.
The Circle of Trust
In this book, Parker discussed the nature of a circle of trust and its purpose. In essence, ‘The circle of trust is a kind of community that knows how to welcome the soul and help us hear its voice.’ A circle of trust holds us in a space where we can make our own discernments, in our own way and time, in the encouraging and challenging presence of other people. Parker provided clear guidelines on the process of facilitation and the need for rules that make it safe for people to bring their struggles before others who will listen without judgment, and ask questions that will enable them to find their own answers. The norms of a circle of trust is counter-cultural: ‘No fixing, no saving, no advising, no setting each other straight.’ I would relish the opportunity to experience being in a circle of trust.
The Clearness Committee
In addition to the circle of trust, Parker introduced a smaller group called the ‘clearness committee.’ The clearness committee is a traditional practice of the Quakers, among whom Parker spent eleven years of his life in Pendle Hill, drawing on their collective wisdom. The clearness committee embodies two Quaker convictions: 'our guidance comes not from external authority but from the inner teacher, and we need community to help us clarify and amplify the inner teacher’s voice.’ I can imagine that in a safe communal space amongst folks one trusts and respects, a person can obtain much clarity and direction from being asked honest, open questions. Oh, how I wish I had the benefit of a clearness committee to help me process my own thoughts and lend me insight when making major decisions. Parker again offers specific guidelines on who one invites to this supportive community (right down to the size of this group and the duration of such gatherings), how this committee observes double confidentiality and how a trained leader facilitates the tasks of a clearness committee. I am struck, most of all, by the honor a clearness committee accords to the focus person. Parker holds up an imagery that illustrates one of its rules: ‘Hold the soul of the focus person as if we were holding a small bird in the palms of our two hands.’ Precious work indeed.
Non-Violence as a Third Way
Parker advocates that we choose non-violence in everyday life. He calls it the third way. 'It means a commitment to act in every situation in a way that honors the soul. Why? Because the soul is worthy of honor. Non-violence is not the world's current way of life. But Parker is right in believing that non-violence begins with us. ‘When we act from that motivation, we may or may not change the world. But we will always change ourselves for the better by practicing reverence and respect.’
A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward Undivided Life is an excellent book for individuals who are interested in becoming more in touch with themselves, their values and the special person that they are in their heart of hearts. I shall close with Parker’s own words because I cannot say it any better.
‘When we catch sight of the soul, we can become healers in a wounded world - in the family, in the neighborhood, in the workplace, and in political life - as we are called back to our ‘hidden wholeness’ amid the violence of the storm.’
December 29, 2014
He had me at, "No fixing, no saving, no advising, no setting each other straight," which is the main rule of the "circles of trust" he describes. Most conversation at family gatherings, church coffee hours, break and conference rooms at work, etc. tends to be of the fixing/advising/persuasion variety, with plenty of complexes tossed into the mix. Palmer gives insight into how to instead speak one's truth and engage in "deep speaks to deep" type of listening.
I appreciated his reminder that most of the questions we ask other people are not really questions but advice in disguise (i.e. "Have you thought of seeing a doctor/quitting your job/changing schools?").
Best of all is his insight that the desire to "help" another person is instead often a way to dismiss them: "How can we understand another when instead of listening deeply, we rush to repair that person in order to escape further involvement? The sense of isolation and invisibility that marks so many lives - not least the lives of young people, whom we constantly try to fix - is due in part to a mode of "helping" that allows us to dismiss each other."
Even though much of what he says in the book is specific to circles of trust, and most of us won't ever have the opportunity to attend one of those (although I'll be keeping an eye out for one now), it's easy enough to see how one can apply these principles to everyday situations.
I appreciated his reminder that most of the questions we ask other people are not really questions but advice in disguise (i.e. "Have you thought of seeing a doctor/quitting your job/changing schools?").
Best of all is his insight that the desire to "help" another person is instead often a way to dismiss them: "How can we understand another when instead of listening deeply, we rush to repair that person in order to escape further involvement? The sense of isolation and invisibility that marks so many lives - not least the lives of young people, whom we constantly try to fix - is due in part to a mode of "helping" that allows us to dismiss each other."
Even though much of what he says in the book is specific to circles of trust, and most of us won't ever have the opportunity to attend one of those (although I'll be keeping an eye out for one now), it's easy enough to see how one can apply these principles to everyday situations.
February 13, 2012
A family member gave me this book as a Christmas gift. She knows that I am at a spiritual crossroads, exploring how to recover my personal balance.
What this book describes is a specific method, referred to as circles of trust, in which people bring their solitude into a community. This is one way for individuals to find integrity between our core selves (which he calls "souls") and our roles (including our jobs).
