Nice Girls Just Don't Get It: 99 Ways to Win the Respect You Deserve, the Success You've Earned, and the Life You Want

by Lois P. Frankel, Carol Frohlinger

Offering the same brand of practical, no-holds-barred, expert advice that made Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office an international million-copy bestseller,  Nice Girls Just Don't Get It teaches us the skills we need to turn from a nice girl into a winning woman, not just in our careers but in our relationships, families, and everyday lives.

Have you ever felt invisible? Taken advantage of? Reluctant (or unable) to articulate what you really want? If so, join the club. The nice girls club.  Nice girls—that's right, girls—are those  more concerned with pleasing others than with addressing their own needs and haven't yet learned how to overcome the childhood messages cultural stereotypes keeping them from getting their voices heard, their needs met, and the lives they want.

This book will turn those nice girls into winning women. That is, women who factor their own needs in with those of others, confront those who treat them disrespectfully,  maintain healthy and mutually beneficial relationships with appropriate boundaries— and as a result, are happier and more successful in every area of their life. 

In 2004, Lois Frankel blew the lid off so many of our long-held ideas about gender and success with her bestselling Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office , which went on to become such a huge phenomenon, the term "nice girls" has secured a place in our cultural lexicon. Here, Frankel teams up with negotiation expert Carol Frohlinger to bring this bestselling advice out of the workplace and provide a broader set of skills that any woman—whether a CEO or stay-at-home mom—can use to win anywhere, with anyone.

Presented in the straightforward, digestible format that helped make Nice Girl's Don't Get the Corner Office an instant hit, Frankel and Frohlinger outline seven practical strategies and 99 supporting tactics that every winning woman should know. By the time you've finished reading this book, you'll be able

• Get your husband to do his half of the household chores—without being made to feel like a nag.
 
• Stop overextending yourself by taking on all the unpleasant tasks no one on your volunteer board, or your team at work will go near.
 
• Win an argument with your mother in law about who will be hosting Christmas dinner. 
 
• Have the courage to send back a meal that isn’t prepared the way you’d ordered it.
 
• Confront a colleague who is shirking responsibility or taking credit for your work.

• Convince a sales person to reduce a fee, waive a surcharge, or honor a store credit.

• Question a doctor’s course or treatment or request a second opinion, instead of simply going along in order to be a “good” patient.

• Firmly but politely bow out of an extravagant vacation to celebrate a friend’s birthday that you simply can’t afford–without feeling guilty about it. 

And so much more.

A must-read for anyone who's ever felt taken advantage of by a friend or family member, unappreciated by a spouse or partner, or exploited by a vindictive neighbor or co-worker, Nice Girls Just Don't Get It offers women the indispensable knowledge and skills to get the things they want, the respect they've earned, and the success they deserve.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Personal Development, Business, Audiobook, Psychology, Womens

320 pages, Hardcover

First published May 10, 2005

About the author

Dr. Lois Frankel, President of Corporate Coaching International, a Pasadena, California consulting firm, literally wrote the book on coaching people to succeed in businesses large and small around the globe. Her books Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office and Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich are international bestsellers translated into over twenty-five languages worldwide. Stop Sabotaging Your Career, a book based on her experiences as a pioneer in the field of business coaching working with everyone from CEOs to entry-level professionals, is a must-read for both men and women.

Reviews

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book gives 99 tips to being more assertive, and about halfway through I realized that I am not as "nice" as I thought. Some of the tips made me think, "Really? You need to tell somebody that?" But what I DID take away from this book and why I would recommend is because of one message it really drove home: Make it work for you.

I can, at times, be a bit of a martyr. I'll take on too many projects, I'll go out of my way to do things that just don't "work" for me i.e. both inconvenience me and make me grumpy. This book really emphasized either (1) saying no to things you can't do or more importantly (2) being brave enough to ask for modifications so that things are easier on you.

Also, one of the last tips really struck home for me: live your values. When forced to pick my top values (happiness in my work and financial security). I realized that I am not actively working toward making these things happen. At least not with enough vigor that I should.

I listened to this book via audio book, so I can't say what it is like to read but I think it was a nice way to start my morning and if you can download it you should.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

The how to's of this book are logical and simple and, if incorporated gradually over time, will work toward a better sense of balance and boundaries in anyone's relationships, whether they are a 'nice girl' or a 'nice guy'. The oversimplification of what a 'nice girl' is started to irritate me by the end, though. The constant comparison of the nice girl stereotype just got old and too broad to have much meaning.

