Bilal's Bread

by Sulayman X

After fleeing Iraq, the Kurdish Abu family have settled in the United States. Salim, the eldest brother, has been deeply damaged by the torture he suffered at the hands of the Iraqi police, and his psychotic rages are becoming increasingly violent. At only 16, the youngest son, Bilal, holds the family secrets close, revealing nothing. But his conflict is deepened by his own sexual awakening, and he begins to direct his rage and frustration on his own body through cutting. A powerful story of a clash of cultures and the power of the individual voice.

Sulayman X is a novelist living in Bangkok, Thailand, where he is an editor and writer for The Bangkok Post.

Genres: Fiction, Queer, Gay, LGBT, Young Adult, Abuse, Coming Of Age

240 pages, Paperback

First published June 1, 2005

About the author

Sulayman X is an American who converted to Islam in the early 1990s. He lives overseas for almost two decades and currently works as the editor for a small newspaper in Mississippi. His work frequently deals with the intersection between religion and sexuality. His first book, Bilal's Bread, is a Lambda Award nominee.

Published by DreamSpinner Press, his young adult books "Tears of a Dragon" and "King of Storms" are fantasy genre novels featuring young gay and lesbian characters.

Although no longer a Muslim, Sulayman X remains a spiritual seeker and the Buddhist influences in his work are evident. He also writes murder mysteries and screenplays.

Reviews

[Ceyrone · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was very well written but it wasn’t enjoyable to read at all. It comes with trigger warnings the plot revolves around abuse with a lot of descriptions of multiple physical, sexual, and emotional abusive acts perpetrated on a child. This book gives you an insight into how some people endure dreadfully brutal family lives behind closed doors of the family home. Also gives insight into the twisted thought processes that goes on in peoples minds to justify what they do to other people. It follows Bilal, he is Kurdish, and his family are in exile and are living in America. His brother Salim and his mother are refusing to let go of their values, even if it’s causing harm. And Bilal is being forced to remain quiet so as to not bring shame to the family, within the community.

"When she started talking about the old days, it meant she was tired - tired of the struggle in America. Tired of not being able to speak English, of not being able to get along properly. Tired of the battle just to survive."

[Denise · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an extremely difficult read, and certainly not an enjoyable one. It's not meant to be. This short novel tackles a number of seriously heavy subjects, including but not limited to physical and sexual abuse of a minor (with brutally graphic scenes of both), self-harm, homophobia, Islamophobia, and so on. It packs one hell of a punch, and if you can read it some of these passages without feeling sick to your stomach, there's something seriously wrong with you.

[Louise Chambers · Rating 3 out of 5]

Somewhat chilling and difficult. Not a pleasant read. Does come to a fairly good conclusion. My main complaint is that pedophilia (child abuse: older boy to younger boy both in a family and in the neighborhood) is somehow conflated to become a "gay" problem by the Kurdish family, and the police, and the school.

No one takes the time to educate them, not that they are in a place to understand, much less listen. This is sad given that the American Imam is a practicing psychologist. The school, a Muslim school attached to a mosque, is horrifyingly blind to what is going on, with only the nurse seeing things for what they really are.

Bilal does triumph in the end, but at what cost to his psyche. What nightmares and troubles lay ahead for him? This could easily have become a major novel, instead of a novella, allowing the author to expand the timeline, and decompress some of the horror that Bilal, and his family, experience on a daily basis. There is escalation of violence in the home to the point of bloodshed and none of the neighbors call the cops. Is the neighborhood that bad? It's been a long time since I've been in Kansas City, but in Denver the immigrants pretty much know that they aren't going to get kicked out of the country if they call the police. Especially if they've been going to a good school and have good connections like the character of the Imam.

Reads a bit like a polemic. Allyson Press, so I thought it would not have such an "agenda".

It would be a good book discussion group, especially for American converts to Islam working with Iraqi and Kurdish immigrants.

[JOSEPH OLIVER · Rating 5 out of 5]

The plot of the book is better described by others here. The book is very well written and the characters very well developed and believable. What is disturbing is that the plot does not follow one's expectations. The bizarre thought processes the main characters use to justify why they do what they do and how others are responsible for their actions. While reading it I could begin to understand how some people endure dreadfully brutal family lives behind closed doors and do nothing to escape. Bilal's apartment is a Kurdish family in exile but while Bilal's thinking and maturation is greatly influenced by American values the mother's and the main perpetrator Salim's are still stuck in village loyalty in Iraq despite the transposition to a new country. They couldn't understand why their values (raping your youngest brother) should cause so much trouble. Even Bilal's mother thinks he is just a trouble maker destroying 'the family'.Hakim, another brother, is for most of the book a surface American - wine women and song - but when he is confronted by Bilal with the truth he can't see what the problem is. All in all a very enlightening read if not the most pleasant. Very informative.

[Morticia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Broke my heart into pieces.

[Anya Bird · Rating 5 out of 5]

I last read this book about 16 years ago and had long remembered it as an important book to me, despite the details of the plot fading in my mind. I decided to reread it now and had to source a copy as previously I’d borrowed it from the library. It seems to be quite obscure now and I’m not sure why it never made it bigger. This is a powerful, harrowing but hopeful story. Rereading it as an adult gave me a very different perspective than reading it as a teen and some parts I could now pick apart a bit if I wanted to. But instead I decided to enjoy the read and seeing the growth Bilal goes through over the course of the book. This remains an important book to me. Does need to come with a massive trigger warning for rape, abuse and violence.