I was especially touched by Palmer's description of the soul as most like a wild animal. It has its own wisdom and its own voice, going places that the intellect and the ego wouldn't voluntarily go. And it is shy ... not comfortable in a circle of interaction where people try to judge it, fix it, analyze it, manipulate it, or persuade it. So we must invite it indirectly to feel safe ... in order for its voice to be discerned.
The circle of trust is countercultural, based upon the Quaker tradition of active listening. The participants create a safe and bounded interaction where each person may listen for/to their own inner voice. No judging. No fixing. No analyzing, manipulating, persuading.
Just the concept has been freeing for me at this particular crossroads. If you want a self-help book that will give you direction, this one won't. If you want a different way of thinking about how you could find your own unique direction, this book might give you some leads.
What this book describes is a specific method, referred to as circles of trust, in which people bring their solitude into a community. This is one way for individuals to find integrity between our core selves (which he calls "souls") and our roles (including our jobs).
I was especially touched by Palmer's description of the soul as most like a wild animal. It has its own wisdom and its own voice, going places that the intellect and the ego wouldn't voluntarily go. And it is shy ... not comfortable in a circle of interaction where people try to judge it, fix it, analyze it, manipulate it, or persuade it. So we must invite it indirectly to feel safe ... in order for its voice to be discerned.
The circle of trust is countercultural, based upon the Quaker tradition of active listening. The participants create a safe and bounded interaction where each person may listen for/to their own inner voice. No judging. No fixing. No analyzing, manipulating, persuading.
Just the concept has been freeing for me at this particular crossroads. If you want a self-help book that will give you direction, this one won't. If you want a different way of thinking about how you could find your own unique direction, this book might give you some leads.
dnf
December 9, 2014why why why did I buy this? Did someone rec it to me? I have zero recollection, and yet here it is in my hand as a thing that I own
Got to page 19, and could stomach no more.
Got to page 19, and could stomach no more.
March 31, 2018
With his Quaker background and worldview, Palmer has learned to place a great confidence in the "inner teacher" that is within each of us, otherwise known as the "soul". He suggests that the only path to an "undivided life" in which soul and role are joined is to provide space for the soul to speak.
I especially appreciated his advice "on "letting things alone" in the lives of other people. In our ego driven attempt to instruct and advise others on how they should live their lives, we leave other people feeling diminished and disrespected. During the reading of this book, I have become much more aware of how often I respond to the needs of others by offering them a solution. And I have developed fresh insight into why I feel depleted and agitated when others respond to my confessions or stories with a similar quick fix solution.
Palmer draws from the old Quaker practice of the "circle of trust" to describe in detail a reliable means for creating space and offering community for our soul to speak. It easy to imagine the impact these practices will have on our relationships at home, at work, and in the community at large.
I especially appreciated his advice "on "letting things alone" in the lives of other people. In our ego driven attempt to instruct and advise others on how they should live their lives, we leave other people feeling diminished and disrespected. During the reading of this book, I have become much more aware of how often I respond to the needs of others by offering them a solution. And I have developed fresh insight into why I feel depleted and agitated when others respond to my confessions or stories with a similar quick fix solution.
Palmer draws from the old Quaker practice of the "circle of trust" to describe in detail a reliable means for creating space and offering community for our soul to speak. It easy to imagine the impact these practices will have on our relationships at home, at work, and in the community at large.
October 12, 2023
Beautiful, calming, thoughtful.
My biggest take-away is his idea that the soul is shy as a wild animal, and we should do what it takes to help it feel safe so that it can emerge.
Palmer breaks down the methodology of "trust circles" which are nice ideas but I felt their limitations. For one, I heard a lot of Rogerian therapy in his ideas, where all the answers are found in the focus person. Also, I didn't feel the trust circles provided the care that I would idealize. They felt too sterile and untouched even though that wasn't their intent.
My biggest take-away is his idea that the soul is shy as a wild animal, and we should do what it takes to help it feel safe so that it can emerge.
Palmer breaks down the methodology of "trust circles" which are nice ideas but I felt their limitations. For one, I heard a lot of Rogerian therapy in his ideas, where all the answers are found in the focus person. Also, I didn't feel the trust circles provided the care that I would idealize. They felt too sterile and untouched even though that wasn't their intent.
September 1, 2023
This was one of those books where a few pages in, I was immediately recommending it to others. This is about the value and power of reflection, silence, and the role of a supportive community of peers in helping people hear their own voices. This was my first introduction to Parker Palmer and I have no idea how I haven't come across his work sooner since this intersects with so much of where my work life has focused the past ten years or so. I have more reading to do now, and potential retreats to explore with his NGO the Center for Courage and Renewal. My whole soul vibrated reading nearly every part of this.