The authors warn the reader not to take their suggestions too the extreme or too quickly, but rather slowly over time while trusting your gut. I think that particular warning needed more emphasis than they gave it, since many people reading this are looking for an instant fix. I think this book, because it is so straight-forward and practical, might be perceived as such, but treating it that way may cause more problems than it solves.

[Hilary · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It is a great, easily-digested summary of problematic behaviors that many women have been socialized to have. The book not only explains the behaviors but then offers suggestions for how to change them. If someone picked up this book having never realized that their behaviors might be undercutting them, I'm not sure how effective it would be. But for me, since these are issues I've been mulling over the past few years, it was a great way to take stock of my life and see where I was and wasn't achieving my goals. I also highlighted a ton of passages.

I appreciated the non-accusatory tone that the authors took, as well as the fact that they made it clear that they were working against societal pressures and norms, not some bogus "genetic difference" that women have or some other such nonsense.

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

So it seems tons of people think all 'self-help' books are lame but.... This one was very handy. It even helped me be a little better at arguing. And far better at getting what I want! As well as saying what I mean more clearly.

[Sinistmer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very digestible read--the chapters are short, and the language is clear. I sometimes had trouble keeping track of which tactics went with which main point; I did not always think everything was tied together. However, the tactics in of themselves seem like mostly sound advice.

[NattyD · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'll start off by saying that I listened to this as an audiobook, and I did not feel that that format was well suited for this book. The first half of the book I found interesting and useful. I definitely identified with being a "nice girl" far too often. After that point, however, the tactics started to feel exhausting. It just seems too hard to follow and micromanage every situation as a "winning woman", as they put it. To discern the personality and change your tactic to fit each person is pretty difficult. Some ideas I even strongly disagreed with. I feel like, in some ways, the book made me feel more timid or disempowered by how they described the position of women, and especially nice girls. Everything seemed to get pushier and pushier until I felt nearly bullied by their assertions on how to behave. I think they should have focused on significantly less tactics.

[Lis · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m not going to finish this book, and I rarely give up one books. Hard to follow, contradicts itself with various tactics, too many “tactics” to keep track of, a lot of plugs and references to their other books and other authors’ work which makes it feel like it’s just an ad or I should read all these other works before this. I couldn’t relate to a lot of the example stories of tactics in use, and honestly did not think that the tactics were being used in these examples. Very basic level ideas even though the whole intro was “you’re gonna have the all the right tools when you read this!!”, I feel like I have not learned anything nor gained insight on any situation I’ve been in or expect to be in. Perhaps it’s dated, but did not feel empowering to read this as a woman, barely even encapsulated what being women is like.

[Gaurika · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about a coach named Frankel and how he teaches women to be at their fullest potential. He reached thousands of women how to be themselves and how to turn them into winning women. I really liked this book because it shows how many girls feel invisible at some points and these coaches teach them how to overcome that and how to be stronger. This book has many chapters on how to help yourself if you feel bad about yourself or invisible. I think people who want a boost of self-confidence should read this book because it can be very useful and can give great tips and recommendations. I wanted to read this book because I wanted to see how other women feel and see if any of their issues could be relatable.

[Taylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

I "read" this book by listening to it on audiobook and I think that might've been a bad idea. While the book gives many good tips and backs them up with personal stories...I found it hard to keep up with via the audio version. I feel like this book would be great to have on hand to go back to certain tactics, but there was entirely too much information to keep track of or remember all at once. Many of the tips provided in the book I will definitely be implementing...but I also couldn't keep track of them all.

[Gargi · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must-read for someone who suffers from the good girl / nice girl syndrome. I have encountered a number of women during mentoring sessions who are plagued with perceptions and conditioning that hold them back. This book is a great way of becoming aware of some patterns that may be impeding personal and professional success. The author also provides (mostly) practical tips to overcome these.

Some tactics are no brainers, others know-brainers.

All in all, insightful.

[arwa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would say that the first book was more informative and easy to read.
But this is still good, and by far better than other books that I have read in the same topic.

How I wish I could get this as an e-book.

[Bushra Ahmed · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book

[Callie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of suggestions for dealing with a variety of scenarios make this a book that would be handy to have on hand for reference as various situations arise in life.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some points were reminders. I will read this again to help in areas that I fall short and would like to make strengths

[Jennifer Rohleder · Rating 1 out of 5]

Difficult to follow on audiobook, and I just couldn't get into it.