[Izaminifee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a strong book with delicates subjects. It makes you feel a lots of emotions, anger, passion, fear, sadness and is really well written. I don’t understand the current rating. Be aware of the triggering issues this book contain and you will see it’s worth more than 3.67 damn.

[Dani · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a painfully emotive novel that just needs to be spoken about. Insightful and delicate, I've been utterly moved by this.

[Ivana Brewer · Rating 1 out of 5]

Feel really weird about the book. I found this in a second hand shop and was interested, and soon found myself invested in Bilal and his story.

But the violence and abuse in this book makes this a hard read. It's important to sometimes depict these things, but at times it feels gratuitous. I often felt like a voyeur reading this, that it was something I shouldn't be reading. This book almost feels like a perverse fantasy of sexual abuse of a brown child, tbh. I've read other books about sexual abuse in the past and never had this feeling.

Writing this, I just recalled that this is meant to be a young adult novel. The fact has me feeling - this is a hard read for an adult, let alone a child. Who is this for?

Many characters in this book felt two dimensional. Fatima seems stationary, frozen in the background, until the plot needs her. At the start of the novel it's explained Salim and Fatima sometimes speak English at home, sometimes Kurdish, but it's not brought up again and it's often left unclear what language he family is speaking in. Presumably Kurdish, but then the turns of phrase used are SO American, it feels ridiculous to imagine an refugee speaking their native language use them.

I also found the characterisation of Salim disappointing. The initial reveal between Salim and Bilal, that he had once been a gay teenager seeking out public sex, that this had led to a traumatic arrest, rape, and witnessing the murder of his fugitive father. This gave real depth to what had so far been a boogeyman. A conflicted and traumatised man who had once been an adventurous and innocent child, turned abuser by the harrowing experiences he had had.

But Sulayman X tears this complexity away from Salim again with the later revelation that he had not been out seeking sex with his peers, but abusing children. Salim never had an ounce of depth to him - he was always bad, even when a child himself.

This is a story that had real potential - hence why I've had thoughts on it, grappled with it, felt disappointed by it. The delivery is gratuitous, the characters one dimensional. Not a book I'll reread, not a book I'll keep.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

"When she started talking about the old days, it meant she was tired - tired of the struggle in America. Tired of not being able to speak English, of not being able to get along properly. Tired of the battle just to survive."

"You've decided to start using your power and the people around you are going to upset for awhile. But they'll get over it and so will you."

[Trigger Warning and Spoiler: While the book has a lot of complex themes, the plot revolves around abuse with a lot of descriptions of multiple physical, sexual, and emotional abusive acts perpetrated on a child.]

I started this book yesterday and even with the disturbing content, I could not put it down. There are so many themes (immigrants, religion, nationality, homosexuality, abuse, pedophilia, poverty, refugees, family, loyalty, community) that build a story of Bilal, a kind and sensitive teenage boy who is also a gay, Islamic, Kurdish, refugee living in the US with an abusive older brother. It's a hard read, for sure. But ultimately so rewarding with Sulayman X able to weave multiple complex themes to create realistic and empathetic characters as well as an evocative and redemptive story.

[Rick · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the strengths of this book is that the author does not shy away from depicting just how damaging familial abuse can be on children. There are several moments when the author could have taken an easier path in the narrative, made things a little more palatable but instead drives ahead with unflinching harshness. While the narrative ends with hope, there is little to suggest that things are going to result with everyone living happily ever after. Often harrowing and certainly grim, Bilal’s Bread offers a relentless portrayal of how fundamentalist views, even if well intended, only end up causing more harm than good and often result in damaging those for whom these views are attempting to protect.

[Jon O · Rating 5 out of 5]

I usually prefer a book with a happy ending, told in a light manner and humorous, if possible. Bilal's Bread does nothing with the 'light manner' stuff. It is a book written with a horrific detail on a gay teenage, suffering sexual abuse in the hand of his elder brother. It was disturbing, but yet I find the book is demanding me to turn the pages to find out how the book will conclude. I simply find this book difficult to put down. I read the whole book from the evening till 3.45am, just to know the fate of poor Bilal.[return][return]A well-written book on the emotion and characters.[return][return]This book is definitely one of my top favorite books in my collection.

[Sarah]

I surprised myself with this one. There is some graphic depictions of sexual abuse within the first few pages, and I was worried that this book would be kinda trashy and exploitative. I was thankfully very wrong. The story sucks you in hard and the characters good and bad bring out strong emotions in the reader. Overall, it is a book about healing and I loved the ending.

[Kenny Cook · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's hard to say that you enjoyed a book with a storyline with so much anger and fear, but I did enjoy it. I know I'm going to enjoy a book if, within the first few chapters, I already love and/or hate, at least a couple of the characters. And boy, was that the case here! I wish there had been more characters that I loved, but it wouldn't have been as good a read, had that been the case.

[Christian · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was so compelling I was finished in two days. It's personal, heart wrenching, and at times very difficult to read, given the topics of sexual and physical abuse. Powerful.

[Cyd · Rating 4 out of 5]

A harrowing, brave novel about a Muslim boy who is gay and being sexually abused by his older brother.