December 18, 2014
Well...
For me, the title was more than a little misleading. I so wanted to try reading Parker Palmer again after a bad experience with his work in grad school. What I didn't expect was a step by step manual on how to construct circles of trust that meet regularly - but that's what this book is. That may be fine for some people, but it certainly wasn't what the title and subtitle of the book imply. Perhaps as a result I felt as if I was plodding along while a dead horse was flogged. I'm sure some people would love the book, but for me it was excruciatingly slow.
For me, the title was more than a little misleading. I so wanted to try reading Parker Palmer again after a bad experience with his work in grad school. What I didn't expect was a step by step manual on how to construct circles of trust that meet regularly - but that's what this book is. That may be fine for some people, but it certainly wasn't what the title and subtitle of the book imply. Perhaps as a result I felt as if I was plodding along while a dead horse was flogged. I'm sure some people would love the book, but for me it was excruciatingly slow.
December 4, 2015
The book read to me as if it is designed for someone wishing to learn to facilitate a type of group meeting. While the information is useful for this activity and the overall message positive, I was hoping for more of a "how can I do these things for myself and within everyday relationships" book than "how to be a "Circle of Trust" meeting facilitator" and didn't find it to offer anything particularly accessible or novel about the everyday. I did appreciate the description and introduction in relation to Quaker clearness committees, though.
March 7, 2022
How do we live a good life? The true journey there, Palmer says, is only possible when we live with integrity, "the state or quality of being entire, complete, and unbroken". To curate a life of wholeness is the challenge of a lifetime. "We must achieve a complex integration that spans the contradictions between inner and outer reality, that supports both personal integrity and the common good," the author writes, "No, it is not easy work; but, by doing it we offer what is sacred within us to the life of the world.”
For what is the alternative? Palmer quotes Rumi poignantly: "If you are here unfaithfully with us, you’re causing terrible damage.”
A Hidden Wholeness is a spiritual salve for the psychic damage of modern life, offering a treatise on the necessity of living wholly and the teachings to empower our action towards that ideal.
Quotes:
- “Afraid that our inner light will be extinguished or our inner darkness exposed, we hide our true identities from each other. In the process, we become separated from our own souls. We end up living divided lives, so far from removed from the truth we hold within that we cannot know the integrity of being who we are.”
- “When we are rooted in true-self, we can act in ways that are life-giving for us and all whose lives we touch. Whatever we do to care for true-self, in the long-run, is a gift to the world.”
- "We need solitude and community simultaneously...Solitude does not necessarily mean living apart from others, but rather it means never living apart from oneself. It is not about the absence of other people, but being fully present to ourselves whether or not we are with others. Community does not necessarily mean living face-to-face with others; rather, it means never losing the awareness that we are connected to one another. It is not about the presence of other people, it is about being fully open to reality of relationship whether or not we are alone.”
- "We believe that we will find shared truth by going up into big ideas, but is it only when we go down drawing deep from the well of personal experience that we tap into the living water that supplies all of our lives.”
- "I am not suggesting that the intellect, emotions, will, and ego are irrelevant to inner work. Operating independently, these faculties will not take us where the soul wants to go, but they all are vital parts of being human, and with guidance from the soul they can all come vital allies on the journey towards an undivided life. When the soul speaks through the intellect, we learn to think with the mind descended into the heart. When it speaks through the emotions, our feelings are more likely to nurture relationships. When it speaks through the will, our willpower can be harnessed for the common good. When it speaks through the ego, we gain a sense of self that gives us the courage to speak truth to power. Every human faculty, as it becomes more soulful, can help us navigate the difficult terrain of life...”
- "The people who help us grow towards true self offer unconditional love, neither judging us to be deficient nor trying to force us to change, but accepting us exactly as we are. Yet, this unconditional love does not lead us to rest on our laurels. Instead, it surrounds us with a charged forcefield that makes us want to grow from the inside out. A forcefield that is safe enough to take the risks and endure the failures that growth requires. We grow towards true self in a space where our growth is not driven by external demands, but drawn forward by love into our own best possibilities...[These relationships] combine unconditional love or regard, with hopeful expectancy that both safeguards and encourages the inner journey.”
For what is the alternative? Palmer quotes Rumi poignantly: "If you are here unfaithfully with us, you’re causing terrible damage.”
A Hidden Wholeness is a spiritual salve for the psychic damage of modern life, offering a treatise on the necessity of living wholly and the teachings to empower our action towards that ideal.