[AlexKw · Rating 3 out of 5]

Had some good advive but honestly not very useful.

[Elisabeth C · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a good book...just didn't resonate with me as much as Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office.

[Abby Wheelwright · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very useful tips and tactics for reaching goals, building relationships, receiving help when needed, creating reciprocity, solving problems, and saying yes for the right reasons.

[Colorado Buck · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quiz on how nice are you? Strategies and tactics. Lots of great points on overcoming your weaknesses.

[Niki Mcneil · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful in some ways and in other ways just a good reminder. Worth if if you feel like you are always the one being taken advantage of or giving to others with nothing in return.

[Racquel · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.75 ⭐️

[Krystyna & Terry Howes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tips on how to be assertive.

[Carrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Totally changing how I am thinking about myself, past experiences, and giving me tips for changing my speech (to myself and others) so I can get what I want without being a complete self-centered B**** and without being a "Nice Girl" that others walk all over. Book explains there is nothing wrong with being nice, but that a Nice Girl overdoes it at her own detriment. I wondered if I would get anything out of it after the intro, but the quiz towards the beginning helps you evaluate what kind of personality you have (Nice Girl or Winning Woman) and then gives you clear strategies and examples to explain how to change yourself for the better. I'm listening to it in the car. While I can't see the diagrams and quizzes, they are well described, so you don't need to see them. (Reader explains they are available in digital format on disc, yadda, yadda; I may never need to bother, though. We'll see!) It's not my first audio book, nor is my first non-fiction audio book, and this one is by far the easiest to follow. Speaker has a great voice, sounds like someone who wrote the book (didn't) and knows what she's saying (who knows?). HIGHLY recommended for all women and long car rides!

[C · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing! I just randomly grabbed it from the library while I was looking for an audiobook, and I can't believe how helpful it is. I'm probably going to check this out again at some point and recommend it to the women I volunteer with. Lately, I feel like I should have this on repeat in my car CD player....

Despite the what the title says, I think this book actually makes a great case for what nice girls DO get--as long as they stick to their boundaries, watch martyrdom and energy levels, and know what they want. I would also recommend this book to Not So Nice Girls who don't get why they're not respected. This book is really about being authentic and investing in people who invest in you, and not confusing "transactional" interactions with important people and moments in your life.

No, the car salesman doesn't have to like you and yes, you do have to like yourself.

[Sally · Rating 3 out of 5]

The way of life the authors present didn't appeal to me. Although there is a snide tone toward "nice girls," the favored "winning women" are put in an equally rigid behavioral straightjacket: always give more than you get in relationships, never be unpleasant to anyone, be fully present in each moment, accept and make the best of situations you don't choose to change, consider life as a series of opportunities to influence people and situtations to get what you want, etc. - the advice isn't bad, but often the outward expectations for the nice and the winning are similar except that the winning are to choose this behavior from rational self-interest instead of to please others. Just reading these many, many self-controled, calculating expectations made Yosemite Sam look mighty good to me.

[Lois · Rating 3 out of 5]

The authors offer various tactics and strategies to help "nice girls" become "winning women". There are some great tips though after a while the comparison between nice girls and winning women gets old and becomes an unnecessary device to get the authors' point across. Still it's a worthwhile read for women.

[LemontreeLime · Rating 3 out of 5]

Horrifyingly depressing if you are a member of the 'nice girls' race. It is honest and spells out why a nice girl gets shafted time and again and some strategies to counteract that. But will a nice girl have the strength to do it after decades of indoctrination? *shrugs* knowing is half the battle, gijoe.

[Christine Ricci · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting advice and tips, not just for females or "nice" people. I think everyone can take a piece of advice from this book -- particularly the communication section. Most of the examples are a bit cheesy, but they get the point across and that's what counts. Honestly, just a good read for everyone.

[Bethany · Rating 3 out of 5]

The work bookclub had recommended this one ... found it at the library, and enjoyed the read. It's easily digestible and common sense - the author's tackle the tension that can exist between being happy in your own life (a "winning woman") and the various external messages we get to be a "nice girl" (wherein we try to make everyone else happy, but ourselves.)

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent, honest book that turns nice girls into winning women without resorting to rudeness. There are literally tons of tips on being more assertive and avoiding passive-aggressive or simply passive behavior that builds resentment.