Quotes:
- “Afraid that our inner light will be extinguished or our inner darkness exposed, we hide our true identities from each other. In the process, we become separated from our own souls. We end up living divided lives, so far from removed from the truth we hold within that we cannot know the integrity of being who we are.”
- “When we are rooted in true-self, we can act in ways that are life-giving for us and all whose lives we touch. Whatever we do to care for true-self, in the long-run, is a gift to the world.”
- "We need solitude and community simultaneously...Solitude does not necessarily mean living apart from others, but rather it means never living apart from oneself. It is not about the absence of other people, but being fully present to ourselves whether or not we are with others. Community does not necessarily mean living face-to-face with others; rather, it means never losing the awareness that we are connected to one another. It is not about the presence of other people, it is about being fully open to reality of relationship whether or not we are alone.”
- "We believe that we will find shared truth by going up into big ideas, but is it only when we go down drawing deep from the well of personal experience that we tap into the living water that supplies all of our lives.”
- "I am not suggesting that the intellect, emotions, will, and ego are irrelevant to inner work. Operating independently, these faculties will not take us where the soul wants to go, but they all are vital parts of being human, and with guidance from the soul they can all come vital allies on the journey towards an undivided life. When the soul speaks through the intellect, we learn to think with the mind descended into the heart. When it speaks through the emotions, our feelings are more likely to nurture relationships. When it speaks through the will, our willpower can be harnessed for the common good. When it speaks through the ego, we gain a sense of self that gives us the courage to speak truth to power. Every human faculty, as it becomes more soulful, can help us navigate the difficult terrain of life...”
- "The people who help us grow towards true self offer unconditional love, neither judging us to be deficient nor trying to force us to change, but accepting us exactly as we are. Yet, this unconditional love does not lead us to rest on our laurels. Instead, it surrounds us with a charged forcefield that makes us want to grow from the inside out. A forcefield that is safe enough to take the risks and endure the failures that growth requires. We grow towards true self in a space where our growth is not driven by external demands, but drawn forward by love into our own best possibilities...[These relationships] combine unconditional love or regard, with hopeful expectancy that both safeguards and encourages the inner journey.”
February 17, 2018
Did I love this book fully, or did I just wish to become like Parker Palmer? Did I resonate with it fully, or just wish to climb into its pages and have its poetry and thoughtful spirituality become me? Did the book speak to me on a soul-level, or did my ego wish to be associated with this movement and approach? I guess, regardless, this is an absolutely gorgeous work.
This book is about living the undivided life. Being the same person inside as you are on the outside. Resolving the dissonance that may be rippling underneath you, as the fundamental call of the soul, despite the noise that may be out there causing you to keeping playing an external role.
It's a journey I've been investing in during recent days, and I lived hearing the author's poetic, thoughtful, practical exhortations on the subject.
This book also contains a good deal of instructions on Quaker-inspired facilitation and listening techniques, which centre on the practice of silence, and asking open, honest questions. There are some amazing practices documented here, which, as a facilitator, I'm extremely curious about trying. One notable practice is about introducing a "third thing" (such as a poem), and creating a space for group members to respond to it.
One such "third thing" he introduces is a poem/tale that I just loved:
The Woodcarver
Khing, the master carver, made a bell stand
Of precious wood. When it was finished,
All who saw it were astounded. They said it must be
The work of spirits.
The Prince of Lu said to the master carver:
"What is your secret?"
Khing replied: "I am only a workman:
I have no secret. There is only this:
When I began to think about the work you commanded
I guarded my spirit, did not expend it
On trifles, that were not to the point.
I fasted in order to set
My heart at rest.
After three days fasting,
I had forgotten gain and success.
After five days
I had forgotten praise or criticism.
After seven days
I had forgotten my body
With all its limbs.
"By this time all thought of your Highness
And of the court had faded away.
All that might distract me from the work
Had vanished.
I was collected in the single thought
Of the bell stand.
"Then I went to the forest
To see the trees in their own natural state.
When the right tree appeared before my eyes,
The bell stand also appeared in it, clearly, beyond doubt.
All I had to do was to put forth my hand
and begin.
"If I had not met this particular tree
There would have been
No bell stand at all.
"What happened?
My own collected thought
Encountered the hidden potential in the wood;
From this live encounter came the work
Which you ascribe to the spirits."
- Chuang Tzu
from The Way of Chuang Tzu by Thomas Merton
This book is about living the undivided life. Being the same person inside as you are on the outside. Resolving the dissonance that may be rippling underneath you, as the fundamental call of the soul, despite the noise that may be out there causing you to keeping playing an external role.
It's a journey I've been investing in during recent days, and I lived hearing the author's poetic, thoughtful, practical exhortations on the subject.
This book also contains a good deal of instructions on Quaker-inspired facilitation and listening techniques, which centre on the practice of silence, and asking open, honest questions. There are some amazing practices documented here, which, as a facilitator, I'm extremely curious about trying. One notable practice is about introducing a "third thing" (such as a poem), and creating a space for group members to respond to it.
One such "third thing" he introduces is a poem/tale that I just loved:
The Woodcarver
Khing, the master carver, made a bell stand
Of precious wood. When it was finished,
All who saw it were astounded. They said it must be
The work of spirits.
The Prince of Lu said to the master carver:
"What is your secret?"
Khing replied: "I am only a workman:
I have no secret. There is only this:
When I began to think about the work you commanded
I guarded my spirit, did not expend it
On trifles, that were not to the point.
I fasted in order to set
My heart at rest.
After three days fasting,
I had forgotten gain and success.
After five days
I had forgotten praise or criticism.
After seven days
I had forgotten my body
With all its limbs.
"By this time all thought of your Highness
And of the court had faded away.
All that might distract me from the work
Had vanished.
I was collected in the single thought
Of the bell stand.
"Then I went to the forest
To see the trees in their own natural state.
When the right tree appeared before my eyes,
The bell stand also appeared in it, clearly, beyond doubt.
All I had to do was to put forth my hand
and begin.
"If I had not met this particular tree
There would have been
No bell stand at all.
"What happened?
My own collected thought
Encountered the hidden potential in the wood;
From this live encounter came the work
Which you ascribe to the spirits."
- Chuang Tzu
from The Way of Chuang Tzu by Thomas Merton
April 30, 2016
The "divided self" refers to the compartmentalization by which we create character or behavior that differs from who we feel we really are. Palmer's practical response is the Quaker "circle of trust" in which a small group witnesses each other's suffering and confusion and seeks to provide clarity, especially through attentive silence, without attempting to "fix" others. These groups work best if there is a skilled facilitator who operates with non-hierarchical leadership and can preserve the delicate balance in the group.
I had a mixed reaction to the proposal of the intrinsic self in Chapter 3, "Explorations in True Self." Palmer refers to "the abiding core of selfhood [we] carry within," a soul-thing that wants "to keep us rooted in the ground of our own being...to keep us connected to the community in which we find life...to tell us the truth about ourselves, our world, and the relation between the two, whether that truth is easy or hard to hear...to give us life and...to pass that gift along..." He quotes Mary Oliver's assessment that the soul "is built entirely out of attentiveness" and says: "What we name it matters little to me...But that we name it matters a great deal" (p. 33-34). His evidence that the soul exists is purely subjective: We generally feel that it's there. I think it is one matter to acknowledge our feelings and perceptions which are always changing and another matter to conclude that they point to something with objective reality that does not change over time.
He flags a postmodern worldview, disagreeable to him, that we are born infinitely malleable, with no core selfhood, and that we grow a self that is a social construct. He calls it "secularism" without explanation; it is not obvious to me what the usual senses of secularism (either a personal non-reliance on belief in God or a political church/state separation) have to do with the belief in a stable self.
In any case, for Palmer, part of the significance of enduring true selfhood is that, even if you shove aside your values and authenticity for a while, they never die. Your true self disappears from view but does not perish.
I had a mixed reaction to the proposal of the intrinsic self in Chapter 3, "Explorations in True Self." Palmer refers to "the abiding core of selfhood [we] carry within," a soul-thing that wants "to keep us rooted in the ground of our own being...to keep us connected to the community in which we find life...to tell us the truth about ourselves, our world, and the relation between the two, whether that truth is easy or hard to hear...to give us life and...to pass that gift along..." He quotes Mary Oliver's assessment that the soul "is built entirely out of attentiveness" and says: "What we name it matters little to me...But that we name it matters a great deal" (p. 33-34). His evidence that the soul exists is purely subjective: We generally feel that it's there. I think it is one matter to acknowledge our feelings and perceptions which are always changing and another matter to conclude that they point to something with objective reality that does not change over time.
He flags a postmodern worldview, disagreeable to him, that we are born infinitely malleable, with no core selfhood, and that we grow a self that is a social construct. He calls it "secularism" without explanation; it is not obvious to me what the usual senses of secularism (either a personal non-reliance on belief in God or a political church/state separation) have to do with the belief in a stable self.
In any case, for Palmer, part of the significance of enduring true selfhood is that, even if you shove aside your values and authenticity for a while, they never die. Your true self disappears from view but does not perish.
"Here is the ultimate irony of the divided life: live behind a wall long enough, and the true self you tried to hide from the world disappears from your own view! The wall itself and the world outside it become all that you know. Eventually, you even forget that the wall is there – and that hidden behind it is someone called 'you.'" (p. 44)
December 27, 2012
I've been meaning to read some Parker Palmer, and wound up choosing this one simply because it was available as an audio book and was about the length of a long drive I had to make. The book is primarily focused on the logic behind and the procedures involved in "Circles of Trust," a method of group interaction Palmer relies on to help people discern the direction their lives should take. Palmer runs a retreat center that allows people to come and participate in such Circles of Trust. The book essentially outlines how similar small groups might operate to help their members listen to their own inner truths.
Palmer's procedures are strongly grounded in Quaker spirituality, although he doesn't really talk about Quaker spirituality in any detail. The book is a useful tool of encouragement for anyone thinking about how to live a life that isn't divided between one set of values for the workplace and one set of values for private life -- it's just nice to keep company with a text that values authenticity in human beings. But the book is primarily concerned with how accountability groups operate, and for that reason it doesn't work like most books that tilt toward the spirituality and self-help genre, with their emphasis on individual reflection and change. What you need to discern your own truth, Palmer's book reiterates again and again, is interaction with others who are struggling to do the same thing for themselves. His book describes how such a process might work, but it emphasizes again and again that a mere book can't substitute for the process itself.
Palmer's procedures are strongly grounded in Quaker spirituality, although he doesn't really talk about Quaker spirituality in any detail. The book is a useful tool of encouragement for anyone thinking about how to live a life that isn't divided between one set of values for the workplace and one set of values for private life -- it's just nice to keep company with a text that values authenticity in human beings. But the book is primarily concerned with how accountability groups operate, and for that reason it doesn't work like most books that tilt toward the spirituality and self-help genre, with their emphasis on individual reflection and change. What you need to discern your own truth, Palmer's book reiterates again and again, is interaction with others who are struggling to do the same thing for themselves. His book describes how such a process might work, but it emphasizes again and again that a mere book can't substitute for the process itself.
May 24, 2009
"'...it is better to be whole than to be good....'" - John Middleton Murry (p. 8)
"The deeper our faith, the more doubt we must endure; the deeper our hope, the more prone we are to despair; the deeper our love, the more pain its loss will bring; these are a few of the paradoxes we must hold as human beings. If we refuse to hold them in hopes of living without doubt, despair, and pain, we also find ourselves living without faith, hope, and love.' (p. 82)
"The divided life is a wounded life, and the soul keeps calling us to heal the wound. Ignore that call, and we find ourselves trying to numb our pain with an anesthetic of choice, be it substance abuse, overwork, consumerism, or mindless media noise. Such anesthetics are easy to come by in a society that wants to keep us divided and unaware of our pain--for the divided life that is pathological for individuals can serve social systems well, especially when it comes to those functions that are morally dubious." (p. 20)
"...reaching in toward their own wholeness, reaching out towards the world's needs, and trying to live their lives at the intersection of the two." (p. 25)
"The deeper our faith, the more doubt we must endure; the deeper our hope, the more prone we are to despair; the deeper our love, the more pain its loss will bring; these are a few of the paradoxes we must hold as human beings. If we refuse to hold them in hopes of living without doubt, despair, and pain, we also find ourselves living without faith, hope, and love.' (p. 82)
"The divided life is a wounded life, and the soul keeps calling us to heal the wound. Ignore that call, and we find ourselves trying to numb our pain with an anesthetic of choice, be it substance abuse, overwork, consumerism, or mindless media noise. Such anesthetics are easy to come by in a society that wants to keep us divided and unaware of our pain--for the divided life that is pathological for individuals can serve social systems well, especially when it comes to those functions that are morally dubious." (p. 20)
"...reaching in toward their own wholeness, reaching out towards the world's needs, and trying to live their lives at the intersection of the two." (p. 25)
November 25, 2016
I was fortunate to be reading this book during this election season. Palmer spends much of the book describing circles of trust, a specific group that gathers to help someone who is struggling to come to terms with an issue. There are strict behavior guidelines that do not allow those in the circle to give advice, but rely on those in the circle to be present and ask open questions and be there for that person to find their own truth. Even if you aren't intending to participate in a circle of trust this book provides an incredible amount of insight for self-discovery, relationships and leadership. At times we all live in what Palmer calls the "tragic gap" - the tension between reality and possibility and those who can hold the tension during ambiguity are the truly strong among us who can hold tensions rather than create them.
October 29, 2017
Parker Palmer consistently delivers thoughtful, intellectually honest books that speak directly from his personal experiences and reflections. In this book, he talks about the concept of a Divided Life and how to work toward being less divided. Anyone who lives in today's world will easily see how we end up being multiple people and how this is not the ideal state. HE continues discussing Quaker Clearness Committees that can help people involved in sorting out difficult issues or in discerning the right course of action. Based on his years of leading retreats and seminars he provides very practical advice about circles of truth and how groups can support each other. This book left me respecting the value of a group in supporting discernment.
March 13, 2023
Fixing, saving, and advising - this is what Parker Palmer says we tend to do. Instead, he teaches a way of being with people, and ourselves, that neither invades or evades. Life is one long quest to discover what is role and what is soul. We spend much of our lives arranging our lives so that we don't have to see our souls. Yet when we truly see our souls, it is like meeting a beautiful person who is at once a stranger and an intimate friend. This is expressed beautifully in the poem he includes, Love After Love, by Derek Walcott, which has the stupendous line: The time will come when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving at your own door.
you will greet yourself arriving at your own door.
January 10, 2022
I should read this book more often. The final chapter on a non-violent way of being is essential in our divided world. Palmer argues "Most of us live our lives in the home or classroom or workplace; we play bit parts in the great global drama. But the choices we make in the microarenas of life contribute, for better or for worse, to what happens in the world at large. Even if we do no more than acquiesce to small daily doses of violence, we become desensitized to it, embracing the popular insanity that violence is 'only normal' and passively assenting to its dominance" (p. 169).
May 20, 2017
I had to read this for one of the graduate classes in my doctorate program. I liked some ideas here such as Palmer's belief that we all have secret lives as children where we go inside ourselves to find the true authentic core and try to quietly pursue that then become divided more and more each year as we grow up and become adults and have our inner authentic "real" selves and an outer shell we put on to make ourselves appear to be what society and other people expect us to be. He also discusses "circles of trust" where we let different people see different levels of our authentic self.
November 21, 2018
The most hidden thing about this book is that the title is misleading. While it has a few bits of wisdom that are worth sharing, the book would more aptly be titled: Circles of Trust: How a Non-Judgmental Group Can Help You Work Through Your Problems. While other books tend to focus on external blame as the culprit for unhappiness, this book blames all of life's struggles on the individual's own delusions about him/herself. Neither is completely true, and the wisdom shared could have been summed up in a short article.
January 9, 2025
This book illustrated ways that living inauthentically can cause one to shrivel and shrink. This can then cause one to wear masks so that we don't even recognize the covering. "We sense that something is missing in our lives and search the world for it, not understanding that what is missing is us" (Palmer)
I really liked the chapter about the power of metaphor. T.S. Eliot writes "Poetry makes us
.. a little more aware of the deeper, unnamed feelings which form the substratum of our being, to which we rarely penetrate, for our lives are mostly a constant evasion of ourselves".
One of my biggest takeaways has been learning to hold tension in between vocalizing my beliefs/opinions and simply feeling them. Somewhere in the in-between, with trusted people and through journaling, we can give our souls space to breathe.
For me, I am learning it's more about unlearning and chiseling away at the wood to reveal who we really are, than it is about perfectly shaping things. Words, nonverbal behaviour, and silence each hold their place in these expressions.
I really liked the chapter about the power of metaphor. T.S. Eliot writes "Poetry makes us
.. a little more aware of the deeper, unnamed feelings which form the substratum of our being, to which we rarely penetrate, for our lives are mostly a constant evasion of ourselves".
One of my biggest takeaways has been learning to hold tension in between vocalizing my beliefs/opinions and simply feeling them. Somewhere in the in-between, with trusted people and through journaling, we can give our souls space to breathe.
For me, I am learning it's more about unlearning and chiseling away at the wood to reveal who we really are, than it is about perfectly shaping things. Words, nonverbal behaviour, and silence each hold their place in these expressions.
June 26, 2024
So, I started reading this when I was in the middle of deconstructing some rigid ways of thinking and being in my life and the first few chapters were a big fat breath of fresh air and I very, deeply resonated with it. But then, I stalled out and came back to it a bit later and was a little less impressed. It’s good for what it is—humanist Quaker spiritual writing—but it left me feeling kind of empty and merry go round ish at the end. There has to be looking outside of self and silence for answers at some point. It probably deserves 4 stars for the first few chapters which are quite good, but this is where I’m at with it now.
November 19, 2018
Parker Palmer is so wise and eloquent. His thoughts on the soul, community, and wholeness are ones that I’ve been carrying with me for the last few days, and surely will be carrying for a lot longer. It was convicting in some places- I’ve had to ask myself if I have really been holding space for friends and their souls, and if I’ve been quick to ask open and honest questions or if I’ve been asking ones that served my own needs. It’s certainly fit into a lesson I’ve been learning all year long- cherishing the tension between grief and joy is a slow path to wholeness
March 9, 2019
I read this book to prepare to be part of a Circle of Trust weekend, which adhered to the book. Palmer is a writer that challenges human beings to fully human. His honesty about life and his own story inspires readers to be equally honest. At the aforementioned weekend, I participated in a Clearness Committee. It was a humbling experience; an honor to walk alongside a person in such a sacred way. This book is offers guidance, wholeness and healing for teachers and clergy in particular.
September 29, 2025
Very insightful and interesting book from my friend Rose. This book made me think about conversing and supporting others (and being supported) in a Quaker perspective. Many thoughts about the soul and the health of my spirit… I liked when he said “the soul is like a wild animal” it gets scared if you chase it in the woods!
May 9, 2018
I read the first part of this last Fall for Wellspring and then made the mistake of waiting this long before actually finishing the book. I don't think I can effectively review it at this point, but it has some interesting ideas.
November 29, 2022
I really enjoyed the beginning and end of this book, but got a little uninvolved in the middle. I enjoyed all of the poems/stories that were included with each chapter.
March 17, 2024
Palmer has a gift for articulating the kinds of things it’s almost impossible to capture with words. I feel smarter and saner after reading this wise book about how we can do better.
July 11, 2020
This book was a little difficult to rate because much of the book borders on Pelaganianism and/or neo-platoninism. However, Palmer seems to be onto some rhythms and understandings of the soul that are helpful.
I think the key would be if we discern that the way out of a divided life and into an undivided life is not through finding inner truth but through abiding in the Truth (Jesus).
I think the key would be if we discern that the way out of a divided life and into an undivided life is not through finding inner truth but through abiding in the Truth (Jesus).
August 20, 2011
In A Hidden Wholeness, Parker Palmer reveals the same compassionate intelligence and informed heart that shaped his best-selling books Let Your Life Speak and The Courage to Teach. Here he speaks to our yearning to live undivided lives-lives that are congruent with our inner truth-in a world filled with the forces of fragmentation.Mapping an inner journey that we take in solitude and in the company of others, Palmer describes a form of community that fits the limits of our active lives. Defining a "circle of trust" as "a space between us that honors the soul," he shows how people in settings ranging from friendship to organizational life can support each other on the journey toward living "divided no more."Inspired by Palmer's writing and speaking-and challenged by the conditions of twenty-first century life-people across the country, from many walks of life, have been coming together in circles of trust to reclaim their integrity and help foster wholeness in their workplaces and their world.For over a decade, the principles and practices in this book have been proven on the ground-by parents and educators, clergy and politicians, community organizers and corporate executives, physicians and attorneys, and many others who seek to rejoin soul and role in their private and public lives.A Hidden Wholeness weaves together four themes that its author has pursued for forty years: the shape of an integral life, the meaning of community, teaching and learning for transformation, and nonviolent social change. The hundreds of thousands of people who know Parker Palmer's books will be glad to find the journey continued.
I really struggle to review this book. I completely agree with and am inspired by Parker Palmer and his message, as well as the mission of the Society of Friends. But the book itself was among the most boring I have ever read. It reads more like a manual than the self-help reflection I had hoped for. Palmer spends a long time talking about the Circle of Trust, but what I wanted was more stories, more history of the Quaker faith and more challenges to the reader. Because so much of it was devoted to the groups Palmer leads, I felt like the content didn't exactly relate to me, unless I can connect to such a circle myself at some point. But there were glimpses of profound insight, especially when Palmer writes about the importance of silence and humor. The message of this book is as powerful as meditation or prayer and it made me want to explore my own soul and the truths it has to tell me. Ultimately, I think I probably would have benefitted more from hearing Palmer speak than reading this book.
I really struggle to review this book. I completely agree with and am inspired by Parker Palmer and his message, as well as the mission of the Society of Friends. But the book itself was among the most boring I have ever read. It reads more like a manual than the self-help reflection I had hoped for. Palmer spends a long time talking about the Circle of Trust, but what I wanted was more stories, more history of the Quaker faith and more challenges to the reader. Because so much of it was devoted to the groups Palmer leads, I felt like the content didn't exactly relate to me, unless I can connect to such a circle myself at some point. But there were glimpses of profound insight, especially when Palmer writes about the importance of silence and humor. The message of this book is as powerful as meditation or prayer and it made me want to explore my own soul and the truths it has to tell me. Ultimately, I think I probably would have benefitted more from hearing Palmer speak than reading this book.
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